 Craft presents The Great Gilder Slave! Craft Cheese Company, who also bring you Bing Crosby every Thursday night present each week at this time, Harold Terry as The Great Gilder Slave, written by Leonard L. Levinson. We'll hear from The Great Gilder Slave in just a moment. But first, let me pass along an economy tip to you housewives. You're trying to hold down the cost of your dinner main dishes. Well, you know macaroni and cheese is a fine, thrifty main dish. But do you know this? With the product called Kraft Dinner, you can make grand macaroni and cheese thriftily and make it in just seven minutes cooking time. You see, every package of thrifty Kraft Dinner contains a special quick cooking macaroni. Also, some Kraft Grated, which lets you sprinkle the cheese goodness through and through the fluffy macaroni. In a jiffy, you have a delicious economical main dish. When you're in the food store, it's smart to buy several packages of Kraft Dinner, for the family will want Kraft Dinner macaroni and cheese often. Tomorrow, ask for Kraft Dinner. And now let's join our friend, The Great Gilder Slave, who's waited through his morning paper and his morning milk and is now struggling through his morning mail. There's nothing but bills. Well, here's a postcard. It says, be thin as a leaf by boiling your beef. From some dietetic advisor? No, Marjorie. It's from the Sultan's Delight, Turkish baths. Well, well, a letter from the manager of my old rubber plant, The Gilder Slave Gertelwerks. What do you know? It's been converted into a factory to repair barrage balloons. That certainly is a big change, isn't it, Uncle? Oh, not much, Leroy. After all, they're still putting blimps into shape again. Or am I stretching things a little? What is he right, Uncle Moore? He says they've made the mistake of inflating a big balloon inside the factory. Jeepers, did it cause any trouble? I'll say it simply raised the roof. Oh, here's what I've been waiting for. It's from the State War Savings Administrator. The pins and the stickers I sent for. Here are your pins, children. Oh, this is cute. Yeah, what's this for, Uncle? Well, I've been investing part of the income from your estate and war bonds and doing the same with my income. Now, we're all full-fledged members of the 10% Club. The 10% Club? What kind of a club is that? Leroy. It's the club that's going to help give the Axis a beating. Look, they sent us stickers to put up in our front window, too. Oh, yes. We're buying at least 10%. Uh-huh. Uncle Moore, do you have two stickers? Sure. I forgot to tell you, we're investing 20%. Well, this tin is certainly what the well-dressed American will wear this summer. See, you've got one left over. Can I have it for my pajamas at night? No, Leroy. That one belongs to Birdie. Her 10% is deducted out of her paycheck each month. Oh, Birdie! Yes, Mr. Gil Sleeve. You want a spot of black coffee? No, Birdie. I've got a spot of red, white, and blue for you. Here's your 10% Club pin. Well, thank you, sir. Don't thank me. Thank Uncle Sam. Or rather, Uncle Sam, thanks you. No need to do that. I'd like to be over there playing the stars and stripes forever on that Hitler's head with a skillet. But if I can, I'm going to use some of my do-for-bomb dumplings to go with his cooked goose. That's the right spirit, Birdie. As I said to Judge Hooker, oh, my goodness, I'm late for the office. Where's my hat? Under your arm, Uncle. Oh, I see. Then where did I put my briefcase? On your head. Oh! And goodbye, everybody. And Birdie, don't forget to take this umbrella stand out of the hall because someday... someday somebody will have a trip over. So long. Oh, poor Uncle Mort. You better remove that stand, Birdie. We wouldn't want him to hurt himself. No, at least not until after Father's Day. What's that got to do with it? Well, Jay, we've bought him a super-duper present on a kind of he's been just like a father to us. Hey, Roy, that was to be a surprise. Oh, I forgot. Now, Birdie, you've got a promise you won't breathe a word about the present for the present. Well, I can't. I don't know what it is. Well, it's just what he's been wanting. A great, big, easy chair. Yes, sir. A green leather club chair. Oh, Marge, now you've given it away. Birdie, you've got to keep this in confidence. Oh, don't you worry. I'm the biggest confidence woman you ever seen. Welcome to Slapperman's Overstuff Furniture Store. And is this store over-fluffed to stuff with furniture? Well, Sam, how are you? Physically, I'm in the pink. Financially, I'm even more so. I'm in the red. Yes. What can I do for you if I'm not being too continental? Oh, really nothing. I just thought I'd drop in and browse around. Oh, go right ahead. Everybody's doing it. Business has been very browsy lately. And if you don't see what you want, just remember, can I help it if my stock is monotonous? I saw a nice display of leather club chairs in the window. That's why I came in, Sam. I was sort of daydreaming, you know, with Father's Day on Sunday. Wouldn't it be nice if I were a father? That's a little short notice. I don't think you can make it. Yeah, I know that, Slips. Marjorie and Leroy are fine children, but isn't it too bad I haven't any children of my own to buy me one of those chairs? I suppose your kids are pretty good to you. Oh, sure. All eight of them. They're so good to me on Father's Day that I'm broke for the rest of the month. You mean they buy you a present and then charge it to you? Oh, no. They buy her the money from me beforehand. Look, guilty. If you had kids, they'd do the same thing. So why don't you pretend you have a son and that you're him and he wants to buy you a nice chair? Come on. Don't be stingy with the boy. Now, don't you go to work on me, Sliperman. I already have a soft spot for that brown leather club chair. Yes, and the vice is versa. What do you mean? That chair has a soft spot for you. It was just made for you. Look, extra wide seat, big soft cushion, heavy legs. Are you describing the chair? I'm not so foolish I shouldn't salt a customer. No, I'm sitting at once. It's free. All right, Sam. That certainly looks cozy. This is like floating in the ocean, only not so wet. How much do you want for this chair? $67.50, and that's my Rocky Bottom price. But Sam, this chair hasn't got a Rocky Bottom. You got me. $65. Oh, no, you can have one of the red ones or a green one for $55. But the brown one costs me more. Why is that? The manufacturer has a whim. Yes. But I don't like green or red chairs. They remind me of traffic signals, and that makes me mad. Okay, guilty old pal, I'll let you have the brown one for $60. Yeah, $60, all right. Send it up to my house tomorrow. If I'm out of say, I just remembered. Is a chair exactly like this one in the window for $60? Sure, guilty. $60 is the ceiling price. And how can I cover my overhead if I don't hit the ceiling? You got me. Hello, Judge Hooker. This is my sister Amelia. Amelia, this is Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve. Oh, I'm glad to know you, Mr. Gildersleeve. Well, this is a pleasure indeed, Miss Hooker. I'm quite surprised to see how attractive your sister is, Judge. The way you always talk, I thought you... By the way, Gildersleeve, I've been meaning to find out when you intend returning that umbrella I loaned you around Christmas time. Yeah, just as soon as you return that copy of no by George Waite. I never borrowed your copy of no by George Waite. I remembered how it wasn't a book. It was an umbrella you borrowed from me, long after I returned yours. I borrowed one from you? You're full of balloon juice. Oh, now, Horace, I'm sure you're mistaken. You keep out of this, Amelia. Yes, you keep... Hooker, don't talk that way to your sister. She's my sister. I'll talk to her any way I please. Not when there's a gentleman around. Maybe not, but until one comes along, I'll talk to her any way I... Are you hinting that I'm no gentleman? I'm hinting that you're a big fat fool. Judge, now you're hinting below the belt. Clearly, Mr. Media, I never expected you to be so attractive, with such an insignificant... And stop making Google eyes at her. I'm not making Google eyes at her. That's just the victimatura in me coming out. And am I glad to get rid of it? Mr. Media, I hope I see you in better company the next time. You better return my umbrella, you deadbeat. Oh, shh, quiet, Horace. My goodness, let that nice Mr. Gildersleeve keep it. You got two umbrellas in the closet downstairs. Oh, no. Oh, yes, one with a gold handle and the other with a broken rib. Oh, great, Scott. What's wrong? That broken one is Gildersleeve's. And the gold handle one is the one I loaned him. Well, Horace Hooker, shame on you. Now, you must do something to make up for the way you've insulted Mr. Gildersleeve. Well, maybe I'll buy him something for his birthday. It's the 21st. The 21st? Well, that's Sunday. Okay, then I'll send him a postal card, special delivery. You do nothing of the sort. Now, you come with me. Where are you going? Over to Obelisk's department store to buy Mr. Gildersleeve a birthday present. I saw the most comfy red-letter club chair in the window this morning. No, but his chair is... Oh, dear, the salesman at Phelps and Fowler's promised they wouldn't deliver it until tomorrow morning. Well, let's hide at some place till then. How about your room, Bertie? My room? Why, it's so small, I have to do my setting up exercise and sitting down. Even have to open the window to throw my chest out. See the chair. Oh, that's not the right one. No, this one's brown. And we bought a green one. Oh, jiggers, Uncle Morse. Dear, what do we do? I'll sit down on the chair, and you chill and sit on me and that'll hide it. Oh, Dottie, we thought you were Uncle Morse. We bought it for Uncle Morse for Father's Day and it came a day too soon. It's the wrong color. I'm just petrified that he'll come home any minute and find it. Well, then look, why don't you bring it over to my house and keep it there until you can change it? Oh, well, thank you, Dottie. I'll phone Phelps and Fowler from there and ask him to bring the green one. Come on, Lee Royless, let's take it out the black chair. That must be your uncle. Now, now you folks hurry. I'm coming. How do I'm from Phelps and Fowler? I got a green leather chair for Mr. Gildersleeve. Man, that's service. I'll sit it right here in the hallway. Okay. Will you sign for it, please? Can I just initial it? Certainly. All right. B-L-C. That stands for Birdie Lee Coggins. I better write that underneath. Now, you hold to the dobson's house next door and pick up that brown chair that was brought over there by mistake. Well, this is the first I've ever heard of them. Uh-oh, here comes trouble. Good afternoon, Birdie. Hello, Mr. Gildersleeve. Excuse me a moment. I'm just going to show this gentleman where the dobsons live. Just walk this way, mister. He couldn't walk the way Birdie does to save his life. Now, what's this blocky dish? Why, it's my chair. Oh, that's Sleperman. I told him I didn't want a green chair. Wait till I get ahold of him. Of all the stupid mistakes, sending me a green chair when I distinctly said hello, is this Sleperman? It ain't your loss. Sam, this is Gildersleeve. You know that brown chair you sold me? Yes. I just arrived home and found it here and it's green. There must be something to say. I'll say it. You better come right over and correct it. Okay, Gildersleeve, I'll be there in three-six of a jiffy. But I can understand it next spring. Great Gildersleeve will be with us again in just a few minutes. Meanwhile, let me tell you, homemakers, how to do a little sleight of hand performance in the kitchen. It's how to make delicious macaroni and cheese with magic speed. You do it with a product called Kraft Dinner. Out of the Kraft Dinner box, take the special Kraft Dinner macaroni and cook it in boiling water not more than seven minutes. Then drain off the water, add a little butter and milk. And with the Kraft grated that also comes in every Kraft Dinner package, sprinkle the cheese flavor through and through. In as little time as it takes you to make the coffee, you have a grand money-saving main dish ready. Macaroni and cheese that the whole family will go for cooked in only seven minutes. It does seem like a sleight of hand trick, doesn't it? Well, get set to do this kitchen magic real soon. Tomorrow, ask your food dealer for Kraft Dinner. Better get several packages because the folks will love Kraft Dinner macaroni and cheese. And now let's return to the great Gildersleeve who's taking a short nap. Completely unaware of the fact that Mr. Schlepperman has come with another brown chair and taken back the green one that Marjorie and Leroy brought for Father's Day. Right now, his niece and nephew are returning from Dottie's house. I sure hope Uncle Mort likes the chair we picked out. Oh, I'm positive that he will. Oh, I can just see him now stretched out on that comfy green leather. Smoking a cigar. And spilling the ashes all over his vest. Why don't we get him an ashtray? Another... Leroy! You see what I see? You mean that brown leather chair? We just got through hauling it over to Dottie's. And then I showed the delivery man take it away. He must have brought it right back here. Well, let's get it back to Dottie's before Uncle Mort sees it. Oh, that's the front doorbell. Come on, brother, out through the kitchen. Pretty, someone's ringing the bell. I'm going to be worn out to a shadow size 42. Judge Hooker? I've got a little surprise for Mr. Gildersleeve. What, you two? Yes, look. You mean that red leather chair? Yes. Now, I don't want you to breathe a word about it to a soul. Who, me? Don't you worry. Long side of me, the sphinx is just another Gracie Allen. Help me carry it in. Let him guess a while. What, Judge Hooker? I wonder what he's saying when he finds out. I know. He'll say, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Yes, sir. Mom's the word for Father's Day. Green chairs, red chairs, brown chairs. Where are we going to put them all? How does she sleep? Yes, a frequent lick. I don't know, but you sure he's turning red. This is Elastro. I told Elastro I'm going to take his green chair back and bring me my brown one. And now it turns out to be red. Give me that telephone. Thank you, Bernie. Do you know anything about this? Ooh, that's just an innocent bad product. I'm going to get to the bottom of this chair business, right down to the seat of the trouble. Or my name isn't... Slaperman's studio fine furniture. Sam Slaperman, sole prop speaking. I'm going to knock that prop out from under his sole. Hello, this is Gildersleeve again. Hello, guilty. Did you find your chair? Yeah, I found the chair all right. Low, wide and handsome, ain't it? Yes, and it's also red. Color is red. I feel the funniest sensation in my ears, as if you said the color is red. That's what I did say. A truckie boy. I personally will deliver to York. This time, I'm going to make sure there's no mistake. I'm going to load this chair on my rumble seat and bring it over to your store. And if I don't get a brown chair this time, I'm going to buy a war bond with the money and sit on that for the next 10 years. Lady, when I took this brown chair back to Phelps and Fowler, the boss told me it ain't our chair at all. Well, then leave it here, mister. Chairs has been floating in and out this house like a flood in a furniture factory. Okay. What we ought to do is give them all to the government. Three chairs for the red, white and blue. Bertie, I just found I made a mistake. Mr. Gillersley's birthday is July 21st, not June 21st. Yeah, but you need to rush back to tell me. I knew that all the time. No, no, I came back to get that chair. I'll just take it home and keep it there for a month. Well, you might as well, because chairs is the mostest thing we got plenty of. Thanks. Now, remember, we're still going to keep it all secret. Don't worry. I'll zip my lip. Okay, so I won't run into Gillersley. Funny, I guess my eyesight isn't as good as it used to be. I'd swear this leather looks a lot more brown than it does red. It's guilty. I still insist that this is the third brown leather chair I'm bringing into this house today. But what about the green one and the red one? They ain't mine. That's why I brought them along in the back of the trunk. You can have them. No, thanks. All I want is the brown one you sold me. Help me carry it in the house, Sam. All right. Follow me. I know the way blindfolded already. Just look at that leather. It comes from only the most contented cars. I suppose the springs are very helpful, too. Careful going around the umbrella stand, Guilty. Yeah, I know. I've been here before. All right, you can set it down now, Sam. See? I'm a little tired. And why not? It's pretty hot for July, isn't it? It's still June, Sleperman. I know it, but it's even hot for July. Yes. You care for a bottle of root beer? I don't mind if you'll be so kindly. Yeah, come on in the kitchen. We'll get it ourselves. It seems as though... Oh, for Pete's sake, how did that brown chair get back in here again? I bet that old duddy hasn't sensed enough to leave it over at her house. Well, it's never for me to... Those red and green chairs are not mine. But Guilty, what happened to the two other brown ones? I don't know. You can see for yourself that I've only got that... Where's the chair we brought in here just now? It's with you drinking root beer, remember? That's right. Let's look around. It couldn't have walked off, could it? I don't know. Maybe it was a discontented cow after all. By George, I've heard of disappearing beds and fading wallpaper. But this is the first time I've ever seen a vanishing club chair. I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes. And now that I don't see it, I still don't believe it. It's nowhere around here. There's only one thing to do. Hand me that telephone. There you are. What are you going to do? Call the police. A good idea. The lowlife who did this should get the chair. Should. He did. They're playing clothesmen now. And then I'm in no hurry. Headquarters? Yes. Which one of you chances is Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve? I'll find detective him, of course. Oh. Well, I'm Lieutenant Miller of the burglary squad. I was on my way to the station when I got a radio call to stop here. What's the trouble? The great big leather chairs. They do tricks. Tricks? What kind of tricks? They keep changing colors. Rushing in and out of here. Disappearing into thin air. Yeah, look, mister, you don't need a detective. You need glasses. Oh, no, no. He's had a couple of glasses already. Lieutenant, you don't understand. If somebody stole a chair right from under our noses while our backs were turned. Sounds impossible. Maybe. But this is a case where the truth is more than fixin' strings, eh? Can you describe this chair? Let me see. It had a zoot seat. With a sack back. And a stuffed tuck. And it sold for 60 bucks. A material size. It was a brown leather club chair. The same size as me. A 48 stub. Well, if someone walked out with it, we shouldn't have any trouble tracing it. Have you asked the neighbors if they saw anything suspicious? Oh, no, no, I haven't. Well, suppose we try a few. All right, we'll ask the neighbors. Let's start with adoption's next door, huh? Say, guilty, this is exciting. Don't you feel just like the tin men? No, I guess you don't. Do you think we should look for a footprints lieutenant? You mean on the sidewalk? What do you think this is? Grohlman's Chinese? My, my, my, he's a regular salary queen. And I'll remember. You know you let me do the questioning. This is Lieutenant Miller from the police department. And Mr. Slipperman. From the furniture department. Have a guard. We're investigating a chair which disappeared from our house. Oh, well, do you mean it looks like a... It looks exactly like both of those brown chairs in your hallway. Talk one at a time, my father's day. Why didn't you just get him a necktie? How do you like that? Trying to ruin the finance of business. Chair, now, won't you birdie? No, ma'am. I'm a stupid. Why George, you're right. There's the people who've had it. Judge Hooker, what are you doing? Oh, I was trying to keep it a secret, guilty. I took the wrong chair. Oh, at last. The confession is... Who's confessing to what? I just made a mistake. That's all. Yes, Judge. A fatal mistake. When you stole that chair, you dragged yourself off the bench. You don't understand. I bought you a chair for your birthday. Oh, likely, story. My birthday is a month off, and you're too cheap to return an umbrella. Well, alone buy me an expensive present. Officer, arrest that man. If you do, I'll sue you for false arrest, illegal incarceration, malicious persecution, criminal liability slander, and... Well, you'll be sorry. All the chairs and slippermen struck. I'm gonna haul all the evidence and all the witnesses down to headquarters. A slipperman? Did you hear what the lieutenant told us to do? Sure, it's easy. I've already got the red and green ones on. Also the two brown ones from Ms. Daddy's house. All I got to do is lift up the one that Judge lifted. And we're ready to go. Oh, say, Mr. Gillislave. Huh? Oh, yes, you're a gust, the lieutenant's partner, aren't you? Yeah, yeah, that's right. If he's gonna take you all down in a squad car, I better take the truck and drive the evidence down to headquarters. That's an excellent idea. A slipperman to give the officer your keys. All right, be careful with the clots. It grabs. I'll watch it. Well, certainly be glad when we can get this all unraveled. And I can find a seat I can call my own. You said it, guilty boy. This has been a most hectic day. Yeah. Oh, well, here comes the lieutenant and hooker now. Well, Mr. Gillislave, I just had a little talk with the chief. He says for the lieutenant to forget the whole matter. So all you people get in a huddle and divide up those chairs among you. Say, where's Gus? You mean your partner? He drove the truck to the chairs down to police headquarters. My partner, that wasn't my partner. That was Gus Burns, a crook that I was taking to jail. But, lieutenant, what I can't understand is that you letting that chair snatcher sit in that squad car unguarded. Well, I had him handcuffed to the wheel. I can't imagine how he got away. Did he ask anyone here to give him a key or a file? No, sir, the only thing the man asked me for was a hairpin. Good night, folks. Thank you for joining this program as composed and conducted by William Randall. This is Jim Vannan, speaking for the Kraft Cheese Company. I'm inviting you to tune in again next week at the same time for the further adventures of The Great Gillislave. This program has reached you from Hollywood. This is the national broadcasting company.