 Well, hello and welcome to understand men now. I'm Jonathan assay of Jonathan assay.com And I'm so excited to be doing this live stream for you today our topic our modern Relationships dysfunctional fragile and underrated Well, we'll find out about that. All right really quickly if you're brand new to my YouTube channel Please hit the subscribe button hit the bell so you can be notified of new videos And if any time during this video the content resonates with you Please hit that like button so I can be seen in the YouTube algorithms really quickly my coaching is what I call heart Centered radical honesty. It's direct a little tough love tough love and a lot of heart and occasion I use expletives to enhance the sentence so if an F-bomb or two isn't your cup of tea I suggest logging off right now Lastly, these are my thoughts my perceptions my opinions by no means do I suggest this is the truth? You have to decide the truth for yourself. I'm a bit of a contrarian So my advice goes contrary to public opinion and traditional Expectations and one more thing. I'm here to talk about partnership. I'm not interested in casual relationships friends with benefits Situationships polyamory and all the other gamut. So when I'm speaking I'm thinking of partnership when I talk about what I share in my videos All right really quickly before we get started I've got an exciting announcement to share as of today. I've launched a new podcast with a partner a male friend of mine Tripp Kramer the podcast is called relationships are underrated. Oops. I wonder if you can see that Relationships are underrated. It's at Apple and Spotify and it'd be truly grateful if you went there Listen to the podcast and if you love it, please give it a five-star Review and also, please write a review as well Relationships underrated and I'll host I'll post a link when this broadcast is over so you can get to Apple and all that good stuff All right, so why am I talking about? Relationships are dysfunctional Fragile and underrated kind of interesting that our podcast is about underrated Relationships and I think it's because the vast majority of human beings are rather dysfunctional I'm repeat that the vast majority of human beings are rather dysfunctional and have weak Relationship skills and if you've been on my channel, I talk about this frequently In fact, I might you might have heard recently that I recorded up a Livestream last week that got interrupted. Well, by the way, the power went out while I was recording my Friday livestream The power went out the internet went out. So I got disconnected. I Did a follow-up by the way the follow-up I did a part two on it the following day What was interesting is while I was sharing my experiences about men and women alike I I I tend to yell I tend to be very passionate I'm sometimes it might even feel like I'm yelling at you personally as if I'm I'm putting women down That's the way it was Some people perceive it. In fact, I ended up getting a very nasty voice message on my business line from a woman who felt that I was misogynistic that I put women down that I must hate women and She called me every F word under the planet. I mean this voice message went on for two minutes She called me an asshole. She kept saying I'm not qualified to do what I'm doing And I was and by the way I want to address a few of those things for a moment because this really illustrates why Relationships are dysfunctional fragile and underrated because first and foremost. I want to be candid with you all I yell for one primary reason. I can't stand Delusional thinking I can't stand Hypocrisy and I can't stand victim consciousness. I'll be candid with you. I am rather annoyed by delusional thinking Hypocrisy and victim consciousness now if I'm being very candid with you It's because I hate it within myself I hate that within myself So my my anger my my my fuel my my voice that comes out is really a looking me I'm looking in the mirror and saying these are the things. I don't like about myself And yet sadly I witnessed this from human beings day after day after day being a dating a relationship coach for women By the way, when I talk about delusional Hypocrisy and victim consciousness. I'm talking about men and women alike I repeat that I'm talking about men and women alike. So if it seems like I'm Misogynist towards women, that's the furthest thing from the truth My hatred is those things that I can't stand out in the world and I have to admit It's those things I don't like within myself So I have to acknowledge that and and I will say that This message really did affect me. It was a very nasty message and what I also recognize is hurt people Hurt other people. I'm gonna repeat that hurt people. Let me re-friend that want to hurt other people So can you see and by the way? She is merely one example of a voice of many people out there who are truly hurting There is a significant Populate percentage of the population out there that is hurting on the inside as I said before Because they have weak emotional skills and weak relationship skills And if you're not familiar with my emotional maturity relationship skills chart By the way, this says it's not a fact in its opinion I believe 20 of the population has clinical issues real clinical issues And while there may be they're able to be in a relationship Doesn't mean that it's a healthy happy relationship. And while I state here 20 of the population is healthy I'm being ridiculously generous the vast majority of humans are dysfunctional Now this is merely my perception of the way I see the world However, let's think about this for a moment. It totally relates to this topic When we have a 50% divorce rate here in the united states for first marriages a 65% divorce rate for second marriages and a 75% divorce rate of third marriages And this doesn't include how many people have relationship after relationship after relationship that never goes anywhere Can you see why I might think that human beings have terrible relationship skills? And yet here's the delusional piece This is what's happening. Everybody's pointing the finger at someone else They're pointing the finger at someone else ladies You point the finger at the men the men point the finger at women Men's biggest complaint is all the women all they want are the highest most successful good-looking men And women complain that Men are narcissistic and all they care about is being with the most attractive woman. That's the biggest complaint Do you know when couples go to couples therapy oftentimes? It's the couple They're doing this they're pointing the finger fix my partner and the other person saying fix my partner Instead of looking inside and saying what can I do to heal within myself? So when I shared earlier that I yell I have to look at that piece that's angry at myself I have to remind myself the most important thing when this happens Whether I get yelled at by someone and get cursed at or whether I yell and curse at myself Which I do habitually. It's not healthy. I have to remind myself to love myself When I wrote my book what the heck is self love anyway a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work I have to remind myself and I share it's an invitation for y'all to do the same y'all Is to genuinely forgive oneself And so to this woman who berated me yelled cursed at me I recognize she's hurting so I sent her a lot of love I can't imagine what it must be like to be in that much pain that you have to yell at another human being Because you didn't like what they said not only yell but to call them a motherfucker to call them an asshole to call them a jackass and to discredit my work By the way, I have over 20 000 hours of coaching under my belt. I have over 3000 hours of personal development workshops trainings books seminars that I've gone to I have a neuro linguistic programming certificate, which was a two-week program I went through Intense program and the list goes and I was in relationship with a therapist for six years talk about psychotherapy for six years I don't share this to impress you. I just want to impress upon you that i'm not I'm not selling bullshit dating advice like this book the book the rules See the book the rules is all gender-based Bullshit narratives of how many women are supposed to be I'm going to repeat that bullshit gender-based narratives how men and women are supposed to be It's not coming from a heart-centered place. It's coming from an egoic place of Get to get rather than to come from a place of giving. This is why I continually recommend the book if the Buddha dated if the Buddha dated By the way, someone complained at me because I I mentioned the words by the way frequently Let me ask anyone here You try to shoot videos once a day and see if you might not have patterns that you repeat over and over again So let me come back to this by the way if the book the Buddha dated It throws out the bullshit gender rhetoric and says how can we connect with each other at a heart-centered level? men and women alike And you know, it's fascinating to me women are now reaching out to me saying Their boyfriend is reading the books. I recommend and it's making a difference in our relationship because the reason why Why are modern relationships dysfunctional fragile and underrated? It's because human beings do very little work to heal themselves They end very little work at understanding the mechanics of a healthy happy relationship But Jonathan all I'm supposed to do is sit back in my feminine energy and let the man lead the process and let him claim me really Folks if you don't understand the mechanics to a healthy happy relationship It doesn't matter if the because if the wrong man keeps claiming you and by the way claiming is something we do for property Okay I know it sounds romantic. It's the pride and prejudice. We're going to be claimed by Darcy I'm like this is bullshit rhetoric Folks the dating process. Excuse me. The mating process is becoming habitually more complicated because of these devices These devices it's becoming progressively harder and harder to harder to really Connect at a heart-centered level. This is why I invite you all to start reading the books I recommend and ladies before the penis goes inside the vagina You should be reading the book eight dates by doctors john and jolly gotman And by the way a follow-up book that I've been recommending lately is seven principles to making a marriage work I don't care if you're married or not if you don't understand. Listen If you don't understand the mechanics to a healthy happy relationship Then what's the point of being out there trying to attract a mate? Because the fantasy the delusional thinking is that magic fairy dust is going to make it all work out because you've been indoctrinated in this belief that chemistry equals relationship success if you're not familiar with my relationship