 Kraft presents The Great Gilder Sleeve. You bet. Company makers of Clark A. Margin and a complete line of famous quality food products presents Harold Perry as The Great Gilder Sleeve. Kraft brings to The Great Gilder Sleeve every week at this time. Written by John Whedon and Sam Moore with music by Claude Swaton. Gilder Sleeve in just a moment. One of those lent and timed foods we'd like to welcome back are Hot Cross Buns. In our house we take them hot out of the oven. So is that white criss-cross icing trickles over the golden brown crust. We like to break the buns open and spread on plenty of delicious Park A. Margin. Oh man, do they ever taste good spread with Park A. Yes, buns, biscuits, bread and rolls all taste extra good when you spread on Park A. Margin. The flavor is so fresh, so delicate, so satisfying. And remember Park A adds extra nourishment to your lent and meals. Park A is one of the finest of energy foods. And it's fortified by Kraft, you know, so that every pound contains 9,000 units of vitamin A. So buy Park A. The nourishing spread that tastes so good. P-A-R-K-A-Y. Park A. Margin made by Kraft. Yes, Kraft makes Park A. Positive E-lim-minates the negative. Well, Gilder Sleeve appears to be in fine spirits this morning and a pretty fair voice. Let's come over him anyway. He's up before daylight and his bathroom's shaving. Yes, believe it or not, the clock stands at 10 to 7. The mercury stands at 2 below 0. The coal bin stands 3 quarters empty and his bank account stands $11 overdrawn. What does he care? You got the accentuate the positive. E-lim-minates the negative. Uncle Morris, Uncle Morris. Come in, my dear. What's going on? Well, a delegation. Good morning, Marjorie. Good morning, Leroy. Good morning, one and all. Shh, you're waking Aunt Hattie. Who's got into you, Uncle? You're not as gruesome as you look. Yes, what is it? Step inside and close the door. Children? Yes? You got the accentuate the positive. Oh, come on, Uncle. What is it? Children, your uncle is the bearer of glad tidings. What do you mean? Your Aunt Hattie made her tribe increase as decided that her mission here is accomplished. She's not going home. She's going home. Quiet, quiet. Let sleeping dogs lie. Oh, I shouldn't have said that. That's no way to talk about Aunt Hattie. Remember, let me hear you talk that way about Aunt Hattie, Leroy. No, sir. Very kind of your aunt to come here and look after you like this. That's no way to talk about her. You understand? What a character. You took the word right out of my mouth. When's she going, Uncle Mort? I don't know in a few days. As soon as she can get a ticket, but we mustn't rush her, you understand? I don't want you to say anything about this. Not a word. Okay. Now, hand me that mug, will you, my dear? Where's my... Leroy, give me that brush. Can I mix up the latter, Uncle? No, you may not. Why? Because I prefer to do it myself. You may go now, children. Oh, can't we stay and watch? Yeah, let us watch, Uncle. What is there to watch? You look so funny when you shave. You make such funny faces. Well, I have to make faces. Going out, I can't shave with people watching me. Oh, please. Please, Uncle. Well, if you keep out of the way. Don't forget under your chin, Uncle Mort. Which chin? You... Listen, you, I've been shaving myself for 30 years now and I don't need any advice. Yeah? Who's there? It's me, Mr. Gilles B. Burdy. Open the door, Leroy. I didn't want to disturb you. What's the matter? Never seen a man shave before, Burdy? Excuse me, Mr. Gilles B. I heard you stirred her out of here and I wondered how soon you wanted breakfast. I'll be ready in seven and one half minutes, Burdy. Yes, sir. How about her? Is she up here? Miss Forester. Burdy, she's leaving. Shh! Leave it! You're not so loud, Burdy. But it's true. Miss Forester is leaving. Hallelujah! David, this is the turning point. That just goes to show, Mr. Gilles B. that shows the power of prayer. Well, you keep right on praying, Burdy. But in the meantime, how about a little breakfast? Mr. Gilles B. it strikes me that this is the time for brookweed cakes and sausages. Oh, man. Come on out here, you children. Let your uncle shame you. You get dressed. Graduate in ten minutes, you hear? Okay, Burdy. You got the accentuate the positive. That, Mr. Gilles. They eliminate the negative. Latch on to the affirmative. Don't mess with Mr. in between. Well, sir, I'm stuffed. And