 The Jack Benny program presented by Lucky Strike. Go Lucky, go Lucky, go Lucky Strike, go Lucky, go Lucky. As I won't sing, don't rave me, my voice I'll raise to sing in praise of LSMFT. And you'll praise Lucky's because Lucky's taste better than any other cigarette. Seek and take this tip, my friend, for better taste that's mild and rich. Try Lucky's perfect plan. No doubt about it, Lucky's taste better than any other cigarette. Be happy, go Lucky, be happy, go Lucky Strike, be happy, go Lucky, go Lucky Strike today. Friends, when we say Lucky's taste better than any other cigarette, we mean just that. Not just as good, but better. For Lucky's always give you perfect mildness and rich, true tobacco taste. A happy blending that fine tobacco and only fine tobacco can give. And LSMFT, Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. That's important because a recent 38 city survey shows that millions of smokers are not happy with their present brand. Now those smokers and any smoker who's the least bit discontented should switch to Lucky Strike. Yes, friends, for complete smoking enjoyment, be happy, go Lucky, because Lucky's taste better than any other cigarette. Be happy, go Lucky, go Lucky Strike today. Remember, Lucky's taste better than any other cigarette. The Lucky Strike program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Rochester, Dentist Day, and yours, Curly Donald. Ladies and gentlemen, as you all know, Jack Benny has been in bed with a touch of the flu. So yesterday, I decided to drop by and keep him company. Matter of fact, I read to him for hours. Most human tenderness, the rolling waves of the Pacific cast the tiny life raft upon the gleaming white sands of the tropical island. Just a second, Don. Oh, what is it, Jack? Would you please fluff my pillow for me? Oh, sure. Thanks. Now continue reading, Don. Realizing that their arduous trip was finally over, Burt lifted Anne out of the raft and carried her to a little clearing among the swaying palm trees. Her clothes were meager and tattered, doing little more than to conceal her wealth of feminine charms. As he reached the clearing, she opened her eyes and without a word being said, she realized she was safe in his arms. Her eyes showed gratitude, admiration, and love. She reached up and pulled his head down until his lips touched hers in a flaming, passionate kiss. Mmm. 39, he says. Well, I'm going to finish it anyway. It was months before the rescue ship arrived and during that time they spent their days exploring the island. It was a tropical paradise covered with coconut palms, breadfruit, and banana trees. One morning, while at the north end of the island, they discovered a cave the sea had hollowed out. Timidly they entered and when their eyes became accustomed to the darkness, they were amazed to find running through one of the walls a vein of solid gold. What'd you say, Don? Don, what'd you say, Don? Well, Jack, you fell asleep. Oh, oh, I'm sorry, Don. See, your voice was so soothing that... Hello, boss, how are you feeling? I'm fine, I'm fine. I don't know why I have to stay in bed anyway. Well, Jack, you better follow the doctor's orders. But I've been in bed for two weeks. Look at all the fun I've missed. The Chicago Cub Spring Training at Wrigley Field, the golf tournament at Hillcrest, Jane Wyman's formal dinner party last Wednesday. Of course, I probably wouldn't have gone to Janey's party anyway. Why not? He wasn't invited. I was too. The second time I called her, she said it was all right. She's a sweet kid. Boss, it's time for you to take your medicine. I have it here. Oh, pills, pills, pills. Come on, open your mouth and swallow it. Here's your aspirin. And here's your oil, myasin. And your four-way cold tablet. And your vitamin pills. And here, take this. Hey, wait a minute. What was that last thing you made me swallow? A peach pit. We ain't got no garbage disposal. Oh, stop with that. Has the mail come yet? I'll go see. You know, Don, I'm so tired and bored of staying here in bed. What day is this, anyway? Well, Saturday, March 17th. Oh, yes, St. Patrick's Day. Yeah, oh, which reminds me, Jack, did you hear the one about the Irish girl who was so happy because her boyfriend gave her an engagement ring with a fake diamond? Why would she be happy to get a fake diamond? Because it was St. Patrick's Day and she was glad to get a sham rock. Don. Don, vitamin bath. Don, control yourself. You're shaking the room. Don, stop. Now, Don, stop, or I'll tell everyone it was you who got stuck on the freeway and held up 50,000 cars. Now, watch it. All right. You want me to finish reading the book? No, I don't think so. Turn on the radio. I want to hear the news. Okay. Appropriate music in honor of St. Patrick's Day. Oh, my name is McNamara. I'm the leader of the band. Hey, that's Dennis. Oh, we're fewer numbers. We're the finest in the land. We play at wakes and weddings and at every fancy ball. Don, I want to hear the news. Get another stage. I want the news. I want the news. I'll be marching along in the big parade on St. Patrick's Day. I'll be up to me next on the station, too. Hey, Dennis, it's on the station, too. March along the way. Don, try and get the news, will you? Okay. I want the news. Shake hands with all the neighbors and kiss the colleagues. They're playing his records on every station. There came Rannigan, Flannigan, Milligan, Gilligan, Duffy McCuffin, Malacca, Mahon, Rafferty, Lafferty, Donnelly, Connelly, Julio, Julio. Don, try and get the news. Okay. I get the news. Try another station. Will you? Try another station. Well, at least he's singing my theme song now. Oh, no. That silly kid. I just wanted to hear the news. What is it, Rochester? The mail just came. Good, good. Here's a letter in a pink envelope with a lady's handwriting. Oh, that's probably a Get Well card from my girlfriend, Gloria. Hand it to me, Rochester. Let me smell the envelope. Here you are, boys. Let's see. Yep, that's from Gloria, all right. Perfume? No hamburger. She works in a drive-in. Ground-round Gloria, they call her. You know, she can chop onions faster. Get that. Will you please, Rochester? Yes, sir. Hello, Mr. Benny's residence. Hello, Rochester. How's Moan and Lowell? Oh, the boss is all right, but he's still in bed. I thought he got up Thursday. He did, but he had a relapse. Relapse? What happened? He looked at the calendar, saw it was income tax day, and I caught him just before he hit the floor. Well, put him on the phone. That's what I want to talk to him about. Okay. This for you, boss. Hello. Hiya, Jackson. How you feel? A lot. You care. You didn't even come over to visit me. Well, I wanted to come over, but since you're sick, I thought your house might be guaranteed. That's quarantine. Guaranteed. A natural mistake for a chap who celebrated his 21st birthday in a second grade. Yeah, yeah. Now, what do you want, Phil? Well, it's about my income tax. I've been at him Thursday, but I don't know if I made it outright. What do you mean you don't know? Did you list your dependents? Yeah, I got them all, including the two kids and Remly. Remly? You listed Frankie as a dependent? Certainly. But Phil, a dependent is someone you support who doesn't do anything. Remly is in your band. Every week, he sits in your orchestra with his guitar and say you're right, he is a dependent. Yeah, and he's getting self-conscious about it. A couple of weeks ago after the show, he came to me and he said, hey, Curly, I want people to think I'm playing this guitar. Will you please buy me a bowl for it? Well, let's forget about empty. Is there anything else? No, so long, Jackson. Look, I'll drop over and see you one of these days. Thanks, Phil, so long. Oh, wait a minute. Look, I've been meaning to ask you, will it be all right if Bagby, my piano player, misses Sunday's show? What's the matter? Is he sick, too? No, but he just received word that his uncle died. Oh, that's too bad. Is Bagby taking it hard? Yeah, he's in deep mourning. He won't drink nothing but Johnny Walker black label. Such devotion, goodbye, Phil. So long, Jackson. Now, let's see. Rochester, where's the mail? There it is on the bed, and here's the latest Collier's Magazine. Collier's? Yeah, the one that has that article about you. Oh, yes, the one I wrote myself. Let's see. Yeah, they even have it mentioned right on the cover. From Vodio to Video via Radio by Jack Benny. Here it is. And gee, look at that swell picture of me in color. Oh, wait a minute, Jack, did you write that article in Collier's? Uh-huh. All by yourself? Without your writers? Certainly, I wouldn't trust my writers with an important article like this. They always try to make everything funny. But Jack, they must have some serious moments. Never. Last week, one of them made out his will and it was so good he sold it to Red Skelton. Not only that, one of them wrote a letter to his wife. Hello, Mr. Benny. Oh, hello, Dennis. I'm glad you dropped by. Oh, I just thought I'd come over and cheer you up. Well, thanks. You need cheering up. You look awful. Look, Dennis. Dennis, what's the matter with you? When you visit someone who's sick, you shouldn't tell them they look awful. I shouldn't? No, you're supposed to tell them that they're looking well and that they ought to be up soon. Oh, gee, Mr. Benny, you look great. Hmm. You ought to get up soon. Thanks. If you don't get up soon, you won't get up at all. Now, Jack, Jack, don't get aggravated. You'll make yourself sick again. Oh, maybe you're right. By the way, Dennis, a little while ago, we were listening to the radio and we heard them playing your records on all the different stations. Oh, those