 Next speaker is a close friend and Co-coach with him at the social man. He's been there since its founding his name is Nick Sparks And he's a returning speaker to the 21 convention one of my favorites and a total badass. Thank you for coming Thank you Given other obligatory round of applause for Anthony for I mean this seriously is an amazing event and I Appreciate being asked to come back here. I definitely appreciate it a lot. So thank you guys for having me Also, congratulations to yourself, of course as I'm sure you've heard more than once Not every single person actually has the courage to stand up and make a change in their life Everybody's got issues. Everybody's got problems, but very few people actually do something about it. So Awesome on one hand. Also another reason to be you know congratulate yourselves is that This has been going on for what now like five hours so far today multiple hours yesterday Yeah, six hours perhaps I don't know if I could pay attention or focus on anything for that long. So the simple fact that you're able to do that Deserves its own round of applause as well It's it's interesting though I kind of liken it an analogy I would use is actually listening to a woman as His friend was talking about it up here earlier It can be difficult sometimes just like it's difficult to actually focus on hour after hour after hour after hour of guys talking Why because well in this case you're tired your brains have Process so much shit and it's can only process so much more in those cases when you've got a beautiful woman standing In front of you your heart's pounding your heads going it can be hard to actually listen and pay attention in that case Without thinking a million different thoughts at the same time So it can draw a little analogy between what you're doing right now the actual Focusing skills it takes and talking to a girl. Yeah, it's not really part of my speech, but I just thought of that So Why am I here? What am I doing standing here? I'm not going to talk about who I am I mean who really cares honestly Well, it started about 27 years ago and my mother gave birth to me. No, nobody really cares I want to talk about why I'm here though because that's the important part. That's what actually matters. What am I doing here? Why am I standing in front of you? Exactly, I don't know um, I Mean the the obvious thought is that I'm standing here because you guys want to learn to get better at talking to girls It's the obvious one However, that's not why I'm here. I mean yes, I'm a dating coach for a living It's what I do, but that's really at the root of it not why I'm here It may be a Symptom of why I'm actually standing here why you guys are all sitting in the room right here But it's not why I'm standing up here the reason why I'm up here and The reason why you guys are all sitting in those seats right now Is that bear with me because I'm going to explain myself is that We are living in a society That's been dominated by fear Sounds a little kooky. Let me explain myself. What the hell does that mean once again? We live in a society we live in a world country culture whatever you want that's been dominated by fear Why do I say that? Why do I make such a broad sweeping general statement like that? Reason being is that look at dating in our culture look at meeting and talking to members at of the opposite sex How should it be if there wasn't any fear involved? What would happen? You'd be out someplace. Maybe at a coffee shop. Maybe at a bar Maybe walking down the street. You see a girl that you're attracted to you see a girl that you like You walk up to her Hey, I Think you're cute I'd like to get to know you more and the girl thinks to herself for a second either Yeah, you seem all right, too I'd like to get to know you better and you guys start talking and get to know each other better and decide if you want to make babies or not or She decides I Don't feel the same way no offense Maybe you know, I've got a lot on my mind. It's just not a good time for me It's just not going to work out and you say I completely understand no harm no foul And you just simply walk down to the next girl that you see that tickles your interest Say the same thing to her and she decides makes the decision easy simple the way it should be Almost too easy. Why can't it be that way? Why? because there's fear everywhere When you're walking up your mind is racing. Oh my god, so what should I say? Well, what is she what is she gonna reject me? Is she not going to reject me? What is she gonna think about this right now? Is anybody else gonna see me get rejected? You're trying to make a conversation happen and it's like, okay, what do I say? What do I say? What do I say? How do I do this? I want to do this, but I'm not sure I'm gonna get rejected here And you're not the only one feeling fear. That's for shit. Sure She's got to be worrying the entire time too Is this guy? douchebag is this guy an asshole is this guy gonna break my heart the way the last guy did is this guy a Psycho killer who's gonna chop me up into little pieces and leave me in the trunk of his car and then feed me to his cats Once my body, you know gets a little smelly. I don't know somebody might think that Maybe not maybe it's just me She's got a lot of shit on her mind. How do I look are they my do I look prettier than other girls here? Does my hair look okay today? Do I look fat in this dress? Fear Everywhere and you all know exactly what I'm talking about because you've all felt it You wouldn't be sitting right here if you didn't feel it, especially in relation to women. It's that feeling in your chest Kind of creeps up. It feels really shitty fear anxiety doubt And it sets off negative thoughts it sets off self-defeating thoughts and actions Happens to everybody it happens all the time it happens when you're trying to talk to a girl Happens maybe at work. Maybe at school All over your life. You have pressure on something you get that shitty feeling and what happens We've developed in our society a ton of ways of dealing with it of Making it go away of avoiding it. What do we do we I? Don't know we we have another drink. Maybe we smoke maybe we You know go on our computer and just watch Mindless things to avoid doing something that we don't really want to do. I really like the blue screen Anthony. What are you doing? Either way We maybe pull out our phone and just stare at our phone Do we really need to check our phone, but no why because it's easier. It's comfortable Instead of dealing with the shit that my mind could be dealing with. Oh, no Get my mind off of it. I Focus on some other shit There's a million different things you could be doing because actually facing it actually looking at right in the eye It sucks it doesn't it feels like you want to get this far away from as possible And it's everywhere in our lives. We've got a million ways to avoid it. We've got no real way to stand up to it It's just there. It's something we deal with every single day and it sucks That's why I'm here That's why I'm standing in front of you guys right now because it's my job Beyond all other things to teach you to break through it to stand up to it to overcome it when it happens in your life in relation to women and Coincidentally as you grow gain confidence from that it affects every other part of your life where this has happened It's a it's a skill. It's a it's a talent and what's the the root of this? How do I do it at the very core? It's the magic. I say a couple of magic words and it's gone. No The way that I do this it's basically based on a very simple foundational principle And of course there's more specifics and we're gonna get into more specifics But it's based on something very simple. It's based on the fact that