 Book 6, Chapter 11 of the Mill on the Floss. Maggie had been four days at her aunt's mosses, giving the early June sunshine quite a new brightness in the care-dimmed eyes of that affectionate woman, and making an epoch for her cousins, great and small, who were learning her words and actions by heart, as if she had been a transient avatar of perfect wisdom and beauty. She was standing on the causeway with her aunt and a group of cousins feeding the chickens at that quiet moment in the life of the farm yards before the afternoon milking time. The great buildings round the hollow yard were as dreary and tumble down as ever, but over the old garden wall the struggling rose bushes were beginning to toss their summer weight, and the grey wood and old bricks of the house, on its higher level, had a look of sleepy age in the broad afternoon sunlight that suited the queasy and time. Maggie, with her bonnet over her arm, was smiling down at the hatch of small fluffy chickens, when her aunt exclaimed, goodness me, who is that gentleman coming in at the gate? It was a gentleman on a tall day horse, and the flanks and neck of the horse were streaked black with fast-riding. Maggie felt a beating at head and heart, horrible as the sudden leaping to life of a savage enemy who had feigned death. Who is it, my dear? said Mrs. Moss, seeing in Maggie's face the evidence that she knew. It is Mr. Steven Guest, said Maggie rather faintly. My cousin Lucy's, well, a gentleman who is very intimate at my cousins. Steven was already close to them, had jumped off his horse and now raised his hat as he advanced. Hold the horse, Willie, said Mrs. Moss to the 12-year-old boy. No, thank you, said Steven, pulling at the horse's impatiently tossing head. I must be going again immediately. I have a message to deliver to you, Miss Tulliver, on private business. May I take the liberty of asking you to walk a few yards with me? He had a half-jaded, half-irritated look, such as a man gets when he has been dug by some care or annoyance that makes his bed and his dinner of little use to him. He spoke abruptly, as if his errand were too pressing for him to trouble himself about what would be thought by Mrs. Moss of his visit and request. Good Mrs. Moss, rather nervous in the presence of this apparently haughty gentleman, was inwardly wondering whether she would be doing right or wrong to invite him again to leave his horse and walk in, when Maggie, feeling all the embarrassment of the situation and unable to say anything, put on her bonnet and turned to walk toward the gate. Steven turned to and walked by her side, leaving his horse. Not a word was spoken till they were out in the lane and had walked four or five yards, when Maggie, who had been looking straight before her all the while, turned again to walk back, saying with haughty resentment, there is no need for me to go any farther. I don't know whether you consider it gentlemanly and delicate conduct to place me in a position that forced me to come out with you or whether you wish to insult me still further by thrusting an interview upon me in this way. Of course you're angry with me for coming, said Steven bitterly. Of course it is of no consequence when a man has to suffer. It is only your woman's dignity that you care about. Maggie gave a slight start, such as might have come from the slightest possible electric shock. As if it were not enough that I am entangled in this way, that I am mad with love for you, that I resist the strongest passion a man can feel because I try to be true to other claims. But you must treat me as if I were a coarse brute who would willingly offend you. And when, if I had my own choice, I should ask you to take my hand and my fortune and my whole life and do what you like with them. I know I forgot myself. I took an unwarrantable liberty. I hate myself for having done it. But I repented immediately. I've been repenting ever since. You want not to think it unpardonable. A man who loves with his whole soul, as I do you, is liable to be mastered by his feelings for a moment. But you know, you must believe that the worst pain I could have is to have pain due that I would give the world to recall my error. Maggie dared not speak, dared not to turn her head. The strength that had come from resentment was all gone and her lips were quivering visibly. She could not trust herself to utter the full forgiveness that rose in answer to that confession. They were come nearly in front of the gate again, and she paused, trembling. You must not say these things. I must not hear them. She said, looking down in misery, as Stephen came in front of her to prevent her from going farther toward the gate. I'm very sorry for any pain you have to go through, but it is of no use to speak. Yes, it is of use, said Stephen, impetuously. It would be of use if you would treat me with some sort of pity and consideration, instead of doing me vile injustice in your mind. I could bear everything more quietly if I knew you didn't hate me for an insolent coxcomb. Look at me. See what a hunted devil I am. I've been riding 30 miles every day to get away from the thought of you. Maggie did not, dared not, look. She had already seen the harassed face, but she said gently, I don't think any evil of you. Then, dearest, look at me, said Stephen, in deepest, tenderest tones of entreaty. Don't go away from me yet. Give me a moment's happiness. Make me feel you've forgiven me. Yes, I do forgive you, said Maggie, shaken by those tones, and all the more frightened at herself. But pray, let me go in again. Pray, go away. A great tear fell from under her lowered eyelids. I can't go away from you. I can't leave you, said Stephen, with still more passionate pleading. I shall come back again if you send me away with this coldness. I can't answer for myself. But if you will go with me only a little way, I can live on that. You see, plainly enough that your anger has only made me ten minutes more unreasonable. Maggie turned, but Tankred, the bay horse, began to make such spirited remonstrances against the frequent change of direction that Stephen, catching sight of Willymoss peeping through the gate, called out, Here, just come and hold my horse for five minutes. Oh no, said Mary hurriedly. My aunt will think it's so strange. Never mind, Stephen answered impatiently. They don't know the people that send dogs. Lead them up and down just here for five minutes, he added to Willie, who was now close to them. And then he turned to Maggie side and they walked on. It was clear that she must go on now. Take my arm, said Stephen, intrudingly, and she took it, feeling all the while as if she were sliding downward in a nightmare. There is no end to this misery, she began, struggling to repel the influence by speech. It is wicked, base, ever allowing a word or look that Lucy that others might not have seen. Think of Lucy. I do think of her. Bless her. If I didn't, Stephen had laid his hand on Maggie's that rested on his arm and they both felt difficult to speak. And I have other ties, Maggie went on at last with a desperate effort, even if Lucy did not exist. You're engaged to Philip Wakeham, said Stephen Haseley. Is it so? I consider myself engaged to him. I don't mean to marry anyone else. Stephen was silent again until they had turned out of the sun into a side lane, all grassy and sheltered. Then he burst out impetuously. It is unnatural. It is horrible. Maggie, if you love me as I love you, we should throw everything else to the winds for the sake of belonging to each other. We should break all these mistaken ties that were made in blindness and determined to marry each other. I would rather die than fall into that temptation, said Maggie, with deep, slow distinctness, all the gathered spiritual force of painful years coming to her aid in this extremity. She drew her arm from his as she spoke. Tell me, then, that you don't care for me, he said, almost violently. Tell me that you love someone else better. It darted through Maggie's mind that here was a mode of releasing herself from outward struggle to tell Stephen that her whole heart was Phillips, but her lips would not utter that and she was silent. If you do love me, dearest, said Stephen gently, taking her hand again and laying it within his arm. It is better. It is right that we should marry each other. We can't help the pain it will give. It has come upon us without our seeking. It is natural. It has taken hold of me in spite of every effort I have made to resist it. God knows I've been trying to be faithful to tested engagements and I've only made things worse. I'd better have given way at first. Maggie was silent. If it were not wrong, if she were once convinced of that and need no longer beaten struggle against his current, soft and yet strong as a summer stream. Save his stearest, said Stephen, leaning to look intriguingly in her face. What could we care about in the whole world beside if we belong to each other? Her breath was on his face. His lips were very near hers. But there was a great dread dwelling in his love for her. Her lips and eyelids quivered. She opened her eyes full on his for an instant like a lovely wild animal, timid and struggling under caresses and then turned sharp round toward home again. And after all he went on in an impatient tone, trying to defeat his own scruples as well as hers. I am breaking no positive engagement. If Lucy's affections had been withdrawn from me and given to someone else, I should have felt no right to assert a claim on her. If you're not absolutely pledged to Philip, we are neither of us bound. You don't believe that. It is not your real feeling, said Maggie earnestly. You feel, as I do, that the real tie lies in the feelings and expectations we have raised in other minds. As all pledges might be broken when there was no outward penalty, there would be no such thing as faithfulness. Stephen was silent. He could not pursue that argument. The opposite conviction had fought in him too strongly through his previous time of struggle. But it soon presented itself in a new form. The pledge can't be fulfilled, he said with impetuous insistence. It is unnatural. We can only pretend to give ourselves to anyone else and there was wrong in that too. There may be misery in it for them as well as for us. Maggie, you must see that. You do see that. He was looking eagerly at her face for the least sign of compliance. His large, firm, gentle grasp was on her hand. She was silent for a few moments with her eyes fixed on the ground. Then she drew a deep breath and said, looking up at him with solemn sadness, oh, it is difficult. Life is very difficult. It seems right to me sometimes that we should follow our strongest feeling. But then such feelings continually come across the ties that all our formal life has made for us. The ties that have made others dependent on us and would cut them in two. If life were quite as easy as it might have been in paradise and we could always see that one being first toward whom. Well, I mean, if life did not make duties for us before love comes, love would be a sign that two people ought to belong to each other. But I see I feel it is not so now. There are many things you must renounce in life. Some of us must resign love. Many things are difficult and dark to me, but I see one thing quite clearly that I must not, cannot seek my own happiness by sacrificing others. Love is natural, but surely pity and faithfulness and memory are natural too, and they would live in me still and punish me if I did not obey them. I should be haunted by the suffering I had caused. Our love would be poisoned. Don't urge me. Help me. Help me because I love you. Maggie had become more and more earnest as she went on. Her face had become flushed and her eyes fuller and fuller of appealing love. Stephen had the fiber of nobleness in him that vibrated to her peel. But in the same moment, how could it be otherwise, that pleading beauty gave new power over him. Dearest, he said, and scarcely more than a whisper while his arms stole round her. I'll do, I'll bear anything you wish, but one kiss, one, the lost before we part. One kiss and then a long look until Maggie said tremulously, let me go, let me make haste back. She hurried along and not another word was spoken. Stephen stood still and beckoned when they came within sight of Willie and the horse and Maggie went on through the gate. Mrs. Moss was standing alone at the door of the old porch. She had sent all the cousins in with kind thoughtfulness. It might be a joyful thing that Maggie had a rich and handsome lover, but she would naturally feel embarrassed at coming in again and it might not be joyful. In either case, Mrs. Moss waited anxiously to receive Maggie by herself. The speaking face told plainly enough that if there was joy, it was of a very agitating dubious sort. Sit down here a bit, my dear. She drew Maggie into the porch and sat down on the bench by her. There was no privacy in the house. Oh, Auntie Gritty, I'm very wretched. I wish I could have died when I was 15. It seems so easy to give things up then. It is so hard now. The poor child threw her arms around her aunt's neck and fell into long, deep sobs. End of book 6, chapter 11, recording by Sarefina Zeranski in Utrecht, Holland. Book 6, chapter 12 of the Myrtle and the Floss. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Recording by Sarefina Zeranski. The Mill on the Floss by George Elliott. Book 6, The Great Countation, chapter 12, a family party. Maggie left her good aunt Gritty at the end of the week and went to Garen Fiers to pay her visit to Aunt Pullett, according to her agreement. In meantime, very unexpected things had happened. And there was to be a family party at Garen to discuss and celebrate a change in the fortunes of the Tulliverse, which was likely finally to carry away the shadow of their demerits, like the last limo than eclipse, and cause their hitherto obscured virtues to shine forth in full, rounded splendor. It is pleasant to know that a new ministry, just coming to office, are not the only fellow men who enjoy a period of high appreciation and full-blown eulogy. In many respectable families throughout this realm, relatives become incredible meet with a similar cordiality of recognition, which in its fine freedom from the coercion of any antecedents suggests the hopeful possibility that we may someday, without any notice, find ourselves in full millennium with cockatrices who have ceased to bite and wolves that no longer show their teeth with any but the blandest intentions. Lucy came so early as to have the start even of Aunt Gleg, for she longed to have some undisturbed talk with Maggie about the wonderful news. It seemed did it not, said Lucy, with her prettiest air of wisdom, as if everything, even other people's misfortunes, poor creatures, are conspiring now to make poor dear Aunt Tulliver and cousin Tom and Naughty Maggie too, if she were not so obstinately bent on the contrary, as happy as they had deserved to be after all their troubles. To think that the very day, the very day after Tom had come back from Newcastle, that unfortunate young Jetson, who Mr. Wacom had placed at the mill, had been pitched of his horse in a drunken fit, and was lying at St. Augs in a dangerous state, so that Wacom had signified his wish that the new purchasers should enter on the premises at once. It was very dreadful for that unhappy young man, but it did seem as if the misfortune had happened then, rather than at any other time, in order that cousin Tom might all the sooner have the fit reward of his exemplary conduct. Papa thought so very highly of him. On Tulliver must certainly go to the mill now and keep house for Tom. That was rather a loss to Lucy in the matter of household comfort. But then, to think of poor Auntie being in her old place again, and gradually getting her comforts about her there. On this last point, Lucy had her cunning projects, and when she and Maggie had made their dangerous way down the bright stairs into the handsome parlor, where the very sum beam seemed cleaner than elsewhere, she directed her maneuvers, as any other great tactician would have done, against the weaker side of the enemy. On Pullet, she said, seeding herself on the sofa, and caressingly adjusting that lady's floating cap stream, I want you to make up your mind what linen and things you will give Tom toward housekeeping, because you are always so generous, you give such nice things, you know, and if you set the example, Uncle Egg will follow. That she never came, my dear, said Mrs. Pullet, with unusual vigor. Before she hasn't got the linen to follow suit with mine, I can tell you, she'd never the taste, not if she'd spent the money, big checks and live things, like stags and foxes all her table linen is, not a spot nor a diamond among them, but it is poor work dividing one's linen before one dies, and never thought to have done that, Bessie. Mrs. Pullet continued, shaking her head and looking at her sister, Tulliver, when you and me chose the double diamond, the first flax ever would spun, and the Lord knows where yours is now. Well, I'd no choice, I'm sure, sister, said poor Mrs. Tulliver, accustomed to consider herself in the light of an accused person. I'm sure it was no wish of mine, as I should lie awake on nights thinking of my best bleach linen all over the country. Take a peppermint, Mrs. Tulliver, said Uncle Pullet, fearing that he was offering a cheap and wholesome form of comfort, which he was recommending my example. Oh, but Aunt Pullet, said Lucy, you've so much beautiful linen, and suppose you had had daughters, then you must have divided it when they married. Well, I don't say as I won't do it, said Mrs. Pullet. For now, Tom's so lucky, it's nothing but right his friend should look on him and help him. There's the tablecloth I bought at your sale, Bessie. It was nothing but good nature of me to buy him, for they've been lying in the chest ever since. But I'm not going to give Maggie any more of my Indie Muslim and things, if she's to go into service again, when she might stay and keep me company and do my sewing for me, if she wasn't wanted at her brother's. Going into service was the expression by which the dots of mind represented to itself the position of teacher or governess, and Maggie's return to that menial condition, how circumstances offered her more eligible prospects, was likely to be a sore point with all her relatives besides Lucy. Maggie, in her crude form with her hair down her back and altogether in a state of dubious promise, was at once ornamental and useful. The subject was revived in aunt and uncle Gleg's presence over the Tia muffins. Said Mr. Gleg, good naturedly patting Maggie on the back. Nonsense, nonsense. Don't let us hear of you taking your place again, Maggie. Why you must have picked up half a dozen sweethearts at the Bazaar. Isn't that one of them the right sort of article? Come now. Mr. Gleg, said his wife, with that shade of increased politeness and a severity, which she always put on with her crisper fronts, you'll excuse me, but you're far too light for a man of your years. It's respect and duty to our aunts. And the rest of our kinners are so good to her, should have kept my niece from fixing about going away again, without consulting us. Not sweethearts, if I'm to use such a word, though it was never heard of in my family. Why, what did they call us when we went to see him then neighbor pull it? They thought us sweet enough then, said Mr. Gleg, winking pleasantly while Mr. Pullit, at the suggestion of sweetness, took a little more sugar. Mr. Gleg, said Mrs. G, if you're going to be on delicate, let me know. La Jane, your husband's only joking, said Mrs. Pullit. Let him joke while he's got health and strength. There's poor Mr. Tilt got his mouth drawn all on side and couldn't laugh if he was to try. I'll trouble you for the muffineer then, Mr. Gleg, said Mrs. G, if I may be so bold to interrupt your joking. Though it's other people must see the joke in a niece's putting a slight on her mother's elder sister as if the head of the family and only coming in and out on short visits all the time she's been in the town and then settling to go away without my knowledge as I laying caps out on purpose for her to make him up for me and me as have divided my money so equal. Sister, this is tell of a broken anxiously I'm sure Maggie never thought of going away without staying at your house as well as the others. Now this is my wish that she should go away at all, but quite contrary. I'm sure I'm innocent and I've said over and over again my dear, you have no call to go away but there's ten days or a fortnight Maggie will have before she speaks to go and she can stay at your house just as well and I'll step in when I can and so will Lucy. Bessie, said Mrs. Gleg, if you'd exercise a little more thought you might know I should hardly think it was worthwhile to ump in a bed and go to all that trouble now just at the end of the time when our house is in above a quarter of an hour work for Mr. Deans. She can come the first thing in the morning and go back the last at night and be thankful she's got a good aunt so close to her to come and sit with. I know I should when I was her age. La Jane, said Mrs. Pillett, it'll do your beds good to have somebody sleep in him. There's that stripped room smells dreadful of mold and the glass milled weed like anything. I'm sure I thought I should be struck with death when you took me in. Oh, there's Tom exclaimed Lucy clapping your hands. He's come on Simba. They told him. I was afraid he wasn't going to keep to his promise. Maggie jumped up to kiss Tom as he entered with strong feeling at this first meeting since the prospect of returning to the Mill had been open to him and she kept his hand leading him to the chair by her side to have no cloud between herself and Tom was still a perpetual yearning in her that had its route deeper than all change. He smiled at her very kindly this evening and said while Maggie house on moss come come sir said Mr. like putting out his hand why you're such a big man you carry all before you it seems you're coming to your luck a good deal earlier than us old folks did but I wish you joy I wish you joy you'll get the Mill for your own again someday I'll be bound you won't stop halfway up the hill but I hope he'll bear in mind as it is his mother's family has he owes it to said Mrs. Gleg if he hadn't had them to take care after he'd have been poorly off that was never any failures nor allowing nor wastefulness in our family nor dying without wills no nor sudden deaths said on pull it a lady's the doctor called in but Tom had the doubts and skin I set that from the first and I don't know what you mean to do sister Gleg but I mean to give him a tablecloth of all my three biggest sizes but one besides sheets I don't say what more I shall do but that I shall do and if I should die tomorrow Mr. pull it you'll bear it in mind though you'll be blundering with the keys and never remember as that on the third shelf of the left hand wardrobe behind the night caps with broad ties not the narrow filled ones is the key of the drawer in the blue room where the key of the blue is closet is you'll make a mistake and I shall never be