 No, no, no, no. It is your responsibility to let your neighbors know that you're a registered sex offender, you can't expect them to know based on your appearance. And that goes for both of you. Oh... Are we live? Yeah, I guess so. Episode number seven of the Muddy Michael fully actual podcast, and we are in Michael's steam room. Hot rocks around, steam, sauna, we like to get our sauna in while we do our podcasts. Not as hot as normal. Not as hot man, it's been raining again, it's been flooding everywhere baby. How's the chair? You look so... Shut up. You look so comfy. He's fucking wearing... Oh I'm... I have to make those clothes. Your knees are up high. Is it nice cause you got that headrest now? It kind of supports me, but I hate it. Yeah. You hang in there, you might get an upgrade. Who knows? Oh what could be a fucking upgrade for this? One of these days you get an upgrade mate. Will Smith slapped Chris Rock. Alright, I'm just gonna put it out there. His wife is a bitch. Yeah, if you... Like, don't get that offended. It's a fucking... She's not... She's like a... It's not even terminal. She's not even dying or anything. It's just on her appearance. Fucking get over it. God. It's a fucking joke. He laughed at the joke and then she would have been like, Succeeds. Go and slap him Will. Go and slap him for me. What are you gonna do about it Will? What a simp of a man. Like fuck you. He was fully enjoying the joke. And then she'd be like, you can't joke about my hair. People are saying it's a soft spot. But fuck you. God that's frustrating. People are saying it's fake, but there isn't... No, no way. You can tell. We can tell. Yeah. A lot of people thought the slap was fake, but you know it's not fake because he gets... There's no way the Oscars would let an actor sit there and go and swear on TV. Yeah, and also you can see from Chris Rock's reaction. He was like... He was taken back. Yeah, he was taken aback. And he didn't know what to say, and you can tell he's a bit scared when Will started fucking screaming at him. Imagine if he fought back and they had a full-on punch on on stage. That'd be fun. Best reactions that what he should have said when Will Smith was going off at Chris. He should have just said, shut up. Gotta set him off, I reckon. It's made the Oscars fun again. Yeah, I didn't even know it was on. Yeah, I didn't even know Oscars was a thing. What is it? What's the Oscars for? Acting and film. Why do they call it Oscar? I haven't looked into why they call it Oscar. Isn't there Netflix movies and shit? I saw there were some nominees there as well. Yeah, Netflix stuff get nominated. There you go, mate. Netflix starting to take over the Hollywood whole scene of it. Hollywood's dead. You can make a short film. You can make a short film. Hey, stop. Get nominated. That's a song. Hey. You can make a short film about disco dancing and you can get nominated. Also, we need to film two podcasts this week because we are having a week off next week. We'll be on holidays. We're at a little Easter break. We're having a week off of filming. You are feeling too much today already. And set all the fields. And fuck, man. And so we need to film another podcast in like four days. We're thinking maybe Saturday morning. Matt said, oh, we're giving. Can you feel it again? So who knows? The whole dynamic could be shifted across all of the Mavericks. We've got an idea. Well, Matthew had an idea. Should we say it now? Of course we should. Although we are sticklers for saying something and then never doing it. Yeah. No, we did the only fans. I really want this one. I want this one. We don't even know the name of it. Did we? It's fully actual. Is it? Yeah. I'm pretty sure it's fully actual. I commented to do it. Yeah. But in the comments, did someone let us know what it was called? I didn't see it. No. Yeah. Someone said something ridiculous and it wasn't that. And I said, no, it's actually fully actual. So you got only fans in time. Do you remember the actual? I'm pretty sure it's fully actual. We're like 90% sure it's fully actual. And like, yeah. If you want to see sexy photos of us. We should probably add some updates to that. 100%. We should put some tits on. We should all, you know what? After this, let's all take photos of our tits. Yeah. We'll all just take a tits shot and put it up on the only. But we've got to push out. Yeah. Don't give too much away. Don't give too much away. I'm not doing that. Matt. I don't like that. I know mine's a fuck out of all of them. Oh, come on. Right on. Look, just so like, yeah. And we'll do it like this. So we squeeze them together so there's cleavage. And then we'll put our fingers in between to make it look like a dick. You can wear a turban if you want. Okay. Oh, we won't do that. I was hoping that it move on. Well, we might do that. I'm down. We'll put fingers in there and it'll look like a dick. Maybe I'll just sit in the middle while you guys are next to me pushing them into my face. Maybe you can spread your, would you rather that or spread your asshole? Fuck, they're both not good options. Well, yeah. Okay. Just an ass shot. But no, you have to. A video of your ass shaking the cheeks. Making the cheeks. So they jiggle a bit. But you have to bend over too. So a hole might be. Fuck it. Leave me alone. A hole might be inflicted. Leave me alone. I feel like. You feel like a little naughty boy, a little naughty brown in the naughty corner. Did you know if you cough, your asshole goes. Mine doesn't. Mine is always that. So when I cough, nothing changes. It's always this tight. It's always like that. What do they make ready for any attacks? How do they make you cough when they check your balls? Cause you're swinger clear. You're flaklule mnishnil. Can you cough without cleansing your ringworm? Can you cough without making a sound? No. No, that was a sound still. Yeah, you did it then. And I'm not trying it. Also we've, you might have noticed we've been pumping out a few more pranks lately. Look, we're 32 and we're 31. We don't particularly enjoy messing with each other as much as we want to. I'm fucking done. Okay. Can I just be clear? Marty was on a fucking, he felt me up far too many times today. He fucking grabbed at me. I was so close to snapping. I just felt like it a bit today. No. More than you. It's so. More than you. But anyway. We've decided that we're going to, because they always perform so well and it's what people want to see. So we've decided that we're going to, because we were concentrating on website and science experiments. Science is very important to us. Yeah. And we're going to keep the science going, but also we're going to be annoying each other a lot more. James warned me too. So get ready. Stop. Get ready at any time. At any day. Don't relax. Yeah. I've been watching around the side of the house at night. I've been coming here at night to track your movements. Rat. Yeah, there is rats. You're going to converse with them outside. Yeah. Giving them tea leaves. Get a fucking teacup there. I want him. I want to see. We're not killing him. We're just going to build a trap and see if we can gather them all together. I really want to see them. Hey, what's that fucking someone suggested that they sort of fairy tale where a man has a pipe. Pipe's Piper or some shit. Peter Piper. Yeah. And he whistles fucking the little rats and animals out. God. James warned me that you guys are coming to pranks. He said you better watch out. Yeah. We've already got. Yeah. We want to really, really hurt and humiliate you as well. So. Can we do a prank video? Can we prank you? Are we allowed to? Yeah. Of course we are. What do you mean? You do already. You've done it multiple times. Remember yesterday when you looked to the left of him and he started screaming? Got me good. Anyway. Do you want to tell this idea or should we keep it? So the idea is the world record. Michael had this great idea. He came to me yesterday with his awesome idea and said. Well, the world record for the longest podcast ever is 36 hours. So we want to see if we can beat it. I reckon we would get delirious by like the 12 hour mark. Yeah. Especially if we had a bong every 15 minutes for that 36 hours. We should do. We'll fall asleep. No. Can't do weird. You guys will be gone. I'll just be me talking to myself. I reckon we do a normal episode for the first two hours and then it's just. I agree. We just go nuts. It's 10 hours of prank calls. 