Chris Parnell: Were sitting here today with film star Natalie Portman.
Natalie Portman: Hello.
Parnell: So, Natalie, whats the day in life of Natalie Portman like?
Portman: Do you really want to know?
Parnell: Yes, tell us
Portman: I dont sleep motherfucker
off that yak and durban
doin 120 gettin head while Im swervin
Seth Meyers: Damn Natalie you a crazy chick
Portman: Yo shut the fuck up and suck my dick
I bust in dudes mouth like gushers motherfucker
roll up on NBC and smack the shit outta Jeff Zucker
Guys: What you want Natalie
Portman: to drink and fight
Guys: what you need Natalie
Portman: to fuck all night
Dont test when Im crazy on that airplane glue
put my foot down your throat
till you shit in my shoe
leave you screaming
pay for my dry cleaning
fuck your man
Its my name that hes screamin
Parnell: Im sorry Natalie, but are we to believe you condone driving while intoxicated?
Portman: I never said I was a role model.
Parnell: What about the kids that look up to you? Do you have a message for them?
Portman: All the kids lookin up to me can suck my dick
Its Portman mother fucker
drink till Im sick
slit your throat
and poor nitrous down the hole
watch you laugh and cry
while I laugh you die
and all the dudes
you know Im talkin to you
Guys: we love you Natalie
Portman: I wanna fuck you too
P is for Portman
P is for pussy!
ill kill your fuckin dog for fun so dont push me
Parnell: Well, Natalie Im surprised. All this from a Harvard graduate.
Portman: Well theres a lot you may not know about me.
Parnell: Really? Such as?
When I was in Harvard
I smoked weed every day
I cheated every test
and snorted all the yay
I gotta a def posse
and you gotta buncha dudes
I sit right down on your face and take a shit
Andy Samberg: Natalie you are a bad ass biiiiiiiitch (hell yeah!)
and I always pay for your dry cleanin
when my shit gets in your shoe (What!?)
as for the drug use
well I can vouch for that
my dick is scared of you
Parnell: Okie-doke. One final question, if you steal a smooch from any guy in Hollywood, who would it
(Portman throws chair at Parnell)
Portman: No more questions