 This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Recorded by Methuselah. Ulysses by James Joyce Part 2, The Odyssey Episode 12, Cyclops, Part 2 In the darkness, spirit hands were felt to flutter, and when prayer by tantris had been directed to the proper quarter, a faint but increasing luminosity of ruby light became gradually visible. The apparition of the etheric double being particularly life, like owing to the discharge of gyvec rays from the crown of the head and face. Communication was affected through the pituitary body, and also by means of the orange fiery and scarlet rays emanating from the sacral region and solar plexus. Questioned by his earth name as to his whereabouts in the heaven world, he stated that he was now on the path of prelaya or return. But was still submitted to trial at the hands of certain bloodthirsty entities on the lower astral levels. In reply to a question as to his first sensations in the Great Divide, beyond, he stated that previously he had seen as in a glass darkly, but that those who had passed over had summit possibilities of atomic development opened up to them. Interrogated as to whether life there resembled our experience in the flesh, he stated that he had heard from more favoured beings now in the spirit that their abodes were equipped with every modern home comfort, such as telafana, alavatar, hatakalda, wataklasat, and that the highest adepts were steeped in waves of volipsy of the very purest nature. Having requested a court of buttermilk, this was brought and evidently afforded relief. Asked if he had any message for the living, he exhorted all who were still at the wrong side of maya to acknowledge the true path for it was reported in divanic circles that Mars and Jupiter were out for mischief on the eastern angle where the ram has power. It was then queried whether there were any special desires on the part of the defunct and the reply was, We greet you, friends of earth, who are still in the body. Mind C.K. doesn't pile it on. It was ascertained that the reference was to Mr. Cornelius Kelleher, manager of Monsieur's H.J. O'Neill's popular funeral establishment, a personal friend of the defunct, who had been responsible for carrying out the internment arrangements. Before departing, he requested that it should be told to his dear son Patsy that the other boot which he had been looking for was at present under the commode in the return room and that the pair should be sent to Cullen's to be sold, only as the heels were still good. He stated that this had greatly perturbed his peace of mind in the other region and earnestly requested that his desire should be made known. Assurances were given that the matter would be attended to and it was intimated that this had given satisfaction. He has gone from mortal haunts, O Dignan, son of our mourning. Fleet was his foot on the bracken, Patrick of the beamy brow. Whale, bonba, with your wind, and whale, O ocean, with your whirlwind. There he is again, says the citizen, staring out. Who, says I, bloom, says he. He's on point duty up and down there for the last ten minutes. When he got up I saw his physog do a peep in and then slide her off again. Little Alph was knocked by a ways fate he was. Good Christ, says he, I could have sworn it with him. And says Bob Doran with the hat on the back of his pole, lowest, blaggard and dublin' when he's under the influence. Who said Christ as God? I beg your pardon, Ips, says Alph. Is that a good Christ, says Bob Doran, to take away poor little willy Dignan. Oh well, says Alph, trying to pass it off. He's over all his troubles, but Bob Doran shouts out of him. He's a bloody ruffian, I say, to take away poor little willy Dignan. There he came down and tipped him to wink to keep quiet, that he didn't want that kind of talk in respectable licensed premises. And Bob Doran starts doing the weeps about Paddy Dignan. True as you're there, the finest man, says he, snivelin', the finest, purest character. The tear that's bloody near your eye, talking through his bloody hat, fitter for him to go home to the little sleepwalkin' bitch, he married Mooney, the Bombayliff's daughter. Mother kept in a kip in Hardwick Street that used to be stravaging about the landings. Bantam Lyons told me that it was stoppin' there at two in the mornin' without a stitch on her. Exposin' her person opened all corners fair field and no favour. The noblest, the truest, says he, and he's gone, poor little willy, poor little Paddy Dignan. And mournful and with heavy heart he bewept the extinction of that beam of heaven. Old Gary Owens started growlin' again at Bloom that was skeasin' round the door. Come in, come on, he won't eat ya', says the citizen. So Bloom slopes in with his cod-seye and the dog, and he asks Terry was Martin Cunningham there. Oh, Christ McEon, says Joe, readin' one of the letters. Listen to this, will ya', and he starts readin' one out. Seven Hunter Street, Liverpool, to the high sheriff of Dublin. Honoured, sir, I beg to offer my services in the above-mentioned painful case. I hanged Joe Gann in Boodlejale on the 12th of February, 1900, and I hanged Shoahs, Joe, says I. Private Arthur Chase for foul murder of Jesse Tillsett in Pentingill Prison, and I was assistant when Jesus says I. Billington executed the awful murderer Toad Smith. The citizen made a grab at a letter. Hold hard, says Joe. I have a special knack of puttin' the noose. Once in, he can't get out. Hopin' to be honoured, I remain honoured, sir. My term is five guineas, each rumbled master-barber. And a barbarous bloody barber he is, too, says the citizen. And the dirty scroll of the wretch, says Joe. Here, says he, take them to hell out of my sight, Alf. Low bloom, says he. What will ya' have? So they started arguing about the point. Bloom sayin' he wouldn't, and he couldn't, and excused him no offence and all that, and he said, well, he'd just take a cigar. Gobi's a prudent member and no mistake. Give us one of your prime stinkers, Terry, says Joe. And Alf was tellin' us there was one chap sent in a morning-card with a black board around it. Dear old barbers, says he, from the black country that would hang their own fodders for five quid down in travelin' expenses. And he was tellin' us there's two fellas waitin' below to pull his heels down when he gets the drop and choke him properly. And then they chop up the rope after and sell the bits for a few bob of skull. In the dark land they bide the vengeful knights of the razor. Their deadly coil they grasp, yea, and therein they lead to Erebus. What so error-white has done a deed of blood, for I will unknow why suffer it even so, saith the Lord. So they started talkin' about capital punishment. And of course Bloom comes out with the why and the wherefore and all the codology of the business. And the old dogs smellin' them all the time. I'm told those jewies does have a sort of queer order comin' off them for the dogs. About I don't know what all deterrent effect and so forth and so on. There's one thing that hasn't a deterrent effect on, saith Elf. What's that, saith Joe? The poor bugger's tool that's been hanged, saith Elf. That's so, saith Joe. God's truth, saith Elf. I heard that from the headwarder that was in Kilmaine and when they hanged Joe Brady the invincible. He told me when they cut him down after the drop it was standin' up in their faces like a poker. Ruling passion, strong and death, saith Joe, as someone said. That can be explained by science, says Bloom. It's only a natural phenomenon, don't you see, because on account of the—and he starts with his jawbreakers about phenomenon and science and this phenomenon, the other phenomenon. The distinguished scientist, hair professor Lutpold Blumenduft, tendered medical evidence to the effect that the instantaneous fracture of the cervical vertebrae and the consequent cission of the spinal cord would, according to the best-approved tradition of medical science, be calculated to inevitably produce in the human subject a violent ganglionic stimulus of the nerve centres of the genital apparatus, thereby causing the elastic pores of the corpora cavernosa to rapidly dilate in such a way as to instantaneously facilitate the flow of blood to that part of the human anatomy known as the penis or the male organ, resulting in the phenomenon, which has been denominated by the faculty, a morbid upwards and outwards phylo-progenitive erection. Inarticulomortis per diminutianum capitis. So, of course, the citizen was only waiting for the wink of the word, and he starts gassing out of him about the invincibles and the old guard and the men of sixty-seven and who fears to speak of ninety-eight and Joe with him about all the fellas that were hanged, drawn and transported for the cause by drum-head court-martial and a new Ireland, a new dis, that and the other. Talking about a new Ireland, he ought to go and get a new dog so he ought, mangy ravenous, brute, sniffing his knees all round the place and scratching his scabs. And round he goes to Bob Doran, that was standing alfalfa one, sucking up for what he could get. So, of course, Bob Doran starts doing the bloody fool with him. Give us the paw, give the paw, doggie. Good old doggie, give the paw here, give us the paw. Ah, bloody end to the paw. He'd paw an elf trying to keep him from tumbling off the bloody stool atop the bloody old dog, and he, training by kindness and thoroughbred dog, an intelligent dog, give you the bloody pip. Then he starts scraping a few bits of old biscuit out at the bottom of a Jacobs tin, he told Terry to bring. Gobby galloped it down like old boots in his tongue, hanging out of him a yard long for more, near eight to ten in all hungry, bloody mongrel. And the citizen in bloom, having an argument about the point, the brothers' shears and wolf-tone beyond on Arbor Hill and Robert Emmett and Die for Your Country, the Tommy Moore touch about Sarah Curran and she's far from the land. And bloom, of course, with his knock-me-down cigar putting on swank with his lordy face, phenomenon. The fat heap he married is a nice old phenomenon, with a back on her like a ball alley. Time they were stopping up into city arms, Pisser Burke told me there was an old one there with a cracked ludoram and of a nephew, and bloom trying to get the soft side of her doing the molly-cuddle, playing beseek to come in for a bit of the wampum in her will, and meat of a Friday because the old one was always tumping her craw and taking the lout out for a walk. And one time he led him to rounds of Dublin and by the holy farmer he never cried crack till he brought him home as drunk as a boiled owl and he said he did it to teach him the evils of alcohol and by herrings if the tree woman didn't near roast him. It's a queer story, the old one, Bloom's wife and Mrs. O'Dowd that kept a hotel. Jesus, I had to laugh at Pisser Burke taking them off chewing the fat and bloom with his, but don't you see, and put on the other hand. And sure more be token the lout I'm told was in powers after, the blenders round in Cope Street going home footless in a cab five nights in the week after drinking his way through all the samples in the bloody establishment. Phenomenon. The memory of the dead, says the citizen, taking up his pint glass and glaring at Bloom. Aye aye, says Joe. You don't grasp my point, says Bloom. What I mean is shin fain, says the citizen. Shin fain awan. The friends we love are by our side and a foes we hate before us. The last farewell was affecting in the extreme from the bell freeze far and near the funereal death bell told unceasingly while all around the gloomy precincts rolled the ominous warning of a hundred muffled drums punctuated by the hollow booming pieces of ordinance. The deafening claps of thunder and the dazzling flashes of lightning which lit up the vastly seen testified that the artillery of heaven had lent its supernatural pump to the already gruesome spectacle. A torrential rain poured down from the floodgates of the angry heavens upon the bared heads of the assembled multitude which numbered at the lowest computation 500,000 persons. A posse of Dublin metropolitan police super intended by the chief commissioner in person maintained order in the vast throng for whom the York Street brass and reed band wiled away the intervening time by murmurably rendering on their black draped instruments the matchless melody endeared to us from the cradle by Speranza's plaintive muse. Special quick excursion vans and upholstered charabonks had been provided for the comfort of our country cousins of whom there were large contingents. Considerable amusement was caused by the favourite Dublin street singers LNHN and MLLGN who sang the night before Larry was stretched in their usual most provoking fashion. Our two inimitable drolls did a roaring trade with their broadsheets among lovers of the comedy element and nobody who has a corner in his heart for real Irish fun without vulgarity will grudge them at their hard-earned pennies. The children of DeMail and Female Foundling Hospital who thronged the windows overlooking the scene were delighted with this unexpected addition to the day's entertainment and a word of praise is due to the little sisters of the poor for their excellent idea of affording the poor fatherless and children a genuinely instructive treat. The visceral house party which included many well-known ladies was chaperoned by their excellencies to the most favourable positions on the grandstand while the picturesque foreign delegation known as the Friends of the Emerald Isle was accommodated on a tribune directly opposite. The delegation present in full force consisted of comendatore Bacci Bacci Benino Benone the semi-paralyzed doyen of the party who had to be assisted to his seat by the aid of a powerful steam crane. Monsieur Pierre-Paul Petit Paton the grand joker Vladimir Pokertagertriff, the arch joker Leopold Rudolf von Schwurzenbad Haudenthaler, Countess Marja Verraga Kisasoni Putrapesti, Hiram Waibomboost, Count Athenatos Caramelopoulos Ali Baba Bacci Rahat Lokum Affendi Senior Hidalgo Caballero Don Peccadillo and Palabras and Peter Noster de la Malora de la Malaria Hocopoco Harakiri Hihung Chang Olaf Cobber Kettelsen Meinheer Trick van Tromps Pan-Polax Padiriski Goosepond Pricklister Crachina Britchesich Boris Hupinkoff Herr Huhrhaus, Director President Hans, quickly, too early National Gymnasium, Museum Sanatorium and Suspensoriums Ordinary, private, docent General History Special Professor Dr. Kriegfried Uber Algemain All the delegates, without exception, expressed themselves in the strongest possible heterogeneous terms concerning the nameless barbarity which they had been called upon to witness. An animated altercation, in which all took part ensued among the F.O.T.E.I. as to whether the 8th or the 9th of March was the correct date of the birth of Ireland's patron saint. In the course of the argument, cannonballs, scimitars, boomerangs, blunderbusses, stinkpots, meat choppers, umbrellas, catapults, knuckle dusters, sandbags, lumps of pig iron were resorted to and blows were freely exchanged. The baby policeman, Constable McFadden, summoned by special courier from Boomerstown, quickly restored order and with lightning promptitude proposed the 17th of the month as the solution equally honourable for both contending parties. The ready-witted 9-footers suggestion was at once appealed to all and was unanimously accepted. Constable McFadden was heartily congratulated by all the F.O.T.E.I. several of whom were bleeding profusely. Commendatore Benino Benone, having been extricated from underneath the presidential armchair, it is explained by his legal adviser, Avocato Pagamimi, that the various articles secreted in his 32 pockets had been abstracted by him during the affray from the pockets of his junior colleagues in the hope of bringing him to their senses. The objects which included several hundred ladies and gentlemen's gold and silver watches were promptly restored to their rightful owners and general harmony reigned supreme. Quietly unassumingly, Rumbold stepped on to the scaffold in faultless morning dress and wearing his favourite flower the gladiolus cruentis. He announced his presence by that gentle Rumboldian cough so many have tried unsuccessfully to imitate. Short, painstaking yet with all so characteristic of the man. The arrival of the world-renowned headsman was greeted by a roar of acclamation from the huge concourse. The vice-driegel ladies waving their handkerchiefs in excitement, while the even more excitable foreign delegates cheered vociferously in a medley of cries hoch, banzai, elgin, zivio, cinchin, polacronia, hip-hip, viva, ala, amid which the ringing of viva of the delegate of the land of Song a high double F recalling those piercingly lovely notes with which the eunuch Catalani, be glamoured, our great-great grandmothers, was easily distinguishable. It was exactly seventeen o'clock. The signal for prayer was then promptly given by megaphone and in an instant all heads were bared. The commandatory's patriarchal sombrera which has been in the possession of his family since the revolution of France, being removed by his medical adviser in attendance Dr. Pippi. The learned prelate who administered the last comforts of holy religion to the hero martyr when about to pay the death penalty, knelt in a most Christian spirit in a pool of rainwater, his cassock above his hoary head and offered up to the throne of grace fervent prayers of supplication. Hand by the block stood the grim figure of the executioner, his visage being concealed in a ten-gallon pot with two circular perforated apertures through which his eyes gloured furiously. As he awaited the fatal signal he tested the edge of his horrible weapon by honing it upon his brawny forearm or decapitated in rapid succession a flock of sheep which had been provided by the admirers of his fell but necessary office. On a handsome mahogany table near him were neatly arranged the quartering knife, the various finely tempered disemboweling appliances specially supplied by the world famous firm of cutlers Monsieur's John Round and Sons Sheffield, a terracotta saucepan for the reception of the duodenum, colon, blind intestine and the appendix etc. when successfully extracted and two commodious milk jugs destined to receive the most precious blood of the most precious victim. The house steward of the amalgamated cats and dogs home was in attendance to convey these vessels when replenished to that beneficent institution. Quite an excellent repast consisting of rashes and eggs, fried steak and onions done to a nicety. Delicious hot breakfast rolls and invigorating tea had been considerably provided by the authorities for the consumption of the central figure of the tragedy who was in capital spirits when prepared for death and evinced the keenest interest in the proceedings from beginning to end. But he, with an abnegation rare in these our times, rose nobly to the occasion and expressed the dying wish immediately acceded to that the meal should be divided in adequate parts among the members of the second indigent roomkeepers association as a token of his regard and esteem. The neck and non-plus ultra of emotion were reached when the blushing bride elect burst her way through the seried ranks of the bystanders and flung herself upon the muscular bosom of him who was about to be launched into eternity for her sake. The hero folded her willowy form in a loving embrace murmuring fondly, Sheila Mayone. Encouraged by disuse of her Christian name, she kissed passionately all the various suitable areas of his person which the decencies of prison guard permitted her ardour to reach. She swore to him as they mingled the salt streams of their tears that she would ever cherish his memory, that she would never forget her hero boy who went to his death with a song on his lips as if he were but going to a hurly match in Clontour Park. She brought back to his recollection the happy days of blissful childhood together on the banks of Anna Liffey when they had indulged in the innocent pastimes of the young and oblivious of the dreadful present they both laughed heartily. All the spectators including the venerable pastor joined in the general merriment. That monster audience simply rocked with delight. But anon they were overcome with grief and clasped their hands for the last time. A fresh torrent of tears burst from their lacrimal docks and the vast concourse of people touched to the innermost core broke into heart-rending sobs not the least affected being the aged probendery himself. Big strongmen, officers of the peace and genial giants of the royal Irish constabulary were making frank use of their handkerchiefs. And it is safe to say that there was not a dry eye in that record assemblage. A most romantic incident occurred when a handsome young Oxford graduate noted for his chivalry towards the fair sex, stepped forward and presenting his visiting card bank book and genealogical tree solicited by the hand of the hapless young lady requesting her to name the day and was accepted on the spot. Every lady in the audience was presented with a tasteful souvenir of the occasion in the shape of a skull and crossbones brooch. A timely and generous act which evoked a fresh outburst of emotion. And when the gallant young oxonian, the bearer by the way of one of the most high-monored names in Albion's history, placed on the finger of his blushing fiancee, an expensive engagement ring that emerald set into form of a four-leaved shamrock, the excitement knew no bounds. Nay, even the stern Provo Marshal Lieutenant Colonel Tomkin Maxwell French Mullen Tomlinson who presided on the sad occasion, he who had blown a considerable number of sea poise from the cannon mouth without flinching, could not now restrain his natural emotion. With his mailed gauntlet he brushed away a furtive tear and was overheard by those privileged burgers who gave him his immediate entourage to murmur to himself in a faltering undertone, God, blimey if she ain't a clinker that dare bleedin' tart, blimey it makes me kind of bleedin' cry straight it does when I see her cos I think of my old mash tub what's waitin' for me down Lime House way. So then the citizen begins talkin' about the Irish language and the corporation meeting and all to that and the chenines that can't speak and Joe chippin' in because he stuck someone for a quid and bloom puttin' in his old goo with his two-penny stump that he caged off Joe and talkin' about the Gaelic League and the anti-treating League and Drink the Curse of Ireland. Anti-treating is about the size of it God he'd let you pour all manner a drink down his throat till the Lord would call him before he'd seed a fraught of his pint and one night I went in with a fella into one of their musical evenings and he'd sing and dance about she could get up on a truss of hay she could my Maureen lay and there was a fella with a ballet-holy blue-ribbon badge spiffin' out of him in Irish and a lot of Colleen Bonds goin' about with temperance beverages and selling medals and oranges and lemonade and a few old dry Bonds gobb flahoola entertainment don't be talkin' Ireland sober is Ireland free and then an old fella starts blowin' and all the gougers shufflin' their feet to the tune the old cow died of and one or two sky pilots havin' an eye round that there were no goings on with the females hittin' below the belt so how and ever as I was sayin' the old dog sayin' the tin was empty starts mousin' around by Joe and me I'd train him by kindness so I would if he was my dog give him a rousin' fine kick now and again where it wouldn't blind him afraid he'll bite ya says the citizen jeering no, says I, but he might take my leg for a lamppost so he calls the old dog over what's on ya Gary? says he then he starts haulin' and maulin' and talkin' to him in Irish and the old Towser growlin' lettin' on to answer like a duet in the opera such growlin' ya never heard as they did off between them someone that has nothin' better to do ought to write a letter