 You can now follow me on all my social media platforms to find out who my latest guest will be and don't forget to click the subscribe button and the notifications button so you're notified for when my next podcast goes live. I could see my life flashing in front of me I was only 10, it didn't take long. It was in that moment that I knew I had to do something otherwise I was going to die. It's peace in war. Mae cyfnodd cyffredinol sy'n gweithio cyfnodd yn bwysig yn y dyfodol, ac mae'r byw'r byw yn ymgyrch i chi'n gyrddio'r byd. Ond fe fyddwn i'n ei wneud rwy'r fwyllgor i'r byw yn gweithio'r fawr a'r byw. Mae yna, mae'n gweithio fy nghyrch yn gallu ei bod yn ffynu arferm. Mae'r byw yn gweithio'n, mae'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio. Mae'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio. a dyna sydd ffrasach o'r cwyswch. Rwy'n fyw bows i'r hun, a oedden nhw'n fyw ystod ymlaen, ond nad oedd gennym gwneud o'r bwyntio nifer. A oedd yna'r unrhyw o gyfaf, mae pob penderlygnu i ddechrau. Mae hyn yn comfetio am y cwmiwn yw'r rhai bod hyn yn dweud, a'r aqur ydw i ddim yn meddwl, a dyna'r hyn yn fwy o gwlad. Mae yna yn rhan ni alwydden ni'r nefyd. Mae'r syniad, köri erbyn. mae'n si�mon a'r bach Lord Alexander yn chlas inni yn gallu herfodd. Felly, yna'r peth gynnwys i'w aeth gyda'r gweithgwyr. Yn y gwaith sydd wedi cael ei ch��요 i Siŵr, nad ydych chi pa'n gweithwyr bod y rhai. Fe yw'r gweithwyr, mae'n ddefnyddio'r newydd, a mae'n siŵr rai, yn i gyd yn dda siŵr. Rai, mae'n dda'n ddiddordeb yn y ffrwng. Rwy'n odd yna ymrhaer ymlaen yno, mae'n ddiddordeb yn dda o'n ddiddordeb. Mae'r boi yn ymwneud ar y blynedd yn y blynedd. Mae'r blynedd yn y mirau hwn o'r blwyddyn yn y blynedd, Maen i, mae'n gweithio'r ffordd fel y cyflogion a'r cyflogion. Mae'r cyflogion i'r blynedd yn ymwneud â'r 130h, mae'n ddweud gyda'r cyflogion ar y gwaith i'r blynedd, mae'n ddweud o'r cyflogion. Mae'n ddweud o'r 130h, mae'n cyflogion ar y blynedd. I'm driving a vehicle, I've got a machine gun on my fucking arm, blasting through my closed window at this car and as I'm in this attack I can smell the cordite from the bullets, everything, the whole thing happens, their car like crashes into the central reservation, we get out of there and I'm sitting there like the fucking winds coming in the car because we've got no windows left. Ringing in our ears because they're all the fucking loud bangs and I'm just sitting there thinking what the fuck just happened. Boom we're on, today's guest we've got Ollie Allerton, how are you brother? I'm good mate, thanks for coming down. Yeah thanks for coming on the show brother, it's good to meet you. Pleasure. Yeah, offer, special forces, who dares wins, man of many talents, I've watched a few of your interviews as well, very deep, very personal, a lot of trauma and pain, but the things that you're doing now to work through it and push through it is next level stuff, that's the stuff I crave in life and I think a lot of people will get a lot out of this interview. Again, first of all congratulations, just get married as well. I did mate, we beat the odds, we beat the odds, came up to your homeland, got married. It was awesome mate, it was the best thing you know, it's like the cliche but is it the analogy that great things are created under pressure? I believe so, I think that's where your growth is, when there's no pressure on, you've got no pressure to create anything but when there's a bit of pressure on you come up with the best stuff. So happy then married life. Yeah no it's great, it's great but I mean it makes no massive difference, it's like me and Laura in no rush to get married. July last year was supposed to be when we were supposed to get married and it didn't happen but the thing is, the way I am in life these days, if things don't happen I know it's for a reason. I mean I don't sit there beating myself up going aww, if things don't happen it's like the Channel 4 TV show, I'm no longer part of the UK one, when I got that phone call it was like yeah well that's my journey. Yeah just absorbed but adapt and then move on. So it's not your time for whatever or it's taking you to something else and that for us not getting married in July, we're starting to get pressured of who's going to come to the wedding and it was starting to turn into this massive beast. And that then ended up being what we wanted and that was a small affair where it was just me, Laura and the dog. Then the day it's all about yours too. It's about us too. Yeah fuck everybody else. Yeah I know exactly right. Yeah I mean you end up, let's face it you end up in a wedding don't you? People invite people because they're in the family it doesn't mean they like them. What politics involves when it comes to weddings that's why there's so many feats I think. I feel a play but I always go back to the start of my guest brother, where you grew up and how it all began. Yeah well I grew up in a place called Burton on Trent which was a, it's a brewery town. You know pretty much all my family worked in the breweries apart from my mum and dad but everyone in my family has worked in the brewery so you know I was born there. But really I don't have a, because of traumatic event at 10, I don't have any memory prior to 10. So your kingdom blocked it all out? Yeah I think it's because it was so traumatic it's like the rest is a blur beyond 10. It's almost like my life started at 10 years old. And that traumatic 10 was you nearly get killed by a chump? Yeah. How's that? How's that? Yeah it's a good question Burton on Trent. It's not in a jungle somewhere it's like, it was, the circus had come into town that day we were going out for, actually we were going out for a swim. And I was 10 years old, brother and his best mate. And then you know the circus had turned up just between sort of our house and the swimming baths. Circus had pulled up in town. So we were drawn to that you know I mean kids for God's sake. And straight away we asked you know can we have a look around. They were like yeah yeah you know I hurt myself. There was no health and safety in 1980. And before I knew it was in the big top. And I kind of lost my brother and his best mate. And I was drawn to this gap in the side of the other side of this tent. And I went over to it, opened it. The sun hit me in the eyes, blurred my vision for a couple of minutes. And as it cleared I saw something in front of me that was just out of this world. And that was a baby chimp. And I was in love with Tarzan. You know what I mean? I was brought up with Tarzan. I think I've been watching it that day anyway. You know I've watched it every day some holidays. And in front of me that was like a woman seeing George Clooney naked. It was my little piece of Hollywood. You know what I mean? It was Cheetah. Cheetah was there and I was like drawn to this creature. And I went over and before on it I stood over it. Looked down and this little creature then looked up at me. Beautiful brown eyes. And it sounds weird but it was reconnected. And then it started picking food off the floor. So it was passing this food up to me and I was like fuck it. I mean that's disgusting. So it was like chucking over my shoulder. And then it seemed like a lifetime that was going on. And then all of a sudden that serenity at that moment was broken. Like a fighter jet coming through the skies. I heard this roar and I looked in the background. In this sort of open area but it was enclosed with trucks and stuff like that. And there was movement in the shadows. And the shadows very quickly turned from shadows into what was clearly mummy or daddy. It was about 50-60kg. I didn't get a fucking chance to weigh it. It was fucking big. It's not on so let me weigh it. Let me just weigh it before you attack me. And this thing is coming at me in Mach 10 and I'm thinking fuck. I'm like a demon headlight. You know what I mean? I was brought over with cats and dogs. This is a roaring fucking grown chip coming at me in Mach 10. It's going mental. And then this thing. Just at the point I'm thinking I need to get out the way. Make a run for it. This thing pounces through the air. And it was almost like the blue sky turned to black as this thing landed on my chest. Pymud to the floor and it was just fucking mental. The first fist came down and knocked all the wind out on me. Second fist, third fist. And the next thing is teeth started coming into me biting away. And I can remember looking up at this chimp set on my chest. It was blood in its teeth. It wasn't the chimp's blood. It was my blood. And I thought I could see my life flashing in front of me. I was only 10. It didn't take long. And it was in that moment that I knew I had to do something otherwise I was going to die. And it was in that moment, the fight or flight or freeze. And I managed to dislodge the chimp slightly and I got a knee up to my chest. I managed to kick the thing off me. And then that gave me a few seconds and I managed to scurry out of there. And then the chimp got to its feet and it came at me in Mac 10 for the final attack. And honestly it was like seeing the films. It was like that far away from me and the chain caught it. And in that moment, the whole place erupted. But for me, and that's why I talk about that moment so much, because there's a few things in that. First of all, chartled trauma is the worst. One of the worst traumas you can have. Secondly, that was my first breakpoint. And that's the reason you sat here. This is the breakpoint academy. You've got the chimp to thank. And that's where the fast books about breakpoint. The first book is about breakpoints, about the theory of breakpoint. The theory of breakpoint is that to achieve anything in life, you have to take short-term discomfort for long-term gain. For me on that day, short-term discomfort was taking a fight to a chimp. And the long-term gain was me living. And that's the thing. When I use that as an analogy for life, we're wired to take short-term comfort, whether it's drink, drugs, relationships, work, everything. We're wired to take the shortcut. But that leads to long-term pain. The more shortcuts we take, and the more easy comforts we take, it leads to a life of pretty much next to nothing. And you have to know that to change anything in life to achieve anything, then you must cross that bridge of short-term discomfort. You have to have that link to a goal and there's a whole process. But that was my first breakpoint. And also the fact, it taught me at a young age that regardless of your situation, you have choices. Before that experience, until then after it, this is what shaped you. Your whole life did you become more insecure, paranoid, angry, or did you become more in-ear shell? No, mate. Did it change you completely? The first, you know, I was angry. I was a troubled little kid after that. It set me on a path of destruction. It's like hindsight's a wonderful thing, but it never won any wars. You know what I mean? We can sit back and reflect now, but then, you know, and you don't know at the time because when you have trauma like that, you lock away that intimate trauma. It's like a survival technique, in a survival technique to get you through the short term. So you lock away the intimate trauma. But that intimate trauma needs to be dealt with at some point. If