 Okay, so if you want a man to feel a deep emotional connection with you that ultimately makes him fall madly in love with you and you want him to chase you and pursue you and have kind of this momentum, this energy movement towards you which we just talked about recently it's very, very important and if you want a man to think about you when you're not around and you know get all lovey-dovey with you and want to be romantic with you and all those kinds of amazing awesome things that is what we are going to be talking about today. Hello my name is Matthew Coast and welcome to Commitment Connection. Here with me today is the beautiful and lovely Helena Hart. Say hello Helena. Hey everyone I'm so excited to be here I can't wait to dive into this topic. Yeah and if you don't know Helena she has been with me she actually helped me create this channel that we're on right now she's been a huge you know honestly she was probably such a major factor in helping build and grow this channel to what it is today so I'm just incredibly grateful for Helena I'm grateful for all the advice and help that she's given and I'm grateful for her presence I'm grateful for her being such an amazing friend and I'm just so thankful that you're here with us right now Helena and going to be giving everybody such awesome advice she's a if you don't know she's she's a feminine energy expert and so thank you so much for being here. Oh my gosh anytime you are welcome and yeah I just cannot have enough words to express my appreciation and love and it just I just this is amazing I'm so happy to be here I don't know what I would have done if we hadn't started I don't know what I'd be doing right now so this is just like the best thing that's probably ever happened to me in terms of you know getting my message out there so yeah so happy to be here and connect with all the amazing women in our community too. Yeah absolutely and also if you're if you're here and you like Helena's message and you like what she talks about make sure that you go and check out her program over at feminine enchantment.com it's called feminine enchantment you can get it at feminine enchantment.com and so today we're gonna be talking about three feminine traits that make men addicted to you emotionally connected and addicted to you and the first one is something we call experiencing the moment so what is experiencing the moment Helena. Yeah great question and this is so important like I think it'd be important to talk about the opposite of that because I think that's what a lot of women are experiencing I myself included we can all get into this if you've ever been with a man that you're strongly attracted to or just you know even a man you've been with for years I know the tendency sometimes is to go right up into your head right start overthinking things wonder where the relationship is going or does he like me or did I say the right thing right there did I do something wrong and we go into self-beta or just kind of trying to analyze a man and figure him out I call that being up in your head going into your masculine energy so with experiencing the moment it's kind of the opposite of that even like I'm leaning forward right now even explaining it like that so everyone can can do this with me if you're here just go ahead and lean back and kind of take all of your thoughts and just drop them down into your body that's getting into your feminine energy so you can really kind of slow down the tempo of every moment with a man so you can experience it while it's happening does that make sense how I'm explaining that oh absolutely I mean it's absolutely you know and just you saying it and explaining it as actually making me feel really like more relaxed and comfortable just sitting here and so yeah I mean it totally totally makes sense is there anything else that you wanted to say oh yeah yeah that's kind of just the overview right so that's what builds the connection and the intimacy with a man moment by moment so I know a lot of women think that you know being really chatty and trying to connect with a man mentally or even physically is kind of like a way into his heart a way to make him feel super attracted and connected to her and obviously having a mental connection and a physical connection is great but it's that deep heart-to-heart connection that really makes a man fall in love and just feel addicted to you in a really good way where he just wants to be around you more and more because he just feels so good every time he's with you so that's how you do it you get out of your head into your body so you're really like drilling down into the present moment it's almost like getting inside of every moment so you can experience it while it's happening so everyone can try this just right now if you're alone or next time you're with a man just really try slowing down the moment experiencing his eyes you know really listening to his words hearing the music feeling the air on your skin all of this will make you much more kind of sensual and tactile it just really gets you into the moment and you will feel that man start to come towards you when you do that you don't have to say anything but just that tiny shift of getting out of your head where you're overthinking and trying to analyze the situation or figure this man out dropping down into your body into your feminine energy so you can really experience every single moment as it's unfolding yeah and one thing I wanted to throw in there too because one of the things you're talking about is like being chatty and trying to like talk a man into a man's heart or whatever and and really what that ends up feeling like from a man's perspective is like this nervous energy type thing right and and one of the videos I did recently was about kind of getting a guy to chase you and one of the things that is really important when you're getting a guy to chase you and for him to feel like he's invested in you and he's connected to with you and and you're somebody that he he feels like it really gets him right which is which is what's important here a lot of times women are like oh I want to I want him to understand me and really you want him to feel like you understand him right because when he feels that way he goes you know if you're in a situation with a guy and you're you're out on a date or if you're hanging out or whatever and he's like talking and talking and talking and you're in your body and you're experiencing it and you're listening and you're responding and doing all those things he feels like you really get him and one there's a study that was done that was done not too long ago where they kind of did this thing where they they looked at people they look they went and they got I just had a brain freeze right there they they they did this thing where are we still live here hold on if you're in if you can watch us right now in the chat make sure you say hi and tell us where it is in the world that you're watching us from I feel like this okay it looks like it's live again it looked like I think it disconnected there for a second or so anyway the point is is that if you're like if a guy is talking to you oh what they found is that that here's so there's a study that happened and what they found is that for most men men are actually far less likely to walk out of a relationship than women are about three times more likely to leave a relationship than a man is and they looked and they tried to figure out why that was and