10 hours of bongs. Singing. Oh, what about this? Singing? But every couple of hours. Made up songs, man. Yeah, we could do that. Every couple of hours. Because we're going for so long. We could book in all these people to come in and visit. Yeah. We get some people to come and say hello. Grazed his nose and he puffed up with rage then. Fucking. He puffed up with rage. Matt's having a scratch of his back. Fucking. He's trying to reach his fucking back come. That's true. But yeah. Well, that'll be, we'll be organizing that behind the scenes because we want to see if we can contact Guinness Book of Records and it takes months for them to get back to you. I reckon we can do it without the record because it makes it even dumber. Yeah, that's so true. And like we know in our hearts that we beat the record. I don't need some fucking stupid. And we can just buy the books and then just write it in. Why don't we do that and not do it? Yeah. Holy shit. We'll see how hard it is. Dude, it would get really fun. If they sit there and go, oh, you got to do this, this and this. And we're like, well, fuck it. We'll just do it anyway. Like 36 hours. We'd need a lot of shit to, yeah. We'd need a little list that we can tick off so we know what we're doing. I reckon we could take it in shifts. We could fucking go through. We could have a little cocktail list of drugs. We do all right. For a couple of hours, we do ketamine. The next three hours, we do weed. And then the last 10 hours, we do acid. Or just fucking black tar heroin. I was thinking instead of bone break, have pinch break or we got to pinch each other to keep each other awake. Matt, come on, Matt. Really? Are you guys going to fall asleep? Michael's come to me with such a good idea. And you, that's your contribution. I did say it was Matt's idea at the beginning, but I retract that statement. It is actually my idea. Come on. It doesn't matter anyway. We're all a team, Matt. It doesn't matter whose idea it was. Don't get bogged down in technicalities. It matters a bit. Fuck me. It matters a bit. It matters. It's a bit. See? It matters. Holy fuck. I just realized your name is in so many words. It's like a Matt is also something you walk on. Wait. Okay. This is child abuse I just worked out. Whoever calls their kid Matt is calling their kid a fucking something that people walked on. We walked on it. You collect dirt. Matt. That is almost as shit as Greg. Greg shit. Which is my dad's name. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh. Oh. Anyway, if you're on Spotify, give us a five star review. It's a thing now you can do. You go up and you click the five star review and please. And if you're listening on YouTube and that guy, don't forget comment, like, subscribe and just show your support because we've seen back here and. Sweltering. It's not too hot today. Look where we're doing it. We're doing it probably by an icon. Yeah. We're helping out disabled people apart from these sponsors. Nord VPN. Have you ever wanted a VPN? Have you sat there and thought what the fuck is a VPN? Can't because all three of us have we've all sat there and thought that even when they contacted us, we sat there and thought what the fuck is VPN? They give us money. Okay, we learn. Nord VPN. Right. If you install it into your fucking computer laptop device at home with technology, right? If you put it, pump it in, plug the cords in. You get fucking free security, right? Not free costs some money, but you get security. No one can track you. No one knows where you are. You can get entertainment from all over the world. Don't you know that? Don't you know that? You can get Netflix and whatever from anywhere in the fucking world. Really? Nord VPN is the only one that doesn't slow your fucking internet down either. So don't come back at me and say, I would get it, but it'll slow my internet down. Because it fucking won't. It's fucking fast. It's only, look, if you want to go on a fucking year plan, right? Okay. A year plan. Or if you use our discount code fully actual, you get a huge discount and a free bonus gift. I don't know what that is, to be honest. I don't know what the free bonus gift is. Plus you get an extra month free. And there's a money back guarantee. Money back guarantee if you don't like it. So there is no risk to you. So you may as well install it and see what you think. It's only $4.99 a month for the year plan. Stimulates the economy. Stimulates the economy. Don't you want to give back to us? Because the money comes back. So go around in circles. Go around in circles, baby. Don't let it sit stagnant in your bank account. $4.99 a month for a year. Or you can go to the two year plan for $3.35 a month. Use our discount code fully actual. Visit nordvpn.com slash fully actual. The link will be in the description. And if you don't have a description because you're on Spotify, just go to nordvpn.com slash fully actual. I think we're going to cut. We're not going into pedophiles. All right, cut that. But leave Matt in saying no, no, we're not going into pedophiles. Cut that. Leave that bit in. Cut me saying pedophiles and just take out anything to do with pedophiles. All right, we'll cut all that. But leave this in. Okay, we'll cut the pedophile joke that we just made. Happy? Yes. All right. We're never going to get anywhere. Especially if we're doing it in and around our sponsors. Anyway, enough of the pedophiles. Onto manscaped. Manscaped.com. If you need grooming shit, if you've got plumes of hair going out of your ears and nose and back hair and your wife's looking at you like you're a fucking caveman, go to manscaped.com. Use our discount code fully actual 20 and get 20% off all of their mail grooming products. They can make your sack as smooth as a silky pillow, right? They got ball wipes for when you're on the road and you're shit you're nappy. You can put a fucking nose hair trimmer up your nose and look normal. You can shave your face. They got body washing out. It doesn't give you cancer. They got this spray. It just says hydrating body spray. Look at that. I'm just spraying it and I don't know what it does. I don't know what that does to be honest with you. But get it. Buy it. Buy everything. Buy the lot. Go shop. Shop to your job at manscaped.com fully actual 20 for 20% off. We've got crazy. It is good for the economy too, this one. I'd love to see the reaction of the person who has to review me. He has to review this. I don't think they do review them. I think they do. They don't have the human resources. That's so true about that. It's like the police. Everyone says, oh, you haven't got a license. Don't drive. Enough about the pedophiles. Okay. Our third and final sponsor is of course the University of Marker, which is our subscription website, right? And right now, just came out on the website is a video where Michael and I travel to Blake Melbourne at Charmys house and he uses piss as the main ingredient and three different dishes to see if you can make piss edible. And let me tell you, the results are surprising. So if you want to see that video for free, you got a 21 day free trial link is in the description or go to universityofmarker.com sign up. It's fucking, what is it? $7.99 a month. U.S. sells at $10. A coffee or something? A couple coffees. No, it's two coffees. Two coffees. The coffee and a bagel. Two dollars a week or some shit. Three dollars a week, unless you're doing the premium. And look, we've got over 200 videos on there now and they're fucking, it's good shit, man. You couldn't sit there and watch it now. You're fucked. Mr. Brown is such a fucking fuckknuckle. He wouldn't even be able to watch it all in one sitting. That's how many videos there are now, mate. That we upload every week. They're like 30 minutes long sometimes. How many hours? Well, 200 times on average. Half an hour. Yeah. So 200 times half an hour. That's like 300. That's like 6,000. Yeah. That's so many. That's 6,000. That's 6,000. That's so many. Probably. Minutes. 