 pull the foreskin back, and I look over at the mom and she is not happy with me. Cheeky, cheeky. Look back! Season two, episode one. Fingers in your bum. Where's your mom? This is the first episode. Forget about season one. I said to Matt. I said, forget about it. It's done. We got a green screen now, everyone. We got, we got, look at the microphone. There's a stand, there's like lights here. You can't see it. There's three lights here, and we got a green screen. And we didn't really put much into other things. We still got the fully out here. Yeah, we, look, we bought some shit, but we also, this is it. We didn't put much effort in, but like there was probably a day where we went and got these and the green screen. It's been, it's been a very long time since the last podcast. This is, it's basically like we've never done one before. This is our first ever podcast. Yeah, season one was a warm. So we have to be all nervous and stuff, because it's our first ever one. Yeah, I would do a beer skull. Yeah, go on, because, yeah, because fuck, yeah, we get it down. He's a fucking true blue, man. Get it down, piss pot. It's a true blue, man. Come on, man, you can do it, man. Don't be a fucking pussy, man. Oh, damn it. He only got like a third of the way down. Oh, and now he's sort of throwing up in his hand a bit. Okay, that's pretty. We won't do that again. I feel a bit sick. Disgusting way to start. So we look, we've had a couple of months off and we've got a lot to tell you guys. There's a lot of shit that's happened. Michael, I don't remember anything. Yeah. So we've been doing a lot of the things that you would expect that we're doing. And also, makes me gag, makes me gag here. All right. So during the holidays, Michael went to Bali. Yeah, I just went for a little, I wanted to get away and have a little villa. Took my girlfriend away. We had a little romantic time and a bath. Yeah, we went and what do we do fucking all the activities? What were we after, ATV, scootering? We had a bath. Yeah, it was heaps of a lot of alcohol. You can't do any drugs there, unfortunately. Even though we did. And yeah, it was a good time. What about you? Look, it's been, it's been a while. So what we did right, we backed up, we filmed lots of videos and then just released them at the end of December and January. And now we're back. Now we're bloody filming. Now shit's getting real. We've got some crazy shit going on. But during our time off, I went to Sydney with my girlfriend for the voice. So I'm not, I can't explain the voice for like international viewers, I guess. So the voice is like a reality TV show where people go on. It's like, you know, you know, and Australia's got talent or America's got talent. It's just all X-Factor or any of those singing shows. It's one of them, right? And my girlfriend is a very, very good singer. She applied, got through, and then we had to go to Sydney for the blind auditions where there's judges and they don't face you. They're like the, you know, famous established musicians. They face away from you. Boy George. Kelly Rowland from Destiny's Child and Delta, Delta Goodrum. From neighbors. So they're all facing away. And then you come out or Monique came out and sang on stage. And, and, you know, if they like you, they turn around, but, but here we go. The voice, the voice can get the voice is shit. The voice shouldn't be a TV show. They told, first of all, they don't let you choose the song that you want to sing. They say, here, sing this song because it like aligns with a story that you've told us. Then they're like, oh, sing it much faster. So they speed it up. Even though Monique said to them, oh, this sounds really rushed and shit. They still said it completely ignored her and said, no, no, you're singing it like this. You're singing it this fast and you're singing a fucking Taylor Swift song. Oh, that bitch can not die. She's going to stop. That you need to calm down song. Disgusting, a fucking disgusting song. So we get there. She sings her song. No one turns around. Then the, like all of that is okay. But then the comments. So the comments were, oh, it seemed rushed. It seemed rushed. That's why it didn't turn around. It seemed like you were, you know, like what the making it out and making it out. Like Monique chose the fucking song. They chose the song and then criticized her for singing it like that. What's wrong with the voice? Oh dude, it's not on. Watch the first episode of The Voice this year. I think it's coming out in like, you know, May or April or something. Watch it because me and Michael and my girlfriend will be on it. And your girlfriend too in Monique's little intro thing. But do not watch it after that because fuck me. That is such horse shit. Yeah, yeah. Just watch it for that episode and then send some fucking hateful emails. Not hateful, just disliked emails. Throw human shit at The Voice. Someone throw human shit at The Voice. Hashtag. That's a new, that's, yeah, fuck Judge Judy. Now it's The Voice. That's our public enemy number one. The Voice can get fucked. What else happened? We went boys trip couple weeks ago. Yeah, like seriously, the week come down after that was like, I was crying and I didn't know why tears would just come out. I didn't, I didn't want to wake up. I had no reason to live. And yeah, then we went on The Voice trip. And it was like, it was pretty good. It was a lot, we did a lot of drugs. We bought, what was it, 14 bags? So half an ounce of cocaine. There were 80 MDMA caps that we bought. An entire jar of weed oil that we had. What else was there? There was just normal weed. Case after case. Read lots and lots of alcohol. It was just unlimited, unlimited of what you wanted. No one OD'd, we kept it safe. It wasn't safe. It was very reckless, but no one died. And yeah, we paid the price a week, like days after that for about five days of, I have contemplate. No, I won't talk about that. We put a video out from our boys trip, but like it was shit because we were too fucked to really film all the funny shit, but yeah. So if you want to have a, maybe a 5% insight into what went on, watch our boys trip video. It's already out. It's out. It's been out for a while. So yeah, go and watch it maybe. All right, let's go to on this day. On this day in 1950, starch. Oh, wood mixed with fucking tobacco. On this day in 1875, six women, they squished their boobs into one into one man's mouth. Whoa. That happened in 1875. Man. And the report saying that, yeah, that man died suffocated. Whoa. Sort of. That's a tragedy happened, you know, 145 years ago. It's crazy to think on this day that happened. 145 years ago. It's insane to think like that. And now here we are on this day in 2065, this dude like fully folded his arms like four times and like snapped all of his bones and shit. Fuck. Like Matt, come on man. This is lazy. This is fucking Matt. Matt's gone done some over his shoulder. And then somehow he's got another two folds after that. That's fucking impressive. It's like, no, that's pretty good. Yeah, it's sort of cool. I like that one. That's better than starch. Matt from wholesome in future. Come on, put in a bit more effort. This is, this is shit. Shining. That's shit. Shining. This last one's okay though. On this day in 1739, running was invented. Yeah, dude. They were all a bit slow back before then. Someone was in a rush in 1739 and was like, I'm just going to move my legs a bit faster and then sort of invented. Running started after, and I'm pretty sure the day before that was when the first watch was invented. Yeah, from Dr. Walt Run. And he has saved so much time, so much time. So you discover time and then running happens straight after. So he's like, yeah, he's cut like hours and hours off getting to places just because he thought, oh, you know what? I'm going to change walking to Run. Dr. Walt Run. Look him up, if you don't believe me, invented in 1730. That's how the term running late was invented. Exactly. Because Walt, good on him. And that's the podcast. All right, thank you for listening. We'll be back tomorrow night. We've come back bigger, better than ever. And this is, we've got a green screen. We've got a green screen. It's green. So like that's, yeah. And now Connor, make this that we're in an orphanage. In an orphanage. And now we're in the Egypt. And now we're in grass. Which is grass. Green screen is just grass. Can I just cut you off for a second? No. If that green screen doesn't work, that'll be a bit silly. No. No. Disagree. So Connor, do not cut anything out. What Matt just said, don't cut it out. Leave that in. And also Matt. Prove to him. It doesn't. All that matters is that we have a green screen. We don't need to use it. High budget. Use it. Three lights. We've got to use the mics. We've got a green screen. So we don't need to like use it. All right. Next we have question time. All right. First question is from Bryce Ozzy underscore carts 99. Oh man. Are you okay? What is the future for Marty and Michael living in the Swiss Alps in a small hut with opium plants growing around us and ODing on a heroin hit at the age of 61. And Michael will be 60. I'll die first from the heroin overdose. And Michael won't know how to clean himself and we'll get an infection. Yeah. In the Alps, it's real dirty because it was a snow. It's like dirty water gets into the dirt. So that's our future. Get ready. Yeah. So that's how it's going to go down. All right. That was a good question. Next one is from keys dot Jones. Oh, he's easy. Fuck. Mary kill Hitler. A cow Matthew Brown from Holton. Oh, I know what you'll do. It's fucking easy. I know what you're going to say. This is going to be so I would kill