what they found was that for most men they don't have a lot of like emotional connections in their social circles and so what ends up happening is the woman that they're with and they're dating and they're in a relationship with becomes like the biggest source that they have of emotional connection and so if you know you meet a guy and he's like talking and he feels like he's chatting and he's investing in you from a verbal standpoint he's gonna feel far more connected he's gonna feel like this is really awesome he's gonna feel like you get him he's gonna feel like he wants to be around you more and so it's really important that instead of you know like they're being a silence and you're like chatting them up and you're like oh right instead you get into your body and you lean back and you just chill out and you allow him to start having that conversation if you have moments of silence or whatever just getting okay and just relaxing into the silence or or getting curious about him and asking him questions maybe I'm kind of going on a tangent here no yeah being comfortable with the silence is so important you kind of like read my mind there it's because I know I feel this way a lot of times as you know it's women we we want to jump in and fill those awkward pauses in conversation because we just want the guy to be comfortable and we want to make sure everyone's having a good time it comes from a really good place right it comes from a really kind of what just wanting everyone to feel good place but a man would just oh my gosh kill for a woman who's kind of comfortable in the silence and kind of let some feelings bubble up in between the two of you that don't necessarily have anything to do with words that's one of the biggest things I hear from women is when they kind of mastered that being comfortable with the silence that's when they really got connected with the man when he felt kind of safe to come close because when you're just trying to fill those gaps in conversation you can feel it's a masculine energy forward leaning try to fill the space right versus you're leaning back into your feminine energy and just looking in his eyes and smiling and just you can feel now you're creating that space for the man to come towards you so I'm so glad you brought that up yeah and there's also another one that I wanted to speak to really quickly which is the idea of like these interview style dates and if you've gone out and dated very much you've probably experienced this for yourself or for a guy and it's just like the worst thing ever is when you go out and you have a date or you're like hanging out with a guy and it's like interview time you know like okay you know and I had some woman asked me about this around speed dating because she was going to a speed dating event she's like you know how should I interact when I'm at this speed dating event like what questions should I ask and you know like what what things should I screen these guys out on and I'm like no that is the wrong way to think of this completely right because what you're trying to do is you're trying to build a connection and when you're asking interview style questions and you're so focused on screening this guy out making sure he's a good guy and all that kind of stuff you're not building a connection at all right it to a guy it feels kind of gross it feels kind of dead you know it feels really cold he gets off the date and he's like I just you know like I mean she she was really beautiful and she seemed like she really has it together and she has a lot of cool things going on but I just didn't feel anything at all on a date yeah you know and and that's and that's when he kind of falls into like these different categories right where he starts looking at you as like you know she's beautiful and I'd like to hook up with her but she's not really relationship material kind of thing right yeah love love is playful and fun love is connecting love is is you know it's it's it's not being in your head it's not being you know like in this thing where you're you know reading off a script or something or trying to you know get through this list of things on a date or whatever it's it's this thing where you feel like a kid and you're like rolling around on the ground and you're playing with each other and you're poking each other and you're just you know just having fun and being playful and just enjoying a conversation and and learning about each other right totally yeah and just you know this can be hard I know it sounds like such a simple thing like oh just stop overthinking and get out of your head and be in the moment but it's definitely a practice especially if you're really attracted to a guy or you have strong feelings for him the more those things get kicked in the more it kind of stirs something up in us and causes us to want to just go right up in our head try to figure him out so just catch yourself and just be really easy and gentle with yourself don't beat yourself up if you're not perfect with this right away it's just a constant process but it feels really good I'd love to hear from everyone you know try it out and let us know how this goes for you it's really amazing just the tiniest little shift in that direction can bring a guy so much closer absolutely was there anything else you wanted to say about that no I think that was it just be easy with yourself it's just a constant thing I mean even right now I'm like trying to be in the moment but my allergies are bad my my eyes watering is driving me nuts my microphones get tangled in my hair so I'm just noticing how hard it is to do this and so try it try it in different situations don't just save this for when you're on a date with the guy you really like try it just out in the world or just when you're home with your kids or your pets or your friends right like really practice it 100% of time so then you kind of build that muscle then when the guy you really like comes along or you're with your man you're kind of you've mastered it a little more right absolutely okay let's move on to number two number two if you guys have any questions about these things if you get what we're talking about here make sure you say I get it in the chat if you don't know what we're talking about ask a question we'll do some question and answer at the very end so number two is receiving and responding what are we talking about with receiving and yes again I think I'd kind of like to start with the opposite of that because what I really found I can certainly relate to this and in so many women in our community and who we've worked with they have this system in place an unconscious system that they don't deserve love and they can't get a great man and kind of keep him forever unless they're constantly giving to him I think so many of us have been kind of brought up placing our value and on our worth on what we can do and accomplish and give to others so the idea of a guy showing up and just loving us because of who we are and not because it's something we're doing or giving to him constantly is kind of a foreign concept to so many of us women I totally get that so basically a man a masculine energy man has this huge desire deep down to be with a woman who's able to receive what he has to give so something I always say is is you know inspiring a man's love and devotion as a woman doesn't really involve much effort at all effort in the traditional sense of like doing a lot of things and giving so much of