 وَأَقُولُ فِي القُرْآنِ مَا جَاءَتْ بِهِ آيَاتُوهُ فَهُوَ الْكَارِيمُ الْمُنْزَالُوَ وَأَقُولُ قَالَ اللَّهُ جَلَّ جَلَالُوهُ وَالْمُصْطَافَ الْهَاديِ وَلَا أَتْ أَوَّالُوَ الحمد لله رب العالمين وصلات والسلام على عبد الله ورسوله نبينا محمد وعلى آله وصحبه أجمعين السلام وعليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته نبدأ by praising Allah by asking Allah to exalt the mention in grand piece to our Messenger Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم to his family and his companions In this short course brought to you by Al-Madrasah Al-Umariyah on the Muslim family we are in the middle of looking at the rights of the husband and the rights of the wife and we mentioned that some of these rights are roughly equivalent in the sense that they are broadly the same right for the husband and the same for the wife and that those rights that have equivalence there may be some differences it may not be Muhammad at a time absolute equivalence but generally there are some rights in which they are equivalent there are other rights however which are more in the sense of being opposites to one another or contrasting rights one has a right and the other one has a right which contrasts or sits opposite that right and there are rights also which are individual to the husband and the wife it might be more difficult for us to fit into a particular pattern but let's begin by talking about some of the rights which are in opposite to one another and we have a hadith from the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم which indicate this so we have the hadith of عمر ابن الأحوص and the hadith is in a term of the and النساء in which he said the messenger of Allah صلى الله عليه وسلم said the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said indeed you have over your wives rights and your wives have rights over you the reason I brought this hadith first of all is it shows you that contrasting or those contrasting rights how those rights sit opposite one another your wives have rights over you you have rights over them they have rights over you as for your rights over your wives it is that they do not allow to sit upon your bed those whom you dislike nor do they allow into your house those whom you dislike and the hadith continues صلى الله عليه وسلم indeed their right over you is that you do good to them as it relates to their clothing and their food so here we have two sets of rights now this is only one hadith and as we are going to hear the rights are many and it's very important that we take a principle here and we gather together a hadith on a single topic and we don't make any final judgments on a topic until we've seen as many of the hadith on that topic as we can gather so it's not for a person to look at this hadith and say the only right that the husband has is that the wife doesn't let anyone into the home or doesn't let anyone sit on the bed or the sofa that he doesn't like and the only right that the wife has over the husband is the clothing and the food and the other this hadith simply talks about two sets of contrasting or two sets of if even we can say complimentary rights that sit opposite one another so the right here of the husband is that the wife doesn't allow someone into his home that he would dislike and that has to be understood in the context of Islam and the laws and rules of Islam but since he is the one that is provided his wife with a home that topic insha'Allah in the rights of the wife we can talk about that insha'Allah then it is from his right that she doesn't let people into his home in his absence that he would not like to come in and that we're not talking about people who would be haram to come in in the first place we're not talking about someone who is for example not a Mahram or something like that we're just talking about someone who from among the women from among the family members of the wife who it would not be prohibited for that person to come in but she knows that the husband would not like that and it doesn't enter into the haram it's not a matter of the haram and so it is permissible for that person to come but since the husband doesn't like for that person to come it's not allowed for her one of the rights of the husband is that she doesn't let somebody into the house or let someone sit on the bed that he would not like and that's part of obedience to the husband as part of his right as the one who's providing the accommodation and likewise the kind of contrasting right with that is the husband has إحسان towards his wife and we said إحسان is to exceed expectations and to do good and to you know the best of speech the best of manners the best of actions and this إحسان is with regard to her clothing and her food and we said that the basic framework is laid out by the sharia and the sharia lays out the framework of what is expected in terms of the basics food clothing