 I really do hope you enjoy your Monday body because I am it's the 40th day of October almost not end month gosh almost half of the month and we have a holy day on Friday clear throat is gonna be a little month my name is Valentine and you are watching what in the morning so you run from 7 till 10 in the a.m. and it's a daily show so Monday all the way through Friday and we have a different themes and today we highlighted with health politics and a conversation with our gentlemen that is not crush but we start off with health and today I think is is gonna benefit you because I want to believe everyone can relate to this particular topic meanwhile in other news I tried to Facebook at Y254 channel on Twitter hashtag is one in the morning that's how you can communicate ask your questions or you can text us at 2 0 1 5 4 starting with Y254 now please help me welcome my two very able guests and the one that was only me a lot of other topics you know hi good morning good morning how are you guys you look lovely you look lovely as well the poster makes you look like a supermodel from I don't know where do you model you like the 99th person to ask me that you should immediately after this you are so gorgeous oh my gosh you really should you really thank you so much love thank you but but to tell us your name miss V is my name I already present our TV host and a love of life yeah yeah that's why we connect absolutely a good morning to you professor I don't know if it's in the cards for me but hey I'll never be called my first name ever again if I have a professor right there how are you fine Valentine you look amazing thank you so our name your full name I am Catherine gosh other how can we find you if someone maybe likes how you conduct yourself how can we reach out to you you can reach out to me from Kenya Institute of Business and Counseling Studies keep call which is opposite Meridian hotel or best Western hotel yes at the southern house building yes and you are a bit more social so your social media platforms would be yeah that's miss V underscore ke that's V with two ease on Instagram Twitter Facebook and YouTube aha today we're talking about stress what is stress previously okay last week previously the weather story originated from is on the 10th of the month 10th of October was World Mental Health Day so today we're trying to we grabbed on an aspect of stress because mental health is a lot there's so much to mental health so we're just gonna nitpick and we picked a stress and I think that would be very relatable to the youth because every time you know the sum to how are you am I say Niko stress what is just in you in September my mom used to ask me if she asked me if I'm okay and I say no I'm stressed yes me but you don't have children you don't have a husband yes so those are the only people allowed to be stressed please help us understand what stresses professor yeah it's very interesting that you say that because in our African culture somehow we do not have an orientation of being around to say what we feel and what we think about distressing distressing situations and so because of that we learn not to say them so that when we meet with people we tell them about the good things of our own life but we don't tell them about what we are going through that is stressing us so when we think about stress it is about our internal charges that we may be having or external charges that we may be contending with that we are not able to have a capacity to manage so that amounts to stress because then you feel I am abandoned with what is happening to me that may be something physical or it may be something that you're thinking about but even when we think about mental health mental health is all that what we are thinking what we are feeling our own values that we think that we are keep not keeping up to yes so it's very subjective very subjective sometimes but the physical aspect of stress anyone can see because they can see that someone is fatigued or someone is not able to handle situations very well yes again I want to use something my mom used to tell me before there was that the onset of social media before you know we could take pictures and post and show everyone that we're living good life my show London before that people you just used to meet on the street and a story hi how are you all I'm fine this is what's going on and we didn't have the pressure for this one is better than me and we were used to we used to be in the same school used to wear the same uniform now look at us one is driving house v8 you yeah just you know because life lies to us they want us to believe all the same but we really are not the same we are not the same at all so there's that pressure for okay now I'm young and and I want to be like this person I want to make this amount of money say keep talking that fame I'm sure there's someone who is running who has been running for a while now who wants to be like keep talking who wants to 159 open this town how do you deal with the pressure mom I think when it comes to social media especially because we live in an era of social media it's just you as a person how disciplined are you and how principled are you because if I have my goals and I know this is what I want and this is a route I'm going to take if I come on social media and I see you driving your cars that's good for you but I shouldn't feel like I have to compare myself to you because what people don't understand is when you compare in yourself to someone else you compare in your disadvantages against the advantages which is so not fair so if I go on social media and people have nice cars people are moving into nice apartments that shouldn't bother me because that's not what I want maybe maybe I want something different maybe I want to mention and just because it got it before me does not