 Why do narcissists pretend to be good? Narcissists lack the mental and moral qualities that are distinctive to an individual. They don't believe in anything. They don't have values, but they have to pretend that they do to the extent where it seems like they have these firm beliefs, feelings and opinions about something. Which you cannot dispute or question. Because they hold on to it so strongly and they hold on to it because from what they've observed that's what good people do. They don't really have any desire to be good people. They just want everyone to think that they're good. They don't really care about being liked. They just want people to think that they're liked. Which is why they will go after the reputation of anyone who does question or confront them or threaten to expose them. They will dispose of anyone who is good. So that they can then take over their role. They target people who have good beliefs, values and principles. People who have good intentions. Just so they can learn from them. Just so they can imitate them. If it sounds good, they will use it for their own gain. They will use it to support the illusion. But they're really not doing anything good for anyone. If anything, they're only causing more problems. But the illusion is just about making people believe that they're doing good. They don't really care about the effect that their fake good behavior has on the people around them. They only care about what that makes people believe about them. As long as it looks good to other people. That's all that matters. As long as it's enough to fool people. They don't want to put in the work to actually be that for real. Sometimes they can even be sloppy with the illusion. But they usually try to do just enough to fool people. They don't really care if there's a few people who don't bite into the illusion. They will just turn other people against them. Or they will avoid them. Some narcissists actually enjoy it when some people dislike them. As long as it doesn't threaten the illusion. As long as those people don't threaten to expose the narcissist. But in many situations, once the narcissist has done so many horrible things to you and you start to dislike them. It can actually support the illusion. It makes them look good. Because they're busy portraying this image to everyone else. That they're so kind and supportive. So if you dislike them. People may begin to see it as though there's something wrong with you. If narcissists are such good people. Why do they lack character? Why do they lack the mental and moral qualities that are distinctive to an individual? Why do they constantly make decisions that only benefit them at the expense of other people? They lack a distinctive nature. Other than feeling like they have this exclusive privilege or right to do whatever they want. That's the only thing that separates them from other people. It's the only thing that makes them stand out. They're like children. Everything is black or white. Good or bad. Right or wrong. They can only tell you what they want. Or what they don't want. What they like. Or what they don't like. Because there's no development. They cannot accept responsibility or consequences. Which is why most of them don't tend to be successful. They only get so far in life. Where it's enough so that they're comfortable. Yet still able to complain about something. Because they still have to be the child. While everyone else is the parent who couldn't do enough of them. The parent who is mistreating them. Everyone else is supposed to be doing more to support them. Their relationship partner becomes the parent. Their boss becomes the parent. Even their own children become the parents. Who are mistreating them. Who aren't doing enough to help them. But as much as they may complain and profess that there are all of these problems. There's actually no problem at all. Because they are comfortable in these environments. They need these types of relationships. Because it allows them to play the victim. It allows them to complain about something. Which then gives them narcissistic supply. It also gives them the ability to justify everything that they've done. They can always pass the blame on to someone. Who they say was mistreating them. Or not doing enough for them. They feel that by playing the victim. It puts them in a position of power and authority. Because then they can make everyone do what they want. They can direct and influence people's behavior at the course of events. But in the long run. It's actually causing them more problems. It's the reason why they don't really accomplish much. Because one of the key ingredients of a successful person is accountability. Someone who takes responsibility for where they are in life. Which is something that narcissists don't want to do. Which is why they never grow and develop into anything greater. They always stay the same. But they do a lot. They expend a lot of energy. It's like their car is stuck in the mud. And they're putting their foot down on the accelerator. Doing everything they can to get their car out of there. But all they're actually doing is running it down even further into the mud. They really just need to stop. But the problem is they can't stop. Because there's always something causing them disappointment. There's always something causing them anxiety and pain. Where they just have to do something. They have to relieve their feelings of insecurity and instability. And they do that by trying to control everything. They're always trying to control something out of fear and anxiety. That's why they're always around. They're always watching. They're always listening. They're always involved in something. They can never let the situation pan out naturally. The illusion always has to be there. Because that's all they really have. That's what they've worked so hard to achieve. That's their legacy. That's what they're committed to. Narcissists are supposed to be these good people. Or at least that's what they want you to believe. But there's nothing they really value. There's nothing that really means anything to them. There's nothing they really care about other than what they can get. They don't believe in anything. They don't even care about their own productivity or results unless it supports the illusion. Because that's the only thing they value. That's the only thing that really matters to them. But even then, that's not really a value. Because it's not even real. It's an illusion. It's make-believe. They hold on to the illusion because they're afraid. Because they're very insecure. If they were strong, they would just be honest. But everything they do is out of fear because they're weak. Which is why whenever you're around the narcissist, they will either try to make you feel fear or shame. Because that's what they experience daily. That's all they know. So that's all they can give to you. And they hold on to the illusion because they're afraid of reality. Because they're ashamed of who they really are. Which is actually enough to be ashamed of at all. Who they are now is far worse than anything they could have been before. But their fear, shame and insecurity is what drives their disorder. They're too fearful and ashamed to be vulnerable around you. And that is why it never stops. That is why it is destined to continue. Because they always have to feel like they're winning. They always have to feel like they're better at something. They can't just drop the act and be real with you. Because to them that's like death. It would only cause them to lash out at you. So they have to pretend to be good. In their minds, they're either good or bad. And good people get the support. Good people are treated with kindness and respect. So they pretend to be good. Just like they pretend to be bad. Everything they do is just an act. And if one thing doesn't work, they will try something else. But none of it is really them. They're just different masks. And if they believe that it's working for them, you may see it more often. But whatever they choose to display to you, it's just pretend. It isn't real. It's designed to fool you. It's designed to get them what they want. Thank you for watching. I hope this video isn't with you. Please like, comment, share and subscribe. If you would like to donate, my PayPal link is in the video description. Coaching Inquiries. You can email me at coaching.narc-survivor.co.uk. Thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon.