 The Jack Benny program presented by Lucky Strike Quality of product is essential to continuing success and Lucky Strike means fine tobacco LSMFT Of course you said it Lucky Strike means fine tobacco so round so firm so fully packed So free and easy on the draw in a cigarette It's the tobacco that counts for it takes fine tobacco to make a fine cigarette and year after year at auction after auction The makers of Lucky Strike consistently selected by that fine that light that naturally mild tobacco fine light naturally mild tobacco Yes, Lucky Strike means fine tobacco and fine tobacco means real deep down smoking enjoyment for you So smoke that smoke a fine tobacco Lucky Strike so round so firm so fully packed So free and easy on the draw Gentlemen as you all know a few days ago President Truman took the controls off meat Which of course included ham and here he is. Hello again. This is Jack Benny talking and Don How could you possibly introduce me a swab? Dynamics sophisticated comedian that way well Jack. I thought it was good good think Don's eat think I mean a little of you must be brain. You can't be all blubber Concentrate Jack. I saw nothing wrong with the way Don introduced you. I thought it was timely I know but it was so Fred Allen ish I mean he always starts out on a topical thing and then beats it to death. I'll show you what I mean Go ahead Mary. You'll be Portland. Oh Jack. No Mary. Go ahead. I'll show you what I mean. Okay. Oh Mr. Allen Mr. Allen Well portman What's new? I see by the papers that President Truman took the controls off meat Yes, I know Portland and that thing certainly have happened fast Controls were off meat on Monday, and on Tuesday St. Louis slaughtered Boston So much meat be controlled since mama's glitter girdle after the wrong words That's what I mean Mary, and I don't want to I don't want to catch anybody doing jokes like that on this program You're right Jackson the meat shorty just a serious thing. You're not kidding Yeah, people can't get meat They'll take all the grain and then start making foolish things like bread, and then they'll be a liquor shorty Liquor yeah, that's the stuff that keeps you pickled in the middle with the ice bag on top So people could see what's going on You've got a hole in your head. Just pull the cork out and cut out that silly stuff Leave Malone Jack. I think he's cute. Well, I don't I do. Well, I Then where did you come from? That's what I asked my mother, but she said my father will explain it to me Anna sit down the state line ran right through the hospital. I said sit down. Oh, well to each his own to each his own What's that? I don't know it gets laughs on other shows Well, I don't want laughs on this one. It spoils the mood and believe me. We just had five minutes of mood We have not the people out there laughed as hard as they could just like it said on their tickets Well, that's radio for you. You say to each his own and it gets a big laugh She I remember when I was in vaudeville and things weren't that easy She I used to have to go out there with sock material when I had the audience where I wanted them I sang two hot choruses of my merry old's mobile and killed them I used to look pretty good in those goggles and dusters. I was the biggest hit in showbiz Wait a minute Jackson. How about Al Jolson? What are so wonderful about Jolson? He used to come out on the stage and go through his act down on one knee some trick I did my act on one knee long before Jolson ever thought of it. He was singing you were ducking He was singing. I was ducking. He was singing. I was ducking. This is where to each his own fit Mary if you keep making cracks like that, you're not gonna come to my house for dinner tonight You'll be the only one missing. What are we going to have Jack? Well, we're oh my goodness I forgot to tell Rochester to dress the turkey and chill the wine. Hey Jackson. Are we gonna have wine? Sauternly And still for a while. They'll probably want to take pictures That was a good one in my merry old's mobile What a car with my sweet Mary I told you if you oh, yes, I was gonna call Rochester Operator operator Say Mabel. What is it? Great shit. Mr. Benny's line is flishing. Oh, yeah, I wonder what little beaver wants now plug-and-see Hello operator. Will you please get me my home? Just a minute. Mr. Benny. I'll try Mabel have you been listening to mr. Benny's program this season? Yeah, and as far as I'm concerned South America can take him away Well, look gaitwood everybody's entitled to their own opinion. That's why they have a horse of another color like him I'm crazy about him every time he says hello again. I'm lousy with goose pimples I don't smoothen out till Monday Because mr. Benny went out with oh gee. I promise not to tell oh come on guy Should I always tell you everything? Okay, you talk me into it This summer I went out with mr. Benny and he made such love to me I almost fainted why guys should be a shift Fun silk ice like limpet pools a complexion like rose petals and ears like little seashells Gee, what do you say about your teeth? Nothing. I would forget them on a night like that Operator your house is busy. Oh, we'll try it again later. Will you come on Dennis? Let's have your song and very good Dennis and now ladies and gentlemen very good Dennis very good Dennis You always say the same thing. Why don't you tell me? I'm terrible sometimes. All right. You were terrible You're just mad because I sing good every week. Oh be quiet. Will you? What do you want and now ladies and gentlemen? And now ladies and gentlemen, we really have a surprise for you For our feature attraction tonight We're going to do our version of that thrilling spine tingling mystery series the whistler wait a minute, well, I'm certainly glad you dropped in because Tonight you can help me with the sketch. We're going to do Jack Jack. Who are you talking to that man? That man right there. What man? I don't see anybody That man right there was whistling whistling. I didn't hear anybody Jackson Are you kids crazy? I'm telling you there was a man standing right there at that microphone Dennis you saw him didn't you? Yeah, he was a kind of a mysterious looking fellow with a brown suit Penetrating eyes and a scowl on his face. That's right. That's right. And what was he whistling to each his own? He was not it was the whistler's theme song. Oh Jack. What's the matter with you? You didn't see anybody and neither did Dennis. Well, I Yeah, I thought I did Maybe it's because I've got my mind all wrapped up in the play we're gonna do Now Mary in this Excuse me, ma'am Hello. Oh, mr. Benny. I've been trying to get you home, but your line is still busy. Thank you Gertrude. Keep trying will you? I will and uh Mr. Benny, what is it Gertrude? Say it for me will you? Huh? You know say it once more, please. Oh, I don't wanna. Oh, come on, please just one. Oh All right. Hello again Darn it. She fainted again Oh Gertrude Gertrude Uh, this is Mabel. Oh did Gertrude hurt herself? No, luckily the goose pimples broke up full Gee she faints all the time This christmas. I'll have to give her some smelling salts Yeah, then you can stop carrying that water pistol. Yeah Now kids in the play that we're going to do tonight Mary before you go into the play we have to do the commercial. Oh, yes. Yes, don I'm glad you reminded me. I have the quartet right here Well, all right, but they're going to have to do what I wrote. No more of that silly stuff As long as I have to pay them five hundred dollars a week. I'm going to write their stuff myself Now look boys You're going to cut that out too Tech, I know you're the boss, but if you think you can write better than now see I wait in the bus music teacher Well, that's up to you Don I'm the boss you're the boss The boss what'd you say down What? What well, I said I said as long as you're the boss and you think it's that you can write as good as Nelson Eddy music teacher Why that's just up to you don't I don't care what? Wait a minute Nelson Eddy's music teacher. Yes. He's been training the quartet all week and jack. You'll simply love what they've prepared Well if a music teacher Well, that that sounds a little better don now we're getting someplace sit down kids This should be all right quiet everybody go ahead down. Let's hear it. Okay ready fellas. Give me that introduction LS MFT LS MFT Lucky strike means fine tobacco. Yes lucky strike means fine tobacco so round so firm so fully packed So free and easy on the draw Oh Thank goodness I Have you gone entirely crazy I mean is this what they've been practicing all week, but jack that was shortening bread I don't care what was apple panned out. He'd get those guys out of here I've had enough of this come on fellas out All I have is trouble trouble trouble. I'll bet it'll be just as bad on the repeat show too. Oh, why now come on kids Let's let's get on with the play take it boys Ladies and gentlemen, we now offer our version of that blood-curdling thrilling murder mystery The whistler Gwendolyn this looks like a wonderful breakfast. I'm glad you like it griff because I have a surprise for you My mother's coming to live with us. Oh bully. That's wonderful I'll change that Gwendolyn when is your dear darling mother coming tomorrow? I'm glad you told me in time now. I can buy her a present I wonder what I should give her Why don't you give her a kick in the teeth? No, gwendolyn your father gave her that last year What did you say dear? I just answered your question, but I didn't say anything. Oh, I thought you did You see I've got them confused already Well, I better finish my breakfast. Yes. Here's a great big bowl of cereal Wait, I'll pour the cream on it for you your ears now. They've stopped crack eat your cereal. Okay Gee that was a stubborn little one wasn't it? It certainly was darling dark. What did you say griffith? I didn't say anything. My mouth was full of the breakfast of champions Oh, yes, that's why you're so strong and powerful and masculine and Stop looking around. I'm talking to you. Gee. Thanks. Well, I better finish my breakfast and hurry to the office Give me a couple of eggs dear and some bacon about 12 slices of bacon. Yes, dear many strange things I even know where they got the bacon While his wife gwen is at home waiting for her sweetheart the iceman And now look look down the plan The iceman cometh Yes, the iceman cometh won't you come up with me to alabamy. Let's go see my dear On the door she's waiting for you. Hello, baby. Hello killroy and I got to get rid of this ice Just give me a kiss and I'll melt it for you. Come on Gee, I wonder what your husband would say if he caught you kissing me his best friend Oh, I tell you congratulating me on my birthday But you've told him that 28 times this year. Ain't he getting wise? No, but he's getting mad by me all those presents Gee killroy you and I could be so happy together if it wasn't for my husband Ah now you're on the right track. Well go ahead. Why don't you kill your husband killroy? I just got an idea. So did I let's kill Griffith. It must be love. We set it together Where go ahead go ahead kill him wendland I know just how to kill your husband We'll take him down to the union station and throw him under the wheels of a passing train But if union station all those people will see us. Oh, why they'll think it's a stunt for truth or consequences You can get away with it and you'll get a box of does No, no killroy. I have a better way when he comes home You hide in the closet when he hangs up his coach, you can strangle him and no one will ever know No one will ever know except me She'll be nice to get home to my loving wife gwendoline. I feel sorry for her. She's alone all day Are you sure she's alone? Yeah, of course about twice a week our best friend killroy drops in but that's only on her birthday Yeah, I'm three three presents behind this month already What's the matter with me? I'm acting silly talking to myself Lots of men talk to themselves when their wives are in love with another man And killroy was there Oh, she can't be in love with killroy after all when we were married. He was our best man Yes, and after the ceremony your wife kissed him remember But all brides kissed the best man after the wedding for three and a half hours It was either that or take him on the honeymoon What's wrong with me the way I keep talking to myself Anyway, I know that my wife doesn't see killroy anymore. Oh, she doesn't He will find them together. All right, I'll go home and see for myself Gee, I better be prepared. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you You see what I mean Here are three innocent people and I have planted the seeds of suspicion and hate Which will soon grow into murder Ain't I a stinker? Oh, well to each his own Darling you're home early step aside woman. I'm gonna search this house. Aha Look on the carpet footprints big footprints made by size 12 shoes Darling, why didn't you tell me your mother is here? Her mother isn't here you little fool. Those are killroy's footprints. Her mother wears size 14 Not always time ask her about killroy. Go on ask her about killroy. Huh? Oh, yes. Darling was joe here Not joe that was yesterday It's killroy's day and wednesday is bing's day. I'm going to open that closet door. No, no, I don't want to I'm afraid No, no, all right. This is going to be gruesome All right griffith Prepare to meet your doom I'm going to open that door now Oh darn it. I've opened the wrong door ladies and gentlemen The chief hope of our enemies during the war was to divide the united states along racial and religious lines And thereby conquer us Let's not spread prejudice anymore than uh, we would have spread enemy rumors during the recent conflict Through our behavior. We encourage the respect of our children and make them better neighbors to all races and religions Remind them that being good neighbors has helped make our country great and kept her free. Thank you Our telephone operators are played by sarah burner and b bennadere Jack will be back in just a minute. But first here is my good friend of mr. Effie boon In a cigarette it's the tobacco that counts and lucky strike means fine tobacco Yes, lucky strike means fine tobacco. Mr. Harry r king independent tobacco buyer of Durham, North Carolina has been in the tobacco business for 21 years He said at auction after auction I've seen the makers of lucky strike by real fine tobacco the kind of tobacco that smokes up smooth and mild Yes, for a real smoke. I picked lucky smoking myself for 18 years quote at auction after auction I've seen the makers of lucky strike by real fine tobacco Unquote season after season independent tobacco experts like mr. King can see the makers of lucky strike Consistently selected by that fine that light that naturally mild tobacco and this fine light naturally mild lucky strike tobacco means real deep down smoking enjoyment for you ls mft ls mft ls mft Yes, lucky strike means fine tobacco so round so firm so fully packed so free and easy on the draw The famous tobacco auctioneer has heard on tonight's programmer mr. Effie boon of lexington, Kentucky And mr. L. A speed rigs of goldsboro, North Carolina Basil rise dale speaking for lucky strike the cigarette of fine tobacco