6,000 minutes. Okay. Which is 600 hours. So you tell me about that tonight. Huh? You tell me about that tonight. You tell me about that tonight. Matt, you would genuinely, you on the weekends, if you fucking watch this, you would be so happy. For a video, how's this for a video, right? Matt's going to sit down. He's going to sit down and we're going to show him a fucking website video. And if you laugh, right? You have to suck our cocks. Would you? No. Yes. Do you love us? With Tabasco all over it. Aw. Yeah. Does that hurt? Yeah. Just be shit. Okay, Matt. If you had to suck one of us off. Right now. Five. Four. Three. I'm probably going to have to go, Marty. Yes. I've seen too much bad shit from you. Wait. No, I take it back. It's Michael. He's very clean at the moment because he's trying to impress his girlfriend. Yeah. I've been chair. You've been in the relationship too long. You don't give a shit anymore. I barely even wipe my ass in. Yeah. It does. She does not care. All right. So Michael's clean at the moment. Look, no. We're going to film Matt's reaction to some of our website videos. And yeah, it's going to be crazy, man. It's going to be like crazy here. Maybe we could come up with a little ringworm where if he laughs, he gets a reward. Or no, if he doesn't laugh, we can prove how fucking funny we are. If you don't laugh, you get like, I don't know, a cake or scraped or like he gets scraped. Yeah, I'm down with that. Punishments if you don't laugh, punishments if you do laugh and then rewards if you don't laugh. I reckon I'm pretty good and I can hold it. No, I don't know. We are fucking funny. It's loose on there, baby. It's quite loose. If I get in the right frame of mind, I will not laugh. We'll see. That's a good idea. Let's move on from this boring fucking talking. Hey, let's get let's get started. Let's get straight into the fucking podcast. Okay. Wait on this. Oh wait. Should I get? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And we're back. Matt's come in and done a bit of sloppy research on this one. He wanted to, he wanted to get this one out there because it's, it's kind of, it's kind of trending subject. So Matt just did a little bit of digging and actually found the root of the problem. A little fluffy. A little fluff and on this day in 2009, Will Smith accidentally exchanged his wife's shampoo bottle with a bottle of chemo. She washed her hair vigorously for a few months and ended up losing all of her hair. The entire Smith family was incredibly confused and devastated because looking good was the most important thing to them. One day, Will was watching one of his servants clean his bathroom when he saw his servant throw an empty bottle of shampoo in a bag. He had a thought and ordered his servant to get out of the fucking bathroom. He checked the bottle and sure enough, in big bold letters on the front of it, it said, this is chemo. He quickly threw the bag away and suggested that his wife had alopecia. That's been his story ever since and he will defend his story until the day he dies, even if it means slapping every single person who even dares mention her name, can't. So that's... That might be why. Yeah, wow. I didn't know that was a thing. They should be more careful about that. I've seen that in Kohl's nearly bought it thinking it was bleach. Well, I'm pretty sure they do sell it. Yeah, they bottle the chemo for sure, man. I've seen it. I've seen it on the shelf. Chemo. Big W? At Big W. All right. Is it my Bible or Matt? Let me just have a quick look here. We don't have to do that. I've got my Bible here if you need it. Look. Matt, we're moving on to... Bachelor Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown All right now. Bachelor Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Bachelor Brown Brown Brown Brown Now Matt, before we move on to your next bitch have you been speaking to the one from last week? I knew it. I knew that one would stick. Dude, so you love it. What have you guys been sharing with each other? Just had a few chats. I've had a few chats with all of them. Are you guys together? Oh my God. You fucking have feelings or at least feelers for her. Feelers. What have you guys been talking about? Spill the beans, Big Brown. Spill the beans. I want to hear all about it. Oh my God. I said hello and she said hello back. So anyway. Oh, come on. A little bit more. We just chatted. Yeah. Hello. How are you? Anything else? Come on. Give us some juicy goss. It's, you know, it's rewarding to hear what's coming back. It's document. Let's not hear about it. It's nothing. So just had a chat and that's it. Just a normal small talk shit. Typical Brown, small talk, boring bullshit. You barely scratch the surface. You don't even know her. My suggestion is get deep with the questions and it will lead to you getting deep with your dick. Is there a question you would like me to ask? That's probably true. Yeah. And that's going to be written in a notebook somewhere. Write it down. Is there a question you'd like me to ask? Am I? Is there something you want me to come back with? Like a little bit of homework? Yeah. Yes. Do you know what I mean? All right. Matt, you've got to ask her this and find out this information and bring it back. Yeah. Out of all of them, is she the one you like the most? So you love her? Yeah. That's a yes. They're all pretty cool. Matt, you're being politics. You are in love. I kept it last week. I said you loved her. Matt's saying that he hates single mums. That's basically what he just said. I did not. I did not say that at all. So you dislike single mums. And that's why your favorite is the one from last week. Let's move on. He hates kids. It's true. Fuck. I'm not going to comment on that. Matt, let's hope this one's not a single mom. All right. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Hello. Hey, excuse me. Oh, thank the fucking, fucking fucks for that. I don't know what the fuck happened then, Katie. That was fucking stressful as fucking shit. But enough about me. It wasn't the other day when Michael ran. Yeah, I know. We'll transfer some money for this call as well, because it's an international, and I feel very dirty doing this. We'll get him for free. Oh, don't worry about that. Don't worry about that. Well, look, as you know, I've got you on speaker here with Michael next to me and the very suave, charming Mr. Matthew Gregory Brown to my left. Yeah. Look, as you well know, he's on the hunt for his wife, and Matt would like to share a little song that he's written for you. Oh. And just it's... I look forward to hearing it. It's only like three or four lines, but yeah, just prepare yourself. Come on, Matt. Matt, you can fucking do this. Signal one, I was singing to you today. I didn't have a song. Signal one. You reach your high notes. There's a boy inside my heart. I can't do that. Reach your high notes. I can't. Don't freeze up, Matt. Say the last line. Oh, my God. Say, and I'll have him by tomorrow's morning's end. Come on! And I'll have him by tomorrow morning end. Katie, I'm so sorry. He's real. Oh, yeah. Bitched out about that. Anyway, look. He needs to do the song. Yeah. I agree. I don't hit a song. Very demanding. Oh, come on, Matt. You promised a song. Just a little twinkle, twinkle. Little twinkle, twinkle, little sa. No, leave me alone. Oh, he's gone or put his defenses up. Matt, do the boy inside my heart song. Katie, we're going to have to rely on you to help open this conversation up. So, Katie, why don't you tell Matt something about yourself just to help him get to know you a little bit? All right. So, well, I'm Katie. I'm obviously English as you can tell. I, well, I think this might be quite helpful for Matt, to be honest. So, I work in a hospital where I have access to the mortuary that I've never heard. I've never heard in his diary anything about having a head in a mortuary. So, I think we've got to make some doors for him. Did you just make me an offer for Mortuary 6? Corpse fucking. Yeah, I did. Dude, that is a standout. We haven't had