iceberg Look at the first thing we see based on attraction is chemistry But compatibility is shared values blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity. Do you see that? By the way, I want to thank georgey for making this chart for me because folks This delusional thinking that somehow love is going to solve the problems That if you love each other you're going to make relationship works think of every couple that got married And half of them. I mean this grand marriage. I gave my love a cherry which had no stones the line from Animal house, but I mean it's like this delusional thinking that love actually solves relationship problems And there's another delusional thinking that relationships are easy No They take effort it takes emotional effort to heal the childhood wounds and traumas and the adult traumas that cause Negative patterns and limiting beliefs in one life and yet I want to share something with you Yesterday I went to a birthday party with my what I call my spiritual community and I've got some good news to share It's a group of roughly about a hundred people in our community I caught my spiritual community But the way I was indoctrinated into it it started as a woman's group That uh wanted to empower each other and then they started to do camps with the men and basically these camps are group therapy meets pajama party meets cocktail party for about a 36 hours, which is like, you know Spending the night and sleeping bags on someone's floor as well for about 20 people at a time 15 to 20 people at a time And if you're coupled you get to work on your stuff together. That's what I love about our community But I'm there's roughly about 40 couples out of the 100 people there So there's about 80 of those that are made it And these are strong confident women that are in charge They are the leaders of the relationship and what I mean by they're the emotional leaders of the relationship And these men are I mean Conscientious kind we have doctors. We have lawyers. We have musicians. We have a variety of different people in the group and Myself included I'm of the of the single camp in the group Um happens to be more single women than the men in the group I happen to be one of two I think of the single men and I share this because I witness these men who are able to be vulnerable Authentic and transparent. There are men out there that can lean into this. They just need a guide That's why this whole bullshit gender rhetoric that men are the leaders of the relationship Folks, you're giving the job to the wrong person. You are in charge of your relationship destiny And yet so many of you women give your power away to men And I get why because you've been indoctrinated in this over and over and over again Especially this one up one down type of relationships that have been sold to women Habitually and it's no wonder You're feeling so much frustration because the average guy is winging it out there. He's winging it. He has no fucking clue But the minute you introduce some of this work to that good hearted that kind hearted that Conscientious man. He's gonna say thank you. Thank you. Thank you And even if he's not ready for a fully committed relationship you helped him on his path So can you tell my yelling is passion my yelling is because I'm your big brother If I could be there for you on a first date I'd have the shotgun pointed at the guy's face and say what are your intentions with my little sister But I can't be there for you. You have to do this for yourself. You have you don't have to do anything I invite you to take charge of your relationship destiny and don't leave it up to a man But it starts by taking charge of your own destiny within oneself To heal oneself. This is why I continually recommend the book The Hoffman process the Hoffman process This is a deep dive into healing childhood wounds and traumas. By the way, there's a link below to get all my recommended books By the way, if you want help learning how to vet emotionally mature men Then check out the link to a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you That's my area of expertise as a coach. Why do you want it? What's the definition of insanity doing the same things over and over again expecting different results This is why I like to think my channel is different than all the That you hear out there It's a lot of the same bullshit rhetoric that comes from this book And by the way, you are all queens and you deserve to be in a happy relationship because you are the prize I can't stand that rhetoric too because you know why human beings are the prize Not the individual Because i'm here to say most humans operate from a place women as much as men operate from a place of taking and not giving And it's no wonder it's delusional fragile and underrated so What's so what I want to lean into for this last minute or two before I take on questions And that is look at most humans are looking to spend time with someone Instead of growing with someone let me repeat that spending time versus growing my hair is messed up And what I mean by that is Most men and women are seeking companionship connection and copulation But what's missing is genuine commitment and you ladies are afraid to speak up. You're like this You're afraid to ask for what you want and I'm here to say you've got to take charge Because if it's sincere and from the heart you can't say the wrong thing to the right person Because ultimately commitment is about trust and trust is not just about fidelity trust is Can I count on this person to be there for me when I need them? Can I count on this person to care about my feelings as much as I care about my own feelings? That's what you should be striving for and if you need help read the books. I recommend these are great books And remember from a dating perspective. We are meeting total strangers What is this book called talking to strangers by Malcolm Gladwell when you're meeting total strangers? You have to do way more vetting And be careful of the love bomber the guy that comes on strong Or tries to give you some unique selling proposition and why he's different from someone else That's all designed to get you into the bed Not to your heart So men of the gas women of the brakes Does that make sense? Is this resonating with you? Please let me know hit that like button Post a comment. Let me know. This is resonating with you So the solution to all this It's going to require doing some heavy lifting Learn about what it takes to be in a healthy happy relationship And then you can become a magnetic attractor for that and I invite you to create a prayer for yourself Dear god universe spirit I am doing and I have done the inner work to attract in A juicy delicious healthy relationship in my life And I allow and I invite you to just allow that person to come in my vortex Whether it's through an online dating site whether it's bumping into them at a coffee shop Whether it's bumping into them at a grocery store or even being fixed up by a friend universe god universe spirit or Gus I just allow this to come in. I'm open and receptive to love and I will continue to do the inner work so I can be Capable of a juicy delicious healthy happy relationship and I invite that in right now Ah Who's going to say that prayer or a version of that for themselves? I invite you to write a prayer for yourself to manifest that into your life Are you with me? Can you give me an amen and excuse my armpit stains? All right, I think this will be a good place to start uh for our q&a portion Um really quickly uh before we take questions. I want to thank um First off before we take questions I'd like if you have a question write the word question or post the question there after Or if you have a personal question for me write personal question And then write the question thereafter or you can purchase a super sticker super chat All the monies from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son connor asley That's him right there He's my son who passed away a few years ago and in his honor All the monies from the super sticker super fund which we've collected close to three thousand gets donated To the hoffman process to insight seminars and to help defray the cost of personal development for those who are in need So again, there's a little dollar sign there. This is only for those watching the live stream live right now in the chat box There's a dollar sign Or just a super sticker super chat in connor's name. I thank you so much Again, just as a reminder you can ask me a personal question as well and I want to first thank robin I want to show my support. Thank you for your work robin. Thank you for the six dollar ninety nine cents super sticker I really appreciate it All right, well, we're gonna take questions Uh, whenever someone posts a question I will oh and someone says happy hair cuts. I got my haircut last week So thank you so much Let's see Oh debra says I think you're very wise you made sense You made me realize some things about myself. I had never thought about before I need to become stronger person mature emotionally and become a better communicator I want to give you a big amen and a big gigantic jonathan bear hug Holly says I definitely agree with you jonathan. Thank you so much Uh, I see that rihanna who cares about those nuts out there. You're in the public eye. That's gonna happen to you You know I think it's one of the reasons why oh here we go. Oh isabel. I want to thank you for the dollar a dollar eleven one eleven Uh super sticker. Thank you so much. I want to thank cathleen for the super sticker Oh heather for the ten dollar super sticker and I want to thank cathleen for the super sticker Uh, heather says I don't always agree with you but you're speaking from your heart So instead of disagreement becoming a battle it opens lines of communication Folks I understand you might not agree with by the way. Thank you heather. I appreciate it I understand you might not agree with all what I say. I say that right in the beginning of the podcast I am the challenge with recording this is it's not a dialogue. So sometimes what I say Comes across a certain way I do like to think that most of the time I make sense and there's going to be sometimes where it just has It friction for you It's okay folks. This is the problem in the world. We live in today. God forbid someone said not heather I'm not suggesting this about you God forbid somebody says something just a little different than what we don't like and all of a sudden we want to cancel that person Or suggest that they're not compassionate kind and consider it This is how fucked up the world has become and you wonder why it's such a shit show In the dating mating or relating realm because everybody is too fucking sensitive Okay, I'm gonna hold it because I want to go off a little bit. I don't hold it in All right. I think you get the gist of where I'm