 The Jack Benny program, transcribed and presented by Lucky Strike. Lucky's taste better. Cleaner, fresher, smoother. Lucky's taste better. Cleaner, fresher, smoother. For Lucky Strike means mind tobacco. Richard tasting mind tobacco. Lucky's taste better. Cleaner, fresher, smoother. Lucky Strike! Lucky Strike! This is Don Wilson. Friends, you may remember that last year a survey was made in leading colleges from coast to coast. This was a survey of smokers, and it showed that Lucky's were the favorite cigarette in those colleges. Yes, Lucky's were number one. This year, another nationwide survey was made. A representative survey of all students in regular colleges, coast to coast. Based on thousands of actual student interviews, this survey shows that Lucky's lead again. Lead over all other brands, regular or king size, and by a wide margin. These students were asked why they smoked Lucky's. The number one reason given this year, just as last, was Lucky's better taste. After all, smoking enjoyment is all a matter of taste. And the fact of the matter is, Lucky's taste better. They taste better because they're made of fine, naturally mild, good tasting tobacco. And because they're made better. That's why we're asking you to be happy, go Lucky. Get yourself a carton of Lucky's the first chance you have. Be happy, go Lucky, get better taste today. The Lucky Strike program, starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Rochester, Dennis Day, Bob Crosby. Here's truly... And now, ladies and gentlemen, let's go out to Jack Benny's house in Beverly Hills. Now, the reason I'm keeping my voice down is because it's four o'clock in the morning. And I don't want to disturb our little star who at the moment is sound asleep. What was that? What was that? The phone. That's a phone. Who'd be calling me in the middle of the night? Must be an emergency. It's four o'clock in the morning. Maybe somebody's sick, Dennis, or Mary. I better answer it. Who are my slippers? Oh, there they are. I'm coming. Gee, I hope they don't hang up. Hello? This is Hank, the all-night disc jockey. If you tied spaghetti end to end, how many pounds would it take to go around the world? If you answer the question correctly, you'll win two glorious weeks at Pismo Beach. Now, wait a minute. It's four o'clock in the morning. That answer is incorrect. Goodbye. He hung up on me. Well, he's not going to get away with that. Operator, operator. Number, please. Operator, would you please get me Hank, the disc jockey? At four o'clock in the morning? Are you crazy? What? If I were you, buddy, I'd crawl out of that phone booth, get a cup of black coffee, and go home. Oh, yeah, well, you're just a smart aleck. Let me talk to the head telephone operator. I'm sorry, but the head telephone operator is busy. Then let me talk to the supervisor. The supervisor isn't in. Would you like to talk to Alexander Graham Bell? Oh, never mind. Gosh, I'm so mad now I'll never get back to sleep. Imagine being waken by a silly disc jockey at four o'clock in the morning. Sorry I answered it. Should have let it ring and ring it. Hey, wait a minute. Why didn't Rochester answer the phone? He couldn't have been that sound asleep. I'm going to find out. Rochester, why didn't you a- Hmm, he's not here. His bed hasn't been slept in. Twenty-five after four, and he's not home yet. Well, I'm going back to bed. In the morning, I'm going to tell him a thing or... Uh-oh, there's the front door, just as I thought. It's Rochester. Look at him sneaking into the house. Hmm, he's taken off his shoes. Now he's tiptoeing across the living room. Well, I'd like to see him get out of this. Oh, Rochester! What are you doing up on your toes? I'm dancing the minute you ask. Rochester, what's the idea of coming in at four o'clock in the morning? Coming in. I saw you open the front door and come in. Uh-oh, one of our belong two had a social gathering and the president had... Oh, ten o'clock, eight. That was his intention. What happened? At nine thirty, we elected a new president. I thought so. Now, I'm going back to bed. I'll talk to you about this in the morning. Now go to your room. Yes, sir. Good night. Good night, good night. I hope I can fall back to sleep. Can't get over that disc jockey. There ought to be a law against doing a thing like that. Hmm. Well, I've been up a little while. I don't feel sleepy. Matter of fact, I feel good. A lot of people get up early in the morning. Some of them even take long walks before breakfast. They say it keeps them healthy. Maybe that's