 Hey Don, Don Quinn, oh I'm sorry, I didn't know you're busy, are you fellas talking business? Well okay, I will sit down for a minute. Look Don, while you're away I've been thinking a lot about you. I know it's none of my business but there's something bothering me. You're a pretty busy guy and I know you haven't had much time to think about that kid of yours, that Johnny. What I've been thinking is that if you want to get him into a good school you have to enter him when he's pretty young. I know you know what you're doing but I just thought that maybe you wouldn't mind the suggestion that you ought to start thinking about it. I know there are a lot of good colleges but it all depends on your viewpoint which way you want to go. Right away you think of Yale, Harvard and Princeton, the Ivy League and speaking of Ivy, there's a little college in the east that you ought to find out about. I think it's a hell of a place. They seem to know what they're doing. In year after year they turn out two-fisted kids that have no trouble at all remembering on which side of the water they live. They've got an interesting faculty there. They stand up for their own opinions although I must admit they don't always agree with it. Gentlemen, I regret that this has been a rather long drawn out session and your restlessness is certainly excusable. However, we have one more item of business on our agenda and an important one. It concerns the reappointment of Dr. Hall as president. It seems to me as chairman of this board that Dr. Hall's record is so eminently satisfactory that there can be no serious obstacle in the way of his confirmation. His six years of service has, Mr. Wellman? Yes. What about Mrs. Hall? What about Mrs. Hall, Mr. Wellman? Well, I'm nothing against the lady personally but it seems to me that, I mean, this is hearsay of course, and I don't ordinarily pay much attention to student... Will you please get to the point, Mr. Wellman, if there is one? There is one. To put it bluntly, there is some doubt in my mind whether a man whose wife is an ex-actress and a musical comedy actress at that is the right woman. I mean, if he is the right man to be president of a college like Ivy with a conservative tradition. Gentlemen, gentlemen, please, please. Mr. Meriwether, Mr. Chairman, I'm not a navy alumnus. I just happen to be a filthy, rich old man who has dropped some fairly large sums of money on your campus. But when I went to a college which shall be nameless, the Prexy had an old battleaxe of a wife. Wait a minute, Meriwether. The dignity of this college. Gentlemen, gentlemen, order, order, please. May I remind you that the appointing of president of this college is a serious matter and any pertinent discussions should also be serious. The question of Dr. Hall's fitness and the character of his family. You see, Don, they're pretty careful. So if you're worrying about your kid, stop worrying. They worry for you. What about those Halls, anyway? Toddie, oh dear, must you pace back and forth like that? Like a hyena in a zoo? A hyena? It's a rather rude comparison, Victoria. A hyena is a filthy animal. If we must be zoological, let me be something a little more noble. A tiger. A lion. That's what you are. The king of beasts. Well, thank you. And like a lion, you must be brave, dear. Now tell me, how do they notify you that you're to be booked for another term? Booked is hardly the word, Victoria. I am not a juggling act. Well, we all have our professional phrases, dear. Sometimes, I think that... Ah, well, here it is. Timoraturis salutami. What does that mean? It means here's mud in your eye from we who are about to be reappointed or not. Latin. Oh, well, let's get it over with. I'll let them in and you'll be busily reading your fan mail or something. Hello, Mrs. Hall. Gee, I'm glad you're home. Can you give me a few minutes? Oh, frankly, pushy. It's rather an awkward time, but what's the trouble? Oh, it's the waltz-clog I'm doing in the Junior Follies. I can't seem to remember it. Would you... Would you brush me up a little? Ask them in, Victoria. Yes, dear. Come in, pushy. Gee, I'm sorry to bother you all the time, Mrs. Hall, but the way you explain things that clear is crystal. Then when I get up at... Well, when I get up at rehearsal, I... Oh, hello, Dr. Hall. Hello, Morgan. Do you bring a message from the Board of Regents? Oh, I know, sir. I don't. I've been trying to teach pushy a dance for the Junior Follies, William, a waltz-clog. He wants to brush up a bit. Well, I say, Victoria, I don't like to seem stuffy, but do you think that just... Oh, I love Mrs. Hall. If this is inconvenient, I mean if Dr. Hall is expecting something important... Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. Please go ahead. After all, this is an institution of learning. Am I in the way? Certainly not, dear. Just stand over there by the piano. Pushy has an unfortunate habit of finging his feet sideways. It makes for a very loose line in the chorus. Now, watch pushy. Yes, ma'am. Now, you see, pushy, you don't toss yourself about too much. Contain yourself, economical movements. Move the shoulders as little as possible. Now, try it. See, it sure looks easy when you do it. Okay. One, two, three, four, five, one, two, three, four. Yeah. No, hold it, pushy. No, hold it. May I say, Morgan, I don't think you do too badly. Well, oh, thank you, sir. I know I'm no Fred Astaire, but Mrs. Hall is a wonderful teacher. What was I doing wrong, Mrs. Hall? Your balance is all wrong, pushy. Now, you must watch how I shift my weight. Now, here's what you were doing. Oh, I think I see what you mean. Look, more like this, huh? Two, three, four. Now, you've got it. That's right, pushy. Now, just practice and practice and practice and just try to think of your upper body and arms wrapped up like a mummy. Be tight. Gee, that does it. I think I know now. Hall, thanks, Mrs. Hall. This is going to be the best show we ever had, Doctor. Well, I'm looking forward to seeing it, Morgan. Are you one of the lead? Oh, he's the lead, William. He sings even better than he dances. I hope. You know, this whole thing scares me to death when I think of opening night and me doing that walks, clogging in front of all these people. Gee, I almost rather be back on Okinawa. Almost, that is. Okinawa? Yes, he was, dear. Now, you keep practicing, pushy, and we'll get to work on that third act scenery the day after tomorrow. Okay, and thanks a lot, Mrs. Hall. Gee, with you handling the dances and the scenery and the makeup and the costumes, this thing is really in the bag. Bye, Doctor. Good day, Morgan. Remember, wrapped up like a mummy. I'm sorry I interrupted your question, Toddy, but pushy doesn't talk much about his war experience. He's got the Medal of Honor, Purple Heart, Silver Star, a few other things, you know. No, no, I didn't know. I'm glad to hear about it. I'm inclined to lose sight of the fact that these are not all youngsters under my care. When I address the student body or any party, I can see how the world has moved since I went to college myself. In my day, we went to college for fun and to fill in a few years between high school and making a living. Some of these young old men have lived more than I ever will. That's why I like my job more than I ever did. Well, it's about time. Shall I accept the reappointment or shall we pick APRICOTS? Just play hard to get for 10 or 15 seconds, dear, then give in gracefully. Dr. Hall's residence? Yes? Oh, that's quite all right. Not at all. Goodbye. Wrong number. What time is it? A few minutes after four. Oh, this is unpardonable. The regents know I'm waiting here to receive the news. My appointment or non-appointment is not at such world-shaking importance as to merit this prolonged discussion, except to me. I think I shall go and... No, no, stop pacing, Toddie. Remember, I don't mind ladders. Very well. Lulu, may I call you Lulu? It will be a little presumptuous. You never saw me as Lulu, which you may count among your blessings. I saw you as Mary and give them tears in London. That's all any man could ask. Give them tears? Oh, how I should love to play it again. It was a lovely play, wasn't it, darling? If you do do it again, I'd like to play the vicar. I could do it, you know. I saw it 27 times. And bought your own tickets on a professor's salary. My sabbatical year turned out to be a theatrical five months. A fool and his money rushed in where an angel was standing in the wings to combine a few metaphors. You were very kind to the visiting American vicar. The visiting American was very refreshing, Toddie. Oh, it was fun teaching you how many shillings in a pound, how to eat fish and chips, and the lamb at walk. Had you noticed me in the audience ever? I mean, before I... I think I saw you every time after the first one. And then the night when my maid told me there was a gentleman to see me. If you'll wait here just a moment, sir, I'll see if Miss Cromwell can see you. She don't hardly ever see visitors between tea and curtain time. Well, I promise I won't keep Miss Cromwell but a moment. I'm sorry if I called at a bad time. Oh, that's all right, sir. Anybody that can get past old Eric and the doorman deserves a bit of a break. How did you manage that, sir? How did I get past the doorman? I don't know. I didn't see any doorman. Oh, well. Just a moment, sir. I'll speak to Miss Cromwell. Dearie, there's a gentleman wants to see you. A yank by the looks of him. What does he want, Penny? I don't know. He didn't say. But he's a pleasant, spoken man and nice looking. None of the ordinary run of backstages. I'll see you. Miss Cromwell, I realize this is perhaps an imposition, but I'm leaving for the United States in a few days and I felt I must tell you something. Yes, Mr. Hall? Or is it Professor Hall? It doesn't matter. What does matter is that I'm not ordinarily much of a theater goer but I have seen you in this very beautiful play twenty-six times. I would feel that I'd been macking in simple courtesy had I not told you in person how much genuine pleasure you've given me. The hours I have spent watching you will be a memory which I shall treasure the rest of my somewhat dull life. I'm most grateful. Mr. Hall, I... this is most... Penny, go away. Yes, Miss. Please sit down, Mr. Hall. Thank you, but I've been told this is a rather inconvenient time to visit backstage. My ignorance of theatrical procedures... Your ignorance of the rules, Mr. Hall, is rather refreshing. And you don't want an autograph photo or an endorsement of some brand of petrol or to discuss a tentative new motion picture over champagne. None of those things. No, I merely wish to say thank you. I might also say that dressing room views of one's favorite actress are popularly supposed to be disillusioning. I'm always glad to help kick a superstition in the head. I'm glad I'm your favorite actress, Mr. Hall, and you're becoming my favorite audience. Tell me, why did you wait so long to come and tell me these nice things? Well, I... I... frankly, I hadn't the courage until tonight. And the thought of going home without hearing you speak to me in person was simply intolerable. So, thank you once more. Oh, no, no, don't go, Mr. Hall. Sit down again. I want to talk to you some more. Anyone who thinks as highly of me as you do and says so, so beautifully is to me a very stimulating conversation, isn't it? Well, Miss Cromwell, I... I wouldn't have mentioned this, but in as much as you have introduced the subject, well... Now, how would you like it inscribed, Mr. Hall? Oh, just say something like with kindest regards to... How did you know what I meant? I think because I wanted you to want it. I'm sorry, I overstayed. What... what was that, the curtain time or overture? Have I... Darling, it's the doorbell. What? Well, I... I didn't mean to stay... Darling! Darling, the doorbell! Answer the doorbell! The doorbell! Oh! Oh, yes, yes! William, you were wool gathering. Yes, yes, I... I guess I was. It doesn't wool make a lovely comfort, eh? What on earth are you talking about? Excuse me, dear. I'll see you at the door. Oh, you were just debating about taking a walk. Now, for ten minutes, we'd probably have been gone. Oh, Victoria, I think you know Mr. Merryweather. Yes, indeed, I do. Good afternoon, Mr. Merryweather. Mrs. Hall, I'm glad to see you. In fact, I'm always glad to see you. Excuse me, Mr. Merryweather, but I'm afraid Mrs. Hall hasn't met Mr. Wellman. Victoria, may I present Mr. Clarence Wellman? How do you do, Mr. Wellman? Mrs. Hall, we haven't met before, formally, but I remember you from 1934, I think, in England, Golders Green, in Lulu's Mad Moment. Was that the one where I played the witch, brewing a wicked broth which turned men into frogs? No, no, no, no, dear. No, Lulu's Mad Moment was where you spent most of the second act on a ladder, remember? That was it, the ladder. I'll have to admit, Mrs. Hall, that you were interesting, but that play, how long did it run? Run, Mr. Wellman, it's much too vigorous a word. It tottered for three days and fell down dead. I saw it on Wednesday. Oh, then you saw it at its peak. It opened on Tuesday, closed on Thursday. Did you have the good fortune to see Lulu's Mad Moment, Mr. Merryweather? No, I didn't, Mrs. Hall, but I saw Give Them Tears five times in New York. I went the first time as somebody's guest, and four times as lots of people's hosts. Thank you, Mr. Merryweather. Good, ma'am, if I'd been a couple of hundred years younger and hadn't a wife who understood me, you'd have found me at the stage door every night with a bunch of emeralds in my hand. I don't like to intrude on your memoirs, gentlemen, but could I serve you any refreshments? You mean tea, Dr. Hall? No, Mr. Wellman, I didn't mean tea. I meant wine, whiskey, gin, or beer, although tea is available. If you care for it so late in the afternoon. Good man. I'd have a bourbon and ranch waller, but my medico says no, thus the old fool. Personally, I'm a tea-totaler, Doctor. I don't approve of drink or of drinking. Well, I'm rarely seen reeling across the campus myself, Mr. Wellman. Could I get you some cherry, Victoria? No, thank you, William. Weren't you gentlemen sit down? No, thank you, Mrs. Hall. We're pretty late, as it is. Apologies for keeping you waiting, Doctor. Waiting for what, Mr. Merryweather? Waiting for what? Don't you realize today is the deadline for your reappointment as President of Ivy? Doctor Hall, good gracious, so it is. William, did you hear? Yes, yes, I did. Well, I'm glad you weren't brooding about it, Hall. Knew you weren't the type to stew around about it. Right temperament for President of Ivy? Always said so. Well, Clarence, you're the committee. Tell the man. Tell the man. Oh, yes, the appointment here. Well, I suppose it has to be settled sometime, one way or the other. Doctor Hall, I have been requested by the Board of Regents to inform you of your reappointment as President of Ivy College for a further term of five years. With more money, too. I'm the committee of one, Merryweather. Well, go ahead and commit. Stop stalling around. For a further term of five years, Doctor, with an increase in stipend of $2,500. Thank you, Mr. Wellman. Come on, Clarence. Night, Doctor, and congratulations to you and to the college. Thank you. Night, Mrs. Hall. And thanks for being so kind and patient with my nephew. Your nephew? Hershey Morgan, Stumblebaum. You've taught him to know his left foot from his right. He's crazy about you. I am, too. Come on, Wellman, what are you stalling around for? Good night, Doctor. Good night, Mrs. Hall. Good night, Mr. Wellman. Good night, Mr. Merryweather. Congratulations, Doctor. Thank you, Lulu. You may come down from the ladder now. Oh, what an afternoon. I promise you I won't go through that again. Won't you, Toddy? Five years isn't so long. Next time I'll be ready for them. I'll be equipped to laugh at them, if you will help. Well, of course, dear, with what? Teach me that waltz claw. I think I might have a flair for that sort of thing. Now, is this the way... No, no. No, look, Toddy. It's like this. Kind of nice people those halls, aren't they? They make me wish Sarah was a boy. If I were you, I don't think I'd hesitate very long. I'd like to have my kid with people like that. You know something? That Mrs. Hall kind of appeals to me. So long, kid. Thanks for the use of the hall.