worthy to know it give a memory for my pills and draughts wonderful I always say that of you but you're lost among the keys this gloomy prospect of the confusion that would ensue her disease was very affecting on Mrs. pull it while you carry it too far Sophie that locking in and out said Mrs. Glegg in a tone of some disgust at this folly you go beyond your own family there's nobody can say I don't lock up but I do what's reasonable and no more and as for the linen I shall look out what's serviceable to make a present to my nephew I've got cloth as has never been whitened better with having than other people's fine Holland and I hope he'll lie down in it and think of his aunt Tom thank Mrs. Glegg but evaded any promise to meditate nightly on our virtues and Mrs. Glegg affected a diversion for him by asking about Mr. Dean's intentions concerning steam Lucy had had her four-sided views in begging Tom to come on Simbat it appeared when it was time to go home that the man servant was to ride the horse and cousin Tom was to drive home his mother and Lucy you must it by yourself auntie said the contriving young lady because I'm a sit by Tom I have a great deal to say to him in the eagerness of her affectionate anxiety for Maggie Lucy could not persuade herself to defer a conversation about her with Tom who she thought with such a cup of joy before him as this rapid fulfillment of his wish about the Mill must be compliant and flexible her nature supplied her with no keys to Tom's and she was puzzled as well as pained to notice the unpleasant change on his countessness when she gave him the history of the way in which Philip had used his influence with his father she had counted on this revelation as a great stroke of policy which was to turn Tom's heart toward Philip at once and besides that proved that the elder Wacom was ready to receive Maggie with all the honors of a daughter-in-law nothing was wanted then but for dear Tom who always had that pleasant smile when he looked at cousin Lucy to turn completely round say the opposite of what he had always said before and declare that for his part he was delighted that all the old grievances should be healed and that Maggie should have Philip with all suitable dispatch in cousin Lucy's opinion nothing could be easier but to mine strongly marked by the positive and negative qualities that create severity strength of will conscious rectitude of purpose narrowness of imagination and intellect great power of self-control and disposition to exert control over others prejudices come as the natural food of tendencies which can get no sustenance out of that complex fragmentary doubt-provoking knowledge which we call truth let a prejudice be bequeathed carried in the air adopted by hearsay caught in through the eye however it may come these minds will give it a habitation it is something to exert strongly and bravely something to fill up the void of spontaneous ideas something to impose on others with the authority of conscious right it is at once a staff and the baiton every prejudice that will answer these purposes is self-evident our good upright Tom Tulliver's mind was of this class his inward criticism of his father's faults did not prevent him from adopting his father's prejudice it was a prejudice against a man of lax principle and lax life and it was a meeting point for all the disappointed feelings of family and personal pride other feelings added their force to produce Tom's bitter repungence to Philip and to Maggie's union with them and notwithstanding Lucy's power over her strong-willed cousin she got nothing but a cold refusal ever to sanction such a marriage but of course Maggie could do as she liked she had declared her determination to be independent for Tom's part he held himself bound by his duty to his father's memory and by every manly feeling never to consent to any relation with the Wacom's thus all that Lucy had affected by her zealous of meditation was to fill Tom's mind with the expectation that Maggie's perverse resolve to go into a situation again with presently metamorph itself as a resolves were apt to do into something equally perverse but entirely different a marriage with Philip Wacom end of book 6 chapter 12 recording by Sarah Phena Seranski in Utrecht Holland book 6 chapter 13 of the Mill on the Floss this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org The Mill on the Floss by George Elliott book 6 The Great Temptation chapter 13 born along by the tide in less than a week Maggie was at St. Ogg's again outwardly in much the same position as when her visit there had just begun it was easy for her to fill her mornings apart from Lucy without any obvious effort for she had her promise visits to pay to her aunt Greg and it was natural that she should give her mother more than usual of her companionship in these last weeks especially as there were preparations to be thought of for Tom's housekeeping but Lucy would hear of no pretexts for her remaining away in the evenings she must always come from aunt Greg's before dinner else what shall I have of you said Lucy with a tearful part that could not be resisted and this to Stephen guest had unaccountably taken to dining at Mr. Deans as often as possible instead of avoiding that as he used to do at first he began his mornings with a resolution that he would not dine there not even go in the evening till Maggie was away he had even devised a plan of starting off on a journey in this agreeable dune weather the headaches which had constantly been alleging as grounds for stupidity and silence were a sufficient ostensible motive but the journey was not taken and by the fourth morning no distinct resolution was formed about the evenings they were only for seen as times when Maggie would still be present for a little while when one more touch one more glance might be snatched for why not there was nothing to conceal between them they knew they had confessed their love and they had renounced each other they were going to part honor and conscience were going to divide them Maggie with that appeal from her inmost soul had decided it but surely they might cast a lingering look at each other across the gulf before they turned away never to look again till that strange light had forever faded out of their eyes Maggie all this time moved about with a quiescence an even torpor of manner so contrasted with her usual fistful brightness and honor that Lucy would have had to seek some other cause for such a change if she had not been convinced that the position in which Maggie stood between Philip and her brother and the prospect of her self-imposed weariness and banishment were quite enough to account for a large amount of depression but under this torpor there was a fierce battle of emotions such as Maggie in all her life of struggle had never known or foreboded it seemed to hers if all the worst evil in her had lain in ambushed all now and had suddenly started up full armed with hideous overpowering strength there were moments in which a cruel selfishness seemed to be getting possession of her why should not Lucy why should not Philip suffer she had had to suffer through many years of her life and who had renounced anything for her and when something like that fullness of existence love wealth ease refinement all that her nature craved was bought within her reach why was she to forego it that another might have it another who perhaps needed it less but amidst all this new passionate tumult there were the old voices making themselves heard with rising power till from time to time the tumult seemed quelled was that existence which tempted her the full existence she dreamed where then would be all the memories of early striving all the deep pity for another's pain which had been nurtured in her three years of affection and hardship all the divine presentiment of something higher than mere personal enjoyment which had made the sacredness of life she might as well hope to enjoy walking by maiming her feet as hope to enjoy an existence in which she set out by maiming the faith and sympathy that were the best organs of her soul and then if pain was so hard to her what was it to others God preserved me from afflicting give me strength to bear it how has she sunk into this struggle with temptation that she would once have thought herself as secure from as from deliberate crime when was that first hateful moment in which she had been conscious of a feeling that clashed with her truth affection and gratitude and had not shaken lit from her with horror as if it had been a loathsome thing and yet since this strange sweet subduing influence did not should not conquer her since it was to remain simply in her own suffering her mind was meeting Stevens in that thought of his that they might still snatch moments of mute confession before the parting came for was he not suffering too she saw it daily saw it in the second look of fatigue with which as soon as he was not compelled to exert himself he relapsed into indifference towards everything but the possibility of watching her could she refuse sometimes to answer that beseeching look which she felt to be following her like a low murmur of love and pain she refused it less and less till at last the evening for both of them was sometimes made of a moment's mutual gaze they thought of it till it came and when it had come they thought of nothing else one other thing Stevens seemed now and then to care for and that was to sing it was a way of speaking to Maggie perhaps he was not distinctly conscious that he was impelled to it by a secret longing running counter to all his self-confessed resolves to deepen the hold he had on her watch your own speech and note how it is guided by your less conscious purposes and you will understand that contradiction in Stevens Philip Wacom was a less frequent visitor but he came occasionally in the evening and it happened that he was there when Lucy said as they sat out on the lawn near sunset now Maggie's tale of visits to Wacom is completed I mean that we shall go out boating every day until she goes she has not had half enough boating because of these tiresome visits and she likes it better than anything don't you Maggie better than any sort of locomotion I hope you mean said Philip smiling at Maggie who was lolling backwards in a low garden chair else she will be selling her soul to that ghostly boatman who hoards the floss only for the sake of being drifted in a boat forever should you like to be her boatman said Lucy because if you would you can come with us and take an oar if the floss were but a quiet lake instead of a river we should be independent of any gentlemen for Maggie can row splendidly as it is we are reduced to ask the services of knights and squires who do not seem to offer them with great alacquity she looked playful reproach at Stephen who was sorting up and down and was just singing in pianissimo falsetto the first day from the soul doth ride doth ask a dream divine he took no notice but still kept aloof he had done so frequently during Philip's recent visits you don't seem inclined for boating said Lucy when he came to sit down by her on the bench doesn't rowing through chenelle oh I hate a large party in a boat he said almost irritably I'll come when you have no one else Lucy coloured fearing that Philip would be heard it was quite a nude thing for Stephen to speak in that way but he had certainly not been well of late Philip coloured too but less from a feeling of personal offence than from a vague suspicion that Stephen's moodiness had some relation to Maggie who started up from her chair as he spoke and had walked towards the hedge of laurels to look down at the descending sunlight on the river as Miss Dean didn't know she was excluding others by inviting me said Philip I'm bound to resign no indeed you shall not said Lucy much vexed I particularly wish for your company tomorrow the time will suit at half past 10 it will be a delicious time for a couple of hours to wrote a luck with and walk back before the sun gets too hot and how can you object to full people in a boat she added looking at Stephen I don't object to people but the number said Stephen who had recovered himself and was rather ashamed if I voted for a fourth at all of course it would be you fill but we won't divide the pleasure of escorting the ladies will take it alternatively I'll go the next day this incident had the effect of drawing Philip's attention with fresh and solicitude towards Stephen and Maggie when they re-entered the house music was proposed and Mrs. Tullover and Mr. Dean being occupied with cribbage Maggie sat apart near the table where the books and work were placed doing nothing however to the music Stephen presently turned to a duet which he insisted that Lucy and Philip should sing he had often done the same thing before but this evening Philip thought he devised some double intention in every word and look of Stephen's and watched him keenly angry with himself all the while for this clinging suspicion for had not Maggie virtually denied any ground for his doubts on her side and she was truth itself it was impossible not to believe her word and glance when they had last spoken together in the garden Stephen might be strongly fascinated by her what was more natural but Philip felt himself rather base for intruding on what must be his friends painful secret still he watched Stephen moving away from the piano sorted slowly towards the table near which Maggie set and turned over the newspapers apparently in mere odd illness then he seated himself with his back to the piano dragging a newspaper under his elbow and thrusting his hand through his hair as if he had been attracted by some bit of local news in the Lacum Courier he was in reality looking at Maggie who had not taken the slightest notice of his approach she always has additional strength of resistance when Philip was present just as we can restrain our speech better in a spot we feel to be hallowed but at last she heard the word dearest that is in the softest tone of pain in treaty like that of a patient who asks for something that ought to have been given without asking she had never heard that word since the moments in the lane at Bassett when it had come from Stephen again and again almost as involuntarily as if it had been an articulate cry Philip could hear no word but he had moved to the opposite side of the piano and could see Maggie start and blush raise her eyes an instant towards Stephen's face but immediately look apprehensively towards himself it was not evident to her that Philip had observed her but a pang of shame under the sense of this concealment made her move from her chair and walked her mother's side to watch the game at Kribidge Philip went home soon after in a state of hideous doubt mixed with wretched certainty it was impossible for him now to resist the conviction that there was some mutual consciousness and for half the night his irritable susceptible nerves were pressed upon almost a frenzy by that one Richard fact he could attempt no explanation that would reconcile it with her words and actions when at last the need for belief in Maggie rose to its habitual predominance he was not long in imagining the truth she was struggling she was banishing herself this was the clue to all he had seen since his return but a thought that belief there came other possibilities that would not be driven out of sight his imagination wrought out the whole story Steven was madly in love with her he must have told her so she had rejected him and was hurrying away but would he give her up knowing Philip felt the fact with heart crushing despair that she was made half helpless by her feeling toward him when the morning came Philip was too ill to think of keeping his engagement to go in the boat and his present agitation he could decide on nothing he could only alternate between contradictory intentions first he thought he must have an interview with Maggie and then treated a confide in him then again he distrusted his own interference had he not been thrusting himself on Maggie all along she had added words long ago in her young ignorance it was enough to make her hate him that these should be continually present with her as a bond and had he any right to ask for a revelation of feelings which she had evidently intended to withhold from him he would not trust himself to see her till he had assured himself that he could act from pure anxiety for her and not from egoistic irritation he wrote a brief note to Stephen and sent it early by the servant saying that he was not well enough to fulfill his engagement to Miss Dean would Stephen take his excuse and fill his place Lucy had arranged a charming plan which made her quite content with Stephen's refusal to go in the boat she discovered that her father was to drive to Linden this morning at ten Linden was the very place she wanted to go to to make purchases important purchases which must by no means be put off for another opportunity and Aunt Tulliver must go too because she was concerned in some of the purchases you will have your row in the boat just the same you know she said to Maggie when they went out of the breakfast room and upstairs together Philip will be here at half past ten and it is a delicious morning now don't say a word against it you dear Dolores thing what's the use of me being a fairy godmother if you set your face against all the ones I work for you don't think of awful cousin Tom you may disappear a little Maggie did not persist in objecting she was almost glad of the plan for perhaps it would bring her some strength and calmness to be alone with Philip again it was like revisiting the scene of her quiet her life in which the very with the daily tumult of the present she prepared herself for the boat and half past ten sat waiting in the drawing room the ring of the doorbell was punctual and she was thinking with half sad affection of pleasure as a surprise Philip would have in finding that he was to be with her alone when she distinguished a firm rapid step across the hall that was certainly not Phillips the door opened and Stephen guest entered in the first moment they were both too much agitated to speak for Stephen had learned from the servant that the others were gone out Maggie had started up and sat down again with a heart beating violently and Stephen throwing down his cap and gloves came and sat by her in silence she thought Philip would be coming soon and with great effort for she trembled visibly she rose to go to a distant chair he is not coming said Stephen in a low tone I am going in the bow oh we can't go said Maggie sinking into her chair again Lucy did not expect she would be heard why is not Philip come he is not well he asked me to come instead Lucy's gone to Lindham said Maggie taking off her bonnet with hurried trembling fingers we must not go very well said Stephen dreamily looking at her as he rested his arm on the back of his chair then we'll stay here he was looking into her deep deep eyes far off and mysterious as the starlit blackness and yet very near and timidly loving Maggie set perfectly still perhaps for moments perhaps for minutes until the helpless trembling had ceased and there was a warm glow on her cheek the man is waiting he has taken the cushion she said will you go and tell him what shall I tell him said Stephen almost in a whisper he was looking at the lips now let us go to Stephen muttered and treating me rising and taking her hand to raise her to which will not belong together and they went Maggie felt she was being leaned down the garden among the roses being helped with firm tender care into the boat having the cushion and cloak arranged for her feet and at parasol opened for her which she had forgotten all by the stronger presence that seemed to bear her along without any act of her own well like the added self which comes with the sudden exalting influence of a strong tonic and she felt nothing else memory was excluded they glided rapidly along Stephen rowing helped by the backward flowing tide past the toft and trees and houses on between the silent sunny fields and pastures which seemed filled with a natural joy that had no reproach for theirs the breath of the young unwary day the delicious rhythmic dip of the oars the fragmentary song of a passing bird heard now and then as if it were only the overflowing of brimful gladness the sweet solitude of a twofold consciousness that was mingle into one by that grave untiring gaze which need not be averting what else could there be into their minds for the first hour some low subdued languid exclamation of love came from Stephen from time to time as he went on rowing idley half automatically otherwise they spoke no word for what could words have been but an inlet to thought and thought did not belong in that enchanted haze in which they were enveloped it belonged to the past and the future that lay outside the haze Maggie was only dimly conscious of the banks as they passed them and dwelt with no recognition on the villages she knew there was several to be passed before at all time she was so liable to fits of absence that she was likely enough to let her way marks passed unnoticed but at last Stephen who had been rowing more and more idley ceased to row laid down the oars folds his arm and looked down on the water as if watching the pace at which the boat glided without his help this sudden change rails Maggie she looked at the far stretching fields at the banks close by and felt they were entirely strange to her a terrible alarm took possession of her oh have we passed like fifth where we were to stop she exclaimed looking back to see if the place were out of sight no village was to be seen she turned round again with a look of distressed questioning at Stephen he went on watching the water and said in a strange dreamy absent tone yes a long way oh what shall I do kind Maggie in an agony we shall not get home for hours and Lucy oh god help me she clasped her hands and broke into a sob like a frightened child she thought of nothing but of meeting Lucy and seeing her look of pain surprise and doubt perhaps of just upgrading Stephen moved and sat near her and gently drew down the clasp pans Maggie he said in a deep tone of slow decision let us never go home again you'll no one can part us till we are married let us never go home again the unusual tone the startling words arrested Maggie's song and she said quite still wondering as if Stephen might have seen some possibilities that would alter everything and a null of wretched fact see Maggie how everything has come without her seeking in spite of all our efforts we never thought of being alone together again it is all been done by others see how the tide is carrying us out away from all those unnatural bonds that we have been trying to make faster around us and trying in vain it will carry us onto Torby and we can land there and get some carriage and hurry to York and then to Scotland and never pause a moment till we are bound to each other so that only death can part us it is the only right thing dearest it is the only way of escaping from this wretched entanglement everything has concurred to point it out to us we have contrived nothing we have thought of nothing ourselves Stephen spoke with deep earnest pleading Maggie listened passing for her startled wonderment to the yearning after that belief that the tide was doing it all that she might glide along with a swift silent stream and not struggle anymore but across that stealing influence came the terrible shadow of past thoughts and the sudden horror less now at last the moment of fatal intoxication was close upon her calling up feelings of angry resistance towards Stephen let me go she says in an agitated tone flashing an indignant look at him and trying to get her hands free you have wanted to deprive me of any choice you knew we were come too far you have dared to take advantage of my thoughtlessness it is unmanaged to bring me to such a position stung by this reproach he released her hands moved back to his former place and folded his arms in a sort of desperation at the difficulty make his words had made present to him if she would not consent to go on he must curse himself for the embarrassment he had led her into him but the reproach was the unendurable thing the one thing worse than parting with her was that she should feel he had acted unworthily towards her at last he says in a tone of suppressed rage I didn't notice that we had passed luck with until we had got to the next village and then it came to my mind that we would I can't justify it I ought to have told you it is enough to make you hate me since you don't love me well enough to make everything else indifferent to you as I do you shall I stop the boat and try to get you out here I'll tell Lucio as mad and it you hate me and you shall be clear of me forever no one can blame you because I have behaved unpardonably to you Maggie was paralyzed it was easier to resist Stevens pleading then this picture he had called up of himself suffering was vindicated easier even to turn away from his look of tenderness than from this look of angry misery that seemed to place her in selfish isolation from him had called up a state of feeling in which the reasons which had acted on her conscience seemed to be transmitted into mere self-regard the indignant fire in her eyes was quenched and she began to look at him with timid distress she had reproached him for being hurried into irrevocable trespass she who had been so weak herself as if I shouldn't feel what happened to you just the same she said with reproach of another kind the reproach of love asking for more trust this yielding to the idea of Stevens suffering was more fatal than the other yielding because it was less distinguishable from that sense of others' claims which was the moral basis of her resistance he felt all the relenting in her look and tone it was heaven opening again he moved to her side and took her hand leading his elbow on the back of the boat and saying nothing he dreaded to utter another word he dreaded to make another movement that might provoke another reproach or denial from her life hung on her consent everything else was hopeless confused sickening misery they glided along in this way both resting in that silence as in a haven both dreading this their feelings should be divided again till I became aware that the clouds had gathered and that the slightest perceptible freshening of the breeze was growing and growing so that the whole character of the day was altered you will be chill Maggie in this thin dress let me raise the cloak over your shoulders get up an instant dearest Maggie obeyed there was an unspeakable charm in being told what to do and having everything decided for her she sat down covered with the cloak and Stephen took to his oars again making haste for they must try to get the Torby as fast as they could Maggie was hardly conscious of having said or done anything decisive all yielding is attended with a less vivid consciousness than resistance it is the partial sleep of thought it is a submergence of our own personality by another every influence tended to lull her into acquiescence that dreamy gliding in the boat which had lasted for four hours and had bought some weariness and exhaustion the recoil of her fatigue sensations from the impracticable difficulty of getting out of the boat at this unknown distance from home and walking for long miles all helped to bring her into a more complete subjection to that strong mysterious charm which made a last parting from Stephen seem the death of all joy and made the thought of wounding him like the first touch of the torch ring iron before which resolution and then there was the present happiness of being with him which was enough to absorb all her languid energy presently Stephen observed a vessel coming after them several vessels among them the steam at a mud port had passed them with the early tide but for the last hour they had seen none he looked more and more eagerly at this vessel as if a new thought had come into his mind along with it and then he looked at Maggie hesitatingly Maggie dearest he said at last if this vessel should be going to mud port or to any convenient place on the coast northward it would be our best plan to get them to take us on board you are fatigued and it may soon rain it may be a wretched business getting to Torby in this boat it's only a trading vessel but I dare say you can be made tolerably comfortable we'll take the cushions out of the boat it is really our best plan they'll be glad enough to take us I've plenty of money about me I can pay them well Maggie's heart began to beat with reawakened alarm at this new proposition but she was silent one course seemed as difficult as another Steven hailed the vessel it was a Dutch vessel going to mud port the English mate informed him and if this wind held would be there in less than two days we have got out too far with our boat said Steven I was trying to make for Torby but I'm afraid of the weather and this lady my wife will be exhausted with fatigue and hunger take us on board will you and haul up the boat I'll pay you well Maggie now really faint and trembling with fear was taken on board making an interesting object of contemplation to admire in Dutchman the mate feared the lady would have a poor time of it on board for they had no accommodation for such entirely unlooked for passengers no private cabin larger than an old-fashioned church view but at least they had Dutch cleanliness which makes all other inconveniences tolerable and the boat cushions were spread into a couch for Maggie on the poo with all alacrity but to pace up and down the deck leaning on Steven being up held by his strength was the first change that she needed then came food and then quite reclining on the cushions with a sense that no new resolution could be taken that day everything beside her with her hand in his they could only speak to each other in low tones only look at each other now and then for it would take a long while to dull the curiosity of the five men on board and reduce these handsome young strangers to that minor degree of interest which belongs in a sailor's regard to all objects nearer than the horizon but Steven was triumphantly happy every other thought or care was thrown into the unmarked perspective must be his the leap had been taken now he had been tortured by scruples he had fought fiercely with over mastering inclination he had hesitated but repentance was impossible he murmured forth in fragmentary sentences his happiness his adoration his tenderness his belief that their life together must be heaven that her presence with him would give rapture to every common day that dissatisfies her lightest wish was that everything was easy for her sake except a part with her and now they never would part he would belong to her forever and all that was his was hers had no value for him except as it was hers such things uttered in low broken tones by the one voice that has first doth the fiber of young passion have only a feeble effect unexperienced minds at a distance from them to poor Maggie they were very near they were like nectar held close to thirsty lips there was must be them a life for mortals here below which was not hard and chill in which affection would no longer be self-sacrifice Steven's passionate words made the vision of such life more fully present to her than it ever been before and the vision for the time excluded all realities all except the returning sungleams which broke out on the water as the evening approached and mingle with a visionary sunlight of promise happiness all except the hand that pressed hers and the voice that spoke to her and the eyes that looked at her with grave unspeakable love there was to be no rain after all the clouds roll after who arrives and again making the great purple rampant and long purple aisles of that wondrous land which reveals itself to us when the sun goes down the land that the evening star watches over Maggie was to sleep all night on the poop it was better than going below and she was covered with the warmest wrappings the ship could furnish it was still early when the fatigues of the day bought on a drowsy longing for perfect rest and she laid down her head looking at the faint dining flush in the west where the one golden lamp was getting brighter and brighter then she looked up at Steven who was still seasoned by her hanging over her as he leaned his arm against the vessel's side behind all the delicious visions of these last hours which had flowed over her like a soft stream and made her entirely passive there was the dim consciousness that the condition was a transient one and that the Murrow must bring back the old life of struggle there were thoughts which would presently avenge themselves for this oblivion but now nothing was distinct to her she was being lulled to sleep with that soft stream still flowing over her with those delicious visions melting and fading like the wondrous aerial land of the west end of book 6 chapter 13 of the Mill on the Floss book 6 chapter 14 of the Mill on the Floss this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox dot org recording by LC The Mill on the Floss by George Elliott book 6 The Great Temptation chapter 14 waking when Maggie was gone to sleep Steven weary too with his unaccustomed amount of rowing and with the intense inward life of the last 12 hours but too restless to sleep walked and lounged about the deck with his cigar far on into midnight not seeing the dark water hardly conscious there were stars living only in the near and distant future at last fatigue conquered restlessness and he rolled himself up in a piece of tarpolin on the deck near Maggie's feet she had fallen asleep before 9 and had been sleeping for 6 hours before the faintest hint of a mid-summer daybreak was discernible she awoke from that vivid dreaming which makes the margin of our deeper rest she was in a boat on the wide water with Steven and in the gathering darkness something like a star appeared that grew and grew till they saw it was the virgin seated in St. Dog's boat and it came nearer and nearer till they saw the virgin was Lucy and the boatman was Philip no not Philip but her brother who rode past without looking at her and she rose to stretch out her arms and called to him and their own boat turned over with the movement and they began to sink till with one spasm of dread she seemed to awake and find she was a child again in the parlor at evening twilight and Tom was not really from the soothed sense of that false waking she passed to the real waking to the plash of water against the vessel and the sound of a footstep on the deck and the awful starlit sky there was a moment of utter bewilderment before her mind could get disentangled from the confused web of dreams but soon the whole terrible truth urged itself upon her Stephen was not by her now she was alone with her own memory and her own dread the irrevocable wrong that must blot her life had been committed she had brought sorrow into the lives of others into the lives that were knit up with hers by trust and love the feeling of a few short weeks had hurried her into the sins her nature had most recoiled from breach of faith and cruel selfishness she had rent the ties that had given meaning to duty and had made herself an outlawed soul with no guide but the wayward choice of her own passion and where would that lead her where had it led her now she had said she would rather die than fall into that temptation she felt it now now that the consequences of such a fall had come before the outward act was completed there was at least this fruit from all her years of striving after the highest and best that her soul though betrayed beguiled and snared could never deliberately consent to a choice of the lower and a choice of what? oh God not a choice of joy but of conscious cruelty and hardness for could she ever cease to see before her Lucy and Philip with their murdered trust and hopes her life with Stephen could have no sacredness she must forever sink and wander vaguely driven by uncertain impulse for she had let go the clue of life that clue which once in the far off years her young need had clutch so strongly she renounced all delights then before she knew them before they had come within her reach Philip had been right when he told her that she knew nothing of renunciation she had thought was quiet ecstasy she saw it face to face now that sad patient loving strength which holds the clue of life and saw that the thorns were forever pressing on its brow the yesterday which could never be revoked if she could have changed it now for any length of inward silent endurance she would have bowed beneath that cross with a sense of rest Daybreak came and the reddening eastern light while her past life was grasping her in this way with that tightening clutch which comes in the last moments of possible rescue she could see Steven now lying on the deck still fast asleep and with the sight of him there came a wave of anguish that found its way in a long suppressed sob the worst bitterness of parting the thought that urged the sharpest inward cry for help was the pain it must give to him but surmounting everything was the horror at her own possible failure the dread lest her conscience should be benumbed again and not rise to energy it was too late already not to have caused misery too late for everything perhaps but to rush away from the last act of baseness the tasting of joys that were rung from crushed hearts the sun was rising now and Maggie started up with a sense that a day of resistance was beginning for her her eyelashes were still wet with tears as with her shawl over her head she sat looking at the slowly rounding sun something roused Steven too and getting out from his heart bed he came to sit beside her the sharp instinct of anxious love saw something to give him alarm in the very first glance he had a hovering dread of some resistance in Maggie's nature that he would be unable to overcome he had the uneasy consciousness that he had robbed her of perfect freedom yesterday there was too much native honor in him for him not to feel that if her will should recoil his conduct would have been odious and she would have a right to approach him but Maggie did not feel that right she was too conscious of a fatal weakness in herself too full of the tenderness that comes with the foreseeing need for inflicting a wound she let him take her hand when he came to sit down beside her and smiled at him only with rather a sad glance she could say nothing to pain him to the moment of possible parting was nearer and so they drank their cup of coffee together and walked about the deck and heard the captain's assurance that they should be in at Mudport by five o'clock each with an inward birthing but in him it was an undefined fear the coming hours to dissipate in her it was a definite resolve on which she was trying silently to tighten her hold Stephen was continually through the morning expressing his anxiety at the fatigue and discomfort she was suffering and alluded to landing into the change of motion and repose she would have in a carriage wanting to assure himself more completely by presupposing that everything would be as he had arranged it for a long while Maggie contended herself with assuring him that she had had a good night's rest and that she didn't mind about being on the vessel it was not like being on the open sea it was only a little less pleasant than being in a boat on the floss but a suppressed resolve will betray itself in the eyes and Stephen became more and more uneasy as the day advanced under the sense that Maggie had entirely lost her paciveness he longed but did not dare to speak of their marriage of where they would go after it and the steps he would take to inform his father himself of a tacit ascent from her but each time he looked at her he gathered a stronger dread of the new quiet sadness with which she met his eyes and they were more and more silent here we are inside of Mudport he said at last now dearest he added turning toward her with a look that was half the sea-ching the worst part of your fatigue is over on the land we can command's witness in another hour and a half we shall be in the shez together to speak we'd only be unkind now to assent by silence she spoke in a lowest tone as he had done but with distinct decision we shall not be together we shall have parted the blood rushed to Stephen's face we shall not he said I'll die first it was as he had dreaded there was a struggle coming but neither of them dared to say another word to the boat was let down and they were taken to the landing place here there was a cluster of gazers and passengers awaiting the departure of the steamboat to say dogs Maggie had a dim sense when she landed and Stephen was hurrying her along on his arm that someone had advanced toward her from that cluster as if he were coming to speak to her but she was hurried along and wasn't different to everything but the coming trial a porter guided them to the nearest inn and posting house and Stephen gave the order for the shez as they passed through the yard Maggie took no notice of this and only said pass them to show us into a room where he can sit down when they entered Maggie did not sit down and Stephen whose face had a desperate determination in it was about to ring the bell when she said in a firm voice I'm not going we must part here Maggie he said turning round toward her and speaking in the tones of a man who feels a process of torture beginning do you mean to kill me what is the use of it now the whole thing is done no it is not done said Maggie too much is done more than we can ever remove the trace of but I will go no farther don't try to prevail with me again I couldn't choose yesterday what was he to do he dare not go near her her anger might leap out and make a new barrier he walked backward and forward and maddening publicity Maggie he said at last pausing before her and speaking in a tone of imploring wretchedness have some pity forgive me for what I did yesterday I will obey you now I will do nothing without your full consent but don't blight our lives forever by a rash perversity that can answer no good purpose to anyone that can only create new evils sit down dearest wait think what you are going to do don't treat me as if you couldn't trust me he had chosen the most effective appeal but Maggie's will was fixed unswervingly on the common wrench she had made up her mind to suffer we must not wait she said in a low but distinct voice we must part at once we can't part Maggie said Stephen more impetuously I can't bear it what is the use of inflicting that misery on me the blow whatever it may have been has been struck now will it help anyone else that you should drive me mad I will not begin any future even for you said Maggie tremulously with a deliberate consent what ought not to have been what I told you to it would have been better if we had parted forever then but we must part now we will not part Stephen burst out instinctively placing his back against the door forgetting everything he had said a few moments before I will not endure it you'll make me desperate I shan't know what I do Maggie trembled she felt that the parting could not be affected suddenly she must rely on a slower appeal to Stephen's better self she must be prepared for a harder task than that of rushing away while Stephen was fresh she sat down Stephen watching her with that look of desperation which had come over him like a lured light approached slowly from the door seated himself close beside her and grasped her hand her heart beat like the heart of a frightened bird but this direct opposition helped her she felt her determination growing stronger remember what you felt weeks ago she began with beseeching earnestness remember what we both felt that we owed ourselves to others and must conquer every inclination which could make us false to that debt we have failed to keep our resolutions but the wrong remains the same no it does not remain the same since Stephen we have proved that it was impossible to keep our resolutions we have proved that the feeling which draws us toward each other is too strong to be overcome that natural loss amounts every other we can't help what it clashes with it is not so Stephen I'm quite sure that is wrong but I see if we judged in that way there would be a warrant for all treachery and cruelty we could justify breaking the most sacred ties they can ever be formed on earth if the past is not to bind us where can duty lie we should have no more but the inclination of the moment but there are ties that can't be kept by mere resolution said Stephen starting up and walking about again what is outward faithfulness where they have thanked us for anything so hollow as constancy Maggie did not answer immediately she was undergoing an inward as well as an outward contest alas she said with a passionate assertion of her conviction as much against herself as against him that seems right at first but when I look further I'm sure it is not right faithfulness and constancy means something else besides doing what is easiest and pleasantest to ourselves they mean renouncing whatever is opposed to the reliance others have in us whatever would cause misery those whom the course of our lives has made dependent on us if we if I had been better nobler those claims would have been so strongly present with me I should have felt them pressing on my heart so continually just as they do now in the moments when my conscience is awake that the opposite feeling would never have grown in me as it has done it would have been quenched at once I should have prayed for help so earnestly I should have rushed away as we rushed from hideous danger I feel no excuse for myself none I should never have failed toward Lucy and Philip as I have done if I had not been weak selfish and hard able to think of their pain without a pain to myself that would have destroyed all temptation oh what is Lucy feeling now she believed in me she loved me she was so good to me think of her Maggie's voice was getting choked as she uttered these last words I can't think of her said Stephen stamping as if with pain I can think of nothing but you, Maggie you demand of a man what is impossible I felt that once but I can't go back to it now and where is the use of your thinking of it except to torture me you can't save them from pain now you can only tear