weren't records, Don. That was me in person. In person? Uh-huh. That's ridiculous. How could you get from one station to another so fast? I'd drink catechol. Now, look, Dennis. Dennis, listen to me. Look, I'm sick. Eleven years ago, when you were just a kid, I discovered you. Yes, sir. I had faith in you and thought you'd go places. Yes, sir. I introduced you to my sponsor and he thought you'd go places too. Uh-huh. I put you on my radio program and the critics heard you and they said you'd go places. Now, for heaven's sakes, go already. All right, I'll go, but that's a fine way to treat a fellow who came over to cheer you up. I'm cheered. I'm cheered. I don't have to stay here. You know, I can go and sing Irish songs on the radio. I know. I know. Just go. Yes, sir. That kid drives me nuts. Say, Don, it's exactly noon. Maybe we can get the 12 o'clock news. Turn on the radio, will you? Okay. Here came Ranagan, Flanagan, Milligan, Gilligan, Duffin, McCuffin, Lacquer, Mahon. How does he do it? How? It's 12 o'clock. Now, there must be some station that has the news. Here, let me try it. Help me sit up, Don. Okay. Here you are, Jack. Thanks. We might get it on this station. And in Washington today, this concludes our midday edition of the news. Oh, Doneth. And now we'll continue with our recorded program. The one and only Cindy Lou will give her interpretation of My Heart Cries for You. Don, did you try the CBS station? Oh, no, I didn't, Jack. I'll turn on that one. Today at this time, we bring you a special attraction. And today in this featured spot, we have the Sportsman Quartet. Don, the Sportsman, my quartet. They would like to dedicate their number to their boss, Jack Benny, who for the past 10 days has been sick and bad. Oh, isn't that sweet. Take it, fellows. They didn't over 30, said he shows a million who are not. Then we say that it is time for you to switch to mild and very tasty lucky strike. It would be sacred that you love. Don, wasn't that nice of the boys to dedicate that song to me? It certainly was, Jack. Say, boss, the nurse will be here pretty soon. Nurse? What nurse? The doctor called and said he sent him one over. Oh, fine. Now that I'm better, he sends over a nurse. In the meantime, you better take your medicine. Wait a minute, Racha, are you sure you got the right bottle? Oh, sure, boss. The druggist typed your name on the label. He wrote, this medicine is for Jack Benny, star of stage, screen, radio and television, two weeks from now if I mix the prescription right. Well, I don't care if he mixed it right or not. I'm not taking any more medicine. In fact, I'm well enough, right? Yoo-hoo. Oh, Mr. Kitzel. Oh, no, Mr. Wilson. It's nice to see you out from the freeway. Gee, I thought I made up a joke. Well, Mr. Kitzel, it's really good of you to drop in and pay me a visit. Well, Mr. Benny, I came here not only to cheer you up, but my wife sent you this bowl of homemade soup. See? Oh, I'd say that looks wonderful. What's in it? What's in it? Carrots is in it, peas is in it, string beans is in it, a pound of tomatoes is in it, a cup of barley, some chives, onion, potatoes, and one mozzarella is in it. A mozzarella? In the shape of a shamrock in honor of St. Patrick's. Look, a green matzo ball. Isn't it? Just take a sample of this soup, Mr. Benny. You never tasted anything so delicious. Okay. You look better already. That is good soup, Mr. Kitzel. But all the ingredients you mentioned were vegetables. Yet I thought there was a slight flavor of meat in there. That's because for two hours, my wife was stirring it with a shamrock. What? She's from the south, you know. No. She'll know. Mr. Benny, I got to be running along now. I hope you'll all be well soon. Well, thank you, Mr. Kitzel, and thanks very much for the soup. Oh, you're welcome. Goodbye. Goodbye, Mr. Kitzel. Goodbye, gentlemen. You know, Don, that was so nice of Mr. Kitzel. Don, what are you doing with that radio? Well, Jack, I know how anxious you are to hear the news, so I'm trying to get it. Oh. I'm from the Mojave Desert. In the coastal areas with a high of 80 degrees being expected. Those who live in Oregon... if you're in Northern California, you make Southern California, the low will be 52 and... One is a little news, and I keep getting... You want me to get that, Jack? No, no, I can reach the phone. Hello? Oh, hello, Mary. How are you feeling? That's good. Yes, I'm getting along much better. My picture and cow ears? Sure, I saw it. You're right, Mary. They really did play up my blue eyes. But I think they overdid it. Two would have been enough. Well, Mary, I'm glad you called. Is there anything you need? Anything you want? Anything I can do for you? Just name it. What? Of course you don't get paid when you're off. And you can stop that coughing. Well, look, Mary, I... Jack, let