 Funny ways men show they like you without saying it, okay? So we'll get into that in a moment. However, I want to address the elephant in the room. And that is the reason why men can't like you, the reason why a woman can't like a man, the reason why relationships oftentimes struggle. And that elephant in the room is the walls people are carrying, the armor people are carrying, the assorted ways humans block love, the assorted ways humans block their capacity to like another person. And I'm speaking from personal experience because my demographic is midlife predominantly, which is after baby making years before retirement. So roughly most of the people that come to me are between the ages of 42 and 69. That's not an absolute number. But what's unique about this demographic is that a significant percentage of people in midlife are divorced, roughly anecdotally speaking, 75% of people who are in the dating marketplace over 40 are most likely divorced. Well, why is this so important to address? Because when you unravel the tapestry of a life with someone else, it's important to heal from that past relationship. Now, I'm speaking from personal experience because I actually went through a divorce 20 years ago. It's hard to believe this year is the 20th year that my ex, now ex-wife and I split up. And I will tell you, I was immediately on the dating apps, literally the moment I moved out of the house. In fact, it took two years for our divorce to become final. But throughout that time, I was actively in the dating marketplace. Why was I in the dating marketplace? Because I had a hole inside of me that need to be filled. I need someone to complete me. So I was in that demographic of folks that was rather wounded after their marriage, thinking that all I needed was somebody to love me so I could feel good about myself. Let me repeat that. I needed someone to love me so I could feel good about myself. And I went from person to person to person to person. And I recognized that during that period of time, I had a major chip on my shoulder. However, it was on a subconscious level. You see, cognitively speaking, I thought all I needed was someone else in my life so I could move on from this relationship, this marriage, if you will. And so I went from one person to the next to the next. Have you ever experienced that? Have you ever been with a man who's probably been from one person to the next to the next? Did you find yourself in that same space of going from one person to the next to the next? That could be one or two dates, could be a short-lived experience. You see, for many people, after a significant breakup, they put walls up. And these walls are defense mechanisms to avoid pain. That's right, avoid pain. We put on this armor, we put up these walls because we don't want to hurt again. And our coping mechanisms can be a variety of different things. For me, drugs and alcohol was a primary coping mechanism for me, not only was I going through a divorce, my high-end corporate job decided to lay me off, and then there was the market crash of 2008 where I got financially wiped out. The ground underneath me wasn't solid. I was an absolute train wreck for over a half a dozen years. And then I met a woman who accepted me, but yet still I was a train wreck. And to her credit, she accepted me, she loved me, but I wasn't in a good place to be in a relationship. Why am I bringing this up? Because I think it's really important to address the big gigantic elephant in the room. And if you've watched any of my videos in the past, I continually talk about childhood wounds and adult traumas. Childhood wounds and adult traumas. One of the most significant adult trauma is the ending of a relationship. Now, for most people that go through a divorce, they've probably been married for quite a bit of time. They fell out of love with the person they're with. And so there might be some anger, some attitude, even some hatred, even some disgust for the other person. I'm sure you felt might've felt that way about someone you're in relationship with. And oftentimes our coping mechanism is to put ourselves out there in the dating marketplace. But the problem is, if there's a wallop, if there's armor, if there's any residue from the past, it will affect any future relationship. I know in particular a man who went through a nasty divorce financially, he felt he got raked through over the calls. And it turns out that he had a daughter and a son, roughly let's just say between the ages of 16 and 14 at the time of the divorce. And it turned out his daughter ended up becoming his primary emotional support person. His primary emotional support person. He went on to meet a woman and fall in love with her, but it turns out that his daughter took precedent to this woman. The daughter was his primary emotional support person. That's how he coped with the ending of a relationship. And so the woman he was with, he treated in second place, always in second place. Even though he cared for this woman and he loved this woman, he always put his daughter above her. And eventually he ended the relationship he ended the relationship because he put his daughter ahead. Now the sad part in this story is this devastated this woman. It absolutely emotionally devastated her. She literally was on the brink of a nervous breakdown over the ending of this relationship, even though throughout the entire time she knew she was in second place. And what did she do? She put walls up in her future relationships. She was unable to completely open up because of the hurt she experienced. Why am I bringing this up? I said this earlier. I want you to look deep into your own life. Do you have walls up? Do you have residue? Does it make it, is it hard for you to open up to a new person? I'd be shocked if you said no, because I know from my own personal experience I went through this divorce and I barely began healing, even it's interestingly enough, the first person I've made your relationship after I had with my, excuse me, the first major relationship I had after my divorce was with a therapist. In fact, actually I got constant therapy in this relationship to really peel the onion of a lot of layers of emotional pain I was experiencing, not just in the divorce, but also the losing my money in the market crash, losing my identity professionally, which ended up turning out to be a blessing because now I get to do what I truly love and that is to pontificate on my perceptions on dating, mating or relating. And so I was fortunate. I had a therapist, a built-in therapist. Now it was her choice to choose me. And I think, and by the way, we are still friendly to one another. She's an amazing relationship