yourself from me and make my life worthless to me and even if we could go back and both fulfill our engagements if that were possible now it would be hateful, horrible to think of your ever being Philip's wife of your ever being the wife of a man you didn't love we have both been rescued from a mistake a deep flush came up from Maggie's face and she couldn't speak Stephen saw this he sat down again taking her hand in his and looking at her with passionate entreaty Maggie, dearest if you love me you are mine who can have so great a claim on you as I have my life is bound up in your love there is nothing in the past that can annul our right to each other it is the first time we have either of us loved with our whole heart and soul Maggie was still silent for a little while looking down Stephen was in a flutter of new hope he was going to triumph but she raised her eyes and met his with a glance that was filled with the anguish of regret not with a yielding no, not with my whole heart and soul Stephen she said with timmon resolution I have never consented to it with my whole mind there are memories and affections and longings after perfect goodness that have such a strong hold on me they would never quit me for long they would come back and be pain to me repentance I couldn't live in peace if I put the shadow of a willful sin between myself and God I have caused sorrow already I know I feel it but I have never deliberately consented to it I have never said they shall suffer that I may have joy it has never been my will to marry you if you were to win consent from the momentary triumph of my feeling for you if I could wake back again into the time before yesterday I would choose to be true to my calmer affections and live without the joy of love Stephen loosed her hand and rising impatiently walked up and down the room in suppressed rage good God he burst out at last what a miserable thing a woman's love is to a man's I could commit crimes for you and you can balance and choose in that way but you don't love me if you had a tithe of the feeling for me that I have for you it would be impossible to you to think for a moment of sacrificing me but it weighs nothing with you that you are robbing me of my life's happiness Maggie pressed her fingers together almost convulsively as she held them clasped on her lap a great terror was upon her as if she were ever in a non seeing where she stood by great flashes of lightning and then again stretched forth her hands in the darkness no, I don't sacrifice you I couldn't sacrifice you she said as soon as she could speak again but I can't believe in a good for you that I feel that we both feel is a wrong toward others we can't choose happiness either for ourselves or for another we can't tell where that will lie we can only choose whether we will indulge ourselves in the present moment or whether we will renounce that for the sake of obeying the divine voice within us for the sake of being true to all the motives that sanctify our lives our belief is hard it has slipped away from me again and again but I have felt that if I let it go forever I should have no light to the darkness of this life but Maggie, since Steven seating himself by her again is it possible you don't see that what happened yesterday has altered the whole position of things? what infatuation is it what obstinate prepossession that blinds you to that it is too late to say what we might have done admitting the very worst view of what has been done it is a fact we must act on now our position is altered the right course is no longer what it was before we must accept our own actions and start afresh from them suppose we had been married yesterday it is nearly the same thing the effect on others would not have been different it would only have made this difference to ourselves Steven added bitterly that you might have acknowledged then that your tie to me was stronger than to others again, a deep flush came over Maggie's face and she was silent Steven thought again that he was beginning to prevail he had never yet believed that he should not prevail there are possibilities which our minds shrink from too completely for us to fear them dearest he said in his deepest, tenderest tone leaning toward her and putting his arm round her you are mine now the world believes it duty must bring out of that now in a few hours you will be legally mine and those who had claims on us will submit they will see that there was a force which declared against their claims Maggie's eyes opened wide in one terrified look at the face that was close to hers and she started up pale again oh I can't do it she said in a voice almost of agony Steven don't ask me, don't urge me I can't argue any longer I don't know what is wise but my heart will not let me do it I see I feel their trouble now it is as if it were branded on my mind I have suffered and had no one to pity me and now I have made others suffer it would never leave me it would embitter your love to me I do care for Phillip in a different way I remember always said to each other I know how he thought of me as the one promise of his life he was given to me that I might make his lot less hard and I have forsaken him and Lucy she has been deceived she who trusted me more than anyone I cannot marry you I cannot take a good for myself that has been wrung out of their misery it is not the force that ought to rule us this that we feel for each other it would rend me away from all that my past life has made dear and holy to me I can't set out on a fresh life and forget that I must go back to it and cling to it else I shall feel as if there were nothing firm beneath my feet good god Maggie said Steven rising too and grasping her arm you rave how can you go back without marrying me you don't know what will be said dearest you see nothing as it really is yes I do but they will believe me I will confess everything Lucy will believe me she will forgive you and and oh some good will come by cleaning to the right dear dear Steven let me go don't drag me into deeper remorse my whole soul has never consented it does not consent now Steven let go her arm and sink back on his chair half stunned by despairing rage he was silent a few moments not looking at her while her eyes were turned toward him yearningly an alarm at this sudden change at last he said still without looking at her go then leave me don't torture me any longer I can't bear it voluntarily she leaned toward him and put out her hand to touch his but he shrank from it as if it had been burning iron and said again leave me Maggie was not conscious of a decision as she turned away from that gloomy averted face and walked out of the room it was like an automatic action that fulfills a forgotten intention what came after a sense of stairs descended as if in a dream of flagstones of a chaise and horses standing then a street and a turning into another street where a stagecoach was standing taking in passengers and the darting thought that that coach would take her away but she could ask nothing yet she only got into the coach home where her mother and brother were Phillip Lucy the scene of her very cares and trials was the haven toward which her mind tended the sanctuary where sacred relics lay where she would be rescued from more falling the thought of Stephen was like a horrible throbbing pain which yet as such pains do seemed to urge all other thoughts into activity but among her thoughts what others would say and think of her conduct was hardly present love and deep pity and remorseful anguish left no room for that the coach was taking her to York farther away from home but she did not learn that until she was set down in the old city at midnight it was no matter she could sleep there and start home the next day she had her purse in her pocket with all her money in it a bank note and a sovereign she had kept it in her pocket from forgetfulness after going out to make purchases as she did before yesterday did she lie down in the gloomy bedroom the old inn that night with her will bent unwaveringly on the path of penitent sacrifice the great struggles of life are not so easy as that the great problems of life are not so clear in the darkness of that night she saw Stephen's face turn toward her in passionate reproachful misery she lived through again all the tremulous delights of his presence with her that made existence an easy floating instead of a quiet resolved endurance and effort the love she had renounced came back upon her with a cruel charm she felt herself opening her arms to receive it once more and then it seemed to slip away and fade and vanish leaving only the dying sound of a deep thrilling voice that said gone forever gone end of book 6 chapter 14 book 7 chapter 1 of the mill on the floors this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public to mean for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org that's L-I-B-R-I-V-O-X dot org recording by Paradise Camouflage the mill on the floors by George Elliott book 7 the final rescue chapter 1 the return to the mill between 4 and 5 on the afternoon of the fifth day from that on which Stephen and Maggie have left St. Augs Tom Tulliver was standing on the gravel walk outside the old house at Duracoat Mill he was master there now he had half fulfilled his father's dying wish and by years of steady self-government and energetic work he brought himself near to the attainment of more than the old respectability which had been the proud inheritance of the Dodsons and Tullivers but Tom's face as he stood in the hot still sunshine of that summer afternoon had no gladness, no triumph in it his mouth wore its bitterest expression his severe brow its hardest and deepest fold as he drew down his hat farther over his eyes he sheltered them from the sun and thrusting his hands deep into his pockets began to walk up and down the gravel no news of his sister had been heard since Bob Jacken had come back in the stemmer from Moodport and brought put an end to all improbable suppositions of an accident on the water by stating that he had seen her land from a vessel with Mr Stephen Guest would the next news be that she was married or hot? probably that she was not married Tom's mind was set to the expectation of the worst that could happen not death but disgrace as he was walking with his back towards the entrance gate and his face towards the rushing smell stream a tall dark-eyed figure that we know well approached the gate and paused to look at him with a vast beating heart her brother was the human being of whom she had been most afraid from her childhood upward afraid with that fear which springs in us when we love one who is inexorable a bending a modifiable with a mind that we can never mould ourselves upon and yet that we can not endure to alienate from us that deep-rooted fear was she can maggi now but her mind was unswervingly bent on returning to her brother as the natural refuge that had been given her in her deep humiliation over the retrospect of her own weakness in her anguish at the injury that she had inflicted she almost desired to endure the severity of Tom's reproof to submit in patient silence to that harsh disapproving judgement against which she had so often rebelled it seemed no more than just to her now who was weaker than she was she craved that outward help to her better purpose which would come from complete submissive confession from being in the presence of those whose looks and words would be a reflection on her own conscience maggi had been kept on her bed at York for a day with that prostrating headache which was likely to follow on the terrible strain of the previous day and night there was an expression of physical pain still about her brow and eyes and her whole appearance with her dress so long and changed was worn and distressed she lifted the latch of the gate and walked in slowly Tom did not hear the gate he was just then close upon the roaring dam but he presently turned and lifting up his eyes saw the figure whose worn look and loneliness seemed to him a confirmation of his worst conjectures he paused, trembling in white with disgust and indignation maggi paused too three yards before him she felt the hatred in his face felt it rushing through her fibres but she must speak Tom she began faintly I come back to you I come back home for refuge to tell you everything you'll find no home with me he answered with tremulous rage you have disgraced us all you've disgraced my father's name you have been a curse to your best friends you have been base deceitful no motives are strong enough to restrain you I wash my hands of you forever you don't belong to me their mother had come to the doer now she stood paralyzed by the double shock of seeing maggi hearing Tom's words Tom said maggi with more courage I'm perhaps not so guilty as you believe me to be I never meant to give way to my feelings I struggled against them I was carried too far in the boat to come back on Tuesday I came back as soon as I could I don't believe in you anymore said Tom gradually passing to the tremulous excitement of the first moment to cold and flexibility you have been carrying on a clandestine relation with Steven Guest as you did before with another he went to see you at my Aunt Moses you walked alone with him in the lanes you must have behaved as no modest girl would have done to her cousin's lover else that could never have happened the people at Lucreth saw you pass you passed all the other places you knew what you were doing you have been using Philip Wakeham as a screen to deceive Lucy the kindest friend you ever had go and see the return you've made her she's ill, unable to speak my mother can't go near her lest she remind her of you maggi was half stunned too heavily pressed upon by her anguish to discern any difference between her actual guilt and her brother's accusations still lest vindicate herself Tom, she said, crushing her hands together under her cloak in the effort to speak again whatever I have done I repented bitterly I want to make amends I will endure anything I want to be kept from doing wrong again what will keep you, said Tom with cruel bitterness not religion, not your natural attitude and honour and he he would deserve to be shot if it were not but you are ten times worse than he is I love your character and your conduct you struggled with your feelings you see yes I have had feelings to struggle with but I conquered them I have had a harder life than you have had but I have found my comfort in doing my duty but I will sanction no such character as yours the world shall know that I feel the difference between right and wrong if you're in want I'll provide for you let my mother know but you shall not come under this roof it is enough that I have to bear the thought of your disgrace the sight of you is hateful to me slowly Maggie was turning away with despair in her heart but the poor frightened mother's love leapt out now stronger than all dread my my child I'll go with you you've got a mother oh the sweet rest of that embrace to the heart-stricken Maggie more helpful than all wisdom is one draft of simple human pity that will not forsake us Tom turned walked into the house come on my child Mrs. Tomover whispered he'll let you stay and sleep in my bed he won't deny that if I ask him no mother said Maggie in a low tone like a mom I will never go in wait for me outside I'll get ready and come with you when his mother appeared with her bonnet on Tom came out to her in the passage and put money into her hands my house is yours mother always he said you'll come and let me know everything you want you'll come back to me poor Mrs. Tomover took the money too afraid to say anything the only thing clear to her was the mother's instinct that she would go with her on a happy child Maggie was waiting outside the gate she took her mother's hand and they walked a little way in silence mother said Maggie at last we'll go to Luke's cottage Luke will take me in he was very good to me when I was a little girl he's got no room for us my dear now his wife's got so many children I don't know where to go if it isn't to one of your aunts and I hardly durst said poor Mrs. Tomover quite destitute of mental resources in the extremity Maggie was silent a little while and then said let us go to Bob Jacob's mother his wife will have room for us if they have no other lodger so they went on their way to St. Augs to the old house by the riverside Boab himself was at home with the heaviness and heart which resisted even the new joy and pride of possessing a two-month-old baby quite the liveliest of its age that had ever been born to Prince or Pac-Man he would perhaps not so thoroughly have understood all the dubiousness of Maggie's appearance with Mr. Stephen Guest on the key and mudboard if he had not witnessed the effect it produced on Tom when he went to report it and since then the circumstances which in any case gave a disastrous character to allotment had passed beyond the more polite circles of St. Augs and had become a matter of common talk accessible to the grooms and errand boys so that when he opened the door and saw Maggie standing before him in her sorrow and weariness he had no questions to ask except one which he dared only ask himself where was Mr. Stephen Guest Bob for his part hoped he might be in the warmest apartment of an asylum understood to exist in the other world for gentlemen who were likely to have been in fallen circumstances there the lodgings were vacant and both Mrs. Jake in the larger and Mrs. Jake in the less were commanded to make all things comfortable for the old Mrs. and the young Miss alas that she was still Miss the ingenious Bob was sorely perplexed as to how this result could have come about how Mr. Stephen Guest could have come away from her or could have let her go away from him when he had the chance of keeping her with him but he was silent and would not allow his wife to ask him a question would not present himself in the room lest it should appear like intrusion in a wistful brain having the same chivalry towards dark-eyed Maggie as in the days when he had bought her the memorable present of books but after a day or two Mrs. Tulliver was gone to the mill again for a few hours to see to Tom's household matters Maggie had wished this after the first violent outburst of feeling which came as soon as she had no longer any active purpose to fulfill she was less in need of her mother's presence she even desired to be alone with her grief but she had been solitary only a little while in the living room that looked on the river when there came a tap with the door and turning round her sad face as she said come in she saw a bob enter with the baby in his arms and mumps at his heels we'll go back if it disturbs you miss said Bob no Sid McGee in a low voice wishing that she could smile Bob closing the door behind him came and stood before her you see we've got a little one miss and I wanted you to look at it and take it into your arms if you'd be so good for we made free to name it after you and it'd be better for you're taking a bit of notice on it Maggie could not speak but she put out her arms to receive the tiny baby while mumps snuffed at it anxiously to ascertain that this transference was alright Maggie's heart had swelled at this action and speech of Bob's she knew well enough that it was a way he had chosen to show his sympathy and respect sit down Bob, she said presently as he sat down in silence finding his tongue unmanageable in quite a new fashion refusing to say what he wanted it to say Bob she said after a few moments looking down at the baby and holding it anxiously as if she feared it might slip from her mind in her fingers I have a favour to ask of you don't you speak so miss said Bob grabbing the skin of mumps's neck if there's anything I can do for you I should look about it as a day's earnings I want you to go to Dr. Kans and ask to speak to him and tell him that I am here and she'd be very grateful if he would come to me while my mother is away she will not come back till evening hey miss I'd do it in a minute it is but a step but Dr. Kans wife lies dead she's to be buried tomorrow died the day I come back from Mudport it's all the more pity she should have died just now if you want him I hardly like to go and die him yet oh no Bob said Maggie we must let it be till after a few days perhaps when you hear that he is going about a game but perhaps he may be going out of town to a distance with a new sense of despondency at this idea not he miss said Bob he'll not go away he isn't one of them gentle folks has to go and cry at water and places when the wives die he's got something else to do he looks fine and sharp after the parish he does he christen loves lung and he was at me to know what I did over Sunday as I didn't come to church but I told him I was upon to travel three parts of the Sundays then I'm so used to being on my legs I can't sit so long on end and lost sir said I a pack man can do with a small allowance of church it tastes strong says I there's no call till 8 o'clock hey miss how good the little on is with you it's like as if it knows you it partly does I'll be bound like the birds know the morning Bob's tongue was now evidently loose from its unwanted bondage and might even be in danger of doing more work than was required of it but the subjects on which he longed to be informed was so steep and difficult of approach that his tongue was likely to run on along the level rather than to carry him on that unbeaten road he felt this and was silent again for a little while ruminating much on the possible forms in which he might put a question at last he said more timid voice than usual will you give me leave to ask you only one thing miss Maggie was rather startled but she answered yes Bob if it is Bob myself not about anyone else well miss it's this do you owe anyone a crutch no not anyone said Maggie looking upon him inquiringly why oh lord miss said Bob pinching Mum's neck harder than ever I wish you didn't tell me I'd leather him till I couldn't see I would and the justice might do what he liked me after oh Bob said Maggie faintly smiling you're a very good friend to me but I shouldn't like to punish anyone even if they've done me wrong myself too often this few of things was puzzling to Bob and he threw more obscurity than ever over what could possibly have happened between Steven and Maggie but further questions would have been too intrusive even if he could have framed them suitably and he was obliged to carry baby away again to an expectant mother happen you'd like Mum's for company miss he said when he had taken the baby again he knows everything and makes no bother about it if I tell him he'll lie before you and watch you as still just as he watches my pack you'd better let me leave him a bit he'll get fond on you laws it's a fine thing to have a dumb brute fond of you it'll stick to you and make no jaw yes do leave him please I think I should like to have Mum's for a friend Mum's lie down here said Bob pointing to a place in front of Maggie and never do you stare till you're spoken to Mum's lie down at once and made no sign of restlessness when his master left the room End of book 7 chapter 1 recording by Andrew from Inveraran, Scotland