yourself it's really about being who you are that's what makes a man see you know he's interested and eventually fall in love it's who you are not what you do so just being able to lean back and receive from a man can be difficult at first but it's really really important and then the next step after that is responding so giving back to a man from that place is fantastic you just don't want to be constantly giving and giving and giving coming from a place of lack or anxiety or insecurity and then suddenly hoping you're going to get something back from a man who returned if that makes sense yeah absolutely it makes sense and it's one of those things where it kind of blinds women right and this is it happens all the time I talked to so many women where they're it's like they're completely blinded because they think things are going great right because they're like given to a guy they become like his social planner you know and they're like okay you know like we're gonna go here and then we're gonna go there and we're gonna do these things and show up here on Friday right and so the guys like well okay I'll just go along with it right because he's like you know I mean she's doing all the work I don't care right and so he like shows up and he does all the things and he lets you come over with you know like food and alcohol and you know presents and all the things that you show up and do for a man and you're sitting there thinking to yourself like oh this is great he loves this I'm giving him all these things he must appreciate it so much and then you know they're like six months down the road a year down the road they're like they're like he still isn't calling me his girlfriend you know he still isn't talking about you know us being a couple together he still hasn't introduced me to his family like what's going on here and what they blinded themselves to is the fact that you you can tell a man's interest in you based on how he's acting right and if you're doing everything for him then you're not getting to witness his actions and he's you know you would have known months ago you know at the beginning in fact that he wasn't really even that interested in you from a relationship perspective if you weren't doing everything for him and so since you've been doing everything for him you're missing you're blinded completely blinded to the fact that that he he's you never built that emotional connection you know he's just letting you do all this stuff and you're starting to feel taken for granted because he doesn't actually care that much I mean it's great and I mean who doesn't want somebody to show up and give them things right and do everything for him yeah I mean like who doesn't want that but that doesn't create the type of relationship that you want to have that doesn't create a masculine feminine dynamic in the relationship where he's stepping up he's pushing things forward he's moving things forward he wants something more with you he's he's invested in you so you know the thing where I talk about the sunken cost theory where he doesn't he feels like he doesn't want to let you go anymore because he's invested so much none of that stuff happens if you're the one that's doing everything I'm so glad you said that I'm like dying to jump it I love everything you said there um yeah because here's the thing men are just they they're happy to take what you have to give though they'll take everything you got but that's not what fosters this deep connection and makes him feel like you just can't live without you something I always say I know this is kind of a big statement or a strong statement but men cannot masculine energy men cannot fall in love when we're giving to them constantly see how forward leaning that is masculine energy right filling that space they fall in love when they're giving to us something you always say Matt that's amazing is it's the amount of effort a man puts into the relationship that determines his desire to commit right not the amount that a woman puts in so just like you said if a woman's giving and giving and doing and a lot of this is unconscious like I said we have these unconscious patterns running that that tell us that we don't deserve love or a great man unless we're giving to him so just becoming aware of that and leaning back and I mean men are thrilled when they find a woman who's able to just let him feel like a man in the relationship I think no I mean you're totally right a guy you know a guy feels like he wants to give to you you know like men want to do that he wants to feel like a man he wants to stand up you know step up and do all those things for the woman that he sees as as the potential woman that he wants to have in his life you know they did a they did a study a while back where they asked men about you know like what what do you want in a relationship right and they found that the overwhelming majority of men I think it was like 87% of men want a relationship that's serious that leads towards a committed relationship potentially marriage with children and all that kind of stuff but they want it with the right woman right and if he doesn't feel like you're the right woman and you know all these things he's not going to do those things for you right and and that's really a very very important factor that a lot of women miss out on is is they're like okay well I want to like manipulate some dude any dude you know I mean like there's this celebrity and I want to get him right how do I get that guy and make him do all these things that I want him to do and it's like well he has to look at you and see you as the right kind of woman and there's a lot of things that you can do to kind of inspire him to feel that way and think of you in that way but ultimately it comes down to him right and he's going to you both have to choose each other right it's it's never a one-sided thing it's never a you know I want this and so I'm going to force this other person into everything that I want it's never it's never that way ever and so you have to remember that it's it's a two-way street and that you know men do want to do all these things they want to move forward they want to step up they want to act like the man they want to be the provider they want to be a masculine force in your life but they also want to do it one for the right woman and he has to feel like you're the right woman and if he doesn't he's not going to do that and two he had he wants to feel appreciated for it right and there's this thing where I talked to women a lot where they're like that they'll do this thing where they like jump to different sides right so they're like giving to a guy right and then all of a sudden they jump to this other side and they start doing nothing at all right and they hear the leaning back advice and they're like okay I'm doing nothing you know like and and they're like they're like these guys never get second dates anymore like what's going on here and it's always this thing where they're like there's a middle ground right and you you need to still like connect with them you need to still show interest you need to still appreciate them for these things you know not get a attitude of entitlement where you think it you you know you expect it from him and it's his job and so he better be doing it and if he's not doing it then there's you know that kind of thing you don't want to do that either and so um I don't know am I running off on a tangent here no I was just actually gonna say a little bit in line with what I was thinking is it's something I want to mention is anger and resentment build as a woman in direct proportion to the amount of energy and effort you're putting out as even mental effort and emotional effort by constantly thinking about a man and strategizing when he's not putting that same amount of effort in so if you're doing all this stuff to try to make him step up or make him see you as this great partner you know try to get him to fall in love with you you're going to feel angry and resentful when he doesn't do what you hoped he would and a lot of this is unconscious like the last one so just whenever you're starting to feel that way anxious angry resentful irritated annoyed with your man you can always ask where am I putting in too much effort where can I reel that back in where am I doing things in the hopes of trying to get something back from him and again it comes from a good place a lot of times it's not like we're you know you're purposely trying to manipulate or control the situation but uh it's a lot of it's unconscious just important to become aware of some of these things just kind of pull back on some of that a little bit yeah totally and I just wanted to throw another thing in there as well and it's the whole thing about investment you know we talk about investment here and there and a lot as much as I can because it's a very very important topic because it's it's the same right like we talk about how a guy needs to feel invested in you well one it's not a bad thing necessarily if you're investing in him and you know you like what Helena was talking about where you respond right it's not like you can't ever give to a guy right shoot Helena just said Helena just said I'm like trying to make sure my hand's going in the right direction Helena just said that you know you respond and then you give based on that response right yeah a guy like if a guy's moving towards you if he's chasing you if he's pursuing you it's no problem if you're giving to him totally yeah because it's like he's moving towards you the problem is when you're the one investing and he's not right you're he's doing nothing and you're doing everything and you don't even know where he's at because you're so moving forward towards him and what happens is the exact opposite of what we we're talking about happening right which is all of a sudden you become super invested you start getting hit with that those psychological triggers that we talk about having these guys get hit with right the sunken cost theory and and all of those kinds of things the emotional investment and whatnot and then next thing you know you are feeling like you can't let him go right and he doesn't care at all because he has no investment and so he's like whatever I don't care you know and you're like I have to make this work I've put so much energy and effort into this right and it's just yeah you don't want to be there you don't want to be there yeah I love what you said I mean really if you know a guy's crazy about you if his energy is coming towards you and you know if he's very open about where you stand with him you can do anything you can do whatever you want you can call him up and buy him over cook him dinner but most women are not at that place and they and they want to do those things because they they're coming from a place of lack or anxiety or insecurity and they're and they're subtly sometimes doing that to try to like lock a guy down it's just totally the wrong way to go and it only gets worse yeah only gets worse doing that absolutely absolutely okay are we ready for number three yes number three special number three this is the big one right here guys number three is trusting I get there's like tomatoes being thrown at me from the audience I'm just kidding okay so let's talk about trusting Helena yeah okay trusting yes well first of all we know what everyone's going to say and we agree with you that trust is earned absolutely it's not just about going out and trusting any guy who hasn't kind of shown you that he that he deserves your trust right it all starts with trusting yourself everything starts with trusting yourself so rather than having these walls up and worrying about whether you can trust a man and being up in your head see if you're trusting yourself see it's it's basically the job of your own masculine energy to not put yourself in situations where you know if a man makes a decision you're going to be devastated right or not put yourself in situations where you're investing in a man and he's not doing the same where we're kind of deep down you know you're going to get hurt and of course we've all been in situations where we trusted the wrong guy and we invested in the wrong situation everybody's been there of course myself included but it's about trusting yourself building up that trust in yourself so then you can trust a man because when you trust a man a truly trustworthy you know great guy I'd love to hear your experience but it's it's just like the the best feeling in the world that oh she trusts me she's not constantly trying to safeguard herself against all these bad things that might happen so it always it always starts with trusting yourself we can talk about exactly how to do that because I know it can be hard listening to your intuition and then trusting a man because you know you're not going to put yourself in a situation where if it goes too far too soon or anything like that that you're going to get hurt does that make sense yeah and just re-emphasizing we're not talking about trusting a cheater we're not talking about trusting a liar we're not talking about trusting some guy that's abused you or cheated on you or any of that kind of stuff right and yeah I mean it's absolutely difficult you know it's difficult on both sides so if you're trusting in him it can still be difficult for him because he's like is this real you know like we talk about this world that we kind of live in right now which is like the world of the hookup culture where you know men and women are kind of like just hooking up with each other and lots of relationships are superficial and people are just lying to each other and doing all these things where they're tricking each other and and you know people are starved for real connections and lots of people are hurt you know tons and tons of people especially in the west are growing up without father figures now and so there's a lot of pain there's a lot of pain there's a lot of people that are like they want something serious on both sides and they get with these people on both sides who just abuse them and hurt them and treat them really really badly and so it for a man you know when he meets a woman who is just trusting in him yeah it feels good and at the same time all those insecurities still come up for him just like they might come up for you right where you're like oh you know is this real can I really trust this person like you know is this some kind of dream is this person manipulating me right now like is all these things going on right and the best thing that you can do from your standpoint is to is to start doing some healing work right is to figure out if you have issues right where you're like hey I can't trust guys or you've been in abusive relationships or whatever you need to you know there's kind of superficial things that you can do things that are really really effective but a little bit more superficial like you know shifting your mindset towards what it is that you like and want or shifting your mindset into believing who you are right as a beautiful amazing awesome woman who deserves a man who really loves her and cherishes her and treats her absolutely great um you can do that and that's very very important but there's also some healing work that you might need to do there as well if if you have problems with this and um yeah I'm kind of running off on healing work yeah um let's see I'm trying to think of I'd love to give some really practical steps of how women can start to trust themselves so then they can really like feel into their intuition and and and see if this man who's in front of them is trustworthy would you mind if we took it there because I know these are big concepts I know Matt always says that I love yeah I love I love practical stuff yeah okay so if you think about it I know um what is it that causes you to build trust in another person right it's when they follow through on what they say they're going to do right so if a man says he's gonna you know pick you up at seven o'clock he's there you don't have to second guess it like oh I wonder if he's gonna show up or not he says he's gonna call he calls if he says he's gonna do something he does it so you want to start doing that with yourself like keeping those commitments you make to yourself instead of putting yourself last on the list like it's a really common thing for people to say well I'm gonna start you know this um diet and exercise routine or I'm gonna you know work on this thing or um build this business and and we put you know we kind of make ourself our last priority sometime so if you made a commitment to yourself especially in relationships like I'm not going to be available to a man who's not available for the kind of relationship I want we can say that consciously but then if a guy comes along and you you know you feel a lot of chemistry with him and attraction you kind of break your own boundaries and and and go along with it anyway even though you know that that's not a good situation for you so really keeping those commitments you make to yourself will help you start building that trust within yourself so then you will start attracting men who are trustworthy and and if they're not you're gonna feel that right away your intuition will tell you right away something's off something doesn't feel good I think I need to take a step back does that make sense yeah yeah absolutely that's another one another practical thing you know see where you've done this before I'd love to hear for everyone I can't see the comments or anything but for everyone watching have you ever um maybe you just you met a guy and you were attracted to him but there was some kind of red flag some kind of alarm bell that went off and your intuition was telling you something like oh you know he seems to have a lot of female friends that he's really close to and I'm uncomfortable with that or or he um he doesn't handle himself well when he's drinking or out with his friends and your intuition kind of you get a hit intuitively but then you ignore it because you just you know you're so in love with this guy or whatever the case may be and then only to find out that your intuition was right all along I know that so many I mean pretty much everyone has experienced that right so if you can kind of notice where you've done it before you know where is your intuition been right all along usually it is usually it really is and then you can kind of start to trust yourself and build it up that way I totally agree totally agree yeah woman's intuition magical thing it's a magical thing absolutely is there anything else you wanted to say on that well that's you know trusting kind of zooming out and getting a bigger view of this tell me if I'm not making sense here but I I always like to kind of zoom out you know if you're trusting yourself and trusting life right that things are always working out for you if you have a desire for for love in your life or to attract a great man and be in a great relationship just trusting that that's coming trusting that things are unfolding exactly the way it's supposed to and you're just kind of at the perfect place at the perfect time doing the right things with the right people that energy is very attractive rather than feeling like you have to worry about everything and doubt yourself and doubt the man showing up and it's just such a different feeling and and as a man not I'd love to hear from you just the feeling when a woman trusts herself and trust life that that you know things are always working out for her and if things don't work out with this guy it's okay there's a million other guys right around the corner that would love to be with you most women aren't operating from that place most humans are not operating from that place a lot of times we try to just avoid pain or loss in some way and when we do that we kind of just build these walls around ourselves without even realizing it and no one can truly get close to us right a man might be interested and come on strong for a little while but if he can't like get to you if he can't see who you really are eventually he kind of just hits up against your walls and and he'll start to back off so just kind of trusting trusting life it this is a different vibe and a different feeling than someone who's totally distrustful of everything and just kind of wants to keep herself safe all the time I think trust you know trusting life and trusting yourself it is is the way to protect yourself most seriously because when you're in touch with that part of yourself like Matt said your intuition kicks in and you can really feel like is this a good situation for me or or not and if it's not you're gonna feel that right away and hopefully get yourself out of there did I explain that correctly yeah yeah absolutely yeah yeah it can take time you know if you don't really trust yourself or you you're the type of person who kind of ignores red flags or you know just kind of does whatever and you feel a certain way but you're like what am I supposed to be doing right and you're doing whatever you think you're supposed to be doing instead of actually trusting yourself it can take some time to like really like do those things and it's kind of like anything where you want to kind of build it up over time and start doing things a little bit at a time that makes you feel more and more like you can trust yourself right and then getting into a spot where you set up boundaries where you you make sure that you have boundaries that you know what your boundaries are and you're very clear about it and you can communicate those things and you know once you start doing that kind of thing over and over and over again it can be a lot better but you have to be able to kind of trust yourself and know what it is that you want and what you don't want what you're okay with what you're not okay with you know and sometimes it it'll happen in the moment and it's not one of those kind of like pre done things where you're like okay I know that this is okay and that's not okay sometimes it is sometimes it's not and you have to be in a space where you can really trust yourself to do what you know is best for you in that situation and so it can take time and like I said it can take healing work it can take kind of reframing the way that you think about yourself and your life and and who you are and what you deserve you know and really