 Hey what's up you guys, welcome back to my channel, I didn't even say hi, hello, welcome. As you may have, in the title of this video is the mochangene, 100 milligrams. This video has been like such a long time coming, I don't actually know why I haven't. I started taking the mochangene in June I think, I actually stopped taking it in all of us because I'll decide what, which is what I'm gonna get into today. So if you haven't seen my first video on this, this is where I first started taking it on 25 to 50 milligrams. That video we linked in the description down below and also up on the icard over there. The highest dose actually got to was 100 and that I didn't last very long on. The mochangene made me quite ill and I'm not gonna say it's some really bad medication because it helps so many people. This night I reacted horribly to it and I had no alternative but to come off this medication. I was on 100 milligrams for around three weeks and by the end of that I had to come off it. I just couldn't function. And my psychiatrist actually stopped the prescription. So I want to talk a bit about the side effect that really drove home for me. So with that I had the issue that the mochangene, the first issue I had was a rash and it scared me. I had to stop taking it for a week to take allergy tablet. Then I started back on it and started going up again and when I got to 100 milligrams I noticed that my memory was actually horrific. And I couldn't remember the most basic of things, let alone anything more complicated. It made me really sluggish, made me tired. I couldn't, I don't know if I could do anything I wanted to do because I was so weighed down. I want to talk about the memory loss because people don't actually talk a lot very much and the only reason that I know is the side effects because I sat and read the psychiatric drug prescription guidelines manual to learn more about the mochangene. It actually does cause my real loss. It's a very common side effect and had I been told that before I started taking it I wouldn't have started it because my memory on its own is already really bad. But then the mochangene I started taking it and things just got worse. And my memory was at a point where I literally couldn't remember what I said two seconds later with everything. It was so hard and my memory is already really bad because of the two dissociative disorders that I'm diagnosed with. Starting the mochangene and having that side effect really really impacted me brown me out because no matter what I did I just couldn't remember things. And as soon as I raised it with my psychiatrist it got stopped. Memory loss is actually a really bad side effect. You know I just haven't seen anything on talk about it or something I wanted to do there. It really made me forget everything. The whole switching from quit IOP to the mochangene while lowering the quit IOP and increasing the mochangene at the same time. Coming down on the quit IOP really really impacted me because I was really tired but I couldn't switch off which anyone doesn't know. I take a fair amount of meds and they're all prescribed two of them are two separate beta blockers and the beta blockers are notoriously known for the fact that really hard to sleep on them. I had to take them but because of cardiac issues I was prescribed them while under cardiology. I was forgetting to do the most basic things and it just overall wasn't really a good situation at all. It was pretty horrific actually not being able to remember just like simple things like I changed my facebook password and I couldn't remember what it was. Remember if I'd eaten that day I couldn't remember like what I'd done I couldn't remember if I went out I couldn't remember if I'd been in bed or day and I couldn't remember if I had my meds or not and a side effect that I had to so when I spoke to my psychiatrist I actually did get stopped and I'm currently not taking the mochangene. I am quit IOP still and I think they function quite well on quit IOP and at night it says I take it I'm pretty much asleep. Well in the morning I don't take quit IOP in the morning anymore and I feel like I can function pretty well during the day and for me that's the important thing because obviously I'm going back to uni I have things that I have to do I have appointments to go to and different things I have to do and if I was still on the mochagene I'm not actually convinced I would have been able to return to uni because of how bad it was affecting me. The thing is with these videos the reason I talk about medications my experience and everything like that the reason I talk about all of that still is very simply because I know there are so many people that are starting on new meds that won't know what happens when you take meds and all the people seem to post on social media is psych meds are evil don't take psych meds. I am a huge advocate for treatment and recovery I am someone who is medicated I am medicated 24-7 if I'm not on my meds I can't and it's very obvious to tell when I have meds and when I have them but I have them I can't sit in these things I can't I literally cannot murder you I can pretty much sit and do anything and not really have too many emotions toward things which some people might be like um don't you want to be able to feel is it isn't able to feel emotions good my answer is no not when you are feeling low it's the worst I'd