what I need, more exercise. I notice lately that when I tell people I'm thirty-nine, some of them don't believe it. That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to get dressed and take a nice long walk. I think I'll call Mary and ask her if she'd like to go with me. Mary, this is Jack. Jack? Nothing, Mary. I just called to ask you if you'd like to go for a walk with me. Walk? Jack, what time is it? Twenty minutes to five. Twenty minutes to five? Yes, Mary. I figured if we walked down Wilshire Boulevard and headed east, you see we can see the sunrise. Jack? What is it, Mary? Let me talk to the man. Colt, there must be one of them with you. Mary, I'm not crazy. Well, you must be something. Calling me up to go for a walk at five o'clock in the morning. I told him to get a cup of black coffee and go home. I'm afraid I'll get none of your business. Now, Mary, if you'll get dressed, I'll be right over and... How do you like that? She hung up. Oh, well. I don't care what Mary thinks. I made up my mind to go out for a walk with you. Gosh, I've never been out so early in the morning. The sun hasn't come up yet. The air is so nice and brisk. Here comes the street cleaner. Good morning, mister. Good morning, Mac. I can see now why the streets of Beverly Hills are so clean. Thanks, Mac, but that's what I get paid for. I pick up papers, leaves, rubbish. Anything I find lying in the street, I pick up and put in this barrel. And then I take it over to the city dump Hey, wait a minute, Mac. You can't take nothing out of that barrel. But he's a friend of mine. Remli. Hey, you really know him? Certainly, that's Frank Remli. He leaves the orchestra at the Cine Grill. Well, did you have a lot of trouble getting him into the barrel? Oh, I didn't put him in a barrel. You see, we street cleaners all go by numbers. Uh-huh. The number on my barrel is 102. And when he saw that, he dived right in. That's his favorite beer. That and 101 others. Anyway, it serves him right. Take him to the city dump. I did that yesterday and they refused him. Okay, so long, Mac. So long, so long. Since Remli's become a celebrity, things are really different. Now they pick him up. They used to sweep around him. You can't understand why Mary didn't want to take a walk with me. She had 5.30 in the morning. You see, things so differently. After the sun comes up, I walk back home and eat a nice big breakfast. Gosh, I just can't get over it. Me, Jack Benny, walking the streets at this hour of the morning. Things sure look different. And quiet, too. There's a few people here and there on their way to work. I bet this fellow walking behind me would be surprised to find out that he was walking on the same side of the street with a star of stage, screen, radio, and television. I beg your pardon, but may I have your autograph? Oh, oh, you recognize me? No, I heard you talking to yourself. Gosh, this is embarrassing. You must have thought I was egotistical. I thought you were nuts. Look, Mr. Do you, or don't you want my... Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. I've got to catch up on this. What a smart aleck. I hope he misses it. Oh, well. A kiss on the hand may be quite continental, but diamonds are a girl's best friend. Look at that tin can on the sidewalk there. A kiss may be grand, but it won't pay the rent on your humble flat or help you at the automatic. Oops, it went out in the street. I remember when I was a kid, I used to kick a rock all the way to school. They didn't have tin cans in those days. Look at the picture they're showing at this theater. From here to eternity. She at 5.30 in the morning, a theater looks so empty. There isn't even a girl in the box office selling tickets. I've never seen a theater so empty. Yes, I have, but I don't want to think about it. I better start back home now. This walk has really worked up an appetite. Jack, Jack, Benny. Bob, Bob Crosby. Well, Jack, the sun hasn't come up yet. What in the world are you doing out on the street? It's just a little walk. But Bob, where are you and Bagby and Fletch and Kimmy can Sammy the Drum are driving to? Well, Jack, my boys in the band don't get much time for relaxation, so I'm taking them duck hunting. Oh, is that why you're wearing those red coats? Oh, certainly that's a safety measure so the other hunters can see you. Hey, that's quite... Wait a minute. Only four of you are wearing the red coats. Well, I know, Bagby doesn't have one. Well, aren't you worried? No, piano players are a dime a dozen. Well, Bagby's caliber, yes. Well, I do hope you bring back a lot of ducks. Oh, we can't miss. We got the most unusual decor. Now, when we get out to the lake, Sammy the drummer has agreed to wade out into the water until just his head sticks out. But decoy is that Sammy's head doesn't have any feathers? Well, I know. But the ducks will think it's an egg and they'll fly down and they'll sit on it. And while the duck is sitting on Sammy's head, you'll all start shooting. Oh, loud, Jack. He doesn't know about that part of it. Oh, good. Good. Well, we better get started, Jack. It's a long drive to the High Sierra's. High Sierra's? Bob, you're heading in the wrong direction. Well, I know, but we gotta go down to the city dump and pick up Remly. Well, so long, Bob. So long, Jack. The day is starting to break. Well, I think I've walked enough. I'm getting a little tired, too. I better head for home. Here I am back home. That sure was a long walk. I think I'll go right in and go to bed. Oh, darn it, I forgot my key. Gosh, my legs are so tired I can hardly stand up. Don, what are you doing here? I brought the sportsman quartet over so you could hear the commercial. This early in the morning? Early in the morning? Why, it's a quarter to ten. Oh, my goodness, I really took a long walk. Of course, would you like some breakfast? I just made some dollar-sized pancakes. No, I'm too tired to eat. Put them back in the safe. I mean, refrigerate them. Jack, how come you took such a long walk so early in the morning? Oh, some silly guy who calls himself Hank, the disc jockey, called me at four o'clock this morning. Oh, kidding, Jack. Did he ask you if you tied spaghetti in the end? How many pounds would it take to go around the world? Yes, Don, how did you know? I won ten dollars for sending in the question. Oh, Jack, Jack, the sportsman, don't hurry. How about listening to the commercial? I'm too tired. I can hardly keep my eyes open. Oh, this won't take long. I'll hit it, fellas. Better wake up, wake up. You sleep ahead. Get up, get up. Get out of that chair of sun. It's time that you were rising. Behead, get up, on his red lip. Love, life, and be happy. What is it, but still I listen for hours. If you have one at rehearsal, makes no difference. You gotta have it now. Well, now, let me think. Let me see. There is no, no, nothing like puff, puff, puffin' along. That's good. He's dry. That's fine. It's the best smoke yet. It's the cigarette you are sure. They're really, really, really, really better. You'll be starting in rightful by a car. I like to catch cold. Maybe I better take it off his head and put it on his chest. Rochester. Rochester. Rochester. Did you know that at 20 minutes to five this morning, Mr. Benny called me and asked me to go out for a walk? He did. Who's he think he is, Bernard McFadden? He will be in about four more years. Mr. Benny now. He's asleep on the couch in the living room. Well, I'm going in there and wake him up. Come on. Uh, Jack. Uh, Jack, wake up. Miss Livingston, why don't you pat his cheek? Jack. Uh, Jack. What is it, Marilyn? What's everybody talking about? What's you, Mary? What are you doing over here? What am I doing over here? Yesterday you asked me to go with you to buy some new suits for your television shows. So come on, let's go. But, Mary, I'm too tired. Well, it's your own fault. Imagine getting up at four o'clock in the morning to take a walk. Well, don't blame me. Blame Hank, the all-night disc jockey. Jack, I don't know what you're talking about. All I know is you made a date with me to go buy some new clothes. So put on your hat and come on. Look, Mary, I'm too tired. Anyway, my car isn't running. All right, we can take the bus right down to Hollywood. The bus? Oh, all right. It only took 12 minutes to get down here. Now, where's the clothing store you go to? Just around the corner. I don't know why we had to get on such a crowded bus. How to stand all the way. I know. Ha, ha, ha. What are you laughing at? You were so tired, instead of holding on to the strap, you just stuck your head through the loop and fell asleep. What's funny about that? At the next stop, a man got on, took one look at you dangling there and said, I know his last picture was bad, but somebody went too far. He probably just said that for a gag. Then why'd he cut you down? I don't know. I'm too tired to argue with you. Here, here's the clothing store. Jack, stop yawning. I can't help it. I'm so sleepy I can hardly keep my eyes open. Well, this won't take long. Oh, here comes the salesman. How do you do? Oh, no. Uh, Clerk, Mr. Benny wants to buy a new suit. Well, whether he wants to or not, he should. Look, mister, I'd like to get home. I was up at four o'clock this morning and I'm... Very well. I'm sure you'll like both our materials and price range. Price range? Yes, we have some beautiful suits at $28.75 and $29.50. Or would you prefer something cheaper? I didn't come in here for anything cheap. I'll take the $29.50. A lot of you, boy. Mary, please. Look, mister, how can you possibly afford to sell suits at such low prices? Oh, that's simple. You see, we have no costly fixtures. Oh. Charlie, pick up some of those suits off the floor and show them to Mr. Benny. Never mind. I don't want those. Very well. Would you like to see something in a sport outfit? A sport outfit? Yes, that's when the coat and pants don't match. Oh. Now, if you're looking for a real bargain, I can show you a beautiful pair of sport pants. Sport pants? Yes, the legs don't match. Mary, let's go home. Well, I'm tired. Oh, Jack, don't be so stubborn. If they don't have a suit to fit you, maybe they can make one to order. Hey, that's a brilliant idea. I'll go get some material. Look, mister, while you're going, do you mind if I lie down on these chairs? Not at all. Jack, if you lie down, they won't be able to measure you. Oh, yes, we can. Our tailor used to work for Pierce Brothers. I'll stand up. I'll stand up. Oh, I just happened to remember. Our tailor is off today. I'll have to fit you myself. Well, for heaven's sakes, get started. I will. I will. Would you like me to measure your chest, or would you rather not know? I've got to get some sleep. Let's go home. Jack, if you don't buy a suit, now you'll never buy one. Okay, okay. I'll take that blue one. But Jack, it may not be your size. I don't care what size it is. I want to get some sleep. Now, how much is it? It's $29.50. Okay, here's the money. Come on, Mary. I want to get home. Uh, uh, uh, just a minute. Huh? We always like to check on our advertising. Did you come into our store because you saw our ad in the paper, or did you hear our program on the radio? Radio? Yes, we sponsor Hank the All Night Disc Jockey. Four o'clock in the morning and get away with it, gentlemen. One of our greatest national hazards is fire. Tonight, through carelessness, a fire could start in your home and a life could be lost. Don't let it happen. Be on guard constantly against fire. Make sure every match, every cigarette is out before you discard it. Empty all ash trays before leaving the house or going to bed. Observe all fire regulations. Don't give fire a place to start. Thank you. Jack, we'll be back in just a minute. But first, remember the winner of the $25,000 Tamashanna Golf Tournament, Lou Worsham. Here he is to get a word in wedge-wise. Hello, folks. The club that I have in my hand is a double-service wedge. You'll remember that I made one of the most lucrative shots that I have ever made with this club. During the Tamashanna Tournament, I used this club at the last hole from 115 or 20 yards away and made one of the luckiest shots of my whole life. Other golfers might have chosen an eight or a nine iron to play this shot. To me, the wedge has been one of my favorites. On that day, that was a lucky choice. And when it comes to cigarettes, my choice, luckies. They taste better. Lou Worsham is right. Smoking enjoyment is all a matter of taste. And the fact of the matter is, luckies taste better. Because lucky strike means fine tobacco and luckies are made better. So be happy. Go lucky. Ask for a carton of lucky strike. Are you comfortable, Mr. Benny? Yes, Rochester. You want another blanket? No, no. I'm perfectly comfortable. And look, I want to get a good long sleep so no phone calls, no disturbances of any kind. Yes, sir. I hope you sleep well, boss. Thank you. Oh, boy, that was a good sleep. Ten full hours. I really feel great. But what am I going to do now? It's four o'clock in the morning again. Oh, I guess I'll just have to take another walk. The Jack Benny program is written by Sam Perrin, Milk Joseph Burke, George Balzer, John Tackeberry, Al Gordon, Al Goldman, and produced and transcribed by Hilliard Marx. Be sure to hear The American Way with Horace Hite for Lucky Strike every Thursday over this same station. Consult your newspaper for the time. The Jack Benny program is brought to you by Lucky Strike, the product of the American tobacco company, America's leading manufacturer of cigarettes. And now stay tuned for the Amazon Andy Show, which follows immediately on the CBS Radio Network.