 So the way I see it is that if we could take things that are happening in the YouTube community or pop culture and take some valuable lessons away from them, I think you and I had a pretty valuable use of our time. What is up everybody? This is Chris from the Rewired Soul where we talk about the problem, but focus on the solution. And if you're new to my channel, I do just what I said in the intro. I try to take topics that are happening in the YouTube community and not just do commentary but actually see what lessons we can learn from them. So if you're into that stuff, make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell. So yeah, I did want to do this kind of follow-up video. I wanted to break these two videos about Tanimojo and Brad Susa, the fake Justin Bieber breaking up because he cheated. Because I think there are some other topics to talk about because I know a lot of people out there are single or maybe you're in a relationship and you can definitely relate to what Tan is going through. So full disclaimer, I'm not like a marriage and family therapist or a relationship counselor or anything like that. My credentials are I am just a guy who has been in a lot of messed up relationships. I'm 33 years old now, so I don't know. I spent a lot of time getting a messed up relationship. So I want to share the lessons that I've learned because I can definitely relate to what Tan went through in this Brad Susa situation. And I'm hoping some of these things that I talk about might be able to help you as you're looking for your next partner or if you're in a relationship right now, you're not really sure about it. Like, hey, I'm just going to drop some suggestions, take with them what you will. So basically, in Tan's video, she was really upset about the fact that she gave so much to Brad. She talks about money she gave him, she talked about how she stopped hanging out with certain friends, everything like that. So like, one thing I will touch on is like this isn't like to throw any shade at Tana or anybody else who's been in this situation. Like the most we can do is learn from our mistakes or learn from not even mistakes, just things that we've been through. Right. And I talked about that in my last video is that it seems like Tana gained some knowledge from this. Right. But anyways, there are definitely some things that we should all be looking at as potential red flags. So Tana talked about how she gave him everything, gave him everything, right? Like move out here and everything like that. I don't know if they were living together or anything, but like, this is something that you really need to check yourself on. This isn't really the other person's fault. It is more us, right? We fall so deeply in love with somebody so quickly that we just want to give them everything like come like for some of us, it's like move in with us, right? Or here, I'll buy you this, I'll buy you that, I'll buy you this and all these other things. But sometimes it's our attention, our time and we give them everything. And this is one of our own personal red flags in my opinion that we need to really take a look at. Like am I giving far too much? Are my emotions like justified, right? And when I say justified, it's more of that we have these very extreme intense emotions some of us do like very early on. And this is something I've talked about in the past when it comes to emotionally regulation. Like a lot of us like we don't just feel like we feel. You know what I mean? I made a video about Pete Davidson and borderline personality disorder, but a lot of people were talking about how they can relate to those emotions and to those feelings, where it's not like you just go on a first date or you start talking to somebody and you're like, oh, this is cool. Maybe we'll go out on a second date, but we fall very intensely and deeply with them. So what's the solution to that? The best thing that we could do is just be more mindful that we're doing that. You see what I mean? If we're giving too much too soon, like something that Tana talked about, she didn't say it directly, but I would imagine because I've gone through it myself. I've had friends go through it as well. But what happens is that we could develop trust issues, right? We start to have this narrative created in our head that everybody's going to hurt us. If this person we loved and gave everything to, it can hurt us, right? So Brené Brown actually has some great advice on this and actually uses like this jelly bean analogy. I won't dive fully into, but we give people just little bits of trust at a time. And that's how we discover like how much we're going to trust them because a lot of us when we put these walls up, we begin to isolate ourselves and distance ourselves from people who really don't deserve it. But we also need to walk into different situations with caution based on our own past experiences. The next red flag is money. And I separated this from the last one because money is a very weird thing. So if somebody we're getting with is financially dependent on us, that's not a good thing. That's not a good thing. And I often look at like, I don't know, celebrities, big YouTubers or people with some kind of higher position where they have some kind of power. I kind of look at these and like it would suck because you always got to wonder like are people hanging out with them because of them or because of their position or their money, right? And that in my opinion gets a relationship off to a rough start is when you're giving the person a lot of money and taking care of them financially, right? So we don't know in the context of Tana and Brad, but like I think we all need to look at that. You know, like if somebody just starts dating us and like they're financially dependent on us, we have to really, really wonder about that. You know what I mean? But on the other hand, too, I've done this before in the past, like Tana, it hasn't been tens of thousands of dollars because I ain't bawling like that. But it's something that I have to check in with because something I've talked about in previous videos is something called self-seeking, right? We believe, we believe that we're being so giving, so self-sacrificing, so nice, so kind, so generous, all these other things. But we're actually doing it with an ulterior motive, right? We're doing this expecting something in return. And again, no shade at Tana, but just using this situation as context. It sets up certain expectations, right? Because we feel the more that we financially give another person the more loyal they should be. You know what I mean? The more reliable they should be. The more likely it is that they're going to stay with us forever. The more that they're going to love us and care about us. So we're doing these things with an expectation. Now, from my experience, what I found a lot of times is that I didn't even realize I was doing it. You know what I mean? But I was giving so much in relationships to try to keep the person there. I thought that that was like an insurance policy, right? So I would imagine, and this is pure speculation, I would imagine there's a part of Tana who feels, you know, like, I gave so much. Like, they shouldn't have done that because of all these things I gave them or bought them or whatever. Because especially in Tana's situation, it came into like, followers and subscribers and connections with people she knows in the industry and all those other things. So that's why I believe like, when we get into relationships, there's certain things that need to stay separate. Like my beautiful girlfriend, Atris and I, we've been together for over two years and everything like that. But like, it took a while for us to like move in and we split things financially and we had discussions about this before we moved in together and everything like that. But I think it sets us up for failure when we jump into our relationship and we start give, give, giving, right? So the last thing I want to talk about, the last red flag I want to discuss is Tana Mojo talks about how Brad Sosa had some insecurities and I don't know the details of it. I don't know if she mentioned in like a live stream or something like that. I don't know if it was men or who it was. But she said because of Brad's insecurities and his request, she dropped certain friends and now that she's broken up with him, she has friends that are like, oh my God, Tana's back, right? This is a huge red flag. If you start dating somebody that doesn't want you hanging out with your friends, like I've had people I've dated in the past do this. Huge red flag, huge, huge, alarms going off, like be warned, be warned, okay? Like for example, for example, I have like a lot of best of my best friends are men, but I have very, very good best friends who are women as well. Like one of my best friends, I've known her since I was a teenager. She's like a sister to me and there was one woman I dated like in my 20s before I got sober and everything, but she was extremely jealous, extremely jealous of my best friend even though she was like a sister to me, right? And she like still is a sister to me, but that was a gigantic red flag. You know what I mean? So to start dropping people in your life, whether it's men, women, whoever you're hanging out with, as long as like, as long as you're not like trying to like get with that person, you're just doing like the secret friend zone. I'm just gonna be friends with them until they like me type of deal. Like you should really be cautious in my opinion about anybody you get into a brand new relationship that wants you to start dropping friends because here's the thing. When we get so emotionally invested in somebody, like that honeymoon phase is real. We can imagine spending the rest of our lives with them and everything like that. So in our mind, it justifies dropping our friends like, oh, I don't need my friends because this person's going to be with me forever. And like I don't want anybody to be pessimistic out there, but like I got to a place where I got into sort of getting into relationships. It's just like, I do not know what the future holds, but based on, you know, my friends being there for me for all these years, it does not make sense. And it's not fair to them, especially not fair to them to just drop them because a new person came into my life. So I would suggest if you have somebody that you're dating or starting to date, they like tries to tell you this or they're uncomfortable with you having friends. Like have a good long discussion because this, this is an issue. And I'm not going to dive too far into it, but this can even be a red flag of potential abuse. Okay, I'm not saying that Brad Sosa or like abuse Tana anyway. But I'm saying this is a potential red flag because one of the signs of abuse is isolating the person away from friends and or family. So something that we really got to keep an eye out for. All right. So again, my heart goes out to Tana and I hope she's, you know, doing well and everything. She's a strong, strong young woman. So she's going to kick butt and I know she's going to get better. But anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed this video. I hope you got some insight and hopefully you learned some things. And if you like, take some of these suggestions. If not, that's cool. But let me know down in the comments below. Have you dove way too soon into a relationship too hard too deep and done some of these things that we've talked about. And how does that work out? Let me know down in the comments below. All right. Anyways, that's all I got. If you liked this video, please give it a thumbs up. If you're new, make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell because I make a ton of videos. And a huge, huge thank you to everybody supporting the channel over on Patreon. You're all amazing. And if you would like to help support what I'm doing here, become a patron, get involved in our monthly Q&A and all that good stuff. Click the top right there. All right. Thanks again so, so much for watching. I'll see you next time.