rather feel nothing than everything and I think medication is such an important part of recovery and wellness something people have to use and I don't think anyone should be shamed for taking medication some people are therapy all the way and then you get the ignorant people who don't take meds meds are bad meds are just pharmaceutical companies blah blah blah I want to say this as someone who's in the UK especially um pharmaceutical companies do not get money out of individuals they get money medications are paid for through the NHS and we pay a prescription chart I personally have got a prepayment card because I'm exempt and I have 12 prescriptions a week but I don't agree with people being like anti psych med trying to encourage other people not to take their med medications exist for a reason and that reason is not money this is something a lot of people will talk about and they're like oh my god she's just addicted to her meds and I'm really not the main med that I'm on that that is addictive would be clasipam and honestly I could get to take it so I wouldn't exactly say I'm an addict I do also openly accept the fact that some people will get addicted to their meds and that's hard glad to whatever you're going through treatment exists for a reason and recovery is always possible and if that's meant if it's not meds if it's rehab if it's inpatient if it's outpatient it's fucking electrochemical therapy it's a valid real treatment I think anyone who tries to prevent others from taking actions they need to take to get better is genuinely a genuinely horrible evil I get people say to me all the time that oh you look like a drug addict you look like addicted to your meds you know you shouldn't promote using your medications because people get addicted to them and the thing is I am prescribed my medications by a psychiatrist and people are like oh no she used to be private that's why she's got some new meds I was private over a year ago now um briefly at the beginning of this year but I am currently only under the NHL if I could afford to be I would still be in private because I I do genuinely believe private treatment is I do I openly say that but you know I'm under the NHS and yeah they whack a lot of random diagnoses funny enough for me it was kind of backwards made people like oh private psychiatrist you know prescribed low over the diagnosis I actually got diagnosed more under the NHS um I got over the over the nose over medicated by the NHS not through my private psychiatrist my hope psychiatrist actually got me off like five six mad and took away I didn't even know how many diagnoses so for me going back under the NHS is very very much that anxiety provoking because I've been on a lot of meds in my life but I am and sometimes I don't need to keep saying the same thing over and over again but I want to say this now and I mean it treatment is always I'm not going to sit here and slate it because different things with people like they're like everyone says to me like shouldn't you do therapy I have done so much therapy in my life that I could pretty much write a script but like what they were saying situation I've done two different dbt courses an intense dbt course been inpatient I've been outpatient I've been under crisis teams done CBT and CBTE I don't just generalize talking therapies I've had counselling you know I tried to do EMDR therapy earlier I tried to do EMDR therapy last year and triggered me it made me worse so currently I'm under a treat under a under a specific treatment here for trauma the main thing I'm working on and the only thing I'm really working on is trauma trauma is the root cause of majority of my issue and that's the one thing that I have to work on obviously with the whole COVID-19 thing it's been so hard I'll do that treatment but now services are opening back up again it's making things a hell of a lot easier all I want to say is if your psychiatrist recommends medication it's okay to feel anxious about it it's okay to not know all I will say is everything is worth trying because you don't know unless you try just to reiterate again I am not currently taking the much gene that medication got stopped it just wasn't the right medication for me hopefully people respect them and if you I want it or if you've tried it or tried anything else let me know in the comments I'd be interested to learn more about what medications there are what else consider taking that works because the much genes prescribed doesn't move stabilizer I don't I don't think I need mood stabilizer I think for me I need my prototyping changing getting my sleep tablet needs to change my antidepressant got increased because of the stress of everything that's been going on Twitter so I just wanted to say that words have impact and when you type something online you can't just delete it I just want you guys to know that no matter what you are going through you are not alone and also please be kind to each other you don't know what anyone that's sometimes is going through and you certainly don't have a right to comment on their life think before you try honestly and with that I will leave this video here I yeah I just thought I'd update everyone because people have been asking how's the limit being going and well I stopped taking it nearly a month ago like over a month ago and so yeah that's why I'm filming anyway I'm tired I want to go yeah bye guys