 Hello, hello, hello. I'm Philip Magnus. Welcome. This is Darkest Dungeon, which I felt just completely desperate to play at two o'clock in the morning, because why not? What's better to do than to play the most mesochistic of all roguelike games. And now, as you see, I've already got a team composition going. I'm going to talk about it a bit later, but right now I'm simply going to buy some equipment, and I believe I will need food. So let's hope that I can actually survive with, let's just say, the less than perfect amount of gold I currently have. And indeed it is time to embark into the wildlands, or the warrens, in this case. Whoops, sorry, seems I lied. What's the darkest dungeon? Well, the answer to this question is, in fact, not a simple one, as you might be surprised to learn. The Darkest Dungeon is a game, a horrible, horrible game, which will most certainly torture you in many exquisite and awful, horrible ways. Like, for example, just now it completely reworked my composition, which means that now the characters that are useful in the front two spaces went back to the third and fourth spot, which of course, needless to say, is going to slow me down needlessly much. Hey, I'm going to survive this for now. Right, and that's how it should be. This here is unpleasant. Now I could remove it with my hands, but that will take HP and it would add to stress. Once your characters get stressed out, very bad things will start happening. Things like insanity, quakes, and even heart attacks, in fact. And I just wasted my time completely. That was bad. A bad start if I've ever seen one. One thing you can be certain about when it comes to the darkest dungeon is the fact that troops are indeed very disposable. Some of those people will die. See, now I hate the fact that I don't have another shovel. I could either go back, which I will do, in my desire to avoid failing this mission so very early on, or, ouch, I got a quirk. I have no idea what that quirk does. A tipler in town will only drink. So yes, now she varsy. My dear goods, hellion, has become a complete and utterly useless drunk. Mm, food. What is important? One must always feed and regularly. Two. God. This is going to end badly for me. Of course, a battle. Well, I have two choices now, either to go there and eventually go back for this battle, or to go back, to go to this battle first and get back here at one point or another. Doesn't seem to make much of a difference, seeing as I'm playing skirmish right now, and I need to finish all my 100% of room battles in order to get my quests just rewards. The plague doctor can, first of all, buff allies and it can, and he can put DOT damage spells, which is really quite good. Whereas the jester can stress heal, which is going to be really useful for those three. Oops, I actually forgot, it's not for all of them. It's only for the one chosen, which again, not perfect. Who can slice? Let's see what that does. Well, it puts a DOT effect on the awful little swine wretch, and the DOT effect, in this case bleed, is taking three damage per turn every time this creature comes to its own turn. Fair enough. That's actually not perfect right now. I think I'm going to just use a wicked hack at one of those cultist brawlers, and it takes 11 points of damage, which damages our cultist friend here in a sufficiently pleasant matter, mana. I could do DOT, or, or I could just stop these guys, well, hopefully Svetlun will be able to end one of those with his collect bounty. Indeed, that was good. Hmm, this will... nope. I was hoping to put the light on the swine wretch, but it didn't end as well as I had hoped. Let's see. What's this? Is she going to bleed for far too long? There you go. A bandage to end the bleeding. We've got a nice little loot stash, a jade, 250 gold piece, medicinal herbs, very useful, used to cleanse items that prevent maladies. It can also be applied to eliminate combat debuffs, so I can actually remove the 10 plus, the 10 percent stress damage. Well, I want. No need. Not right now, anyway. Let's see. One damage per round. Actually, I think I can probably live with one damage per round, now that I will not grow to regret that choice. I think I'm going to put a bunch of medicinal herbs in the hope that I don't get any unpleasant effects. Ooh, a buff. Plus 30 damage until camp. I don't actually think I'm going to camp here. Occult scrawlings, anti-venom, medicinal herbs, bandage... Hmm. Don't suppose I can cleanse this? Probably not. Isn't logical. Yeah. I don't actually know what exactly I need to put in order to make the occult scrawling safe. Maybe a torch? Should I burn it? Can I even burn it? This is going to end badly for me. Nope. Let's just try and take it. Oh, so I got nothing out of this. Well, my bad. It happens on occasion that I completely suck. See? Oh my. We don't want to lose the light. Once this thing here goes below 75, well, bad awful things happen. Oh god. I didn't buy a fourth piece of food, did I? Gnawing hunger sets in, turning the body against itself, weakening the mind. Well, as you see, this is not going well. This is actually so far the worst mission I have. And I might very well lose for the first time ever. Let's see. Let's try and take care of the swine, wretch and drummer. By blighting them, it will give