believing that you deserve a man who who treats you well and who feels like you're too uh you're too valuable too important to him to let go of you you know I there's this I'm going to be doing a live stream here pretty soon about this concept of sacred right in our culture we've kind of lost this idea of uh you know like our bodies and our lives and everything being sacred you know we're on social media and there's millions of people and you know and people are kind of developing this narcissistic type of thing where they they they're they're like trying to convince themselves they're really valuable and that they're great but really deep inside they they hate themselves and they feel like they're worthless and all that kind of stuff and instead kind of pulling it back up and being like yeah I am a sacred being you know and I am important and you know what I want is important and who I am is sacred and these different aspects of me are sacred and just kind of coming from that space and kind instead of kind of coming from the space of like you know maybe I deserve this right I was talking to my brother on the phone yesterday I think it was and he's been dating this girl for I think six years or something like that and she went out to a concert with some guy friend of hers and they ended up making out and doing some other things and she came home and she was like uh hey I cheated on you and um I think we should break up right and he was like yeah I agree you know and so they ended up breaking up and he was just kind of devastated from this whole thing and we were talking about it later and he's like man I you know I feel like I feel like I kind of deserve it sometimes and you know and and I told him before he got with her I was like man she's not a good girl you don't want to be with her and you know it's just going to be trouble and you know all these different things and he was like you know just ignored it and just kept going with her anyway and he was like man you're right you know and and you know maybe I do deserve this and I'm like I'm like like first man you know you're being too hard on yourself right like you are just being way too hard on yourself and second off you know like think about where you came from you know like um I think I've told my story a little bit on this channel and part of our story is that you know my mom when we were kids abandoned us right she took me to my dad's house and left me there never came back for me and then my dad sent me to go live with my grandma and I live with my grandmother for a while well the same thing kind of happened with my brother except it was a little bit worse because she sent dropped him off at my older brother's house who at the time was a severe alcoholic and drug user and so my brother as a teenager right was living with this abusive alcoholic drug using kind of adult figure for a long time you know and uh you know looking back at it it's like okay well our mother's just left us right and your mother just leaves you and doesn't ever come back for you and you're just living on your own eventually he was like living on the streets and stuff and it's like you know no wonder you have these issues of abandonment and feeling like maybe you deserve to be treated badly you know by women right and then next thing you know he's he ended up um getting this girl pregnant right when when he was 16 17 something like that and she while she was pregnant was cheating on him you know and just all these things ended up happening that was just really really devastating for him and he hasn't gone through the healing work yet right to kind of get back to a space where he really feels like he's a whole person and he deserves something great in his life again and this happens on both sides right it happens to men and it happens to women and and I I hear a lot of stories from women where they're going through things like that too and and sometimes it's that there's there's stuff that you have to go through in order to heal that right before you can really get into a good relationship I mean really you know because otherwise you're going to be in these situations and you're going to drive good men away you're going to push them away you know if you're thinking to yourself I don't deserve this and you know maybe I deserve to be abused and maybe I deserve all these bad things and so it's really important and you know one of the shifts that we're going to be making here with all the stuff that we're doing is moving into healing work probably in the next few months or so and I think it's some of the most important work that we can do and so anyway I totally agree yeah I mean something I would say is um what you tolerate in a relationship is a measure of what you think you deserve deep down and that's a perfect example of that when we've all been there I mean if you talk to Matt or myself there's some of the things that we tolerated or accepted I'm sure I'm just speaking for myself here I guess you'd be like wow like you were putting up with that kind of before I figured out how this stuff works and my own self-worth and my all of that the healing and everything so yeah I think it's super important so if you're wondering what you think you deserve just look around at what you're accepting and tolerating because you know we hear from women every day in our communities that it's just it's just kind of like wow you know objectively looking at it you're like how in the world would that ever feel good to you but but to them it kind of feels familiar it might feel like home to them and so healing is so important I'd love to do some more some more live streams the videos with you on that if you want for sure for sure did you have anything else you wanted to say or should we jump into yeah I think I have about like five ten minutes is that okay if you want to okay yeah yeah so if you have um we're probably not going to get to your questions if you're asking them right now but you can't ask your questions if you want and maybe we'll look at them later and do some answer maybe we'll do another live stream where we just answer questions that were asked to us from other people yeah okay so lots of people say hi from all over the world hello hello hello thank you for being here Nellie says do guys not leave because they're too comfortable want to avoid conflict or don't have the balls to leave because of the two previous not leave because they're too comfortable what was the second part of that yeah or they want to avoid conflict or they don't have the balls to leave yeah sometimes guys will stay in situ especially if you know they're married with kids like they'll stay because they don't want to rock the boat it's just easier um you know we hear from a lot of women unfortunately in our community who are involved with a man who's in a situation like that and it's like usually they don't leave because why would they why would they they have everything right yeah they don't want to rock the boat they're they're basically um valuing harmony and keeping the peace over maybe their own needs and desires all kinds of reasons why why a man would stay but yeah that's certainly one of them yeah it can all three of those things that you said the comfortable avoiding conflict both are are definitely things that they do did he says i enjoy when matt references a study it grounds the advice well thank you mika says what if he thinks you're ignoring him did you want to speak to that yeah so um if