with a man now that she's been living with for six years. So I'm very happy for her, but I'm telling you, I wasn't in a good place. And so many of you know about the most significant relationship I had. And it ended about six months ago, six, seven months ago. Many of you watched my journey. I shot videos with her. I was deeply in love. I was all in. But I would be lying to you if I didn't say that while she and I did what was known as a conscious uncoupling. And if you haven't read the book by Catherine Woodward Thomas, I highly recommend reading the book, Conscious Uncoupling. There's a link below. The reason why I'm bringing up is I actually opened up one of the chapters today. And I want to read to you the chapter heading because I recognize, and the chapter heading is, break the pattern, heal your heart. I recognize that in my own life, I have walls up. I have walls up. There was deep, like it was the death, not just the death of the relationship, the death of the dream. I thought I was gonna go the distance with this person. And I share this with you because I'm blessed enough. I have a coach I'm processing this with. I recently was processing this with a friend the other night. I was really processing a lot of the emotional pain and what caused me to even doubt my own capacity to be in a relationship. And I would be lying if I didn't say I have some walls up because to be vulnerable, to be so vulnerable with another makes me cry. To be so vulnerable with another human being. And while this is a metaphor that isn't accurate, it feels like the plank was pulled out from underneath me and that's a dramatic exaggeration. And yet on an emotional level, the little kid inside of me, that's what it feels like. I think it's important to heal from our past relationships. I mean, thoroughly and as completely as we can possibly heal. So that we don't take this residue into any future relationship, which makes it difficult for anyone to like you, let alone love you in the future. And I'm just addressing this in this video because I think it's critically important to understand what might be happening in the dating marketplace today, particularly for those of us in midlife. Now, for those of us in midlife, it's interesting. I had a comment come in on my group page the other day. And if you're not familiar, I have a group called Midlife Love Mastery. There's a link below to join the group. This is a group where you can have direct access to me on a regular basis. But we were talking about the challenge of getting a second date, the challenge of wanting a second date with someone and the challenge of getting a second date with someone. Isn't it fascinating? We all believe that this should just be so simple. Just mating should be so ridiculously simple. Well, I want you to think back hundreds if not thousands of years ago, it was simple. When we lived in tribes and there was 150 people, and let's just say there were 50 people of a certain age that were usually the younger demographic that were suitable for one another, half men, half women. That's it, that's all you had to choose from. And it was right in front of you. Now, everybody to choose from is behind a screen, is behind a screen. Isn't it fascinating? Everybody we choose from, most everyone we meet today is behind a screen. We don't know who they are. And so it makes it very challenging to decide whom we should date. In fact, I did a post on Instagram today and I wanna read it with everyone. Some people seek a serious committed relationship and others say they want a serious one but cannot commit for various reasons. Kinda like what I just talked about. For those who seek a serious relationship it takes almost being a detective to pick up on the subtle clues, aka red flags most humans give off in their capacity or willingness to partake in a serious relation. Most people miss these clues because lust, limerence or chemistry was designed to bond us on a cellular level but it doesn't mean they suit us on a relationship level. While this attachment was meant to help us procreate the species, relationships today require a different approach before attraction and romance and that is vetting. Asking a few critical questions before jumping in on the romance bandwagon puts the odds in one's favor when choosing someone aligned with a person's values, visions, lifestyle, emotional maturity and relationship skills. Sadly speaking, most humans are afraid to go deep because there's a lot of jackass advice to discourage interviewing someone and I say bunk, interrogate people is my motto. Who here agrees? And the meme that goes with it, if you wanna see it it says attraction and romance based dating keep individuals in the honeymoon phase which bypasses the vetting stage. By the way, there's a link right here to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. My whole coaching practice is designed to address the vetting, to address the vetting. Vetting mean ask better questions before you go on a date. So if you apply my approach by before you ever go on a date with someone you ask those critically important questions there's basically one thing you need to address on the first date. And that is what I'm about to share with you right now and that is being safe, safe. S-A-F-E, S-A-F-E. This is what I want you to identify before even considering this is after a first date to consider a second date. And what the safe stands for the S is do you have a spark with this person? Do you have a spark? It's not just about attraction, okay? It's do you feel something like, let me just say this you could be with the most beautiful man or woman in the room and feel no spark and you could be with a person that probably isn't your type and you can feel a tremendous amount of spark. If you feel spark, it's worth a second date. The A stands for all right. All right, do you feel comfortable? Do you feel open? Do you feel receptive? Do you feel all right being with this person? That's a great sign. If you're feeling comfortable, if you're feeling open, if you're feeling receptive, hence the word safe you feel safe, if you feel all right, then it's worth maybe considering a second date with a person. The F stands for fun. Are the two of you enjoying yourselves? Are you enjoying yourselves? And the E stands for enthusiasm. Can you say yes to a second date with a bit of enthusiasm? I'm here to say you should feel like you really wanna see this person. Do you feel safe? A spark, all right, fun and enthusiasm. If you're feeling those, then it's probably worth giving this person a chance. However, as I said prior to this, do your vetting a bit of those critically important questions before you go on the date so you can then see if it makes sense to move forward with this person because then, is this making sense? Is this resonating with you? Please let me know. If it is, please hit that like button. Please share this video with your friends, okay? And please post a comment as well if this is resonating with you. All right, now we're gonna talk about Fun Ways Men Show They Like You, okay? Without saying it. It's the reason why I teed it up this whole conversation the way I did is because I think we ambivalently go into the dating practice. So I'm just here to offer humans to be more intentional about the process, be more cognizant, be more aware. Do your due diligence. Dating is a discernment tool to decide if this person is worth actually investing more of your heart, okay? So, Funny Ways Men Show They Like You. The first funny way is sarcastic humor, sarcastic humor. You know, when sarcasm is oftentimes hides pain or fear. And when we like someone, we can oftentimes be in a state of fear. So we can use sarcasm as a way to believe that we are actually connecting at some level with this person. And yet it almost always backfires. And I am so guilty of this folks. I have sometimes in the early stages of communicating with someone, you know, on the dating apps. I have said something sarcastic only for it to land poorly. And it was really, it was actually, I was trying to show that I liked this person, but it backfires on me. I believe this is a way men show, sometimes men show this way of showing that they like you. However, it's a reflection of, you know, their inability to read the room. And I am guilty of this. We think, we humans believe that sarcasm actually is our friendly way of connecting with another human being. And yet it oftentimes backfires. Have you ever experienced that where a guy was sarcastic? Oh my God, this one woman I said, well, you better look like your pictures. I hope you're not fat. Oh my God, I said that before a date and that triggered her big time. I was just being sarcastic. I had no idea it took us down a rabbit hole of how that triggered her own pain. But it was because I liked her. I was trying to demonstrate that I liked her. So that's one of the funny ways men show they like you. Number two, they overshare. When men are nervous, they oftentimes overshare. Now this is tricky because as I said earlier, we're swimming in a sea of a lot of emotional dysfunctionality with men and women, particularly in their traumas from their past relationships. And so sometimes when they're nervous, they overshare about their past relationship and that actually could be a clue that they're not capable of any serious relationship. So in some level, if somebody is oversharing, you have to become that detective. You have to listen very closely to determine is this person truly healed from their past relationship? Like I said before, we are swimming in a sea of dysfunctionality. The biggest dysfunctionality for most humans is that they're still in pain and they haven't healed from their past relationship. And when a person overshares, it might be a sign that they like you, but it might also be a sign that they're not ready for a significant relationship. Number three, being overly romantic. Okay, folks, I'm gonna embarrass myself here for a moment. I remember the first date with that one woman I shared earlier in the video, how the therapist I was in relationship with. I wrote her a poem for our first date. I wrote a poem, it's because I liked her. It was corny. I actually got the idea. Does anyone remember the Bachelorette Trista, the man she married, Ryan was a fireman, but also a poet. And I remembered like after watching that series, that episode 20 years ago, I just started, I had already, I had written poetry before, you know, more like rows are red, violets are blue, your eyes are beautiful, and so are you, kind of thing. I mean, that was cheesy. I just made that up on the fly. But I would write poems like that. And I wrote a poem because I liked someone. I was overly romantic. Now, the rules say men who act that way are very needy. They're very needy, yeah. But you know what, needy guys actually make better boyfriends. They need you. You know, believe it or not, I know it's completely unattractive, but needy guys are better than the avoided guys. You know, they're better than the, see it's, isn't it fascinating women are most attracted to asshole men who treat them like shit and the nice guys who are overly romantic and needy, they reject. And yet those are the men who probably make better boyfriends. And so this just shows you, it just shows you how dysfunctional we humans operate in the dating realm. And last but not least, short text messages. Okay, when I like someone, sometimes I just give short text message. My favorite one is called toy, T-O-Y. And it simply says thinking of you. Oftentimes we don't know what to say in text message. So sometimes it's just one word, one phrase, one sentence because we don't know what to say. Many of us are tongue tied when it comes to our capacity to express to another human being. So when you get those short text messages, it might mean, might mean he just doesn't know what to say. It doesn't mean he doesn't care. It just means he doesn't know what to say. And these are some funny ways men show they like you without saying it. And I'm not suggesting that these are great ways to show it. It just happens to be a few ways men show they like you without saying it. Hey, listen, I hope you found value in this content today. If you did, post a comment below. I'd like to hear your thoughts on what I shared these three particular areas. As always, if you find value in my content, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell as well so you can be notified of new videos. And also, if you'd like to connect with me, there's a link right here to schedule a discovery call with me in the show notes. You can join my group called Midlife Love Mastery. You can follow me on Instagram. You can get the books I recommend. By the way, don't forget to get my book What the Heck Is Self Love? Anyway, A Journey of Personal Development, Self Health and Spiritual Work, a link below. And also to get my dating vows listed below as well. All right, those who know my format know if you're on live right now and you wanna ask a question, there's a little chat box over there. Write the word question, then post the question thereafter. Or you can purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat. All the monies from the Super Sticker Super Chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. That's a picture of him with his brother, Colin. He's my son who passed away over five years ago