but what kind of food and what kind of clothing that is understood وعاش روهن بلمعروف live together with them according to what is customary each person in each different country in each different time each different man and each different woman will have a different set of standards as it relates to food and clothing and what it should be is we should look at the وصط the middle standard the normal standard for that kind of person for that kind of man that kind of woman that kind of time that kind of country and we can understand that the husband has to provide clothing has to provide food for his wife and there are further sort of definitions for that in the sharia which we're going to come to إن شاء الله و تعالى إن شاء الله و تعالى which is that she eats from thefood that he himself eats from and that he clothed her in the way that he would cloth himself so the way that he would take care of himself and the standard he expects for himself at least that is the minimum that he would give to his wife as well and we're gonna come to that in a subsequent حديث إن شاء الله و تعالى We now come to the حديث of جاب如何 دعا اقوم بسليم which again gives us a nice sort of comparison or contrast و من خلق من بعض الخلق و هذا هو أكثر من المكتب من صلى الله عليه وسلم في حجة الوداع في which he said فتقوى الله في النساء have Taqwa of Allah with regard to your women and we said that Taqwa is one of the mutual or equivalent rights which both have to have Taqwa with regard to Allah in regard to the other spouse فإنديد فإنكم أخذتموهن بأمان الله for you have taken those women through the care of Allah in their responsibility given to you by Allah واستحللتم فروجهن بكلمة الله and their private parts became permissible for you by the words of Allah ولكم عليهم and this is the bit that I want here you are right over them أن لا يوطئنا فرشاكم أحدا تكرهونه that you don't let anyone come into your room sit on your bed sit on your sofa that you don't like فإنفعلنا ذلك and if they do this فضربوهن ضربا غير مبرح if they do this then you can hit them in a way that doesn't leave any mark or cause any pain now we're going to come to the issue of a man hitting his wife in the issue of marital discord because this requires considerable explanation and time and we don't want to get ahead of ourselves and a man to take that and to start beating his wife or for a woman to take that and misunderstand it so we want to put that in the proper context so we'll come to that إن شاء الله in his proper time but I want to come to the next part of the حديث وَلَهُنَّ عَلَيْكُم رِسْقُهُنَّ وَكِسْوَتُهُنَّ بالمعروف and they have a right over you that you provide for them and you clothe them بالمعروف and we said معروف can mean the good actions good statements and beautiful character and it can also mean what is normal and what is customary so here the two contrasting rights and we're not going to talk about the hitting at this moment in time because as we said this requires to understand it properly so that it isn't misunderstood and we don't have people crossing the limits that are set by Allah عز وجل with regard to that so we're going to talk about the two contrasting rights the right that the woman she doesn't allow people into her husband's home that he would dislike and he provides for her and clothes her according to what is customary and what is known and what is good and her not letting people into the home that he would dislike is part of what Allah عز وجل said حاف إضاتون لِلْغَيْبِ بِمَحَفِضَ اللَّهِ that they are and we mentioned the ayah we have mentioned the ayah previously that those women guard in their husbands absence what Allah would have them guard and one of the things that they guard is the husband's property and the husband's home so the husband goes away and you know particularly in the past more so than today husbands might go away for several months at a time they may go to fight to be a part of the army they may go for business they may go for طلب العلم or some other reason for months at a time and now they come back they need to know while they're away that that house is being kept to the same standard that they would have hoped if they were to be there and it's not the case that when the husband goes away the wife opens the door to allow things to happen in the home that the husband would not like to happen and in return you get that contrast you would expect that the husband will provide both a home for his wife he will provide clothing for his wife and he's going to provide food for his wife so this is an example of those contrasting rights that kind of sit opposite one another now we're going to come to a rather long topic where we're going to get into the details of the husband's obligation to spend upon his wife I think this is very important because this is one of the major obligations that a husband has to spend upon his wife what we call الإنفاق or النفقة the right to spend the right to provide for his wife and it doesn't matter whether she's rich or poor she might be very rich but she still has the right for her husband to spend upon her and some people misunderstand that and they might even misunderstand it from the حديث تنكح المرأة تولي أربع لما لها that a woman is married for one of four things including her wealth and they might think that that means that if a woman is wealthy the husband doesn't have to spend but that's not the case Islam clearly stipulates that the right of the wife over the husband is her risk her طعام her كسوة her clothing her food her provision her home that is the right of the wife and it doesn't matter whether she owns homes of her own whether she has property whether she is very wealthy whether she has you know money to buy expensive clothes it's still her right that her husband should provide that for her and we're going to talk about how this sits opposite rights like intimacy between the husband and the wife so this is a very important right that the husband has to discharge this obligation and fulfill this obligation but first of all how do we limit this or how do we understand this in the light of the شريعة so we're going to go through a number of different texts that relate to النفقة the husband spending upon the wife الله عز وجل said ليومفق ذو ساعة من ساعته ومن قدر عليه رزقه فليومفق مما آتاه الله لا يكلف الله نفسا إلا ما آتاها سيجعل الله بعد عسري يسرع في صورة الطلاق آية نمبا سيكس أو آية نبا سبن الله عز وجل سيد لت the one who is wealthy spend from his wealth and whoever's provision has been restricted I whoever is poor who not wealthy let him spend from what الله has given him الله does not a burden a person except with what he has given them الله will make ease after the difficulty so this is a clear proof that the husband is required to spend upon the wife whether he is rich or whether he is poor but he is required to spend in accordance with what means he has available to him no doubt before marriage this is something that should be given consideration and I don't say it should be the be all an end all or the final decision but consideration should be given as to compatibility in terms of finances because the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said يا معشر الشباب من استطاع منكم الباءة تفلية تزوج or a group of young men whoever of you is able financially let him get married so there should be some consideration and we shouldn't be extreme in this requiring a man to have you know a dunya وما فيها everything in the world before he gets married but it should be the case that proper consideration is given to make sure that the wife knows the kind of ability that the husband has in terms of finances and the husband understands what his wife expects in terms of that but it's sometimes the case that there may be compatibility when they got married perhaps the woman she has a father who's wealthy and she's used to having plenty of nice things and she marries a husband who is also wealthy but there comes a time when his wealth becomes restricted and his wealth becomes limited and he's no longer able to spend on her so she comes to complain and we say that الله عز وجل said اليوم فقدو ساعة من ساعة لتوان who has wealth spent from his wealth and if there comes a time when the wealth becomes restricted then let him spend out of what he has so that sometimes happens the man doesn't isn't as wealthy as he used to be let him spend out of what he has and let his wife see that he's not being stingy he's not withholding that نفق from her that spending from her rather انتو what he has according to what he has and according to the ability that الله has given him and she should be patient and he should be patient that إن شاء الله سبحانه وتعالى will make things easy for them again after they were limited and restricted so she hasn't she should have an expectation that her husband will spend upon her according to what he has not only according to how she is about how she is a woman like her in her place in society in her country but it's also about to the provision that is available to him a lot of that is decided and thought about and given consideration before marriage but also a woman when she gets married And she should expect あ And not every time لأن الناس يجب أن يكون مجموعة جداً عندما يجب أن يكون مجموعة جداً لأن الناس يجب أن يكون مجموعة جداً و هذا من ما الله سبحانه وتعالى has written for every person و الله عز وجل قلت يجب أن يجب أن يكون مهمة لنفقة لنفق الرجال قوامون على النساء بما فضل الله بعضهم على بعض و بما أنفقوا من أموالهم قانيتاتون حافظاتون للغيب بما حافظ الله الآية الله عز وجل said that men are قوامون they have قوامة and here the قوامة is the responsibility that a man has at the head of the family and there's a lot of discussion that the علماء the scholars of تفسير have about what this قوامة means however here I'm not going to dwell on it as much because we can come back to it later but we're going to talk about the قوامة referring to the fact that the man has responsibility and authority so in Islam a man is the head of the household and we're not embarrassed to say that because ultimately we are Muslim all of us submitting to Allah سبحانه وتعالى a man being head of the household doesn't mean he'll be above his wife in Jannah nor does it mean that she is less as an individual in the sight of Allah than him it simply means that Allah عز وجل has organized his society with the best organization and he has organized it such that the man because of the characteristics that men typically have is going to be the one who is going to be رب الأسرة the head of the family and the one who's managing the household and that is the قوامة that he has over a woman and that doesn't mean again that it's an excuse to oppress her and we're going to talk about that even at the end of the ayah Allah عز وجل said indeed Allah عز وجل is most high and most great and that is intended to put fear into a man that he would consider abusing that position that he has been given because ultimately everyone will be asked about the positions of responsibility that they have been given that has given him a degree of responsibility because of what Allah has preferred some over others i.e. the qualities that Allah gave to the men that made them suitable for this قوامة for this responsibility does that mean that every single man will necessarily embody all of those qualities not necessarily because we are different between each other but generally men as a whole have been given certain qualities that make them suitable to have that authority within the household and again ultimately authority belongs to Allah he gives it to whoever he wants he takes it from whoever he wants and all of us exercise whatever authority we have in obedience to Allah so no man commands his wife to do haram nor does any woman obey her husband in that which is haram nor does she seek to disobey Allah by disobeying him and so on and so forth because ultimately it's our obedience to Allah that matters but Allah has given بما فضل الله بعضهم على بعض Allah has preferred and Allah has chosen a man to have certain qualities and that's a father that's a grace from Allah that gives to whoever he wants whenever he wants and he's not asked about what he gives جل في علا we don't ask no one is going to come to Allah and ask Allah why did you give this and why did you give that حكمة بالغة infinite wisdom that Allah سبحانه وتعالى has but here the reason we brought this ayah in this place وَبِمَا أَمْ فَقُوا مِنْ أَمْ وَالِهِمْ and the second reason that men have a degree of responsibility that men first of all the qualities that men typically have and secondly the fact that they spend out of their wealth so this spending is one of the two things that gives a man the ability to be the head or the right to be the head of the family and the one who is making the decisions and the one who is generally running the household and that shows you how important him spending upon his family is how important and how seriously he has to take that responsibility and then the women who are righteous who are obedient to their husbands who are kind to their husbands and who are obedient to Allah and who are obedient to their husbands they guard in the husbands' absence and Allah has commanded them to guard and so on till the end of the ayah and related clearly to this that Allah سبحانه وتعالى put those two together is an in fact that the husband spends upon his wife he has certain qualities that Allah عز وجل gave him and those are outside of his control he can try to develop them Suppose you already have wisdom like a real leader like taking his time, like a dream like being wise and not being quick to get angry and so on, these qualities he can develop, he can try to work on. He can try to you know إنما الحلمu كتحلم. The developing forbearance or forbearance comes from developing forbearance لكي تحاول أن تعمل علىهم ، ولكن الأمر الذي يوجد في حاله أنه يمكن أن يدفع دائمًا إمريقًا هو النفقة ، هو أنه يستخدمه على حياته ، لذلك يجب أن يدفع لنا المهمة عن أن يستخدم أمان يستخدمه على حياته والأول شيء أن أمان يحتاج أن يستخدمه على حياته هو المهر والذي هو لأن الله عز وجل سال وآت النساء صدقاته إن نحلى فإنطبنا لكم عن شيء منه نفسا فاكلوه حني أمريئة الله عز وجل سال في أول أعين صورة النساء يدفع لهم صدقاتهم ، محرهم وإنهم يستخدموا أن يستخدموا أمان يستخدموا حياتهم ، وإنهم يستخدموا من المهر من قيب ونفسا فكذلك يستخدمه ، يستخدمه ، يستخدمه ، حني أمريئة مع كل حصة وكل حلوة لا يوجد problem في هذا ، كما لأنه يكون سهل جداً للمام أحمد نراتي from our mother عشرة رضي الله عنها عن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم أنه قال أعظم النساء بركة أي صروهن مؤنة ، قالت أن أمان يستخدمون أمان في بركة are those that are easiest in مهر لذا يجب أن يكون لديه شيء أسي but ultimately this is a right of the woman we said it's not a condition of the nikah contract but it is a right of the woman and it's from the first of her financial rights and that's why the scholars they say it becomes due upon either the beginning of intimacy or upon خلوة the first time that they are alone together in a situation that intimacy could take place then the mahar is due to the first of the financial rights that the husband has to take care of is going to be taking care of the mahar if the mahar is not deliminated and not specified then she has mahar myth which she has the right to the mahar of a woman who is similar to her which is normal in the society but definitely we don't want to see people in their marriage going for a mahar that is intended to break the husband because this leads to a lack of barakah and it leads to marital discord why because the husband has spent all of the money that he had first of all he now he can't spend upon his wife with the normal نفقات the normal spending he doesn't have money to buy our clothes he doesn't have money for nice food he can't have doesn't have money to do up the house because all that money went on the mahar then the first day they have a fight what does he say or my money you took i spent my money just so i could marry you and now what to i and the marital discord starts because he can't fulfill his normal responsibilities as a husband and because he reveals resentment for all of that money that he spent so let the mahar be let it be easy that doesn't mean it has to be really small but let it be something which is easy to put barakah in the marriage and let him spend that money on clothing on food on the house instead of putting this big bond up that is going to cause a weight upon him and cause discord and cause an entrance for the shaitan so as the prophet sism said the women with the most barakah are the ones where the mahar is the most easy and that doesn't mean it has to be insignificant or tiny it's up to the woman some women would take a mahar of for him to teach a surah from the Quran there's no doubt about that but it can still be something reasonable but don't let this culture that there is in many countries of an extremely high mahar which goes way above and beyond what a man can manage and let everyone look at the man's capability what's his salary what can he manage and let the wedding not be a reason for death because this is wallah the prophet sism he didn't pray the janaza over some of the sahaba because they had halal debt what about the person who has burdened themselves with debt upon debt upon debt in order to get married and all of it because of this expectation of a high mahar a big house buying furniture giving gifts to everybody and relatives and whatever and it became to the point where he got himself into debt and now for the whole many many years of his life he's paying off a debt that he took in order to get married there is very little barakah in this and it is an easy way for shaitan to get between the husband and the wife so let the families be understanding in this let them understand that yes the woman has the right to the mahar let's not take that right away from her وقت النساء صدقات صدقاتهن نحلة give the women their right but make it something which is يسير which is easy make it easy for men and women to get married and in some cultures wallah we made it so hard for men and women to get married so hard for them to get married that it even led to zina happening in those societies because the mahar was so much that no man wants to get married he what he he's looking to do harm on the side or he's looking if he's if he's a person who fears الله to get married outside of the country to someone where the mahar is easy and then all the women are left in the country not able to get married because of the of turning away from the sunnah of the prophet sism and whenever we turn away from the sunnah that's when evil happens and it's not the women generally it's their fathers and their families with their requests we're asking for a mahar which is not reasonable and which is burdensome and then it's leading to الفواحش المحرمات ازينة immorality evil doing fornication adultery because of the fact that people are not sticking to this simple rule about keeping things reasonable and keeping things balanced and making marriage easy for people that's what الله عز وجل made easy to mention in this in this lesson or in this episode now we have more to talk about as it relates to النفقة the right of spending upon the wife and that is in شاء الله تعالى gonna come up in the next episode that's what الله made easy for us to mention and الله عز وجل نوز باست والصلاة والسلام على نبينا محمد وعلى آله وصحبه يجمعي السلام عليكم if you're enjoying these videos and you'd like to keep up to date with all of the courses we're going to be running make sure you head over to amauathome.com