 I'm Andy Fisher, WNW News at 8 minutes past 10, time for the Sears Radio Theatre. That's the theme from the Sears Radio Theatre. Tonight's story is a comedy with Andy Griffith as your host. Here's a preview. How'd you like the show, Mr. Bill? I was captivated and enthralled. But did you like it? Of course. You are, as we say, a hot commodity. You sure know how to make a comic feel wanted, sir? You are wanted, Benny. After all these years, that's music to my ears. The Sears Radio Theatre will begin after this message from your local station. Hello, I'm Stan Martin. It's sad that many youngsters feel the only way they can make their mark on our town is with a destructive act or a smear of graffiti. One building on New York's Lower East Side stands apart from the others. Its walls are spotless inside and out. The youngsters who work in play there have earned the respect of the entire city just as they've learned to respect themselves. This is a story about the Boys Brotherhood Republic. The BBR has been helping underprivileged boys work their way out of the slums for almost 50 years. By giving them the responsibility of governing and policing themselves, the BBR helps create a set of values which guide its members all their lives. I know because I was a member from the time I was 6, and the BBR helped change my life. It's doing the same right now for hundreds of youngsters with no other place to turn but the streets. Help the BBR turn out solid citizens. Send whatever financial support you can to the Boys Brotherhood Republic, 888 East 6th Street, New York, 1-009. Thank you. Henry Winkler and I'm an actor and I'm proud of it. I've played many roles from Shakespeare to the Fonz, and right now I'm playing what I consider a significant spokesman role for the American Cancer Society. We're inviting you to join our cast of Millions, the millions of Americans who are playing a role in the fight against cancer, scientists in research laboratories, the people helping cancer patients with rehabilitation and other services, many of them former cancer patients themselves. All those volunteers playing an important role, ringing doorbells to help raise the funds needed to bring about a happy ending to our centuries-old drama, The War Against Cancer. That's your role. Act. Send a generous check now to your American Cancer Society. It's not a small part. As Shakespeare said, many strokes, though with a little axe, felled the hardest-timbered oak. Remember, it's your American Cancer Society. This is Andy Griffith. One sort of creature has a spiked tail, horns sticking out of its foie, a goatee, an evil grin, and carries a pitchfork. No, it's not an enraged farmer or your crazy aunt Margo. It's the devil or the picture that most people have of the devil. Now, I'd be the last person to try and convince you that this picture is incorrect. In fact, hold on a minute. That fancy black sports car is in an awful hurry. Let's follow it. We're in the Catskill Mountains now and nights falling. Twists like a pretzel. The driver displays an unearthly control of the speeding machine. Look up ahead, a resort of some kind. The car slows down and pulls into the resort. The driver gets out and so does a stunning blonde and a slinky black evening gown. The driver pauses, looks around, strokes his goatee with a gloved hand, his dark patent leather shoes glisten, and his black jumpsuit hugs the contours of his body, the blonde giggles, and the driver flashes an evil-looking grin. He slips his arm around the blonde's waist, and together they walk towards the resort. Hmm, look. The car has a personalized license plate. Let's see. It reads D-E-V-I-L-L-E. Devil? It couldn't be, couldn't? And that's only the beginning of our story. Radio Theatre, a new adventure in radio listening. Five nights of exceptional entertainment every week, brought to you in Elliott Lewis' production of The Sears Radio Theatre. Our story, Last Resort by Mark Trella. Our star, Marvin Kaplan. The Sears Radio Theatre is brought to you by Sears Robuck & Company. Sears, where America shops for value. Is that egg now you're drinking? Mm-hmm. In June? Sure. And after this, I'm going to Sears to wrap myself in a fall coat. What? At the pre-season coat layaway at Sears, I'll save 25% on any coat I choose. Pre-season or last year's leftovers? Mm-mm. All our Fall 1979 styles. And a deposit holds my coat until October 1st, 1979. Save 25% during Sears pre-season coat layaway sale now at most Sears retail stores. Sale ends June 23rd, dates may vary in Alaskan, Hawaii. Watch the birdie! Oh, that's great. Your baby's wearing Sears sleepin' play suit, right? Mm-hmm. And that baby stroller with the shovel handles from Sears too? Right. Why Sears? Because Sears has what I need. Take Winnie the Pooh sleepin' play suits. They have double fabric toes, a must for my infant dynamo, and the stroller. That shovel handle lets me move the stroller easily with