you lean back and he's maybe he's used to you initiating and then you stop doing that and then he goes oh why didn't you call you know it works both ways that kind of thing we hear about that all the time um yeah that's where i think he talked about a little earlier matt it's not all or nothing like nothing we say is super black and white like just lean back and just never you know never talk to him again sometimes it takes a man a little while to get used to this new dynamic if he's where he's initiating and you're responding i think if you're responding to him in a really warm and open and receptive way then that's great you know um and again it's not that you can never initiate it but a lot of times um women get in the situation where they're the only ones keeping it going so to pulling back on that a little bit um helps you see whether or not this man can step up so i mean you can always ask him like oh you know what what what is it that you would like he might say oh well it'd feel good you know it'd be good if you called me once a week and then you could say sure you know if he's asking you if he's asking you to do something if it would feel good to you yeah why not you know if he's asking you to text him when you get home to make sure you know whatever it is be really transparent and open and i really want to invite kind of straightforward communication if a man thinks you're ignoring him being you know oh you know i was just giving you a little space you know what would feel good to you and then seeing what he says from there well and also um also are you ignoring him you know that's a big you know that's a big one that's a big one that a lot it's funny to hear like sometimes women will say that and they'll be like well you know how many times how many times should he text me before i text him back right and i'm like what you know like yeah are you having a conversation are you trying to have a conversation you know because you shouldn't be like letting a guy just text you a whole bunch of times and then not responding back to him you know like so if if you're actually ignoring him that's we don't teach that here we don't teach that here don't do that that is not something that i recommend that's not something halena recommends don't ignore dudes yeah yeah just think of yourself as constantly responding he texts you you text him back he calls leaves a message asks you to call back call him back don't be afraid to do that it's you know don't be afraid to sometimes a lot of you learn about this stuff and you're afraid to make any moves but that like i said if you know a guy's crazy about you if you know he's into you you can do whatever you want you really can most women coming to us are not at that place right they're they're doing all these things we talked about before that's where we say bring it back to neutral and just and just lean back and experience his energy coming towards you then then you can do whatever you want really when you're feeling truly confident yeah i mean if a guy's really into you guys i mean it's one of those things we call it the whirlwind right if guys really into you and you're really into him it's this thing i call pacing right it's like mirroring what he's doing if he's super into you and you can be super into him and you guys like yeah it's a whirlwind all right that's my whirlwind hand symbol i'll just do that all the time from now on my goofball am i am i my nerd what am i doing over here okay so donya says how do you stop that silence from becoming awkward um i can almost guarantee you if you he will step up he will say something it might take him a little while it might feel like an eternity where it's just five or ten seconds and it feels like an eternity but if you take your focus off of him maybe drop it into your body or whatever you're eating or drinking um he will step up he will you gotta trust that that he'll do it just just try it you can just tolerate that silence for a little bit try that out and and let us know how it goes absolutely cat says how to feel worthy of love how to deserve a good man yeah great question do you mind and i'm just taking these like no i you're you are you are the guest okay i'm not beautiful and helena heart you're so beautiful helena you're the guest i'm used to asking the question this is like i forgot how to do this um what was the question again oh how to feel worthy i would say talking before we start i told that i don't think i remember how to do this it's like stopping silly i know i know um working from the inside out the healing that i was talking about sounds like there's going to be some more videos coming out on that um working on yourself esteem and yourself love and really loving embracing accepting every single thing that comes up in you while at the same time working from the outside in so from this point forward you are only going to be spending time with men whose energy is coming towards you and who are treating you really well and uh where you feel really good about yourself in their presence so forget about how you feel about him and all the chemistry and how you're so attracted to him how do you feel about yourself when you're with this man or every single man that that comes towards you and doing those two things at the same time will help you feel more deserving if you're hanging on to a man again i don't know anything about your situation but for everyone watching if you're hanging on to a man where you know it's just not going anywhere and you're just kind of re traumatizing yourself you're torturing yourself over and over and over you're not going to what again what you tolerate is a measure of what you think you deserve so as soon as you close those doors and take a stand for what you truly want and kind of step up for yourself that's when you start to build the self love and the self trust and that's also when you start attracting men who are going to meet you on that level so um yeah working from the inside out and the outside in at the same time yeah i mean inside out outside in i totally agree i mean i could sit here and talk about that for an entire live stream so we'll move on to the next one Salem witch says my husband left me because we were arguing over my work hours we have kids and i got a job that agreed to let me work while at school they were making me work outside of those hours this uh your coming cut off so we'll move on to the next one melissa says i don't know how true that is my ex-husband left me for another woman because my men's lowered my sex drive yeah my guess is that it was more than that right like you know a lot of times women are like oh my husband left me because you know like i fart in my sleep and you're like i doubt that's why your husband of you know seven years decided to walk out one day you know like i guarantee that there was more things going on there and and you might be focusing on this one thing like oh he left because of this one thing but i guarantee that there's more stuff going on there right like because of your sex drive you know like i mean you know obviously i think sex is very important in a relationship and at the same time you know there's ways to get through that and if you guys aren't doing any of that stuff and there's a bunch of other things going on and he's just like getting to this point where he's like she's not even trying to like be a part of something or you know you guys are fighting all the time or whatever it is right there