 Well fellas, we're new ball game. Uh, not really, Coach. We've still got the same number of players. Court's different, but the ball game is pretty much still the same. We want more games! We want two games. Two. I guess you could say we've fought our way up from the bottom of the barrel to the lower tenth of the barrel. Well, we have no player! Guess that means that won't be called rookie anymore, though. Heh heh. Um, actually rookie... MacDougall isn't a new player. He's a veteran we traded for Jacques. Technically, you still have less experience. Wait, what? Coach, is that true? Don't ask me! I try not to get too involved with the players. Not really any of my business. But you're the coach! Exactly! I like to concentrate on motivation! Oh yeah, you know, because I feel really motivated right now. Hey, Mick! Ugh! What's his name again? MacDougall. Hey, Mick Chicken! How long have you been in the league? Me? Oh, about two years. That's how it's ups and downs, but overall... No, Tank! I'm talking to the other guy! Be quiet! I want you to be quiet. What? Why don't you ask him? Oh, I'm not talking to you! I'm talking to him! You say so. Hey, he wants you to be quiet again. Chatterbox. Know you with the funny helmet! How long have you been in the league? Monthneth. But you're not really wanting the specifics, like... You just want to know whether I got more time in the game than you do. Heh, whatcha do? I understood him, less than I understood Jacques! Indeed. At least Jacques is on the French team now, where people speak his native language. Jacques was French? Of course! What do you mean, of course? How was I supposed to know that? His name was Jacques. He spoke with a ridiculous French accent. His last name was LaFrench. He wore a beret in the shower. Hiya, fellas! Hey, commissioner. What do you want? Well, not by that, I see. Wow, anyway, I'm here to tell you that your team has been disqualified from play for this season. Thanks! What? What? Does that mean our pay has been suspended? Of course! What? You don't even know what that word means. It means we're not playing this season. Exactly. If we haven't even played, the word you said... Tank, please, I will draw you a picture later. Then I will look at that picture. He's right! How can we be disqualified? There haven't been any games played. Well, it turns out that one of your players used a banned substance. What? Really important. The specifics of what got his ban from the season. It's like McFinnigan or McRib or something. You mean, Mc... Geez, use the controlled substance in the league of the zero-tolerance policy. I did for him. Yeah, bad move on your part. You approved the trade. How do you think I knew where to find him? How exactly can we be disqualified if he hasn't even played for us yet? Once again, I'm going to have to refer you to the zero-tolerance policy, or not-o-tolerante for our Spanish listeners. Also, you have to forfeit your last game from last season. That's when he tested positive. He didn't play for us last season. No, he played for the league champions. Did you see the championship game? McDaddy was great in it. So, shouldn't they forfeit the game? No, they're the champions. And he's on your team. I feel like we've covered this already. Zero-tolerance. I think we lost our last game. Didn't we? Probably. Well, just pick any way they random and make it a loss. If the league has a zero-tolerance policy... Have to uphold the image of the sport. Right. Can't have any embarrassments. Heaven's no. Then why are you still commissioner? Pardon me? You, you're still commissioner. You orchestrated that whole league team fiasco. You bankrupted the league. Yes, then I'll look up to us a bit of a catch-22. I probably shouldn't have named it the SS irony. You killed a player. You made us learn new words. It's true that was a problem, but the league needed strong leadership to guide us through all those troubled waters. Troubled waters? You were the one that was responsible for that. Yes, but a good leader knows how to delegate responsibility. That's not what that phrase means. You delegate responsibilities, not the responsibility. Fellas, we're not here to discuss my mini-failings. Weird. And our zero-tolerance policy. Have I mentioned that yet? We have some colorful brochures you can review. McIntosh! Yeah? Front and center. Hey, Coach, what can I do you for? We know about your little problem. Wanna talk to you about it. Glad us disqualified, you jerk. And you made everybody learn what that word means. Mostly everybody. Oh, no. Bugger me, I knew this was gonna happen. Hey, we're not here to beat it up on him. He has a problem. And Team Slipspace sticks together. We're gonna help you through this, McDougal. Oh, I? Really? You mean it like? I don't understand what you just said, but we're gonna get you some counseling. Someone to help you with your problem with. What did you test positive for? Grenades. Your problem with grenades? Wait, what? He's been using grenades on the court. Uh, um, so ashamed. And it should be. Admitting I'm right is the first step to recovery. Grenades? Oh, I give up. Giving up is the second step. Becoming an interstitial maniac is the third. The fourth step, of course, is the landing. You can stop there to rest. If you agree to give up half your paycheck, you can take the escalator. Stu Stuman here with a scandalous new tape for last year's Grif Bowl between the Harvest Kings and the new Mombasa bossa nova bosses. Through high-definition ultra-mega slow motion, you can clearly almost see that a player is throwing a handheld metallic device to cause an explosion. Our forensic experts here at UNS in sports think this could possibly be a grenade or a very angry pineapple. I think I can see it. I see it too. It's right there next to his foot. No, that's his other foot. So it's under that? That's the ground. Yeah, I definitely see it. What are you talking about? It's right there. It's plain as day. I saw it at regular speed. Clearly, this could have major implications for this player's team. And that team is Slipspace. Ah, come on, he wasn't even playing for us when he did that. The TV man can't hear you. Oh, if I yell loud enough, he can. You gotta be kidding. You may remember Team Slipspace from, well, from nothing actually. They kind of stink. Hiya, boys. Season started today. You missed your first game. Now that's gonna be a forfeit. I thought you said we were disqualified from all our games. Disqualified from winning? You still have to play, of course. That just makes sense. We have to play in games we can't win? Yes. Otherwise, you get a forfeit. He would give us a disqualification and a forfeit? Of course. The marketing department is working on a new word to describe that. So far, we like disqualifart. Sounds a little racy, though. Gotta think of the kids. We wouldn't be able to make t-shirts and plushies. Do you think the kids would like to squeeze a disqualifier plushie? I know I would. I'm not learning any more new words. Everyone's a critic. How do you feel about forfail? How about disqualifitfine? I like it, because it's easy to remember. I mean, this situation. Maybe you should have thought about that before you took on a player with a substance abuse problem. Good needs aren't a substance. They're a weapon. And we have a zero tolerance policy. What is that? Pardon me, getting a call, BRB. Go for the commish. Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh. Someone on the new Mombasa bossa nova bossa used a grenade in their opening match. Aye, that was part of our training camp. So they forfeit and get disqualified, too. Right? Well, they are the league champs, and that would be bad for business. What happened to zero tolerance? As in me, we just expect someone to quit cold turkey. That's exactly what that means. Well, how do you guys feel about another trade? Forget it. Well, I guess it's time to revisit that policy. Maybe a one tolerance attitude would work better. Doesn't sound quite as catchy, though. So, do we get to play? Yes, you can play. Yeah, one game behind after one game. Just like every other season. Well, come on, guys. Let's start practicing. You didn't know the hell of an addiction. Thank you for watching this episode of Red vs. Blue. If you want to check out more, go to Roosterteeth. It's an app. It's a website. It's a lot of stuff.