just one hand. But why the questions about Sears? Well, my wife's expecting. Oh, we get the picture. I've always been willing to give you the shirt off his bag. So this Father's Day showed Dad how much you appreciate him with a luxurious-looking dress shirt from Sears. Ultrasid dress shirts, now 25% off. They're handsome, short-sleeved, permapressed shirts of easy-care Dacron polyester. Yet, Ultrasid dress shirts have the look and feel of silk. Choose from solids, patterns, and textured solids all at 25% off. Now $7.49 to $10.50. Sale ends June 16th. Prices and dates may vary in Alaskan, Hawaii. All items available at most larger Sears retail stores. It's a stand-up comic. He refuses to sit down. But that's not Benny's only problem. His career has never really gotten off the ground, and he's not getting any younger. Just ask his mother, who is talking to Benny in his dressing room, at a Swank Catskill Mountain Resort. If your poor father rest his soul, I could see you now, Benny. His only son, an entertainer. Ma, this is my life. This is all I know. So why can't you come home and take over the family business? Ma, we don't have a family business. So we could start one. Benny, please come home. You're breaking your poor mother's heart. I finally get a chance to show my stuff at a classy nightclub, and you want me to forget my career and come home. The neighbors ask about you, Benny. I've worked years to get where I am today. And I'm embarrassed to tell them that my son is a comic. I'm not getting any younger, you know. So you want me on my knees. Is that it, Mr. Big Shot Entertainer? All right, I'm on my knees. Ma, please get up. I got a show to do. Here's some money. Why don't you get yourself a nice table and enjoy the show? Ten dollars. How can I enjoy myself on ten dollars? All right, here's another ten. No wolf-colored jokes, Benny. You know how sensitive I am. Sure, Ma. Enjoy the show, Ma. I always do, son. And people ask me why I became a comic. Mr. Denton wants to see you in his office, Benny. Mr. Denton? I'll be right there. Good on, Milton. Yes, sir. How many nights have you worked for me? Of course, sir. Do you know that the past four nights have been the worst in the history of this resort? I can't imagine why, sir. Sunspots, Milton. Those disturbances on the surface of the sun. Do you really think so? No. You may find this far-fetched, Milton, but I honestly believe it has something to do with the way you've been entertaining the evening crowd. I don't like the way you said entertaining, Mr. Denton. And I don't like the way you've been doing it. From the looks of the receipts, neither do the customers. Look, Benny, you're a real nice kid, but any young man, you ain't. I thought I did a pretty good job. Well, the first night, you got about six laughs, and it's been downhill ever since. You're making the old woman with the shopping bags, the one who laughs at everything you say. You leave my mother out of this. Your mother? Oh, now I get it. You plant your mother in my nightclub just so she'll laugh and make you look good. That's not true. She just follows me around. I can't stop her. I never thought you'd try to pull a fast one on me, Milton. Well, you won't do it again. After you finish tonight's show, you are through working for me. Gentlemen, we proudly present that walking laugh machine, Mr. Ben. Good evening, folks. It's great to be in the Catskill Mountains. This part of the country is gorgeous, and it's so different from the city. I woke up this morning and saw a bird sneaking off of my wallet. It is a nature imaginative. I took a stroll in the woods yesterday and I saw a beaver dam with a toll gate. That didn't surprise me because the day before, I picked a flower and on the stem it said, no deposit, no return. Is this thing working? I know you folks are out there because I can hear you drinking. All right. I'd like to introduce my mother, Mrs. Milton, who's been enjoying the show along with the rest of you. Let's hear it for my mother. You've been a wonderful audience and if I never see you again, it'll be just fine with me. All right, everybody. You win, Ma. I'll come home. Now you're talking sense, Benny. Here, let me pack your suitcase for you. All the years I spent on the road playing night spots doing christenings and bar mitzvahs, but what? Should I pack your monogram rubber duck? I worked hard, Ma. I really did. Of course you did, Benny. Oh, and your mittens? Just can't understand it. Of course you can't. I know I can make people laugh. You make me laugh. Mothers and agents, don't count. Oh, yeah? Just wait until you get home, Mr. Big Shot Entertainment. I'll show you who doesn't count. No, no, I can't quit now. I'm so close. There. Okay, we're ready to go, Benny. Ma, do you know how important it is for me to be a successful comic? What's important? Well, get you a good job. Forget being a comic already. I'd give anything to be a successful comic. My soul. Did someone say soul? Who are you? One of those fancy schmancy Hollywood types, if you ask me. Ma, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Deville. This is Salome. Hi there, folks. Hello there. I'm Benny Milton. Yes, we do. My son and I were just leaving. Come on, Benny. Wait a minute, Ma. My card, Mr. Milton. Prince of Darkness Productions, Hollywood. You see, Benny, your mother was right. Ma, I give the man a chance. Mr. Milton, my agency is constantly on the lookout for new talent. Huh? So what has that got to do with my Benny? Ma, please. I think your boy may have some talent, Mrs. Milton. You think my boy has talent? I arrived too late to see your show, Benny, but if you would agree to a brief audition. He? In the dressing room? No, no, no. Mr. Denton has agreed to let us use the nightclub for a private show. Of course, you will be reimbursed for your time. That's really no problem, Mr.... And just how much money are we talking about, Mr. Hollywood agent? $500 cash. $500. He'll do it. Sears National Automotive Sale. The maintenance-free Sears 36 battery is now on sale. Great starting power. Now only $34.99 with trade-in. You save $5. And save on Sears Dynaglass Belt and 28 tires. They're on sale now at 40% off Spring 1979 General Catalog prices. Plus Federal excise tax. Dynaglass Belt and 28 tires. Save 40%. Super values at most Sears Tire and Auto Centers. Prices may vary in Alaska and Hawaii. Stop! Sears Brass Plated Lamps. One switched on. The fine-pleted antique satin shade illuminated the furniture softly. Another lamp turned on. And another. The patio doors blew open. Sears Brass Plated Lamp nearby with its heavy base built for stability did not budge. The room glowed in the brassy elegance that these Sears best lamps command. Create your own hauntingly elegant moods with Sears Brass Plated Lamps at most larger Sears retail stores. Come with me on a magic carpet ride to view Sears Kismet Classic Collection of rugs with the beauty and luxury of genuine oriental creations. Behold 13 exquisite patterns inspired by great masterpieces and the orient. Look upon all nine sizes of Kismet Classic rugs each of a 100% virgin worsted wool pile. Deep, dense, luxurious. Riding a rug is okay, but decorating with Kismet Classics is heaven on earth. At most largest Sears retail stores. So, Benny Milton can earn $500 for just a few minutes' work. At this rate, he and his mother can retire in 24 hours. Thanks Mr. Deville and Salome are Californians. Benny has decided to make them feel at home by doing his famous Los Angeles monologue. Ladies and gentlemen, we proudly present that walking laugh machine, Mr. Benny. Thank you very much and good evening, folks. Gee, it's great to be in sunny Los Angeles. This is the only city in the world with hot and cold running traffic. Now, I won't say that smog is a problem out here, but Los Angeles is the only place I know where you can see the air. But everyone out here is used to it. I know folks who refuse to go out on clear days. Don't get me wrong. They're trying to clean up the atmosphere out here. This summer they're introducing a car that runs on smog. Los Angeles is such a strange place. They do things differently out here. Kids learn to drive before they can walk. They put in the swimming pool before they build the house. And you can become a star, but you don't have any talent. They even put their trash on TV. There are so many weird religious groups and cults out here now. People worship the devil or the son. I met a guy who worships hamburgers. I'm serious. He has his own church with French fries and everything. He even performs marriages. After he pronounces the couple man and wife, he has the groom slip an onion ring on the bride's finger. You've been a wonderful audience. Benny, please join us at the table. Oh, that was a marvelous routine, Benny. You captured the essence of the Los Angeles lifestyle. You were a scream, Benny. Thanks, Salome. Before we get down to business, Salome has to powder her nose. Powder my nose? Oh, yeah. Come on, Mrs. Milton. I don't have to powder my nose. Then you can watch me powder mine. All right. Don't sign anything till I get back. Your mother is an unusual woman. You're telling me? What does she keep in those shopping bags? You know I never asked her? Benny, tell me about yourself. Your career, your ambitions. What little there is to tell could fit on a match cover. I played a lot of small towns, but we comics called the Bosch Belt. I was hoping this engagement would be my big break. I see. And things didn't work out so well. Nah. It was a disaster. Nobody laughed at my jokes except my mother. Is your mother always in the audience? Just the bad. She's my biggest fan, only she won't admit it. Even she couldn't help the crowds at this place. And there's nothing worse than playing to a crowd that doesn't respond. Now that's my idea of hell. That's interesting. Mr. DeVille, you can level with me. Do you think I'm funny? You're a walking life machine, Benny. You really think so? You have got talent to burn. I just can't understand why no one has discovered you sooner. I'm not exactly a household word. Well, we can remedy that. By signing you to an exclusive contract with Prince of Darkness Productions. I just happened to have a copy of our standard agreement with me. Gee, I don't know, Mr. DeVille. I just met you. Benny, you sign with me. And incredible worlds of opulence and luxury will be yours. Beautiful clothes, exotic women, fancy sports cars. And bright lights, Benny. Bright lights that will spell out your name. Benny Milton. Exactly. Here's a pen. You really think I can be your famous comedian, Mr. DeVille? I guarantee it. In six months time, you will be a household word. Now, sign on the dotted line. Here goes nothing. And press hard, you're making six copies. Sure. Benny Milton. There. Well, you won't regret this, Benny. Oh, welcome back, ladies. It's just in time to celebrate. And what are we celebrating? Your son has just signed with Prince of Darkness Productions for exclusive representation in the here and the hereafter. Benny, is this true? Relax, Ma. I know what I'm doing. Mr. DeVille will put my name in lights. I'll give you lights, Mr. Big Shot Entertainment. Ma, please. Mrs. Milton, you should be proud of your son. And why is that, Mr. Hollywood agent? Because he drove a very hard bargain. I did. I've got a $1,000 bonus for signing. And here is a $500 fee for your exquisite performance. Benny, my son. I'm so proud of you. Congratulations, Benny. Welcome to the family, Benny. Gee, I'm all choked up. Benny, you signed an agreement with these people and they're crazy. Ma, they're not crazy. Are you? No. We're no crazier than you or your mother. There's nothing to worry about. Nothing to worry about? Did you read the contract, Benny? Suppose you signed your life away, Mr. Big Shot. Ma, I didn't sign my life away. Did I, Mr. DeVille? No, of course not, Benny. See, Ma? Well, I can't believe that you're getting off that easy. What did my son sign away, Mr. Hollywood agent? Well, if you must know, Mrs. Milton, your boy signed away his soul. Oy vey. Baby. Baby. Baby. Here's Radio Theatre. We'll continue after this message from your local station. You've changed, Bernard. You're not the man I married. What do you mean, Francine? Remember the way you were, vulnerable. You made mistakes. But now look, you're confident. Everything you do turns out right. It's that book you sent away for. It's just a catalog from the Consumer Information Center. It lists more than 200 federal publications you can send for on building, fixing, eating, buying, selling, working, playing, living. And more than half of them are free. Yes, Francine, the man you married is gone for good. All right, Bernard. Would you make just one more mistake for old time's sake? All right. For you, I'll just replace that window glass like I used to. Whatever you do, learn to do it better. Send for your free catalog. Just write Consumer Catalog Pueblo, Colorado, 8109. Francine, send for that publication on first aid. What was that address? Pueblo, Colorado, 8109. Dear Abby, a listener writes, now that my husband's gone, I've tried to open my own charge accounts and have been turned down. It seems all our credit was listed in his name. Now I'm told I have no credit record in my own name. Signed, stuck. Dear stuck, this is a real problem for many women. Four out of five of you will one day be on your own. But if you know your rights, you can help protect yourself against future credit rejection. So take some advice from dear Abby. Call or write stores for you and your husband to share charge accounts. Have them listed in both names, yours as well as his. Say you want joint charge accounts listed as Mrs. Mary Jones as well as Mr. John Jones, who will have a history of credit too? The law gives you that right. For more information, write for the free booklet Women and Credit Histories, Federal Trade Commission, Washington, D.C. 20580. That's Women and Credit Histories, FTC, Washington, D.C. 20580. During Benny Milton's long and not so illustrious career as a stand-up comic, numerous agents have requested many things from him. But never has an agent asked for Benny's soul until now. Benny, he wants your soul. My, he's pulling your leg. Mr. DeVille, it takes my mother a while to catch on. I understand, Benny. I wasn't born yesterday, Mr. Hollywood agent. I knew you were joking. Don't make me laugh. You signed away your soul, Benny. That's a good one. Yeah, that's a hot one. We do things differently back east, Mr. DeVille. An agent doesn't get your soul for at least five years. Now, Mr. Hollywood agent, just what are your plans for my boy? Well, we will need to expose Benny gradually. And my boy is not exposing himself? Ma, he means club dates, television, talk shows, stuff like that. Yes, Mrs. Milton, I already have a blueprint for Benny's takeover of America. And in six months, your boy will be a household word. My son, the household word. I'll leave tonight for New York to arrange Benny's first major appearance and Salome will drive both of you to New York in the morning. Leave it, Ma. We're on our way to New York. At this speed, we should be landing there any minute. Jesus is fun. Mr. DeVille says I'm the only person who can turn a highway into a slalom course. If that's a joke, I'm not laughing. This is a terrific car, Salome. Mr. DeVille gave it to me. He said it was a pimento. You mean memento, don't you? Nope. This is one of those Italian sports cars. An Italian sports car. Did you get it, Ma? I got it, I got it. Listen, Salome, what sort of person is this Mr. DeVille? What is he really like? Oh, he's real sweet, Mrs. Milton. Just like Benny. Oh, good one. And he handles a lot of people? He has so many clients. I don't know how he keeps track of them all. And he works so hard day and night. Maybe he should take a vacation or something. Oh, not Mr. DeVille. He never rests. Well, he must be a very good judge of talent because it looks like he does real well. Oh, Mr. DeVille is the best at what he does. And I think Benny is his pet project. Is that anything like a pet rock? Oh, Benny, you're too much. Let's hope they think so in New York. Ladies and gentlemen, the Armageddon proudly presents that bright new talent, that walking laugh machine, Mr. Benny Milton. See, it's great to be in New York. I love this city, and you'll never hear me joke about it. I mean, what can you say about a place that only cost $24? I spent more on cab fare. Now, don't look at me like that, folks. I refuse to tell a New York cabbie joke. Although I did hear that they're developing a robot cabbie that gives you baseball scores and unsolicited opinions. This particular model also manhandles your luggage and drives past you when it's raining. Boy, haven't times changed. The bums on the Bowery won't panhandle you for less than a dollar. And I can remember when the Staten Island ferry was a boat ride. Everybody thinks all the weirdos are on the West Coast, right? And the paper that a guy tried to hijack a subway to Jersey City must have been the same guy who tried to kidnap the Statue of Liberty. And everyone thinks that all the big decisions in this country are made in Washington? Not true. They're made right here on wall-to-wall streets. I'm a stockholder and proud of it. But the Dow Jones isn't the indicator I watch to see how the market's doing. Once a week I go down there and count how many people bring their lunches in brown paper bags. Never fades. Hey, you've been a terrific audience. My mother thanks you. Good night, everybody. So done, Renier. Yes, sir, Mr. Deville. How'd you like the show, Mr. Deville? I was captivated and enthralled. But did you like it? Of course. You are, as we say, a hot commodity. You sure know how to make a comic feel wanted, sir? After all these years, that's music to my ears. I'm in heaven. Well, we simply must do something about your choice of words, Benny. Speaking of choices, Mr. Deville, do I have any say about what clubs you booked me into? Oh, I should say, sir, Benny, suggest a way. Well, I have this dream, see. I always wanted a headline on the strip in Las Vegas. It's my favorite town. It's mine, too. And I'm sure that can be arranged. I happen to know the owners of the Inferno. Oh, if I could headline there, I could die a happy man. That, too, can be arranged. So when do I leave for Las Vegas? Shouldn't we build up to it, Benny? I mean, there's no hurry, is there? Oh, no, sir, I got plenty of time. Yes. Now, um, Salome and your mother will accompany you to the following clubs I've selected. Rising Star at Walking Love Machine. Mr. De... Folks, see, it's great to be in Chicago. It's June and you already got snow. Or is that left over from last winter? Yes, sir, you got the world's tallest building, the world's busiest airport, and the world's worst snow removal. Benny, tell Salome to stop driving like a bat out of... We don't want to be late for the next club date. And I like the way Salome drives. So pipe down, ma. Pipe down? This is my Benny talking? Just relax. Don't you worry about me, Mr. Big Shot Entertainer, and your blonde flusy with the lead foot. She's not a flusy, ma. Just calm down, enjoy the scenery. Enjoy the scenery, he says. What can I see from the trunk except you and Mr. Salome making eyes at each other? Ma, I'm a grown man, and I'll make eyes if I want it. All right, have it your own way, Mr. Big Shot. But you're in for a big surprise. Do have a seat, Mrs. Newton. Thank you, Mr. Deville. Now then, what can I do for you, Mrs. Milton? I came to you as a last resort, Mr. Deville. My son has fallen in love with your girlfriend, Salome. Salome? She's hardly my girlfriend. She's not your girlfriend? She happens to be a client of mine. So aren't you going to break up this torrid romance? No, it's hardly a torrid romance, Mrs. Milton. Salome likes to have a little infatuation. Believe me, it's nothing serious. Well, my Benny thinks it's serious. Aren't you going to do something? What would you help me do, Mrs. Milton? Salome is a grown woman, and she can make eyes if she wants to. But she's making eyes at my Benny, and they're just not right for each other. You seem dead set against this relation. Dead set is right. I'd give anything to put an end to it. Anything? I'd even give my soul. Your soul? How interesting, Mrs. Milton. Then you'll break up Benny in this floozy? I think we can arrange something, Mrs. Milton. It sure was nice of Salome to loan me her car. Nice isn't the word. She's a sweet girl, Benny. You know, Salome and me are thinking about getting married. Married? How nice! We can have the ceremony in Las Vegas, and you and Mr. Deville can be witnesses. It's a marriage made in heaven, Benny. She's the kind of girl a guy could lose his head over. And I'm glad you changed your mind about it. We'll be in Las Vegas soon. We can all get together. Yeah. Where'd you get the mink stone, ma? Oh, uh, you Mr. Deville gave it to me. Huh? Why did you do that? I'm a mentor, I guess. How should I know? Well, I've been thinking about Mr. Deville. Oh? And what have you decided? Since I'm a star, I really don't need him anymore, do I? Well, he's been so nice to us. I feel like we owe Mr. Deville something. We don't owe him a thing. How can you be so sure? Ma, don't you see what he's doing? He's making a fortune off of my talent. But Mr. Deville doesn't need the money? Are you playing devil's advocate? Watch your language. Is this ingrate, my Benny? I can't understand your attitude. Of course you can't. You never had to share a marquee with the amazing gumbo brothers or follow a trained seal act or sleep in the same room with ventriloquist who's dummy snored. Well, I'm tired of sharing the limelight and the profits. But Benny, listen... No. I make everyone laugh, so I deserve everything. So what are you gonna do, Mr. Big Shot Entertainer? What any self-respecting stand-up comic would do. I'm going on a sit-down strike. I won't perform until Mr. Deville lets me out of the contract. But you're supposed to play the inferno tomorrow night. I made up my mind. I waited this long to play the inferno. A few more days won't kill me. Yeah, Mr. Deville won't like this one bit. Oh, to hell with Mr. Deville. Ooh, Benny, what you said! The perfect match to strike this Father's Day. Your dad and Sears' classic collection separates all super values. Save $10 on the sport codes, $4 on the slacks or reversible vest. In solid tones that mix and match to give dad many great looks. Like a three-piece suit, start with solid slacks, now $15.99. Add a solid sport code, now $39.99. And reversible vest, $14.99. Each classic collection separate chosen to fit dad's build. Salem's June 16th. Prices and dates may vary in Alaska and Hawaii. Sears wants to break the ice. When it comes to buying a Kenmore refrigerator, so we're taking $50 to $100. Sears wants to break the ice. Sears wants to break the ice. Sears wants to break the ice. Sears wants to break the ice. So we're taking $50 to $100 off three models through June 30th. You save $100 on the 19 cubic foot side by side and $70 on the 17 cubic foot top freezer refrigerator. Both have automatic ice makers and Sears' exclusive humid drawer. Save $50 on a Kenmore 17 cubic foot refrigerator freezer without ice maker. All are frostless. Kenmore, solid as Sears. Dates may vary in Alaska and Hawaii. Available at most larger Sears retail stores. Griffith again, and here's the concluding act of last resort Well, how do you like the penthouse, Benny? This is the penthouse. We must be ten stories underground Didn't mr. Deville tell you that the best rooms at the inferno are underground? No, and I got a feeling there are other things mr. Deville isn't telling me like what I can't put my fingers on it yet But that's one more reason I have to get out of my contract get out of your contract, Benny Why so I can be master of my own destiny and so you and me can get married Married you and me Well, we your mother says she's all for it. She is yeah, and I'm just as pleased as you are Well, I've got a feeling there's something she's not telling you. Oh, like what? Look look what I got everybody Welcome to Las Vegas shopping bags. They're real nice ma guess who I ran into in the gift shop Liberace your mr. Deville and was he ever in a foul mood? Oh Something bad must have happened. I don't know, but he was fuming Benny, maybe you'd better not talk to mr. Deville right now There's plenty of time to talk Benny relax and enjoy Las Vegas. I get the picture both of you are working for mr Deville He sent you down here to scare me, but won't work when I'm through with him He'll beg me to let him out of the contract Salome fix me a drink you could ask her in a nice way mr. Deville shut up Danny do as I say Salome. Oh What a wretched day simply wretched mr. Deville there's something I want to talk to you about ah Thank you dear Salome ma. Don't you have to powder your nose powder my nose? Oh? Oh, yeah, yeah come along salami. I don't need to powder my nose then you can watch me powder mine I Am surrounded by greedy eccentric idiots ingrates the whole lot never that upstart wanting out of his contract Does someone try to get out of a contract? Yes, it happens occasionally I'm misguided performer gets the mistaken notion that he is a star and that he alone is responsible for his success Ridiculous that kind of ingratitude irritates, so you know what out of me. I become very angry and I do very nasty things Nasty things such as well. I'd rather not bore you with the gruesome details You've been so loyal faithful go ahead bore me. I'd really like to know No, they take this young man for instance a bright up-and-coming young comic not unlike yourself And suddenly he decides that he wants out if he's contract just like that. What happened to him? Well our young man had shall we say an unfortunate accident? He fell 13 stories. Oh That's terrible as especially since he was on the seventh floor at the time Did he had all the makings of a great star such my carb talk before your big performance do forgive me Benny Oh sure, mr. Deville. No, then what was it you wanted to speak to me about speak to you? Oh, yeah Yeah, you will be at the show tonight. Oh, of course Benny. I wouldn't miss it for all their souls And you know where how can I relax? You didn't hear what happened to the other guy that wanted out of his contract But there's something peculiar about mr. Deville. You suppose he's connected with the underworld How can you joke at a time like this The woman back is almost finished mr. Milton. Thanks pop. I'll be right there Let's see now. I Gotta make mr. Deville think it's his idea. Let me out of the contract Benny Milton. You're a genius What are you gonna do Benny the world's worst monologue? That's all walking last machine Mr.. It's great to be in Las Vegas the home of legalized gambling You can gamble anywhere in this town. I got in a cab at the airport and instead of a meter this cab had a slot machine Hey, don't laugh I want $23 even have slot machines in the restrooms That's what I call a pay toilet Restrooms I was in a casino that had restrooms for everyone. They had one labeled men and other for women and another All the casinos try to outdo each other the one I'm staying at advertises a card game in every room They also got a great breakfast deal. It's called the loser special for only 99 cents. You get a cup of coffee and two air Believe me give me a free tank of gas if you lose over a hundred Did you hear the one about the dumb gambler who paid off all his debts and then left You've been a wonderful audience Good night. Yes, mr. Bill. He said he had some business to take care of and he dropped in later Where's my mother? I haven't seen her since the powder room Benny I didn't understand what's going on here. What's to understand you were a scream I threw that crowd every stale Las Vegas joke. I had I should be punished for telling jokes that bad Why were they laughing at those lousy jokes something is funny around here, and it isn't me. We'll don't look at me, Benny Are you going somewhere? I've done some soul-searching Salome and my mother was right You and I aren't right for each other. I could have told you that Benny What about your contract with mr. Deville look he can't hold me to a contract if he can't find me I don't understand Benny. Well, I think I do in the sooner. I'm out of here the better new going somewhere Benny Mr. Deville Just stepping out for some fresh air. Ah and how far were you stepping? How about Cleveland? Benny I'm disappointed in you Can't you take a joke mr. Deville, I don't have a sense of humor No, I had such plans for you. I even had a surprise waiting for you upstairs a surprise for me No, it's small token a memento. You might say it's worth twenty thousand dollars twenty thousand up. I Might be persuaded. No, no, that's all right, Benny. I don't want you to feel pressured in any way pressure. What pressure? Let's see the surprise. All right then. It's parked upstairs You have any how do you like it? Mr. Deville Do you know what this is? Yes, of course. I do Benny. It's a custom-made nine-cylinder British Lucifer with hand-tooled leather interior Mfm stereo steel belted radio sunroof and an overhead cam engine Which attains speeds in excessive 130 miles per hour sticker price nineteen thousand eight hundred and seventy-one dollars and sixty-four cents This can't be happening. Of course it can notice a personalized license, please Be and then why Benny? You shouldn't have Here are the keys Benny Would you? Care