 Howdy how's it going? My name's Davy Chappy and do you know what I like? Friends. Friends are there for you when you need the most. They're there for you when you need a hand, when you need to pick yourself up off the ground, scream praise for your conquering god and then behead the sacrificial scum that your friend is holding up. Through thick and thin, friends are always there for you. And that's why today we're going to be talking about the race that values friendship above all other things. The goblin. Now, I should note that this video is just one part of a three-part goblinoid special and as always, keep in mind that the majority of this is just my opinion. Although if you think that I'm joking about that goblin friend thing, hoo boy, you just stick around. But with that out of the way, let's begin. So goblins are the very first thing that you learn how to murder in almost every fantasy game under the sun, and almost every society is built around how much they don't like goblins. EW! I like them! I like goblins! AAH! But how does a goblin really feel? What does it think about the mass genocide that comes with being a tiny little green skin? Well, as it turns out, being dominated and forced to submit to bigger, scarier creatures is just par for the course. You see, all goblinoids, from the basic gobo to the smarter cousin, the hobgoblin, to the thick-brained and thick-veined bugbears, they all share the worship of the God of conquering and beating people up, the host god Maglubiet. See, long ago, Maglubiet had some fists that were ready for a punchin, and he was hungry for faces. So he took a look at all the different pantheons of races, and finally settled on punch-murdering the pantheons of the goblins, the hobgoblins, and the bugbears, leaving only a few left alive for each race to be the central you work for me, but really you work for this really big scary guy type person. These gods were Kurgorbayag, for the goblins, Nomagaya and Bargivjek, for the hobgoblins, and Grankul and Kragik, for the bugbears, and what these gods lacked in names that were possible to pronounce, they made up for in the middle management qualities and the ability to guide their separate races into being proper ghibli boys. And speaking of the gobbly-gooks, despite being considered one big family, the goblinoids are still technically three distinct races with their own personalities and lifestyle. This video will be focused primarily on the original gobbler's life, with the other two showing up a little bit later, but a gobblin's reality is that of consistent tribalistic survival, with goblins segregating themselves up into a hierarchy of forecasts, with those being the pariahs, who are practically slaves within their own tribe and get dunked on by all the other cast, the gatherers, who you may recognize as the hit-and-run goblins that sneak into places and steal all their shit, the hunters, who defend the tribe and go out to hunt game and unfortunate passers-by, and the lashers, who make up the closest thing that the goblins have to nobles, answering directly to the tribe leader and keeping any and all goblinoid's spellcasters within its ranks. All these green girls and guys are all the creatures, both feral and intelligent, that the goblins have managed to dominate and rule over, much in the same way that Maglubiet did to their own god, Kurgorbiag. Kurgorbiag himself only continues to exist because Maglubiet wants somebody to keep the goblins in line, and so Kurgorbiag makes his presence known by creating the sound of whips being lashed, moving chains or ropes, and giving his favored worshippers, who can be denoted by carrying a version of Kurgorbiag's red and yellow whip, spontaneous suppression, because any good manager knows that the best way to make their workers' work harder is to instill in them the almighty fear of God. But unfortunately for Maglubiet, goblins tend to be both crafty and numerous, and so when Maggi tried to annihilate all but one of the goblin pantheon, he unfortunately missed just one god. The goblin trickster deity that goblins intend to keep nameless, lest Maglubiet look them up in the yellow pages and show up to their house with a cricket back. This nameless god challenges the way of the conquering host by possessing any goblin that is treated too cruelly, even for a goblin, and from then on that new little nilbog will go completely nuts and start wreaking havoc on the host, playing pranks, and just generally being completely impossible to deal with unless everyone starts to praise it for being such a great and humorous person, as if they were the one broflake at the party that just doesn't realize that everybody is just not that into them. What's worse is that there really isn't any other way for the goblinoids to satiate a nilbog, since those who try to attack it find themselves inexplicably charmed by it, and those who actually managed to hurt it find that it actually healed off the damage, and even if somebody does find a way to finally put the thing in its place and crush it, the spirit of the goblin trickster god will just float off to the nearest next other goblin, and