you don't deal with it, it sticks with you for the rest of your life. For me, looking back, I then understand that that really did change the path of my life. I was an angry little kid, got into a lot of trouble with the police, ended up on remand at one point, and that was a turning point for me. I thought everyone was like, he's going to end up in prison for the rest of his life. So people were getting that label in you then, that you're what I was counting? Exactly. This was the first I'd end up inside for the rest of my life. That was the point as well. My mum, bless her, her life was falling apart, my dad had left. She was in financial ruin because of that, and she had three kids to bring up. At that moment, she knew how much I needed. She focused all her attention on me. She concentrated all that energy and pushed me into my cross-country running, all my exercise, everything. Then at that point, as well, 14 years old, my passion to join the military. So you made a decision at such a young age that you wanted to kind of... Do you think joining the military at such a young age at age 18, were you doing it because you were getting fit or stronger, you wanted to learn, or were you doing it to kind of run away from the place you were at? I think it's a mixture of things there. I know a lot of people joining the military. They are joining the military because they're running from something. They want that brotherhood, they want that family. There's a lot of kids that come from broken homes. But really for me, I didn't realise at the time, again, looking back, but at that time, I was... I just wanted to be... I wanted to be at war every day. At that time, looking back now, I understand, but the war wasn't external. The war was internal. I mean, the war was inside me. So regardless of where I looked, I would not resolve until I started looking within. But for me at that age, that took me on that path of self-destruction. And for me at 14, it was like that going to war was like the be all and end all. That would be the answer to all my dreams. It would be everything. Is that because you had chaos in your mind? You thought being involved in chaos externally, you would find your answers? You know what? Being in the Special Forces, and being in the military as well, but more so in the Special Forces is the fact that you don't actually start working until chaos starts raining. And that's when you fall into comfort. The worse it gets, the more comfortable you're trained to be. So when it's not chaos, that's when you feel like a fish out of water. You know what I mean? I call it, I've mentioned it in my books, it's peace in war. People like Special Forces soldiers are trained to be at peace in war. And that's the natural environment they fit into. But I think I adopted that before I even got in there through the traumatic events in my life. I mean, it wasn't just the monkey year. After the monkey year, I got run over twice. I was just in the shit all the time, whether it was me getting myself into dangerous situations, police, everything. It was just pushing and pushing and pushing. Was that about self-harming as well? Maybe a scream out for attention? Scream out for help? Obviously you don't know back then the deal with trauma and pain and inner child. We don't know. There's so much now that people are searching. You can search and find some certain answers. But you know your self-consistency is key. The old risk game, to change the neural pathways, to change the way you think and change the way you feel. It's all fucking struggle. It ain't easy. I mean, no matter how far you've done in life and everybody, you've got three successful books, successful show, amazing career. But every day I bet you still have to push yourself to get up and survive. People think it's easy. First of all, the last seven years have been the best seven years in my life. And everything before that was a fucking major struggle. It was a brave face, putting on a brave face. From the outside looking in. I tell you what, it's my mum read my first book, Brave Point. And she's like, I had no idea. They're the closest people to you. They have no idea. And you've kept a brave face all the way through. But it was a fight. But even still, it's like still loving a business. It's like everyone thinks that, oh, ex-special forces soldier. They find this shit easy. Whether it's getting up early in the morning at 5 o'clock in the morning to go out for a ride. I don't find it easy. And another thing is people think that, oh, well, you're ex-special forces. You cut from a different cloth. That's the load of bollocks. We bleed and breathe just like everyone else. You know what I mean? We're no different to anyone else. It's just that we've found ourselves in extraordinary situations. So really, it's not a case of that. I struggle every morning. And that's why I'm a second book. It's called Battle Ready. Because every day is a battle. It's not about being in a war zone. It's about every day is a battle and every day is the best version of yourself. We'll plug your books just now. So we've got Breakpoint. We've got Battle Ready. And this is the latest one. Scar tissue. Yeah, scar tissue. So this is the biography. That really laid the foundation of who I am, the journey and everything started at 10. This was when I came back. 2011 is when my pressure cooker exploded. So my life started to fall apart big time. And that is really the process that I put in play. That's the processes, the disciplines, everything I put into place to change and get to where I am today. And then the third book, Scar tissue, is my first step into the fiction waters. But the thing is, I was, when they say, you know, when we talked, or I talked to the publisher and my publisher about doing fiction, I was like, I don't want to do fiction. I want to do everything self development. I want everyone, you know, my journey, I want to help other people. And they said, they said, well, what about doing the same thing but in fiction? I was like, what do you mean? He said, well, the best platform for trying to inspire people and motivate people is storytelling. It's an age old method of getting that message across. So I realized, although it's fiction, it follows the story of my life and it follows, you know, the emotional trauma that I was going through while having to deal with a very real situation. And you know, that book is very much the DNA and the blueprint of who I am anyway. Writing your books and putting everything on the line, do you find that therapy for you? Yeah, I do, but the thing is for me as well, you know, when I said before about cutting, you guys are cut from a different cloth, if you don't make, if you don't allow people to relate to you, the content can't be absorbed. You know what I mean? Unless they can relate to you, it's very important for me, for my own sort of therapy and also to know that that is really helping other people to be an open book, you know what I mean? And actually explain and show people that you're just the same as them. I mean, until you do that, your audience can't relate and you're just someone that they could never be or you're a very different kind of person. So it's important for me that, you know, I have been more than honest in these books, 100% honest, 100% honest with the fact that I didn't particularly enjoy being a special forces soldier. Everyone sees, oh, he's an exceptional forces soldier, he's been on TV. They don't understand that there's a massive gap between those two points, you know what I mean? And really the fact that I didn't find my purpose until a long time after, until about 2011, I didn't find my purpose in life. And that's, you know, when I look back now, it's like, I couldn't understand when I was in the military when everything I did from an early age, I was never happy, never happy. That's why I was bouncing all over the place trying to find this external fix that was going to make me happy, make me fulfilled. And it wasn't out there. It wasn't until I started looking inwards, but that was only when I stumbled across something when I went to Southeast Asia and rescued kids from prostitution and slavery. That was the one thing that changed my life forever. See the world of deftly. Yeah, no, it's just, it was the fact that for once in my life I found something that I felt so humble to be a part of. And that was the absolute wealth you get and benefit you get from helping other people. Yeah, that's the gift of life because it's free. Yeah, that's free. Exactly. And people, the thing is, we're so driven by money and everything, agreed it. I tell you what, forget COVID, forget anything. You know, the biggest virus on this planet is greed. You know what I mean? It's the cause of every war, cause of everything. And really we're so money driven. We're so materialistic that we've lost the benefit of helping other people. Even in a close-knit team, people can't help each other. They're competing against everyone. And that's why we do a lot of corporate work. And they say to us, how can we do this? You know, they're always looking outwards. And we're like, look inwards. Once you get your synergy, the synergy of your people working together, and you drop that ego, and you start working towards a joint focus goal, that will change your external productivity. But the thing is the point I'm trying to make, that really made me understand the power of helping other people, especially when they're less fortunate. And we weren't being paid for that. You know, I funded that from my work in Iraq. All the money, you know, I funded the whole operation. So it wasn't because of money. But what it gave to me was, the wealth it gave me was just unbelievable. Yeah, they feel good. We knew help other people, not only are you helping them, but you're also helping yourself. You're feeding your soul, which is the key to life, but it is difficult because we're still all selfish fuckers. You know what I mean? We can preach all this stuff and we still think, we always want more. I always want more. You always want more. We've kind of known the tools and techniques what we're talking about. So we kind of know the frequencies and the vibrations that we think we will attract. And it's powerful stuff. And you're living proof that it happens, the same as myself, that I just constantly believe I do affirmations every morning. Just keep repeating to myself. If I believe it, then I will attract it and it's working. But it's still a battle. When you joined the Marines at 18, why did you choose the Marines? I chose the Marines because someone said it was the hardest. You know what I mean? It was like that's the hardest train. I wanted the hardest train. I also didn't want to trade. I wanted to be a soldier. I wanted to be in combat. I didn't want to learn how to fucking mend a vehicle in the military. I thought being in the military for me was being on the front line and fighting. You know what I mean? So that, it was either, I don't know why it was never the Paris because that was a similar kind of thing. But for me it was the Marines. So and my grandfather was in the army. But you know, it was just wanted to be at the Marines. I think it was the people around me that influenced that at the time. How hard was the training at 18? I always say that