to make a trial run the desert quite beautiful this time of night and you can put this little devil through its face I'd love to It's almost frightening. Oh, you seem to be handling it rather well then it is taking all of my strength to keep this car on the road Seems to have a mind of its own Doesn't that upset you when something it belongs to you decides that it has a mind of its own I don't get it. Mr. Deville. What if this car suddenly decided it didn't need you anymore? You don't start going goofy. I mean, how do you think I felt when I learned that you wanted to end our relationship Benny? I wasn't trying to pull a fast one. I just wanted some time to think things over. Well, I did your thinking for you You never had any worries. Did you know? But we have a couple of questions for you. Yes, where's my mother? I'm sure she'll be joining you shortly And she better don't worry about that then And another thing Why was everyone laughing at my jokes tonight because you are Benny Milton the walking laugh machine? Yeah, but I purposely gave him the worst monologue I could and they still laugh Benny You could have read the telephone book and gotten laughs tonight Are you saying that you made a deal with those people to laugh at anything? I said no Benny all of those people made deals with me Just like you did in exchange for certain concessions they do as I say You wield a lot of power mr. Deville. I should I'm the devil Hey, don't talk like that Benny. Please remove your foot from the accelerator. That's a good idea. We are going pretty fast Hey, we're not slowing down The brakes don't work Mr. Deville do something. I'm afraid not many it's time for you to repay me for services rendered Perhaps if you hadn't decided to leave me you might have enjoyed your fame a while longer What do you want for me? I'll give you anything. No, I don't want anything. I want your soul Give me your soul Benny. Get your hands off me. You let give it to me. I want it now And you die Pity you had all the makings of a great star. I'm dead Funny I don't feel different you will Please follow me if I'm dead You must be dead too, right? No, no, Benny. This is my home Strange place. I've been in nicer tunnels Please step in here, Benny This place looks familiar reminds me of a resort. I once played in the Catskills talk about disasters That place was my idea of hell. So what are all these people waiting for mr. Deville? They're waiting for you, Benny for me Where are we mr. Deville? This is hell Benny your idea of hell hell That's the last time I trust an agent Why don't you walk on stage? We don't want to keep the nice people waiting. Do we all right? Let's get this show on the road and gentlemen We present that walking laugh machine mr. 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I know dad sale ends June 16th prices and dates may vary in Alaska and Hawaii All items available at most larger sears retail stores Her has been brought to you by sears roebuck and company where our policy is Satisfaction guaranteed or your money back? Sears where America shops for value Last resort was written by Mark Trella produced and directed by Fletcher Marco Your host was Andy Griffith. Our star was Marvin Kaplan Featured in the cast were Lillian Bayef Ben Wright Noel North Jerry Hausner and Jack Carroll The music for sears radio theater was composed and conducted by Nelson Riddle. This is Art Gilmore speaking The Elliott Lewis production of sears radio theater is a presentation of CVI This year people of all nations are joining hands to improve the lives of the world's needy children Through care you can provide the families of these children with the means to grow their own food to build medical facilities safer water systems and schools Tomorrow's world is in our hands help make it a better place for all the children Send your checker money order to care crusade for children overseas box 576 in New York 100 16 See it Touches each and every one of us without exception young or old rich or poor black or white Something we all have in common. They let our jobs fail our families and most important fail ourselves Learning to cope with tension is a never-ending process One that begins at birth and continues to the end of life It's one of the keys to happiness and good mental health in our time This is Cliff Robertson There are few of us who wouldn't welcome solid advice from a good friend on how to deal more effectively with our tensions That friend can be your mental health association Contact them for a copy of their pamphlet How to deal with your tensions radio theater will be a mystery with Vincent Price as your host Let's listen if I wanted to be free. I could divorce Marjorie and why haven't you well That's just it. Maybe I don't want to In any case if I haven't tried even that why would I jump to murder? Human behavior is a mysterious thing. So be sure and tune in tomorrow to Sears radio theater