me talk to Mary. She hung up when I told her she doesn't get paid. I can't understand... Oh, boss, the nurse is here. Oh, all right, show her in. Watch this, Don. I'll use a little flattery and she'll let me get out of bed. Here's your nurse, boss. Well, well, well. A man certainly is lucky to get a nurse as pretty as you. Hmm, they didn't tell me this was a mental case. Look, nurse, I was just trying to be nice. Nice or not? I get 12 bucks a day, so stop flashing those blue eyes and shut up. But, nurse... Now, open your mouth so I can take your temperature. It's open. It's open. Wider. Ah. Wider. Why do I have to open my mouth so wide? I've forgotten the thermometer, so I took this one off the wall. Well, you can put it back. I'm getting out of bed. Oh, boss, the doctor is here. Well, thank heaven. Show him in. This way, doctor. Yeah, patient today. Wait a minute. You're not my regular doctor. No, Dr. Christian couldn't come. He had a rehearsal. Now, look, doctor, I feel perfectly all right. I want to get up. Yes, yes, by all means. I think it'll do you a lot of good. But, doctor, you can't let him up. Look at his face. I wouldn't worry about that. It's spring. Everything is turning green. Now, look, doctor... On second thought, it may be safer if I give you an examination. At first, I'll listen to your heart. It'll take off your pajama top. My pajama top? Yes. Here, I'll help you off with it. Doctor! Well, a cop to a chance. Hmm. It looks so comfortable. Doctor, stop sitting on me. Now, doctor... Now, look, doctor, I am almost well. Why don't you just give me a shot of penicillin, and I'll be okay. A shot of what? Penicillin. What's that? What do you mean, what's that? It's one of those new wonder drugs, like, or a myosin. Or a what? Myosin. For heaven's sake, doctor, what collards did you go to, anyway? He just asked me for a haircut, and you'll find out. What? Scissors. Scissors. Cold. Tonic. Get out of here, both of you. Do you hear me? Now, out, out! I don't know who sent those people, anyway. What a doctor, and that silly nurse. Boss, boss, don't excite yourself. I can't help it. Now, I'm so upset, I don't know what to do. Well, Jack, would you like me to finish reading that book? No, no, turn on the radio. I still haven't heard the news. What station? I don't know. Try any station. Okay. Ladies and gentlemen, the very best Easter gift of all is the support you give through eastern seals, to children who need your help. These seals provide medical care, nursery centers, and many other things that are needed. So, give and give generously to the Easter Seal Agency in your community, or send your contributions to Cripple Children, box 779, Chicago, Illinois. Thank you. Thank you, Dr. Mama. And now let's join a St. Patrick's Day parade. St. Patrick's Day, we sing and dance and greet each other gaily and reach for a milder lucky strike instead of a shillily. I always reach for luckies, cause luckies taste better than any other cigarette. The shamrock is a sign of luck, and so is lucky strike. For every puff brings better taste to guy and gal alike. Sure, luckies taste better than any other cigarette. Be happy, go lucky, be happy, go lucky strike, be happy, go lucky, go lucky strike today. Yes, be happy, go lucky, because luckies taste better than any other cigarette. Now, that is a fact. For fine tobacco and only fine tobacco always gives you that perfect combination of real mildness and rich taste. And LSMFT, lucky strike, means fine tobacco. So if for any reason, you are not completely happy with your present cigarette. If it's too mild or too strong, switch to lucky strike for complete smoking enjoyment. You'll get mildness, smoothness and taste. All in one great cigarette, lucky strike. You'll agree, luckies taste better than any other cigarette. So be happy, go lucky, make your next carton, lucky strike. Be happy, go lucky, go lucky strike today. Remember, luckies taste better than any other cigarette. As the rescue ship slowly sailed from the island, Bert and then Valerie looked back toward... Excuse me, Don. Hello? What's that operator? A transatlantic call from London, England? Put him on. Hello? Been doing a lot of sightseeing. That's wonderful. You're coming back on the Queen Elizabeth? Oh, you'll love that. It certainly sounds like you're having a wonderful time. Goodbye. Now, Don, continue reading. Jack, I don't mean to be inquisitive, but that call you just got from London. Who was it? It was a wrong number, Don. Continue... Continue reading. Now, wait a minute, Jack. If it was a wrong number, why did you take the call? How often can you talk to London for nothing? You know... Jack, if you weren't sick, I'd punch you right in the nose. Read the book. Will you read the book? Set to send your contributions to Cripple Children, Box 779, Chicago, Illinois.