 J-P-L-L-O! The Jell-O program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Kenny Baker and yours truly, Don Wilson. The orchestra opens a program with It Serves You Right. Shakespeare, who thought of everything, once said, all that glitters is not gold. Well, I have a new version of that. All that shimmers is not Jell-O. But you can be absolutely sure of getting the real thing. If you look for the name Jell-O on the box before you buy, that is your assurance right there of delicious things to eat. Yes, sir, before you even open the package, you know that here's a grand dessert. For that name Jell-O is a trademark. It's the property of general foods. If you ever hear any other Jell-O than dessert called Jell-O, you'll know that that is incorrect, for there is no other Jell-O. Genuine Jell-O brings you delicious, extra-rich fruit flavors, lovely glowing colors, the most inviting dessert you ever enjoyed. So don't accept any substitutes for the real thing. Insist on genuine Jell-O when you buy. Look for those big red letters on the box. They spell Jell-O and Jell-O spells a treat. Right played by the orchestra. Now, ladies and gentlemen, we bring you that Don Juan, that Casanova, that answer to a maiden's prayer, Jack Benny. Jell-O again, this is a woman's home companion talking. And Don, you certainly went to town on that introduction. If I do say it myself, you hit the nail right on the head. Oh, you liked it, huh? Well, Don, before you mentioned it, I never quite looked at myself as an answer to a maiden's prayer, but come to think of it, I guess I do have a way with the ladies. I've got to tell him, Phil. I'll keep still. Let him rave. Hey, wait a minute. What is this? Well, Jack, if you must know, Phil bet me a dollar that if I introduced you as a ladies' man, you'd go for it hook, line, and sinker. Oh, I see. A frame up, huh? Well, that's one on me. So you're making money on practical jokes now, eh, Phil? Yeah, that's my sideline. Yeah, well, just pull one more on me, and your sideline will be your main occupation. Anyway, I don't see what you fellas want to rib me for. You know, you never see me outstepping, unless there's a pretty good-looking girl with me. I admit that, Jack, but they always look so bored. Well, certainly they look bored, Don. That's because they're sophisticated. They're blaze. I mean, they're blasé. That's what. So your girls are sophisticated, eh? They certainly are. I saw you with one last night, and she had a gold tooth right in front. Well, she's from the Klondike. That explains that. All right, now explain those high-button shoes she had on. Oh, high-button shoes. I suppose she was wearing a bustle, too. It was either that or a papoose. You know, Phil, it's funny, but I just can't seem to scream at you tonight. Maybe I'm not in the mood. Who knows? Now, let's not discuss my love life any further. We've got a long play to do. Oh, hello, Mary. Hello, Jack. Who was that goon I saw you with last night? Goon? Yes, why don't you go out with good-looking girls once in a while like Phil does? Now, wait a minute, Mary. Miss LaRose may not have been the most beautiful girl. Miss LaRose may not be the most beautiful girl in the world, but she's a delightful company and very refined. Yes, she's the only girl I ever saw that ate a steak like it was corn on the cob. Now, she wasn't that bad. Go on. She ordered a baked apple and bob for it. All right, Mary, just relax and mind your own darn business. Say, has anyone seen Kenny? We've got to get our play started. You want me, Jack? Well, I don't want you, Kenny, but you're supposed to be here. Where have you been the last 15 minutes? I was outside in the telephone booth talking to my girl. Oh. But somebody wanted to use the phone, so we had to get out. That's a shame. And now, now that we're all here, tonight, ladies and gentlemen, by special request, we are going to bring you our 1939 version of Walt Disney's screen classic, Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. We are? Well, what do you know about that? Don't act so surprised, Bill. I announced we were going to do Snow White last week. Well, I didn't hear you. Oh, you didn't. Bill, don't you ever pay attention when I say something on this program? Not unless I say something right after it. I wish you'd think of someone beside yourself, Maestro. Oh, stop thinking about it. Bill, I didn't hear you say anything about Snow White either. Well, of course you didn't. All during the last half of the program, you were pitching pennies with the orchestra. Well, I won 30 cents in a piccolo player. I'll give him back to Phil. I'm going to find you 30 cents. Anyway, believe me, fellas, I announced Snow White last week. That's a lot of baloney. Oh, brother. Kenny, I said it and I said it, so everybody could hear me. I guess I must have been worrying about Congress. No doubt, no doubt. And now, folks, for our version of this play... Say, Jack, are you sure you announced Snow White last week? What a routine. You know, folks, this has been the greatest waste of time since Fred Allen got a sponsor. Don, Don, I'm as sure that I mentioned Snow White last Sunday as you are that you said Jell-O has 60 cents, strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon, and lime. Well, that convinces me and looked for the big red letters on the box. I knew that would get you. Now, getting back to our play, so Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, in our version... Hey, Phil, what's a dwarf? My salary with a beard on it. That's right. Now, in our musical comedy, folks, as none of us look like dwarfs, we are going to call our play Snow White and the Seven Gangsters. Mary Livingston, who left her roots at home, will be Snow White. Now, let's see. Who's going to be the witch? The girl Jack was out with last night. She is not. I'm getting the same witch we had last year. Where are you, witch? Here I am. Gee, is she going to be my stepmother again? Yes, and she's going to give you a poisoned apple. You stale pigeon! Quiet, you old bat. Now, our play will go on immediately after Kenny's song. And by the way, man, do you want to know something? Walt Disney is sitting in our audience. Well, as long as he stays there, we're all right. I don't mind him coming, but he didn't have to bring Ferdinand the bull with him. Sing, Kenny. As possessed me One love Thrilling me through My heart keeps singing Of one love Where the song goes In love Where the song I come to you Like a troubadour With a simple serenade That and nothing more To play No tinking guitar To just a song to tell you How sweet do we have But once inside Endingly beating Ever in treating Constantly true As possessed me My heart keeps singing Of one love Only for you One song from Snow White sung by Kenny Baker And thanks, Kenny, it was certainly apropos. Apropos? Who do you think you're talking to? Kenny, apropos means that your song fits the occasion. Oh, yeah. You mean like pajamas in bed? That's it, that's it, exactly. And now, ladies and gentlemen, for our musical comedy, Snow White and the Seven Gangsters, which we will present in four acts and 38 scenes. And as a special inducement for tonight only, we are going to give away to each and every listener a genuine solid gold soup knife. A soup knife, what's that for? It's for scraping it off of neckties. Now, here we go. The opening scene is an isolated farmhouse on Long Island, which is the hideout of the notorious bunny gang. As the curtain rises, Doc Benny is giving his boys a pep talk. Curtain, music. Now listen, men, we got a big job on for tonight. The biggest thing we've tackled since we cracked the mint. We're going to stick up the 12th National Bank. Do you get that? Now call the roll, see if we're all here. Sleepy. Oh, here, Doc. Sneezy. Curchew, Doc. Gesundheit. Happy. Right here, Doc. Feeling fine and rare to go. What are you giggling about? I got an awful toothache. Oh, isn't that jolly? Grumpy. Right here, Chief. But I'm afraid we're soon going to get caught this time. Oh, you're too pessimistic. Bashful. Where's Bashful? Here I am, Doc, under the bed. Well, come on over here with us. What makes you so bashful? Well, Doc, when I was a kid, I went to a party and I caught a sealant across the street. It had far spread it. Of course, I didn't know they were going to fight the sealant when he first started. And when I caught a farted sealant across the street, and I've been flushing ever since. Mmm, fine gangster. Now, let's see, who else? Oh, yes, Dopey. That's me, folks, in very apropos. And you're a fine crook, too, the way you waste your time. What do you mean? I sent you out yesterday to pick pockets and the first guy you hit was Fred Allen. What did you find there? Some chewing tobacco and some chewing gum. Oh. They taste awful together. I shouldn't wonder. And you, Bashful? Yes, Doc. I saw it yesterday and you brought back a bag of jelly beans. Well, the man at the store said he'd record a seat if I said with a boom-boom. I don't care what he said. Now listen, fellas, you've been laying down on the job lately, so I want you all to be on your toes tonight. Oh, stay, Doc. What is it, Sleepy? What time are we going to rob the bank? About midnight. And this time, don't fall asleep on the burglar alarm. Okay. I'm afraid of that job, Chief. We're sure to get caught. Oh, we are, eh? How do you feel about it, Happy? Grumpy's right. We'll all go to Sing Sing and never come out. Gee, it'll be awful. I certainly got a brave bunch of men here. It's scary your own shadow. Oh, shut up. Yes, sir. What's that? Gee, darn near worked. Now listen, men, we got a big job on tonight and we got to get some money. There's a payment due on our beards. So let's all work together. As soon as our supply of dynamite gets here, we'll go. Come in. Package of dynamite for Doc Benny. Sign here. Now, wait a minute. Is this dynamite good and strong? I think so. I had two arms when I started out. Goodbye. All right, men. I'll listen carefully. We'll meet tonight at 11.30 in the alley right in back of the bank. Is that clear? Sure, Doc. You'll be right there. You'll be right there. What about you, Dopey? Will you remember where we're going to meet? Yeah, I tied a string around my little finger. Well, take that yo-yo off the other end. I remember, fellas. 