 Dear f-boys, why do you always seem to come out of the woodwork around the holidays? Need them gifts, you know what I'm saying? I ain't even gonna cap. What's up, lovers and friends? I'm joined by two people who have volunteered their time in intellectual services to being honest. Well, you don't like that, doesn't it? Sounds weird. Why? Okay, sorry. Let's do it again. Volunteered time, intellectual work. Today I have a f-boy and a previous f-boy. I like that. You prefer that? Yeah. You okay with that, Craig? Let's just start over again. Okay. But first, I want to just mix something very clear. This is not a video where I'm going to be giving advice or by trying to correct anything. I am here to listen. I collected questions and responses from my audience. I'm going to be relaying them to the two of you and then you will just respond authentically. That to be said, I think it's very important if we want to see corrective behavior amongst the people that we care about, we have to provide them with resources. So we're going to be listening to an audiobook together as a team. We are going to be listening to The Way of the Superior Man by David Data. Okay, so this is the classical guide to masculine spirituality and it encourages men and women to lean into the conversation, offer their most valuable assets to the world, their authentic heart and depth of presence. The Way of the Superior Man offers a view of a more conscious and embodied masculinity. And you can find this audio book on audible. There you go. Got to pass the ball to all the team members. Got to pass the ball to all the team members who happen to be the sponsor of this video. What's going on, everybody? I just want to take a second to shout out the sponsor of this video, Audible. Audible is the leading provider of spoken word entertainment. They got everything from celebrity memoirs, bestsellers, new releases, motivation, podcasts, business and more. They even got my wife's audiobook on there, The Game of Desire, read by Shan. Look, if you love audio, you'll love Audible. So go check out the 30-day free trial. Visit audible.com slash Shanboody. And if you're in the U.S., just text Shanboody to 500-500. Again, that's audible.com slash Shanboody. And if you're in the U.S., just text Shanboody to 500-500. Look, we're doing one audiobook a month challenge. So if you want to join the challenge, come on, uh, come on with it. This month, we are reading The Ways of the Superior Man by David Data. All right, now back to the video. The main thing I do though is just like, if I'm not messing with it, like, or they kind of just annoy me, I do a lot of ghosting. I'm not, I'm not going to. That's a fuckboy. That's a fuckboy. That's like the second trick. I was going to ask you, the question I was going to ask you was, are you a fuckboy? I'm a player, you feel me? Sounds like something a fuckboy would say. That's what I said. Yeah. Well, how do we define the term? Let's just do that. I think it's somebody who, yeah, he's a, he's a player. He's somebody who doesn't take women seriously. He's, someone has an abundance of women and he has a lot of options and he doesn't mind exercising those options. And to be clear, we're talking to two heterosexual men, but there's a lot of fuckboys who are in the queer community as well. Of course, of course. Here's an easy one. The simple question of why, why engage in a relationship with someone else that doesn't make them happy? I think, uh, it's not that it doesn't make them happy. It's the, it's the fear of losing somebody that could potentially be better. So I think a lot of fuckboys, they go through this phase where they get a lot of attention from women. They're usually somebody who's very seductive. They're usually somebody who, who's attracting a lot of different women. So with that process, they know that there's always somebody else around the corner. And so they're just constantly holding you at an arm's length because of that thought pattern that there might be somebody better. What is the genuine why? Like, why do you think, Craig? Because it's, uh, it's easy. I think it's tougher to not think about yourself. You know, being a fuckboy, it's the first thing you do. Everything is you. What helps you out? What do you want to do? You know, what can they do for you? So, um, I think it's, it's easier than, you know what I'm saying? But isn't it also challenging because you have to, I would imagine as a fuckboy, you are in a lot of arguments. Not necessarily. You would think that, but usually fuckboy would just ghost you. You try to argue. Sorry, but back in the day, if you try to argue with me, I'd just be like, Oh, well, I'm just not going to text back. I'm going to text the other person, you know? So I think people think that the fuckboy is going through a lot of turmoil, but I think that's just a process in your brain to help you cope through whatever you've been affected by this fuckboy. It's just being like, well, they must be going through argument. They must have a stressful life. But the reality is, is that it's not that stressful because they just cut everybody off. They might feel guilty, but that