I don't care who knows it. I'll have a couple more, Burdy. If you've got them there. Leroy, how do you do it? I'm a growing boy. You're a bottomless pit. No, Burdy. I'm nearly through. Good morning, Gildy. Oh, you judge. Come on in. Come on in. You're letting in the cold. It's frosty out. Your nose looks like a tomato. Morning, Marjorie. Leroy. Morning, Judge. Leroy? Judge Hooker said good morning. Good morning. Would you cancel a cup of coffee, Judge? Warm you up. No, thank you, Burdy. One cup is my limit. I've already had two. Yep. Come on in the living room, Horace. Drop your ear muffs. Can't stay, Gildy. I got to get down to the office. I just dropped in to get your proxy. My proxy? For what? For the meeting tonight. The Jolly Boy Social Club. We're holding an election of officers, and I knew you wouldn't be able to attend, so I thought I'd just... Now, wait a minute. What makes you think I won't be able to attend? Well, will you? Well, as a matter of fact, no, I don't think I can. Now, what's so funny? Gildy, she certainly got you tied to her apron, strange. Oh, is that so? I'd come if I wanted to. Only I don't want to. Says you. Might interest you to know, you old goat, that Hattie is going home in a day or so, and being a gentleman. Says you. I am too polite to leave her alone on the last night of her visit. Says you. Listen. You old parrot, never mind the witty repartee. You haven't even been polite enough to meet her. If you were any kind of a friend, you'd help me out a little with her. And if you were any kind of a friend, you wouldn't ask it. What do you know about her? As much as I care to. All right. I take it I have your proxy then to vote as I see fit tonight. You certainly have not. Now, Gildy. I know you. You'd vote for yourself. I have no personal ambitions, Gildy, but if elected, I shall strive to serve to the best of my ability. Listen, who started that club? Surely you're not thinking of yourself for president. I don't know why not. A man who can't even attend meetings? A man who's so tired down at home? Who's tired down? I tell you. What's up, Martin? Yes, Hattie. I'm scared last night, and you were playing crazy. Yes, Hattie. All right, laugh, you old goat. You just wait till you need a friend. I start the club, and he wants to run it. Why, George, if I could get down there tonight. Why don't you just go, Uncle Mort? What? Leave Aunt Hattie all alone? On her last night here? Oh, no, my dear. That wouldn't be very nice. There's anything I hate. It's a schemer. She's coming downstairs. I remember what I told you. No remarks about her leaving. And for goodness' sake, be polite. Or she'll think she's got to stay and start work on you all over again. Don't worry. You too, Marjorie. Yes, Uncle Mort. Hello, good morning, Hattie. Good morning, Aunt Hattie. Good morning, Aunt Hattie. Good morning, everyone. Did you have a good night's sleep, Aunt Hattie? Why, yes, Leeroy. I did, thank you. That's good. I was afraid noisy children might wake you up, so I didn't let anybody play in the front yard. Well, that was very thoughtful, Leeroy. Yeah, that's me. How are you feeling now, Aunt Hattie? Feeling? Why? Why, if you're fine, Leeroy. Why? That's good. Just want to know, have you had breakfast, Aunt Hattie? Or could I get you some? Oh, Bertie brought my breakfast up to me on a tray. Thank you. Well, I hope it was satisfactory. Oh, yes. The egg was a little harder than I liked them, but then things can't be perfect. No reason why not? Yeah, better speak to Bertie about that, Uncle Frockmorton. I don't usually approve of a steak and bed for breakfast. But once in a great while, I like to pamper myself and rest up in the morning, especially before a long journey. Gone somewhere, Aunt Hattie? Leeroy. Yes, I'm afraid I have to, Leeroy. I've got to be getting home. Oh, gee. Did you hear that, Marge? Aunt Hattie's gone home. Chuck. Leeroy. I suppose I really ought to be doing something about getting train reservations, Frockmorton. Train? Well, must you go, Hattie? Yeah, couldn't you stay another week, Auntie? Look, little Lord Pointleroy. Why don't you run along, you and your sister, and Hattie and I have a few things to talk about. Come on, Leeroy. We'll see you at lunch, Aunt Hattie. Yeah, see you at lunch. You've certainly done wonders with those children, Hattie. I hope it lasts. By the way, Frockmorton, there's something I've had on my mind. Oh, what's that? The children. Yes? And have you ever considered what would happen to them in the event that you, um, passed on? Passed on? Died. I'm not going to die. Yes, but if you did, you ought to consider that, you know. What provision is made for them in the event of your demise? D-Demise? Well, I don't remember exactly Hattie. All in the thing there. There's what you call it, you know, the legal papers. I must say you don't seem very clear about it, but if you say it's taken care of... Wait a minute. Maybe you'd like to talk to Judge Hooker about this. Well, it's no business of mine. You're the children's guardian. No, I think you've got a very good point there, Hattie. The judge is a regular bearcat and all that legal stuff. Tell you what I'll do. I'll call him right up. Well, I didn't mean to. The judge would love to talk to you about it. I'll ask him to come over this evening. Are you sure he wouldn't mind? Mind? He's been dying to meet you. Oh, you'll be crazy about the judge. A wonderful fellow and a great mind. Yeah, the old schemer. The thing I hate is the schemer. Hello? Judge Hooker there. Well, put him on, please. This is Mr. Gillis' leave. The judge just came into his office. Hello, Judge? Gillis? Judge? I wonder if you could come over to my house this evening on a matter of business. Yeah, it has to do with the estate. Ms. Forester would like to discuss. Now, wait a minute. I don't care what social engagement you have. Oh, it's not for me. I'm telling you. This is business, Judge, and it's mighty important. Either you're the executor of this estate or you're not. Which is it? Well, you get over here. Understand? Yeah. Is he coming? Oh, the judge says he'd be delighted. Fine. Yes, sir, if there's anything I hate, it's a schemer. Yeah. We'll be with us again in just a few seconds. You know, those active youngsters of yours and the hard-working grown-ups too need plenty of good nourishing foods these strenuous days. So to help provide some of that vital energy your family needs, serve delicious nourishing parquet margarine and parquet meal. Include parquet margarine and lunchbox sandwiches too because this spread that tastes so good is also one of America's best energy foods. What's more, parquet provides your family with some of that important vitamin A they need every day for good nutrition. Kraft, you see, fortifies every single pound of parquet with a guaranteed 9,000 units of vitamin A. So serve parquet often for its grand flavor goodness and also for the splendid nourishment it provides. When you buy margarine, insist on parquet. P-A-R-K-A-Y Parquet margarine, the Kraft quality spread for bread. Yes, Kraft makes parquet. Now let's get back to the great Gilder sleeve, that crafty fellow. It's a little before 8 o'clock in the evening and we find him with his hat and coat on his hand on the knob of his front door about to make what looks like a getaway. Uh, Hattie, you're sure you don't mind my going out for a few minutes? Not at all, Dr. Martin. Not at all, Dr. Martin. Not at this meeting is as important as you say. Oh, you were going to an important meeting, huh? Very important. It's with the chief of police, Mr. Gates and Mr. Munson and, well, it's a little group of professional men. Be careful of that cold, Leroy. We wouldn't want Aunt Hattie to have the nurse you threw a nulness, would we? Oh, I'm all right. I'm honest. Just watch it. Well, Hattie, you won't be alone. You'll be arriving in a few minutes, and you'll be crazy about it. Oh, I'm sure he's very nice. Oh, he is. Well, I'll be going. Uh, Leroy, in case I don't get back before you're in bed, good night. Bye, Uncle Mort. See you later, Hattie. Oh, uh, one more thing. If you should finish up your legal business before I get back. Judge Hooker just loves cribbing. Well... I'm going to the policeman. Don't fence me in. Oh, yeah, yeah. That opera singer sings it every week on the radio. Yeah, real pretty tune. You know the prisoner's song? Oh, bye. Mind off a business chief. We're here to relax tonight. I'm relaxed. Who I understand we're going to have an election of officers. Oh, Hooker speaks to you, too? Oh, he said something about it. I think the old windbag wants to be the president. Why not? I think you'd make a pretty good president. Give the club a little dignity. Are you kidding? This club wouldn't have no dignity if Patrick Henry was the president. Hilda Sleeves. Speaking of windbags. Well, there are two here now, Commissioner. With him, that's three and a half. Well, well, good evening, Dolly Boys. Remember me? Hilda Sleeves, the name. Glad to see you, Commissioner. I'm a chair, Commissioner. I thought your sister-in-law had you locked up for the night. What you do? Shinny down the rain pipe? I simply announced I was going to a meeting, Floyd. I announced it in loud, clear tones. Yeah, I know them tones. Do you mind if I go to a meeting tonight, lovey-dovey? Well, I'm here anyway, fellas, and the judge is trapped for the evening. Oh, now, Hilda Sleeves, I don't know whether you should have done that or not. The judge has his heart set on this election. What do we want with the president anyway? Oh, we should have a secretary, too. Get a secretary. He's got a right letter. All we want to do is play a little poker. Just the same. By the way, Hooker, it'd be a good present. Uh, tell me, Chief, what office did he promise you? The reason I mentioned it, he promised... We said he'd make me sick right there at Old Double Cross. Everything makes a man lose his faith in human nature. All of us sure Hooker is human. Right. Now... Second to nomination. I third. Too bad, P.V., you just missed the election. Yeah, but you're just in time for a toast to the victorious candidate. Yes, yes, that's right. Everybody have a quick one, then we'll play some poker. Open them up, Floyd. Coming up. Hey, Art Commissioner. Oh, these ones got a pop on it. Chief. Thanks. And one for the P.V. and one for me. Hey, they're nice and cold. Yeah, I haven't been sitting out on your windowsill all afternoon. The finest dog catcher this club ever had. Well, I wouldn't say that. Close 10 o'clock and no Hooker. Sitting there with that old battle egg. Somebody's fit to be side. You don't mind, Floyd. My sister-in-law is not a battle ex. No offense, Commissioner. She's a woman of character. That's what I said. And every inch a lady. Isn't that right, P.V.? Oh, absolutely. P.V. knows her. She's one of the best customers. Isn't she, P.V.? She's been a very good customer on your charge account. Well, that'll stop soon. She's leaving. Say, say, fellas, is this a lady's coffee clatch of the Jolly Boys? How about some poker? Yeah, yeah. What about a little card? Whenever you're ready, gents. Last round starts at 12-shot. Gentlemen, if I may, I'd like to propose another form of entertainment. Not poker? What's the matter with you, P.V.? I'm a little tired of poker. He's off his stick. Don't pay any attention to him. P.V. is all right. What's your proposal, P.V.? Well, how about some nice brain ticklers? They're a lot of fun and nobody gets hurt. Brain ticklers? What do you mean, brain ticklers? Well, I'll give you an example. That's a good one. A fella comes home every day on the train. The train gets in at 5 o'clock, and every day his chauffeur meets the train to drive the fella home. He must have money. He reaches home at... I wish we could get him in our poker game. Stop interrupting me, Floyd, please. Yes, Floyd. Stop interrupting. Thank you. The train arrives at 5, and the chauffeur gets him home at 6 every day. But one day... there's quite a waste of the station. He lives in a fashionable neighborhood, Floyd. Stop interrupting me. Yes, stop interrupting. Now, go ahead, P.V. Thank you. Now, one day the fella takes an early train. He gets in at 4 o'clock instead of 5. So he decides to start walking home. Do you think this will ever replace poker, Commissioner? Now, fellas, let's give him a chance. Is there much more of this, P.V.? Just a little. The fella starts walking, and after a while, along comes his chauffeur on his way to meet the 5 o'clock train. So he picks him up and drives him home, and he gets home just at his regular time. Now, the question is, how long did the fellow walk? Isn't that a dinger? I'll let you boys figure it out while I have another coat. Yeah, give me one too, will you, Floyd? Yeah, me too, Floyd. Say, how about a song? Yeah, let's have a song. Oh, I feel just like a song. Oh, of course. Aren't you going to solve the brain tickler? Oh, that. Well, I didn't really get all the details, P.V., the way everybody kept interrupting. Well, I'll tell it to you again, Mr. Gilligan. This fella comes home on your train every day. If you have a coke, then quit worrying about that rich commuter. Thanks, Floyd. Now, his train gets in at 5 o'clock. Oh, then the chauffeur drives him home. That's right. The chauffeur gets him home at 6 o'clock. But on this one particular day... Excuse me just a moment, P.V. Floyd, did you bring a new deck of cards tonight? Yes, sir, got them right in my pocket. Fine. Sorry, P.V. The chauffeur drives to the station every day at 6 o'clock. I know. He gets home at 6 o'clock. Oh, I've got it. I know the answer. You can't know the answer. I haven't finished stating the problem. The man usually arrives at 5, but one day he arrives at 4. Oh, yes. Just a moment, P.V., if you don't mind. Say, Floyd... On that day, he starts walking home. What is it, Commissioner? His chauffeur starts at the usual time. Wait a minute, P.V. Fix me up another coke, will you? You bet. Now, P.V., sorry. This chauffeur meets the man and drives him home. Put a piece of ice in it, Floyd. All right, P.V. Well, P.V., what about the brain tickling? Ah, go to grass. You can tickle your own brain. Here's your coke, Commissioner. Oh, thanks, Floyd. I just a shame poor old hooker has to miss all this fun. The club doesn't seem the same without it. You're right, Commissioner. It doesn't seem fair for us to be having all this fun with him not here. I think we ought to drink a toast to the judge's empty chair. It's far from empty, Floyd. Mr. Gildersleeve is sitting in it. Well, let's have the toast anyway. Two absent friends. Two absent friends. Ah, good old hooker. Got a heart as big as all outdoors. And just as cold. Floyd, how can you speak that way of our dear absent friend? Just slipped out, Commissioner. I could have bit my tongue out as soon as I said it. Well, I'm glad to hear that. I yield to no man in my admiration of Judge Hooker as a gentleman, as a scholar, as a poker player. He sings a pretty fair baritone, too, fellas. He sings like a nightingale. A tone-deaf nightingale. Say, how about a little song as a tribute to the judge? When for that? Well, we could do his old favorite. Oh, promise me that one day when I... Go on with it with him not here. Say, how about the banks of the Wabash? He always loved that. Wabash it is. Come on, play it, Floyd. I'll just give us a chord. All right, here we go. Oh, the moonlight spares. You want to be like me? No, no, I didn't say that. You go home every night, and what do you do? You read the paper, you listen to the radio while, and then you go to bed. You're in a rut? Yeah, pretty nice rut. Not for me, boy. Say, isn't that Judge Hooker's car? No, I wouldn't know. Certainly it is. I'd know this fender anywhere. They must be having quite a legal discussion in there. Yeah, a discussion, nothing. If I know Hattie, she's hooked him into a cribbage game. The judge will never forgive me for this, Pee-Vee. Yeah, I guess I'll be going along. Good night, Mr. Gellister. Good night, Pee-Vee. Thanks for your company. The pleasure was mine. Yes, sir. He's still in here. One day I had a delightful evening, Gildy. And so have I, not Morton. And guess what? What, Hattie? The judge has been so charming, he's persuaded me to stay another few weeks. People don't mind. I'd like to talk for a minute about something more important. You know, there's a lot of money around these days. There's not much to spend it on. So it's a temptation to throw it away on stuff we don't really want. All I want to say is, don't. There's a man coming around to your house pretty soon with a better proposition. Most of us have someone pretty close to us in the war by now. The money we'd blow today without thinking could save his life tomorrow, if we stopped to think. Look at the men in uniform you see on the street these days. The men who are fighting this war for us. They're kids, most of them. A lot of them have never even been away from home before. And they're a long way from home now. They need more than just weapons and training and food. They need a little comfort now and then when it's possible. They need assurance that everything's being taken care of back home. They need diversion and rest from the strain of battle. They need care when they're wounded and blood when they've given theirs. All these things the Red Cross can give them. But it can give these things only if we give to the Red Cross. So when we're called upon and it won't be long now, let's be ready. Not with an alibi, but with every cent we can scrape up. Show me any place where you can get more for your money. Good night everybody and take it over will you?