 Well, hello and welcome to understand men now. I'm John Finasley of johnfinasley.com And I'm so excited to be doing this live stream you for you today our topic the five simple ways A man can be emotionally attracted to you without your looks without it about being looks Now really quickly if you're brand new to my youtube channel Please hit the subscribe button hit the bell so you can be notified of new videos And if anytime during this video the content resonates with you Please hit that like button so I can be seen in the youtube algorithms Also, my coaching style is what I call heart centered radical honesty It's direct a little tough love and a lot of heart and occasionally I use expletives to enhance the sentence So if an f-bomb or two isn't your cup of tea, I suggest logging off right now Also, like these are merely my perceptions my opinions This is my take on dating mating relating by no means do I suggest that this is the truth You have to decide the truth for yourself My hope is I just open up your consciousness at a way of looking at things in a different way Maybe my warped way. All right, let's talk about those five simple ways What it wait, what's it say again five simple ways to attract him to attract him emotionally without using your looks All right, let's let's be real for a second Looks is a big part of the dating mating and relating process and especially now when we're meeting total strangers these days And the reality is is the vast majority of people who are going out on first dates are with people or strangers And what I mean to say it's not people that you grew up with it's not people you went to school with it's not People you went to work with in other words, you lack a sense of familiarity You lack a sense of safety you lack a sense of even you know Again knowing who they are because they're total strangers So what's the first thing that we experience in the dating process is looks and it has been said that men are Visual creatures, although I will say women are just as visual creatures as men women have their own Criteria when it comes to looks is men do and Yet there's more to a relationship than just looks I think we can all agree with this One of the challenges with midlife dating is that as we age Our childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas start to surface in our lives And it makes a human being have more issues with respects to their personality And so we've now even hyper focused on the importance of looks And certainly when you're in the dating app world, you know Think of how many times you see people you're not attracted to and then pretty soon You've swiped and you've swiped you swiped and there's nobody you're attracted to or and then all of a sudden you're thinking Oh my gosh, you know, there's no one good looking out there for me to date And this is true for men and women alike And yet people are meeting all the time And so I will agree that men as I said earlier are visual creatures because to some degree We need the visualization to get our equipment up to get our some equipment is like this and some equipment is like this But that looks piece is a big part of it And yet also as men age I often say I'm looking for a heart on to go with my heart on Let me repeat that. I'm looking for a heart on to go with my heart on. Okay So I want to lean into because once we get past that initial stage of chemistry And if you're not familiar with my relationship iceberg, I'm going to put this up on the screen And this centers around, you know, above the water line is the little tip of the iceberg, which says chemistry. Okay Here, let me fix that. Okay, and above the water line is attraction But below the water line is Compatibility and you can see the importance of compatibility represents shared values blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity And as you start to check the box as the water line of attraction begins to drop And so when you've checked off all the boxes man or women like you become more and more attracted to a person So and men as we age we need that that connection as well Certainly those men that are seeking partnership relationship Certainly those men that want to go beyond the surface of a relationship They're actually seeking an emotionally connected relationship because quite frankly The kind of the whole point of being in a relationship is to experience intimacy and intimacy The way I was taught was into me. You see in other words You really get to know the richness of another person So I'm going to share with you five simple ways to get to that place And my hope is that by sharing this content you look at men and Hopefully the men are watching this look at women in a different perspective And let me just say what i'm about to share is interchangeable for each gender Okay, so i'm going to put on my trusty glasses and we're going to talk about the five simple ways To attract them emotionally without using your looks All right number one And this is really an important one is your fun to be around you're both fun to be around And I think one of the ways this starts off especially in the early stages of dating is when two people Share a lot of mutual interest in other words There's this sense of like the sense of familiarity when you share mutual interest So for example, I was recently talking to a woman Who's in the personal development realm. She's also in the wellness industry if you will and we and it was great You know like we could talk about the same books that we read and the same authors We like and the same podcast we've listened to and the same youtube videos We watched and because of that that felt rather fun that felt very safe that felt very familiar And so when two people share a lot of the same interest things that they're genuinely passionate with Then it creates that sense of fun because when we actually connect with someone who likes the same things as we like And they get off on the same things we like that feels a sense of fun Now i'm not here to suggest that you can't do things that are fun Whether it's hiking or biking or doing things are fun I'm talking particularly in this case where you share a lot of the same interest. It might be music It might be sports I know a lot of women are into sports and for those men that are interested into sports That's a great way to connect at that fun base level Especially those things that you're passionate about so You're it's you basically you're fun to be with because you share a lot of the same mutual interest You know, it's interesting. I've heard over the years that opposites attract But I think as we get into midlife It's more important to be alignment with each other not to suggest that you have to be Identical to one another but the more aligned you are with each other The safer it feels certainly in the beginning stages And you have something to carry you forward into those later years in your life So you're fun to be with because you share the same interest Okay, number two. This is hugely important. This might be the most important one of all You're on the same page. You're on the same page and what I mean by on the same page When it comes to a relationship, you both are seeking the same thing. This is why I'm such a big proponent for women Hmm Excuse me. I just had take a drink for women to express their standards very early on in the dating process Because your standards set the stage of to see if you're actually compatible with one another And when you are on the same page, it takes the pressure off of the expectation of a relationship Now fascinates me. How many women email me on a regular basis? Jonathan, when should I talk about exclusivity? We've been dating for six months We have regular sex together. When is the time to talk about exclusivity? But I'm like that's that conversation should have happened before the penis ever went inside the vagina Like it amazes me how many women will choose relationships With men without ever discussing what their standards are now I oftentimes share with everybody my standard to give you an example of what I'm talking about So for those who know me know I'm seeking a relationship where we spend three or four days and nights a week together Doing shared activities hobbies mutual interests spending time with family and friends traveling together teamwork building skills both in our personal and professional life Did I mention traveling? intimacy Both emotional and physical intimacy that leads to either getting married or living together. That's my standard So if somebody can't meet that standard for the most part, that's not someone I would explore a relationship with And I set the stage very early on and my invitation for you all is to establish what your standard is Now I've got to tell you as a coach. I talk to so many women who say I know what I want I know what I want. I know what I want. I know what I want. I know what I want. I know what I want Well two things I've learned a you never ask for what you want in the early stages of dating But b you often think about what you want in the clouds And I say this because I've had women go through my my private coaching program say the same thing Jonathan, I had no idea. I didn't know what I want, but I thought I did In fact, if you need help with that check out the link below to a free discovery call to see if working with a Coach is right for you because that's my area of expertise to help you get crystal clear on what you want So you can express your standard early on and I want to encourage you all to say the following works To see if we're on the same page This is what I'm seeking and I invite you to share with me what you're seeking in other words What does commitment look like for you? What does a relationship look like for you? Because not everybody wants a full partnership kind of relationship the way I want In fact, the vast majority of people men and women like these days are quite satisfied with a casual relationship I'm just here to say is this My coaching tends to be more centered for those who seek something more than casual and yet Casual is the predominant relationships today. The problem with casual relationships And I'm going to talk about this a little bit more Is that you can get hooked to a guy and not be on the same page So it's super important that you're on the same page. Okay number three You compliment him you compliment him and in particular you compliment him about something that you respect about him Let me repeat that you compliment him on something you respect about him a couple years back I remember I was on a date with a woman and I she asked me what prompted you to become a dating a relationship coach And and I shared my story and she said wow that is so awesome I really commend you For the bravery of going out and pursuing your passion. I really commend you. It's very attractive that you did that And in that moment the leo and me the you know puffed my chest and I felt very excited and proud Because she actually honored something that's really important to me So she learned about who I was Something that I respect within myself or something she respected Within me and then she complimented me for it and men are thirsty for compliments Believe or not as men as men kind of shun compliments away The reality is is well prior to the pandemic women got complimented all the time. Oh my god such beautiful shoes Oh my god, where'd you get that dress? Oh your hair looks fantastic women probably get 10 or 15 compliments a day And men get about this many compliments in a day Zero compliments. This is why I encourage you to continually Because men need their main stroke as well. I'm a leo so I talk about it in that fashion But men need their they they need their ego stroked a little bit And a great way to do that is with a compliment in something that you respect about him And the example I gave you was if it was me Okay, number four. Oh, this is a great one You ask his advice on something you would that I ask his advice on something A great way to really connect on an emotional level with a man is when you seek his advice And I've shared this before story before but I'm going to share it again Um, I was on a second date with a woman And I actually had I went to go pick her up at her house because we were going someone near where she lived and she invited me into her home and um And as we were walking around she showed me her home beautiful home, by the way She was redoing her kitchen and there were some kitchen tiles There are three different types of kitchen tiles and so you said Jonathan I'd really like to get your opinion. Which one of these tiles do you think fits best for my home? Which one of these tiles fits best for my home? And I was looking at and I really at first I was like well I wanted like I was I had to be really serious about it because I I could tell she was She was genuinely serious about my advice and I wanted to take it seriously I could have been a little bit of a smart ass because I do have a tendency to do that But um, I evaluated it and I gave her my opinion After I left her that evening. I thought to myself. Wow. I really appreciated that she asked my advice and the one thing meant genuinely genuinely Desire is to be wanted in a way and certainly when we are when someone asks for advice that demonstrates a level of respect And I'll never forget Dr. Pat Allen once said that men feel cherished when they're respected and women feel respected when they're cherished So let me come back to the men piece when you ask our advice You're demonstrating a level of respect And we feel a bit cherished in that moment So I encourage you to to ask advice on a regular basis not on an incessant basis But certainly that makes us feel good and I'm sure that makes you feel good as well Like I said before these are interchangeable to men and women And number five number five. What did I say here? Oh, you initiate social activities to spend time together you initiate social activities to spend time together Now why this is so critically important is that I want to share a story of a friend of mine And he began he began dating a woman and by the way, my friend tended to be a little bit more emotionally closed off than most Guys and he dated a woman and one of their activities They did every weekend as they go hiking for three or four hours both saturday and sundays in many cases And during that time they'd be talking to one another They're sharing their week they share their experiences with one another talked about the event themselves And that's a great way to bond with someone social activities hobbies mutual interest This is how men genuinely bond with women. It is through the doing of activities that we bond Versus being on the phone all the time most men I'm gonna tell you something I can remember so many different activities. I've done with partners in my lifetime I can't remember one telephone call. I've ever had with a previous partner. I have no memory whatsoever We don't bond through the telephone. This is why many of you who choose long distance relationships Or relationships in the beginning where you're not meeting each other want right away While some men might treat you as their therapist over a telephone There's plenty of men that seek female energy to be their therapist Men do not bond through the phone. We bond through social activities hobbies mutual interest It is doing things together. So as in the case of my friend while he wasn't a hiker before they met Boy, I mean they were together four years and they hiked every weekend practically And it's a and by the way the only reason why that relationship didn't work out like many Not everybody is suited for one another But certainly he felt very connected and bonded through her with her Through those social activities hobbies and mutual interests. So just to remember these five simple ways For a man to be emotionally connected and bonded with you besides your looks Hey, you're fun to be with because you share many similar interests with one another Number two, you're on the same page. It takes the pressure off of where's this relationship going? Number three, you compliment him on something you respect about him Number four you wait. What was number four? You ask him his advice on some things ask men for advice That allows them to be in their hero mode with you and number five You initiate social activities things that you guys can do together and maybe he's initiate them as well But I certainly invite you to initiate social activities hobbies and mutual interests Then versus spending time on the phone and by the way, those social activities hobbies mutual interests could be Walking together could be hiking together could be playing tennis together Could be pickleball a lot of people in there in the over 50 category are doing pickleball together It could be talking about sports or something. It's just or excuse me going to a sporting event or going to a concert Do things together because that's how we bond with you. Does that sink in? Does that resonate with you? I hope it does. In fact, if it does hit that like button right now to let me know that this has sunk it in All right We're now into the best part. I hope you got value out of that piece now We're going to go into the q&a now. So for those who know me know my q&a works like this You can either purchase a super sticker or super chat Super sticker is super chat is in the oh by the way This is only for those that are actually on the live stream right now If you're listening to the audio recording, uh, you won't be able to see the live chat box And you won't be able to purchase a super sticker super chat But if you do all the monies go to a scholarship fund in the name of my son Connor asley those who know me know my son Connor There's a picture of him right there Passed away a few years ago and I created a scholarship fund to defray the cost of personal development for those who are seeking help In fact, we've collected over $1,700 so far and super stickers and super chats and we just donated a thousand dollars to the Hoffman process This is the letter they sent me thanking me for that So I want to thank you all for those contributions for the super stickers And also if you post the word question and write your question thereafter I can find it easier in the chat box and I'll answer your questions In fact a check a question did come in while we are while earlier and I wanted to share that with everybody now So this is our first question um It says Jonathan can you talk more about casual relationships? Can you talk more about casual relationships? I'm glad this question came up And it centers around something I oops It centers around what I'm noticing quite a bit more Is the proliferation of casual relationships and why this is such an important topic to talk about right now Is because I am witnessing more and more women who seek casual relationships In fact this weekend I met up with a woman who lives in my complex here and we met up at the pool And we're friends. She was my former Pilates instructor And we were just sitting down chatting and she was talking to me about her hinge app and how she was actively You know was dating and that sort of thing and she shared with me something that she's doing these days And I thought that might be some value because it really leans into the conversation of casual relationships And what she said was she recognized that at this moment in her life She's not really capable Emotionally for a full-blown serious relationship. I'm gonna repeat that. She's not capable for a full-blown serious relationship So she's very upfront early on In the dating process with men to say look I'm here seeking a casual relationship with someone now for her what that means is She'd still like monogamy She'd still like exclusivity or you know in other words once she's In a relationship with someone she's not interested in dating multiple people And she's not interested in having sex with multiple men But what she wants is a relationship. That's a little bit more casual without the pressure of constant communication constant validation constantly seeing each other In fact when I was talking sharing this with her it seemed I said, you know what it seems like you desire You desire what I call relationship light relationship light L-i-t-e relationship light And while I'm a big advocate for partnership based dating partner. Well, let me reframe that partnership based relationships and to be more intentional in the dating process I and and by the way, she said well, I am very intentional I'm just seeking something casual and then I said there. Well, it seems like you're like a guy And she goes, yeah, I kind of am like a guy because what I've observed is a lot of men All they're capable of is a casual relationship or something light So what's the benefit of talking about this? Well, the reality is is it's probably 70 75 of men are in the dating realm for those in midlife Which is after baby making years and before retirement There's a good chance all they really desire is that companionship connection and sex without that deeper intimacy without that deeper Desire to commingle your lives together And in many cases that might be a very adequate relationship for many people. In fact, it's probably For women as well as men if we stopped with some of the rhetoric that another again This requires being on the same page. This requires being intentional with one another It's very difficult when a man says I want a casual relationship and a woman says I'm okay with that when she really means she wants a serious relationship Well, then you're not really on the same page When you're on the same page with one another you have a greater chance of connecting with one another and to actually Well, you might not build that long lasting forever type of relationship for a lot of people in midlife They want that companionship. They want that connection. They want that sex Maybe it's okay to just want a casual relationship I think what's most important also and this is the critical piece Is and this is what I shared with her is that you continually check in with one another To make sure you're on the same page because the worst thing that can happen Is one person wants something more and so one person wants something more and the person the other person is where they were at And that space in between is what I call drama drama drama And oftentimes when that is like that that space in between is because the woman wants more and the man's