there's probably a bunch of other things that are going on there that you need to look at more than just like you have a low sex drive and your husband's like oh you have a low sex drive i'm out you know like it's very very unlikely very very unlikely yeah that would take yeah same thing as we're oh he just left suddenly without warning it's like men don't just leave something you know usually there's there's something building up or happening that you just weren't aware of um but don't beat yourself up for that my gosh don't you know we're not none of we're not saying that this is your fault or you did something wrong and you saying that to yourself is not not going to help you right exactly we have no idea what your situation is i'm just saying that there's probably more there than just you know there's a low sex drive what what they there's a study that was done i love talking about studies by the Relationship Research Institute where they found that they could determine with a 90% accuracy how long and whether a couple were going to stay together in marriage or not right and they could figure out almost to the month of when a couple was going to break up and they would look at they did like they put you know things all over people and they're like testing their saliva and their sweat and all these different things and they measured everything and what they figured out was that if a positive to negative ratio i think it was five to one or something like that where they have any less than five times the amount of positive emotions in the relationship than negative emotions then they're going to break up and if they have more than that it's on shaky ground but if they have way more than that then it's then it's going to stay together and so they were able to determine that right and and you know there's obviously some scenarios that are outside of that right where it's not just about positive and negative emotions where there's other weird things going on where there's you know different kind of factors that you don't think are going to happen and there's weird scenarios that just pop up from nowhere right however what they found is that you know when people are really happy together when they really enjoy themselves together and they really are having fun and they're being playful together and they love each other and they spend lots of time together and they know how to deal with conflict together and all that kind of stuff it's not going to the likelihood that you guys are going to break up is really really low because most guys they don't you know they'll they might leave for a little bit but they leave and they're like uh this sucks right so unless there's something amazing that he's going to that's way that he believes is way better than you or if this that he's in right now is so unbelievably terrible to him that just being away from it is better that's the the most likely the only way that he's going to get out of this situation because of like what that other woman said where it's comfortable and you know it's just like you know why would i leave right now you know like the world outside is crazy why would i want that you know this crazy culture that we have right now so oh i think that was a tangent so normal norma says how do you undo if you've given too much oh uh great question yeah feel even in that question that this oh i want to fix it i need to fix it feel how there's a forward leaning quality to that and i hear that all the time and of course i've been there myself right um just just stop just stop 95 of this work is just stop doing the things that aren't working if it's not working it's pushing him away in that situation right just just stop that's it that's all you got to do and um you don't have to do anything like lean forward and apologize or explain yourself that will just make it worse there's nothing you need to do all you need to do is lean back do the go back to step two of this receiving and then responding you'll notice you'll notice a difference right away for sure okay well thank you everybody for being with us here today helena and i are we're really dedicated to making sure that you guys get the information that you need you know we kind of have our little niches that we do but it's you know it's a crazy dating world out there right now it's it's true you know you you want to be in a relationship where you're loved and cherished and seen as the amazing beautiful awesome woman you are and you want a guy that loves you and treats you well and you know doesn't want to let you go right and i i think that you should have that and i think you deserve that and at the same time we live in this culture where more people are letting each other go more than ever for smaller and smaller things you know and um i i i think it's a i think it's a jungle out there i think a lot of people are having a lot of problems i think that there's there the social media is amplifying things there's a lot of problems that are going on out there and uh you know i i totally forgot to pitch the product that we have this whole time if you're really interested in learning more about what helena does go check out feminineenchantment.com it's a really awesome program helena put it together for you and so you can go to feminineenchantment.com and check out feminineenchantment it's a great program if you want to learn more about getting into your femininity and attracting a guy into a relationship where he absolutely loves you and adores you and is chasing you and you know creating a dynamic of masculine feminine and uh you know just uh do you have anything else you want to say yeah also you know you get your personal questions answered right yes is that right yes thanks for saying that's not being offered anymore okay if you're personal your personal questions answered every week by a coach an amazing incredible coach very like trained in everything well well-seasoned coach who can help you with your personal situation because i know sometimes you it's hard to talk about these things here in like such a public setting on youtube or wherever it is you're watching from facebook or whatever it is um so it's an anonymous kind of online forum where you get your personal questions answered once a week that's included in the goddess club right which is part of feminine enchantment absolutely yeah where is the link in the description and should we yeah the link should be either above or below this video if you're listening to this on a podcast then just go to feminineenchantment.com or if you just want to type in feminine enchantment.com because you like typing things into the the browser then do that as well and you can search Helena Hart and go to her website and find it there i mean you can there's a lot of different ways all the roads lead to Rome really you know how many different ways do you want to find feminine enchantment just don't get it it's great program you learn all about Helena Hart's special amazing ways of attracting a great guy into a great relationship so thank you everybody for being here you know as i said you are definitely the best part of our community is all of you amazing beautiful wonderful women out there we have the best women in our community we have the best women so if you want to you want to be a part of our community make sure you go over to feminine enchantment.com join join the program there join a part of our community and we will speak with you again soon bye everybody