mean I'm not gonna get mine eventually I will but if I allow that that's going on on social media to get into my head I'm not likely to get what I will what I'd set aside to achieve yes so how I deal with the pressure is I'm just principled like okay you have nice cars good for you nice houses good for you I'm made to get to my own yeah and when I do I know what to do with this and you all got know what it is all right so I want to paint a picture of a youth who's you know scrolling down the phone down Facebook on Instagram and they see something maybe that they cannot afford some that's called let's say makeup or or viato I don't know something that you don't need but you really think that you want to have in order to fit into society I so you see this you can't afford it because a you're barely making ends meet already at a fair by they don't even know those roots that have my tattoos that increase fair absurdly okay let's drop them for you know that is a wrap you know but you're constantly taking screenshots or just building hope that you want to get this but you want it now you don't have that patience for it's okay let maybe one day at a time I can save up for something like this I'm on a copper you want to borrow from someone else that you can get something that you don't really need and it's not working out but you either still going to school or you still have a job so now you're not sleeping because you're feeling like you're not fitting in to this place that you're supposed to be fitting in so now there's some some sort of stress who lally fatigue you have bags under your eyes so what what's the process how do you get yourself out of it you get yourself out of it by management learning how to manage yourself and being contented with what you have at a particular time because just like she has said that you need to visualize what is reality for me at this particular time because when you want to have that the shoes whatever else that you would want to have it is something that you hope to have and it is a good thing to hope it's a go to have an unexpected that is human but you cannot leave the fantasy you have to leave the reality and the reality is I am going to wear the shoes that I have because they are the ones that I can be able to afford at this particular time what I see to be quite a charge with young people today is to leave the fantasy instead of leaving the reality and because of that they stress themselves to the limit because you see you can't be where you're not the only thing that we can be able to manipulate at a particular time is now because it is the resource that we have in terms of time if you walk around that you will be able to get what you want into the future and so I would say if young people accepted this is where I am yes comparison is normal but then you need to know I need to vary my comparison so that I can be able to see this particular person has this because they have done one two three or because maybe they are privileged because of the families they come from since I come from a different kind of a family I also need to work an extra mile so that I can be able to get where they are I think living with the reality and knowing that they can manage their feelings their thoughts that are out of the realm of what they are going through is very important and just just to add on a bit I think it's okay to go on social media and take screenshots of you know a nice dress a nice car it's okay to take screenshots but you know what you do about that is what really matters do you take that to start you calling yourself off do you take that so you can start comparing or do you take it up as a challenge like man if she did it if she's wearing such clothes why shouldn't I so if you're not wearing such clothes if you're not driving such cars then that should jump start something inside of you so it should motivate you to get somewhere I don't have to necessarily get the exact clothes but it should motivate me to get somewhere apart from where I am so if you take screenshots it's fine but just use it for the greater good yeah I like what you said because my next question was today we were talking about of course the 159 is a craze still and something that intrigue does is he didn't run alone he had around if I'm not wrong six pay setters so that says something about the people you keep around you very much you have a goal and there are certain type of people who you know their vision is aligned but you would find and it's and it's a terrible thing because especially if you find yourself either you're emotional or you're shy or whatever kind of character that you have and then you confide in someone and they break that confidence you know that now there's there's another type of stress going on there oh my god what I do with it my fault what kind of person in my and in reality it's not really your fault so you'd have someone being upset with you maybe for something that you have how many times in a day do you get told you are you told that you're beautiful honestly if you don't you see yeah you know then if someone if you have a friend who maybe is not as aesthetically pleasing as you and now they won't they feel some type away because you're gorgeous and everyone will tell you you know so they'll use something that you don't have that they know you don't have against you so car for example one nation a mom and a mini mehama and I'm a chock-a-wattok I'm going to give you that car you know yeah how do you deal with that man say like me me personally I have a very bold personality and I'm very I love myself and I know my own when you table I know my words whether I have something on the table yet or not I know my worth and I think that's people that's something the challenge is so many people in that if you don't know your worth you're very likely to be swept off your feet so know your worth value yourself do not negotiate your value don't want to meet someone's standards just do I give up on you if I'm not as pretty as came Kardashian I still know my war thumbs I still know there's something I can bring to the table that a Kardashian cannot that's very true by the way so it's all about just knowing your worth because when you know your worth and you know your value I don't think there's anything that can put you down and if anything tries to put you down you know how to get up but at the end of the day I think the challenge is what is your source of life what what is you know what's the center of your life because if you make material stuff the center of your life then you're going to miss on so much if you make houses and cars to be the center of your life so if cars vanish you don't have life if you decide that your friends are going to be a center of your life if they vanish that's just about it so again I want to bring in the aspect of just making God the center of everything making sure he's your source of life he's my source of life so but I have a corner oh well I know I'm killing it all here I like you you know they say and and and I want to phrase this carefully because I I know you okay I don't know how to tell you this because you you're over there and I'm over here with her in studio but she has a very calming presence it's like you have you're very centered you have peace of mind how can we get that and how because it's our lives every time every time something if you had these young children talking about heartbreak as if okay yes heartbreak yet maybe chat break I know but heartbreak nowadays it sounds like your heart literally is broken someone has done something to it how do you how do you stay so calm allow me first of all to start from the discussion you're having there before in regard to someone has betrayed you betrayed your trust you have given out some information that has been used against you and you feel betrayed and you feel distraught how do you handle emotions when they are everywhere one of the things that you need to do is to know what is the emotion that is disturbing me I am disturbed by betrayal but betrayal may not be the other eyeing emotion the other eyeing emotion may be anger you feel angered with what has happened to you or what a friend has done to you so then when you know it is anger then you need to motivate yourself to deal with the anger you don't just leave it like that many people what they do is that they keep it by the side they go drinking that is a way of dealing with it but you see you have just suspected dealing with an issue that you need to deal with instead of knowing I need to be prompt with my own issues I am answering the question of I'm very prompt in dealing with my own issues if I'm going through shame I would deal with it if I'm going through anger if I'm going through resentment I am going to deal with it and just like she has said the Bible says let the sun not go down before you handle your anger and I would say that about all the negative emotions that we go through and young people will go through up and down with their own emotions so you need to learn I need my own self-care in terms of mental health I need me to be whole and I need me to be complete and I need me to be centered just like you have said and the only way that I'm going to do that is to make sure that my emotional health is taken care of if your emotional health and spiritual health am I doing things against my own conscience if you do things against your own conscience you find yourself hitting at yourself and people will commit suicide because of that they don't like themselves they are out of themselves they are fragmented in little in relationship to themselves but bringing ourselves together to say I forgive me for the things I have done against myself then you're able to do a re-correction of yourself put yourself together and start moving again it is continuous work it is moment to moment work knowing that no one else can do it for you only you can walk that journey with yourself that whatever is happening inside yourself the processes that are happening inside yourself that you are in tune with them and you are ready to make sure that you're putting them on a healthy path then you can know that you and yourself in the inside are good companions that's important very have I not been telling you to love yourself have I now we have a professor saying the same thing love yourself please it's important let me use myself as an example so Niju last week sometime someone had upset me you know I had been trying I was trying to see this person but our schedules were not just adding up so in my head I'm so upset and I why why are you not putting enough effort why why are you not doing this why why why and I'm not saying it out loud because I have understood I've realized speaking when you're a bit emotional is not a very good idea just chill just to pay to sugar leave my friend and then when you've come down that's because there's power in words and you cannot take back something that you've said you can't you just can't so ask myself okay now I'm having an argument with him in my head we've argued we've argued I'm like okay but what's wrong with you Valentine what's wrong why are you angry like why for real are you angry say it's not something he did it's something either you are you are not able to do right now or something that you're trying to I don't know but it's it's with me it's not with someone else so now that took me a bit back I said okay why am I feeling like this how can I fix it am I ashamed of what I did am I feeling guilty for something and and it's important not to take stock of those emotions because if I don't deal with how I'm feeling about me I'll probably project it to you so if I don't like maybe the way my hair turned out today it after twisting for a street for how long and then I see how looking some type of way the first thing I'll do is be angry with you why do you look nice but you know angry with me you know I'm angry with me like why didn't I do this instead of this why didn't I you know it's it's it's all in here literally inside your head which which brings me to a long time a long time is necessary do you think so yeah very much so especially when you're trying to take a break from the normal personally when I was I think it started struggling with depression I was very young I just didn't it was depression until I grew up and I was like oh they have a name for this okay it's not a big problem for white people it's also black people problems so I used to suppress so much like I you know something comes my way I don't deal with it I just you know push it at the back push it at the back and it gets to a point where now I'm just frustrated about anything anything everything anybody everybody so if you don't do something for me I start relating it to maybe a past experience and I can maybe I'm not as important as I think I am and so I can understand you know when you're having an argument in your head I really feel you so that's that's a rose I gotta say yeah so basically I used to suppress so much and I realized I used to bleed because and that's very that's very toxic because some people come to you with just cleaning tensions and then you just end up bleeding on them because you've not dealt with your issues per se so it's very important to just deal with yourself comes and alone times really mean so low it could be just a break from the room environment a break from your even parents a break from your friends colleagues just about anything that makes you feel very you know that step away sometimes if I'm in a closed room for a long time I do not think this is claustrophobia I don't actually feel like the walls I just I feel like my presence has filled the whole thing now I need to go somewhere bigger like I need to go outside and remember that it's not all about me that I'm a very if you see me from you know area of view I'll be a dot sometimes I just need to remember that even though what's up in my head is a lot this is a lot but there's a lot more bigger picture but also when you have in alone time it depends on what you're doing not alone time personally I used to be very I'm very outgoing I'm a very bad person but at some point I was just laid back I just locked myself in my room because I was really I was really in a dark place and then when I finally decided to have a change of environment I was just around people who just want to drink and drink and that for me was therapeutic somehow I I just used to drink so much I used to cut myself so much I used to be very sweet idol I just didn't have only to cut yourself really oh yeah yes I do I do have scars I'll give you a hug after this so yeah it depends when you're having a change of environment what are you doing and whom are you doing that with so for me it was a bit very toxic because I'm you know out of the frying pan into the fire so just alcoholism just been even more depressed just it was too dark so when you having a break from an environment when you want some you time just be very cautious because you're also very vulnerable at the moment so anything that looks like a solution could seep you off your feet yeah well related to that doctor is because I also had a similar experience that I had a life changing situation and I did not do it myself and I did not want to hear my my own voice so like I said I cannot do what she did as long as I was never alone what are you if you want to take it's okay let's go drink but now I say I was drunk 24-7 it was not helping anyone you know and I had people worrying about me the people who loved me like my family and all this and I was wrong with you should we take it to rehab like but I'm stressed how do we what do we do there the long time and both of you have captured it very very well that you can have learned you may want to have long time but it's important to think do I have mental health to allow me to be able to have a mid-time that is going to be productive as a therapist I meet so many young people or even people who say I can't stand my loneliness I can't stand me with me alone in a room and for the others who are going through like depression yes they are going to be alone but is cutting themselves away from the people because they don't have energy for the people and therefore they are there because they are suicidal or they are there because they are not able to have the energy to be with other people and so this tells us that we need to know just like Kipchoge he knows that he needs to be disciplined so that eventually he can be able to win there is and even us as individuals whether young people or older people they need to know that you need to make sure that you are relating with yourself in ways that you understand that what you're doing to yourself is gainful or is adding value to you and if you get yourself to a point that you are cutting yourself or mutating yourself that means you're not in a good place in terms of your mental health emotional health moral you know all those aspects of our own being you're not in a good place completely and many a times again what we see a lot is you're not able to help yourself come out of the hole you are in you need other people caring people we are talking to young people but we are also talking to family members we are talking to friends it is a friend who will see Valentine is not in a good place let's go and talk with her let's have moments two months three months with her we'll get her out of the hole that she is in before we learn her to a therapist or we read her to a doctor a psychiatrist who is going to take care of her we need to convince her that she really needs help so we need other people to help us to be able to see that we need help whether we need help where we can help ourselves but if a person is not able to help themselves then the social unit around them is the one to help them if not those ones then they need to go to a physician or they need to go to a psychologist like me so that we can be able to see together and a psychologist when we do an assessment we will say this is not only something that is requiring us to talk about it has gone to clinical levels where you need medication for you to get out of the hole you are in and get well and many people when they are proactive about their mental health instead of now going to crab or going to drinking some people will even get addicted to some behaviors like having sex you know you're not interested with that relationship but the only thing that is taking you there is because you need companionship but this companionship is not healthy for you because again it's taking away your integrity is taking away your love for yourself and you're feeling whatever I become a thing to be used by other people but you see you are taking yourself to that and you don't know you're taking yourself to that because you're not in a good place when it comes to a mental health oh my goodness I like that okay now that unfortunately my director is telling me we're running out of time but I don't want to go but at WhiteFive for Facebook at WhiteFive for channel Twitter hashtag is why in the morning so maybe in how do we conclude this how do we tell them to manage stress because stress is not something very large all the time it's not that you've lost someone or you've been in an accident or something that has happened to your lover it could be a small thing like you know maybe your boss was not happy with something you did you already now feel like you need to validate yourself again or just small thing we need to we need to learn how to manage a small stresses so that that lead up now to to the big one because if you don't fix this one this one will become two three four five six suddenly you go into the hospital for shock therapy okay so how do we maybe manage that can I start here yeah sure you can I think for starters the people around someone who's depressed you have to be very sensitive depression does not have a face I cannot look at you and they don't look depressed but so and so looks depressed so if if someone is being stressed and they're depressed you don't have the right to tell them they're not supposed to be you don't have the right to tell them but you have a family don't have you're not of eight yeah you're still trying your 20s why are you depressed that no that's very negative and very toxic because when someone comes to you the problem just at a common who terms idea just listen to them yeah don't call them off but mainly again your source of life you make a code your source of life you make code the center of everything you don't even have to worry about the people around you he got you you know why I fully applaud that statement is because yes we've talked about pay setters we've talked about friends but sometimes they won't understand you know it's just you it abacky to me well and sometimes even those people that you think you're reaching out to when I don't come on beer now and I don't go update what 411 Zavals as I said that kind of hurts it it's negates now you want to get better but not the person you're supposed to so how do we find that inner strength then ourselves first before we reach out I would say that all the time you need a tool to help you to understand where you are at for some people they will say I write a journal others we will say I like a diary whatever you do right you're bringing out your thoughts here and your emotions here so that you can be able to understand them and so that you can be able to know is it beyond me or it is within my only sources to deal with it let us not get ashamed as young people to go to a therapist actually I always advise people go and see a therapist like three times an year because just the same way we go to take tea or to eat we need to go and see our therapists so that we can be able to talk about something that is not going well with us and also to get an assessment of where we are at because we do assessments of where people are at in the different aspects of their own lives whether it is emotional or physical or spiritual or moral all those aspects we do an assessment and that helps it helps an individual to know where am I at and what would I want to put effort in if it is my emotional or spiritual then you really know where your a lot of your energies need to go so that all the time there is something you do with yourself let me say that life is a business you are transacting with yourself how well are you transacting with yourself just like we get the coaches or the pacitors so that they can help us to be able to do our business in ways that are productive it is the same thing thank you so very much for your words of wisdom is there anything else you'd like to say before we finish up I love you thank you so very much professor for coming and you over there if you know you know someone who is not okay and you're there telling them I have feelings get over yourself shame on you if you know someone has confided in you and you weren't telling everyone because you have gist about someone shame on you okay I will be telling myself shame on you because I think you might end up mother because a weekend but it's okay it's in-house problem I can sort I tried to perform Facebook at white two five four channel on Twitter hashtag is why no one you don't want to miss it okay Alex is coming up with you and politics