he'll be back where you started. The only protections that a warband has to ward off the nilbog is to choose one goblin to be the group's quote-unquote jester, which will hopefully be the one possessed by the god and turn into a nilbog, and this jester is allowed to do literally whatever it wants at any and all hours of the day, and nobody is allowed to tell it no, lest they feel the nilbog's nice guy wrath. And that's not even the only crazy magical transformation thing that goblins have to worry about in their everyday lives. See, way back in Maglubiet's young conquering god days, the big bad himself called upon the general of Gehenna, and asked for some yugeloths to aid him in his hostile takeovers. The general agreed, but when all was said and done, Maglubiet was all like, I'm gonna go get a pack of cigarettes, and just disappeared. Totally pissed at this broken oath, the general of Gehenna put a curse upon the entire goblin race, and that curse manifests in the rare goblin baby that is born, not as a true goblin, but as a being akin to the goblin version of a werewolf, a barghest. Barghest start out life as normal babby gibblers, but as they grow older, they learn to shift into their true wolf demon form, and Gehenna charges them with their ultimate side quest, kill 17 influential goblinoids, and eat their souls, then return to Gehenna, and be welcomed as the goodest boy in the outer plains. Finally, the last thing that I want to talk about in this guide is the goblin understanding of magic, or as they like to call it, Boo-yog! You may not have known this judging by their sophisticated demeanor, but goblins are dumb. As such, when a goblin sees magic, they usually can't comprehend exactly what they're seeing, so they label any and all magics, from the warlock to the wizard, to the cleric to the bard, as just one big bubbly Boo-yog! Hell, they'll label literally anything that they can't understand as Boo-yog, since if it's too sophisticated for a goblin to understand, it must be Boo-yog! However, every once in a while, a goblin will find its way drawn into the world of the mystical, and some of that world's arcane power will be harnessed by the might of the greenskins. This magic is almost exclusively arcane, as goblins don't really worship any gods outside of Kurgor-byog, who doesn't like to give up his magic, and goblins don't give a shitty stick about nature, so druids are normally out of the question too. Magic goblins are separated into five distinctions, all of whom are by merit of magic, automatically placed in the lasher cast of goblin society. These distinctions are Boo-yog casters for goblins who've nicked a wizard's book, or somehow copied their hand symbols and invocations, Boo-yog wielders for those goblins who happen to find a magical item, and even more shockingly managed to learn how to use it, Boo-yog whips for Kurgor-byog's special gobbos that he blessed with the power of being able to magically dominate other goblins, often through Kurgi's special fun time whip, the Boo-yog slaves who are goblins that swore an oath to some patron, be it a god, a demon, or even a magic spider, and finally the Boo-yog Boo-yog Boo-yog, which are for goblins who just spontaneously erupted with insanely powerful magic powers, but because they're a goblin they know fuck all how to use it, so every single spell they cast is punctuated by a roll on the sorcerer's wild magic surge table. Practitioners of magic in a goblin society are among the most revered and respected in the clan, often becoming leaders, and even when all of the goblin oids come together and form a host, the leaders still understand the importance of tossing a goblin out of a trebuchet and watching it sail across the sky, all the while flailing its arms, creating magic everywhere, and screaming Boo-yog! Now, if you're interested in playing your own little Gretchen, then you'll be happy to know that Volo's God Demonsters has your back, giving stat blocks to all the goblin oids in the book, including, obviously, the goblin. The normal goblin gets a plus two to dex, a plus one to con, the small size, dark vision, the ability to disengage and hide as a bonus action, and a unique trait known as Fury of the Small, which lets you add your level to your damage once for short rest. In lower level games, Fury of the Small is almost laughable with how useless it is, given that no one really cares if you add three damage to one attack per rest, but once you start hitting mid to late games, adding 10, 15, even 20 flat damage, just because you're so pissed off over being short, is an impressive feat no matter what, and I think that you'll really enjoy being the one goblin in the group that teaches the bad guys to always fear the short ones. But that'll about do it for now. I hope you enjoyed this video. Part two goes over the bug bears and the hob goblins, and part three is going over exactly what happens when the trio of races meet and form a conquering host, so I hope you all enjoy goblins as much as I do. Click that subscribe button to join my conquering host and spam in the comments Boo-yog as often as you would like, but yeah, Davey out.