 How to shut down the narcissist, how to end a conversation that is hidden in a direction you don't like, how to end the argument or disagreement when it is gotten out of control, how to prevent them from continuing their course of action. You have to accept that the narcissist has their reality and just as you don't like them controlling your reality, you cannot control theirs, you cannot make them see things the way that you do. We have to change our programming, which was developed in childhood, how we take other people's opinions of us so personally. It's the narcissist's perception of us that makes us uncomfortable and we try to change their perception because we're upset that they see us in this way and we want them to see us differently and then you're just feeding into the argument by trying to change their perception of you. You are trying to control how they see the situation. You are trying to control their reality and I'm sure many of you will admit you don't like it when they try to control your reality. So why should we control theirs even though their perception may not be true or accurate? They're still entitled to their opinions, they have the right to perceive us that way if they choose to and we have no right to control how they see us. When you accept that the narcissist is allowed to have their own perception of you, it changes the game because they take their power from you by trying to get you to convince them that they're wrong, by getting you in a position where you're trying to change their minds. When you do that, you're given your power to them but if you practice neutrality and you just accept the moment as it is, you've accepted that they're allowed to have these perceptions of you and then you get to keep your power. Instead of giving your power to them, the more you try to resist what they're saying, the more power they will have over you, what you resist, persists, the more you resist anything, the more you bring it to you. So practice acceptance by allowing them to have their perception of you without trying to change it, without trying to make them see things in the way that you do even if how they're seeing it is wrong. If you try to convince them of the truth, they're just going to spin you around in circles. They're going to deny, project, blame shift, gaslight, use double standards and double binds. It's very rare that the narcissist will just accept something without a fight. They get a high from engaging in arguments. It's an opportunity for them to release over in a turmoil and garbage onto you. It makes them feel better about themselves, which is why it's best to avoid feeding into these situations. Don't wrestle with a pig. You might get dirty and besides the pigs like it. You can observe what the narcissist is saying, but don't absorb it. Don't identify with it. Don't let it become a part of you. Recognize the separation between how the narcissist sees you and how you see yourself and understand that you don't have to change or see yourself differently to match the narcissist's perception of you. You can exist independently through your own perception of yourself and from how you choose to think, feel and behave and just as you shouldn't let the narcissist decide that for you, you shouldn't decide that for the narcissist. They're allowed to see things however they choose to. They're allowed to have their perceptions of you even if they aren't true. The narcissist will act like they know you better. Than you know yourself. As if they know what you're thinking. They know why you said what you said or did what you did. They don't even realize that they've just trained you to reflect their inner reality and all they're really doing is delving deeper into their own darkness. They project their thoughts and feelings onto you. They think that you think the same way that they do and they expect you to identify with it so that it makes it more believable for them. They continue to exist in their reality. They don't really care about what is right or wrong, true or false. All they care about is defending their distorted reality because that's what makes them feel stable and secure. It provides them with a false sense of safety and security and when you challenge their perspective they feel like they're in the fight for their lives. They will do whatever it takes to defend their reality and the best way for them to do that is by targeting your world and get you to defend your reality. So instead of trying to change their perspective let them think whatever they want. Just tell them I am sorry you feel that way. Instead of defending yourself let them have their reality. Put the focus back on them. Understand that they have a right to see you or however they want. Understand that you cannot control how they see you. When you do that you are disarming the narcissist. You are depriving them of their power to hurt you and you are removing yourself from their enmeshment. Tell them that you accept the perception of you. Whatever they think about you you're okay with it. You may not agree with it but you're not going to control how they see you. You're not going to engage in that argument. You're just going to accept how they think and feel about you and when you do that it shuts the narcissist down. It tells them that you're not going to play their game. You're not going to fight for their validation because you can validate yourself and you know that you're not responsible for their emotions. You're not responsible for their anger and you're not going to let your fear of how they think about you or you anymore. You're not going to let them dictate your choices and that is how you shut down the narcissist. Thank you for watching. I hope this video wears out with you. Please like, comment, share and subscribe. Click the bell icon to receive notifications of my future videos. Check out the new Narc Survival website at www.narcsurviver.uk where you can read my blog posts, follow coaching sessions and join a support forum. If you would like to donate my PayPal link is in the video description. Coaching inquiries you can email me at coaching.narcsurviver.uk Thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon.