 Your Coca-Cola bottler presents Claudia based on the play and novels by Rose Franken Brought to you transcribed Monday through Friday by your friendly neighbor who bottles Coca-Cola Relax and while you're listening refresh yourself. Have a coke and now Claudia What is it how do you expect me to measure this skirt with you jiggling all over the living room upside and please hand me a Few more pins from the top of the table with pleasure pins pins pins nice shiny pins for the lady in the green hat How is that? That's fine Now if I can just get the back of your hem Even with the front mama now what I don't see why you have to put the pins in your mouth Because of the only way to do this in a hurry if you got here when you said you were going to you Wouldn't be in such a hurry now Who are you all day turn you were supposed to be here at three o'clock and you didn't get here you're five and I Mommy you don't think you can keep a secret from me. Do you send me? I can all I have to do is put the pins back in my mouth and my lips will be permanently sealed You went shopping for a present for me present for you. Yeah, I must say I have better ways of spending my time But even if you come up with the right answer, I'm not supposed to tell you there is something then a surprise I'm surprised you're so suspicious Can I be a few hours later that being subjected to a cross examination like any old bank crime? I'm going to figure this out very systematically Now, let's see. It's the first of the month What always happens on the first of the month if you only stand still for two minutes I can have this him kidding of a new month Who do you see once a month? Mama, it's Aunt Louisa. What about Aunt Louisa? Where did she come from? Why she came right in from Long Island on the first of April to have lunch with you Stand still now Of course and she shopped in town to get me a present for when the baby's born Well, if it isn't Detective Lieutenant Norton and when did you join the force? I've been a member of the force man and boy for these 30 years Oh, no Aunt Louisa isn't going to give that poor baby one of those soup terrains One grateful child Isn't it too bad that silver stores won't take things back when they put your monogram on them Oh, no, they haven't put our monogram on Mama, we won't even have room for a terrine in the house at Eastbrook We haven't got a closet big enough Can't you put it outside the door with potted plants? Potted plants? Mama, you're fooling Oh, dear Aunt Louisa is so generous and it is sweet of her to give us a present at all And they're so expensive Perhaps she hasn't definitely given the order Maybe if I call her and just sort of hinted that we never eat soup She wouldn't have the monograms put on Mama, do I dare? Her phone number is Rockland Center 867 And if you let on, I said anything to you I'll deny categorically that I ever had a daughter and that her name was Claudia I'll be very careful I won't even say you're here Hello, Operator Please give me Rockland Center 867 This is Plaza 55597 You watch and see how carefully I do this You're wasting your time just being a prospective mother You should be at least our Ambassador to Moscow Oh, it's too cold in Moscow Hello? Hello, Aunt Louisa, this is Claudia Oh, I'm fine And how are you? And your asthma? It's a lot better, I'm so bad For dinner? Claudia, I was only fooling you It's April Fool April Fool? Oh, no, I wasn't talking to you, Aunt Louisa It's awfully sweet of you to ask us for dinner And we'll be there on Wednesday I'm so glad your asthma's better Goodbye Mama, you ungrateful mother playing a joke like that on your own daughter In the first place, I didn't play it on you You insisted on playing it on yourself And the second place, you'll have a lovely dinner I'd just forgotten completely that it was April Fool's Day I wonder if David remembers I want nothing to do with whatever comes out of that look on your face I bet he's forgotten all about it, too I wish I hadn't reminded you Yes, you had a wonderful time filling my house with imaginary soup terrenes And now you just don't want me to have fun, too No, I don't think David would care very much about soup terrenes What does he care most about? I know our house in the country Claudia, I don't think you'll be able to fool David for a minute Oh, won't I? I can keep the straightest face you ever saw You may be able to keep a straight face, but I've never heard of you keeping a secret I'll keep this one all right, just long enough I'll tell David that Mr. Paradiso called And we won't be able to move into the house on April 15th When do the new tenants move into this apartment? April 15th, that's the whole point We won't have anywhere to go And I'll get David to start calling up all the hotels to get a reservation That sounds more like an April Fool's joke on the hotels than it does on David I love to stay in a hotel, I love to In a minute, you'll forget this is a joke Can't you just picture how excited he's going to be when he hears? I can picture it exactly He'll say, April Fool They won't believe it for a minute His nostrils will wiggle and he'll put down his pipe And he'll say all kinds of things about Paradiso And you and I aren't going to open our mouths until he's made a dozen telephone calls Just one thing, Claudia I'm not a party to this I don't know a thing about it Of course not, neither do I That's the whole point Here's David now, quick, start fixing my dress Hello, David I wish I could whistle back, but Mama has pins in her mouth David, listen, I've got something to tell you before Darling, before you tell me anything I've got something important to tell you You have? Yes, maybe you'd better sit down And Mama, take the pins out of your mouth Me sit down? Maybe you'd better Because I'm afraid this is going to be a terrible disappointment to you Whatever it is, it sounds terrible Mama, you'd better take the pins out of your mouth Now, how can I tell you? Let me see, darling Yes? Darling, would you mind having to live in a hotel for a while? In a hotel? No, no, no Don't say they're expensive because they're timed when you just can't help the expense David, what are you trying to say? My dear woman, I had a phone call today Is that unusual? From Eastbrook That's not unusual From Paradiso Paradiso? This was the message The house will not be ready for us to move into on the 15th of April The house won't be ready by the... David, did you say that Paradiso said the house wouldn't be ready? Yes, that my darling is exactly what I said That's what I thought you said Mama, is that what you thought he said? That's what I thought he said I was right You are a sport, darling, I knew I just knew that you would take it, standing up I'm practically not standing up Darling, it's not so tragic We'll have a nice vacation in a hotel But I don't want a hotel, I want to move into our house Mama, I had a feeling Just before David came when you and I were... I'm putting the pins back in my mouth You don't have to now David, when did he call? When did he call? Now, let me see And just exactly what did he say? What did he say? Now, let me see Just how soon after the 15th can we move in? Well, he didn't exactly say He didn't say... Oh, that's a terrible sign, it probably won't be for weeks Or maybe just a day or two He ought to pay, David Paradiso ought to pay for while we're in a hotel Paradiso, come, darling It's not Paradiso Well, if he doesn't pay somebody else should... Should have to pay Why do we always have to be the ones Who pay and pay and pay? Because you're a woman I've half a mind to call that Paradiso And give him a piece of mind The other half of your mind David, I don't understand you at all You don't seem to care at all Well, darling, I'm not going to lose any sleep over Oh, you will If you have no place to sleep Remember what happened the last time We tried to get a room in a hotel? I remember That reminds me You had better start calling right away And make reservations or help people Well, I'm not moving out of my apartment again Thank you You're welcome You're right, David We'll start calling right now Where's the phone book? In the bedroom I'll get it Don't move, darling I'll get it Mama, isn't it terrible? That's what you get For trying to play jokes on people Oh, that's different With me it was a joke With David, it's serious Not that serious, Claudia You spend a day at two in a hotel You'll love it I love it when it's by choice But not by necessity Well, darling, I admire your spirit You do? I was just thinking I didn't have any I behave much worse about it than you did When I heard about it Darling, now come to think of it I'm not really as upset as I seem It'll give us more time to move I can get the furniture arranged Before we move in And we won't have to move out of one place And into another all the same day You know, I'm starting to think It's much better this way You know, I think so, too You, uh, you do? Absolutely I'm really very pleased The way things turned out And I'm going to call the Slater this minute And get ourselves a reservation Uh, this minute? We can't waste any time Well, tomorrow will do Never put off till tomorrow What you can do today, I always say You always say Always, didn't you know? Now, what's that number? Let's see Here we are Murray, you know Are you, uh, are you sure It's the Slater you want to call? Oh, yes I'll answer it Oh, I'm out here I got it Hello? This is Mrs. Norton Mr. Paradiso? It's Mr. Paradiso, the king of the devil Uh, uh, let me, uh, talk to him, Claudia Yes, Mr. Paradiso The house, what? You mean you've got some more news Since you called my husband this morning? Uh, I think I'd, uh, Better talk to him, dare What? You didn't call this morning Are you sure this is The first time you're calling today? You should have let me talk to him Claudia, I suspect that Yes, Mr. Paradiso Claudia, I, uh, it was all a joke, Claudia Yes, Mr. Paradiso, not until the 17th or 18th And you'll let us know It was just a joke, Claudia It was a wonderful joke, David What did you say was the number of the Slater hotel? Young lady, if you think you can pull my leg Your joke has gone too far Well, you're right, it's gone much too far That was Mr. Paradiso on the phone And his message was that the furnace Will be delayed until the 14th And we won't be able to move up to the farm Until at least three or four days after that What did you say, Claudia? Three or four days? That's what I said Are you joking? Do I sound like I was joking? You and your April fool Fine kind of a joke to play on a person Unsuspecting, no, no, no, operator I didn't say April fool At least I said it, but I wasn't talking to you I want to talk to the room clerk Yes, I'll wait Many of us have had to deny ourselves Certain of the good things of life lately Because they've gone up so in price But there's one thing we can all still enjoy And that's ice cold Coca-Cola Coke was five cents in 1886 And it's still five cents today Yet it's the self-same delicious drink It always has been The drink you relish whenever you want The pause that refreshes Well, Mr. King, Claudia and her April fooling Should teach somebody a lesson But I don't know who or what Well, the lesson's not important, Mrs. Brown Just having fun And I wouldn't take that hotel too seriously I think they'll be going to the country as planned Oh, but don't let them think they're the only ones going anyplace I understand Julia and Hartley are leaving for London tomorrow So Claudia said, and she and David are seeing them off at the boat That ought to be exciting I hope the boat doesn't leave with them on board I'd certainly miss them So would I, Mr. King Well, goodbye Goodbye, Mrs. Brown As I was about to say Every day, Monday through Friday Claudia comes to you transcribed with the best wishes Of your friendly neighbor who bottles Coca-Cola So listen again tomorrow at the same time And now this is joking, saying, or at war And remember, whoever you are, whatever you do Wherever you may be When you think of refreshment, think of Coca-Cola For ice-cold Coca-Cola makes any pause The pause that refreshes Claudia has come to most of you now for the past six months We'd welcome any suggestion Or anything you may wish to say about our show Write to Claudia Post Office Box No. 173 Church Street Station, New York 8, New York Now let me repeat, write to Claudia Post Office Box No. 173 Church Street Station, New York 8, New York And now here's a word from your friendly neighbor Who bottles Coca-Cola