me plentiful time to make a difference. Oh god, my plague doctor. As you see, his stress levels are getting quite high by now. And the fact that I have no healer, of course, is not helping me in any way. The faster I take this creature, the better. Perhaps some stress heal will do, no, need a damage, then again. Slice off. Let's see. Hmm. Actually, this will kill it. I think I made a... Oh my. And now Vasim might very well die. Sorry, Vasi. I didn't want this to happen, you know. Oh god. She's still alive. She probably will die from the bleeding. No, it doesn't make sense. Now it won't help the bloody bleeding. Ouch. Let's see if I can get blight going on that pig. As you see, things are not looking good right now. Yes, yes, I'm giving you a bandage. You can't... you can't eat, can you? Right. Hopefully this will end him. Hmm. I actually managed to survive. Right. Good. Excellent. She might yet live. Oh god. Helium chest. This is not a strongbox, so I will just open it. It actually didn't hurt me, I know. Surprising. Now back... back to the horrors of my world. This is about to get very dark and very, very bad. That's what happens when you are all out of gold and very, very stupid. Ninety, eighty-nine, eighty-eight. So now might be a bad, actually a very good moment to say that no matter what you do, no matter how you try, seriously, it activated. Injury and despondence. Set the stage for heroism or cowardice. Yes, sure. Are they going to die from hunger? Packs full of steel and war. But now we have thought given to the power. Good job, Vasu. You are fearful. So, afflictions. When heroes can't take the stress anymore, they become afflicted. This manifests in different behaviors and start changes. Afflictions last until you send them to treatment in town, unless you can reduce their stress to zero during the quest. Yeah, there really is no way of that happening. A torch at the tick of time. Fearful. Fearful, bloody, bloody Vasu. How could you do this to me, doll? How could you? And now this fight is probably going to be my last. Maybe I'll actually survive it. Let's see. Perhaps this fellow is my best shot. And now the true test. Hold fast or expire. Do I dare carry on? That is the question. I don't. Yes, I'm sure there is no... Do you see? That's what happens when at least Fetluis has some resolve. Impressive. Ghoulish horrors. Brought low and driven into the mud. No. I really feel like I should probably stop. But I can't help myself. Ooh. Oh, oh God. Should I? Sure. Supplies. Food. Excellent. Now I can eat and get hit points that will in no way help me for the oncoming slaughter. See, this will hurt. This will hurt and this will be awful. Right. Time to harvest, dear children. You're bleeding, but I'm, well, all bled out. Let's just say. Oh no, Fetlu, don't die. Uh oh. She's a goner. Oh boy. He reached. Let's see. He's hopeless. Yeah. That sounds like Fetlu. My most healthy member is the completely useless one. Fair enough. Fair enough. We can work with that. Huh. That was actually amusing. Bye, Fetlu. In the pursuit of glory and glory. Oh, look. I will press onward. Virtuous. Sometimes heroes respond to the onslaught of stress by becoming heroic. This elevated state of performance will last until they come for returned town and converse stud bonuses and other benefits. And now he will die. Oh, he's still alive. What a surprise. Of course you'll hide. Let's see what plumbing can do. Well, he's still alive, which is something that's for sure. As life ebbs, terrible vistas of emptiness reveal themselves. Yes, yes. Terrible vistas of emptiness. Stubby, stubby, toe. The jaws drip with death. True enough. Come on. Oh, of course you are. Self-preservation is paramount at any cost. Yes, surely I do. But now, now I believe this is the time for all of you to meet my brilliant axe. Oh, so you are a mass scientist after all. Oh, come on. A dizzying blow to body and brain. He's still alive though. I'm very, very impressed. I might actually survive this without losing all of my folks. Let's see. Excellent. Our only one remains. Let me kill him. Yes, I'm alive. I live. So clearly in view. Time to return to helmet. Is it merely a trick of the light? Okay. What's this? No. No, I don't want to know. Time to go back. Their skills fade. Their confidence is shaken. Ooh, I got two humans, obviously. But yeah, that was not, not, not good at all. Actually, that cost me a lot. That cost me poor old Svetlou. I'm sorry, my friend, but you're dead. Oh, at least that guy, who I have totally forgotten to rename, has gotten a meditator out of the holding. Improved stress reduction while meditating and while camping. And Vassi has become paranormal. So she's obsessed with the paranormal. Sounds like Vassi. Can you feel it? The walls between the sane world and that unplumbed dimension of delirium are tenuously thin here. Ooh, Bloody brought more out of the night of debauchery than memories only. New quirk, syphilis. Lovely. Well done, Bloody. You ever cease to disappoint? Let's see. Izzo underwent effective quirk treatment, blood thirsty, and Virgil prayed and recovered 55 stress. Excellent. Things are looking good. My best and brightest are back to work. And now I will have to tell you, thank you for watching. I'm looking forward to seeing you next time. Bye!