 Hello everyone. Welcome to another live video. I'm just walking through a botanical garden right now up in the highlands about 3,500 feet above sea level. I don't know how I'm able to get a signal up here but somehow I can. So let's make the most of it. Lots of really cool plants here, some that I've never seen before. I just came from the Japanese garden as well. I won't be able to show you that in this video but you can check it out on my Instagram. I'll be posting pictures and videos very soon. So yeah my Instagram is Narc Survival YouTube. Definitely follow me on there if you haven't yet. All right so let's get into the topic for today's video. I have done many videos on this topic already but in this one maybe we can go a bit deeper into it and you know really discuss the mechanics behind it. More of the psychological aspect because of course there are reasons why they behave in that way and why they tend to oppose you so quickly. I mean you know in a normal healthy relationship yes there may be times where you may hate the other person, you may hate your partner. Yes that's normal of course. Sometimes people do things that irritate us, gets under our skin but in a normal healthy relationship it's not that those things don't happen although they may not happen to such an extreme. The difference is that we know how to resolve it. We know how to come to a resolution in mutual agreement and that's really the difference. I love these. I think they're called lobster claws. The first time I saw these was in Sri Lanka. I don't know what it is it's just something about them. Maybe the colour and the shapes. I really like this one. It almost doesn't look real but yeah that's really the difference is that you know we know how to come to a resolution a mutual agreement that's really the difference because instead of getting all emotional you know how to come at it with logic and reasoning and that's really what separates us but these types of people what they do is they get all emotional they get in their feelings it's something about you that just strikes them and makes them turn against you but it's not so much about you and that's that's the assumption that many people make and they get it wrong. They think that if they're turning against you and they hate you then there must be something wrong with you but that's actually not how it is at all. It's um you're a mirror you're reflecting back to them something that they don't like about themselves. It's it's a reflection and that that's the reason why you could have two people and they both have the same experience of a situation but they give it a different meaning they get a different take out of it. Now how is that possible? The reason why that's possible is because it's determined by the the meaning that you personally give to it based on your own prior experiences and as you know that people who have this disorder well their prior experiences are based on trauma it's based on childhood trauma conflict that's all they've known in their family dynamic so how can they possibly resolve anything with you if that's all they've ever known they've never known how to choose love over hate no one ever showed them love so you try to bring that to them it's not going to make any sense they can't comprehend it and that's why they're always trying to provoke a reaction out of you because that's the one thing they do understand is your anger and frustration your hatred towards them yeah they know that more than anything else so that's why they're always trying to provoke you they're always trying to make you feel some type of way I mean you know that's why I mean for a start they don't have any love to give you anyway I mean you have to have love within your heart to give it to another person but on top of that it's also if they give you love what are they gonna get out of that they're just looking at it like okay so let's say you know they do have love somehow you know just as an example let's say they did give you that love what would that do for them they just look at it like what so I give this to you just to make you feel good well I'm still miserable it just doesn't work for them in any way it doesn't benefit them but when they hate you and you know they share that hate with you they make you feel hate as well when they do that then it's negative attention it gives them supply and you know now you're speaking their language because that's how they communicate they communicate through low vibrational emotions negative frequencies that's their ideal form of communication so of course they want you to talk the way they talk they want you to speak their language so they they have to teach you they groom you they prepare you for that purpose and that's why by the time you're done with them after everything they've done to you after they've cheated on you they've lied to you they've steal from you you're gonna have nothing but hate in your heart and now you're talking their language and then they steal your qualities and they take that on to someone else but really it's just a mirror reflection they can't really take it from you it's just it's an illusion but they will portray the image of what you want to see it's all about just making you feel how they feel but when it all comes down to it I mean you have to remember that they are very selfish they're self-absorbed and they lack empathy they can't share your experience really they can't really put themselves in your shoes so they don't even know you and you didn't even know who they are I mean when it all comes down to it you realize you never even knew who that person was because they're a completely different person from the one you met in the beginning but yeah yeah they never really learned you they never took the time to get to know you in the beginning it was just this ideal image of you in their minds they took a mental snapshot of what you were supposed to be for them and when you didn't live up to those expectations they devalued you and yeah they never really knew who you are so how can they hate you I mean when you look at it this ideal image that they give to you in the beginning is just a projection of their idealized false self and then as time goes on and they begin to devalue you that is just a projection of everything they hate about them about themselves so it's never really you they hate themselves that's what it comes down to when you really look at it because they don't even know who you are all they do is just project their insecurities onto you but it has nothing to do with you so yeah I mean to put this into a relatively short video this is the reason why they hate you or you know depending on how you're looking at it because really it's just they hate themselves I mean you could look at it as though you didn't live up to the idealized image they had of you well must fall down and yeah that's why they could end up resenting you but then it's also because you know nothing's new and fresh as it was in the beginning so you no longer excited about them you're not giving them supply and they feel entitled to that so yeah that's when they feel like you know you owe that to me you should be validating the image supporting the illusion and when you're not doing that they become resentful because you know they can't acknowledge that something could be wrong with them and how they're perceiving things about you so all they can really do is direct it at you I would go as far as to say that for anyone if you spend enough time around them eventually they will turn against you because they're very insecure I mean that's really the only thing they know how to do so yeah I mean but that you know that's why people who don't really know them and you know maybe they see them just in the day it could be at work especially if it's just a part-time job they're never going to get to know who they really are and the the narcissist is never going to hate them because they have enough time to maintain their false image around them so yeah they can just wait until they go home and then take it out on you but if you spend enough time around them and that's why we say like the primary source of supply you will start to see who they really are it might take a few weeks maybe a few months in some cases depending on if you're spending every day together or maybe it's just once a week then it would take longer but eventually you're gonna start to see it savvy sibling just dropped a big one there in the live chat our narcissist born that way or are they created now that is the ultimate question I mean there are there are psychologists therapists youtubers all who argue over that and personally I would say both I would say that it's more rare for someone to be born genetically as a narcissist or psychopath I would say that most of them learn it because what it really is is just it's a response to trauma but it's really no different to what we experience we when we're involved with narcissists we experience CPTSD complex post-traumatic stress disorder and we may have a stress response we may feel that we are becoming narcissistic what we only care about ourselves and our needs we're just trying to survive we may even lack empathy we put ourselves first we get irritated very easily just like a narcissist right but the difference is for them it happened in their childhood when they were still developing their brains were still like mold so if you imagine they weren't fully solidified so to speak so that's why it's becoming grained in them and it can't change I mean it's like trying to think of an example I mean if you if you have like a liquid and you put it in the freezer and it solidifies you know it's never going to go back exactly exactly the ways it was before it's it's going to be different because it's solidified it can't change its form and well that's not really a good example but I mean it it's fixed in them to where it can't go back it's like a rubber band you can stretch it but it always goes back to its original shape I mean that's not to say that you can't change your personality you can anyone can choose to do that at any moment but it's different for them because to be able to do that you have to go within and self reflect but they don't do that instead they build a fake persona on the surface and that's why when you hurt them you know when when they receive a slight or criticism causes an injury and then for like a brief window they do reflect on maybe who they actually are deep down or it's the void I mean it gets very deep some people say that there is someone in there it's a scared little child who's doing everything they can to survive other people say it's just a dark empty void nothing there I mean it's hard to say I personally believe that it can change from moment to moment in one moment that scared little child and then other times it's like the parent steps in to protect them and then sometimes there's just nothing there but it changes from moment to moment I mean it's really complex I mean these are things that doctors have spent their entire lives trying to explain and I'm just delivering it to you from a few years of my research so you know even for me it is very difficult for me to comprehend it but I think I am on the lines of what it is and what happens you know whether they're born or created I would say most of them it's learned it's a learned behavior it's a response to trauma in their childhood you can see a bit for the trees they're very high up gonna head back down now but yeah you haven't been to many gardens for a while especially where I've done a video so I thought it was good to share that with you I'm just going to head back down this hill now back to the car any other questions please let me know now I will give you my response I am 3,500 feet above sea level so maybe I'm close to the heavens now maybe they can deliver me some you know like a download of high vibrations that I can share with you right now so yeah leave your questions down below I'll give you a response I'll read them out now Jars creation says I tried to go for bad but I couldn't do it because I'm connected to God so it definitely is a choice that's the thing I mean as I was saying I think for some people it is a choice yes well technically for everyone but for them it's more difficult because what you have to remember is they experienced the trauma when they were children so you know as I said it's like solidified it's ingrained you know it's um most of the time it's a learned behavior it's something that was taught to them and it's become fixed because it happens so early in life I mean for us if you experience that later in life it's not going to affect you as much because your inherent values and principles are different you know you've already learned a different way and it's like the rubber band you always go back as you're saying so I think that's important to note and yeah it's a limited choice if anything I mean one thing we all have in common is that we follow the path of least resistance and not only that we tend to follow pleasure over pain you know that's one thing that we all have in common so that's actually what they're doing when you think about it they are choosing the path of least resistance they are just doing what makes them feel good even though we may not see it that way because you know we we've learned different values from that but yeah I mean you know that's why it's so hard for them to change because it's um there's no resistance to it I mean they've already been shown they've learned it and for them it feels good they like how it works so you have to think like why would you change something that you like doesn't make any sense and that's the problem they have to be in a crisis they have to experience suffering and only then they're going to think oh shit I have to change because at that point it's affecting them more than it's affecting anyone else thank you for the donation no matter I really appreciate it how do you get over the fact they are giving the new supply everything you wanted out of them they look so much happier well as some of you know I had to deal with that recently and I'm telling you you just got to remember you know when they were with you you know remember all of that bullshit they give to you and only that that they display to other people as well and that's how you know for a fact that nothing has changed they're still the same they're always going to be that way it's never going to be any different because if it was it would have been that way with you you know you have to think why does someone have to move on to a new relationship to then suddenly change everything about themselves it doesn't work that way they are still the same I don't care what you're seeing I don't care what they're telling you what you're seeing on social media it doesn't matter they were doing that when they when they were with you they were posting up all of their stuff and they were trying to make their ex jealous and then after a while you learned that they were full of shit you learned it was all fake and trust me they are doing that again don't fall for it it's all part of the the cycle it's meant to hurt you because they're so full of hate and resentment I mean that's really what separates them from the rest of us but like I said that hate is more towards themselves I don't want you to identify with that but I know that that's what some of you are going to do I mean you know you taking it so you know there's something wrong with you if they are to leave and find someone else I know that's what you're thinking and I get that and I've experienced that myself many times of course but I'm telling you that it isn't real just as when they were with you they made it seem to everyone to your family and friends everything was so perfect but deep down you knew what was going on behind closed doors you were getting all of it and that's exactly what they're doing it's just that this time you're seeing it from the outside so you're looking at it like everything's perfect you're seeing all the trips they're taking on Instagram and so that's that's why you're seeing it that way just as other people were seeing that way when you were with them and that's how you got to look at it it's an orchestration so don't let it get you down it isn't real just as it wasn't real with you but thank you for the donation I appreciate it and I hope that my advice helps you McDonald yes great response by valuing yourself if there's one thing that we need to do is value ourselves more whenever you end up with someone who doesn't value you the reason why that happens is because you don't value yourself because otherwise you would expect them to value you I mean that would be a primary condition of anyone being around you I mean you've got to think why would you want someone around you who doesn't value you unless you don't value yourself so you know if you want to attract the right types of people into your life the way you do that is by valuing yourself as it's been said in the live chat I completely agree with that you know that is the number one thing that you need to do value yourself practice self love then you will find other people of like kind other people who also value themselves other people who also love themselves because they've done the work to get to that point so yeah I mean that's really that's the number one thing that will protect you from these types of people people who don't value you people who treat you like crap I mean some of you may not want to hear it but this is the truth it does start with you it's not victim blaming it's taking personal responsibility for ourselves and the situations that we find ourselves in really it does all start with us because the truth is if we really value ourselves enough we would never let people around that around us like that in the first place so you know that is really the number one thing that we all need to do we all need to value ourselves love ourselves that should be number one and when you do that you have more value and love to give to other people so that isn't selfish that's actually the most selfless thing you can do so I just want to put that out there and now I'm gonna head down this hill so yeah I'd just like to thank you all for joining me on this very deep all of your comments really giving me something to expand on and hit home about at the end there so that was really good a really nice collaboration between me and the viewers Samantha Gonzalez thank you for the donation she asked what's the best approach to begin healing from the trauma bond and managing the obsessive thoughts that is a very complex question especially for the end of the video um you know for anything that involves healing especially things to do with the trauma bond this is um it requires a lot of time to really go into that and I would recommend speaking to a qualified counselor I mean I know I brush on the trauma bond sometimes in my videos but I don't go too deep into it you know I have to stay in my own lane you know I know my place and you know what I can deliver to you and you know that kind of thing it's meant for qualified counselor and I can refer you to a service that I have used and they also sponsor our channel as well so it helps to support the community if you do work with them and yeah I've used them myself and they're very good so that service is better help it's betterhelp.com slash narc survivor and yeah I'm sure if if you book a session with a qualified counselor on there the number one online counseling service on the web they will be able to help you with healing from the trauma bond because it is it's not easy it does take time it's a difficult process but definitely with the white help all of you can do it so I know that may not be the answer you you were looking for but I hope that I have directed you to the right place where you can get the answers you need so yeah that's all for this video 36 minutes gone really deep into it today hope it's been helpful for you and yeah I look forward to speaking with you in another one very soon I really enjoyed it today walking to the gardens with you and yeah it was just a great experience thank you all and have a good day