 Think quick, what are the most desirable things ever? Not like a PS5 or a Lamborghini, but money, affordable rent? We bet love is in there somewhere. So if you're in a relationship, you're probably willing to let a few things slide that you wouldn't with your average buddy. That's normal. We all need a little give and take to make things work, but when is it over the line? When does that annoying thing get so bad that it's gone into the realm of toxic? It can be too easy to let things go until there may be imminent danger. We don't want that. So let's go over what to look out for. Number one, controlling behavior. Do you feel suffocated in the relationship? Maybe getting the impression that your life and choices aren't even yours anymore. That could be a sign that the behavior of your partner has gone from compassionate concern to controlling puppeteer. The occasional where you going is fairly standard, especially if you're living together. It's good to have someone know where you are just in case. If the questions seem like they're playing you like a video game character though, you can't go there unless I want you to or I'll choose what interests you have and who you talk to. This might be time to have a little chat to reassert your own personhood. Number two, there's a lack of communication. All relationships are built on communication. A relationship is a multi-way street where all parties meet on a common ground of understanding. If you tell your partner that something they did was hurtful and they listened to you, asking why it hurt or apologizing than explaining themselves to further understanding, that's communicating. If the response is a stubborn, that's who I am, deal with it or a defensive, I never did that or even a victim blaming, that's your problems, look it up, that is definitely not communication. Similarly, if the conversations are sounding like you're running into a brick wall that has offensive defenses, this is a sign your relationship has turned toxic. Number three, the give and take is consistently only one way. A healthy relationship is all about give and take. Without this balance, you're looking at a crash and burnout. When the give is constantly on one side with the take permanently on the other, that's a huge red flag. If you find yourself constantly exhausted, anxious and asking yourself, what can I do for them? Yet they seem oddly laid back, nonchalant, maybe even taking your efforts for granted. It's time to ask them and yourself, what exactly is going on here? Number four, there are no boundaries in the relationship. Do you or your partner spout sugary proclamations like, I'll be there for them for anything, I will do anything for their love. This is unrealistic and super unhealthy. As close as you might be, boundaries still need to be present. You know what it looks like when there are no boundaries? It looks like vampirism. It looks like constant favors and ignoring your needs. It looks like someone who doesn't have compassion or empathy, using their partner only to further their own goals. A healthy relationship requires mutual respect and part of that respect is boundaries. Number five, your partner uses your personal information against you. Using your personal information to harm you, that is not a hand wave offense. That's a capital red flag crime. This is just straight up backstabbing and below the belt dirty fighting. Chances are the information was told in confidence as in it was understood that it is not for public consumption and you let your guard down. You gave them your trust by being vulnerable. Using that information against you just so they can look good, further their own agenda, prove their superiority or any other self-serving reason is grounds for a call out or a break off. Number six, they do not acknowledge your relationship in front of other people. If you're in a good, healthy, worth it relationship, why would you hide it? Under normal circumstances, if the relationship is hidden, they're saying that they're ashamed of it. Worse, they might be saying they're ashamed of you. If they're ashamed of you, why are they really in this relationship with you anyhow? You don't need that. Wave that red flag. And number seven, you are constantly surrounded by negative energy. Fine, saying negative energy might sound a little too woo-woo, but we're serious. Maybe it's more solid sounding if we say that the red flag is when your partner is constantly introducing and maintaining negative emotional or psychological stress. For example, whenever you talk to them about a new goal instead of discussing ways to plan it out, they're constantly finding reasons to shut it down. Beyond conscientiously warning you of possible dangers that you may be unaware of, they outright close off the possibility or denigrate you for wanting it. That is the negative energy we're saying is a red flag. They're keeping you depressed and underfoot despite your multiple attempts to move forward. We are totally with you in the sentiment that relationships are valuable, but we'll add in the healthy relationships are valuable. Toxic relationships will actively deplete the goodness in your life. So be true to yourself and don't accept the red flags. Which one of these points or behaviors have you noticed before? How did you handle it? Feel free to comment, share, and discuss. Thank you for watching and we'll see you soon.