Hitler. Oh, really? I would kill Hitler because that's the right thing to do. Okay. But do what you want to do. Yeah. I want to kill Hitler and I want to fuck a cow and I want to marry Matt. That's my answer. You would swap Matt and Hitler, I reckon. I don't think so. I think that that's, wow, that's really rude. Yeah, rude to Matt. That's a rude thing to say. I don't even know Hitler. Like he's, I'm impressed of what he's done. It's impressive. He's an impressive guy. He accomplished a lot. But I don't know him. You can be impressed on negative things, right? Yeah. He was very good at being negative. He's a very good at it. You can't deny that. But he killed a lot of Jews. Yeah, I'd go, I'd marry Matt because he's my dear friend. I'd kill Hitler because of what she did. And I would fuck a cow because... Fuck off. Apparently they... You would not fuck a cow. You don't have it in you. I reckon I could. Can't fuck a cow. So change your answer. I would kill Matt, fuck Hitler and marry the cow and treat the cow well. Thank you. I would so fuck it, man. Like if you're married to it, I'd fucking cheat on it. Like with it, man. Next question. Yeah, yeah. Like I'd fucking break that marriage up and that because I'd fuck it, man. Nah, just joking. L-E-I-F-J-T. Are you going to start a vlog channel? No. See, I've spoken to Marty about this. We just need a full-time filmer. We need to be richer and we need to have more time. And then we will do that. So maybe in a year, okay? Maybe in a year. Next year's goals will be we start a vlog channel. Start vlogging. And I reckon like, yeah, you just do two to three vlogs a week. You don't have to go like two nights. I reckon nine. Nine vlogs a week. Or even 14. So one every like half day. Or nine in one day and then nothing for six weeks. We haven't ironed out the details but something like that. Corey Ferreria. One, two, three. What goes through your mind when you're pegged in the head with fruit? Panic, shoe panic. And also a healthy curiosity for the outcome of the science. Because at heart we are scientists. And at the end of the day, we just want to know the answer to the experiments, to the hypothesis that we're putting forward. We just want to know the answer. I've never been hit by a pair though. Yeah. I don't think you've been hit ever. Like we've never ever been hit. Yeah. So that's a weird question. I don't get it. I don't get it. Yeah, next one. Joshua Carroll, zero three three. How many shits have you consumed in your life, Michael? And have you ever tried anal with a cow, Marty? If you haven't, I recommend using sand as the lube. Also you guys are the best. Yeah, yeah. Marty's done anal with the cows. That's a normal weekend. I don't really. How many shits has been twice dog shit and once my own? Yeah, two dog shits, I think. Maybe three. A few human shits? No, only one of my own. So I'd say three shits guaranteed possibly four. Yeah. And three as a meal. It was three completed shits consumed. Yeah, swallowed. And that's question time. Great work, everyone. Hey, that's a really good hustle from everyone in here. I just want to say everyone is doing very well, man. All right, we have a brand new segment in this segment. It's going to take things to the next level. So we are scientists and we love doing science. We do it every day. We do it. We do it for you. Even when we shouldn't be doing science. We're at a funeral. We're testing the pH levels of corpses. That's what you science. You just can't fuck out of us. So we've made a segment called science time. And this is right now science time. And that's the intro song. And it is right now. Science time. And that's the intro song. And both of those two bits together are the intro song. So we have to say twice with that pause in the middle. All right. So Michael, what do you have for us, mate? We'll get our assistant madman Brad, who will be on the next episode. He'll come and deliver it to us. I thank you, madman Brad, for all you kids that are bored at home on the weekends because your parents are split. So for those of you who can't see what's going on, Michael has three tubes of very thin... They're teabags. Okay, so he's got teabags. But I've stretched them out and it's like a hollow tube of teabag paper. Is it a cylinder? Yep. Is that what's called? Tube cylinder. You could, we could even say like a stretch circle. Thank you, madman Brad. Now science assistant. Now... Oh, shit, oh, shit. Michael has a lighter now. I don't, I don't know what's going on, by the way. Basically, this is how... Have you guys ever been in a hot air balloon? Oh man, like often, often. Am I right? This is similar to what a hot air balloon does. So in a hot air balloon, hot air rises. Correct? Yes. Okay, mainly a hot air balloon. That is not confirmed. Yeah, we don't know that. Mostly so far. We're not all hot air. But yeah, they're like hot air balloons. So I'm going to light them from the top of the cylinder, it's a teabag. And as the the burn goes down the cylinder, the fire will, as it hits the bottom, somehow technology, computers and shit, makes it rise. And it's hot air mixed with tech. I'd say tech. Tech. All right. But there's 2020. All right, so Michael's about to light up a tube of teabag paper. Yep, from the top. With a lighter. So if you're listening on Spotify and you can't see it. I'll try and explain it as best I can. And I'll make noises. All right. I'm nervous. All right, well, I think we both make noises to explain this. Oh, you're burning yourself. That's, I'm okay with it. Oh, it's a very even burn. So, so far everything. Now watch this. Rises from the ash. Shit. There's hot fire in there. Oh, there we go. There we go. Oh my God. Inhale it. Inhale it. Oh, I blowed out. That's everyone. If you you should you go to look into that. It changes shit. As you have good fire went up in the air and was just floating around. Very good. Hot air balloons. Love this segment. Yeah. That's science time with Marty and Michael. All right. Our next segment has been renamed to the PO unboxing. Aha. Everyone thought I was going to make a crazy noise, but I didn't. And this is just where we open things that you guys have sent to us. And we have a lot. We've it's been two months off. Our PO box was Chocoblock. How many things do you think we have? I'd say three, three, three, three or something. So Michael's thought that I asked him what the time was. Oh, yeah. Yeah. No, we've had about 20 things sent to us. Look how big this is. This is like the shit that you get. This is the first thing that we've been sent. And whatever is inside, we must consume. We must. Yeah. We must eat it. Okay. We must. That is a rule now that we just made up. All right. So we've opened the box and there's a little message on top that says just a little something to say. Thanks for the laughs. I hope you both like your stuff because you guys are the best about the Ooshies. I don't even know. So whoever's done this. That's pretty sweet. Oh, does it have a name on it? Should we fucking say something about? It's from Postal Australia. It's from the post office. So thank you to the post office. Listen to this. Oh, how satisfying, Matt. Very satisfying, isn't it? There's a little crack. It's too big. So at the moment, it's just a lot of wrapping. Oh, what do we have here? Oh, we've got this. So we've got a little package on it that says open last. And remember, we have to consume everything that's in here. Because I love him. This. All right. What do we got here? Oh, it's for Bosley. Is it? Yeah, Bosley's hands on there. All right. So we have a present for Bosley and it looks like a bone. Thank you very much. I'm going to give this to him tonight. All right. Here we have, I've got one as well, but I couldn't get it to work. It's like there's a fart bomb. There's a fart bomb. Yeah, we got a fart bomb. All right. Pop it. All right. Here we go. Hold it. Hold it in your hands. It's going to hurt my hand. I'm scared. Don't be scared. Okay. It's not going to hurt the microphone, is it? Something's out. Oh, what? Is it going to go or not? Eat one of my fucking fakes. Oh, my God. A bit of my eyes. It smells right there. What does that smell like? I regret it. I regret it. Give me a towel. Thank you. I'm going to get my phones off. What do you think that is smelly? What do we do? What do we do? We fucked the pork tarts up. What is that? He said ruin the day. Oh, my God. Does it sort of lavender? Oh, oh, my God. Did you get it on? Yeah. Plus the towel. Oh, dude. It's in my face and shit. Fuck that. Oh, I ruined my... Clean the microphone. Clean the microphone. Oh, yeah. It's like it smells like the silvers of Thailand. God, that fart juice went all over the fucking All right, there's another fart bomb. I'm opening it. Okay. What's wrong? Nothing. I'm just a bit worried about that. So this is for you, Michael? No, it's real. Someone's just saying... Michael's just put a fart bomb down his singlet. Okay, it's expanding. It's completely expanded. The fart bomb is about to burst. I'm just going to keep looking through all this stuff. This is like Christmas. Yeah, I know. It's so beautiful. There's another thing here. There's a little toy here. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle toy. We got a deluxe arse hole cards. Oh, this one's for me. Look, there's my name. Yeah. I'll open that one up. I think the fart bomb's... Maybe it's a dud. Must be a dud. Anyway, I'll get opening my present. And here we have more cards. So thank you very much to whoever the fuck sent these, because this is lovely. Absolutely lovely. And we have some peppermints. Oh, some mints. Oh, yeah. Some Star Wars mints. Fucking hell, it's taken a while to look through. This person is... I wish they probably had a name on it. Maybe. Whoever you are who did this, thank you. This is like... This is lovely. All right, here we have a... Oh, a dick toss game. We got some beer cards. We have pecker toss. So it's a huge erection. Little rings you're trying to throw over it. Try and just pop it on your chest. Like that. Okay. Get in there. Have a... Nah, nah. Oh my God, dude. That's bad. That is bad. Oh. Where's the one that said open this last? Oh, yeah. Here it is. What's wrong, Matt? What's wrong? What's wrong? Is there people gagging at you? What's wrong? Oh, the fart? The fart bomb? It's inside of my fucking chest, dude. I feel like immune to it. I've ruined the whole... I've ruined everything. I've ruined my body. I fucking love it. Oh, dude. I feel sick. All right. This is a little container it says for the podcast desk. Question mark on it. So, fucking see what this is. Oh, God damn it. We'll leave it on our desk. Don't you like that, Matt? Holy shit, I feel so... This is a little trophy. They've sent us a trophy. So it's a world champion. It says on the little plaque and it's a big dick. So it's a little trophy world champion dick. So, fucking hell. Whoever sent this, you absolute legend. We're going to put some of this on our podcast table. Oh, God damn it. And we need a bin. Like this. We're going to get confused with the products. Mixed it with... Oh, dude. Are you not feeling well or something? No. This is from John Giles. All right. We have been sent. Oh. That's very lovely. Just as we were talking about you guys not having any fucking glasses left, we have been sent a pretty, very lovely glass. Oh, I feel shit, hey. With our logo on it. The University of Michael logo on it. So thank you very much. We're going to put that right there next to a cow there. Thank you very much for that. And we've got a little letter in here. Let's see what it looks like. I need to like get back to this podcast because I'm fully vacant right now. Hey, Marty and Michael. We've sent you some unbreakable drink where I figured it could be a good test for the durability. This is unbreakable. Wow. Oh, these are guaranteed not to break or crack. Also, the prints look awesome. So we hope you like them. We are big fans of your videos, so enjoy. If you can break these in one of your video, we'll print your batch of merch for free. If you're interested in purchasing some of these, in the end, you'll be able to get a drink for your merch site. Get into contact with us. That's actually a fucking good idea. That's a fucking good idea. All right. We're going to put these on the fucking website, man, on the merch store. Hey, yeah, it's actually quite cheap and you can sell them for a lot of profit. Yes, fucking legend. That's beautiful. I'm going to put this in my pocket and I'll be talking later, brother. All right. And that's, and we got many, and for the people that sent stuff in, they were like, oh, why haven't you opened mine stuff? My stuff, yeah. It will be open in future podcasts. We've just got so much. We've got a lot and, you know, we're trying to keep the podcast down a few minutes, like 40 minutes, and it takes a long time. Do you know what I mean? All right. The final segment has been renamed to and it's basically just a segment where we do a prank call. So prank calls are a bit different. This time we get, I'm getting people from our website to submit backstories and numbers and this person has said that their friend is like, fully into conspiracy theories that from America. And so I'm going to call and pretend to be from a staff member from Area 51. Say you're from, you can say you're from FBI, but you work in Pine Gap in Australia and they do all the surveillance stuff. Okay. Don't! Wait, oh, it's my urine everywhere. Just fucked it. You fucking arse. Yeah, good. I made it some Greg Palski here from asio from Australia. I was just wondering if you're available for a quick talk just about some suspicious behavior that we've uncovered from your residents. I'm from asio from Australia. Basically we're a sort of a secret service I guess and we sort of look into the abnormal and we've recently discovered that some of the behavior from your residents has been slightly unusual and we've matched that with your online search history and we just have a few questions if you wouldn't mind. All right, yeah. So what do you all believe is exactly on unidentified flying objects? Right, so would you mind putting your wife on please? Because she's nailing on the head of the FBI. How did you know? Hello, sorry to be calling at such a time. Can I just confirm what your name, what is your name? Lauren, right. Okay, so we're calling the right resident. So Lauren, you've sprung up in the system because some of the things that you've been researching, your online history matched with... I'm not going to divulge exactly how we have this sort of information but basically I'm from asio Australia and we are investigating suspicious claims from anywhere from overseas made about things like extraterrestrial beings and UFOs. So Lauren, I'm basically calling you to ask how do you know what exactly have you done to find out the things that you've found out? Okay, all right, Lauren. Well, let's put it like this. What are your beliefs exactly when it comes to UFOs and stuff like that? Let's start there, shall we? And why? What is your proof? It basically is what I need to uncover. What is your proof? What is your evidence? Have you made contact with anyone? Well, why exactly are you so certain that there are extraterrestrial beings living amongst us? How do you know about the radiation that's been left over from visitors? Right, so you're just relying on media but you haven't personally had any interactions with extra-extraterrestrial beings. Right, but you didn't film it or anything as just something that you randomly saw. A star, let's just say a star. Right, okay, so it takes a bit of information that there are a lot of curses that we use to contact people like yourself who have an in-depth knowledge of strange things. It's hard for me to talk about that. There's not much I can divulge but I'm just wondering who have you told and what exactly do you know? So there have been personal experiences but there have been personal experiences yourself when you have come into contact with extraterrestrial beings. Well, look, we're basically getting a team together and we're collecting people who have really in-depth deep knowledge about this sort of stuff and you have come up in the system. I know you're all the way in America but our budget can allow us to fly you over to Australia and look, it would be a week of your time maximum and all we basically want to do is run some tests, sit you down, just have a few interviews and you will be surrounded by other people from all around the world, not just America, not just Australia, everywhere, who basically have seen things and just have a very deep understanding of extraterrestrial and things like UFOs and stuff like that. So would that be something that you are interested in? We will cover the travel expenses. Okay, well, there's a flight leaving to Brisbane on Tuesday morning. If I collect your information and send you your plane ticket via REMA, would you be interested in coming to Australia and basically just divulging the information that you have about your experiences with UFOs and extraterrestrial people? By the way, once you send that email, I'll have to send back a confidentiality agreement. You cannot talk about this to anyone. Is this something you would be interested in doing? So leaving this Tuesday and you would be gone for roughly seven days and then we'll fly you back the following Tuesday. All right, well, I've got a pen in front of me. What is your email? I'm just going to write down your email and we'll send you the flight details and the rest of the information. As soon as you get the email, I'm not going to mention anything about this via writing. The only time you will ever hear me talk about anything related to UFOs is over the phone. So I need you to tell me that you will not disclose this sort of information to anyone else, okay? This isn't just something that you can get excited about and tell your best friend. And this is, look, I can't talk about it too much, but this, it's big, it's a big, something big is happening. All right, so yes, and that's exactly what we've called because we are aware that you know of the event that is on the horizon. Okay, I'm about to send you your flight itinerary. Again, read it. Do not show it to anyone. We have, we have checks and balances in place that will let us know if you tell anyone about this and you will be completely removed from this project. I'm just letting you know, okay? Please do not mention a thing to anyone. You will receive your email in 10 minutes. Thank you, Lauren. Thank you for your time and I look forward to meeting with you. What's your name again? Greg Ballon, and I'm an ASEO agent. Okay. Goodbye. See you. How the fuck did that happen? All right, thank you so much for that and don't forget, send in your prank calls, preferably Australians. So you give us the number, the backstory to our Instagram. If you give us a backstory with their number, their name, and the information, then we can work with that, just like we did then. And that's a good opening fucking prank call to our first episode of season two. Episode one, get fucked. The Empire Strikes Back. We're pretty good. We're pretty good. We're pretty good. We'll get better. We'll get better. And we will eventually be the best. Eventually be the best. We'll eventually be the best again.