might only last a little bit. Oh, interesting. Because I would definitely imagine that you spend, because when I have had experiences before with people I would classify as fuckboys, we did spend a lot of time like in arguments. Oh, it's interesting. I think maybe that was a nice guy. I used to wear it like a badge of honor. So it became more important for me to be liked than it was for me to be authentic. Who was just trying to be nice and make sure that his reputation doesn't get slanted by your experience with him. I think the fuckboy, the guy who's actually in that truth of a fuckboy, he's not trying, he doesn't care about his reputation because it doesn't actually matter to him. Because it's like, when I think back to my high school days, I was definitely deemed as a fuckboy. Everybody knew. Everybody knew that I was out there and it didn't stop me from getting more options, which is pretty sad if you think about it. Why is it hard for some of you to not keep it 100, even if your partner is being real with you? So a part of I think the fuckboy conundrum is the dishonesty or its honesty. It's saying one thing and acting another. So saying I don't want a relationship but still hitting you up all the time, telling you that they miss you, hanging out with you, going to get dinner with you so it feels like the intimacy is advancing, but they said to you they don't want anything more. They just can't give their full self to them because they're doing that with another girl or multiple or it's just one other that they can't decide and he's going back and forth between the two. So he's having, he got one foot here, one foot there with both of them. Or it's just, he doesn't want to commit to where he thinks he can do better. And that's just for the right now. Do people refrain from being honest because they're afraid that if they tell the person, I'm not all the way they're interested that the person could just leave. So you keep them like- I mean you, you still have to say stuff to make them stay around because you still want to benefit right now. Wow. You know what I'm saying? You're still trying to figure out what you really want, but it's kind of just like, you know, you work the job you're working right now, not because you necessarily want to work that forever, but it's because it's doing what you need it to do for you right now. I think too, I think what a lot of people misunderstand about the F boy is that he is actually very emotional. He's very in the moment. And so it's not that he's being not 100% with you. It's in that moment. He's 100% there. He's 100% into you and he might feel that, but as soon as he gets distance from you and he's talking to other women, that's when it's like, oh wait, do I even really want to do this or do I really want to do that? So I don't think it's necessary that he's like straight up lying to you. He's just in the moment and he's going to say in the moment whatever he feels, whatever is going on and make you feel that because he's feeling that, but it's that distance that where he starts to have his doubts. I think there's also some responsibility on the people who engage with fuckboys to listen to them when they tell you, I'm not looking for a relationship. Like not necessarily. I mean, it's hard to, it is the responsibility, but at the same time, it's hard to compartmentalize that in your brain. When you're, it's right. All right. We have a special guest in the house. We're warning her about F boys. Babies up. What can we do? Okay. Important question here. Can an F boy be changed? Not overnight, but I believe so. I think so. I think that there's two reasons why an F boy would change. They either get tired of the lifestyle. Obviously there's some F boys that are 40 years old, 50 years old, still doing F boy activity, but I think it can be, I can't change. I mean, I changed. I feel like I was inspired by, by you to- That can't be true though. No. You know why that can't be true? Because there was zero semblance of that when I met you even. So you had to have already gotten that out of your- It wasn't out of my system completely. I mean, I was already thinking like, hey, I want to find one woman, but I still had like F boy tendencies. It wasn't like it just went away overnight. Like Craig was saying, it's not going to happen overnight. But I think having that inspiration, whether that be, you're not having the life that you want or whether that be, you found a partner that you actually do want to set it down with. And so it comes with age sometimes too in maturity. For me, it was, it was all about maturity and it was all about just wanting a better life. Like I was tired of not really being fulfilled in that lifestyle. I wasn't fulfilled in that lifestyle. It was fun, but I wasn't fulfilled not the way that I am now. And I don't think I would have had that contrast if I didn't take you serious. And I think that's part of the reason why a lot of them are still doing it at 40 years old. Because they never, never felt what it felt like to have one person that you're actually into and actually really want to build something with. Now, I like the wording of this one because