that training for me to go from civilian as a young lad into the Royal Marines was harder than doing special forces selection. Because you go from special forces, I'm already a soldier. So that transition from soldier to special forces soldier was easier for me than going from a civilian, a young boy, to a Royal Marine commander. Do you think a lot of kids at 18 should be there? Or do you think if they're running away and a lot of mental health, maybe already struggling because we know a lot of soldiers and do a lot of homeless work back home. The majority of the people on the street are ex-military, PTSD that are struggling. But a lot of people are struggling now. Do you think there should be more mental health checks before you join? Yes, 100%. Do you know what I mean? I've said this before and it's like this is always the problem. They're looking at, you need to go to source. Whenever there's a real problem, you need to go to the source of the problem. It's like when we rescued those kids in Thailand, we were going to the brothels in Thailand and doing these undercover investigations with hidden cameras and all that, trying to find these kids that were working in brothels as underage prostitution, et cetera. We realised it wasn't working because they were already ingrained into that kind of lifestyle. They were already, they all of a sudden had money, had mobile phone and all this kind of stuff. So we ended up then going to the source of the problem. That's the only way you can tackle anything. We had to go into the foothills in Thailand and find the camps where they were being kept before they were brought into that world. It's exactly the same as this situation. If you want to resolve the situation, it's not the back-ends you need to deal with. It's the checks on the front-ends. I've said this time and time again, they need to have some kind of a lot more checks when they actually join up. Even if it's not the fact they can't join, they should then be given a lot more support at the front-end because it helps out at the back-end. The thing is that the students have to be ready though. A lot of people say to me, was the military causing your PTSD? I say, I can't pinpoint that. It's not one particular event and though I had this dramatic experience, I joined with a load of issues anyway. So I don't blame them. It was there when I left. I'd have gone like, fuck off, I'm not doing that. I wasn't ready to admit that I had a problem. It didn't come out until years later. It was only a year ago, 49 years old, that I dealt with the chimp. That's a long time, but again, at least you're dealing with it. You know yourself, PTSD, mental health. People are struggling with mental health now and a lockdown, living in luxury. So as difficult as human beings, me personally, we shouldn't be seeing death. We shouldn't be seeing pain, misery. But again, that's what we're conditioned for such a young age to get into that life and like these kids in Asia. They're used to that, they'll be used to that at such young ages. They've been used to seeing dead bodies and you think it's right, but there's something deep inside within that tells you there's a sickie feeling even though I'm doing good things. There's still a sickie feeling it. Something ain't fucking right, man. Something's not right on this earth and point it. I don't know what it is. I don't know if I'll ever find that, but that's just something telling me that's something ain't right. When you went, because I know you went to Northern Ireland for your first stint away, was it a head rolling down your hole? A head rolling down the, yeah. The sergeant, the thing is I joined and you joined from this brochure. What age were you then? I was 18. Straight into the firing lane. I was 19 when I actually went to Northern Ireland. But basically that was for me it was like that was reality. You know what I mean? Up until that point I joined because of this. I saw people in uniform. I thought it was so cool. You know all that stuff. That was the draw card. I opened this brochure and there's a bloke on a fucking windshield. He's got his missus, he's blond. Essence sat on the beach waving at him. You know what I mean? The reality of it was, the first day out of training four or five commando in Scotland and I sat there on Christmas Eve with a weapon like this is shit. And then shortly after that I then go to Northern Ireland in my first tour. People call it a conflict but when people are trying to kill you I call it a war. Definitely. We were called in I think it was the first night we got there because we were taken over from the Coldstream Guards. And there's a bigger price for raw marines. Anyone with a green beret or a red beret there's a bigger price out there for you as a hit. They obviously up the ante to try and get as many kills as they could. They got the dates mixed up of doing the change over so when they attacked this checkpoint they expected us to be there and we weren't there so the Coldstream Guards were still there, we hadn't fully taken over we were just in country. Straight on the helicopters when something major happens in that area south of our Marl. It was that night the first night we got there straight to the chopper straight to the checkpoint and the whole place was a mess and the sergeant got out and he'd been to Falklands he'd probably done a few tours in Northern Ireland and there was smoke just crap everywhere you just like as a kid you're like fucking high as a massive looking around and he'd kick something on the floor it was like he said we've got to see if we can find any one of these fuckers and he looked down and it was a head in the helmet and he's like fuck you now that was almost like I'm not saying that's the most traumatic event in the world but for me at that time that was like a boy to a man in the fucking heartbeat that was the reality fuck me there's no beach there's no windsurfing there that's the reality Do you have to adapt to that situation straight away? Do you think constantly the main job is everything Do you feel as if you get brainwashed for a young age to think that that is a normal way of living? I think at the end of the day it's not like you adapt what happens to you straight away it's a subconscious thing you've experienced it, it changes you in a heartbeat and it's not like a conscious effort all of a sudden that does change you it's like that for me was like I had to grow up it was like you need to grow up you're just a boy it was something that happened survival mode basically you could have been that fucking head rolling down the stage it's almost like this shit series now it's no longer a game your mindset though going through the trauma from 10 to 18 being knocked down was that not a turn on but did that excite you that you were involved with conflict did that feel normal to you? no it did feel normal to me it did because that's where I'd always wanted to be for me being there was just like although it was a life changing situation in a heartbeat it was like I am now where I want to be there was that element of excitement while this shit is real that's what I've been changing it felt more at home than it had been for the last 8 years it's not stored how the mind the mind is such a powerful tool we still don't know what it's about it functions well I'll watch a few YouTube videos and read a few books and I think I'm a fucking genius but yeah there's so much more technology to it but there is and there's so much shit information out there as well I look into that so much I do a lot of corporate talks and I've looked when I came back in 2011 and that was the 2014 sorry 2011 I came back from Thailand that whole operation had fallen apart and I the pressure exploded and that was when I started having suicidal thoughts and I always say look I don't know if I'd have done anything about that but the fact that you're having suicidal thoughts you've already gone too far and that in itself is the fact that you're suffering from depression at the very least so that for me was a turnaround point of doing something about it 2011 I started to get myself on a slow incline getting myself out of that bottomless pit and the only way I could do that was by creating a goal it was also about cutting away drugs cutting away alcohol I never stopped doing it but it was like limiting my exposure to it at one point that was dominating my life I came back from Thailand and it was like drinking anything anything I could do to not face myself it was numbing out everything through drinking drugs and it was that turnaround point and then 2014 I came back I put myself into self isolation and Cornwall had to spare house I didn't have a spare house my family did and it was three months I changed the fucking person I was from day one to leaving there three months later and I didn't even recognise myself and that was through mind, body, nutrition I I had control of what was consuming this so I didn't know mainstream media in any form radio, TV, no newspapers and that's something I still don't do to this day particularly it's all negative bullshit it's all negative bullshit I didn't need that distraction the one thing I needed to do at that point was focus on me and I wanted to start a company called Breakpoint which was really helping other people but I couldn't do that unless I came from a place of solid foundation there's so many people out there trying to help other people and they're fucked do you know what I mean there's a reason I know it's like a cliché but it's like it's a reason when you get in an airplane in an emergency make sure you put your own gas mask on before you help anyone else and that is how you should deal with stuff you've got to make sure you're fixed you come from somewhere so I had to focus on me for about three months and that for me I had no money no nothing I wanted to start this company it was all great and that goal really scared the shit out of me and every goal should do you know what I mean but I knew I could break it down the first thing I had to do was get control of myself and that's what I did I didn't even know about the TV show then when you said something you said you want to be an island that was like a realisation no one else had this it was just like excuse me I can remember I got up one morning we've been sleeping out in the rough sleeping out overnight doing operations and that next morning I can remember the ECM equipment one of the guys used to have an ECM and that used to basically pick up if there was an explosive device it used to jam the signal or at least warn of a signal and I can remember looking across I don't know why it was at that moment but I looked across and I won't name it just in case you're listening but I looked up the hill at him and his earpiece we relied on him to go to ground and not go any further he was swinging around so he was just walking along his earpieces hanging off his ear so he's not even got it you know what I mean and then at that point I don't know why it was that point but I sat there thinking it was just like an epiphany it was like this is bullshit I just realised at that point all these operations all these things that we're asking us to do we weren't the focus of the mission we were the bait because that's how they can do their intelligence and build the intelligence picture and when people don't get attacked like the squad is then they can't build that intelligence they need to go off the last incident so I just felt at that point I thought we are just bait for something to happen they put us into this area go and check this out but what they really want to happen is that we get attacked what was your mindset like then that you want to leave and that was it for me because I joined I remember when I first went to the careers office in Derby and again Brocia and one of the things in the Brocia was like the trades you can do in the Royal Marines not many but I just want to be a soldier so the centre of the book as it opened up was this expanse of blue and there was a mini sub and there was a combat frogman swimming to the mini sub and I was like she said what do you want to do if you ever actually get in and make it as a Royal Marine and I went I want that and she just laughed at me and you know what I mean she just looked to me and she said everyone wants to do that and that was the special forces the FBS but it was that thing that you know so I joined not having a conscious decision saying I'm going to join the Royal Marines and now I'm going for the special forces but that laid a seed of something at that point and I always thought I wanted to go for special forces but at that point after getting to Northern Ireland coming up with this epiphany that this is all a waste of time then we came back from there went on leave and then we got called up for Operation Desert Storm when I came back from there I just lost all confidence this dream that I had since I was 14 years old and said I'm going join the Royal Marines it's going to be the best thing ever for me and then getting there and then being so illusioned knocked my confidence like you wouldn't believe so at that point I came back from Desert Storm and I was like I started to lose all faith in it you know I started partying hard and everything and I really had no motivation for the military and it wasn't until I put my notice into leave and everything and I end up bumping into my old officer from Northern Ireland Danirac and he says oh you're doing this for me and he's like what he says I knew you he says I know you have what it he said I know you have what it takes to join the special forces if you don't do it you'll regret it for the rest of your life and although I doubted myself massively him saying that to me fucking gave me all I needed that little bit of confidence to give it a go and those words you'll regret it for the rest of your life stuck with you massively but that's the thing about leadership he's like an amazing leader someone I looked up to and someone at that time I was feeling very lack of confidence a massive lack of confidence and that's how influential people can be to other people but you know again you know what it's like in life there's a lot of people out there a lot of time a lot of the time when people doubt you it's because they doubt themselves but for him it was like if it wasn't for those words and every time I found it tough on selection special forces selection it was those words how do you think you'd have coming back from Iraq and Ireland to go back straight into civilisation do you think you'd have really struggled possibly prison possibly dead over those maybe if you never went there's special forces I don't know it's a really hard question I mean there's a lot of questions around you know I could look back on it's like a lot I've been asked the question before do you think if you got attacked by the chimp would you have made it in the special forces if I'd have been attacked by the chimp would I have joined the forces I mean there's a lot there's a lot of questions like that but you know I'd like to say that I think you know when I was a kid and I was getting into a lot of trouble with the police I don't think that was me that wasn't me it's not like I almost that was a weird time in my life I had no consequence at that age I didn't even know what I was doing was wrong to be quite honest but so I don't think I'd have been searching to I don't think I'd have got in trouble again I think I'd have found my way I think it would have taken a lot of time Were you partying, drinking drugs and Iraq? What? No not in the military What was the story you took Saddam Hussein's old Mercedes That was when I was a contractor I went back there this is fucking hilarious there was a kid you know what I mean I was like fucking absolutely you think you were growing up don't you when you were 18 and then I'm there years later after doing special forces and all of a sudden I'm in Saddam Hussein's village we had his cars for fuck's sake we used to hire them out so we bought all these cars we used to hire them out into Baghdad it was like Hertz car rental but an Armin Mercedes that used to be Saddam's and it was a spin out story and then going to those parties which was just mental a country like that you think guy it's going to be so strict every Thursday night was party night these parties kicking off all over Baghdad all these contractors and everything that first night was in that villa it blew my mind I'm there and the lads had been there I just got into country body armour on weapons and everything I take your weapons and put them down there take your body arm and chill out that's when we were like the door flies open it doesn't fly open the door opens and all of a sudden women in burkish you can just see their eyes and they're coming I'm like fuck where's my weapons I was counting them coming through the door 13 come in into this like sunken area this sort of lounge area we were around the outside and they took off these burkish European pong gear on and it was just alcohol drugs everything it was just absolutely it was the macking the party it was made out I was like what's going on? I was there as an 18 year old kid you know what I mean and now I'm there as a contractor it was the Wild West mate it was mental there was money flying everywhere fucking million dollar pallets coming in every day by the Americans the place was flooded with cash everyone's fighting for what they can get hold of it was just mental days how hard was it because obviously watching your videos and reading your books you done the test for the special forces twice this is all about the mindset this is the stuff that I love so you were so closely passing in any second time you had an injury but we were great from the start of it the first time you done it how intense was it is it six months? yeah six months and I always say it's the hardest thing I've ever chosen to do and that's it's not the hardest thing I've done but I chose to do this but really what happened is because I joined the SBS the first selection I did I'm one of three people in the world to have done the old special boat service selection and the new SAS one because they sort of amalgamated and it's all one selection now so the first one was an SBS one and I have to say I'm sorry to anyone that's offended but that was the hardest thing ever I've ever done didn't know what was going on one day to the next didn't sleep for days and it was just absolutely just thrashed and thrashed in canoes, carrying canoes digging canoes in the ground it was just mental under pressure all day long and then we went off to the jungle that's when you did used to join the SAS and do that joint selection process in the jungle so six weeks in there then you used to come out and do some skills training the last thing you do is escape an evasion and it was in escape an evasion that we were escaping across Wales and we had an altercation with a Welsh farmer I mean it's funny because I always wondered whether that bloke was listening but we ended up going into a barn and you're not supposed to have any civilian contact everyone cheats and it's just the name of the game and then we got a lift off the guy and then that now we're trying to get out of his car we couldn't get out of the back and he's pissed out his face, he had his handyman was driving the car and we managed, we were like ah Glen, let us out, let us out and we could hear him get out of the car then we heard this thud and then one of the lads managed to smack the doors open we ran off and then two days later we're pulled in a field interrogation and they knew exactly what had been happening and what had happened, the guy had fallen out of the car smashed his tail on the floor, gone to hospital and said that he had been beaten up by the SAS and then we were off the course two days after six months and how did that affect you then were you thinking game over that for me, when I started selection it was like I'm going to go outside, I'm going to be a civilian that officer that changed my there was a lot of training obviously there was a couple three months of training to actually start so it was a nine month process to get to the end then and then we sent back to 4-5 commander up in Scotland, Arbroath and going back there it was like I was losing all fucking motivation whatsoever that sort of furnace that was burning of passion to be a special forces soldier and I've always been one of these people that focuses on the on the Amazon I don't look at the journey, you can't control the journey but I can always fall in love it's something I've always been able to do I still do it to this day I actually experienced that like I've already achieved it I add emotions to that and make it very real and that's the one thing that pulls me through and I had that dream that dream of being a special forces soldier how that would change my life and you feel how all kinds of stuff and that was the one thing that fire was just embers but then I got back to 4-5 and it was going back there and it was actually hearing those words again in my head you'll regret it for the rest of your life and it was almost like there's unfinished business I need something, I got so far to the end that how could I just walk out so those embers that were still burning I managed to recreate get them going again before it was a fucking a fire of passion to achieve it again and I was back on there and then the second time around was just fraught with fucking absolute Was it hard though to say everything because you know you were getting yourself into it or was it easier? Yeah, it was easier because I then did the joint selection now the joint selection is you know every day what's going to happen so I know what's going to happen tomorrow the day after when I did the SPS selection you don't know what's going on you've got a clue what's going on so that knowing, being able to know that tomorrow is like a 20k ymp the day after that's going to be 30k then it's for whatever it is we knew the path in front of us when you don't know the path in front of us it creates all kinds of self doubt anxiety and all that kind of stuff but for me doing that selection going to the Brecon Beacons and doing their selection it would have gone fine if it wasn't for the fact that I nearly broke my leg or my ankle my ankle did a 90 degree I could hear all the tendons going and you know at that point they tried to take me off and said look you're not going to pass I said if you fail a march because of that you'll never be able to come back again because I've already done it once and they were like I just know in my head that there was no way I was coming back this was the last time I wouldn't be coming back again Has anybody ever come back for the third team? You're not loud? Now and ever I'm not going to say I'm coming off with a medical withdrawal that means I could have had another go I just know in my head that I didn't have it there to come back again How long was the march? You had to do? You do it days and days and days so the first one I think was a 20k yon that first one was with packs, weight, weapons, everything and that's when I went over on my ankle my ankle swelled up massively but that night I just strapped it up took loads of proofing and I was crying the next day through the Elan valley they call it baby's heads because the ground is so uneven it's horrendous and I can remember crying all the way through that but I made the times and then slowly over that time I managed to do that every day and then my ankle started to get a bit stronger stronger but it was horrendous How many people do these courses? Well you're looking around about 260 and about 5 people pass every course and you're passed with your feet fucked as well so you're getting through that sort of intensity did that obviously you're battling with your mindset does that make your mind stronger or does it make it more kind of all over the place because you're putting yourself through it You know what I was saying people interested me I was watching people that people want to find an excuse so they don't have to blame they don't have to be seen that they haven't got the mental robustness to complete it because special forces selection you have to be fit but it's really about being able to maintain being in a state of discomfort for long long periods of time you can get the fittest person in the world to come and do special forces selection it's such a level of discomfort you chuck a pack on the back you make sure they're cold for extended periods of times and they'll just fall apart so for me it's just and I could see so many people you know they come off with a little sprain or that's me I'm done and I just saw these people thinking fucking yeah that's just weak I just knew that my leg was bust it was fucking so painful and I was seeing people with a little graze and a little limp and going oh no it's not for me I mean your feet your foot comes off with it every night you know the blisters and so your feet are just raw so each every march you do you have to get through about two hours of pain just to get over the pain barrier you know every day it's just horrendous pain but you have to be able to put up with that to keep on going but does that show you how far human beings can go when they actually put their mind to it see the people who passed with you did you know that did you see something in them that they would pass no no I'm surprised with so many people that ask you so many strong people that become so weak and you're surprised that people will fuck me you're really strong mentally there was a surprise to you who passed with you I mean it wasn't so much a surprise because it's an ongoing process but you can see people dropping by the wayside but you can't predict it from day one you can't say well he looks fit so he's going to pass because you don't know what's going on up here you know what I mean it's like the ones that shine through at the end you couldn't predict that fitness is one thing if someone turns up and they're not fit then it's clear that their physical ability is going to hold them back and they're not going to pass but it's so hard to say that he's going to pass, he's going to pass it's like watching the show on TV I see a few days when everyone goes I thought he passed because he was really fit and it's like that plays a small part you've got to have so much mental strength to be able to carry on and try and draw that extra 40, 50, 60% when times get shit you've got to understand that we're wide to avoid any kind of stress discomfort and our minds will steer us away from anything that's going to cause us that so our minds are always looking for the easy way out always and it's about being able to to beat that it's about being able to beat that I talk a lot about the psychology of everything so I understood that that we are always looking for that we're always looking to avoid the stress and discomfort and any kind of shortcut we can take, we will do I think when you understand how we work as humans it's like I always say a mechanic can't fix a car, can't fix a motorbike any kind of machine until he understands how it works it's no different to us no different to us humans as soon as we understand what's going on up here and how to work with it we learn to work with our weakness as well as our strengths that helps us get through everything what happened then after you passed was it the SCS the second time? SCS passed the SCS selection what happened? after I finished that I went to my team and then to me that was like it was almost like I had done that challenge and straight away I was like unfulfilled again and I just couldn't find that I couldn't find that sort of everywhere I looked it wasn't there I couldn't find that, I couldn't feel fulfilled I couldn't find any balance and it wasn't until I went over there to Thailand that I found that because after spending six years in the Special Forces and then coming out at the back end of that then going over to Iraq as a contractor and again I'm bouncing all over the world if I can try and find this external fix it's not there and I'm drinking too much and I'm doing this, I'm doing that and everything is external it wasn't until I did that operation with the kids rescuing the kids in Thailand that everything started to change when I started to understand the thing is, I look back now we have to find purpose it's all about purpose but the thing is, as a kid you can't find purpose you need to experience so everything I was doing I was bouncing around trying to find these and then I stumbled across something that then I stumbled across my purpose How did that come about with the kids in Asia because I know I think there's over 2 million people or 2 million kids get trafficked in Asia alone each year it was fun to fucking it was crazy How did you end up going into that path? I came out of Iraq and I was like I need to stay away from war zones my mental health was absolutely I can go downhill big time I was over in Iraq and I was taking steroids at one point, valium drugs alcohol heavily and it was just like a cocktail of mayhem for my mental health came out of that and living in a war zone for 6 years was horrendous I came out, I was living in Australia at that time and I was like got into some property development stuff like that everything was going fine but then I just started again I started getting bored because I was getting bored and because I couldn't find that sense of fulfilment that I could never find I thought I had to go back to a war zone and I thought that's where that's where you guys go special forces soldiers so anyway, I then got some information about an organisation called the grey man that was rescuing kids from child prostitution slavery in Southeast Asia those numbers the thing that hit me the hardest was the fact these kids were sold into that lifestyle by their families now I fucking moaned about in that book I think I moaned about not getting a hug from my dad but the kids were sold by their families and I couldn't get my head round that so I wanted to have some kind of help in changing the destiny of their lives so an ex commando that started this organisation called the grey man was running operations overseas and I got introduced to him and then ended up in Southeast Asia running operations over there and we had such a good success rate it was going brilliantly I finally found what my purpose was feeling so happy I thought this will be me for the rest of my life and then the whole thing fell apart you know the it was in the papers all over the world about these bus we were doing one particular bus 22 kids and then the US State Department got onto the Thai government and said what the fuck is this we give you millions of dollars every year this four man team that we've never seen or don't know where they're from we've gone in and done more than you've ever done and the Thai government claimed that there was no such issue nothing going on and that we were a bogus charity putting money in our own pockets which we weren't because I was paying for it anyway that operation from the money I earned in Iraq so very quickly that thing turned on its arse and we had to escape out of Thailand and and that's when I ended up back in Australia and my whole life fell apart at that point you started drinking and taking drugs here? I was doing that anyway I was doing that anyway but I was like a functioning I wouldn't even call it an addict it was dependency not addiction regardless of what it was it was abuse I was on this path of self-harming so every time I wasn't working I'd be the I just called it partying but it was just simply I was on this path of fucking destruction but when I came back it was different because everything had fallen apart my life was falling apart I was drinking to stop the noise in my head I couldn't sit with myself sober the reality of that was I hated it couldn't stand it and at that point that's when my life part of that point I realised I had to fucking do something about it How hard was it being in the war zones for sex years that team? That was hideous but the thing is you've drawn in because of the money I mean I had more money there in one month than I did in the whole year in the military so for me I call it it falls gold now because it draws you there for that and we just drawn for me everything was focused on cash cash cash cash cash it was all about money I wasn't paid much in the military and for me it was all about cash and that was the main focus about cash so at that point it was like when I actually managed to get over that that was a turning point for me it was like trying to create something the focus wasn't money the focus was still on the business the health of the people you visualise pop and champagne but the way you're doing that there was a truck trying to kill you how did you end up visualising that? no cos what happened is we were in Baghdad basically we had not been there long we were in a fortune and because the threat level had come down the statue came down on Ferdog Square of Saddam Hussein and everyone was going oh the war is over and everyone knows now the war had just begun and we knew that they were going to start because we were expensive like security we don't we don't make money for a company we allow it to survive when times are tough so as soon as they can they'll offload you know what I mean I wanted was that to be the manpower to be decreased I was a team leader of a six man team so I ended up going out to I had to he said look we've got a job on for you I said what is it he said you need to go and pick up the new ABC bureau chief from Jordan we're in Baghdad and I knew that one of his top line jobs coming in the new guy coming in was to assess the need for security meaning our jobs would be gone I was like fuck I've