that before. What an offer. What say you, Brown? What say you, Brown? Dude, it's different. Go for it. Fucking hell. Will you move there? Will you move to England now, dude? Where in England are you from? I'm from the South. South Coast. The South Coast? Yeah. Well, like Brighton or something. Oh my God. Dude, you've got to ask more interesting questions. I don't know what to say. Be charming and shit, man. Dude, open the door for her. I've never been to Australia, but I have this irrational fear that when you are on the toilet that a snake will swim up through the toilet. So, that is the predominant reason that I've never been to Australia. You've got a higher chance of Matt swimming out of a toilet. Now, I'm not sure. Well, you call on that. Say something, man. Bring it home, Matt. I'm fucking butchering this. Dude, tell her to move in England. Tell her what your ideal first date is, Matt. Tell her what your ideal first date is. Katie, what's your ideal first date? Great question. That's pretty good. Unless you want to go to the mortuary, that is interesting. I'm not sure, to be honest. Probably something involving the mortuary. Say your English, say your English. Matt, tell her that you're born in England. I've got English heritage, I think. Dude, that is the same. Matt's got English hair. He's got English hair. He's got English hair. You've got English hair, dude. I'm sorry, Katie. You've got English hair. I'm sorry. That is fucking good. I'm sorry, Katie. They've lost their minds. Now it's just you and me. I had a rap verse. I'm not very good at rap. How do I do an English accent? I'm from Birmingham. Oh! I've been watching Peaky Blinders too much. I'm sorry. That's a good apology. I watched that. Finally. That's making some inroads. Besides mortuary sex and stuff, what do you else do you do? What are your hobbies? Weak questioning. Weak questioning. What do you answer? I'm fighting, really. Matt, you lie to her. The other thing I like doing is that I also work with our people and I quite enjoy it when this is all over. Matt loves the gym. Tell her how you love the gym. Yeah, I love the gym. Ask her how old she is. Matt would like to know. He's too shy to ask himself, but he wants to know how old you are and how many kids you have. Not that he's all about physically, but 80% of him is about physicality. I'm 87. I'm re-killed. I'm blonde. And I have full functioning limbs. There you go, Matt. For what? For functioning limbs for you to play with. That's good, I guess. There you go. Matt, any final questions? I'm so sorry, Katie. This is the most awkward he's been so far. So far. Do you have any final questions for Katie before we end this chat? If we end up together, am I moving to England or are you moving to Australia? She's the one. Eva, I'm quite interested in the green card. I've been quite interested in Australia. Dude, I think she's moving in. She wants to get married. That's seriously sacrifice. And you've got English hair, so that's sacrifice on you. That's a great start. Oh, has she got kids? Have you got kids, Katie? No. Matt loves that. He hates single moms. That's fucking perfect, Matt Brown. Thank you so much for the chat, Katie. I'll get Matt to add you on his personal Instagram. Matt Brown, it's a fucking shit username, but Matt Brown, 1111. Have a chat to him, see if things go nuts, and at the end of the season, this is 100% serious. If Matt says you're on his top three, we will give you an all expenses paid trip to Australia. It is a promise. Tell her she's engaged. You might well be engaged by now. You're engaged with Matt. Matt Brown moves fast, feelings flowing through his very large, wide arteries. It was good meeting you, Katie. It was good meeting you, Katie. Thank you for taking our call. We love you, and stay strong, and don't ever, ever look Matt directly in the eyes. Oh. Very good. Dude, you are engaged now. That means, I reckon. I sort of lost track of what was happening there. Are you in a relationship now? You are, pretty much. I reckon. You're in a vicious love triangle now with last week's and even if I wanted. Last weeks might get upset at you now. You were quite flirtatious, and you sick corpse fucking fuck. Even if I wanted this to succeed, which I, which is, I don't want to talk about it, but even if I wanted this to succeed, you guys make it so hard. This is the only way. We are fucking helping you. If it weren't for our input, you'd be sitting there like a bullfrog on a road, not moving, not saying a word, we're flicking you, and making you move around a least, so you have a chance to get back into the wilderness and fucking other bullfrog. We've pretty much flicked you off the road. You're back in the bush now. Anyway, that's Bachelor Brown. Man. That was good. You've just found a girl. She's the one probably. You really were stuck then. She offered mortuary sex. Can you say that mortuary? I don't know what that means. Like a morgue. Imagine a like a foursome with three corpses. Yeah. Yeah. You sit them up because they'd be stiff. Yeah. I'd be smelly wouldn't they? You'd have to do all the moving. Yeah, you have to like really work hard. But then once they're in position, good to go. Oh yeah, you're right. Is it my Bible time? First. All right. We have mud, bro. Do I have to have double whammy? Here we go. Actually, let's do the Bible first. You're right, Michael. I want something a bit more lighthearted. You know what I mean before we head into that? Dark. It's good to have some wisdom. Dark twisted mind of the brown. Oh, Michael's Bible. Michael's Bible. What do you guys think about that intro song? Yeah, I can see the music. Clouds opening. To reveal a big stiff. A court. Show. All right. Let me flip to some pages here. Yes, one of my favorite chapters. Chapter three. Verse 10. From the book of where, where. People. People obsess about what clothes they wear. But most importantly, where. What we're wearing doesn't matter nearly as much as where we are. Where is where? Is it there? Because it's certainly not here. Change your values so you do not concern yourselves with what to wear, but instead with where. Find the answer to where and what we're wearing loses awareness. Now go forth and find where. The glass cracked when I threw a pebble at it. Love Beezus. Dude. I've been. That is so true. Yeah. And the ending is like, I get that too. It's like, you can look straight through glass, but if you crack your perspective, you have fractured sight. Do you get that? Are you fucking sitting down right now? Pebbles. If you grind them down or melt them or something, which is similar to sand is a window. Wow. I never actually thought about that. It's sort of like that. It's nearly the same thing if you change a lot of the processes around. You could melt down pebbles to a glass. Anything with enough heat applied is meltable brown and you don't realize who you're sitting with right now. Royalty come. Anyway. Moving right along. You're going to have your Bible back. Thank you. Oh no. Okay. Even just touching it. The evil that has squirted from inside just makes me all anxious and shitty. Let me flip to a random page in that little black book of herbs. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Okay. Let me just get set. Let me get set here. My hair's all in my fucking orifices. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. It's coming more forward as the night goes on. Yeah. He's like over your fucking face now. Ha ha ha. It's in my throat. Oh okay. Number 51. During my time at university for photography I would often work at the cemetery as a grave digger over the summer for extra money. On this particular day I started my shift early. It was the evening and I walked past a funeral. There was someone in the middle of a eulogy and I overheard, taken so young but only 23 years young. I stopped in my tracks and automatically started sniffing the air. Sniff sniff sniff. And Sarah will be remembered for her love of fitness, family and friends. Mmm. Fitness. She must have a great body. A shock of excitement struck me and oh shit my nappy. I kept walking but I made a mental note of this particular grave. Night time soon came and I had already filled the two other graves. I wanted to be able to take my time with this last one. I stood staring down into the grave where a beautiful coffin was glistening all night. I looked around to make sure no one was doing any late night grieving and I jumped down into the grave. My eyes bulged out of my fucking eye sockets and I jimmied the coffin open with my incredibly hard and erect little brown. I pulled the lid open and saw that this corpse was one of the most beautiful corpses I'd ever seen. Easily top four. Tight, firm body, very little bloating and a sexy face. She was wearing a beautiful white dress. The night time helped disguise the fact that she was a decomposing corpse. Riggle Mortis had set in and her limbs were very stiff and set. I eagerly grabbed at her tits and groin moaning loudly as I did. I plunged my thumbs deep into her decomposing neck and they easily broke through the skin. I lifted her up and bent her back so she was in a seated position. I wrestled open her stiff jaw and placed my nuts on her tongue. Oh yeah, you're a dirty little tall corpse aren't you sir? I took my ball bag and had a chuckle to myself. Then finally I lifted her dress. I used all my force to rip open her legs. I tugged at them both and one of them snapped clean off. So now she was in a seated position and she had one leg bent to the side. She was ready. I removed my shit filled napion and tossed it out of the grave. Pre-mince was bubbling from the tip of my little brown. I searched forwards and entered the cold rotting corpse. As soon as my little brown parted my gaps, my body trembled with pleasure. I thrust it forward hard and slowly drew back my hips. Then thrust it forward hard again. I lent forward and started making out with her face and open mouth. My thrusts became harder and harder and faster and faster. My nutsack slept against her ass and my gills widened as I inhaled as much oxygen as I could to feel my fuck-fest. I arched my back as I felt the beginnings of my release. My hips suddenly locked forwards and I expelled my DNA with such violent force that mince coursed through her body and rocketed out of her open mouth and straight back onto me. I screeched with pleasure and tears of joy fizzed from my eyes. My body went limp and weak and I disconnected my little brown from the corpse cunt. The corpse had mince oozing out of every orifice as I straightened her out. Chucked my snap leg off back in the coffin and slammed the coffin shut. I can't believe I get paid for this. Fuck yeah! Oh my god. That's why you fucking like Katie. You have had corpse sex brown. You've had it heaps man. That linked up. That linked up well. What are the odds of that? One in three with your that book. With that book there one in three is corpse. What have was that? What number? 51. Well into your journey. Man. Fucking holy shit. Imagine like going and pull a leg. Riggle mortis. Imagine having stiffen that snaps off baby. Can that happen? Yeah you get a real stiff when you're dead. So you can just snap it to the body. What do you mean? You fucking wrote it? Probably when it gets to like what? Like two years dead. Two thirty? Yeah well two thirty. Fuck you're sweaty. Probably when it gets to about two thirty that's when it happens. Oh holy shit. Yeah that was insane. And we're back. Yeah I'll show you her Matt. Oh man. Were you showing me? The girl you just had a date with. Katie. Zoom in on his face Conor. Zoom in on his face. Let's see if we can read what's going through that twisted head. His brain's like a fucking roller coaster. So many twists and turns. How am I a roller coaster? His brain. Matt. She's the one. You love her. Pretty? Lucky man. I still think Jasmine was the best so far. Oh so he does have a favorite. He's speaking out. He's speaking out. Katie was exciting. The fact that she's like she sounds very adventurous. Okay. You just have a thing for Jasmine. You don't even remember the name of the second one. See how fancy. I can do this. I can do this. The second one was Brooke. It was Brooke. We've had Kersi. We've had Sammy. We've had Jasmine Katie and oh no she's gonna hate me that I forgot her name. Last one. You forgot Emily. There's no Emily. Shut up. There was. I'm pretty sure. Oh no you're throwing me now because I had it on the tip of my tongue. Yeah I'm sure you've had them all. Oh I'm gonna have to go find her and say sorry if I've got a name. That's so sorry about that. Really. He's usually very respectful to ladies. Except for when he's trying to fuck them. And he becomes an animal. Anyway. On to the next one. What's Oh fuck yes. The cow. The cow which is the comment of the week where we just pick a random comment that we think is fucking hilarious and we print it out and stick it on a fucking bitter canvas there and then by the end of the season it'd be a canvas full of cool comments. This isn't necessarily need to be the most liked comment. Just could be clever, could be funny, could be anything. So just comment away. We love seeing your comments. We love reading them all. And by the way, if you want to answer your questions, comment your questions. We answer the most liked first. So have a scroll through like the questions that you want us to answer. I guess what we're trying to say is just fucking comment. Yeah yeah that's good. There's a runner up too. Okay. Comment of the week went to Matt Kerr depending on where he's from. Alright ready? If Marty dies who gets custody of Michael? Now the reason we picked this one is because it's actually a great question. Because I own him at the moment but I think ownership would just go back to the institution if I died. He'd be back. He'd have to go back to the institution unless you get married I'm pretty sure there was something at the bottom of the contract. If you get married then Amber gets you if I die. But yeah so if I die before you marry Amber you'd have to go back to the institution. I'd best get married then. Dude the institution it's like it's his 12 story building and there's no one in there. What suburbs is it in? It's in Aspley man. Just around the corner of Ann Park. That's where I found it at the top level. Alright there was a runner up one as well which was Dane Wynne. Dane Wynne. English yeah. Little fleckler huh? Dane's comment was you guys fucking rule. Yeah dude. And we wanted to pick that one as second because It's true. Well yeah we're pretty good. We're pretty good. Actually very very good. The best. Well we both like to say that much. We don't. We try to say humble but we are by far the very best in the world. Yeah. I don't think that's a stretch to say. Matt never says it. Matt never says that we're the best. You have to say it dude at the end of today. You have to say it or your mum dies. No no no we're the best. We're the best. You have to say just in case. Love my mum. Anyway let's get to some questions. Okay. Don't break it Michael. Look how cool that was. Give it to me. One two three four five comments so far everyone. How exciting. Alright let's jump into some questions. Alright. That's what they get to be on a stupid board. Alright first question from Jonathan Smith. That's a good strong name. John Smith. Yeah Greg Smith. From Pocahontas. One syllable each. John Smith. Greg Smith. You get it done and sorted. You can't give that kind of nickname. Otherwise turns into two syllables. Gregi. We're getting Greg on the podcast again. That's a great idea. We pranked him. I just want to see him down and scream. I want to like have him in my arm. He's in the middle here. If he's doing that real outrage laugh all the time. Yeah I miss it. Hey can I ask a question? Oh yeah true. Can we have, yeah we're getting Greg for next week. If we get Greg on does that mean we could possibly for Saturday sit him on the couch and I might get a good seat. What do you mean? Greg sits here you stay there. Yeah fuck. Maybe not next week though because we have to film this on Saturday and he might not be available on Saturday. I reckon he would know. We could ask. Yeah we will ask. We will ask. We will ask Greg next week. Next week or the week after. I reckon we're going to get him. I'm just going to message him a talent to rock up. Should we call him now? On Saturday it would be good because he can do Saturday mornings. Should we call him now? Just ask. Yeah let's confirm with Greg that he's coming on the podcast on Saturday. I can't get to the phone right now. Please leave a message and I'll get back to you shortly. Listen Greg stop wasting my fucking time on the podcast Saturday morning. Be at Michael's at 10 a.m. Bring some fucking wine you can't. Yeah that's good. It's short and sweet. Oh man I hope he's here. Yeah if we get Greg on. He's so nice. He's just kind of like sexually abusing. He's like having a dad end the kid at the same time. He's going to be crowded. He's going to be weird. The Greg coached us when we were children. Yeah I guess everyone knows him. But he's our first teacher at high school. Then he became my house like a carer. He became our first employer. He was our boss. He was our first ever jobs he gave us. Fuck you. And then you lived it on his fucking cult. Yeah. He gave me a shipping container which was awesome. And then he helped us out when we were poor as fuckers. And he is a great kisser. Oh Greg has the longest time. And such a luscious. He clips. Anyway next question Greg. First question. This is a top question. From Jonathan Smith can we see the rat colony wouldn't mind seeing you guys catch them and keep them as pets. Markle seems like the sort of guy that would have rat pets. I agree I want to catch them. I want to film them for you guys. Let's catch them. Buy that thing. What's the thing that catches them in the bin? Yeah the bucket. We got to YouTube that. And we got to do that. Because we could turn into a video somehow too. Well we could set them free. Yes setting rats free. And setting them free like in your front yard. So they're on straight back to the garage. We catch them and set them free. Yeah I reckon that's what we do as well. And we should put bells on them all. So we can hear them. Yeah holy shit. And imagine the jingles of the rat. Man if you get bitten by one. It would get... It would send me crazy. Oh. Yeah not a good idea with the bells. But yeah I'm down at least. Great question though. And yeah we will be trying to get some footage of the rats for you guys. Oh you did two questions for Jonathan Smith. Oh Jonathan. He's on fire. Yeah it was the most liked. Yeah I guess so. Next question from Jonathan Smith. Do you guys ever feel uncomfortable doing the public videos? Let's use the latest public video you did. As an example. We re-enacted the Will Smith Chris Rock incident in a public food court. And no that sort of shit is fine. It's like a bit cringy. Because you know that the people around you they are shocked. It's not funny to them. They're just shocked. But you know it'll be funny for someone who's watching it. But the people around you don't really know that you're filming a video. They just think you're crazy. Was it hard at first to do those things and they just got easier and they didn't care? Definitely. Because when I did the thing in the library with you man like heart pounding. What was the library thing? The sports one. Yeah man it's done a few. What's the sports one again? Remember as well when we were making videos for fucking fortify? Yeah you did the phone thing. Public? That was fine though because I walked away and I couldn't see anyone's reaction and I felt good about that. The shame everything goes after a while. You do it for long enough. To be honest all through high school we stood out and remember whenever we were eating I'd pretend to have Tourette's screaming as well. Marty's never had respect. If you go to a cafe with Marty it's always going to be an awkward person looking weird at you. The farts that he has ripped with families behind him and it's just like I have to put my head down and I just think fuck they are staring us down. Even just basic chatter you'd be sitting there and Marty would be like have you picked something from the menu Matthew but like to the whole cafe. Yeah everyone looking at you but like a lot of the time it's like a superpower because I don't feel that humiliation and then I like seeing it in you guys. I have to admit it it rubs off. It is very funny. Fighting in particular because I always have my back to it my victim and so they turn around and the boys just have to make eye contact and deal with that scenario. It's been some angry people. Yeah dude people get so mad. I don't know why. Remember that lady at Flannery's? What did she say? You just pretty much fight it on me. Yeah that's right. I didn't and kept walking or something. I didn't. I did not. Oh fuck. Yeah. Next question is from Steven Hunt. Matt Brown thought about going on Maths to find the next Mrs. Brown. I reckon Matt would make a great cast remember and the intro on the show would be Matt Brown from Wholesome. Wait so what was the beginning of that? Maths. Would you go on Maths? Man Mon were talking about that. I hate Maths. But like being a contestant is a different story. Do you know what I mean? Like you wouldn't watch it. I'd just be fucking so pissed off with everyone. Worry how set up a lot of it. Yeah and you get everything gets through like mashed together all their recordings as they're so full of shit that produces a Maths. What about if we do our own Marty and Michael Maths for you? That's different. But you have to legally marry. You do that? Yeah I don't know it could be fun because obviously you have other guys and girls doing it right. We find Matt's wife. What are you doing with Bachelor Brown? Yeah exactly but with Bachelor Brown we don't get to vet them first. We're meeting them for the first time too. We pick the perfect girl and she has to move in. She has to move in with you for three months. Who do you think we would do you think we would not pick a suitable suit? No I don't think you would. And we record it and we release episodes about it. It's the new show it's called Brown Town. Yeah and you will paint your whole apartment brown. Can we? Yeah she'll love it. We pick her by the end of this season we'll know from all the calls we've done for Bachelor Brown. I need to find a girlfriend. These guys are going to ruin my life. We will find your girlfriend and then we will ruin your life together. Yeah we'll all ruin our lives together. You guys are fine. You've found beautiful queens who you love. Asteroids dude. We could have struck gold. We could have very easily been homeless, drug addict pieces of shit. And we have struck gold. Somehow we turned it around and here we are cunt. Put it there. Put it there. Ooh. Next question is from Jordan. Oh no. Camarado? Racist? Camarado. Racist. If Marty and Michael lose all their fame and money, the only way to get it all back is to convince Matt Brown to give them a quickie, a quicksuckle until they mince. No. The only people that remember is Marty and Michael after the deed is done. How do you convince him? Just offer you money. So Jordan, this is a bit poorly worded but... I'm a bit upset. I'm a bit upset. So basically you lose all your fame and the only way to get it back is to suck me off. Only you will know in the end but what do you do to convince me to do it? We'll probably give you money. I'd probably drug you and just do it. Yeah, well I guess it counts if we just like put it in your mouth. I'd fucking try and force you out. No, you've got to mince. He specifically says suckle until they mince. If we drug him, you're out cold and then we just... No, we'll give him a Viagra and then we'll drug him and then we'll just suck until he comes. It's a quicksuckle. It's not a mouth fuck. No, he sucks us off. I'm sucking you guys. So we drug him and then we just jerk off over him while he's passed out. No, it says suckle until they mince. Yeah, we'll finish in your mouth. So you have to convince me to suck you. You're always trying to cheat. We're the only ones who remember, right? I get your mum, I get a gun and say suck me off or I'll shoot your mum. Fuck, I'd do it. That would work, yeah. But we could probably pay you. I'd give you like... I'd give you like... 500 bucks. I don't like that... Suggesting he's very cheap. I don't like that you're starting to use my mum against me. 500 dollars. I'd have to just fire some warning shots too because you wouldn't believe me. You might have to shoot her leg or something first. Julian showed us a terrible, terrible video today. Two kids accidentally shoot themselves. Well, one, she shoots a... I didn't watch it. And then she's so distraught that in that moment she's picks the gun up and shoots herself. It was apparently really fucked up. Really? Who's filming? They're live streaming. They had a gun. I only heard about it. Kids playing with guns are live. A 10-year-old and a 5-year-old. Your fans have already sent me the worst stuff I've ever seen. So I can take that. I won't repeat what it was. He poisoned his soul. Yeah, I won't repeat what it sent to me. It was fucked. Oh! Oh! Hey! Whoa! Your little purring just reminded me of a story I just heard in the news. Apparently there's a school in Brisbane that there are a bunch of girls who don't know each other and they're identifying as cats and the school is allowing them to cut holes in their skirts to wear their tails out and when they see each other they're cats. In Brisbane. You're lying. That is not real life. That's a poorly written on this day. That's what that is. That's a poorly written on this day. And apparently in one classroom we're going there if that's happening. I hope you know that. I'm going to that school! If that's real, that's where I need to be. All this is over! Apparently a girl stepped on one of their fake tails and she in the claw. How do you know? There's two reasons I know. One, I know someone who knows someone that works at the school and the other one is that it was just released I think it was Daily Mail. What school? I think it's Brisbane Girls Grammar. We need to contact them. They're really posh. They're calling them right now. Brisbane Girls Grammar, is it? Well, let's just have a look. Yeah, okay, let's find out. Walking on all fours and cutting holes in their uniform for a tail. How? What year? I don't know. Brisbane Girls Grammar. How the fuck should I know? Holy fucking shit. I told you it was real. And you still didn't believe me. We're living in a fucking movie. We have to go there. As if you wouldn't just start identifying and just start ripping people. I would say illness. I'd say that I'm identifying as homework and when the teacher asks my homework done I'd say I'm offended that you would ask me to do myself. I guess you could take offense. I just say I'm done each time. Good stuff. Alright, let's get through these questions. Next question is from the Nameless Man. If yous weren't doing these videos and stuff, what else would you like to do if this wasn't an option? P.S. absolutely loving the videos used to Oh, sorry, sub to everything and keep up the good work. Fucking legend. There you go. TrueWebSum member, true fam, Mr. Browns. Shit. Shit. What was the question? So what would we do if we weren't? Probably we've said this before but it's changed. I'd probably want to sell weed weed paraphernalia and be a bong king. Yeah, like king of the bongs or legally sell weed. No, no, Michael will be a he's going to build his own community. Oh, a commune. Set up a commune would be good. That's what Michael would do. Making our own strain of weed and selling that would be nice. We're going to do that. Next question is from William Marks. Have you considered the reason Matt doesn't want to meet the girls is because maybe he prefers the other kind. It was most liked. I'm just going off most liked. Yeah, the kind of girl. I can see the number. I don't believe that. Yeah, seven likes or nine. Five. Well, I just went whatever. What? I get it. Well, what about maybe set up a guy next week and see if you like it and see how Matt reacts. No, that's perfect. Yep. That's a great idea. I'm going to write that down. Unless you've tried and look at where you are. Okay. 35 years trying one gender. Maybe open your fucking eyes and your asshole and have a fuck with a man. God. Doesn't matter what I say. Well, dude, you could find your wife. Husband. And that is all the questions for today, guys. All right, guys. It's German or gibberish time. It's where I say sentence that either sounds like German or is German and they have to guess if it's gibberish or German and whoever gets the most wrong by the end gets slapped with the wooden spoon as hard as I fucking can for their ignorance of the German language. I was just thinking should there be an ultimate punish for the loser overall of 40 episodes? But how are you going to like go back and see them all? Come on, Matt. That's going to be too much research. Come on, Matt. Too much. I'll just go through and I'll just calculate how many who won. You've got to go back to all the episodes. If I start now, I'll have six. You are fucking insane. That is fucking insane, Matt Brown. Are you scared to lose? Six is heaps. All right, anyway. Here's number one. Astolf Hitler! Astolf Hitler! Oh, he's putting an act on there. He's not German. You're trying to be German? That's fake German. It is not German. You're both on the board with one. One. Next. Ted Leheisen! He's trying to be Irish, but it's probably German. Yeah, I'm going to say it is German. You are German. Matt. He's German. I wish he kept going back forever. You're both on two. Remember, if you guys get all five correct, I have to get slapped with a spoon. Oh, my God. Work together here. You've got to get five, though. All right, ready? Next one. Number three. We have to guess what it is, too. Oh, yeah, you guys didn't guess the last one. I reckon you're being very, very fucking Irish, but it's probably fucking German. Yeah, I think it's German as well. Fart? This could be a scam, but I'm going to say German. You are correct. We are getting good. Three out of three. And then the last one. Ten Reisen. It means... Which one are you guessing first? Get a job and get out there. Pretty close. I would say in the same category. Which one am I guessing? The recent one? The recent one, first. I hear it again. I'd like a fucking heart. I have heart problems from stress. Nowhere near. Old people fuck hard. Which is pretty much go out there and get a job. Same league because old people have jobs. That one before that. What do you think that means? I have tits on my back. It's like fucking no, Matt. It's not that. God. It's getting out of the horizon. Nearly word for word. Shut up. Listen to it. TIT RIP. Fucking I was way closer. Yeah, I don't know. Look, it's not about that, Matt. You're both wrong. You're both on three all. Moving into number four. It is fucking... You are being... It's German, but you are trying to be Irish. No, that's German. You're too aggressive. I don't think it's German. Fuck, but he does that. He puts that out. You're wrong. It's not German. Give us time. You lock it in. You lock it in. You're both wrong and you can not lock it in. Oh, no. Yeah. All right, final one. It's four all. This is going to get interesting. Shit. Shit. Oh, dude. That's German. That's fucked up. But it probably is. Shit. Oh, no. This one's so hard. What do you think, Mr. Brown? What did you say? I'm not sure yet. You're going to wait for me. You go again. That's a sexy language. I'm going to say it is German. I'm going to say, I guess it has to, I have to say it isn't. It's not German. It's stupid. There's no need for that. A little bit of racism. That's not German though. It is German. That's a German sentence. And it's quite a common one. Very common. I was loving it. That's not German. It's stupid. You're going to hurt me, aren't you? Dude. I wish I wasn't so mean. Would you like to have a go at guessing what that means, Mr. Brown? Oh, shit. Can you just say it again more times? It's the kink of the face that convinced me it was just like retidation. Oh man, I drag my balls along the tiles. You can't win, but do you want to have a go? If that's real, it's like it is real. Slipping over and pissing on your tits fucking hell. That's it. Shut up. If you could score, then you would have got that. It actually means, send your neighbor's piss. That is the same thing. Pretty much. That means I come back and win. That evens it out. You don't get a chance to guess because you didn't get it right. Oh no. And for your mild racism, you will now pay the ultimate prize. I reckon I'll go other arm. Fuck, I'm so over this shit. Dude, hey. Do you think I want to do this, huh? Do you think I want to be banishing you for getting German wrong? Just learn it. Just learn it. Come on, man. You're not in camera. Oh no. Okay. I'm just going to make eye contact with you, Brown. Especially before I teach you for your insolence. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It is burning. That was a bad one. That was a slap too. Okay. And that's, finally enough. That's actually what happens in Germany if you misspeak. Oh my God, it's starting to subside. Oh my God, dude. Oh my God. Okay, let's just move on. I'm good. Oh my God. It's still from last week. I've got one on this arm. Soon we must work on the thighs. Surely you guys have a world record. I'm already fucked on the thigh too. Bruising each other. We used to walk around with a lot more bruises too. Remember the live stream days? Oh, the live stream. I remember one time, we had kick-ons. We're fucking old mate. Yeah, no, the other guy? Yeah, dude. And he looked at me and he was just like, you look like a fucking junkie corp. And he did. He was so skinny and just covered in bruises everywhere. I looked like a leopard. Yeah, you just ate cheese pizzas. One meal a day. One meal a day. Hey? Continue. Yeah, go. I think one of the websites went up on the phone and it stopped recording because I heard it talking to the other one. How long four has it been rolling for? 131. There's a fair bit of cut though. This is about good. This is about good? About good. Hey, hey, hey, hey, podcut, pod, PO unboxing time, if you want to open something on the PO Box segment, we open it live. We don't have a sneaky looking site first there. It's PO Box 256 Taken 401A Queenslander's Trace and it's some weird shit. There's a letter there and then there's one from that guy who doesn't have a dad. Well, should we save one for Saturday? No. We probably won. Matt's cross. He said go the and I'm not going to read the rest because that's a shit football team. What do we have here? He's going to shoot me in public. I've opened this by the way, this little letter and I'm opening it. Dear Marty and Michael, can you give my Croatian friend Andrew Babich a happy birthday shout out on your podcast since his birthday is soon and I want to surprise him on your podcast. Thank you from Anonymous. Andrew Babich. Happy birthday, my friend. Happy birthday, man. We hope you're fine and well and we hope that you get everything you desire in this life and the next. Yeah, happy birthday. Matt? Yeah, happy birthday, dude. Matt's carefully pulling the letter out. This is Matt's argument. I don't like that that's wrapped up like that. It's just an interesting way to wrap it. Here, I'll do it quicker if you want. I've got it, I've got it. Yeah, so this is Matt's arch nemesis if you've just tuned in and he's always sending Matt some hate letters. Can we read a bit of this one out? Here, I'll have a read. Has he jizzed on it again? Yeah, he usually jizzes on his letters. He usually jizzes. I love the lines he draws across to help him write. Yeah, he's such a fucking loser. It's just for you guys. I don't think he's writing to me anymore. He's offended. Wait, what about on the back? I think it continues. Austin and Kath were brothers and sisters. You have to read from the front. I want you to tell you something quickly. Jane Prasad's girlfriend, Kath would use no and their friend Austin. They ran and took the lads out for a week on a road trip and they had 10 minutes to pack or show him in the crew would leave since Kath was home to Jaden's bed and Austin was about to miss out on the road trip. I thought Austin would be home and he'd have sex with Kath. Kath would suck his dick until I found out Austin and Kath were brother and sister. So brother fucking sister and sister sucking brother's dick. None of that happened. I'm not sure. Sick letter. I got a message from Jaden today saying rumors. He just sent me randomly rumors. Let me get that. I sent back stem cell research. Very good. Classic. Alright, it's time for the prank call baby. And this week for our prank call I'm going to be calling a message place that we know does happy endings and I'm going to call as Ronda and accuse them of sucking my husband off. Are we calling the same one last time? Is last time that Margaret called? I can't remember that one. That is very, very of an idea. Oh man. I thought of this one. Michael came up with that great idea as well. Hello. Hello to the podcast prank call. Can you message me the number of a massage place that definitely does happy endings? Oh yeah, sure. Thank you. Yeah. He's got a one speed. Oh. Oh. Floating around. If that doesn't work, I've got a banger for you. Hello massage. It's just, to me, my husband's been seeing you guys for the last six months. Is that correct? My husband's. I just found out. Okay. Come home from work and I found out my husband's been visiting you guys for the last six months or something like that. Oh, we didn't know. Okay. Now, listen, I've raised you guys for the last six months. Okay. You're established. It's been sucking his dirt and been playing with his little flicking, little flicking his little balls. Oh, we didn't know. Okay. I will let you talk to the manager once again. Okay. Listen, I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm It's just stupid. Now he can't even pay for his own rent. I have to pay the rent. Can you believe it. He sells pigs on the size. It's so stupid. If you see him come in again, excuse me, can you do me a favour? Sweatheart. I need to roll down my number my name and call me the second he walks in. Okay, listen to what I'm saying. Okay. If you see Brian, that's his alias name. His real name's Arnold Fine. Okay. They admitted to it. Yeah, what she said? Sorry. Yeah, she's like, we didn't know. I didn't know. That's racist. Fucking hell. Holy shit. I can't believe it. Should you call him back as Arnold Fine and just tell him to ignore her? Yeah, I can once more call back and be like, tell her about now your uncle being stunning. Now I will be Arnold Fine. And I'll say I'm so sorry about that. Yeah. Oh, okay. Arnold Fine's accent is hard to understand. Oh, hello. My name Arnold Fine. This massage, yes? Yeah. Okay. Look, I think maybe five minutes ago, my wife, she called. She very sick. My wife is sick. I call her to say she had too many drinks. Don't worry, she will not call again. She back in bed with the pig. And she sleep off the drinking and she'll be fine in the morning. Yeah. So sorry. Okay, I come back in for my usual on events there. I come back in for usual back massage and cock fiddle cock fiddle. Dude, they're packing up their shop right now. Yeah, they're thinking what the fuck is going on. I've just been called. Dude, we have to do it again. I want to do that again. She'd be thinking every character. She'd be seriously like, fuck, why did I leave fucking toilet and can't she be thinking that already? How do you know she's your toilet? Is it says to tie love racist man says to love massage time massage therapist Matt Brown. Anyway, Mike would like to leave you with these parting thoughts. I can if if you dream at night, this is for you, Matt, you're fucking thinking in different in like a different way. I don't really know what that means, but I can tell that it was profound. It's pretty good. It's not it's all right. But you know what? No, right is us because we're the best. We're the best. We're the best. Your mom might die. Your mom might die. We're the best. We're the best. We're the best. We're the best. We're the best. We're the best. Oh, the best. We're the best. We're the best. Oh, my God. So if she does, now it's your fault. Can we stop that? If she does, dude, everyone's going to die. Yeah, I know. But just this is horrible. Like we're bringing it up now. Dude. Yeah, possibly. We are the best. We are the best. Thank you, Matt. That's better.