 We have already begun the show, we have already begun and trust me it's getting heated over here. But anyway the question of the day, we are asking NSJKMJP, Kitu Namzee and then we are trying to reject it politely. You don't turn anyone down with that feeling of like, no I don't want to hear things, you want to be like cool, which has come away, we are like, Aki please, I don't know how we can do it better. To help us talk about this, I have a panel, two of us are gentlemen, of course me being the host, I'm Karanja Alex. But two others, me beauty, plus still the names are the same, Michelle Square, Jitu Namzee Michelle which, Michelle, Michelle Gift. Who is Michelle Square? Michelle Square, then we will bring it down, we come to Michelle Gift. Kheribu Zana? Asante, my name is Michelle Gift and I'm a university student. Which university? At St Paul's University. At St Paul's University. What do you take? Bachelors in communication. Currently single degrees here in China, I'm going to bachelors. Let's go over to Anod. So do you want me to go? I'm okay with. You're okay with me? Good to have you man. Thank you. So my name is Anod. My dad calls me Junior and then I'm a student at the University of Nairobi. I'm taking biology. But okay mama. Biology. These are the guys. Someone said something. But anyway, these are the people that we talk to. And you're like, they are being biologically. This is the biology center to go to Napaata. Ata Michelle. They are going to ask anybody. But to physics. But to physics. It's great to have a presenter here. My name is Michelle Ashira. I'm a broadcast journalist. Currently working for right here. I'm a residential right here. So make sure you catch my show tomorrow from 7 to 10.30 a.m. That is hip up Thursday. And I'm glad to be for the first time we are doing something together at X. My goodness. This is so amazing. I hope it won't end up being like it's a reverted way of the story. We never know. That's why people back at home have to stay tuned. Yes, because it ends up being the other way round. And of course I'm still having another generation on set from St. Paul's. Are you by the student because I have two students here? Oh, yeah. All the way from St. Paul's University. Goodness. St. Paul's University in the house. Alright, let's begin the discussion. Of course, keep interacting with us on our Facebook page. That is Y254. Y254 channel. And of course, it's YouTube to take a two. But that came as a two if it. You take a two up or push up or two comments up or then we get to preview. There was a discussion we had even before we began. Of the same. Okay. It's YouTube and it's a brighter because we're telling on our comments of smile too. He honored. Yeah. If by chance you are trying to get into someone at Shikivi, then akwambiezi, your first reaction would be? Oh, I don't know what to say. But at first, in rejection there's pain. Uh huh. The first point a person tells you, you're hitting at a lady and then she's telling you, I'm not in this. The first thing that comes to you is his pain of rejection. You know, you feel disappointed. Uh huh. And that's why most guys get it wrong. When you want to date, just don't put these expectations. Are men prepared for rejection? No. Most men are not prepared for rejection. Because even the ladies, in all these things happen so fast. Things happen so fast. Before you know it, you think you have this lady and then umpatana chaliaki. Okay, where will you go? Where will you go? You know, you think it's your girlfriend, then umpatana chaliaki. That's how things happen. Who is lying to who? Let me share and tell us this. Who's lying to who? Who's lying to who? That's a very good question. But let's start by saying that when it comes to relationship, if you're looking forward to, you like someone, right? I always say you don't have investing emotions. You're not supposed to invest emotions earlier on in any relationship. You have to first engage with a person. Know their personality. Does it click with yours? Do you guys have the same, let me not even go to specific things that interest you. Do they click with other person? You don't have to rush into a relationship and now start investing emotions. And that's where people go wrong. Start investing emotions earlier on in a relationship. So people invest emotions. And it should be in a position because it's not okay science, emotions. You can actually control emotions. And that's why men actually men are way quite ahead when it comes to investment of emotions. They know these things. And that's why you can find a man probably dating two or three other women. But women are always in terms of where we come from being naturally and brought up. We are emotionally beings. But being appointed by you understand that you're not supposed to invest emotions earlier on in a relationship. But it's supposed to be at the end of the day because it's a two way thing? Yes. So you will, there are certain things that you're looking for as a woman, right? So you'll... Looking for? Yeah. Everyone is looking for something when you get into a relationship. Not just getting it because I want to get in a relationship. There's something she's looking for. Michelle is like, yeah, yeah, yeah. The official gift is actually a great because it's true. So you don't have to invest quite early and rejection is done, people should actually... It's part of the... Probably your worldview is different. What's your take? My take is pretty much the same as hers. Really? Yeah. You shouldn't invest in a relationship. You shouldn't get into a relationship just because people are in one. There's something you're looking for. You must... Okay. People looking for something before even think about kuhu rejectiva? I think for ladies it's a checklist or stuff. For ladies it's a checklist. Then as a vision is in the house. Thank you, brother. Yeah. I know that will be your point. I think... Before you give this guy hints, you know, obviously there are hints. And the ladies, kuna vilona penda kuhu geji and if you want to wake up holy, they tell you yes and then some no. Past your nose. So come up and ask me something that happened with this other guy. I'll come back to this guy. So we have several options. Ya, kuna msuwa kredo. Then kuna msuwa... So who do you tell them at this time? Kuna chifamba na solve the issues. There are many guys. And I know it. Before we speak to a lady, she has options. So who should we be looking at in terms of the checklist? Because if someone sees it, kuna nakritu langa, look and introduce the checklist. I want to tell men, don't invest your emotions as fast because the signs on the wall, if you see you're forcing something from the first day, just let it go. Atakama mbogei me request your dem, just let it go. Because in the long run, you'll be hurt in the end. And then one thing, let your no be a no as a lady. Okay. You have a question of debate. A no is a no? Is it a yes or something? I would like to agree with this. No, I agree. Because I feel like everyone is agreeing. You really say you agree. So it's okay, let's agree. We have section of ladies who have a couple of men under their strings. And it's something that's still going on from young ladies. And in terms of men, I feel it's double standards. You as a guy or even guys back at home, young men. I'm so sure you have a couple of ladies under your strings. So at the end of the day, it feels double standards when you say like a lady kuna ulawa kredo, kuna waku pelika salon, kuna manyata kulipia. Kuna nene ingine? For the ladies. Nails. Your nails. Hey, think of your nails or whatever that. So papa. So you'll meet. You have a list of by yourself. You can at least tell us who you are funding here. So let's get a gift and say, yeah, but it's something I don't think that we are into this, but I'm just saying that we have young ladies and something going on. Let's talk about this. Michelle, let me call you a gift then, Michelle. How do you, in the best and easiest way, say not one guy, like he's a crazy one. How do you politely? In the most in the most polite way. Maybe just tell them, you're not ready. Just please. Oh, he is not. You're not as a lady? Who should say that I'm not ready? I think the lady should say that. Okay. What do you used to measure? Okay, let me do it. When I tell a guy that you're not ready, I feel like it doesn't matter if he's not ready. Like the person will just stick around. So he'll not come. When he's not ready, he'll say he's not ready and they are parted too because the son is just so you're not ready. So he won't, I've seen this. Like I've experienced it. Like he will feel like you're not ready. So I'm just going to wait until you're ready. Well, I'm, you know, going out on a being with other people. So you're just like keeping pending. Okay, Michelle. Then tell us how do you did politely because I may say ma. Straight up. Just be straight up. Just don't be around the bush. Just tell the person that you're not ready. Politely, Michelle. You don't want to hurt anyone. Yes. These are the way you can go around. Okay, let's say it's me then. Do it. You don't want to hurt me. You don't want to hurt me. You don't want to hurt me. I'm not going to give you money like here. No, later. Wait, wait. Wait, wait. Wait, wait. You're first of all, the most. Okay, something that I've seen work, it's mentioned like you're in a relationship probably. And then you state that you're in a stable relationship and you're not looking for someone else. Pa now, yeah. That actually works magic. That's right. Let me not. When do you think even if she was to turn you down like by the way, you trying to offer out. Yeah, I date out then sounds like Ah zi. Wele na sema kwanza, it hurts at first. But you have to put your ego behind and everything and know that if you want to force this thing, it's going to hurt you even more in the end. And maybe that's what I'm saying like for ladies, you said you are emotional beings, you are. Just don't let the emotions of onajaribu not to hurt this guy, make you do some things that are going to hurt him in the long run more than being honest. Don't compromise who you are because you don't hurt this person. Just be honest and be honest in a nice way. Like if I could figure at the extreme of kubebama shoka like it's been happening, it was a sad thing that happened some time back. I think it was some rejection and then something happened. The lady was killed and many more. I don't think inafakufika hapo. How do you know what's going on here? I feel like the society, let's leave the society alone. I feel like young people even when being brought up in terms of from back home to school, people should be nurtured or wired in a way that they accept rejection because a couple rejection leads you to a lane of success. It makes you quite close towards what you want. Probably you're looking for a job, right? You'll get rejected. That is something that you're supposed to know. You'll go to auditions to say that you're not fitting for this particular role. You go to a job interview. We're not looking for you right now. It's the same thing when you come into a relationship. Understand that you'll meet people that you're interested in them and they won't be interested in you. That is okay. You'll still go on working on yourself, self-development they say, focus on what you love. Just go on with life. It's not the end of the life. It's not the end of the road to whatever you want. So make sure you just... Someone said please that it's the hardest thing and the toughest thing to handle. It is to love someone who doesn't love you. Yes. And it's the hardest thing ever to try to make that person to love you. What did you take on that? It's hard. You know, love this person. Nika maile like... You love the person like for real, but she doesn't love you back. It happens for most guys. So you like... So many are the most victims here? Ya. Is there something called love on the first sight? Oh, you have just said that. Ya, because he has spoken about this is a point where you can love someone and maybe it can happen as a scenario where it was a long relationship and the person is lying to you. But for me I believe you can just meet someone and you tell them that you love them and you want to settle the life. There's a difference between meeting someone for the first time and telling them that you love them for the first time without even telling them. Okay. You see, for instance, I meet this chikwa street then I'm like, man, I love this chikwa. There's a difference between... That is like the appearance. Yes, because you're meeting the first time. Alright, let's say... Let's just say you love the appearance and everything else. Then you're like, I love this chikwa. Then you keep it to yourself. Until some other time, that's when you'll be like, okay now, time has come for me to tell you the hard truth and the reality. There are two different things. So first of all, you've met the person, you love them, but you're not telling them. I feel like when you meet someone, you like them. Then you get to know them. Then that's when love comes in. No, let's say that another guy is nagging, really pushing on what you don't like. How do you address that politely? I say it. It becomes the straight up aspect. That's right. Yes, being honest. That's what I'm saying. I know I know this. I know that one. It's similar like you're interested in it with me or you want us to have a relationship and it comes straight up to you to tell you and I'm honest that I am not, I don't feel this vibe. I bet you're going to react like... I think the first thing is there's signs on the wall every time before it's at anything. So I'm not going to be soft on men here. Okay, okay. If you see this lady you're trying to talk to her the first time, the second time. You do one every time the conversation and everything. She's not interested in you. That's the first thing. And eventually you have to let these feelings go because you can't keep on like feeling excited. You're looking at your phone waiting for it to text you every time, every time. Then it could be a kumisho. You're like very disappointed. So I think on being polite in saying no, it can start with the signs on the wall. Like from the very first time you're meeting. All right. But we have people who don't actually say no. We have ladies who don't say no. They will string you along because you have something called feel a date. I was actually talking to your brothers and they were like it's wrong. But it's happening. We have people who just go on dates to just... because let's look at it, right? I'm from a heartfelt relationship. And I'm in the process of healing so the guy approaches me I'm not interested in them but I know that this person is well of probably financially. We have ladies who do feel a date but they will go on dates with you but they have no interest in you. So that's also another mistake that ladies do. All right. Section of ladies. Let me talk to Deft. Have I ever been a victim of this? Yeah. How did you react vigorously? As Anul said, you should always be ready for anything. You should learn to take things calmly not to hurt yourself. You should always be ready for anything. Are you sure if you never had the pillow moment? Those pillow moments, you get to cry in the house all by yourself? I have. Thank you. At least to Makubali. At least to that. We are not fair enough to say that. Someone has agreed to this. Have you ever had those pillow moments at the rejection? As a man. And you know African men, we have been told like men don't cry, you know? Yeah. All right. I can't tell you. Say that as a man you have. Yeah. What had transpired? Do you have rejected Fulia in full measure? No. I was being tagged along. Like I think for two to three years. Wow. That's the long time frame. For two to three years. It was a science on the wall. Why didn't you exist if there were signs? There were signs on the wall. They are well spaced, yes. And a pinch of no. I was always on the leash of this lady. And then when it happened, I came to realize I was playing the second fiddle then. So that is what you talk about the issue of the check list? Yeah. Because the people who come with that check list and you're like, owa makuja exam room kuni examina maninini? You know she came on to say I had a good heart. So she was. Yeah, you looked like a good kid. This guy looked like he has a good heart. Yeah but I moved on. That's also until the guys out here. There is power in moving on. There is power in starting over. Right. There is freedom in doing things your way. Atokiyachwa? Yes. There's a word that you use in English, jilt. That is the word that you use when you jilted. I know it's taken to comfort the young men that have been jilted. Mine was Samo. It has to be when you Samo young. And then we were here when we were 18, almost 19. So when you realize things had happened too fast, then you have to move on. I mean, your life is not going to be determined by this one relationship, you know. By this one lady you've invested your feelings on, then you're working up, you're realizing that she's not into you. So is it that you ejected yourself or you exited her? What happened? I'm not too proud. I have to be honest. It was hard. It was hard. I just took time, long time, long time until I came to realize I'm over it. Then I'm here in love with other things. What about these? I resorted to do things that make me happy. Okay, okay. Even Michelle Square bear like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway guys, let's get to have a look of what you're saying on social media and on Facebook page. I have a solo master ki. That is Kenya Kitale. We are watching your principles. We'll help you to filter the thoughts that you are always serious. You get serious once only. Is that true? Like if I'm serious, you're going to be serious when you're coming to me. That is the standard raised. Ah, I like what you said. I read it. Is it about standards? Yes. Yes, standards are there. In Mani Nambia, I'm a two-person lady with standards. Just put them as the walls. You know what you want, so you're going to block things. Is this something with life? I don't know why people complicate these issues on standards. Make it seem for us. So you have standards, right? You know what you're looking for. Probably you're looking for someone. A man who you, when you look at that person, you'll find a mentor. You're looking for a man who is going to be there for you emotionally. Certain things that you're looking for, right? So you're going to target that. Anything else that comes within those lanes, you know, stick to your lane, right? Right. Do you think men have a way of raising a standard, or it's just ladies? Personally, I think it's the ladies. It's the ladies because... Guys, it's only one who comes along. If you see the way the society is structured and our economy and everything... No, economy? No, no, no. I'm saying all these things, they ultimately add up to dating and stuff. So when you see everything that is said from education and everything, it's like the girl child has been given an elevation. So kuna vilambavu na pata the ladies, they raise their standards because they have options. Okay, okay. Let me go to Michelle. Do you think you're bringing determines a standard? It does very much. Okay. Yeah. This is interesting. Okay. I want you. It does. If you're brought up in a way, maybe your parents, let's say your mum tells you, it's okay for you to do things on your own. Don't wait for a man to come and do this for you. Yes. When a man approaches you and he starts saying, I'll be doing this for you, doing this for you, you'll be like, wait, what are you saying? I can do this for myself. I was brought up in a way that mama told me, do it on your own. And you've actually seen her doing it. So it's going to be quite easier to do it. I just want to, okay, I don't want to bring in another topic of mama thing because we have mamas. Everyone has their mama bubble thing. It's basically where you're brought up, the exposure. So if you can see your mother taking care of bringing her share of value to the table, probably financially or whatever aspect she's bringing to the table. If she can do it and then you're out here, you'll probably even do better because you've seen umonak to kakwa zazi. So it's something that you'll tag along with it. Which no, let's even how you handle your rejection. Yes. All right. So we have a chance ireriwa shamata, watching from shamata. Biga manze shals. Then we have the the grima boy. Hey, morning, locked. Kutoka kwa le mazeras. First I'd like to appreciate Mary's work and I like her counter. That is previously on string number one. May God bless her and I like to save my youth. Manze mtaani. I love the designs. Usually they're the ladies. Yeah, they're from the store. That was amazing. Yes. Second up on studio Mkopoa manze by being yourself and avoiding being fake. That is how we usually are here 254. We don't, we don't fake things. We become so real and authentic. We finish up things. Kasi si enjoy morning. Then we have Rosie baby Iroongo big up. Good morning. Thika tuna. Thanks so much, Rosie. But whatever Thika makongeni na uko yote. Thank you very much. Ugarli a jaana. What a name. Siki lamara. Only in your topics about your girlfriend or boyfriend kwa conversation. Here design wubisana mafisi na mafisi let. Kukilifi of course na handa even jinaje na kubifre bro. Then you have David Opanda. You can avoid it by talking but not to be extremely rude. Ama ama opanda from Kitale. I'm Opanda from Kitale. Right. So anasema kumbe you They are people extremely rude. Okay. And people were like but they have no time for you so you better leave. We have people like that. You have something. I see you have something to say. When it comes to being polite and being rude it depends on how that person approached you. If the person approached you in a good way and you just politely turned it down then they still insist on it. At some point it it just pieces you and you have no option but to be rude and just to keep them off in a you know. Ya they are both in a strong way. A couple of us picture by probably working by the rude and someone just approaches you in a wrong way. A thin line on sexual harassment I say they are interested in it. So probably you will be kind to that person. Ya. Alright so it's no matter how it all emerges and how it comes out and how you came. That plays a role. Do you think if I let me not tease myself because you are like I don't come to you lightly and then you are like someone comes and give you another environment that is so cool more than What do you mean by environment which is so cool? Do you know that women are meant to adopt the environment given? Right. It is a fact. Women usually adopt the environment. It's like a seed. When a seed is placed in the right soil it will definitely germinate. No women are meant to be like that. They accommodate the soil rather than the environment that is given. Then would you say it's okay when men are named to be visual right? Men are visual. Then would you say that women get attracted to a man who is providing the right environment? What is the right environment? The right environment simply means I can relate to your story can relate to your life can relate to your character and such kind of stuff. Everyone can relate to that every woman. Not everyone. Every woman. That is why you cannot date me because we may not. You cannot date another guy because you may not. Now when it comes on to someone who is like Anod is really giving me the right environment but these are the guys badu. What do you mean by environment unamanisha physical things? Okay. Every aspect every aspect that you want to give it every aspect of it it can flow within a span of a minute then by the time you're thinking of changing the gears then he is now your main guy and like proposing. What if you have all the physical things but when I'm looking at your vision and your goals environment incorporates everything. Okay then I'm going to be attracted to that. That's the thing that I'm talking about and now how do you tell these are the guy like zi. I'm going to be I'm going to be kind to you. Are you going to be kind? I'm going to be kind to you and tell you that actually I have met someone who I am my vision his goals and mine are aligning. So yeah.