they said, can they be changed? So that means if you are actively engaged with somebody who is being like that towards you, is there hope to stick around to see if you can change them? Or is that like, you're probably aren't the person? If that's, if you have to ask this question, you probably aren't the one to inspire change out of them. Yeah, I think that in that, in that regard, it's like this. I've been trying to do this lately and not listen to the exception to the rule. Can they be changed? Possibly. Not going to say no, but is it probable? Probably not. And I wouldn't bank on trying to change an F-boy. It really starts within. He would have to be ready to come out of that phase on his own. If you just went in for that, like, I'm going to try and change him. I don't know how it would go, honestly, because he's been doing that. So he's probably going to keep doing that. The real question is, what is the alternative? So you're not in a place where you're looking for a relationship. You do want access to sex. You do want to hang out with people sometimes. Does that mean you automatically have to be an F-boy? If you kind of just keep it straight up, I mean, you could do that as well, but it definitely saves more time in the fuck boy. You know what I'm saying? So it saves more time. You don't have to explain everything. You don't have to go into it. Well, you know, kind of just cuts it off or just responds when he wants to. It's not as much explaining that goes into it. You kind of get to ignore things, easily brush things off. And it kind of starts to be expected of you. When you start explaining things and you let them know everything that's going on, you have to like that. But then when you start stop doing that or cut back from it, it's kind of like, what's going on? So I think, like I was saying, it's just easier to play into that role. I think that's an interesting thing, too, because what your original definition of, like, they want everything, it's just selfish. So if you're honest, you risk losing the thing that you like, which is access to sex or somebody to hang out with or somebody to buy you lunch, whatever. So it's better not to be honest, because that way you guarantee you get what you want. I guess so. Okay, why ghost? Because you don't have to deal with awkward conversations. Nobody likes to be awkward. Nobody likes going through it. So just ghosting, it's like you didn't have to deal with it. After a couple weeks, you're like, okay, I get it. It's annoying, probably for the other person on the other end, but you don't have to go through any awkward exchanges or anything like that. I think of the flip side, too, though, because if you never say why you're closing things off, you don't have to explain why you decide to open it back up two months later, whatever. Don't you think that karma will ever catch up to you? I go back to that thing of like, I think it's a part of the narrative that people who have experienced an F-boy tell themselves to make it feel better, or what karma's gonna get them. But the reality is, if this is my karma, then damn. I feel bad, you know what I'm saying? So I don't know. I think, yeah, maybe karma will come and get them, but I think that's hopeful. Have you ever had an experience like this happen to you, where there's someone that you liked, that you were investing in, who was inconsistent with you, who was dodgy, you never knew quite how they felt about you? Yeah, for sure, definitely. At the end of the day, she was somewhat like me, so I ended up just having to be like, no, this is not gonna work out. It's the same. So you cut it off with that person because you were still getting hurt? We're the same, so I was like, it's not gonna happen to me. I was like, I already know how this goes. So I was like, I'm gonna just cut her off before anything can even happen. You know why that's a great point, is because people would think that karma would happen to you, but the truth is, you already know the game so well, you're able to avoid. You back out before it even jumps into it. I've definitely had my fair share of dealing with the women F-boy activity. I think the times that I have ran into it, I knew how to maneuver in it, either A, to cut it off, or B, win them over. But I never was devastated when I got that type of activity. And I think the reason being is because I kind of understood it a little bit. Like, I'm like, I don't know what you're going through. You probably have a couple other that you actually enjoy more than me. And that's okay. So yeah, I didn't really take it that personal. You getting mad at this activity? A little bit. Okay. Don't touch daddy's equipment. Dear F-boys, why do you always seem to come out of the woodwork around the holidays? Need them gifts, you know what I'm saying? I ain't even gonna cap. Need them gifts. You know what I'm saying? You start acting good around that time, popping out. You know what I'm saying? But yeah, them gifts, it gets real crucial around them times. Is that a real response? When you start coming around holiday times, especially around Christmas, it's that cuffing season. It's that season of like, you know, I need to get around someone. Usually you're back in the same town of that person you experienced, or you get around family and they're like, so what's the girl for? Who are you inviting to the party? Who are you doing this? So you start getting asked those questions. So you start just running down the list of women that you know that you are comfortable with and that you can, you know, hang out with. Is the F-boy really just scarred from their childhood and they don't know how to love as an adult? I think, for me personally, that could have played a part in it. But I think the heavy piece that is missing here is it's not necessarily an abandonment issue. No, right. No? No, not binding the cords. What can't you do? You gotta give her a bankie or something. What's her thing? My legs are so sweaty. I'm dripping. Ask the question again. I don't think it necessarily has to do with abandonment or childhood scarring. Yes, that plays a part in it. But I think it has to do with what was missing, like the father figure that had to place that imprint on it. And sometimes you may have a good influence from a dad. But if you start getting attention early as a man, you start having options early as a man, middle school, high school. Those type of times kind of influence you more than any good that's around you or any scarring that you've had as a child. And so it's really to do with the options. And if you don't have a strong enough male influence or good male influence to combat the options that you get at 13, 14, going on to like 18, it's almost inevitable that that kid is going to be exercising those options biologically. And so I just think that it's not necessarily a scarring. It's just the influence that you don't have to combat what is happening in front of you. And if anything, because you're not taught how to have relationships to Craig's point, you just go for the easiest kind. And it's easy because you in essence get everything that you want without doing any of the things that are challenging for you. Yeah. And I wouldn't say it's everything that you want. It's everything that you think you want until you experience something that's really healthy and good in a partnership dynamic. You don't really have anything else to compare it to because you've been dealing with multiple women probably your whole life at least I was. So my dad, he didn't really like one us in relationships. So kind of just growing up, I had to learn all that kind of on my own and I got all my own tendencies just kind of going through it. Basically, my dad would teach me things about women. He would just be like, it's God's daughter and you have to treat him right and all that. But he never really taught me how to be in a relationship and go through it because a relationship to him was a kid. So he never really wanted me to be in that space. So just being as a kid, I was always kind of being sneaky with my girlfriends. So if I had one and he kind of got suspicious of one, as a kid, I honestly kind of got scared and I'll cut her off for a second and I'll move to the next one and I'll move to the next one kind of like that. So that's honestly where my tendency started. Yeah, I can relate to that. I think my dad was heavily no relationships in the house. I think he spawned from his experience. He had me young and he was so scared that we would go down that same path. So we didn't really get to talk about relationships in our household because it was looked at as a negative thing. So yeah, I can relate to Craig in that regard. Well, I feel like the baby is asking us to finish this. Maybe this is born to part two. This is a very interesting conversation. Thank you very much to Craig and Jared for coming and sharing your truth. Once again, we are going to be challenging toxic masculinity through literature and we're all listening to the Way of Superior Man right now via Audible. And if you don't have Audible, look over here. If you don't have Audible or know about Audible, find out. What's dope about Audible is that you get one credit a month to use for any audio title of your choosing. And once you use that credit, it's yours to keep in your Audible library forever, like forever. So you can just continue to listen and listen and grow and learn. So I love Audible. Plus they also have the Audible Plus catalog where members get filled with thousands and thousands of audio books, original entertainment, guided fitness and meditation, sleep tracks for better rest and podcasts. I love Audible so much that I challenged Craig to listen to one audio book in one month and he did it and he actually liked it. And I think he's going to keep up with the challenge. So this month we're doing another challenge, one audio book in one month. Are you going to join the challenge? This month I am listening to The Ways of the Superior Man by David Data. Get your 30-day free trial, download any audio book of your choosing and come join the challenge with us. Just visit audible.com slash shamboody. Or if you're in the U.S., just text shamboody to 500-500. Again, that's audible.com slash shamboody. Or if you're in the U.S., just text shamboody to 500-500.