 Well, hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Asley of JonathanAsley.com and I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today. Our topic, men choose women based on these two feelings. There's these two feelings. Actually, there's more than these two feelings, but we're gonna cover these two for today. Really quickly, if you've been interested in talking to a dating or relationship coach and you've been wondering how to go about that, check out the link below to schedule a discovery call to see if working with a coach is right for you. Okay, our topic. Men choose women based on these two feelings or is it these two feelings? So the reality is, is men choose women based on a lot more than two feelings and oftentimes men are told that they're very simple and to some degree that they are on some level and yet they're incredibly complex. I know many of you are frustrated trying to understand men because their emotions are so erratic. They're all over the place. Their actions don't match their words. They're like a roller coaster when it comes to commitment. In fact, you're studying why men are commitment phobic over and over and why men pull away and why men ghost and why it disappears. So yeah, I can understand why it's frustrating for you. And I think part of the reason is, and if you've been following my work, I talk about a variety of different books to check into, but I highly recommend understanding love attachment and emago. Love attachment and emago. And if you're not familiar with that, Google the Emago by Harvelle Hendricks and Love Attachment by Amir Levine. So oftentimes we humans choose partners based on unresolved childhood wounds and traumas that happen and not necessarily who's right for us, but I wanna lean into those people that have done some emotional healing within themselves and what they're truly seeking in partnership and relationship. And so I've observed that in midlife in particular, most men have had some, just like women, everything I'm sharing also covers the reverse. And women have had some bad experiences in relationships, some really bad experience in relationship. And since 75% of those who are single over 45 years old that are actively dating, and that's anecdotal from what I've observed, is that they've gone through a divorce. So a divorce can bring with it a lot of emotional trauma. So one of the things I've observed with a lot of men that will lean into relationship, see I'm talking about leaning in, it's not about leaning back, it's about leaning into relationship. Men who lean into relationship for number one, they need to feel safe. They need to feel like that this person that they're with is their best friend, okay? Lean into that. Lean into that idea of best friend that feels safe because one of the things about being with your best friend, that feeling of being with your best friend is you can be vulnerable with this person, you can share your feelings, knowing that it's a safe place. It's like this T-shirt that says, I've got your back and if you can see that there's a person holding the back and then there's a back missing, it's that feeling of feeling safe, that feeling of best friend that you can say anything to them and know that they're not gonna run away. And that's an important feeling to experience whether you're a man or a woman. And so while I'm not here to describe what it takes to get to that place, I'll shoot that and I'll talk about that in other videos. In fact, I've talked about it in many videos. What's most important to ask yourself, if you've invested time with someone, ask yourself, are the two of you really best friends? Do you feel vulnerable? Excuse me, do you feel safe enough to be vulnerable? And I know a lot of women are afraid of being vulnerable in relationship. So I'm here to say that if you're not feeling safe enough to be vulnerable, then chances are he's not feeling safe enough to be vulnerable. And so that's something missing in your relationship. And I want you to check out this book by Barbara DeAngelis called How to Make Love All the Time, How to Make Love All the Time by Barbara DeAngelis. This is a great book for learning how to create that deeper intimacy and relationship so you can feel safe with one another to feel vulnerable. How to feel safe enough with one another to be vulnerable. That's so important. And it starts with learning to be safe within yourself. And if you're not familiar with my book, what the heck is self? I'm gonna put it on this side. What the heck is self love anyway? I highly recommend, the link is below to get my book. Look it, I don't make a lot of money on the book. I'm here to promote it only because when you feel safe within yourself, it's easier to feel safe with another human being. Wait, when I feel safe with myself, I feel safer to be, I feel safe enough to be vulnerable with another human being. Yes. And that's my invitation for you to step into your own vulnerability in relationship because when you're vulnerable, and you feel safe and they feel safe to be vulnerable, you have the first basic layer of building that healthy, happy relationship. And now the number two, this seems to be so lacking in relationship, but gratitude, not butt, and gratitude is so pivotally important in relationship to feel grateful to be with this other person, to feel grateful that you can hold their back in relationship, to step into appreciation and gratitude. And I think I notice this with both men and women, there seems to be a lack of gratitude in so many relationships. In fact, I've talked to so many divorced men that say that they have felt so unappreciated in relationship, so they didn't feel appreciated, they didn't feel gratitude from their partner, hence why they had a hard time giving gratitude to their partner, but here's the bottom line. You both should be giving gratitude and feeling grateful for the relationship, because if you're not grateful for the relationship, how can you feel good about the relationship? Bum, bum, bum, how can you feel good about the relationship if you're not in gratitude for having this person in your life? And so I just want you to look back on your past relationships and ask yourself, was he grateful of me, was I grateful of him? Because gratitude is what carries a relationship for that feeling of I am so grateful to have this person in my life. And when the man is feeling that, he ain't going anywhere. He is rooted into the relationship when he feels gratitude and he feels safe. And let's face it, it's the same for you as well. All right, I think you get the gist of where I'm going. If you have a question about this, please post a comment. I want to hear about it, write a question. I read all of them, I do my best to read all of them and I respond to many, so thank you so much for the comments. If you want to explore this deeper, post a question. And as I said, if you want to check out my book, check out the link below, check out a discovery call to see if working with the coach is right for you. I've got a podcast and I've got a free gift there as well. So there's a lot in the description, check it out below. All right, I'm going to wrap up this video as I do always now. First off, giving myself a big gigantic hug of self love. I'm going to reach into the video and give you a hug of love. I'm going to ask you to turn to someone and give them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and we all could use a lot more love in our lives. Thanks so much and wishing you a super duper wonderful day. Thanks, bye-bye now.