just started getting a decent money really good money I don't want this to end so all the way there it was a 14 hour trip I only had one I could untake one person with me a 14 hour trip to go and collect this guy there was no travel no flights because of surface to air missile and all the way there I'm sitting there thinking I've always been a creative person I can dream big I've always been a big dreamer always I can create the image in my head and I fall in love with that and all the way there I'm thinking of all the words that I can say to him to change his mind you know what are the words and I thought there's no fucking words there is no words and then I started thinking what could happen that will change his mind and then I thought we need to get attacked so now I'm driving there for 12 hours and all I've got is visions in my head about this attack how it's going to happen where it's going to be how it's going to go down I could smell the cordite from the bullets in the air I could go into that much detail about it so the cordite, the smell from the bullets I could smell that I was engaging all senses and then in my head we had the attack we got everyone out of there we get back to Baghdad we go into the compound and here it is welcome I'm tasting champagne I can feel the bubbles going down the throat and then we go up and anyway the contract gets extended so anyway we get there to the hotel that night I'm sat there with my number 2 and I sat there at the bar and I thought I'd better give him a fucking drink first I said do you know what needs to happen tomorrow and he went what? I said we need to get attacked and he just looked at me like a maniac like anyone would do I said no no no this is the only way we're going to justify our value and he's like ok so anyway we got creative we had another beer and we got creative and we said how it would benefit our lives and everything but I went into every detail with him and it was about you know we're going to be on the highway we're going to get attacked by the militia blah blah blah it's going to be between Ramadi and Fallujah and then we get back to the compound the doors will swing open and I explained the whole thing to him and he's like we're laughing again so anyway the next day at that very point I've forgotten about this because I was so fucking tired I was driving at the time I was so tired and just thinking about staying awake I can remember seeing a sign saying Ramadi I passed the sign saying Ramadi and as soon as I saw that sign there were flashes in the rear view mirror of the car coming up from the back anyway that turned into a full on attack by the militia on to us and I could smell as we're shooting at these guys at 130kmh we have three cars in front of us with all our people in you know that we're protecting and we're doing a fucking attack we're being attacked by the militia at 130kmh I've got like a car down to my left I've got a vehicle, I've got a machine gun on my fucking arm blasting through my closed window at this car and as I'm in this attack I can smell the cordite from the bullets everything the whole thing happens we fucking their car like crashes into the central reservation we get out of there and I'm sitting there like the fucking wind's coming in the car because we've got no windows left ringing in our ears because they're all the fucking loud bangs and I'm just sitting there thinking what the fuck just happened because it was exactly to the point of everything timed everything that happened was exactly how I explained it the night before and then just to make it even worse as we got to the compound the doors open heroes welcome and I can remember pulling up the car opening the door and I can remember hearing it was almost like change out your pocket falling on the floor on a stone floor and I looked down it was all the glass falling out the car on the empty shell cases from the rounds from the shots and as I looked up a glass of champagne and I'm like this is just bizarre I'm looking at my mate he's looking at me like I'm a witch and this bubble's going down my throat and I'm thinking this is fucking nuts it wasn't the attack that was more freaky it was the fact that I'd explained everything and then we get called up to the office signed contract for another two years and then from that point I was like oh my fff and that confirmed to me it was almost for me and people can laugh or say it's a load of bollocks or whatever I don't care they're just missing out if they don't see the value in this it was almost like the universe said to me we need to show this guy how this shit works and that setting stone for me how visualisation how powerful it is and believe me I don't think about getting attacked anymore if the power of visualisation because whatever in your life at that point you had attracted to visualisation war zones even if you want to use the power of visualisation you want it to be more safer and more productive and more positive but you don't want anybody getting harmed but everything that you are involved in your life or surrounding you you have fought it and that made me then look back in life and I just realised that I got into special forces because I was in love with the dream at the end I created the visualisation of passing how it felt how it felt to those around me and even when I came back in 2011 when I wrote all the contents about already when I was sat in that house every day I visualised and I visualised because of that attack in Iraq so basically in that house every day I visualised I sat there and meditated and visualised and I visualised about me and foxy being on the stage in front of a massive audience where we could talk about our experiences I thought about this company where we could have these corporate people coming in and we could put them through a mock style version of special forces selection I did that every day religiously religiously no TV, no media and then all of a sudden when I think this shit doesn't work I've been asking for a sign just give me something so I know I'm fucking not wasting my time give me something and then it was getting to the point where my family said mate you're going to need to find yourself a job and I was like no no no this is going to work it's going to break point my company it's all going to work but I was starting to doubt myself I didn't have enough money everything and then foxy phoned me up out of the blue and he said you know that idea we've got I'm going yeah would you do that on telly if you had the chance of course I'm fucking worried he says well I'm here with the production company can you have a chat with them because they're interested that was the start of SAIS that was the audience did you leave everything in your left of special forces see me at elite level do you have the power to push to send fucking airplanes and shit like that you've got so many assets as a special forces soldier you've got whenever you get attacked or anything like that you can call in an airstrike you can call in naval gunfire from a ship out at sea you've got people around you you've got weapons systems and everything that's why that attack for me in Baghdad in Iraq was horrible because I was like a boy in a man's world it was a horrible experience I had no support elements no nothing although that was a good thing that happened that day because what it meant to me and the bigger picture I didn't think I'd come away from Iraq every day was like this I wouldn't say loads but the thing is we were getting attacked a lot we were living in a villa in the red zone it's just that constant threat you knew when you were going out in a car we actually had a policy within the team because the insurance was so shit we said that if we got into an attack if there was an IED or something and we were blown up if it looked like we were pretty fucked and we'd end up in a wheelchair that we'd kill each other and that was policy in the team and having that kind of you can just understand having that kind of policy and that kind of mentality while you're living constantly in that war zone that's not good for your mental health it's a horrible place to be like that attack although I talk about that I fucking hated it I hated every second of it do you get scared or do you just get used to the high levels of what is it they call it in your body when you release the cortisol levels I mean I talk about that a lot mate because it's like you know what in that moment I use that experience a lot because that really makes people understand the power of breathing you know what I mean people just have forgotten how to breathe properly and a lot of this stuff when your cortisol levels start to increase and that happens when you get stressed that's because your breathing becomes erratic so what happens in that moment that's your fight or flight or freeze response and the one way to be able to resolve that is box breathing they teach it a lot they've started teaching it in the US Navy Seals other countries people in yoga will know all about that that decreases cortisol it allows you to have a mindset of clarity not confusion our minds can only handle 5-9 bits of information at any one time when we're stressed that goes down to 1-2 so really it's about in those moments it was almost like on that attack I was starting to spin out I could see the militia coming out weapons came out of every window the bullets are starting to go over the car I started to take on the responsibility of all those people in front of me the guy behind me pulled over at the side of the motorway being executed all those kind of things I had to get rid of and it was almost like in that moment I felt like I'd stopped breathing for the last minute it was only when the bullets started firing it almost snapped me out of that and it was like you need to deal with this and I took a breath and it was like I'd not breathed for about a minute I'd just taken that breath and created that clarity so I really talk about that that's just how and people the thing is because of society at the moment people are living in a massive state of fear because they turn on the news in the morning straight away it's mainstream media fear, fear, fear, fear people are walking around in that natural state on a constant basis when you're in a state of fear or when you're immediately on a long term base your pupils dilate and you end up being only focused on the thing that's troubling you so you don't see the outside world and people are walking around in that state of fear at the moment and really if they started to think about this stuff, think about box breathing start to lower that course to have so much more clarity and get a bigger picture of what's going on breathing techniques is I believe they're saying breathing techniques we're talking about when more fail there breathing techniques have been going here for hundreds of thousands of years but not breathing enough is not sending enough oxygen breathing out you'll get anxiety this is where people tense up, face goes red just breathe through the pain that's why the cold water exposure is good as well when you get into the cold water first thing you want to do is leave but if you actually breathe the body adapts so much to everything, this is all the stuff that's internal which is powerful do you get nightmares on that Ollie? no, it's not last six years have been amazing last seven years have been amazing again for me it's like one of the hardest things for me to know I think a lot of people have problems with this is the fact that they when it comes to having mental health issues PTSD whatever you want to call it I call when your your sort of bar for life is below constantly below par on a daily basis you've got issues and the thing we end up doing is the fact when it comes to PTSD and whatever it is though we're always looking for some kind of checklist have I been in a war zone, I've done this the military don't own PTSD the military don't own depression but the only check you need to make is do you wake up constantly feeling depressed do you live most days constantly feeling depressed nine times out of ten do you feel that I mean that is you have an issue you should need to deal with it so you're not looking for these stereotypical things you think everyone that's got PTSD must wake up in sweats every night relive in an incident that happened in the past it's not necessarily that it doesn't have to be that you don't need to be comparing with other people that have had it worse than you it's relative to the person and it's not based on any specific incident you know I just think a lot of time people are living in such a repeat cycle yesterday which is human trait which is linked to our survival that that just in itself becomes depression that's depression in itself just living in that constant and depression for me is when the mind is saying you need to change your habit loop because this one's now longer serving you you need to change something but we don't like to embrace change people don't just wake up depressed it's been a long course over five, ten, twenty, twenty years doing that cycle to brain we'll repeat 60 they say 60,000 forts plus a day so you've you've set in stone your subconscious mind to the way you think, to the way you feel the only way to do that is to do something fucking different really and condition yourself and consistency is key to change of a better life, of a better feeling but as difficult as but it can be fucking done when your career was coming to an end from the special forces did you want to stay on or was it game over that you wanted to leave? The thing is this is the thing that makes me laugh since the day I joined the military I wanted to leave so all the way so all the way through my career I've had my notice into leave leave, leave, leave before I went for special forces I was actually leaving and I had six months left and I managed to reverse that decision and sign back on but then even when I got into the special forces I had my notice into leave, all the way through I wanted to leave so and again that was just me not understanding I didn't understand why I couldn't be happy How long ago then were you there? 11 years repeat cycle you know what I mean we call these comfort zones why the fuck do they call them comfort zones I never look into the psychology because I was like why do we keep repeating these habit loops when they serve as no purpose whatsoever and the thing is it's linked to evolution we want to keep on doing what we did yesterday and the day before that and the day before that because as far as our mind is concerned that's kept us alive until today it doesn't give a fuck if you're happy or sad whether it's a good situation or not it just knows by repeating what you did yesterday has kept you alive until today there's a massive sort of one thing there's human evolution here because evolution is concerned survival of the species would be happy if you sat in a corner and just fucking procreate it all day long some people might be happy with that but we're put on the earth to experience and to do great things evolution doesn't want you to go out and fucking go bungee jump and does it? Evolution doesn't want you to go skydive and go to wall zones it wants you to fucking stay safe and carry on the species but and that's where I see there's a massive sort of we're torn in the middle of that you know what I mean that's why we find it easy to be lazy you know I find it easy to be lazy and I hate it sometimes I've not trained for two weeks and it's doing my head in at the moment because you know you should be doing it I know I should be doing it but the thing is this is what made me realise in 2011 I came back and I went how did I pass the hardest selection in the fucking world and now I'm at the lowest point in my life how? and then I realised I started studying these things human evolution and it would be happy if we just sat in a corner and did nothing and you know there's that other side of us that wants to experience wants to create, wants to do great things and that is really sort of you know the reason I called that book Battle Ready How did you get the Cuddies then to leave after 11 years after being so conditioned into that life the way you think and the way you train the way you act what was that moment right on off, off on off I'm out of here it was just a you know it was just a field the main centres I did a course it was great because the last course I did I went over to California spent four months with the US Navy SEALs and I got to remember I told you when I went into the careers office with the brochure as a kid and there was a mini sub the last thing I did was that I trained to pilot that mini sub and I did that over in California and I came back and then I came back and I was fully trained up as a mini sub pilot combat swimmer mini sub pilot and I came back and then I never got the position that I wanted to get and I was like that well fuck you then and I thought that was it that was my sort of that was the point where it felt natural for me to go that's it I'm gone was that at the hate you're drinking drugs no no no after that though no I mean when I was in the military it wasn't a massive I was drinking quite a lot but the thing is when you're in the military that's just the lifestyle you know I mean it was drinking I was constantly working hard but then you I'd have a few day binges you know and actually the most controlled I've ever been was in the military the bits outside of that was the was the mayhem you know the bits leading up to joining the military that was mayhem and the bits afterwards it was only in 2011 onwards where I managed to stabilise myself so what was that point then 2011 what were you doing with your life then well that's when I came back from Thailand the whole operation had fallen apart did that affect you as well knowing what was going on with kids yeah it is massively because I went to Thailand to do that operation I went to see my son in the UK and I've not seen him for 8 years and he was around about that age of the kids that we rescued it's scary because we've had a lot of people on this podcast speaking about the abuse of the kids and kids getting trafficked the thing is people don't believe you people don't believe it happens people think it's a big cover up people think you're talking shit people think you're just trying to get numbers this shit happens everywhere not just in the UK around the corner in Glasgow all the documents and papers they cover all this shit up and people think you're full of shit then but this stuff goes on man it gets a lot worse than people can even comprehend they don't understand the depth once you get into it it's a rabbit hole it's never going to be ending so when you come back for that then you know you are doing the greater good trying to help people and then coming back is that when things declined for me 2011 I was in that repeat habit loop so I was drinking every day I was not achieving anything I was in that repeat habit loop and it was at that point where I started realising a lot of the stuff we do is all about goals you've got to be goal driven it wasn't until I set a goal and drew a line in the sand I created a place where I wanted to be and not where I was a lot of the time people are stuck in that habit loop because they can't see outside of it people talk about mental health but they're focused on the problems as opposed to the solution so for me it was a realisation if I wanted to get away from this repeat habit loop I needed to create the place where I wanted to be where I saw myself being and it was only when I did that I managed to start pulling myself out of that hole that sort of one run at a time and then 2011 to 2014 my life started to improve slowly but it happened it was 2014 when I did that intense three month boot camp doing all the visualisation I came back I had no money I had no nothing I spent everything and then I had to put money into my business I had no money whatsoever I was 43 years old and it was at that point I couldn't get a credit card because I had not been in the UK for 10 years and it was at that point it was like well I may as well give this visualisation I may as well give this putting a plan in process I drew a circle around a CD and I made it into a clock and I put the goal in the centre which was a breakpoint and then at each one of the clock hands I put a thing I needed to achieve to get to the goal in the centre and that the first ones was like reduce my drinking stop doing exercise stop making plans I ticked every one of them and I finally got to breakpoint and that's where we are today and now who dares ones which is one of the biggest shows on TV that is about a celebrity one how did that come about what were you thinking then being through hell involved in hell to then becoming on one of the biggest shows on TV when I got that call from foxy I thought foxy was down a pub I thought we were on the pace he's just having another half I'll never forget that phone calls it was just bizarre when I heard that that was the tool that was the tool I needed for exposure and very much the TV I'm very humble to be a part of that I'm not in the UK version anymore very humble to have been a part of that we've done some amazing things but my focus has always been my business always will be I'm not here to be a celebrity as such I still find it difficult to embrace that word but one thing it has done is it's created exposure giving me a voice and it's allowed our business to flourish and it's allowed me to do that so it's been amazing it's been great to be a part of that I'm now part of the Australian show which is phenomenal we're back out there in March to film is it good to get away in stuff now it's great to be with the lads as well I love being with the lads because they all come from the same mindset and it's having that solution based mindset that is phenomenal when you've got a group of people like that and it's hard to find that so you've got your aunt foxy me and foxy and Billy and you've fought together you're a very successful, you're a kinder everywhere everybody knows who you are other people who you were in the forces how was their mindset and do you ever speak to the boys from the past of the kinder we speak to the lads and people from the past one thing I'll say, regardless of who you are the haters will always hate you yeah I get it when I see that though when you see people like that I feel sorry for them how did they treat you I love it the ones that don't like it, it's jealousy it's just