going. So thank you so much All right. I saw a personal question from kimberley Could you please tell me a bit about yourself and your history in your career? All right kimberley? Thank you for that question. So folks um after turning 40 and going through a divorce back in 2005 ish um I found myself back out in the dating realm and I started online dating and I thought oh You just simply plug in exactly what you want and someone would magically appear And I'll never forget my first internet date. This was before smartphones Uh, where is my phone by the way? There it is before smartphones. Um, I met a great woman had a great date, but something wasn't right And a few days, you know nice woman great date something wasn't right a few days later I met out with another woman nice woman great date something wasn't right went out again and again And this happened a hundred first dates in my first year after my divorce Um, by the way, my mug says salty vibes and anyone knows connor's nickname is salty so um So after a hundred dates, I realized, you know, the something wasn't right was me So I started to read books about relationships But in the meantime, I was addicted to online dating and I was conversing to Tons of women not necessarily meeting them just talking to them and I found myself A lot of women were asking me advice about men and their profiles and how to make it better So I dated an internet marketing woman some years later And I thought why not just throw up a cheesy website to teach women how to improve their dating profiles And at the time, um, I had previously lost my quarter million dollar year job at the time I was going through a divorce I was in depression and online dating and helping women improve their profiles was my drug of choice I had no idea it was going to evolve to where I'm at today Again, I shared earlier. I have over 20 000 hours of coaching at this point in my life I have over 3 000 hours of personal development workshops trainings books videos Neuro linguistic programming certificate and I was in relationship with a therapist for six years So I literally had psychotherapy on myself for six years on and off for six years um, and then I've evolved into When my son Connor passed away I wanted to do a deeper dive on what did it mean to love? What does it mean to really love oneself? So when I wrote my book Where is my book? What the heck is self-love anyway a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work? I wanted to invite human beings to start looking inward Instead of outward a lot of even my own dating advice was a lot of the bullshit rhetoric out there And I realized especially after reading the book if the Buddha dated I realized that the real missing piece in all this is loving on oneself And what I mean by loving oneself is self-worth self-reliance self-esteem self-compassion All the beautiful self-words words not from a selfish narcissistic way from an empowerment way And I only coach women I do sometimes coach men and I believe me men are jackasses out there I get it ladies, but you're no picnic either a lot of you are a big gigantic pain in the butt out there So I coach women because I do believe women are the containers for a healthy happy relationship You're the directors of a relationship. They say men are the head and you're the neck You're the neck you make it turn around So this is why I coach women and that gives you a brief insight into how I got into this But what matters most to me is individual empowerment Because through empowerment you can attract a really good partner in your life And that's my that's my belief system and I'm sticking to it. So Kimberly, thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it Hey, I want to thank jenny for the super sticker. We're gonna. Oh jenny. Thank you so much for the super sticker I really appreciate it. I want to thank the real one. Is that 99 dollars or is that 99 pesos? Thank you so much I appreciate that All right, let's keep going here. We got questions that need to be answered leah Says question How patient should I be with a man who's been married 36 years and divorced for two? Said he wants to go slow and develop a friendship first I'm all in favor of developing a friendship But when a man says I want to take it slow, it's because he has doubts about you or doubts about himself I repeat that when a man says I want to take it slow. It's either he has doubts about you or doubts about himself And sure you can develop a friendship all you want, but Folks, what's the point of being a relationship if you're not going to fuck each other? I mean, I'm sorry. I'm being that graphic so why not Why not take it? Why don't read this book together eight dates? Before you choose to invest in this guy read it together and say, you know what if we decide we want to explore a relationship And let's do it after we've done this because By the way, he has a valid reason for wanting to take it slow after 36 years But folks, let me just say this Get busy living or get busy dying What movie is that from post a comment below what movies get busy living or get busy dying at our age We don't have time to fuck around waiting for someone to catch up Choose people who have already caught up is my opinion um And and and if before you ever have sex with a guy make him jump anyone who starts off by saying I'm not ready. I'm not sure I want he didn't say this but I'm gonna assume I'm not sure if I want a relationship. So