still here And she's creating drama So I'm here to encourage while I'm not a big proponent of casual relationships I think there's a time and place For casual relationships. That's better than a friends with benefits type of relationship Because a friends with benefits type of relationship is oftentimes a last-minute booty call Whereas a casual relationship has all the makings Of the companionship connection and sex without the emotional pressure of where's this relationship going or Commingling your lives together and I believe for many people in midlife They should actually be probably seeking a casual relationship Rather than something serious because they're not capable of going into something serious And this is true for men and women alike now I'm only advocating this for the people Who want who feel deprived of connection that want connection But they're not capable of going anything deeper. So casual relationships I can see my I think the idea of relationship light Might be a benefit for a lot of people and you can continually check in and what might also happen Is you grow and grow together and that casual relationship might not always Turn into something serious something that's long lasting and something where you might go the distance with them Because when you really deeply fall in love with someone you're more apt to go the distance with them Again, what's most important is you're on the same page with one another So I invite you to check that in. Thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it All right Our first question of the day comes from emma question What if you have a physical disability does this limit mutual interests? What if you have a physical disability does that limit mutual interest? Well, it certainly can I would think that if a woman was for example in a wheelchair And she wanted to go out with a jock type who liked hiking who liked boating who liked, you know Bungie jumping and all that kind of stuff probably not a good fit with one another Someone who has a physically active life may not be well suited for someone that has a physical disability now I'm not saying it can't happen And yet it's going to be a little bit more problematic. In fact, I'll be candid with you I saw on a dating app this one woman. I saw her profile and it was just like it was all jock activities And I basically asked her I said, are you seeking an alpha male jock type and she said, yeah I go then I'm not your type because I'm not about to go skiing off of the You know the the five star diamond, you know the black diamond. I'm just I'm kind of not at that point in my life So I said you probably bet even though she reached out to me I said you're probably better suited with a jock and she goes. Yeah, I am So it's also knowing who you are and where you're at in life now coming back to disability Here's the thing. I've worked with women who have had mastectomies. Not that that's a disability, but I and by the way I only mentioned that because They felt so ashamed they she wouldn't they wouldn't be accepted I've worked with many women who have gone through that and they found a mate I've worked with a woman who was in a wheelchair. I worked with a woman who had ms I actually I've worked with several women who have had ms um Ultimately it really boils down to Getting crystal clear on who you are and what you want And then being intentional to attract those types of men in your life So coming back full circle to the question. Can a woman with a disability? You know find a relationship Absolutely, it's possible. Is it going to be harder? Yeah, it's going to be harder The reality is is we are a superficial society at least here in the united states I can't speak for everywhere in the world, but I can certainly speak in the background I live in we absolutely are very superficial so it can be more problematic and yet at the same time You know what there is there is a person out there for every one of us It just requires putting effort to be seen by single eligible people Sadly today It's this medium that we get seen at because we're no longer our lives as we age are out in the physical world Where we're surrounded by single eligible people So again requires a little bit more effort on one's part And yet here's the thing you might find a guy who also has a disability and you might be perfect for one another In fact, there's probably groups Where people have disabilities and they can meet one another there I was watching a tv show called love on the spectrum and these are people with as burgers and and You know they they basically dated other people with as burgers because they felt safer with one another So my invitation is to explore what your disability is and then find others Maybe who share that disability as one possible way You can certainly put yourself out there in the dating realm And again, I would be forthright because some people who are jock types are probably better suited with someone who's a jock type Thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it emma and And I wish you much success with that all right kim says Have you ever coached someone with ptsd? Yes, I have I have coached people with ptsd now. I'm no expert by By that, you know within the realm of understanding what they've experienced although I do believe most human beings have suffered some sort of Micro post, you know ptsd or there's another term of it. I think there's it doesn't have to be a I think there could be Minor versions of ptsd as well as big versions of ptsd There's a name for it, but it just escapes me at the moment Yes, I have worked what's most important Again in discussing that is to be aware I think what's most important is to be aware and to be aware of how you become triggered by your ptsd And know this ahead of time. I want you to imagine you're walking down a street And there's a deep hole in the sidewalk that sidewalk is your triggers To be aware of it versus falling in and going i'm lost and i'm hopeless and it's not my fault I fell in well we a lot of people suffer from victim consciousness But if someone is aware that they have ptsd and they know what triggers them Then certainly they can be better prepared and that's the conversation I lean into is if you know your triggers, then you know what to expect So when you fall into the hole you get out of it quickly Because you know you were the one that fell in that hole and nobody else did that for you So uh coming back to your question. Thank you so much for asking that. I really appreciate it um Oh, here's a Someone says apps of fucking Lutely. I'm disabled and handicapped and I use a wheelchair and I found a good man Yes, thank you for sharing that robin. I really appreciate that um all right Melanie Maloney says jonathan mel from south africa. I love your videos and book references and advice turning 40 next month. Happy birthday to you. Yay All right, let's see what other questions we have. Let's go swimming again. You can purchase a super stick or super chat Don't forget. They know that just don't forget that goes to the connor asley scholarship fund All right, I'm scrolling to see if there's any questions I don't again post the word question and then the question thereafter. It helps me find it um Someone says casual dating Sucks every fucks up everything including yourself because you're not aligned and on the same page on your journeys Robin that is only true when one person wants casual and the other person doesn't it two people want casual They're on the same page. Then I don't think it fucks it up again unless someone wants more Okay All right, nick says What if I praise him or compliment him yet never yet? He never does that for me. Doesn't that mean he doesn't care either way about me? um That's a good question nick so, um You know, there are a lot of men who struggle Communicating their thoughts and their feelings and there are a lot of men who are actually very devoid Of being complimentary of leaning into the conversation of a relationship I think the reality is is as human beings You know the the fact is we need constant out not constant We certainly want to feel a sense of validation from our partner We want to feel feel a sense of of camaraderie with our partner. We want to feel a sense of compatibility So people that oftentimes are devoid of sharing their feelings probably lack a sense of self love And if you're not familiar with my book, what the heck is self love? Anyway, by the way, there's a link below to get all my recommended books I highly recommend reading this book for yourself But also I suggest Them reading this book because there's probably something blocking this man that makes it difficult for him to compliment at you It probably there was a trigger or wound in his life Maybe he was in a marriage that he he was very loving to his partner and then now that shut him down That's a form of ptsd a lot of trauma happens after divorce So there could be some reasons there, but ultimately I do believe we need I think a healthy relationship does offer Some validation to one another and by the way compliments are a great thing We need that to you know, kind of I don't know spark things up. So one of the things that I've learned is the four a's to a relationship the four a's to a relationship This is like the multivitam. It's attention affection appreciation and acceptance let me repeat that attention affection appreciation and acceptance So giving your undivided attention Okay affection touching your partner Appreciation which is a level of complimenting your partner and lastly accepting them for who they are now in this case He might want to just be accepted for not being a person that compliments them Compliments you and you have to decide if that really works for you I'm in favor of people complimenting each other And I would make more requests for that When it's genuine and sincere, but if he's not capable of doing that then I invite you To decide if this is really the right relationship for you and the fact that he does it for you I um, excuse me. You do it for him. You said my hope is it goes both ways Nick. Thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it All right, let's go swimming. Do you have a question post the word question Again post the word question the question thereafter It makes it easier for me to find or purchase a super sticker super chat question Ed Ed Lynn. I uh and Ed Lynn. I don't have miss Gonzalez Question have you ever chased a girl that cut off Contact with you after bonding with her. Have I ever so have I ever chased? Have you ever chased a girl that cut off contact with you after bonding with her be honest I'm trying to think so. I've certainly been Needy in my lifetime and I have chased women who weren't that into me And in a few cases I was able to win them over What I found in those few cases not that they cut me off But the fact that they weren't into me very early on Even though they began a relationship with me something was missing And I think the fact that they cut me off early on Was a really good indication that we were probably misaligned with one another. So in retrospect I I look back at any time I've chased a woman any of every single time I've chased a woman It's never ever ever worked long term. It's Temporarily worked for the short term But for whatever reason I do believe when we reject someone right from the get-go There's actually a good reason for it when we have resistant for someone There's a good reason for it And I think from a spiritual perspective is because they weren't the right person for you So men are two things first off. I want to drink some By the way, my coffee mug says let that shit go And you might notice I'm wearing a linen shirt today But men have men can operate from a place of chasing a woman because it's a competitive thing for them Men can be highly competitive. So the chase is the competition to hook you Temporarily so they can get that need of getting you early on and then they dismiss you This is why men who come on strong and then disappear. It's because oftentimes they were hooked on the chase This is why ladies I know you've been indoctrinated that men love the hunt men love the chase Most of the time the hunt and chase is merely to temporarily Conquer you it doesn't necessarily mean wanting to be in a full-blown relationship with you Then there are men who are needy like I was very needy in the past because I had an anxious attachment style And if you're not familiar with the book attached by emeer levine and rachel heller I highly recommend reading this. I had an anxious love attachment style. So when I was rejected by a woman I sometimes Would become needy and try harder or sometimes that my penis would shrivel up and I disappear But again, it only temporarily worked because I think ultimately our spirit knows Who's the right person for us right from the very get-go? We just don't often listen to our spirit oftentimes It's our ego or our insecurity that's driving the bus. Let me repeat that It's our ego or insecurity driving the bus and and not our heart centered space This is why I'm such a big proponent of reading the books. I recommend in fact I highly recommend reading spiritual partnership by gary zuccoff This is a great book to tap into your spiritual side as well as if the buddha dated if the buddha dated Oh my god. This is a great way to tap into your spiritual side to navigating life And you might find that you meet a partner that's more aligned to who you are and what you want. So that's my invitation Miss Gonzalez, thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it All right, let's keep swimming. Let's keep swimming. Do we have any questions? Anna said did you get a new ring and change fingers that you wore it on so Because I got so fucking tired of everybody. Okay, folks This is my right hand and I wear this ring on this finger so I can attract A life made in me because many of you just jonesed on thinking that it's my left hand That's my left hand that I'm wearing my finger right now on this finger to shut you all the fuck up Because it was driving me nuts So answer your question. That's what I did. Thank you for asking All right Thank you, Anna for that question. All right. Missy Taylor writes question I have a lots a lots of baggage in my life I've done a lot I've done a lot of inner child work and self-love and learning and healing and all relationships When do I share my baggage without scaring someone off? When do I scare my baggage without scaring someone off? Great question. All right, so Here's the thing If your baggage is active in your life today If your baggage is active in your life today, whatever that baggage might be Then I think it's important to be transparent early on Because the worst thing that can happen and ladies think about this. You're dating a man He doesn't say a word about his baggage. He romances you He charms you you sleep together you start dating and all of a sudden he starts vomiting all of his problems He starts vomiting all of his baggage because