11.30 in the alley behind the bank. And then do you know where we go from there? Where? High-ho, high-ho, to rob the bank we'll go. A safe will blow and grab the dough. High-ho, high-ho, high-ho, high-ho, high-ho. Now, don't be late, you know. We've got to work quick with a chisel and pick. High-ho, high-ho, high-ho, high-ho. I'm sleepy that I know. And I'm so thirsty that if all the folks said that, high-ho, high-ho, high-ho, high-ho, high-ho. High-ho, high-ho, high-ho, why don't you eat jello? Just try a day shift, so delish. High-ho, high-ho, high-ho, high-ho, high-ho. To rob the bank we'll go. A safe will blow and grab the dough. High-ho, high-ho, high-ho, high-ho. Now, don't be late, you know. We've got to work quick with a chisel and pick. High-ho, high-ho. The scene changes. We now take you to the home of Miss Snow White, who lives on Park Avenue with her cruel stepmother, Mrs. Agatha Witch. Oh, she's a meanie. Take it away, Park Avenue. I can't talk to you and don't keep calling up here anymore. Goodbye yourself. Who was that stepmother? That was your boyfriend, Prince Charming. Now listen, Snow. I don't want you to go out with him anymore. He's just after your money. So are you. Well, I saw you first. Now, don't you dare to leave this room, you little brat. Isn't she awful, folks? Quiet, you walkie-gan weasel. Why is my stepmother so cruel to me? Is she jealous of me per chance? Or is she jealous of me good luck? And where is my Prince Charming? If he would just come and take me away, I'd be so happy. He'll be here, folks. You see? That must be him now. Is that you, Prince Charming? If it ain't, I wait, wash my horse for nothing. Hello, Snow White. How's my itsy-bitsy lamsy-pizzy? Isn't he lousy-wousy, folks? Oh, Prince, I'm so glad you're here. My stepmother's getting crueler ever. That's so. Well, what's the matter with that old Mickey Finn? Why, only this morning, she tried to kill me. She gave me a poison apple for breakfast. A poison apple? Yeah, and another thing. My stepmother says you're not a real Prince. You are a real Prince, aren't you? I'll say I am. My blood is so blue every time I cut my finger, I feel my fountain pen. Then I don't care what she says. I love you, my Prince. And if you'd only take me away from here, I'd be so happy. Don't worry, my little angel cake. Someday I'll take you to my castle in Van Nuys. In Van Nuys? When? Someday. Oh, someday we'll go away. Someday. Awful, folks. Well, goodbye, darling. I must go now. Away on my faithful steed. There he is now. Finn, isn't he? He sure is. He looks a little like Harrington. So Prince? So Prince Charming leaves. The door opens and in walks the wicked stepmother and says... Snow White? What's that in here singing? Nino Marchini. Well, he ought a gargle. I know it was that Prince Charming, and I told you never to see him again. But I love him, stepmother. He's so handsome and romantic. And besides, he's the only man I've ever seen. Well then, for heaven's sake, wait a while. Yes. If you hold out, you can get one to wear shoes. But stepmother, please. Anyway, I'll put a stop to this affair, you little fool. Here. Don't take it, Snow White. It's poisoned. Stay out of this, you gray-haired ham. Stepmother, this apple is poisoned. It is not. You see? I'll make you eat it. Come here, Snow White. Goodbye. So little Snow White runs away from home. And two days later, we find her lost in a dense forest, somewhere in Long Island. Hello, bird. Well, the same canary we had last year. Gee, none of these animals are afraid of me. Look at that little silver fox with a bushy tail. Isn't he cute? Come here, silver fox. Oh, no, you've got my brother around your neck now. All right, Smartie. Gee, I'm so tired and hungry. Oh, look, there's a farmhouse over yonder. Maybe I can get food and shelter there. We're ready to rob the bank. Now, remember, this ain't no picnic, so everybody work fast and be on your guard. Say, Bashful, have you got the machine gun? Oh, sure. I can't receive it, boss. It's only across the street. The father trade. It gets imported to a fisherman. Does that mean yes or no? Step a flat. Okay. Hey, dopey, stop chewing that dynamite. It'll blow your brains out. If I had any brains, it wouldn't be chewing it. Well, we're all set now. Hey, wait a minute. Where's Sleepy? Hey, Sleepy, wake up. We've got to go to work. Oh, well, we can do without him. Now, let's go, men. And here's my final instruction. While we're robbing that bank, there's one thing that's very important. What's that, chief? For heaven's sake. Don't whistle while you work. Or the cops will come. We'll have to run. Be as quiet as a turd. You mean quiet as a mouse. But I couldn't make it rhyme. Now come on, boys, and make no noise. We haven't got much time. Now remember each of you. We know what we must do. Now you must be still. I know I will. La, la, la, la, la, la, la. Don't whistle while you work. Or the cops are sure to hurt. They'll get their man, put us in the candle. Don't whistle while you work. I'm screaming, honey. Don't whistle, whistle while you work. I'm shouting, baby. Don't whistle, whistle while you work. And I'm repeating. Don't whistle, whistle while you work. All right, men. We're on our way. Let's go. Wait a minute. I know it. It's the cops. The cops? Gee, I bet they give us life this time. All right, I'll come in. Hello, everybody. My name is Snow White. Why, it's a girl. A girl? Yes, a girl. Why do you want Snow White? Gee, I thought this was a farmhouse. Aren't you all farmers? No, we're not farmers. We're bandits. And right now, we're going out to rob a bank. Rob a bank? Oh, you mustn't do that. Why not? Because it's anti-social and unstatutory. Oh, it is. Did you hear that, fellas? It's anti-social and then unstatutory. It's also pulled and quince and bourgen quince, or quince ticket. Never mind that. Come on, man. Tie this dame up and throw her down the cellar. Throw me down, too. Grab her, man. Now, wait a minute, Chief. She can't harm us. Well, we're not taking any chances. Tie her up. Why do all you nice boys want to rob a bank? Money isn't everything. We're not going after money. We're going after blotters. Now, scram. We're not going after money. We're not going after money. We're going after blotters. Now, scram. She's right, Doc. Let's call the whole thing off. I'm in favor of it. Yeah. Maybe I can get me old job back. Your old job back? What did you do? I was a tenor in a tough quartet. Hmm. Some tenor. And I used to be an orchestra leader. That's a lie. What were you, Dopey? I used to be a beautiful baby. Hmm. But look at you now. Find a bunch of gangsters I got. Now listen, Snow White. You listen to me, you big bad man. Hmm. You're all going to throw your guns away and stay right here. You're never going to rob another bank again as long as you live. Nothing doing. This is our racket and we're going to stick to it. Oh, come on. Now give me your gun. I will not. Here's my gun, Snow White. I'm going to turn over a new leaf. Here's my gun. Here's mine, too. Thanks. Be careful. There's water in it. All right, Doc. You're the last one. Now hand over your gun. Oh, here. But Sandy Claus will never forgive me. This is a Christmas present. Here, take it. Gee, I feel better already. Come in. Mr. Benny? Yes? Say, what are you doing here? I'm Prince Charming and I'm looking for my sweetheart, Snow White. Now wait a minute. You're not Prince Charming. He is, too. I just sold him my title. Oh. Come, my little Snow White. We'll go to the booby hatch and live happily ever. At last. At last. Someday we'll go away. Someday so far. Prince Charming married little Snow White, and he went back to Van Nuys. And Doc Benny went back to his old job as lifeguard in a Turkish band, Playfield. If you want your family to vote you the finest cook in the country, here's all you have to do. Serve jello chocolate pudding for dessert, the real old fashioned chocolatey kind. Rich and smooth and tempting. The kind of chocolate pudding that mother used to make, but so much quicker and easier to prepare. Then try jello butterscotch pudding. It's mellow and inviting, rich with true butterscotch flavor with an appetizing taffy color that makes you hungry just to look at it. And then there's jello vanilla pudding, an all family favorite. It's smooth and delicate with a perfectly grand flavor. All three new jello puddings are amazingly easy to make, while there's next to no cooking required. You'll find the simple directions on every package, and the best way to buy is three packages at a time. So ask your grocer tomorrow for jello chocolate, butterscotch, and vanilla pudding, the real homemade kind. This is the last number, the 15th program in the new jello series, and we'll be visiting again next Sunday night at the same time. Jack had to rush away to do another broadcast, folks. Say, Mary, you know we forgot to do one of the best songs in the picture. Which one is that? The Wishing Well number. You know where you heard the echo? Oh yes, we'll do it now, Andy. So you get down on the well and be the echo. Okay. I'm wishing... I'm wheezing... for the one I love... to find... Oh, hand me that bucket. No! Good night, everybody. Kenny Baker appears on the jello program through courtesy of Mervin Lurie Productions. This is the National Broadcasting Company.