I want to take it slow Then guess what your your penis doesn't get to go in my vagina until you actually know what you want Okay, ladies. It's your job to interrogate the motherfucker So um So anyway, that's my opinion, you know what first off I I'm a full believer in developing friendship That goes without saying but it's you got to have a spark and you have to have a desire to You got to decide what is it you want folks? You know me I always share about what I want I'm looking for a relationship where we spend three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities Hobbies mutual interest spending time with family and friends traveling together teamwork building skills both in our personal and our professional lives Uh intimacy both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to either getting married or moving in together Know what you want and then operate from that premise and if he can't go there Then you say bye. Bye All right. I hope that helps lia. Thank you so much All right. Oh Brescia says What is your opinion about a guy in another country saying I love you and asking you to be his girlfriend and that he He told his mom about you in less than three weeks of meeting you You know folks. I love you means this to me I'm here You matter. We're important. I've got your back I'm not going anywhere and I only want you To me love is not being there for the good times love is being there for the not so good times Will he be there for you to wipe the vomit from your face if you're going through chemotherapy? I think people say the words. I love you very Immaturally very I'm by the way. I'm bothered by the way my hair looks over here You know I'm I'm god, that's me being Vain right there my vanity um I'm bothered by people That say I love you before they've actually earned it That's bullshit. I mean I they might be feeling limerence or lust. Do me a favor lia labrescia look up limerence or lust Because I don't believe and love at first sight I believe in limerence or lust at first sight because love is something that's built over time Do you trust this man? Would you give this man a hundred thousand dollars cash right now? By the way, I hope to god you don't because that would be the stupidest thing on the planet Trust takes time to build Trust is do I know this person genuinely has my back and until that is is really Prevalent then people shouldn't be saying the words. I love you until it's been earned. I'm sorry I'm yelling at you, but I'm here to say I don't buy that bullshit for someone. You've only known three weeks All right, that's my two cents take it for what it's worth. Thank you labrescia. I appreciate it all right The real alice's question If a nice guy has nice wait if a guy has nice photos by the way folks I'm a little dyslexic so I do read things That's where I made a mistake last week I'm totally misread someone's question and I totally jones. It's because I'm dyslexic Okay question if a guy has nice photos on the dating app, but writes nothing or very little on his bio Would that be a swipe right? I haven't swiped right on a single guy That's I find it strange that you haven't swiped right on a single guy So with the millions of people out there. I'm a little surprised at that Is it a red flag? You know what? You don't know enough information yet. You don't know enough information yet So swipe and see what happens and if all he says is high Then you write high back and then when it goes nowhere You can delete them because it's not going to go anywhere because humans are so ridiculously In a lot of human beings are incapable of going to a level of depth to a level of depth It's one of the reasons why I'm I get so riled up because I'm I'm really disappointed the lack of depth within human beings When it comes to dating mating relating. I want to read you a meme that I love folks I love small talk. I want to talk about adam's death alien sex magic intellect the meaning of life faraway galaxies Music that makes you feel different memories the lies you've told um Lies you told your flaws your favorite sense your childhood what What keeps you up at night? Uh your insecurities and fears. I like people with depth who speak with a twisted mind. I don't know. I don't want to know What's up? You know most people dating it's like this. How's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day. Tell me about your day. I'd like to hear about your day Hope you had a blessed day This is this is this is I'm sorry. I'm I I can't stand mediocrity But then I it's because I don't like the mediocre places within myself So I have to at least acknowledge that my frustration is really the frustration I have with myself And I yell about it because I want to draw attention to human beings that do the same thing Don't be mediocre stand out from the crowd So this guy swiped and when it goes nowhere, then you're back to square zero I'm sorry about that alice, but that's my two cents on what's most likely going to happen. Thank you so much And thank you again for that super sticker. I really appreciate it Uh, all right It's salty in here in a good way. Yes, it is. Thank you, Jenny. My sweet, Jenny Uh, Isabel Rose, please answer me. I don't know what your question is. I didn't see it. Um All right I I read your question. I don't think I'm qualified to answer that question. So I'm sorry about that I don't think I'm qualified to answer that question. All right, Trudy has a personal question for me If you don't like ketchup and mustard, does that mean you don't like barbecue sauce either I love barbecue sauce. I just don't okay. So folks I don't like ketchup mayonnaise mustard and relish are my primary four condiments. I can't stand I love salsa. I love barbecue sauce I love guacamole if that's a condiment or not, but I just can't stand that Oh my god, it's it's the grossest thing that comes out of a bottle is mustard to me That's so that that mustard is grotesque now great poupon Is a little bit more quality so I can handle a little dab of that but everything else gross me out But yes, I love barbecue sauce very much. I had some yesterday Thank you for asking Trudy Question How long do you think people over 40 who are who were married before should date before they get? Wait before they move in together get engaged or get married so I think it takes a good 12 months to get to know a person and probably another For some people that could be enough, but I think it takes a good 12 months to genuinely get to know Get to know another person if there is a A regular investment if you're spending three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities hobbies mutual interest spending time with Family and friends traveling together teamwork building skills both in your personal and your professional life Intimacy both physical and emotional intimacy. I think if you're spending that much time together Within 12 months, you should have a good sense of whether or not This is a person you want to either move in together or get married with Now does that mean you get married right the next day? No, but I would say You shouldn't have a good sense within 12 months If you're conscious and aware the problem is most of you human beings are rather Delusional fragile and you treat relationships underrated. So guess what garbage in garbage out So if it's a if your relationship is a weak foundation relationship Then it's never going to Well, it's rare that it's going to build the foundation If you don't create the if you excuse me the walls and the roof and everything if you don't build the foundation So but my opinion should take about a good year to get a sense if you want to move forward with the person Especially if you're over 40 category, but here's the thing If you had trauma in your last relationship That person needs to heal before they ever actually lean into a new relationship ladies You continually accept dysfunctional men to be in relationship with him hoping I'm hoping magic fairy does if I show him how wonderful I am. He'll want to love me Folks that's delusional thinking. This is why modern relationships are delusional fragile and underrated Because ladies you have delusional thinking and men have no thinking I'm talking most people not all there's always the exception to the role Becca, thank you so much for that question. I appreciate it Mary Ann says personal question. Do you see yourself doing seminars and traveling the united states? Hey, anyone who wants to host me. I will happily speak at their event. Just cover my airfare I do like to travel first class and my hotel and I will do the speaking for free Couple my expenses and I will travel to you. Thank you so much for that question All right. M says Question I'm 41 and have been separated from my husband since July 2019 I feel afraid to get a divorce Do you have any advice for me to get over my fear of divorcing my husband and moving on? You know what? I'd rather you go to a therapist on that one. I'm a dating relationship coach and my area of expertise But you know what actually, you know what read this book Breaking the habit of being yourself. Joe dispensa. You know what? That's a perfect book for you to read That's my recommendation to you breaking the habit of being yourself. Read this book Get started with that and then see how you feel about the question All right. Great question. Thank you so much and sherry is corrected with shashank redemption get busy living or get busy dying Correct All right. I'm going to save the balance any personal questions you want to ask me Um, what about mustard powder you can mix in water sounds gross just the idea of it Uh All right Kelly says please heal. Don't beat set. Don't beat settlers if you hold yourself to high standards He needs to meet or exceed same standards. No exception worth it or not is what I tell my boyfriend when he gets pissy. There you go all right Question jonathan, have you ever thought about becoming ordained to marry people by chance? Well, interestingly enough, I am going to become an ordained minister and I'm actually performing a ceremony in about A month and a half to my dear friend max and his, uh, fiance, megan He's 36. I believe she's 29 or 30 and I will be Uh performing the ceremony. So the answer is yes All right, lia asked do you have a good relationship with your ex-wife? You know, I think when we lost connor So for those who don't know I lost my 19 year old son connor. That's a picture of him right there and um I think that Brought us closer together in a way I could never imagine. I don't consider her my friend per se, but We are the only two people on the planet That feel this particular pain his brother feels that's his brother right there That's calling his brother feels a pain in a different way because he doesn't have a brother in his life but we don't have our child so We have a pretty amicable relationship because of it. Um Sometimes we just call each other just to share stories about connor Um Sometimes we end up talking for two hours, you know, just sharing we go through the pain of it all We go through the stories. We we we text each other pictures. Um, the other day I texted her a picture of connor I'll share this with you all just because I think it was kind of cute but I found a random picture of connor and That's him right there. This is all of us connor sleeping on the couch Me sleeping on the couch his brother at the other in the couch This is a typical father's day. I'm not the father's day, but I was in charge of the kids And she just wrote me back. That was funny. So yes, I I'm I'm I'm sad that it took this Circumstance to bring us closer together and at the same time. I'm grateful that we have a very amicable Relationship. So thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it Liam All right Let's keep swimming Sunny says that's beautiful you and your ex can have that relationship after losing a child. I'm very blessed in that way Becky, thank you so much for that. I appreciate it All right, you know what folks, I think this will be a good place to wrap up for today uh What would you tell someone that equates great sex together with real connection? I'd say they don't know much about relationships Great sex is not an indicator of relationship success All right, this will be there's another personal question question. What's your favorite song and you can play any Instruments folks. This has been asked of me before first off. I cannot play any instruments a little bit guitar my favorite song But I'm I'm Sometimes you start feeling so lost and lonely Then you find it's all been in your mind All right, I cannot sing with any tone. My favorite song is by Joe Jackson and the title is you can't get what you want till you know what you want Some I want to repeat that again. Sometimes you start feeling so lost and lonely Then you find it's all been in your mind folks We have the power within ourselves To attract the most amazing relationship in our life and that's the relationship we have with ourselves The relationship we have with ourselves because whether you're mated or not the one relationship you have for the rest of your lifetime Till the second till the the moment you die is the relationship you have with yourself so I invite you all To find that beautiful juicy delicious relationship within yourself because whether you find that mate or not It doesn't matter when you can genuinely love on yourself appreciate yourself be grateful To sit in here appreciation of oneself Not from a selfish narcissistic way, but from that beautiful heart centered way From that self loving way my book what the heck is self love anyway I invite you all to find that relationship within yourself So you can actually become a magnetic attractor for a beautiful relationship in your life Are you with me? If you are give me a thumbs up. Give me an amen. Share this video with your friends I'd be so grateful All right, uh Oh amen Thank you hugs agree. Amen agree. Oh great. Uh, holly says I love this song rea says good song Um Before we wrap up if you would be so kind to purchase a super stick or super chat I'd like to give some money away uh to the connor asley scholarship foundation fund So I want to thank you all who have done this so far Um Excuse me. I'm burping by the way. I'm drinking a green drink because I over indulge this weekend And it's time to eat healthy. Does anyone get my drip? Hmm as I'm slurping excuse me Sunny says I would love to meet you Hugs, I love you. Oh, thank you so much for fl says bye. Okay. I think this will be a great place to wrap up for today folks If you find value in my work, check out the link to a free discovery call to see Of working with the coach is right for a discovery call with me to see if working with the coach is right for you Check out my newest podcast called the relation. Oh if you didn't hear it Before I want to remind everyone I've got a brand new podcast called relationships are underrated If you could go to apple right now Listen to a um one of the episodes and if you like it, please write a five star review and please write a review as well And this is a co Uh authored uh or co hosted podcasts where two guys are talking about relationships So relationships are underrated. You could go to spotify. You could go to apple Please check it out. I'd be so grateful if you did that Um, also I have my own podcast called the what would love do podcast link is below If you can't afford coaching check out my work, uh, my um private group called midlife love mastery This is a group where you can have direct access to me on a regular basis and based on the questions you post in the group I shoot personalized videos just for you Check out the link below to all of those And uh, you can follow me on instagram as well All right, we're gonna wrap up this evening as well I always do first off. I'm gonna give myself a big gigantic joth and bear hug of self love I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm asking to turn to someone a pat a teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives I want to thank uh, sophie and mary an and sin and uh And oh, I didn't get to your question and jane and terra and sunny and susie um And holly and mary an and alexander and kelly and angie and ray and f l Everybody. Thank you so much. Wishing you a fabulous night. Take care. Bye now