and he vomits all of his trauma and it's incessantly Vomiting vomiting vomiting vomiting how attractive is it to be with someone who is living in their baggage continually? It's not very attractive someone who's got drama someone who's got Complaint someone who's not healed from their past someone who's got a contentious ex someone who has you know Anybody who has chaos in their life? They don't have the foundation underneath them to build a solid relationship together Now in the case of what you shared You said you've done a lot of healing to heal your baggage in your life your your your trauma your Insecurities your negative patterns your limiting beliefs in your life so I suspect you have a desire to share about your past with someone Probably and I'm going to be very blunt here. My suspicion is there might be I'm not suggesting that this is an absolute But there might be excuse me. I just have to A a need inside of you to share this baggage But if you've healed from it, is it necessary? Is it necessary? Here's my invitation for you if it is not Material to the relationship Then you can take your time sharing about that part of the past in your life If it's not material to the relationship if it's material in other words It could affect your relationship Then I'm a big proponent of discussing these sooner rather than later because the worst thing that can happen is to be with someone Who vomits their baggage after you've gotten hooked to them after you've become attached to them? And then if again if this baggage is active and material in your life If it's not active and material and it's not going to affect the relationship in the future Then really is there any need to share it? I mean, but here's the thing I once I have written on my dating profile. I want to be able to talk about everything Um, I want to be able to wait a minute. What does it say? I want to be able to share everything in my life, but I don't have to share everything You don't have to share everything about your life till this point And it's really more about building new memories with each other to build new experiences with each other Because that has more richness than talking about the past So again, if you've genuinely healed from your past traumas, then there's really no Necessity to bring it up. I just invite you to build new memories with someone and that's Worth at least that's my invitation for you and I hope that helps out so Missy, thank you so much for that question great question First time I really have heard that so thank you so much all right question I'm from mary. Uh, she says i'm feeling completely defeated by internet porn I will never win the game feels over for me. Is there some mantra I can remember to overcome this sense of doom Wow, so i'm a little bit confused. Are you addicted to internet porn yourself? Is it that you have every single man you've ever dated is addicted to internet porn? Is that what's happening? So here's the thing There is happens to be a proliferation of internet porn Now here's the thing that's partially because people aren't you know humans aren't having regular sex with because if you're not in a Relationship and you don't have a a friend with benefit and you're not having regular physical intimate with someone Porn has taken over now. It's not just porn. It's also the masturbation that goes with this So two things happen The visual effect is the porn But also the masturbation at least for men in particular or even with women Is they become accustomed to their own way of pleasuring themselves? I notice i've known a lot of women that use a vibrator and they have a very difficult time having an orgasm with a male partner Um or a female partner for that matter because they've become quite addicted or accustomed to their vibrator And it's the same with masturbation and as men age They practically need a gorilla grip to get themselves off and the porn is just the stimulation So there's two things going on. There's the physical aspect of the masturbation As well as the porn addiction and that's certainly a huge proliferation today This is why it's better to have relationships with one another and fuck on a regular basis and learn how to pleasure one another but Coming back to your regular question. I'm sorry. You feel defeated. I understand why you might feel that way I also believe you have set yourself up with a belief that all men are addicted to porn I am not addicted to porn. I haven't watched porn in Years and even in the last Two decades. I don't think I've watched but an hour's worth of porn in my life in that last decade or two Maybe two hours worth maybe Um, so it's not a lot of time I think some men are dependent upon porn It makes it difficult for them to have an intimate relationship with someone Some men are dependent upon their physical gorilla grip as a friend of mine would say to feel that excitement and pleasure Um, and it requires a rewiring a rewiring and it requires a partner to rewire So again, I understand your frustration. Uh, you really didn't ask a question But I will just say I understand how you feel But i'm also telling you if you have a belief system that it's all men Then you will attract you'll just all you'll know It's like if I just said right now yellow vellus wagon bug and you get in the car You'll see nothing but yellow vellus wagon bugs or if I said silver Mercedes you will see nothing but silver Mercedes So focus on its reigning great guys that want a woman to have sex with That don't need porn That's my invitation for you. So thank you so much for asking that question All right Sammy says fuck away fucking yeah, exactly All right, let's go swimming Miss jinn says question if you seek this casual relationship you speak of Uh, let's communicating monogamous and sexual relationship when are when are A woman and wait when you are a woman and want to go on a date. It's a woman expected to pay so I've got a video that I have a video called who who should pay for a date I'm a big proponent of the person who makes the most money in the relationship is the predominant pair of the dating process The person who makes the most if two people are equally yoked then i'm a big proponent of two people equally investing financially in the relationship I know you're told that men are supposed to pay and men are supposed to leave But I will tell you most men at midlife Genuinely appreciate women who make effort and they genuinely appreciate women who pay and we actually respect those women more I invite you to call up 10 different men who are in their midlife who are single and ask them How do you feel when a woman offers to contribute or pay on a date? And I will venture to say most all of them will say if they're not control-free type of men They would actually appreciate it. So In the casual relationship, I would encourage that as well. Again, it's not a man's job to pay for a date I know you've been indoctrinated. I know it's it's not his job He's not required to do that Okay, and by the way, does that mean you're required to have sex with him whenever he wants? So we have to be careful with shoulds and expectations because that sets people up for failure in my opinion So coming back to that question, um miss jinn Gina Um, you you've got to decide that one for yourself. I'm a big proponent of two people equally investing in the relationship But that's my way of approaching things. So thank you so much. I appreciate that Uh Someone wrote personal question jonathan looking good Jon looking good jonathan you talk about going to concerts and sporting events. What's my favorite? Um The hollywood bowl is my favorite place to go. I happen to live in los angeles I'd really like to go to sofi stadium. That's the new rams headquarters Not that i'm overly a big sporting fan, but I would like to see the new stadium Hmm I would love to go to an amusement park I mean, I wish this whole fucking covet thing was over it'd be so fun to go to disneyland or Nottsbury farm or six flags magic mountain and go to a to an amusement park I think that'd be a fun date to go out with someone. So those are just some of the things I like I like concerts in the park whenever they're around But mostly the big thing I do most of the time is hollywood bowl. So, um Lisa thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it again. You can purchase a super sticker super chat if you'd like um janet says Always surprised at how much you understand about the dating relationship and lasting effects of habits porn addiction You are absolutely 100 correct baby steps away does help maybe temporarily Thank you so much for that kind compliment see what I appreciate She's complimenting me on something she respects about me And we love it or at least this man loves it and I'd like to think I'm representative of a lot of men So thank you so much Kim says you're a rarity jonathan most guys I know are heavily into porn and it shows Well, when we're not having sex on a regular basis for a lot of people that is their outlet And by the way, you women have your vibrators and you use this to get off So keep in mind when you get too addicted to masturbation, you're less likely to have physical sex with someone This is why I even limit my masturbation on a regular basis But that's just me Kelly says use that sex energy for a creative purpose find a skill to do like gardening or whatever Yeah, and yet we still need to get off every once in a while. So thank you Kelly Um Chloe said or clo. I says can I date more than one guy? Sure. How do you feel if he's dating more than one girl? So ladies, let's talk about this. I've shot in a video. I think a video is coming out shortly. Maybe tomorrow Um, can you date more than one man? Here's the thing Think about this. You're dating three guys He's dating three good ladies When do you ever really when do you ever have time to date three people at the same time? And if he's dating three and then the other person's dating three and the other person's dating three or two or whatever It's a clusterfuck out there. I think if two people are going to explore a relationship together Then spend a little time Investing in each other That's it. I'm not asking for years. I'm talking about you can take a few weeks off by the way The problem is when you get addicted to the dating apps You can meet a great person and totally fuck it up because you're looking for the next swipe Looking for the next swipe or the next date because you're afraid you don't want to get it hooked to the wrong guy So then you have to date more people by the way, this whole fucking circular dating or duty dating Is has been devised to make for women who get attached to the wrong guy There's this misconception if you date multiple men, you won't get attached to the wrong guy What happens is you i'm spitting You miss out On a great guy because you're multiple dating because you're following stupid books like this the rules Stupid fucking book the rules. This is the kind of shit that fucks people up So my invitation if two people genuinely like each other Then invest a little bit of time getting to know one another Does it I mean can't people take three or four weeks to get to I mean again If you can see each other twice a week three times a week Just invest in by the way if you can invest a hundred hours getting to know someone You'll know whether or not it means it's again if you're both on the same page if you're having Intentional conversation with one another. You don't need to date multiple people now. I'm not talking about meeting multiple people Yes Go ahead and meet as many people as you like when two people like each other and want to invest in each other Then take a little break and explore it doesn't mean you have to get married. It doesn't mean commitment It doesn't mean anything. It just means you're taking a break from being you listen I want to share a personal story. That's picture of my son Collin Dorky picture there So he recently met a woman on a dating app app called hinge about two months ago and Some and I say woman. He's 25. She's 22. She's becoming a speech path masters and speech pathologists My son is an entrepreneur He's and and so he they had a really great first date And he asked her out a couple four days later five days later They went out and had another great date and then they Did something again They hung out a few days later and had another date and I and I asked him When did you you know, are you still on the dating apps? He goes no and I go when did you log off of that and she said he said about the third date I go, why is that he goes? I just didn't want the distraction these things highly fuck us up ladies Understand this this actually multiple dating does more damage than good Especially if everybody is doing it So I'm a big proponent of date one person at a time and it and I asked Collin Is this a serious relationship and he says no, I'm taking it Slow, which I really respect. I think he listens to a lot of my videos I actually he does the editing for my videos So when you see that clip version that's because Collin spends time editing them And he says look I want to take my time getting to know her and I have no Interest is taking time to get to know someone else And he's a young guy He doesn't have to get married right away or anything But I really respect the way he's approaching the process right now because he's being genuine He's being intentional. He's being vulnerable authentic a transparent and they're really hitting it off And I'm so happy for I'm proud papa. I'm so happy for him. She looks like um, I don't want to I'm not going to spoil it She looks like a former figure skater that I used to have a crush on years back But she seems like a really sweet gown. I'm really happy for him. And you know what? He's not multiple dating and he's met someone great And I hope she's not multiple dating because I know my son is a great guy So that's my my perception on that take it for what it's worth. Again, this isn't the truth This is just the world according to jonathan the way I see things and I do a lot of conversations with people So trust me. Um, I suggest taking this advice. All right. Thank you so much for that question. Really appreciate it All right Chloe says My date is very sexual. What should I do when he starts sexting? Are if well, you said my date so I'm a little confused Folks, let's be clear If you're in a relationship with someone you're in a relationship with someone if you're dating someone How long you've been dating you've been dating six months. I mean, yeah, someone by the way I'm assuming that there's distance involved because that's why the sexting so Um sexting is a very common thing if one person's into it and one person isn't that means you're not on the same page I would just express that that's not my thing And you might find out that you're not right for each other or you might find out that you can spend more face to face time I'm not a big proponent. I'm a big proponent of flirting with one another I'm just not a big proponent