 Hello again, I am James Swannick and today we are talking to Steve Straub, a 45-year-old from Montville on the east side of Connecticut towards Rhode Island. He is a field application scientist who manufactures research instrumentation and he's about 120 days alcohol-free and he went through our Project 90 program to quit alcohol and I think he's feeling pretty good. Steve, how you feeling, mate? Yeah, feeling great, James. Thanks. So tell us a little bit about your your life and who you are and where you are and what was going on with drinking. Yeah, so I guess it was a fortuitous time for you to reach out to me by email and for me to see you on Facebook. You know, I this happened in March of this year, 2020 and I was getting close to my 45th birthday so kind of getting to that sort of midlife stage where I started really evaluating, you know, what do I see in the next half of my life? And, you know, have always been a very high achiever at work and so, you know, I was doing really well at work, but you know, felt like the sort of personal side was lacking a bit so I was more focused on being successful at work and sort of taking myself for granted. So, you know, my health started slipping. I have a job where I travel quite a bit and so spending lots of time driving up to Boston and places like that, staying in hotels, eating out. So, you know, weight definitely started coming on and you know, just sort of found that I was sort of drinking more regularly than not. So, you know, drinking was sort of the normal habit. So having, you know, some wine at night just to kind of relax after a busy day or after traveling, deal with the sort of normal stresses of daily life. And, you know, just sort of, you know, when this whole COVID thing hit and it started working from home some more, it just really became sort of an opportunity for me to sort of re-evaluate where I was and really what I wanted to achieve in the next half of my life. And I felt that, you know, drinking while I was still performing well at work, I felt like it was holding me back from doing some of the things that I wanted and, you know, getting in shape again and being healthier, having better relationships and really being able to function at 100%. So even though I was doing great at work, you know, I felt that I could do even better and get more personal satisfaction. And so that's really why I, you know, ultimately contacted you and, you know, enrolled in the program and here I am after four months. Yeah, amazing. What was your drink or what were your drinks of choice when you were drinking and just, you know, how much of it were you drinking and how many nights per week? Yeah, so typically drinking wine. You know, if I was traveling, I'd probably go to beer just because, you know, less expensive when you're going out. But yeah, drinking wine at night. I'd say, you know, most nights, so maybe six nights a week. And it would vary depending on, you know, the situation. If I was really stressed, if I had something that was really kind of going on that was causing a lot of stress and anxiety, I'd definitely drink more than, you know, if I weren't. I wasn't really a social drinker, but certainly, you know, in certain situations. Social situations I would, you know, drink and it would definitely be more than probably I should have never caused any problems. Fortunately, I never had any sort of, you know, issues with anything, but just felt that it was really holding me back. And so that's why I wanted to make a change. Were you drinking red or white and were you having like, like a couple glasses a night, a few glasses a night? I used to drink when I started drinking wine, I started with red. And I actually really like red. I actually, when I was doing drug discovery research in for a large pharmaceutical company, I actually went down to Australia for a couple of weeks to work in a lab down there. So I was in South Australia, stayed in Adelaide, got to do a whole bunch of wine tours, go to the Barasa Valley and was really into red wine. And then started finding that it would just really sort of dehydrate me, make me very congested and stuff like that. And so I guess at the time, you know, it wasn't, you know, quitting wasn't an option. And so I switched to white wine, which I found didn't have those, those other effects of making me dehydrated and congested as much. So it was sort of, I guess at that point I should have realized that, you know, really probably better to cut it out altogether. But, you know, just wasn't wasn't the time for me, I guess. You know, red wine actually has the most number of toxins. Red wine and beer has equal amount of toxins of any alcoholic drink. And they're, they're the worst. So, so you're saying, I was having, you know, just a couple of red wines, a couple of beers. Essentially, what you're saying is, oh, you know, it's just having a couple of the worst number of toxins I possibly could have or consume. And it's, it's true, isn't it? Because people think these are so innocent, right? Like they're seemingly innocent glass or two, you're at the hotel. Maybe, you know, you're staying there on business. You go down to the hotel bar and you maybe you have dinner and you order a wine or a couple of beers or a couple of wines. And you're actually unknowingly pouring like just a huge number of toxins down your throat, which then compromises your sleep. And then you wake up in the morning not feeling at your best, which of course then compromises your ability to do your, your profession and your job to the best of your ability. Yeah. And I think, I think with wine as well, it sort of has this sort of air of sophistication about it. You know, there's all the wine ratings and tastings and all this. And it, it almost makes you think, well, you know, and it's got, you know, red wine, they claim it has some health benefits. And you're like, well, it can't really be all that bad, right? I mean, maybe it has some health benefits. And so, you know, if a little bit's good, it's probably more is even better, right? Some of the, it's some of the most clever marketing nonsense I've ever seen. I have to say, it's like, I've got a friend, my cousin of mine, David Swannick, he lives in London. And he's a, he's a restaurant and wine connoisseur. He loves fine dining. And, you know, he goes on waiting lists at restaurants for two years just to be able to go and enjoy the experience of eating food and having wine. And even he admitted to my brother recently, conceded to my brother recently, he goes, ah, all these wine tasting things. It's all bougie crap, isn't it? It's all just really nonsense. But, you know, it can be fun nonsense, but you just have to appreciate that, you know, while you're sitting there with this glass and kind of smelling it and talking about the flavors of the oak and the bark or whatever. I don't know, all that kind of stuff. I'm sure it's the ceremony is very pleasurable and enjoyable for people. But just know, nonetheless, you are still pouring toxins and poison down your throat. It's just attractively packaged poison. It's all packaged into ceremony. And it's all packaged into these beautiful bottles and it's packaged into these great stories. You know, like all the advertising for wine and for liquor, you know, you can see them in those big oak barrels and they say, you know, beautifully kept in these oak barrels for 50 years. And it's got this slow motion camera moving across them. And they have the family who's crafted them, who've put the vineyard together and they share that. I mean, it's beautiful. They're beautiful stories. They really are. But just know that it's still toxins. They're still poison. Yep, it definitely is. And you, I think you realize that once, once you stop and you start, you know, just sort of being able to appreciate the things that are around you every day, that that really becomes your high, you know, life itself just becomes your high. You start feeling so much better. You wake up in the morning and you're ready to go and take on the day and accomplish whatever you have on your to-do list and really start, you know, kind of just being present with yourself and your surroundings and the people around you. And I find that that just brings so much joy than just sort of sacking out on the couch at night drinking wine. It's just, it just takes it to a whole another level. You shared a story when we spoke a couple of weeks ago when we were celebrating your 90 days straight alcohol free. You're sharing a story about how your mum in New York was selling her house and your aunt was living in an apartment nearby, I think, and your aunt was 80. And there were furniture men who were trying to, or she wanted the couch moved with the furniture men couldn't come and then you jumped in. You want to share that story and what that has to do with you being alcohol free? Yeah, definitely. So yeah, my mother's in the process of selling her house, you know, looking at downsize. And so I've been going down to Long Island and, you know, helping her through that process, helping her pack and move stuff. And I was down there one day and, you know, she talks to my aunt pretty regularly. So they were talking while I was there. And, you know, my aunt had mentioned that she had just moved into a new apartment. And when the movers put the couch and she has these big heavy couches, they actually blocked the only air conditioner in her apartment. And it was quite hot and humid at the time. And she was like, oh, you know, it's not too bad. I just open the windows and, you know, whatever. And it's fine. I can deal with it. And, you know, I was just thinking to myself and here I was in sort of the middle of tearing my mother's house apart and filling up a huge dumpster and cutting up furniture and doing all this stuff. And I said, this is silly, you know, I could literally go over there and solve this problem in five minutes and she would be comfortable. And I'm, you know, I'm not going to let her just sit there at 80 some years old and sweat in an upstairs apartment. And so I just had this sort of, you know, this clarity that the energy to be able to say, okay, I've got all this other stuff that I need to do at my mother's house but I'm going to take a half hour or an hour and just go over and solve this problem because I know it will literally take me two minutes to do what needs to be done. And so without her even knowing I went over there, knocked on her door. She was kind of looking down the stairs to figure out who this guy was at her door because she didn't even know I was coming. And yeah, went to her apartment literally took me all of 10 seconds to push the couch over. But it was something that she couldn't do on her own, because it is a big heavy couch and, you know, it just, it wasn't even the action of doing, you know, moving the couch it was just kind of showing that somebody cares enough to take time out of their day, you know, somebody cares about you enough to take time out of their day to come over and do this for you. And, you know, somebody cares, and people are here to help you when you need it. And, you know, the nice thing about it was not only did that get accomplished but, you know, we sat for about half an hour and just talked. And it was really great. We were able to catch up. I hadn't seen her in a little while. And it was just a great experience. And the thing I noticed, even later that day, she came over to my mother's house. I have another aunt who came in from New Jersey who had some stuff to do in the area. And we just had lunch together. It was really just sort of a nice, you know, sat and talked. And the thing that really struck me is, you know, for the first time I think in a while, I was really present in the situation just sort of enjoying the company. You know, thinking how much these people mean to me and how much they've impacted my life. And it was really, you know, just really a nice day. I think, you know, I actually I know if I were drinking and I felt kind of crummy or I was tired or, you know, you kind of wake up in the morning and I can't wait for lunchtime to roll around because maybe then I'll start feeling better. And, you know, here it was just being totally present in the moment and being able to really enjoy the, you know, the situation and the people that I was in the situation with. Yeah, beautiful. What were some of the things that you started doing as a result of being alcohol-free during those 90 days, which is now 120 days? What are some of the new habits that you formed or the new actions that you took that you could have taken when you were drinking? But you didn't. It was only until you were alcohol-free that you took action on those things. So what were some of those things? Yeah, so there's actually been a lot. You know, I think part of it is, you know, I would kind of group it into sort of, you know, passive and active. I think the passive things that I've noticed, like I mentioned, are just being more present. And really when you're, you know, when I'm going through daily activities, whether it's stuff I'm doing on my own or with other people, just being more present in the moment and really enjoying that time, not looking forward to, you know, the next thing I have to do or, you know, oh, you know, if I get home, it's, you know, it's 12 o'clock. So in five or six hours, I can go have my wine and, you know, it's really being more present in the moment. And then, you know, the active things, I mean, you know, one thing that I started doing, which was really kind of huge for me is I started biking. So we had, you know, a couple of people on the program who are pretty avid cyclists and, you know, I would be on the zoom calls with them and hear them, you know, kind of talking about their rides and we're posting videos of their rides and, you know, places that they were going on their rides and I had biked in the past when I was in grad school and I enjoyed it, but really got to the point health-wise and weight-wise where, you know, I kind of convinced myself that there's really no way I can do that. I'm just so overweight and, you know, I feel crummy every day because I'm hungover or I just, you know, not even so much hungover, just that sort of mental fog that you get from drinking. And, you know, what I saw through these other people is that, you know, no, I could really do that. And I had the energy and desire now to actually do it. So, you know, I went and bought a new bike and just started riding and found that I really enjoy it. And really when I don't get to go, I kind of get sort of antsy and I'm looking forward to the next time I can get out and ride. And, you know, before this program, I never would have done that. I mean, it really would have, it just, physically, I just wasn't capable of doing it. And that's really kind of led to, you know, also a focus on, you know, diet and health. You know, before it was like, well, why would I even care what I'm eating? Because I could diet all I want. But, you know, drinking all these calories and wine and it's having also other effects beyond the calories that are, you know, making me overweight and unhealthy. So, without getting rid of that, there's really no reason to even focus on diet or exercise. And so now that I no longer drink alcohol, I can focus on those things and I have started focusing on those things. You know, I bought an elliptical for my house because all the gyms are shut down right now. And so, you know, between biking and doing that, I can stay active. So really just kind of having that focus to say, no, you know, I don't have to be stuck in this rut. I don't have to continue to be overweight. I can get back to where I used to be and totally change my life and the things that I'm able to do physically. What do you feel was a contributing factor to you remaining alcohol-free for those 90 days and beyond that you didn't have when you may have tried to stop drinking alcohol previously? Yeah, I think a big thing was accountability. You know, in the past when I had stopped, I never told anybody. You know, I didn't tell my wife, I didn't tell anybody else. I just said, yeah, I'm kind of feeling crummy lately, so I think I'm going to, you know, kind of cool it for a while. But there was no sort of repercussions if I started again. You know, I had just sort of said it to myself. And with Project 90, you know, you're accountable to, you know, you and your coach and to the other project members, right? So you're on a Zoom call and, you know, you really don't want to be the one who has to come on the call in front of everybody and say, yeah, you know, I messed up and, you know, I drank this week and I feel really crummy about it. And, you know, what you see is that, you know, people who have had those situations come up, you know, every single person that's had them come up says, I did it and I hated it. You know, it just, I don't know why I did it or I had some specific reason I did it, but, you know, it just made me feel lousy and I realized that I'm so much happier without that. And, you know, so it's the accountability and also the support. You know, you and Kevin are so supportive to everyone and then the other group members, you know, on the Zoom calls, everyone talks to one another. Everybody, you know, shares their experiences and things that have worked for them, things that they're working on and they want to improve about themselves. And so it's this whole sense of community that you know how this entire community is supporting you and your journey and you could reach out to anybody if you ever want to talk about anything. If you have something that's bothering you, chances are somebody else has already brought it up on one of the calls and you could reach out to them and talk about it. So really that sense of community for me was a huge benefit and one of the big reasons that I really stuck with it. Have people in your life noticed a shift in you, whether it's your mother or your aunt or friends or colleagues or a boss or a staff member or the barista at the Starbucks? Has anyone proactively said something about anything that they notice in you since you've been alcohol free? Yeah, but you know, the big thing I think, and I think this is true for a lot of people, you get really good at hiding what you're doing. You know, when I was drinking, really the only person who knew how much I was drinking was my wife because she was here with me all the time. So she would see it at night and she was, you know, she was concerned, she knew it wasn't healthy. So I think for me, you know, I think I noticed the change the most because I was kind of good at hiding it. I was still kind of performing well and, you know, very successful. But it's definitely made a huge difference and my wife has definitely noticed it as well. I mean, she's, you know, she's said that I just seem, you know, a lot happier. I used to get very irritable because I found that, you know, every day I just didn't feel well. You know, it's almost like you feel sick almost on a daily basis. You're just tired and foggy and so these little things that, you know, would come up in daily life would be a big annoyance. I mean, I think I shared with you early on that, you know, stupid things like you go in and put your shoes on and you find that there's a knot in the shoelace. And that could become this whole big thing that could, you know, just set me off for like the rest of the day because I had a knot in my shoelace, right? And it just so, you know, uncontroquential to everything. But it would just, it was just this little irritant that, you know, with everything else that was going on with your body and how you felt, it just would set me off. And now I find that those things just, you know, you're like, oh, okay, let me get the knot out. You know, it's just such a change in terms of being able to just let things roll off my back, you know, not get sort of worked up about things. And now it's to the point that, you know, my wife has a very hectic work schedule and, you know, my daughter is seven years old and, you know, she always looks to my wife to help her with things or do stuff for her. And I'm even at the point now where I'm helping her when she gets worked up over something, I can kind of vocalize, look, this is the situation, this is why it's not a big deal. And this is how we can solve it very easily. And it's just a massive change in a matter of just a couple of months. I just think it's just amazing how big of a change it's been. What do you feel like your perception of alcohol itself is now? Do you, when do you, or do you get urges to still drink on occasion? You know, how do you view alcohol now and how do you view your relationship with it now? Yeah, that's a great question. Because it is so prevalent. Yeah, I mean, you see it in media all the time. You can't really go out anywhere without passing, you know, multiple liquor stores or, you know, seeing advertisements for alcohol. And it really does make you realize when you think about your slogan of attractively packaged poison, that it really all is marketing. They're just trying to get you to spend your money on their product regardless of what it does to you. You know, for me, there are thoughts about, you know, sometimes, oh yeah, it'd be nice to have a glass of wine. And it kind of, I find that my mind kind of goes back to those times where I associated it with being relaxing and sort of taking the edge off the day. But the amazing thing is, they're really just thoughts like any other thoughts now. So, you know, the desire or the thought of, yeah, I'd like a glass of wine. It's really no different than the thought of, oh, it's a nice day out, or yeah, it's really sunny today. It's just a thought. And, you know, if there is any little bit of urge associated with it, it passes in just a few seconds. And one of the things you've learned on the program is that, you know, you ultimately don't want to drink, right? You don't really care about drinking or anything like that, but you just want to change your state. You want to feel happy or you want the stress or anxiety to go away. And you can do that so many different ways. And for me, it's really been, you know, I can read a book and get the same effect. I can meditate and get the same effect. I can go for a bike ride and get such a better effect because I'm out in nature and getting fresh air and exercise. So it's just that we associate the drinking with our desire to change our mental state. And what you realize in the program is you can do that in so many different ways that are not only counterproductive, but they're actually healthy, right? You're getting rid of the poison that you're putting in the body that is just putting you in that spiral of constantly being anxious or feeling lousy and actually replacing it with healthy habits that are improving your life. What's the plan now, Steve? What's the next goal? I mean, you've hit 90 days now. You're close to 120 days alcohol-free. So you've managed to do almost a whole month without getting the support of the group, at least of the Project 90 program where you've got access to calls and to coach and you get a daily video and a daily text and all that kind of stuff. So you've been out of that kind of hands-on support now for almost a month. How are you feeling and what's the next goal? And what are your plans for the future? Yeah, so still feeling great. I've decided for myself that this type of program really works well for me. I really enjoy the sense of community that we have in this program and the Zoom calls and seeing everybody on a regular basis. So for me, I've decided to join the alumni program so that I can be on a call once a week and see people that I've interacted with already in the program and also meet some new people. And for me, it's just sort of a constant reminder of the things that I want to accomplish. And it's just sort of helping to put myself in the mental state to accomplish those things. For me, I definitely want to work on my health, getting back in shape, losing weight, getting back to where I was 10 years ago before lots of stuff kind of spiraled out of control. I think for me, one of the things that really kind of led to weight gain and drinking heavily was when my father was diagnosed with cancer. It was a very stressful time. You know, ultimately, unfortunately, it was a poor outcome. But that really, I think, kind of set me back a bit. It was kind of a way to deal with the stress that was happening at the time was to drink and try and just drown it out. But I've realized that, you know, it didn't do any of that. It just made things worse. And it's really kind of led to where I am now. So yeah, my focus is, you know, getting back in shape, losing a bunch of weight, being able to do things physically that I haven't been able to do. I have a seven-year-old daughter who was very active and always running around. And, you know, it'd be great to just have that sort of downless energy that I could keep up with her every day. And, you know, really kind of think of back to my childhood and, you know, the memories that I still have from that and how big of an effect a parent has on their child. I didn't want her seeing me drinking every day, even though she's still, I think, a bit too young to really know, you know, what it is. But I kind of envisioned that carrying on until she got older. And I didn't want her growing up with thinking that that was okay or something to have, you know, as a habit, because I know it doesn't lead to anything good. So, you know, I'm glad that now that that's, you know, not something that she sees, she won't have that in her daily life. And hopefully that will be positive for her going forward. Yeah, amazing. It's, I always say to people in the program, you know, you come in initially wanting support and getting support and wanting to be inspired and getting to be inspired. And there's a shift somewhere along the line there where you end up inspiring others and you end up motivating others and you, you know, you'll always be a student and always be a learner. But you also become the teacher and the master and the mentor to other people. And then a lot of times it's not even you like counseling people or telling them what to do. It's just they see your way of being the new way of being the new Steve. And whether it's conscious or whether it's unconscious, they're thinking, oh, I want to be more like Steve. I like that. Oh, I can take part of that. I'm going to try that. Or I'm inspired by what Steve's doing. And then that leads to them being inspired to do something. And again, sometimes it's unconscious. Sometimes they don't actually consciously realize what they're doing, but you are affecting people by your way of being. Good or bad. And I just want to acknowledge you, Steve, for playing full out with us in the in the Project 90 program. And we're always supporting other people and for being such a great positive energy. And yeah, you've come a long way and I and I'm certain that you're going to continue to make massive transformation in your life around, you know, you mentioned you wanted to lose some weight and be more active, be more present, be an even better role model for your daughter. But maybe I'm sure be a better husband for your wife, be a better person in your company and just continue on the path. So thanks for playing full out. And I so acknowledge you for your progress so far, mate. Thanks, James. It's been a great journey so far and look forward to continuing it. Thanks for listening to the Alcohol Free Lifestyle podcast. I want to load you up with some free stuff right now. So if you want to go to JamesSwanick.com slash guide, I will send you my quit alcohol guide, which has helped six figure entrepreneurs and top professionals produce or quit drinking. You can also text the word quit guide to the number 44222 if you're in the US, of course, it doesn't really work anywhere outside of the US. But if you're in the US on your mobile phone and you'd like that guide, text the word quit guide to the number 44222. Or you can go to JamesSwanick.com slash guide. 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