 Think tech away, civil engagement lives here. To out of the comfort zone, I'm your host, RB Kelly, and I'm really excited about the topic we're covering today. It's actually something that's very near and dear to my heart. But first, the theme of this show is going to be more of a self-defense kind of aspect. And so for that, the body language tip I want to give you this week is all about what to do when you feel like you're being followed. Maybe you're walking home alone. Maybe you're in a group. You're in a little unsafe. Often, the tendency is to don't make eye contact, like just look away, pretend it's not happening, look small, look vulnerable. That's actually one of the worst things you can do. So if you feel like someone is following you or making you feel uncomfortable, or maybe they're about to try and hurt you in any way, you want to turn and make eye contact. One of the messages this sends is that I see you. And if someone's following you, going to mug you, going to attack you in any way, often they are counting on the fact that you won't see them. And eye contact, when you look and you turn and you look at them, that is a way to say, I see you. And if push comes to shove, I can identify you in a police lineup. So if any time you're feeling uncomfortable, make sure you look and clearly see who is making you feel uncomfortable. Make sure you can describe them because that could potentially save your life. Now, our book of the week is in the same similar vein. The book of the week is one of the ones that I've read that I really love. It was introduced to me in high school by my debate teacher who wanted all of us on the team to stay safe even as we were traveling throughout the state. And I loved it so much, I promptly gave my copy to my mom. So my team's about to pull up this book on the camera. You can see it's called The Gift of Fear. It's written by Gavin DeBecca. And this book is all about how you can survive and protect yourself from violence. It talks about your survival instincts. The way you feel fear, apprehension, and what to do when you feel that. So if you have a child in school, if you live by yourself, if you want to keep your family safe in any kind of situation, I recommend that you check out The Gift of Fear. You can buy it online or your local libraries should have it. Now, we are getting to our guests and as soon as I met this guest, I met her a few weeks ago, I knew I wanted to have her on the show. I knew we had to get together. So please join me in welcoming Stacey Knight. Hi, Arby, thanks for having me today. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. So Stacey, can you just explain to our viewers, what is it that you do? Well, Arby, let me ask you a question. Have you ever been in a situation where you felt maybe a little threatened and maybe a little unsure or unprepared about how to handle that situation? Often. Yeah, I think many of us have, whether you're female or male, and that's what I do. I train people in personal self-defense. So my husband and I, David Knight, we own Knight's Karate in Kailua. We teach practical self-defense through traditional Okinawan karate from ages four through adult. And we focus on this practical self-defense and character development. I like that. So it's a mix of practical self-defense and character development. Absolutely. You see, while we would love for every student we have to become a black belt, it's not always realistic depending on the person because we all have special unique talents or differences or areas that we want to pursue. But the life skills of focus, respect, perseverance, not giving up just because things get hard, these are life skills that we carry a child or an adult through life to help them be successful in whatever career path they choose. That is really powerful. We think so. So how did you get into this, Stacey? Well, picture me at about nine years old on a school bus. There was a boy picking on my little brother. He gave me the first bloody nose I ever had. I was shocked. I had no idea what to do. I was not so much scared as surprised. But I knew at that moment I never wanted to allow that to happen to me again. And so the first opportunity I had to take self-defense or join a martial arts, I did. And it empowered me. And that's why I'm passionate because you're training in self-defense. We can empower others. That is so powerful. Thank you. And that's something I hear all the time. Actually from a body language perspective, when you're in a situation where you are threatened, the first instinct is usually not to fight back. It's usually not to run away. The first instinct is to freeze because you're like, what just happened? Exactly. And I think that's so interesting. That's right. And in our culture, especially for women, we're taught to be meek. We're taught to not make a scene just to be good and quiet. And in a life or death situation, that is the exact opposite of what you want to do. You want to address the problem. In a life or death situation, keeping quiet, not making a scene, that can get you killed. Absolutely. Absolutely. And I'm so glad you say that because that's a message I am saying all the time. That's not something you hear a lot in other places. No, it's not. One of the challenges that people face is what you talked about with your book. It's fear. And fear can be a source for negativity or you can turn around and use it as an impetus to help you handle a situation. I ask people to ask themselves, what are you going to do in the middle of the night when you hear your window break and you know someone's breaking in? What are you going to do if a grown man tries to grab you on the street? What are you going to do? Because let's face it. We are blessed in this country with wonderful police and emergency services and we're grateful to have them. They perform a necessary and needed function, but they are not the first responders. You are. I am. And you are. People have to accept that and have a personal acceptance and responsibility for taking charge of their own personal self-defense. That is incredible. That's something I agree with 100 percent. And that's something, it's happened to me where I was walking home from school and I could hear a group of boys behind me and it was just me by myself, there was no one else and it was just me and a group of boys behind me. And there was only a small chance that things could go bad. But if they did, I knew that I was outnumbered. I knew that there was no one else who could help and I knew it was up to me to stay safe. That's exactly right. Nothing happened in that situation, but that fear and that uncertainty that I felt, that told me that I needed to make sure if ever this happened and things went badly that I knew what to do. That's right. So many people have the instinct that something is wrong before any attack ever happens. But in our culture, women in particular, again, are taught to ignore it. Women call it a gut feeling or you know kids might, oh I have the chills, it just fell off. And that's exactly what you want to listen to because your brain processes information subconsciously all day long. I tell my students and friends that I meet, if it feels wrong, it probably is get out of the situation or face it. I love that so much, that's something I teach all the time. But the thing is, your brain really is designed to keep you alive. Like Stacey, you and I are here because our parents had enough survival instincts and their parents and their parents, they lived long enough to pass on their genes to us. Absolutely. We are survival machines. That's right. But in our culture now, there's this idea that if someone makes you uncomfortable, you're the bad person for judging them. If someone does something that makes you feel bad, you are the bad person who's taking it the wrong way. And that's something we see especially directed towards women. Oh, you turned a guy down because he made you feel uncomfortable? Well, you're a B word for being rude to him. You're supposed to be warm and welcoming all the time. But that puts women in actual danger. It puts anybody in danger when they don't listen to their instincts. I think that's one of the things that I loved about the book that I shared with the group is they talk about what you should actually do when you feel that fear instinct. One great tool that you can use that doesn't involve hitting or violence of any kind is just using your voice. You mentioned the beginning of the program using eye contact. Use your voice. It's a weapon too. When you look at a person, who's the mother in our school? She came and listened to our self-defense training and participated in one of our programs. And she was traveling through a mall, store, mother with a stroller, little toddler in the stroller. And she kept noticing what she thought was a man following her. And she said, you know, I was really tempted to ignore it. And she said, but I kept watching and he kept getting closer and closer. And she says, this thing, I turned around, I did what you said. I turned around and said, why are you following me? I was just as loud as I could in the store. And she says, I was embarrassed, but the man turned around and left. So self-defense is common sense, but it's effective. That is so powerful. Because I know there are so many people I've met who in that situation, they feel like their only choice is to shrink down, ignore it, maybe they'll go away, please, please just let them go away. And do they go away? No. You have to tell that predator that you are not an easy target. Most of them, once you speak or give them eye contact, they will go, oh, that lady's a little crazy. I don't want to mess with her. They'll go pick on somebody else or just leave you alone. And that's really what you want. You don't have to fight them off. You don't have to engage in an actual battle. You just want them to know that you are not an easy victim because they'll go pick on someone else. Well, that is a very good point. People ask, oh, so Sissy, have you ever been in a fight? Like, well, yes and no. Most conflicts can be avoided just by practicing situational awareness. Don't park in the dark parking lot where there's no light. Go with a girlfriend. Go with a buddy to wherever you go. It's just using common sense. It really is. And I love what you said earlier about practicing that, what are you going to do if this situation happens? Because in the moment, as soon as something happens and you realize there is something bad is about to happen, your brain, your reasoning, it just shuts off. You start operating on instinct. And if you don't have a plan at that moment, things are just going to go south. Our brains are toolboxes. You have to have some tools put in there and you have to know how to use them. But if there's nothing there, you get the normal human reaction of, exactly. That makes sense. You are so cool. I'm really glad I had you on the show. Thank you. It's a pleasure. This is actually something, growing up, I was always really passionate about self-defense and especially for women. And I would make sure I had a little weapon, like whether it was a little pocket knife or like a bunch of pens. I made sure I was always prepared. Absolutely. And I remember one of my guy friends talked to me and thought it was crazy, thought I was overreacting. And then I told him the statistics, like there are a lot of organizations that study rape, sexual assault, molestation statistics. And they found, one of them found that three out of four women will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime. That's a huge percentage. Huge percentage. And I told that to my friend and he just jaw dropped. He was shocked that it was such a big problem. Because it's really hush-hush. Yep. You're not supposed to talk about it. It's not really a problem. That's what predators do. They hide. They're actually cowards and they're like the bully on the playground. You may still get hurt if you challenge them. But they'll know from then on that you're not going to be easy target anymore. And I think that's really powerful. It is. People have to stand up for themselves. Who else is there? Really? Really? Let's do the math, all right? If there is a situation, say you're walking home, someone drags you into an alleyway. All right. Are you able to call the police? No. Probably not. Let's see. Is there a stand-byer? Is there a person standing by who's willing to help? Probably not. I've seen people are much more likely to turn away and not get involved. They are. They don't want to get involved. They don't want to get hurt either. So it is really up to you. And I know there are a lot of our viewers who are probably like, oh, you're being paranoid. Oh, you're being like, this is a violent mindset. What are some of the criticisms that you face in your line of work? Female on a power trip. But I'd like to quote Dave Grossman. He compared society to a herd of sheep, the sheepdog, and wolves. Most people are the sheep. Yeah. And it's not a negative thing. We just kind of go through life, minding our own business, doing our thing. We don't want to acknowledge that there are wolves out there. Is it scary? It's scary. But with the proper training and with practice, you can go, oh, there is something I can do to at least try to protect myself. And then that's where the sheepdog comes in. So you and I are more like the sheepdog saying, wolf, wolf, get ready. Trying to tell people to prepare themselves, absolutely. And to equip them and empower them because they can if they want to. They can. They can, absolutely. I think it's actually really easy to prepare to stay safe. And when we get back from a really, really short break, stick with us. We'll talk about some more strategies that you can use to keep yourself and your family safe. See you in a minute. Aloha. I'm Kiley Iakina and I'm here every other week on Mondays at 2 o'clock p.m. on Think Tech Hawaii's Hawaii Together. In Hawaii Together, we talk with some of the most fascinating people in the islands about working together, working together for a better economy, government, and society. So I invite you into our conversation every other Monday at 2 p.m. on Think Tech Hawaii Broadcast Network. Join us for Hawaii Together. I'm Kiley Iakina. Aloha. Welcome back to Out of the Comfort Zone. We have a super cool guest. I'm your host, RB Kelly, and I'm here with Stacey Knight. So you know Stacey Knight, she is actually a self-defense expert. She does workshops. She does all sorts of things. And we were just talking about how it's important to make sure you're not going through life blind to the dangers around you because there are dangers out there. You want to make sure you're aware of what could happen and you have a plan for what to do next. So Stacey, what are some of the things you help the people who work with you to do? How do you work with them? Well, you've heard the expression, practice makes perfect. So just repetition and training through our regularly scheduled training programs really helps people move along. For example, we had a young man come into our schools, I'd say junior high age. His mother was very concerned. It's a difficult story. He'd been very bullied at school. His self-esteem was low. The child was anxious. He hate to see children in that situation. But he came in and joined a regular program of training and it's like a light bulb went on in this kid's head. Two years later, he's one of our Black Belt assistants in our dojo. And from a kid who was letting people pick on him, he now escorts his mother through Waikiki and has the confidence to ask stranger if he thought someone was following his mother. Hey, why are you following us? That is so cool. That's powerful. And that empowerment is what we try to teach. And in addition to our regularly scheduled program, a lot of people say, you know, Sacey, I don't have time to come in for regular training every day or twice a week or whatever. And I'm like, that's okay. We offer hands-on workshops for people, seminars where they can come in for half day or full day or three days. We tailor these programs to meet our clients' needs. So whether it's a boys and girls club, church group, women's group, or even a business, we do corporate workshops for professional development and employee enrichment training. So we can tailor it to meet whatever our clients' needs are. That is so cool. And I can tell you, growing up, I really wanted to hear a job. I just think this is so cool. It's great when you hear the stories of how, and it's a really quick turnaround too. It doesn't take a lifetime to learn practical self-defense. You know, one day is enough to give you a few tools that you can use out the door and for the rest of your life. For example, we were working with the New Zealand consulate the other day. Big honor for us. The staff came in and we worked with them. And they left on their lunch break and came back and said, since, that means teacher, by the way, we were walking on the sidewalk and saw these homeless people and no disrespect to homeless people, but they were acting strangely, maybe a little aggressive. And we were practicing our situational awareness and we went on the other side of the street. So that's success, because they were aware of it, they used it, and they kept themselves safe by avoiding the potential risk of being confronted. And that's something a lot of people struggle with, like, we don't want to be mean, we don't want to hurt people's feelings, so we put ourselves in a dangerous situation and sometimes get hurt. Absolutely. You have time for another story? Yes, I do. They tell me. I was on my way to work. And you know how, here in Hawaii, we have to put quarters in at the meter everywhere you go, pretty much. So I'm pulling into my slot and a man on the sidewalk comes by and he's watching me. We'll let that in and of itself, it's not a huge threat, but then he comes and literally drapes his arm over the meter that I have to put quarters in and stares at me. And I'm going, really? You think I'm going to get out of my 2,000-pound weapon with the locked door? I just sat there and looked at him and waited until he left. I made sure he was way down the block before I got out, but that's practical self-defense. I didn't have to deal with the situation. I didn't take the risk. That is so cool, because a lot of the times people would see this and they'd be like, oh, someone's out there. I'm just going to ignore it. I'm just going to ignore it. I'm going to get out. I'm going to get within arms range and I'm just going to put my weapon in the meter. I hope he doesn't bother me. And he could grab you at that point. Absolutely. He could rough you up anything. Ignoring potential threats like that, you see, is like seeing a rattlesnake in your path, stepping over it and praying that it doesn't bite you. It's just not common sense. It's just not common sense. I grew up in southern Utah where we have a lot of rattlesnakes, so this is something we had to deal with a lot. Absolutely. And you had a plan. You see the rattlesnake, you go the other direction and you suddenly rise. You see the threat. Avoid it. Avoid it. Absolutely. And we had some people who would think, oh, you have to go after, like with a shovel. Let's have rattlesnake for dinner. I'm like, that is a really stupid thing to do. And I think it's the same because a lot of people have this idea that in martial arts, it means you know how to fight people, so you go out and fight people. Oh, that's a very good point, Armie. You know, people ask me, oh, so if you're a black belt, you have to go fight people and win all these fighting tournaments and everything. And I tell people, you know, all martial arts are good. They have some good focus that you can learn and grow in, but it depends on what you want to learn. We are not a sport. We train a practical self-defense for real life to equip people with the skills to face their daily life. That is so cool. Yeah. You don't have to fight. Now, sometimes push comes to shove. You may have to employ those skills to an extreme level, but if you're paying attention, most of the time you can avoid it. I love that so much. So how can people work with you? Like what part of the island are you on? Where can we find you? We are located in Kailua. We have a studio there. We've been there for five years. It's a very easy way to contact us is just to go to nightscrawdykailua.com and go on our contact page and fill out the form. And I personally will call you back for night 2, 2, 7, 2, 5. I like that. Absolutely. So you've got classes. Do you have classes for specific age groups? Yes. We work with children ages four through adult. And this year we're offering our first annual summer camp for children ages six to 17 who have to have no prior experience whatsoever. So it's a great way to introduce them to the concepts of character development and self-defense. And they have a whole lot of fun doing it with the other activities, games, craps. You name it. They have a great time. I like that. That is awesome. So viewers, if you have a kid who maybe they're having a hard time at school, maybe they're acting out, maybe they need a little more focus, a little more self-control or just some confidence. Absolutely. I feel like this boot camp would be a great thing for them to do this. It would. It's our first, it's in the third week of June and we have a click to register button on our home page. Very simple to sign up. Perfect. Yeah. All right. So we've got about five, seven minutes left in the course. Can you tell me a little bit more about what it was like starting out and building your self-defense business? It seemed a natural process for my husband and I being traveling around the country in the military for 20 plus years. We had two other schools in different locations. So we collectively have about 62 years of training and life experience to put together in this. You know, with any endeavor, there's a lot of hard work involved. But we knew what we were doing. We had to develop the reputation and get the word out in the community. Trying to let the community know that we're here to help with those self-defense needs. I think that is so cool. There is such a need for this. There is. In schools today, educators have, I think, one of the most difficult jobs they could possibly have. I have so much respect for them. I did that job for one year and that job was not for me. You needed to have a degree in drill sergeantry to maintain discipline. In fact, at the risk of sounding controversial, public schools, any school system, because they don't want kids to fight, and no one does. I'm not promoting fighting, but they actually empower bullies by punishing both the victim and the bully. I think you're right. If they could, and it takes more time, it takes more effort, and they're already so overtaxed with responsibilities at the school, it's hard to judge those things or be fair in those situations because, you know, kids, he said they did. It's hard to judge. And if they could empower the child to stand up for themselves and not punish them for doing so, there'd be a lot less bullying going on in our schools. I think you're absolutely right. And even more controversial. So there are so many attacks going on at schools. And you see kids who are isolated, who are having issues, and then they reach out and they hurt the people around them. And it seems like, I'm sure a lot of our viewers are thinking, oh, don't send like bad kids to karate and teach them how to fight, but I think it would actually make a difference because it sounds like in your classes, people learn how to belong. They learn focus. It definitely does build a community. Now, trading in martial arts is not a fix it for everything, but it is definitely a good route to try because the kids are disciplined. They are required to follow a strict code of behavior. And if they don't, they don't get to participate. So there's accountability built in there. But you also have the support of your instructors and your fellow classmates. And students can find that unlike school or other team sports, they can learn and grow at their own pace. So it takes a whole lot of pressure off of the student. We had a young man come to us one time. He's failing in school. His mother was very concerned. And because he was failing, you know how things just have a ripple effect in life? Well, then he started being a behavior problem in school. It was just getting out of hand. And he said, since he can, you work with him. Well, of course I'll work with him, you know? So he came in and I said, you know, you like karate. Yes, and say, I like karate. You have to maintain at least a C average in school to do karate. And just that incentive was enough to help him want to learn, was enough to help him try to curb his behavior. He became a B student. His mother was tickle to death. And he was proud of himself. And what was rewarding to me as a teacher was about eight years later, I came across this child again. He still had his picture of him and I from that many years ago. He said, say, I'm still doing good in school. Oh my gosh, what a difference that makes. That's why we do it. You know, it's the reward of helping empower people. Because that's a lifetime result. That kid carries that lesson with him for the rest of his life. And anywhere he goes in life in whether he takes a corporate job, whether he's dealing with people. Absolutely. He'll have those skills. Absolutely. That's great. I think that's so powerful. So viewers, if you are wanting for yourself or for your family to learn self-defense, to learn a little more discipline, or even just to be a little more active, I would really encourage you to reach out and visit Stacy Knight's karate website. What is the website again? Knight's Karate Kailua.com. Knight's Karate Kailua.com. Thank you viewers. Please check that out and as always, stay safe. Have a wonderful week and I'll see you next time. Thank you.