of sexting because I would much rather have a vagina I would rather have my penis inside of a vagina than Jacking off and splattering all over my phone But that's just me. So I don't really think I answer your question, but that's my impression of it Thank you so much All right ocean way says Jonathan i'm so disillusioned by dating. I've unsubscribed from your channel, but the algorithm makes you show up I can't resist watching because you're hilarious. So right on. Thank you so much. I appreciate that compliment. Thank you so much All right, miss genus says can you ask a man to take time off the dating app so you all can get to know each other um That's a good question I certainly wouldn't be open to making a request people don't like to be told what to do But you can make a request and say hey, i'm planning on taking myself off the dating apps If we're going to explore a relationship together and if you want your penis inside my vagina Then i'm going to ask you to do the same thing. In fact, i'm going to ask you I'm going to purchase two copies of this book called eight dates by doctors john and julie gotman And i'm going to say if you want to fuck me we're going to read this book together To see if we're on the same page with one another Folks, we don't have time to fuck around at midlife You know what get busy living or get busy dying the days in front of us are much shorter than those behind us for those Well, actually i'm right. No, i'm pretty much pretty sure the days in front of me are shorter than the days behind me Based on my age so with that said let's not fuck around. Let's be more intentional Let's find out if we're on the same page with one another because when you're on the same page It takes the pressure off. This is why i recommend being intentional and having more serious conversation But jonathan aren't i supposed to lean back in my feminine energy and let the man claim me Like what fucking world does that really happen in yes for that small percentage of the people that like the movie You know pride and prejudice, you know that might work But the reality is is sitting back and waiting for men to do shit doesn't work It's time to be intentional by the way You are in charge of your relationship destiny You do not allow a man to be in charge of your relationship destiny if you're not familiar with my seven ways Women give their power away one of the primary ways women give their power away is expecting the man to lead the process Let me tell you something men are terrible at the dating process Which is why you have to take charge of your relationship destiny and that includes speaking up coming back to my book What the heck is self-love anyway chapter one speak your truth here it is What's it say speak your truth do it with kindness and later in the book chapter nine If it's sincere and from the heart you can't say the wrong thing to the right guy So i'm here to say make a request If he gets turned off he's probably not your guy, but that's just my way of looking at things Thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it all right Michelle says oh my god this chat session feels like i'm having a conversation with brother his authentic raw language makes me laugh By the way, I've always said ladies. I'm your big brother if I could be there for you on a first date I'd have the shotgun ready I'd be pointing at the guy's face and I'd be saying what's your intentions with my little sister What's your intentions with my little sister? I want you to become I can't be there to be there for you as your big brother So I want you to be in charge of your life because you can't depend on a man to be in charge of your destiny You should be in charge of yourself And if you need some support on that check out the link to a free discovery call with me to see if working with The coach is right for you check out my group called midlife love mastery Um and let's go from there. Hey listen Have I provided value today? If I have please purchase a super sticker super chat to let me know that I'm appreciated that would really help out and again For the scholarship fund i'm ready to give some money to the insight seminar So please purchase the super sticker super chat before we wrap up in the next minute or two And again that goes to the connor asley scholarship fund to defray the cost of personal development for those in need All right, we're going to take one last question and we're going to wrap up for the day bump bump bump Okay question Monique says When do I tell someone I don't drive and would need a pickup? Will this hinder my chances? You know this actually happened to me once so I actually dated a woman who didn't drive she grew up in new york And she didn't drive Now when we met I we lived about 40 miles away from one another so what we did was um Our first date I went out to visit her and then And then our that we began seeing each other and she actually would take a bus halfway I would pick her up halfway bring her to my place and then because she was into you know taking the bus I will tell you it was problematic, but she told me that actually very early on She said she had a little bit of a fear of driving She had grew up in new york and didn't need to drive so she had a phobia around driving That is a rare thing. I've noticed but it does happen So um, but I would speak up rather early on she did it It didn't block me from seeing her but I would think with the distance It was a fucking pain in the ass and I couldn't stand it. That wasn't the reason why we ended it We were just misaligned But ultimately it's better if you're not driving then it's better to date someone who lives five minutes away or 10 minutes away Or within 30 minutes Because it is problematic. That's my invitation for you So thank you so much for that. I really appreciate it Also, I want to thank lisa for the super sticker of 4.99 I also want to thank maggie for the super sticker of 7.99. This all goes to the connor asley scholarship fund Let's let's build that fund up right 1700 dollars at 1750 dollars I'd like to be able to get thousands of dollars away before the end of the year So all of your support really helps out Oh an ocean way just wrote I've resubscribed you're addictive That's the best compliment of the day and that's a great way to wrap up for today. So thank you so much Folks, I just want to remind you those five simple ways to attract him emotionally without your looks Be fun to be with this happens when you tend to share the same mutual interest Make sure you're on the same page. This takes the pressure off of the relationship Compliment him on something you respect about him Ask advice on something And lastly initiate social activities to spend time together which develops that friendship piece Which is the critical piece for a long-term lasting loving relationship. I want to thank everyone who is on tonight um And again, um I just want to tell you from the bottom of my heart. I really appreciate everything Please share this video with your friends Please like this video after it wraps up or come back and like it so it can be seen in the youtube algorithm Algorithms and I'm going to sign off today as I always do first off give myself a big gigantic job the bearer of self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm going to ask you to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear or pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives Thanks a bunch. Bye. Bye now Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye