 In 1977, George Lucas would create one of the most revolutionary films in all of movie history, Star Wars. In 1986, he would discredit everything he had accomplished by producing Howard the Duck. Let's talk about it. Directed by William Hewick and written by a bunch of people that don't know how to write movies, Howard the Duck is one of the most amazing films I've ever watched, just recently, for the first time. Because a Patreon, by the name of Matt Sclarro, had a sick twisted dot. That was to make me watch this pile of crap and review it for your displeasure. Well, Matt, I watched an hour and fifty minute horrible, horrible waste of time, and I thank you for your support on Patreon at patreon.com slash adamdoesmovies at the Mithril level. With that membership tier, you have a great perk where you can suggest movies for me to watch, and I have to, and give you a shout out. And if you continue that support throughout the year, you can have up to four movie recommendations. It's a good time for everyone involved, except for me, because I have to watch these terrible movie recommendations. Let's talk about Howard the Duck. One more thing before I begin. I brought this movie up in the past that I was gonna review it, talk about it, and Comments said this was a good movie. There is no ducking way! Someone actually thinks that. I just can't fathom how in the hell you could look at Howard the Duck and think, oh, that's a great film. That's a fun time. Unless you're saying it like, yeah, that's a good movie to laugh at, because then I'm on board. Although I didn't really laugh at it either. I was just so miserable sitting through the experience. The film starts with a quasi noir style to it. We're doing kind of slow pans through Howard's house. We see some of the playbills on the wall, another duck puns. This whole movie's a pun. If you like puns, don't watch Howard the Duck, because they're terrible. But they're there. They're always present. We learned that he's kind of a has-been. A washout was once successful in the music industry. Now he spends a life sitting on his couch watching TV. And that's honestly how this guy should be, because he's an asshole. He's like Deadpool without the charm, good looks, or anything positive about the character. He's really just a sarcastic douchebag. And that can only take you so far in a film. Like four minutes in, and then you want to shut it off. But we have to spend an eternity with this guy. He's not going to spend a lot of time there tonight though, as something is going to pull him out of his house, rip him straight through the wall, past a neighbor who's naked in a tub. Keep in mind she's also a duck, and has tits. Duck tits! Woo-hoo! Ladies and gentlemen, we already have our introduction to the multiverse in the MCU, and it started with Howard the Duck. He's going to be plopped down AT EARTH in a very different world. A world that's full of humans, and not ducks that have evolved over time. After using some quacktastic quack-foo on the local Waffle House gang, he's then greeted to the heroine of the picture. Heroine? Heroine? Heroine. And that's punk rock singer Beverly Switzler, played by Leah Thompson very much in her prime in this film. I have to say, even though she's a complete idiot in this film and they dress her like a dumbass, I couldn't take my eyes off her. She is stunning. And it's the only thing that kept me invested. That and the fact, I'm pretty sure she was going to bone this duck at some point, because from day fun, she looked at Howard and said, Yeah, I think I'm into ducks now. I might be transgender. She sees this short tempered anthropomorphic duck and thinks to herself, Yeah, I'd like to know this guy more. I'm going to bring it back to my place. And it doesn't take long for her to snoop through his wallet, see all of his different credit cards that are, of course, duck puns. And there's even a little prophylactic condom in there just because we don't know who this movie's for. Is it for kids? Because of the slapsticky nature and terrible fighting? Or is it for adults? Because let's keep track. We already have a condom. We already have duck tits. We already have a playboy ducky. And this is all within the first 10 minutes of the film. There's a lot more that's going to happen, such as Howard getting a job where he tries to bite the back of a heavy set black woman's ass. And the job he, for some reason, gets for an afternoon is cleaning out a bathhouse, which at one point features a couple banging in the tub that he's trying to clean out. What is this movie? How was it green lit? Who is it for? I truly don't understand how I was watching things happen on the screen. It was insane. And it's at this point where my wish is almost granted as smoking hot Leah Thompson in her prime starts kissing the duck. And she's ready to go all the way with this thing. But she is rudely interrupted by hammy ass acting from Tim Robbins. Not discrediting Tim Robbins here. Everyone was directed to be hammy, corny, cheesy, ducky, terrible. Everything's terrible about this movie, except for, I guess, the duck himself. Howard the duck, that whole thing is pretty cool. The costume design, the look. I mean, it's creepy as all shit. But it looks impressive, especially for the 80s. And what the hell's the deal with Leah Thompson? Why does she keep picking roles like this where she's put in these awkward sexual situations? Howard the duck, you look back on back to the future. She tries to bang her own son. Now keep in mind, these are both very hot ideas presented by Leah Thompson. And those would be fun pictures to watch. Unfortunately, this is the last time we get to see her in bed with Howard and it's lights out. The rest of this movie is just full-on miserable. Now I'm just waiting for it to end. Once the unintelligible plot kicks in around the hour mark, that's when I'm fully checked out. It has something to do with the laser beaming in a dark alien overlord who wants to rule over Earth. He's gonna bring his other minions in. It has a kind of ghostbuster-esque vibe to it, not in the good way, but just plot-wise. Because he takes over the human body of the principal from Ferris Bueller's Day off, great actor by the way, love him and everything except for this now, and then the guy's gonna do a bunch of weird shit, talk-bizarre, and he has to take his code key inserted into the machine to bring the rest of the dark overlords in. In the meantime, he develops Darth Vader powers because of course he does. He can use the Force, he can shoot cheap CG lightning out of his hands. I can assure you, it's all very bad. We have an extended fight scene at a cafe where Howard the Duck jumps on top of counters and starts hitting people with pies. Not one, not two, not three, I think four. I think four henchmen are hit with pies in the face because they just run at Howard like, YEEEAH! And Howard goes, Pies up! Here you go, cracker! That's verbatim. He calls a dude cracker. These are the insults that this jackass comes up with. At one point, he and Andy Dufresne get on one of those bi-planes. I don't think that's the proper term. It's like a bicycle plane. I don't, is that, is that the right name? I don't, I don't know what it's called. But anyway, they're whipping around the town, dodging cars, dodging cops. This goes on for an eternity. They never get off this plane. It just keeps going. He's like the Energizer Ducky. And while this is happening, there is music playing the entire time. I'm talking non-stop musical moments that sound like they're ripped right out of the never-ending story, which is incredibly appropriate because this movie never ends! They finally get to a power plant where evil bad guy absorbs all the energy, all the nuclear radiation he can, and his final form is revealed. A ugly rendering of a stop-motion superimposed creature, tentacle monster without the fun hente. I'm sorry, I'm really horny in this video because this whole movie's horny. Everyone wants to bang everyone and everything. Why was this made? What is happening? Howard the Duck defeats him by shooting him with some moon gun that he had attached to a golf cart, and then he's buried in rubble. Unfortunately, Howard the Duck doesn't die. He lives. And he quacks another joke. Kill me. This movie ends appropriately enough with Howard the Duck being the manager of his girlfriend's shitty band, and they play us out with another god-awful song, credits roll, and I die a little bit more inside. A piece of me that I didn't even know I had left, buried way down deep, is fractured and can never be made whole again. I want to once more give a special thank you to Matt over on patreon.com and Adam Does Movies for recommending this gem of a film, this unearthed object of affection and admiration that we can all look back on and say, yeah, wow, what a pile of shit. You too can become a member. Head on over to patreon.com slash Adam Does Movies or become one right here on YouTube being that joined button. There's different tiers. At the $30 mythril, you get a movie on me. And if you continue for the year, you can get up to four. The goal is to help me grow the channel and do this hobby that I love by supporting and for the great support I'm doing my best to give you movie reviews in return. Alright, thanks once again for watching. Like the video if you had a good time. Think about subscribing if you haven't. And hopefully, I'll see you next time. Take care.