pro bono publico to the papers about the muslin order for a dog to like it at growlin' and grousin' in his eye all bloodshot from the drafters in it and a hydrophobia droppin' out of his jaws end of section 24 recorded by Methuselah section 25 of Ulysses this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Ulysses by James Joyce part 2 the other sea Episode 12 Cyclops part 3 all those who are interested in the spread of human culture among the lower animals and their name is Legion should make a point of not missing the really marvellous exhibition of Syontrophy given by the famous old Irish red-setter wolf dog formerly known by the subroket of Gary Owen and recently rechristened by his large circle of friends and his own Gary the exhibition which is the result of years of training by kindness and a carefully thought out dietary system comprises among other achievements the recitation of verse our greatest living phonetic expert while horses shall not drag it from us has left no stone unturned in his efforts to delucidate and compare the verse recited and has founded a striking resemblance to the run of ancient Celtic bards we are not speaking so much of those delightful love songs with which the writer who conceals his identity under the graceful pseudonym of the little sweet branch has familiarised the book loving world but rather as a contributor DOC points out in an interesting communication published by an evening contemporary of the harsher and more personal note which is found in the satirical effusions of the famous raftery and of Donal McConsidine to say nothing of a more modern lyricist at present very much in the public eye we sub-join a specimen which has been rendered into English by an eminent scholar whose name for the moment we are not at liberty to disclose though we believe that our readers will find the topical allusion rather more than an indication the metrical system of the canine original which recalls the intricate alliterative and isosalabic rules of the Welsh Anglin is infinitely more complicated but we believe our readers will agree that the spirit has been well caught perhaps it should be added that the effect is greatly increased if Owens verse be spoken so much slowly and indistinctly in a tone suggestive of suppressed ranker curses of my curses seven days every day and seven dry Thursdays on you Barney Kearden has no sup of water to cool my courage and my gut's red roaring after Lori's lights so he told Terry to bring him some water for the dog and God you could hear him lapping it up a mile off and Joe asked him would he have another I will see Akara to show there's no ill feeling God he's not as green as he's cabbage looking arson around from one pub to another leaving it to your own honour with old Guildtrap's dog and getting fed up by the rate payers and co-operators entertainment for man and beast and says Joe could you make a hole in another pint could I swim duck says I same again Terry says Joe are you sure you won't have anything in the way of liquid refreshments says he thank you no says blue as a matter of fact I just wanted to meet Martin Cunningham don't you see about this insurance of poor dignums Martin asked me to go to the house you see he dignum I mean didn't serve any notice of the assignment on the company at the time and normally under the act the mortgagee can't recover on the policy holy war is says Joe laughing that's a good one if old Shylock has landed so the wife comes out top dog what well that's a point says bloom for the wife's admirers who's admirers says Joe the wife's admirers I mean says bloom then he starts all confused and looking it up about mortgager and under the act like the Lord Chancellor giving it out on the bench for the benefit of the wife and that a trust is created but on the other hand the dignum old bridge meant the money and if not a way for the widow contested the mortgagee's right till he near had the head of me addled with his mortgager under the act he was bloody safe he wasn't running himself under the act that time as a rogue in a vagabond only had a friend in court and our tickets are what do you call it royal Hungarian privileged lottery sure as you're there oh commend me to an Israelite royal and privileged Hungarian robbery so Bob Doran comes lurching around asking Bloom to tell Mrs. Dignum he was sorry for her trouble and he was very sorry about the funeral and to tell her that he said and everyone who knew him said that there was never a truer affiner than poor little Willie that's dead to tell her and with bloody foolery and shaking Bloom's hand doing the tragic to tell her that shake hands brother you're a rogue and I'm another let me said he so far presume upon our acquaintance which however slight it may appear if judged by the standard of mere time is founded as I hope and believe on a sentiment of mutual esteem as to request a view this favor but should I have overstepped the limits of reserve let the sincerity of my feelings be the excuse for my boldness no rejoined the other I appreciate to the full the motives which act to aid your conduct and I shall discharge the office you entrust to me consoled by the reflection that though the errand be one of sorrow this proof of your confidence sweetens in some measure the bitterness of the cup then suffer me to take your hand said he the goodness your heart I feel sure will dictate to you better than my inadequate words the expressions which are most suitable to convey an emotion whose poignancy were right to give vent to my feelings would deprive me even of speech and off with him and out trying to walk straight boozed at five o'clock night he was near being lagged only paddy ledder knew the bobby fourteen a blind to the world up in a she been in bright street after closing time fornicating with two shawls bullion guard drinking porter out of tea cups and calling himself a Frenchie for the shawls Joseph Manow and taken against the Catholic religion and he serving mass in Adam and Eve's when he was young with his eyes shut who wrote the New Testament and the Old Testament and Hogan and Smogan and the two shawls killed with the laughing picking his pockets to bloody fool and he spilling the porter all over the bed and the two shawls screeching laughing at one another how was your the Old Testament have you got an Old Testament only Patton was passing there I tell you what then see him have a Sunday with a little concubine of a wife and she wagging her tail up the aisle of the chapel with her patent boots on her no less and her violets nice as pie doing a little lady Jack Mooney sister and the old prostitute of her mother procuring rooms to street couples God Jack made him totally lying told him if he didn't patch up the pot jesus he kicked the shite out of him so Terry brought the three points here says Joe doing the honors here citizen Sloan that says he fortune Joe says I good health citizen God he had his mouth halfway down the tumbler already what a small fortune to keep him in drinks who's the long fella running for the mayor of the Alps says Joe friend yours says Alph Nanan says Joe the Nimbler I won't mention any names says Alph I thought so says Joe I saw him up at that meeting now with William Field MP at the cattle traders Harry I opus says the citizen that exploded volcano the darling of all countries in the idol of his own so Joe starts telling the citizen about the foot and mouth disease and the cattle traders and take an action in the matter and the citizen sending them all to the right about a bloom coming out with a sheep dip for the scab and a hose drench for coffin calves and the guaranteed remedy for timber tone because he was up one time in a yard walking about with his book and pencil here's my head and my heels are coming till Joe cuff gave him the order of the boot for given lip to a grazer mr. Noah teacher grandmother how to milk ducks pistol brook was telling me in the hotel the wife used to be in rivers of tears sometimes with Mrs. O'Dowd crying her eyes out with the eight inches of fat all over couldn't loosen her farthing strings but old cod's eye was waltzing around her showing her how to do it program today by humane methods because the poor animals suffer an expert say and the best known remedy that doesn't cause pain to the animal and on the source part administer gently copied have a soft hand under a hen guy guy gara cook cook cook black Liz is our hen she lays eggs for us when she lays her eggs she is so glad gara cook cook cook then comes good uncle Leo he puts his hand under black Liz and takes her fresh egg gara gara gara cook cook cook anyhow says Joe field in the netty are going over tonight to London to ask about it on the floor the house of commons are you sure says bloom the councillor is going I wanted to see him as it happens well he's going off by the mail boat says Joe tonight that's too bad says bloom I wanted particularly perhaps only mr. field is going I couldn't phone no you're sure Nannan's going to says Joe the league told him to ask a question tomorrow about the commissioner of police forbidding Irish games in the park what do you think it acts citizen the slew in the hearing Mr. Cowan acre multifarming nationalist arising out of the question of my honourable friend the member for chalet may I ask the right honourable gentlemen whether the government has issued orders that these animals shall be slaughtered though medical evidence is forthcoming as to their pathological condition Mr. all fours tamo shant conservative honourable members are already in possession of the evidence produced before a committee of the whole house I feel I cannot use fully add anything to that the answer to the honourable member's question is in the affirmative Mr. or rally or Riley montanette nationalist have similar orders been issued for the slaughter of human animals who dare to play Irish games in the phoenix park Mr. all fours the answer is in the negative Mr. cow can acre has the right honourable gentlemen's famous mitchell's town telegram inspired the policy of gentlemen on the treasury branch ho Mr. all fours I must have notice of that question Mr. all fours don't hesitate to shoot ironical opposition cheers the speaker the house rises cheers there's the man says Joe that made the gaelic sports revival there he is sitting there the man that got away James Stevens the champion of all Ireland that put in the 16 pound shot what was your best row citizen no backlash says the citizen letting on to be modest there was a time I was as good as the next fellow anyhow put it there citizen says Joe you're wearing a bloody sight better is that really a fact say death yes says bloom that's well known did you not know that so often started about Irish sports and shone in games and the like of lawn tennis and about hurly and the put in the stone and racy of the soil and building up a nation once again and all said that and of course bloom had to have his say too about if a fellow had a rowers heart violent exercise was bad I declared to my anti massacre if you took up a straw from the bloody floor and you said to bloom look at bloom do you see that straw there's a straw declared to my aunt he'd talk about it for an hour so he wouldn't talk steady a most interesting discussion took place in the ancient hall of Brian O'Kiernan's in shraw in a britain vogue under the auspices of the slow and the heron the revival of ancient gaelic sports and the importance of physical culture as understood in ancient Greece and ancient Rome and ancient Ireland for the development of the race the venerable president of the noble order was in the chair and the attendance was of large dimensions after an instructive discourse by the chairman a magnificent oration eloquently and forcibly expressed a most interesting and instructive discussion as the usual high standard of excellence ensued as to the desirability of the revivability of the ancient games and sports of our ancient pancreatic forefathers the well-known and highly respected worker in the cause of our old tongue Mr. Joseph McCarty Hines made an eloquent appeal for the resuscitation of the ancient Gaelic sports and pastimes practiced morning and evening by Finn McCool as calculated to revive the best traditions of manly strength and prowess handed down to us from the ancient ages Elblum who met with a mixed reception of applause and hisses having espoused the negative the vocalist chairman brought the discussion to a close in response to a repeated requests and hearty plaudits from all parts of a bumper house by a remarkably noteworthy rendering of the immortal Thomas Osborne Davis's evergreen verses happily too familiar to need recalling here a nation once again in the execution of which the veteran patriot champion may be said without fear of contradiction to have fairly excelled himself the Irish Caruso Garibaldi was in superlative form and his stentorian notes were heard to the greatest advantage in the time-honored anthem sung as only our citizen can sing it his superb high-class vocalism which by its super quality greatly enhanced his already international reputation was vociferously applauded by the large audience among which were to be noticed many prominent members of clergy as well as representatives of the press and the bar and the other learned professions the proceedings then terminated among the clergy present were their very reverent William Delaney the reverent J.L.L.D the right reverent Gerald Malloy the reverent P.J. Kavana C.S.S.P the reverent T. Waters C.C. the reverent John M. Ivers the reverent P.J. Cleary O.S.F. the reverent L.J. Hickey the very reverent Father Nicholas O.S.F.C the very reverent B. Gorman O.D.C the reverent S.J. the very reverent James Murphy the reverent John Lavery V.F. the very reverent William Daherty D.D. the reverent Peter Fagan O.N. the reverent T. Branigan O.S.A. the reverent J. Flavin C.C. the reverent M. A. Hackett C.C. the reverent B.R. Slattery O.M.I. the very reverent M.D. Scali P.P. the reverent F.T. Purcell O.P. the very reverent Timothy Cannon Gorman P.P. the reverent J. Flannigan C.C. the laity included P.F.A. T. Quirk, etc etc talking about violent exercise says Alph were you at that Q. Bennett match says Joe I heard so-and-so made a cool hundred quid over it says Alph who blazes says Joe and says Bloom what I meant about tennis for example is the agility and training the eye I blazes says Alph he let out that myler was on the beer to run up the odds and he swat him all the time we know him says the citizen the traitor son we know what put English gold in his pocket true for you says Joe and Bloom cuts in again about lawn tennis and the circulation of the blood asking Alph don't you think Bergen myler dusted the floor with him says Alph Heenan and Thiers was only a bloody fool to it handed him the father and mother of a beaten she had little kipper not up to his navel and a big fellow swiping God he gave him one last puck in the wind Queensbury rules and all made him puke what he never ate it was a historic and a hefty battle when myler and Percy were scheduled to don the gloves for the purse of fifty sovereigns handicapped as he was by lack of poundage Dublin's pet lamb made up for it by superlative skill in ringcraft the final bout of fireworks was a grueling for both champions the welterweight sergeant major had tapped some lively claret in the previous mix up during which Kyo had been receiver general of rights and lefts the artillery man putting in some neat work on the pet's nose and myler came on looking groggy the soldier got to business leading off with a powerful left jab to which the irish gladiator retaliated by shooting out a stiff one flush to the point of Bennett's jaw the red coat ducked but the Dubliner lifted him with a left hook the body punch being a fine one the men came to hand grips myler quickly became busy but his man under the bout ending with the bulkier man on the ropes myler punishing him the Englishman whose right eye was nearly closed took his corner where he was liberally drenched with water and when the bell went came on gamey and brimful of pluck confident of knocking out the fistic eblinite in jig time it was a fight to a finish and the best man for it the two fought like tigers and excitement ran fever high the referee twice cautioned poking Percy for holding but the pet was tricky and his footwork a treat to watch after a brisk exchange of courtesies during which a smart uppercut of the military man brought blood freely from his opponent's mouth the lamb suddenly waded in all over his man and landed a terrific left to battling Bennett's stomach flooring him flat it was a knockout clean and clever amid tense expression a short bellow bruiser was being counted out when Bennett's second hole fought Swetstein throwing the towel and the sentry boy was declared victor for the frenzy cheers of the public who broke through the tight ropes and fairly mobbed him with delight he knows which side his bread is buttered says Alf I hear he's running a concert tour now up in the north he is says Joe isn't he who says bloom ah yes that's quite true the kind of summer tour you see just a holiday Mrs B is the bright particular star she says Joe my wife says bloom but she's singing yes I think it will be a success too he's an excellent man to organise excellent ho ho begum says I to myself says I that explains the milk and the coconut and the absence of hair in the animal's chest blazes doing the tootle on the flute the sun off island bridge that sold the same horses twice over to the government to fight the boars oh what what I called about the poor and water rate Mr Boylan you know what the water rate Mr Boylan that's the book that will organise her take my tip, twix to me and you Caderiche pride of Cubs Rocky Mount the raven haired daughter of Tweedy their grocery to peerless beauty where loquat and ailments sent the air the gardens of Alameda knew her step the guards of olives knew and bowed the chaste spouse of Leopold is she Marion of the Bountiful bosoms and lo there entered one of the clan of the Omeloys a comely hero of whiteface yet with all somewhat ruddy his majesty's council learned the law and with him the prince and heir of the noble line of Lambert hello Ned hello Elf, hello Jack hello Joe, God save you says the citizen, save you kindly says JJ, what let me Ned half one says Ned so JJ ordered the drinks were you round at the court says Joe yes says JJ he'll square that Ned says he I hope so says Ned now what were those two at JJ getting him off the grand jury list and the other give him a leg over the style, what's his name in stubs plain cards hobnobbing with flash tufts with a swank glass in their eye a drinking fizz and he have smothered in rits and garnishy orders pawning his gold watch in Cummins of Francis Street where no one would know him in the private office when I was there with pisser releasing his boots out of the pop what's your name sir there's a I God he'll come home by weeping cross one of those days I'm thinking did you see that bloody lunatic green round there says Elf you pee up yes says JJ looking for a private detective I says Ned and he wanted right go wrong to address the court only corny keller her got round tell him to get the handwriting examined first 10,000 pounds says Elf laughing God would give anything to hear him before our judge and jury was it you did it Elf says Joe the truth the whole truth nothing but the truth so help you Jimmy Johnson me says Elf don't cast your nasturtiums on my character whatever statement you make says Joe will be taken down in evidence against you of course an action would lie says JJ it implies that he is not compass mentis you pee up compass your eyes says Elf laughing do you know that he's Bami look at his head do you know that some mornings he has to get his hat on with a shoe horn yes says JJ but the truth of the libel is no defence to an indictment for publishing it in the eyes of the law haha Elf says Joe still says Bloom on account of the poor woman I mean his wife pity about her says the citizen or any other woman marries a half and half how half and half says Bloom do you mean he half and half I mean says the citizen I found it's neither fish nor flesh nor good red herring says Joe that's what I mean says the citizen if you know what that is begob I saw there was trouble coming and Bloom explaining he meant on account of it being cruel for the wife having to go round after the old stuttering fool cruelty to animals so it is to let that bloody poverty stricken brain out on grass with his beard out tripping him bringing down the rain and she with her nose cock a hoop after she married him because the cousin of his old fellas was pure opener to the pope picture of him on the wall with his smash of Sweeney's moustaches the senior Brini from Summerhill the Italiano papal suave to the holy father has left the key and gone to mob street and who was he tell us a nobody a two pair back in passages at seven shillings a week and he covered with all kinds of breast plates bidding defiance to the world and moreover says JJ a postcard is publication it was held to be sufficient evidence of malice at the test case Sadgrove versus whole in my opinion an action might lie six napkins please who wants your opinion let us drink our points in peace gobb we won't be let even do that much itself well good health jack says Ned good health Ned says JJ there he is again says Joe where says Alf he was passing the door with his books under his oxter and the wife beside him and corny killer with his walleye looking in as they went past talking to him like a father trying to sell him a second hand coffin how did that canada swindle case go off says Joe remanded says JJ one of the bottle nose fraternity it was went by the name of James Wout alias Shapiro alias spark and spiro putting that in the paper saying he'd give passage to canada for 20 bob what did you see any green in the white of my eye of course it was a bloody brownie what swindled them all skivvies and bodocks from the county meet I and his own kidney too JJ was telling us there was an ancient Hebrew Zaretsky or something weeping in the witness box with his hat on him swearing by the holy Moses he was stuck for two quid who tried the case says Joe recorders isn't it poor old sir Frederick says Al you can cut him up to the two eyes aren't as big as a lion says Ned tell him a tale of all about a rears of rent and a sick wife and a squad of kids and faith he'd dissolve in tears on the bench I says Al Robin J was bloody lucky he didn't clap him in the dock the other day for suing poor little gum lead it's minding stones for the cooperation there near the footbridge and he starts taking off the old recorder letting on to cry this poor hard working man how many children 10 did you say yes your worship and my wife has a typhoid and the wife with typhoid fever scandalous leave the court immediately sir no sir I'll make no order for payment how dare you sir come up before me and ask me to make an order a poor hard working industrious man I dismiss the case end of section 25 section 26 of Ulysses this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Ulysses by James Joyce part 2 the Odyssey episode 12 Cyclops part 4 and whereas on the 16th day of the month the oxide goddess in the third week after the feast day of the holy and undivided trinity the daughter of the skies the virgin moon being then in her first quarter it came to pass that those learned judges repaired them to the halls of law there master Courtney sitting in his own chamber gave his reed and master Justice Andrews sitting without a jury in the probate court weighed well and pondered the claim of the first chargeant upon the property in the matter of the well propounded and final testamentary disposition in resurreal and personal state of the late lamented Jacob Halliday, vintner deceased versus living stone an infant of unsound mind and another and to the solemn court of green street there came Sir Frederick the falconer and he sat him there about the hour of five o'clock to administer the law of the Brehans at the commission for all that and those parts to be hidden in and for the county of the city of Dublin and there sat with him the high St. Hedrim of the twelve tribes of ire for every tribe one man of the tribe of Patrick and of the tribe of Hugh and of the tribe of Owen and of the tribe of Khan and of the tribe of Oscar and of the tribe of Fergus of Dermott and of the tribe of Cormac and of the tribe of Kevin and of the tribe of Quiltu and of the tribe of Ocean there being in all twelve good men and true and he conjured them by him who died unrued that they should well and truly try and true deliverance make in the issue joined between their sovereign lord the king and the prisoner at the bar to the evidence so help them god and kiss the book and they rose in their seats those twelve of ire and they swore by the name of him who is from everlasting that they would do his right wiseness and straight away the minions of the law led forth from their dungeon keep one whom the sleuth hounds of justice had apprehended in consequence of information received and they shackled him hand and foot and would take of him the bale the main priest but preferred a charge against him for he was a malefactor those are nice things this isn't coming over here to ireland filling the country with bugs so Bloom lets on he heard nothing and he starts talking with Joe telling him he needn't trouble about that little matter till the first but if you would just say a word to Mr Crawford and so Joe swore high and holy and by this and by that he dood the devil in awe because you see says Bloom for an advertisement you must have repetition that's the whole secret rely on me says Joe swindling the peasants and the poor of ireland we want no more strangers in our house oh I'm sure that will be all right Heinz says Bloom it's just that keys you see consider that done says Joe very kind of you says Bloom the strangers says the citizen our own fault we let them come in we brought them in and our paramour brought the Saxon robbers here the Queen Nisi says J.J and Bloom letting on to be awfully deeply interested in nothing a spider's web in the corner behind the barrel and the citizens scowling after him and the old dog at his feet looking up to know who to bite and when a dishonored wife says the citizen that's what's the cause of all our misfortunes and here she is says Alf that was giggling over the police cassette with Terry on the counter in all her war paint give us a squint at her says I and what was it only one of the smutty Yankee pictures Terry borrows off corny killer secrets for enlarging your private parts misconduct of society bell Norman W. Tupper wealthy Chicago contractor finds a pretty but faithless wife in lap of Officer Taylor bell in her bloomers misconducting herself and her fancy man feeling for her tickles and Norman W. Tupper bouncing in with his pea shooter just in time to be late after she's doing the trick at the loop with Officer Taylor oh jakers Jenny says Joe how short your short is there's hair Joe says I get a queer old tail end of corned beef off that one what so anyhow in came John wise Nolan and Lennon with him with a face on him as long as a late breakfast well as is the citizen what's the latest from the scene of action what did those tinkers in the city hall at their caucus meeting decide about the Irish language oh Nolan clad in shining armor made obese since to the pwist and high and mighty chief of all Aaron and did to him to wit of that which had to be fallen how that the grave elders of the most obedient city second of the realm had met them in the Tulsa and there after due prayers to the gods who dwell in either supernal had taken solemn counsel whereby they might if so be it might be bring once more into honor among mortal men the winged speech of the C divided Gale it's on the march says the citizen to hell with the bloody brook sauce nox and their patois so JJ was an award doing to talk about one story was good to the herd and other and blink in fact and the Nelson policy putting your blind eye to telescope and drawing up a bill of attainder to impeach a nation and the bloom trying to back him up moderation and moderation and their colonies and their civilization their civilization you mean to the citizen to hell with them the curse of a good for nothing god light sideways and their bloody thick loved sons of whores gets no music and no art and no literature worthy of the name any civilization they have they stole from us tone tight sons of bastards ghosts the European family says JJ they're not European says the citizen I was in Europe with Kevin Egan of Paris you wouldn't see a trace of them or their language anywhere in Europe except in a cabinet de sauce and says John Wise full many a flower is born to blush on scene and says Lenin that knows a bit of the lingo conspire les anglais profite albion he said and then lifted he in his rude great brawny strengthy hands the meather of dark strong foamy ale and uttering his tribal slogan long dare gabu he drank to the undoing of his foes a race of mighty valorous heroes rulers of the waves who sit on thrones of alabaster silent as the deathless gods what's up with you says I to Lenin you look like a fellow who had lost a bob and found a tanner gold cups is he who won Mr. Lenin says Terry throw away says he a 20 to one a rank outsider and the rest nowhere and bases mayor says Terry still running says he we're all in a cart but then plunged to quit on my tip scepter for himself and a lady friend I had half a crown myself says Terry on Zinfandel that Mr. Flynn gave me Lord Howard De Walden's 20 to one says on him such is life in an outhouse throw away says he takes the biscuit and talking about bunions frailty dynamics scepter so he went over to the biscuit tin bob door and left to see if there was anything he could lift on the nod the old core after him back in his luck with his mangy snout up old mother Hubbard went to the cupboard not there my child says he keep your pecker up says Joe she'd have won the money only for the other dog and JJ and the citizen arguing about law and history with bloom sticking in a nod word some people says bloom can see them out in other's eyes but they can't see the beam in their own Ramesh says the citizen there's no one as blind as the fellow won't see if you know what that means where are our missing 20 millions of Irish should be here today instead of four our lost tribes and our potteries and textiles the finest in the whole world and our wool that was sold in Rome in the town of juvenile and our flax and our damask from the looms of Antrim and our limerick lace our tanneries and our white flint glass down there by ballet bow and our Huguenot pop lane that we have since Jacquard de Leon and our woven silk and our foxford tweeds and ivory raised point from the Carmelite Convent in New Ross nothing like that in the whole wide world where are the Greek merchants that came through the pillars of Hercules the Gibraltar now grabbed by the foe of mankind with gold and Tyrian purple to sell in Wexford at the fair of Carmen freed Tacitus and Ptolemy even Goraldus Cambrinsus wine Peltries Connemara marble silver from Tipperary second to none our far famed horses even today the Irish hobbies with King Philip of Spain offering to pay customs duties for the right to fish in our waters what do the yellow johns of Anglia owe us for our ruined trade and our ruined hearts the bed of the Barrow and Shannon and they won't deepen with millions of acres of marsh and bog to make us all die of consumption as treeless as Portugal will be soon says John Wise or Helligoland with its one tree if something is not done to reforest the land larches, furs, all the trees of the Conifer family are going forest I was reading a report of Lord Castletowns save them says the citizen the giant ash of Galway the elm of Kildare with a 40 foot bow and an acre of foliage save the trees of Ireland for the future men of Ireland on the fair hills of Ere oh Europe has its eyes on you says Lenin the fashionable international world attended en masse this afternoon at the wedding of the Chevalier John Wise de Nolan Grand High Chief Ranger of the Irish National Foresters Conifer of Pine Valley Lady Sylvester Elmshade Mrs. Barbara Loveberch Mrs. Paul Ash Mrs. Holly Hazelize Ms. Daphne Bays Ms. Dorothy Canebrake Mrs. Clyde 12 Trees Mrs. Rowan Green Mrs. Helen Vinegetting Ms. Virginia Creeper Ms. Gladys Beach Ms. Olive Garth Ms. Blanche Maple Mrs. Maude Mahogany Ms. Myra Myrtle Ms. Priscilla Elderflower Ms. B. Hunnysuckle Ms. Grace Poplar Ms. Omimosa San Ms. Rachel Cedarfrond The Mrs. Lillian and Viola Lailac Ms. Timidity Aspinot Ms. Kitty Jewimoss Ms. Mae Hawthorne Ms. Greyanna Palm Ms. Lilliana Forrest Ms. Arabella Blackwood and Ms. Norma Hollyoak of Oak Home Regis graced the ceremony by their presence. The bride who was given away by her father, the Maconifer of the Glans looked exquisitely charming in a creation carried out in green mercerized silk moulded on an underslip of gloaming gray sashed with a yoke of broad emerald and finished with a triple-frozen silk. The scheme being relieved by the brattels and hip insertions of acorn bronze. The maids of honour Ms. Larch Conifer and Ms. Spruce Conifer Sisters of the Bride were very becoming costumes in the same tone. A dainty motif of plume rose being worked into the pleats in a pinstripe and repeated capriciously in the jade-green tote in the form of heron feathers of pale-tinted coral. Sidnor Enrique Fleur presided at the organ with his well-known ability and in addition to the prescribed numbers of the nuptial mass played a new and striking arrangement of woodmen spare that tree at the conclusion of the service. Unleaving the church of St. Fiacre in Horto after the papal blessing the happy pair were subjected to a playful crossfire of hazelnuts, beech masts, bay leaves, catkins of willow, ivy-tod, holly berries, mistletoe sprigs, and quickenshoots. Mr. and Mrs. Wise Conifer Noulan will spend a quiet honeymoon in the black forest. And our eyes are on Europe, says the citizen. We had our trade with Spain before those Mongols were popped Spanish ale in Galway the wine bark on the wine-dark waterway. And will again, says Joe. And with the help of Holy Mother God we will again, says the citizen, clapping his tie. Our harbours that are empty will be full again. Queenstown, Kinsale, Galway, Blacksod Bay, Venturi in the Kingdom of Kerry, Kilbex, the third largest harbour of the Galway lynches, and the Cavanaurelis, and the Okenedes of Dublin, when the Earl of Desmond could make a treaty with the Emperor Charles V himself. And will again, says he, when the first Irish battleship is seen breasting the waves with our own flag to the fore, none of your Henry Tudor's harps know the oldest flag afloat, the flag of the province of Desmond and Thamond, three crowns on a blue field, the three sons of Macias. And he took the last we go to the point, to my all wind and piss like a tankard cat. Cows in Connacht have long horns, as much as his bloody life is worth to go down in it, address this tall talk to the assembled multitude in Shenagolden, where he daren't show his nose with the Molly McGuire's looking for him to let daylight through him for grabbing the holden of an evicted tenet. Here, here to that, says John Wise, what will you have? An Imperial Yeoman Reese's linen to celebrate the occasion. Half one Terry, says John Wise, and a hand's up. Terry, are you asleep? Yes, sir, says Terry, small whiskey in a bottle of Alsop, right sir. Hanging over the bloody paper with Alf looking for spicy bits instead of attending to the general public. Picture of a buttingmatch, trying to crack their bloody skulls, one chap going for the other with his head down like a bullet a gate, like a beast burned in Omaha, Georgia. A lot of dead wood dicks in slouch hats, and they firing at a Sambo strung up at a tree with his tongue out and a bonfire under him. Gob, they ought to