jealousy but I then understand I don't let that shit bother me that's an internal problem for you mate at the end of the day the fact that we're getting people that are inspired by the books that's what I focus on you've had some career so far the last few years is flourishing it's always good to see people doing well but you'll tend to see other people who are doing well will thrive on that people who aren't doing so well fucking hate it man every time I level up you level up there's a new wave of fucking hate but the more you do adapt to it the pain and you go wait a minute you understand it's a reflection of them but the ego sometimes kicks in it's a beautiful thing so when you're going through all your transition the first book breakpoint I know it's your autobiography when you started writing that was that a feel good fact that you were going to have a best seller as well no not really but I was so focused I mean when I actually with your life experience you'll talk about a single entity won't you say this happened to me on this day and you talk about single entities of your life but for me when I actually wrote that I actually sat back and went fuck when you tell it all in one long story for me it was massively therapeutic I mean even before the TV show and everything I was writing chapters of a possible book a long time ago you know I was writing down the monkey incident and all that kind of stuff I had already written them into chapters so there was almost like the undercurrents of a book starting a long long time ago but for me that I mean you know for it to be a best seller I mean that's been phenomenal it's been amazing mate I mean that's enough on its own but it's like a struggle a struggle that you've been through to get to where you are and understand that you're a very good speaker you've got a great energy and a great presence about you we spoke earlier about ayahuasca how do you feel about trying that what was your mindset and when was this happening I mean I'm always intrigued about how much potential we've got as humans and I 100% believe that we've got a lot more than meets the eye potential wise a lot of human potential that's been lost along along the way and I think to a lot of degrees people don't want us to understand that potential because they can't control that and for me knowing that ayahuasca the history of ayahuasca and the fact that it's been used for centuries to expand the mind I mean it went off to Machu Picchu they talk about the fact you think how the hell did they do that and apparently it all comes down to the fact that they'll be able to expand the mind through ayahuasca and similar kinds of plant medicine so that intrigues me straight away anyway an ex-girlfriend of mine she was a psychologist she started to do a lot of work with DMT with guys with PTSD and she's the one that put me on to it she went away and did it she went you need to do this so when you're when you're on the right vibration and you want something comes into your mindset it comes to you doesn't it like for me I started thinking about ayahuasca next thing and get a message on Instagram from a organisation this is my life honestly if I told some of the stories you know people would go now that's bollocks it's coincidence when these things happen to me now I just know that the opportunities are already lined up out there you've got to line yourself up and once you line yourself up they just fall into your lap so I started thinking about ayahuasca a charity called Heroic Hearts Project in the USA messaged me on Instagram because I'd liked a couple of their posts and he was like I'm in London in a couple of weeks do you want to meet up? I was like yeah yeah absolutely met up with him and he said do you want to come to Costa Rica we've got some veterans and it was like that was it and off we went to Costa Rica it's just like you could sit there and go wow what a coincidence so I don't do that anymore I'm like it's not a coincidence it's a synchronicity man I went out there we had a chat with the shaman you take the plant medicine I think four or five ceremonies I can't remember but we went out there you see the shaman you try and invent a reason anything you want to resolve I came from a good place anyway so I couldn't sit there going oh I'm sick of this I could have done that six years before but I couldn't do that anymore I was coming from a good place but I just sort of said well the only thing that scares me is being the person I used to be that's the only thing that ever scares me no you don't and I want to make sure that that red button is well out of reach and that's the only thing I said to the shaman I said to him I want to make sure I feel like if something happened I could easily cross that line again so I want to try and get rid of that forever and then I mentioned to him I've got this thing with a chimp and that was just like a side comment he asked about it and he went anyway it was all about the chimp as soon as I took the plant medicine I was on my journey and before I knew it I was there as a kid ten years old with this chimp in front of me and then what happened is I felt on that journey or I'm going to go through this it's going to be horrendous and then all of a sudden when the chimp roared straight away everything switched and then I started thinking about the chimp what it meant to the chimp and I very much expressed myself as a victim in that whole scenario so that's what we do that we always the victim I moved into that chimp's enclosure he didn't come looking for me that day I was in foreign territory I was threatening it's young so I then became the chimp I actually went into the chimp and I started looking at me looking at who was then stood over my child I so I was looking at myself through the chimp's eyes and I was standing over my baby and I was a threat, a massive threat and that I didn't then when I felt myself like turned into this chimp it sounds bizarre but it was a crazy experience but what that took me out of being a victim it made me part of the scenario as a whole and it started making me feel so much compassion for the chimp as opposed to me being a victim it was such a bizarre experience so and then that was the first journey and then the second journey again it went back to the chimp but then I became the boy and actually that intimate trauma that we lock away that's just something we naturally do it helped me unravel everything and at moments it was hideous absolutely hideous because it went through the full attack but it helped me to really unravel that intimate trauma to release it and if I hadn't done that it was almost like I came at peace with everything that happened that day forgiveness is real forgiveness, compassion and also one thing that really stuck with me is the fact that I then looked at it and it was like at one point I was sat there when I was fighting the chimp and I was 10 and then in my head I went what would have happened if you stopped fighting if you didn't fight, if you just lay down and allowed what happened to happen and it was at that point this is another bit of the story but I then died I then went off to the spirit world and that was fucking phenomenal absolutely phenomenal and then I was spirit and not it was just a crazy experience but when I came back I then realised that I've been fighting for all my life I've been fighting everything my relationships, my work everything it was like stop fighting surrender surrender which is the hard thing for any person to accept you know what I mean surrender is that word that you never hear but you have to surrender to yourself to really help yourself how do you look now for your mindset to there to when it was 10 years ago it's just worlds apart worlds apart 10 years ago it's just a massive confusion the same cycles as yesterday thinking you have got to look externally for this fix you know it's going to make you happy it's not out there it's internal but once you start investing in yourself starting taking care of your mental health and I call mental health is how much you're prepared to invest in mental wealth that's for me that's meditation that's you know having a positive mindset making sure the things that you consume books whatever it is is positive you know once you start doing that your investment is phenomenal but I didn't know that 10 years ago I was in this state of confusion not knowing what the fuck was going on not knowing what my purpose was in life and yeah very different it's going to get in a good place so just going forward for the future now Wally what's the plans for you much more of the same you know the last 5 years in business 6 years in business has been interesting you know we've bounced from left to right we've just maintained on our track on our goal and that is to achieve our company breakpoint we've got our battery 360 which I run with foxy which is an app a fitness app and the motivation of speaking we do a lot for corporates for me mate I found my my method I found the model that works and I just want to keep promoting that more more the same more books you've got to get to a point where I'm like let's try this sometimes you've just got to consolidate and once you've found something that works stick to it add to it it's like I came up this morning with a new idea let's just fucking deal with what we've got it's so easy once you've got that creative mind and you know you use so much and before you know it you spend yourself on too soon it's just to train master whatever you're doing a lot of viewers who watch I know a battle with mental health and addictions what advice would you give for the Molly for a man who's loved it and really changed his mindset I think for the first off you have got to be totally honest with yourself you know one thing you'll do when you're in a place of depression when life's not great for you you'll do the worst thing you can do when you start comparing to other people people that are more fortunate then that starts to bring in a sense of jealousy and that is the wrong vibration to get anywhere when you're out and once you can do that you then have the foundation to be able to understand how you're going to move forward one thing you've got to do is understand the path you're going to take you've got to choose a goal you've got to have a goal that basically overwhelms your circumstances otherwise you become a victim of them you know what I mean you will end up in that revolving cycle that repeat cycle if you've got nothing bigger pulling you through so decide where you want to be even if it is baby steps switch off this because it's not serving you and we're all negatively wired you've really got to draw a line in the sand and when the negativity flows one thing I'll always take from the special forces is that process works A to B to C gets you to D and don't listen too much to that we reckon people will buy your books Olly Amazon, all good bookstores they're on audiobooks everything so you'll find out www.cow.uk website listen for coming on today brother honestly it's been an absolute pleasure great guy great story and I look forward to seeing the rest of your journey and live brother check out more of my podcasts on the right and be sure to like share and comment your thoughts on this week's podcast thank you