and his honor, we donate to causes like the Hoffman Process Insight Institute and scholarships on private coaching as well. So hit that little dollar sign. Our goal tonight is $50 so we'd really appreciate some love today. It really means a lot to me when you demonstrate your love by donating to my son's scholarship fund. Okay, we're looking for messages or comments. Excuse me, questions. Sarah just wrote in a question. Jonathan, why would a man be distant, almost ignore me and not in contact after first showing lots of attention and affection? That's a great question. So, well, there's more context I need but let me tell you a couple of scenarios I've observed happen frequently. First off, whenever you're dealing with distance dating, distance dating is anything really over 30 miles that can be up to 300 or 3000 miles. What oftentimes happens is people communicate via text messaging or telephone calls and they spend an inordinate amount of time or incessant communication, incessant communication and then at some point they meet and after the meeting, sometimes the bubble gets bursted meaning it wasn't what you thought it was gonna be like for them or for you and then you see the communication drop dramatically. This is where I'm not a big proponent of incessant communication. I want you to all follow my rule called three, two, one, three, three, two, one, three, okay. No more than three text messages, email exchanges before you get to one or two telephone calls and after one or two telephone calls you get to one date and this all happens within a three week period of time, three week period of time, okay? That's the longest. If you can't physically meet someone within three weeks they are on the back burner for communication. This is the last person you're communicating with. You can have some sparse communication here or there. Many of you know I was in a significant relationship with someone long distance. We actually, before we physically met we actually met online a year earlier and I said look I'll meet you when you come into town or whenever I come into town to you but we communicate and we only communicated six or seven times in the course of one year. We didn't get caught up in that incessant communication. And while the relationship didn't go the distance it was a significant relationship in my life. Okay, that's one scenario. The other scenario is you meet someone in real life and there's a lot of communication before physical intimacy. Ladies, you've heard the phrase men are on the hunt. Men are on the hunt. What do you think we're hunting? Jonathan, they're hunting a relationship, they're running. They must be hunting a relationship because that's what they must be hunting. They're hunting a relationship. No ladies, men are hunting sex. And you've heard how men love the chase. Well, of course, when we're on the chase to have sex we'll jump through, we'll swim through shark infested waters, we'll wrestle alligators. And then what happens after sex is something called post nut clarity. Post nut clarity. Someone write that down. If someone writes that down I want you to Google this. There are threads talking about post nut clarity. The post nut clarity basically means is the minute a man shoots his wad, he busts a nut, is the nut part, that's when his logic comes in. Does he really like this person? See when we're amped up on oxytocin, dopamine, testosterone, estrogen, serotonin, this chemical cocktail, the minute we physically have intimate someone we men, we then have clarity on whether or not we like them. You ladies get attached through oxytocin. We don't. So it's one of the reasons why a man might be incessant communication drop off after sex because he's not that into you or he met you for the first time and he still wasn't that into you. But the bottom line is he's not that into you. That's the bottom line. So Sarah, thank you so much for that question. Hey, I wanna give beach lovers some props. Thank you for the $10 super sticker. That means we are only $40 away from our goal, big hugs. And then Khaleesa just gave us a $10 super sticker. That means we're $30 away. And it says, I'm seeing a much older man. He wants to see me every single day. He can't get enough of me. Is it too much? I don't want the flame to burn out. Well, trust me, sister, the flame always burns out. The honeymoon phase changes. Now, what that can turn into is a deeper love for someone but honeymoon phase does end, okay? Is it unhealthy to wanna see you every day? Here's my thoughts. The more we see someone, the more we learn about them. The less we see someone, the longer it takes to figure them out. See, as I said before, we have to become detectives. So you have to be asking those critically important question. By the way, there's a great book. I want everyone to get this book. Are you the one for me by Barbara DeAngelis knowing who's right and avoiding who's wrong? This book will save your life. If you can't work with me, read this book because he is already giving you all the clues. The clue has nothing to do with the fact he wants to see you. That's a great thing. The person wants to see you. The real clues lie behind, does he have walls up? Like I stated in the beginning of this broadcast. That might block him from deeper intimacy with you. Kalisa, but that's my quick notes on what you just shared. Thank you again for the $10 super sticker. Gigi says, what are your thoughts on recycling past relationships that didn't end badly? The timing wasn't right. You know, here's my thoughts. If the reason, okay, it depends on the reason why the ending. Let's say somebody said I wasn't emotionally ready for a relationship and they went out and sewed their oats with a bunch of other people and now that they're emotionally ready. Are they really ready? Have they really healed their past? What have they done to really heal? See, a lot of people do, you know, bandaid healing. Did they really get into the nitty gritty of their healing? See, that's the tough question. But to me, I wouldn't consider anyone unless they've really healed and then they've demonstrated their healing through actions thereafter. And it's tricky, you know? And because they're coming back because you're familiar, you're safe. And what oftentimes happens is they get right back to an old pattern with you, coming back to a previous relationship. They come back right to an old pattern and then it ends again. By the way, I know so many people that got married once, got divorced, got married again and got divorced again. Okay, if you don't address the core problem in the beginning, even though it might look like they fixed it, it's gonna end at some point in the future. That's why it's very rare. When something ends, it's time to move on. Hopefully you learn from that lesson as well. So great question, I thank you so much for that. Oh, Kalisa wants to mention, but earlier she said, I'm seeing a needy guy R and it's so nice to finally feel desired after a five year relationship with chasing affection. I'm gonna tell you something, folks. I'm a needy guy. I am, when I'm smitten with someone, I'm ridiculously needy, but I think that's a hell of a lot better than being avoidant and at least, listen, I think needy, okay, we might judge neediness as an insecurity. Yeah, I've got issues, folks. By the way, whenever you see my chart on emotional maturity and relationship skills, this is not a fact, it's merely an opinion. I always say there's 20% of the population as clinical issues and I say 20% is emotionally healthy and is good relationship skills. I'm being very generous when I'm talking about this number. Most everybody is dysfunctional. I'm dysfunctional, you dysfunctional. And what I mean is we've got shit, we've got shit. Now, some of our shit is moving towards the healthy category, but most everybody is closer to here in their shit because they aren't doing the necessary work, the healing to move past their stuff. But so I'm needy, I'm gonna own it. It's not very attractive, but for the right person who appreciates it, you know? Now, some of you, I know what some of you are gonna say, well, Jonathan, that must have been the reason why your relationship ended with Marie. Listen, I'm being a little bit exaggerant. It wasn't like I was needy 24 seven. I just had, I had needs to feel safe. I had needs to feel safe, to feel desired, to feel wanted. It's not unhealthy to have needs, okay? It's not unhealthy to have needs. We all have needs and we all have fears in some way, shape or form. It's just my peculiarities didn't end up lining with her peculiarities at the end of the day. And that was really the primary reason why it didn't work out. All right, let's keep going. Trista is in the house. Hey, I was just talking about Trista and Ryan. Asking for a friend, would you go on a second date with a guy you aren't that attracted to and not physically active as you? Great conversation on the phone prior to the first date. So I'm not the most physically active person, okay? I'm just not. But when I'm with someone, I'm probably more active because it inspires me to wanna be more active. So here's where I draw the line. If your friend is a jock chick, she's a jock chick, she needs a jock guy. If she's like, hey, I play pickleball and I do these activities and he's a little bit more of a couch potato, that can always change, okay? Go on a second date with a guy you aren't attracted to. Now, as far as attraction, here's my feeling. I'm looking, if you're grossed out by the person because they have a beer gut the size of Texas and they're missing their front teeth, no disrespect to people are missing their front teeth or have a beer gut the size of Texas, okay? God forbid they look like Quasimodo. Okay, I know that was offensive or anyone I might have offended, I apologize. So long as you're not totally grossed out, there are lots of people that may not be your type that you could fall in love with who they are. That's absolutely possible. But there are times when you see somebody and you go, I just can't imagine myself kissing them. I get it. And if you feel that way, then you shouldn't, you have to feel some level of spark with someone. I talked about this earlier, feeling some level of spark. And let's differentiate between your type and somebody you're grossed out with. There's most everybody is in the middle. You have your type, which you rarely get to go out with your exact type. And then there's people you're completely grossed out with. Most everybody is in the middle. Sometimes you gotta flip a coin when it comes to that, you know? But I have heard that women tend to fall in love between their ears more so with their eyes. But that's not an absolute either. All right, let's keep going. Oh, Sarah responded back. Thank you. We'd never text just met at work, had some huge chemistry for several months but had to keep our interactions a romantic feeling secret, strict no dating rule policy. Well, that was, it would have been nice if you could have shared that. All right. Hey, Stacey wrote down post-nut clarity. Go to Reddit. You can read all about it on Reddit, believe me. All right, Revolve is in the house. Where do I begin betting a man who 15 years younger than myself? He has no children and says he doesn't want children. He's interested in pursuing a serious relationship with me. Where do you begin betting? I guess the question is, okay, what's, okay. I guess my question is, are you 50 and he's 35? Because here's the thing. A lot of younger men are young like older women because a lot of 50 year old women look fucking fantastic. I mean, smoking hot and they love sex at age 50 and they're less likely to make babies. The danger of dating a younger man is he has a built in exit clause up until he's 45 years old or 50 years old. He could say, you know what? I've decided I wanna have children. The fact that he doesn't have children, it's his exit clause. So you're rolling the dice with a guy who doesn't have children. I'm not saying he's gonna use that exit clause, but that's kind of the, that's a big gigantic reason men will go after older women because it's great sex. They love the maturity of the older woman. There's usually a lot less drama with the older woman. And then he has a built in exit clause. So how do you vet for that? Man, hold off having sex for a while. But it depends on what kind of environment you've met him in. Yeah, hold off on having sex for a long while, go on a lot of dates and then see how legit he is. That's one thing you can do. Laurel's in the house. Can you recommend the best online dating sites to use looking for a man ages 50 to 60? Okay, I happen to be a fan of the following. Bumble, Hinge for the apps. I like match.com and millionaire match for the dating sites, even though both of them have apps associated with it, but their site has more curated information associated with them. In other words, there's a bigger, there's a more complex essay that can be written. There's more questions that are addressed. Those are the four that I happen to like. I met a woman, or I interviewed a woman on my channel a few months ago, or a few weeks back, Lindsay Wonderland. And oh shoot, is that her name or is it Kelsey? Shoot, now I forgot her name. I apologize, I interviewed her a few weeks ago. It's the blonde thumbnail. I'm just blanking on the name. And she met her husband on Tinder. Now she happens to be in her 30s. I know Tinder gets the reputation of a hookup site, but every dating site is a hookup site in some way, shape, or form. So, and I've known people that met on, I know a couple that met on eHarmony that got married. I know a couple that met on a website called Stitch. I know our time. They're all spokes on a wheel. Here's the dilemma. Your perfect guy might be on the site you're not thinking about. So that's why why not cover all the bases is kind of my philosophy anyway. But I'd say match.com is probably the number one. Hey, Jenny Smith just gave us a $9.99 super sticker. That means we're only $20 away from our goal of $50 tonight. How do you know when you're no longer in the honeymoon phase? When you could be in the bath on the toilet and see each other. When you can pee in front of one another and you're not closing the door. I think that's the ending of the honeymoon phase. Does the honeymoon phase have to end? Do we have to? So, okay. I'm gonna go down a rabbit hole there with me, okay? I mean, given thought to, why do we believe attraction and romance and chemistry as the indicator of relationship success is because we humans were designed as a species for our primary role was to procreate. That's it. To procreate and stay bonded with one another to protect the tribe, right? So chemistry was designed to bond us. But keep in mind back in the olden days we had so few options to choose from. So once we bonded with someone that was it. There was no divorce. I want you to think of the movie, Dances with Wolves, the tribe, the Indian tribe, there was 150 people in the tribe. There was no divorces. You basically, Kevin Costner met up with the woman who happened to be married to an Indian who was killed at war. You were a widower or widow basically if you were on the marketplace. Okay. So we were bonding chemistry was to bond us. You see the challenge we have today, particularly in midlife is we also have to address childhood wounds, adult traumas, the masks we wear, the walls we put up, all these things. And yet chemistry was designed to bond us. Okay. Hence the honeymoon phase, so to speak. Okay. We humans, and so in midlife, okay, so for those of us in midlife those are us over 50 years old. We were designed to be grandparents at that point. 50-year-olds were designed to be grandparents. Our days of procreating were over. And yet we still, many of us still wanna have regular sex, but we're not procreating anymore. So we're in this interesting cycle of trying to manufacture the honeymoon phase through romance to keep that energy alive. I think if couples are romantic with each other on a regular basis, they can keep that energy alive, but it requires conscious effort because we weren't designed. The honeymoon phase was literally nanoseconds to bond with another person through sex. This is just my observation. You can do your own research on this, but these are my observations on this. So Corny Cobb, thank you so much for that question. Roller Girls says, thank you, Jonathan, for being vulnerable. You're very welcome. I have no problem sharing from my personal experience. So if you have a personal question of me, donate some money and I'd be more than happy to answer it. Captain Photons says, I like the topic tonight. You're very welcome. I think there was a thank you there. Julie says, Jonathan, when a man is hunting for sex, he'll shovel a lot of snow. I love that. Oh, that is so fucking true. We will, we'll shovel a lot of shit too, okay? Let's keep going. One of my Facebook member groups in my group called Midlife Love Mastery, there's a link below. Everyone has issues. Issues that lead to better attachment are better than walls. I think when we can resolve, when we can overcome the issues and the storms, it builds deeper trust with another person. That's certainly better than walls. Walls, excuse me, you're blocked from doing this, okay? Issues create the opportunity for this. Walls, you can't do that. So yes, I agree. Jeannie says, can you be needy and avoidant? You know, I don't know, I'm not an expert enough to answer that question. I'm not an expert enough to, I think you could be needy and so fearful of love that you could block. Yeah, I would say that there's a possibility. Yeah, I think that's possible. Yone says, what if a guy has a girlfriend but is pursuing you and blocking you from dating? Well, he's not blocking you from dating, you're allowing him to block you from dating. I think you should put a strict boundary up. And if you don't put a bound, and now I know why you're not putting a boundary, you love the attention. See, we here in the United States, particularly, we are suckling on the nipple of I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. This is what Instagram is all about. Look at all the likes I get. People like me, people love me, people like me, people love me, I feel so good about myself. Yone, have some self-respect. If someone has a girlfriend is pursuing you, you should be blocking him from your life. He should have no power of blocking you from dating. And if he is, you've gotta block this person big time. Does anyone else agree with me on that one? All right, let's keep going. All right, Ty is in the house. Me and my guy just exchanged numbers off a dating app. It's only been a few days of talking. He's already saying that I'm the one he wants and he loves me. Is that a red flag? It's certainly lust and infatuation. Red flag simply means ask more questions. No, he's hiked up on chemicals right now. Is he emotionally mature? Probably not. Listen though. I thought I was in love with Marie after the third date. You know, I mean, I felt that way, but you know, I think when we're amped up on limerence and lust and everything, the shit that comes out of our mouth, it's like the shoveling snow that was shared before in that comment. Is it a red flag? Yeah, it's a red flag because he doesn't have self-control. You know, he doesn't know you well enough to make those statements and he's being irresponsible by making those statements. But he also, you know, like sometimes you got to roll the dice but roll the dice with your head up high. Roll the dice with non-attachment to the outcome. You can do that. That's what self-love is all about. Non-attachment to the outcome. Okay. All right. Hope that helps. Holy shit. Somebody just missed pick Pickles just gave us a hundred dollar super sticker. Oh my God, we appreciate the love. Wow, thank you. That is beyond generous. We just got some love tonight. Thank you so much for that. That is beyond special. Wow. I think that's the second highest number I've ever received on the channel. So thank you so much. I will be candid with you, someone to give $500 once and I'm so beyond grateful for that. Wow, big hugs. Oh, Pickles says for Connor. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. I appreciate that. Connor, hey. All right, really says Aurea. What are some tough questions to ask to that on a first date? I want a guy that won't run away when he hiccups, when there's a hiccup in a relationship. I think the most important question is what does commitment look like for you and what does commitment mean to you? What does commitment mean? Commitment means I'm all in. What does that look like? We spend three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork building skills, both in our personal, our professional life, intimacy, both physical and emotional, intimacy that leads to either moving in together or getting married. That's what commitment means to me. First, you have to identify what it means to you, okay? I'm gonna tell you something. You ladies oftentimes are fucking clueless as to what you want. I'm sorry to be so crass here, but you are. You act like you know what you want, but you cannot articulate it. I shared this story before. It might offend a few people, I apologize. There was a woman who reached out for coaching to me once and she said, Jonathan, I need your help getting more commitment out of the guy. I said, great, what does commitment look like for you? She said, Jonathan, I just want more commitment out from this guy, how long you've been dating, nine months. Okay, what does commitment look like for you? But Jonathan, I just want more commitment from him. I'm like, great, what does that look like for you? And she yelled it at me and then said, you're not listening to me. I said, no, you're not communicating to me. And she took radical offense to that. I said, what does it look like? See, if you can't articulate what it looks like to you, which a lot of human beings do, they don't know how to articulate what they want, then how can you ever know what commitment is to another guy? This is why I'm a huge proponent of asking this question and then go deeper. But that's the first question, what does commitment look like for you? What does a relationship look like for you? What does it mean to you? And how will you know when you're ready to commit? That's the third question. How do you know when you're ready to commit? And see how they respond. These are great first date questions. Bauer Chee says, stay away from plenty of fish. Yeah, I'm not a fan of plenty of fish. I think it's the bottom of the barrel, but that's just a judgment on my part. So Maureen says, is it healthy to want a friendship with a man if you don't feel ready for something serious and you still are healing? Who pays for the dates? If you are equally contributing to it and there's no hanky-panky, yeah, you can have a friendship with a man. Might help you have that masculine energy, but I think it better to be clean and no hanky-panky and no, such an old phrase, and share the financial costs of spending time together. That to me means it's clean. If it's not that way, you're using another person for your own gain. That's just my opinion on it, okay? Pickles comes back and says, Jonathan, it does end, becomes deeper. Does end and becomes deeper. Thank you. Julie's in the house. Question, hi, Jonathan. I'm curious, what is attractive mentally, emotionally, physically in a woman? Are you asking me that question personally? I think someone who takes care of their physical health through exercise of some sort and healthy eating is one of the first things attractive from a physical perspective. If they take good care of their skin, they don't spend a lot of time in the sun, at least without not wearing sunscreen, that sort of thing, wearing a hat. I think those are all good things to help in the physical component of it. And again, exercise even with weight training. I think emotionally and mentally, I think being stimulated by personal development, self-help, spiritual work, I think wanting to grow past childhood wounds and traumas and having some connection with the divine, whatever that means to you, whether it's a religious vocation or discipline, if you will, or it's spirituality of some sort. I think meditation on a regular basis is part of the equation. If you can regulate your emotions, you're learning, you've learned non-violent communication and active listening skills. I think those are all things that I'm attracted to and I pay attention to in the early stage of dating. So if you were asking me on a personal question, Julie, that's my response to that. Monica says, I've been in the honeymoon phase for four years. It's called Situation Shift for Women Over 50. Many men don't want marriage again, just have fun. You know, so let's address another monkey in the room. Most of you know I'm a humongous advocate for partnership-based relationship, serious relationships. I'm a big advocate for that. But I recognize for most of us, many of us in midlife, is we're dealing with a rather dysfunctional dating marketplace, substantially dysfunctional. I mean, pretty much nine out of 10 people. So if two human beings are absolutely honest with each other, that they're absolutely honest with each other, they're in integrity with each other, I think having a casual relationship, a situation shift, even a friends with benefits is, I don't see anything wrong with it. If both people are integrity with one other, I know a woman who, I think it was last year, she connected with someone that she went to high school with and he wasn't ready for a serious relationship and she was coming off of the ending of a relationship. So they began a physical, sexual relationship with each other. And it's occasional, I guess they get together once a month or something like that. And they're very honest with one another. I don't know if I, I don't judge that as being right or wrong. I think if that is, allows them to feel some connection with another human being and it works for them at this moment in time. And that's certainly, and from what I understand that they have an agreement if anything changes that they speak up about it. I can't argue those relationships. I can't argue situationships or casual relationships if both people are being honest with one another. It's the misrepresentation that bugs the fuck out of me. When you say you want something and your actions say otherwise, that's what bugs the fuck out of me. But if you've been in the honeymoon phase and it's called the situation ship, then, and if you're having fun and happy, who am I here to judge? Okay. Let's keep going here. Question from sunshine. What kind of female are searching for? What kind of female are searching for? What kind of female are searching for? I don't understand the question. Oh, Julie says, Jonathan, I met you curious on your thoughts. Okay, good. I got it, okay? Suzanne says, yes, people who use people suck. Sometimes we unintentionally use people. We don't mean to do it. It just happens, okay? Okay. Sherry wants to know lust and limerence. How are love bombing is intentional? No, love bombing isn't intentional. I love bomb people. When we are amped up on, listen, ladies, you got to get this through your heads, okay? When a man is in the lust phase, it's the limerence phase. He's in the chase phase. He's in the hunt phase. We will, like that woman said, we will shovel all kinds of snow. And it's sometimes called love bombing. I've literally have said to a woman on a second date, I'm in love with you. The chemical cocktail that gets released from your brain into your body is so fucking powerful that the shit that comes out of our mouths, men and women alike, men and women alike are, it's fascinating. I mean, ladies, I can't tell you some of the shit that's come out of my mouth. Now I was more unconscious then. I'm more tempered as a human being right now. I'm more functional than I was dysfunctional. But I can tell you that this is not, I don't think, listen, yes, some love bombing is intentional. That's absolutely true. Some love bombing is absolutely intentional to fuck with you. And yes, I know you've been watching thousands of videos about narcissist and all the brutal things that narcissists do and I know every single one of you has one narcissist in your life, although statistically that's impossible. But because humans are rather self-centric, humans are rather selfish and just because a person is unconscious and selfish, they automatically get labeled a narcissist and we abuse one another. We humans are radically so mean to each other in relationship because you, because, okay, I wrote a book called What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway? The point of this book is to stand in your sovereignty. Stand in your fucking sovereignty. Stand, look, there's another book. Here's a short book. Love yourself like your life depends upon it. Look at the guy who's got a gun pointed at his head. This book is listed below, by the way. Folks, you have to love yourself so much that you can walk away from a dysfunctional relationship like a snap of the fingers. And yet we will endure tremendous emotional and verbal abuse. What does that say about us if we have duct tape on our mouth? Okay? Now, look, I get it. We have childhood wounds and traumas that cause us to, but if you've been watching my channel long enough to know, then let me just say this. If you accept bad behavior, go to a fucking therapist and work through your shit. Work through your shit. Power of Chee says that book cover, laughing my fucking ass off. There you go, okay? But listen, when you can let go of a past relationship and there's no charge, you're getting yourself prepared for a significant relationship in the future. All right, Stephanie, oops, Stephanie says, you're cracking me up about the love bombing. Yeah, well, I have opinions on it because I'm guilty of love bombing. Does that mean I'm a jackass? I'm an asshole? Look it, I've done shit that I'm not proud of. I'm just a human being doing the best I can, okay? And I still stick my foot in my mouth. Oh my God, do you know how many times I stick my foot in my mouth on my YouTube channel? Oh my God, I mean, I can't begin to tell you how many times because I'm a human being that makes mistakes. Let's look past it and work on our own shit. Okay, our last question of the night. Will jealousy chase a guy away, even though the guy really is probably with others but will not admit it or deny it? Anyway, will reacting jealous make him run or will he like it? Yes, it'll make him run and he'll like it. By the way, dysfunctional human beings do dysfunctional shit. Doesn't mean that it's right. It just means that if you're, you gotta get to the root, if you're acting jealous or anyone acts jealous, you've gotta get to the root of the fear that's causing you. Now he's probably giving you good cause to make you jealous. There's most likely the case but you have to stand in your power and say, I don't wanna be in a relationship where I act jealous. But then if you have trust issues, you're just equally contributing to this. So my suggestion is go seek a therapist, do somatic therapy work, go to a trained professional and work through your stuff. That's my invitation for you. Is this sinking in folks? Is this resonating? Please let me know if it is. Post a comment below. I'd like to hear all your thoughts. I do my best to read all the comments in the first 24 hours. As always, if you find value in my videos, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell to be notified of new videos as well. And if you wanna connect with me, check out the links below to schedule a discovery call with me to join my group called Midlife Love Mastery to get my books I recommend. To follow me on Instagram. Folks, I wanna give props to Pickles for that $100 super sticker and all of you beach lover. And I forgot who the other person was that donated tonight. All of you that donated big hugs, many thanks. Power of G. She says, I miss your passionate rants. Did I not rant tonight? I thought I gave a little bit of a rant tonight. Lonnie says, Jonathan, I think you're totally right. Jealousy displays does not help a relationship at all. Angela says, you rock. I appreciate that. Ah, let's see what else. Stephanie, all big hugs, we love you, Jonathan. You know, I got recognized in public last night at one of my favorite restaurants. The woman was, by the way, I posted a picture on my community page, but the woman was on a second date. And I grilled the guy. I grilled him like, okay, what's your intentions with my little sister? And he agreed to buy the book eight dates. He agreed to buy the book eight dates by Drs. John and Julie Gottman. So that was kind of a fun experience. I posted the picture there. Sherry's in the house. She says, you rock, Jonathan. Thank you so much. Billy Holt says, can you do a segment on sexism and feminism? I don't know what I'd say about that. I just think we're all just a bunch of knuckleheads trying to do the best we can. All right, folks, I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do. First off, give myself a big gigantic Jonathan Barrett of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm asking you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear pillow, and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. Everybody, thanks for being on tonight.