drown him in the sea and after an electrocute and crucify him to make sure their job. But what about the fighting navy, says Ned, that keeps our foes at bay? I'll tell you what about it, says the citizen. Hell upon earth it is. Read the revelations that's going on in the papers about flogging on the training ships at Portsmouth. The fellow writes that calls himself disgusted one, and he starts telling us about corporal punishment and about the crew of tires and officers and rear admirals drawn up in cock-tats and a parson with his Protestant Bible to witness punishment and the young lad brought out howling for his ma and they tie him down on the butted end of a gun. A rump and dozen citizen was what that old ruffian Sir John Beresford called it, but the modern God's Englishman calls it caning on the breach. And says John Wise, to his accustomed more honoured in the breach than in the observance. Then he was telling us the master at arms comes along with a long cane and he draws out and he flugs the bloody backside off of the poor lad till he has meal and murder. That's your glorious British Navy citizen that bosses the earth? The fellows that never will be slaves with the only hereditary chamber on the face of God's earth and their land in the hands of a dozen game hugs and cotton ball barons. That's the great empire they boast about of drudges and whipped serfs. On which the sun never rises, says Joe. And the tragedy of it is, says the citizen, they believe it. The unfortunate Yahoos believe it. They believe in Rod, the scourger almighty, creator of hell upon earth, and in Jackie Tower, the son of a gun who was conceived of unholy boast, born in the fighting Navy, and suffered under rump and dozen, was scarified, flayed and curried, yield like bloody hell. The third day he arose again from the bed, steered into heaven, sit on his beam-end, till further orders, whence he shall come to drudge for a living and be paid. But, says Bloom, isn't discipline the same everywhere? I mean, wouldn't it be the same here if you put force against force? Didn't I tell you, as true as I'm drinking this porter, if he was at his last gasp he'd try to down face you that dying is living. We'll put force against force, said the citizen. We have our greater Ireland beyond the sea. They were driven out of house and home in the black forty-seven, their mud cabins and their sheathings by the roadside were laid low by the battering ram, and the times rubbed its hands and told the white-livered Saxons there would soon be as few Irish and Ireland as redskins in America. Even the Grand Turk sent us his gastris, but the Saxonok tried to starve the nation at home while the land was full of crops that the British hyenas bought and sold in Rio de Janeiro. Aye, they drove out the peasants in hordes. Twenty-thousand of them died in the coffin-chips, but those that came to the land of the free remember the land of bondage. And they will come again, and with a vengeance, no cravings, the sons of Granuael, the champions of Kathleen Nolan. Perfectly true, says Bloom, but my point was, we are a long time waiting for that day, citizens, isn't it? Since the poor old woman told us that the French were on the sea in Landel Kilala. Aye, says John Wise. Wait for it for the royal stewards that reneged us against the williamites, and they betrayed us. Remember Limerick and the broken treaty stone. We gave our best blood to France and Spain in wild geese. Fontenoye and Sarsfield in old Donald. The Duke of Tituin in Spain and Ulysses Brown of Camus that was Field Marshal to Maria Theresa. But what did we ever get for it? The French, says the citizen, set of dancing masters. Do you know what it is? They were never worth a roast at Far to Ireland. Aren't they trying to make an endant cordial now at Tepe's dinner party with perfidious Albion? Firebrands of Europe, and they almost were. Conspoilé français, says Lenin, knobbling his beer. And as for the Prussians and the Hanovrians, says Joe, haven't we had enough of those sausage-eaten bastards on the throne from George the Elector down to the German Lad and a flatulent old bitch that's dead. Jeez, I had to laugh at the way he came out with that about the Albion and the Winkers on her, blind drunk in her royal palace every night of God, old Vic, with her drawer room of mountain Jew and her coachman cartin' her up body and bones to roll her into bed and she pulled them by the whiskers and all bits of songs about airin' on the Rhine and come where the booze is cheaper. Well, this is JJ, we have Edward the Peacemaker now. Tell that to a fool, says the citizen. There's a bloody sight more pox than packs about that bio, Edward Guelph Wetton. And what do you think, says Joe, the holy boys, the priests and the bishops of Ireland doin' up his room in the noose in his satanic Majesty's racing colours and stickin' up pictures of all the horses in his jockeys' road. The Earl of Dublin no less. They ought to have stuck up all the women he rode himself, says little Alph and says JJ, considerations of space influenced their lordship's decision. Will you try another citizen, says Joe? Yes, sir, says he, I will. You, says Joe, beholden to you, Joe, says I, may your shadow never grow less. Repeat that dose, says Joe. Bloom was talkin' and talkin' with John Wise, and he quite excited, which has done duckety, mud-coloured mug on him and his old plum eyes rollin' about. Persecution, says he, all the history of the world is full of it. Repetuate national hatred among nations. But do you know what a nation means, says John Wise? Yes, says Bloom. What is it, says John Wise? A nation, says Bloom. A nation is the same people living in the same place. By God, then, says Ned, laughin'. If that's so, I'm a nation, for I'm livin' in the same place for the past five years. So, of course, everyone had to laugh at Bloom, and to see trying to muck out of it, or also livin' in different places. That covers my case, says Joe. What is your nation, if I may ask, says the citizen. Ireland, says Bloom, I was born here, Ireland. The citizen said nothin', only cleared to spit out of his gullet, he spat a red bank oyster out of him right in the corner. After you hit the bush, Joe, says he, takin' out his handkerchief to swab himself dry. Here you are, citizens, says Joe. Take that in your right hand and repeat after me the following words. The much-treasured and intricately embroidered ancient Irish facecloth attributed to Solomon of Droma and menace Tomautuck Oog McDonough, authors of the book of Bellymote, was then carefully produced and called forth prolonged admiration. No need to dwell on the legendary beauty of the corner pieces, the acme of art wherein one can distinctly discern each of the four evangelists in turn presenting to each of the four masters his evangelical symbol, a bog oak scepter, a North American puma, a far nobler king of beasts than the British article of Beat, Set and Passing, a Kerry calf, and a golden eagle from Carinthol. The scenes depicted on the emulchery field showing our ancient duns and rats and cromlex and green-ons and seats of learning and melodictive stones are as wonderfully beautiful and depigments as delicate as when the sligo illuminators gave free reign to their artistic fantasy long, long ago in a time of the barmasides, Glendaloch, the lovely lakes of Calarney, the ruins of Clon McNoise, Kong Abbey, Glenina, and the 12 Pins, Ireland's Eye, the Green Hills of Tallah, Croc Patrick, the brewery of Messrs Arthur Guinness, Sun and Company Limited, Lochnaise Banks, the Vale of a Volca, East Olds Tower, the Mappus Obelisk, Sir Patrick Dunn's Hospital, Cape Clear, the Glenivar Hallow, Lynch's Castle, the Scotch House, the Rathdown Union Workhouse at Loughlands Town, Tullamore Jail, Castle Collow Rapids, Kill Valley McShunekill, the Cross at Monaster Boyce, Jury's Hotel, St. Patrick's Purgatory, the Salmon Leap, Manoose College Refectory, Curley's Hall, the three birthplaces of the First Duke of Wellington, the Rock of Casual, the Bog of Allen, the Henry Street Warehouse, Fingal's Cave, all these moving scenes are still there for us today, rendered more beautifully still by the waters of sorrow which have passed over them and by the rich incrustations of time. End of section 26. Section 27 of Ulysses. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Ulysses by James Joyce. Part 2 The Odyssey. Episode 12, Cyclops. Part 5. Show us over the drinks his eye, which is which. That's mine, says Joe, as the devil said to the dead policemen. And I belong to a race too, says Bloom, that is hated and persecuted. Also now, at this very moment, this very instant, God be near burnt his fingers with the butt of a soul cigar. Robbed says he, plundered, insulted, persecuted, taking what belongs to us by right. At this very moment, says he, putting up his fist, sold by auction in Morocco like slaves or cattle. Are you talking about the new Jerusalem, says the citizen? I'm talking about injustice, says Bloom. Right, says John Wise. Stand up to it then, with force like men. That's an almanac picture for you. Mark for a soft-nosed bullet. Old, glassy face standing up to the business end of a gun. God be to door in a sweeping brush, so he would. If only he had a nurse's apron on him. And then he collapses all of a sudden, twisting around all the opposite, as limp as a wet rag. But it's no use, says he. Force, hatred, history, all that. That's not life for men and women, insult and hatred. And everybody knows it's the very opposite of that, that is really life. What, says Elf? Love, says Bloom. I mean the opposite of hatred. I must go now, says he to John Wise. Just around to the quarter moment to see if Martin is there. If he comes, just say I'll be back in a second. Just a moment. Who's hindering you? And now if he pops, like greased lightning. A new apostle to the Gentiles, says the citizen. Universal love. Well, says John Wise. Isn't that what we're told? Love your neighbor. That chap, says the citizen. Beggar my neighbor is his model. Love my, he's a nice pattern of a Romeo and Juliet. Love loves to love love. Nurse loves the new chemist. Constable 14a loves Mary Kelly. Gertie McDowell loves the boy that has the bicycle. M.B. loves a fair gentleman. Lee Chee Han, lovely up kissy chap, who chow. Jumbo the Elephant loves Alice the Elephant. Old Mr. Shoeil with the ear trumpet. Loves old Mrs. with the turned in eye. The man in the brown Macintosh loves a lady who is dead. His Majesty the King loves Her Majesty the Queen. Mrs. Norman W. Tupper loves Officer Taylor. You love a certain person. And this person loves that other person because everybody loves somebody but God loves everybody. Well, Joe's his eye. A very good health and song. More power citizen. Hooray there, says Joe. The blessing of God and Mary and Patrick on you says the citizen. And he ups with his pint to wet his whistle. We know those counters to see preaching and picking your pocket. What about sanctimonious Cromwell and his iron sides that put the women and the children of Drogheta to the sword with the Bible text God is Love the Bible. Did you read that skit in the United Irishman today about that Zulu chief that's visiting England? What's that, says Joe? So the citizen takes up one of his paraphernalia papers and he starts reading out. A delegation of the chief cotton magnets of Manchester was presented yesterday to His Majesty the Alakai of Abiyakuta by Goldstick in Waiting. Lord Wallop of Walk Up on Eggs. To tender to His Majesty the heartfelt thanks of British traders for the facilities afforded them in his dominions. The delegation partook of luncheon at the conclusion of which the dusky potentate in the course of a happy speech freely translated by the British chaplain the Reverend Ananias Praise God Bearbones tendered his best thanks to Massa Walk Up and emphasised the cordial relations existing between Abiyakuta and the British Empire stating that he treasured as one of his dearest possessions and illuminated Bible the volume of the word of God and the secret of England's greatness graciously presented to him by the white chief woman the Great Squaw Victoria with a personal dedication from the August Hand of the Royal Donor The Alakai then drank a loving cup of first shot Ishgaba to the toast black and white from the skull of his immediate predecessor in the dynasty Kaka Chaka Chak a sir named Forty Warts after which he visited the chief factory of Cottonopolis and signed his mark in the visitor's book subsequently executing a charming old Abiyakuta Wardance in the course of which he swallowed several knives and forks and made hilarious applause from the girl hands Widow Woman says Ned What did he put that Bible to the same use as I would? Same only more so and thereafter in that fruitful land the broadleaved mango flourished exceedingly Is that by Griffith? No it's not signed it's only initialed P and a very good initial too says Joe That's how it's worked trade follows the flag Well says JJ If there are any worse than those Belgians in the Congo Free State they must be bad Did you read that report by the man What's this his name is? Casement says the citizen He's an Irishman Yes that's the man says JJ raping the women and the girls and flogging the natives on the belly to squeeze all the red rubber that can out of them I know where he's gone cracking his fingers Who says I? What house is a blind? He had a few bob and throw away and he's gone together in the shekels Is it that white eyed caffir says the citizen that never backed a horse in anger in his life That's where he's gone I met Bentham Lyons going to back that horse only I put him off it and he told me Bloom gave him the tip Bet you what you like he has a hundred shillings to five on He's the only man in Dublin has it a dark horse He's a bloody dark horse himself Mine Joe says I show us the entrance out There you are says Terry Goodbye Ireland I'm going to go out So I went round the back of the yard to pump ship and begub a hundred shillings to five while I was letting off my throw away twenty two letting off my load gobs his eye to myself I knew he was uneasy and his two points off of Joe and one in slattery is off in his mind to get the mark to a hundred shillings five quid and when they were in the dark horse Pisserbrook was telling me card party and letting on the child was sick gobb must have done about a gallon flabby hours of her wife speaking down the tube she's better or she's now all a plan so he could remove with the pool if he won or Jesus full up it was trading without a license ow Ireland my nation says he hike stook never be up to those bloody there's a little bit of it Jerusalem ah cuckoos so anyway when I got back they are at a ding dong John wise saying it was bloom gave the ideas for Sinn Fein to Griffith to put in his paper all kinds of gerrymandering packed juries and swindling the taxes off of the government and appointing consoles all over the world to walk about selling Irish industries robbing Peter to pay Paul gobb that puts the bloody kibosh on it if all sloppy is mucking up the show give us a bloody chance God save Ireland from the likes of that bloody mouse about Mr. Bloom and his Argal Bargol and his old fellow before him perpetuating frauds old Methuselum bloom the robbing bagman that poisoned himself with the plastic acid after he swapped the country with his baubles and his penny diamonds loans by post on easy terms any amount of money advanced on note of hand distance no object no security got a piece like Lanty McHale's goat that'd go a piece of the road with everyone well it's a fact says John wise and there's the man now that'll tell you about it Martin Cunningham sure enough the castle car drove up with Martin on it and Jack with him and a fellow named Croft or Crofton pensioner out of the collective generals an Orangeman Blackburn does have on the registration and he's drawing his pay or Crofford gallivanting around the country at the King's expense our travellers reached the rustic customary and lighted from their palfries whole Varlet cried he who by his mean seemed the leader of the party saw Sineve to us saw saying he knocked loudly with his sword held upon the open lattice my host came forth at the summons girding him his tabard give you good then my masters said he with an obsequious bow bestowed thyself Sarah cried he who had knocked look to our steeds and for ourselves give us your best for if we need it like a day good masters said the host my poor house has but a bear larder I know not what to offer your lordships what now fellow cried the second of the party a man of pleasant countenance so service thou the King's messengers master Tapton an instantaneous change overspread the landlord's visage cry you mercy gentlemen he said humbly and you be the King's messengers God shield his majesty you shall not want for odd the King's friends God bless his majesty shall not go afasting in my house I warrant me then about cried the traveller who had not spoken a lusty trencherman by his aspect give us my host bowed again as he made answer what say you good masters to a squab pigeon pasty some collops of venison a saddle of veal widgen with chris pogs bacon a boar's head with pistachios a basin of jolly custard a medler tensy and a flaggin of old renish God zooks cried the last speaker that likes me well pistachios I am the ally of the pleasant countenance a poor house and a bare larder crota tis a merry rogue so in comes the martin asking where was bloom where is he, says linen, defrauding widows and orphans isn't that a fact, says John Wise what I was telling the citizen about bloom and the shin-fane that's so, says martin, or so they allege who made those allegations, says Elf I, says Joe, I am the alligator and after all, says John Wise why can't a Jew love his country like the next fellow why not, says JJ when he's quite sure which country it is is he a Jew or a Gentile or a Holy Roman or a Swadgler or what the hell is he, says Ned or who is he no offence crafting who is Junius, says JJ we don't want him says Crofter, the Orangeman or Presbyterian he's a perverted Jew, says Martin from a place in Hungary and it was he who drew up all the plans according to the Hungarian system we know that in the castle isn't he a cousin of Bloom the Dentist, says Jack Power not at all, says Martin only in him, says his name was Virag the father's name that poisoned himself he changed it by Deedpole the father did that's the new Messiah for Ireland, says the citizen Ireland of saints and sages well, they're still waiting for their redeemer says Martin, for that matter so are we yes, says JJ and every male that's born they think it may be their Messiah and every Jew is in a tall state of excitement I believe, till he knows if he's a father or a mother expecting every moment will be his next says Llan oh my God, says Ned, you should have seen Bloom before that son of his that Deed was born I met him one day in the South City Market buying a tin of Neve's food six weeks before the wife was delivered unvaunterous Samir says JJ do you call that a man, says the citizen I wonder did he ever put it out of sight says Joe well, there were two children born anyhow says Jack Power and who does he suspect, says the citizen Cobb, there's many a true word spoken in jest one of those mixed middlings he is lining up in a hotel pister was telling me once a month with a headache like a totty with our courses do you know what I'm telling you it'll be an act of God to take a hold of a fellow to like of that and throw him in the bloody sea justifiable homicide so it would then sloping off with his five quid without putting up a pint of stuff like a man give us your blessing not as much as would blind your eye charity to the neighbor, says Martin but where is he, we can't wait a wolf in sheep's clothing says the citizen that's what he is, Virag from Hungary has you here, as I call him cursed by God have you time for a brief libation Martin says Ned only once is Martin we must be quick JJNS you Jack, Crofton three half ones Terry St. Patrick would want to land again in Bally kinder and convert us, says the citizen after allowing things like that to contaminate our shores well, says Martin rapping for his glass God bless all here is my prayer amen, says the citizen and I'm sure he will, says Joe and at the sound of the scaring bell headed by a crucifer with acolytes thoroughfers boat-bearers, readers ostearii deacons and sub-deacons the blessed company drew nigh of metered abbots and priors and guardians and monks and friars the monks of Benedict of Spoleto Cartusians and Camondalesi Cistercians and Olivetans Oratorians and Valembrosians and the Friars of Augustine Brigitines Pramonstratentions Servi Trinitarians and the Children of Peter Nolasco and therewith from Carmel Mount the Children of Elijah Prophet led by Albert Bishop and by Teresa of Avila Calst and other and Friars, Brown and Gray Sons of poor Francis Capuchins Cordilliers Minemies and observance and the Daughters of Clara and the Sons of Dominic the Friars' Preachers and the Sons of Vincent and the Monks of St. Wollstone and Ignatius' Children and the confraternity of all the Christian brothers led by the Reverend Brother Edmund Ignatius Rice and after came all the Saints and Martyrs Virgins and Confessors Saint Sir and Saint Isidore Arator and Saint James the Less and Saint Focus of Synope and Saint Julian Hospitator and Saint Felix the Cantelice and Saint Simon Stylites and Saint Steven Proto-Martyr and Saint John of God and Saint Ferio and Saint Theodotus and Saint Vulmar and Saint Richard and Saint Vincent de Paul and Saint Martin of Todi and Saint Martin of Thurs and Saint Alfrid and Saint Joseph and Saint Denis and Saint Cornelius and Saint Leopold and Saint Bernard and Saint Terrance and Saint Edward and Saint Oencaniculus and Saint Anonymous and Saint Eponymous and Saint Pseudonymous and Saint Paronymus, and Saint Synonymus, and Saint Lawrence O'Toole, and Saint James of Dingo, and Compostella, and Saint Cullum Keele, and Saint Columba, and Saint Celestine, and Saint Coleman, and Saint Kevin, and Saint Brendan, and Saint Frigidian, and Saint Sinan, and Saint Fochter, and Saint Cullum Bannis, and Saint Gal, and Saint Firzy, and Saint Fintan, and Saint Fiercrap, and Saint John Nepomuk, and Saint Thomas Aquinas, and Saint Ives of Brittany, and Saint Mykon, and Saint Herman Joseph, and the three patrons of Holy Youth, Saint Aloysus Gonzaga, Saint Stanislaus Kostka, and Saint John Birchmans, and the saints Gervasius, Servasius, and Bonifaceus, and Saint Bride, and Saint Kiernan, and Saint Canis of Kilkenny, and Saint Jarlis of Tum, and Saint Finbar, and Saint Pappin of Bellymon, and Brother Aloysius, Pacifus, and Brother Louis Bellicosis, and the saints Rose of Lima, and of Viterbo, and Saint Martha of Bethany, and Saint Mary of Egypt, and Saint Lucy, and Saint Bridget, and Saint Attracta, and Saint Dimtena, and Saint Eta, and Saint Marion Kalpinus, and the Blessed Sister Teresa of the Child Jesus, and Saint Barbara, and Saint Scholastica, and Saint Ursula, with eleven thousand virgins, and all came with Nimbi, and Arioles, and Gloriae, bearing palms, and harps, and swords, and olive crowns, in robes were unwoven the blessed symbols of their efficiencies. Ink horns, arrows, loaves, crosses, fetters, axes, trees, bridges, babes in a bathtub, shells, wallets, shears, keys, dragons, lilies, buckshot, beards, hogs, lamps, bellows, beehives, soup ladles, stars, snakes, anvils, boxes of Vaseline, bells, crutches, forceps, stags, horns, watertight boats, hawks, millstones, eyes on a dish, wax candles, aspergills, unicorns, and as they wended their way by Nelson's pillar, Henry Street, Mary Street, Cable Street, Little Britain Street, chanting the intois in a Phephania Domini, which began at Surge, Illuminaire, and thereafter most sweetly the gradual omnis, which say as De Saba, Veniant, they did diverse wonders such as casting out devils, raising the dead to life, multiplying fishes, healing the hot and the blind, discovering various articles which had been mislaid, interpreting and fulfilling the scriptures, blessing and prophesying, and last, beneath a canopy of cloths of gold, came the reverent Father Oflin, attended by Malachy and Patrick, and when the good Fathers had reached the appointed place, the house of Bernard Kearney and Co. limited eight, nine, and ten, Little Britain Street, wholesale grocers, wine and brandy shippers, licensed for the sale of beer, wine and spirits for consumption on the premises. The celebrant blessed the house and sensed the mullioned windows and the goins and the vaults and the aruses and the capitals and the pediments and the cornices and the engrailed arches and the spires and the capolas, and sprinkled the lintels thereof with blessed water, and prayed that God might bless that house, as he had blessed the house of Abraham and Isaac and Jacob, and make the angels of his light to inhabit therein. And entering, he blessed the vines and the beverages and the company of all the blessed answered his prayers. Auditorium nostrum in nominee, domini, quifesit coelum et terum, domini's fabiscum, it cum spiritutuo, and he laid his hands upon that he blessed and gave thanks, and he prayed, and they all with him prayed. Sanctissimi nominees tui corporis sanitatum et anime tutelum te actuore percipat perquistum dominum nostrum. And so say all of us, said Jack. Thousand a year lambored, says Crofton or Crawford, writes his Ned, taken up his John Jameson and butter for fish. I was just looking around to see who the happy thought would strike, when be damned, but in he comes again, letting on to be in a hell of a hurry. I was just round at the courthouse, says he, looking for you. I hope I'm not. No, says Martin, we're ready. Courthouse my eye, and your pocket's hanging down with gold and silver. Mean, bloody scut. Stand to drink itself, devil of sweet fear. There's a Jew for you, all for number one. Cutest as a shithouse rat. Hundred to five. Don't tell anyone, says the citizen. Beg your pardon, says he. Come on, boys, says Martin. See, and it was looking blue. Come along now. Don't tell anyone, says the citizen, letting a ball out of him. It's a secret. And the bloody dog woke up and let her growl. Bye, bye, all, says Martin. And he got them out as quick as he could. Jack Power and Crofton or whatever you call them, and him in the middle of them, letting on to be all at sea, and up with them on the bloody jaunton car. Off with you, says Martin to the Jarvie. The milk-white dolphin tossed his mane and, rising in the golden poop, the helsman spread the bellying sail upon the wind, and stood off forward with all sails set. The spinnaker to Lardboard, a many comely nymphs, drew nigh to Starboard and to Lardboard, and clinging to the sides of the noble bark, they linked their shining forms as doth the cunning wheel write when he fashions about the heart of his wheel, the equidistant rays whereof each one is sister to another, and he binds them all with an outer ring, and giveth speed to the feet of men, when as they ride to a hosting, or contend for the smile of lady's fair. Even so did they come and set them, those willing nymphs, the undying sisters, and they laughed, sporting in a circle of their foam, and the bark clave the waves. With Begab, I was just lowering the heel of the pint, when I saw the scissor getting up to waddle to the door, puffing and blowing with the dropsy, and he coarsened a course of crumbly on him, bell, book, and candle in Irish, spittin' and spattin' out of him, and Joan little laughed round him like a leprechaun trying to pacify him. Let me alone, says he, and Begab he got as far as the door, and they holdin' him any balls out of him. Three cheers for Israel! Arrest it down on the parliamentary side of your arms, for Christ's sake, and don't be makin' a public exhibition of yourself. Jesus, there's always some bloody clown or other kickin' up bloody murder about bloody nothin'. Gobb, it had turned a porter sour in your gut, so it would. And all the rag-and-muffins and sluts had a nation round the door, and Martin tellin' the Jarvie to drive ahead, and the citizen ballin', and Alvin Joe had him to wish, and he and his high horse about the Jews, and the loafers calling for his speech, and Jack Power trying to get him to sit down on the car and hold his bloody jaw, and an offer with a patch over his eyes starts singin' if the man in the moon was a Jew, Jew, Jew, and the slut shouts out of her, Hey, mister, your fly is open, mister, and says he, Mendelssohn was a Jew, and Karl Marx and Mercadante and Spinoza, and the Saviour was a Jew, and his father was a Jew, your God. He had no father, says Martin. That'll do now, drive ahead. Who's God, says the citizen. Well, his uncle was a Jew, says he, your God was a Jew. Christ was a Jew like me. Gobb, the citizen made a plunge back into the shop. Boy, Jesus, says he, I'll brain that bloody Jew man for usin' the holy name. Boy, Jesus, I'll crucify him so I will. Give us that biscuit box here. Stop, stop, says Joe. A large and appreciative gathering of friends and acquaintances from the Metropolis and Greater Dublin, assembled in their thousands, to bid farewell to Naguia Sagus Orem Lepoti Virag, late of Messrs Alexander Thoms, printers to his majesty, on the occasion of his departure for the distant climb of Sassarman Budjigulia's Douglas, meadow of murmuring waters. The ceremony, which went off with great acla, was characterised by the most effecting cordiality. An illuminated scroll of ancient Irish venom, the work of Irish artists, was presented to the distinguished phenomenologist on behalf of a large section of the community, and was accompanied by the gift of a silver casket, tastefully executed in the style of ancient Celtic ornament. A work which reflects every credit on the makers, Messrs Jacob August Jacob. The departing guest was the recipient of a hearty ovation, many of those who were present being visibly moved, when the select orchestra of Irish pipes struck up the well-known strains of, come back to Aaron, followed immediately by Rocosi's march. Tower boroughs and bonfires were lighted along the coastline of the Four Seas, on the summits of the Hill of Hosts, Three Rock Mountain, Sugarloaf, Brayhead, The Mountains of Morn, The Galties, The Ox and Donegal and Sperren Peaks, The Nagels and Bogres, The Connemara Hills, The Reeks of McGillicuddy, Sleeve Otty, Sleeve Berna and Sleeve Bloom. Amid cheers that rent the welkin, responded to by answering cheers from a big muster of henchmen on the distant Cambrian and Caledonian hills, the mastodontic pleasure ship slowly moved away, saluted by a final floral tribute from the representatives of the fair sex who were present in large numbers, while as it proceeded down the river, escorted by a flotilla of barges, the flags of the Balast office and custom house were dipped in salute, as were also those of the electrical power station at the pigeon house and pool-bag light. Vissant La Tessara, Kedvis Baratun, Vissant La Tessara, gone but not forgotten. God, the devil wouldn't stop him till he got hold of her bloody teen anyhow, and out with him a little elf hanging on to his elbow and he shouting like a stuck pig as good as any bloody play in the Queen's Royal Theatre. Where is he to lay mordrem? And Ned and JJ paralyzed with the laughing. Bloody wars, says I, I'll be in for the last gospel. But as luck would have it, the Jarvie got the nag's head round the other way and off with him. Hold on, citizens, as Joe, stop. Be God, he drew his hand and made his swipe and let fly. Mercy had got the sun was in his eyes, or he'd have left him for dead. God, he near sent it into the county Longford. The bloody nag took fright, and the old mongrel laughed at the car like bloody hell, and all the populace shouting and laughing, and the old tin box clattering along the street. The catastrophe was terrific and instantaneous in its effect. The observatory of Dunsink registered in all eleven shocks. All of the fifth grade of Mercale's scale. And there is no record extent of a similar seismic disturbance in our island since the earthquake of 1534, the year of the rebellion of Silicon Thomas. The epicenter appears to have been that part of the metropolis, which constitutes the inn's key ward and parish of St. Mike, and covering a surface of 41 acres, two ruins, and one square pole or perch. All the lordly residences in the vicinity of the palace of justice were demolished, and that noble edifice itself, in which at the time of the catastrophe, important legal debates were in progress, is literally a mass of ruins beneath which it is to be feared all the occupants have been buried alive. From the reports of eyewitnesses, it transpires that the seismic waves were accompanied by a violent atmospheric perturbation of cyclonic character. An article of headgear since ascertained to belong to the much respected clerk of the crown and peace, Mr. George Fattrell, and a silk umbrella with gold handle, with the engraved initials crest, coat of arms, and house number of the erudite, and worshipful chairman of quarter sessions, Sir Frederick Falconer, recorder of Dublin, have been discovered by search parties in remote parts of the island. Respectively, the former on the third basaltic ridge of the giant's causeway, the latter embedded to the extent of one foot three inches in the sandy beach of whole open bay, near the old head of Kinsale. Other eyewitnesses deposed that they observed an incandescent object of enormous proportions hurtling through the atmosphere at a terrifying velocity in a trajectory directed south-west by west. Messages of condolence and sympathy are being hourly received from all parts of the different continents, and the sovereign pontiff has been graciously pleased to decree that a special mis-approved defunctus shall be celebrated simultaneously by the ordinaries of each and every cathedral church in all the episcopal diocese, subject to the spiritual authority of the Holy See, in suffrage of the souls of those faithful departed, who have been so unexpectedly called away from our midst. The work of salvage, removal of debris, human remains, etc. has been entrusted to Messers Michael Mead and Son 159 Great Brunswick Street, and Messers T and C Martin 77, 78, 79, and 80 North Wall, assisted by the mened adopters of the Duke of Cornwall's Light Infantry, under the general supervision of H.R.H. Rear Admiral, and right honourable Sir Hercules Hannibal Habeus Corpus Anderson, K.G.K.P.K.T.P.C.K.C.B.M.P.J.P.M.B.D.S.O.S.O.D. M.F.H.M.R.I.A. B.L. Muse Dock P.L.G. F.T.C.D. F.R.U.I. F.R.C.P.I. and F.R.C.S.I. You never saw the like of it in all your barnpuff. Gubb, if he got that lottery ticket on the side of his pole, he'd remember the gold cup he would sew, but the Gubb citizen would have been lagged for assault and battery, and Joe for aiding and abetting. The Jarvis saved his life by furious driving, as sure as God made Moses, what? Oh, Jesus, he did. And he let a volley of oats after him. Did I kill him, says he, or what? And he shouted to the bloody dog, after him, Gary, after him, boy. And the last we saw was the bloody car around in the corner, and oh, sheep's face on it gesticulating, and the bloody mongrel after it was his lug's back, for all he was bloody well worth, to tear him limb from limb. Hundred to five. Jesus, he took the value of it out of him. I promise you. When lo, there came about them all a great brightness, and they beheld the chariot wherein he stood, ascend to heaven, and they beheld him in the chariot, clothed upon in the glory of the brightness, having raiment as of the sun, fair as the moon, and terrible that for all, they durst not look upon him. And there came a voice out of heaven calling, Elijah, Elijah, and he answered with a main cry, Abba, Adonai, and they beheld him, even him, Ben, Bloom, Elijah, and made clouds of angels ascend to the glory of the brightness, at an angle of 45 degrees over Donahue's in Little Green Street like a shot off a shovel. End of section 27.