 Isn't the following program recorded? No, it's transcribed. Joe? All I got to say about Joe is he really is a smart guy. It takes a smart guy to be that stupid. 2000 plus, science fiction adventures from the world of tomorrow, the years beyond 2000 AD. 2000 plus presents the Brooklyn Brain. I want to thank you for a very nice evening. The pleasure was all mine, Clarice. I'd have you come up on me at the after 12 and pause asleep. That's all right. Well, good night, Joe. Uh, Clarice? Yeah, Joe. Yeah, had a good time, huh? I mean, really? Good night, Joe. Well, wait a minute, Clarice. I... I got something to ask you. No. No what? No kiss. I gave you one in the helicopter bus. I am not distributing my favors with Lord Jess. Boy, you certainly know big words. It's because I try to give myself culture. Every day in the facsimile newspapers, I do the cross-wade puzzle. Well, sure, Clarice. I think that's fine. Only I got something to ask you. I told... That isn't what I mean. Something else? Clarice, will you marry me? I mean, that is... Will you? This is so sudden. Gee, I've known you three years. That ain't so sudden. Well, a girl likes to get proposals, but matrimony. It's a very important thing. It should not be entered into lightly. I got a good job, a good future. It isn't that, Joe. What isn't that? I mean, like they say in psychology. I don't know what you're talking about, Clarice. That's what I mean, Joe. You don't understand things like psychology. I always read the handy hints for mental health column. It's written by a psychologist. From such pursuits, I have learned that culture is what counts in life or marriage. The partners have to have a mental affinity for each other. Mental? Take Sam Wittenberg. He knows about music. Or Fred Daniels. He knows about art. Or take Harry Lester. He knows economics. He knows economics? I had a loan of five dollars. What has money got to do with it? Joe, leave it, not quarrel. Yeah, but I was. You have paid me a very high honor by asking me to be your wife. But I can't say yes. Oh, you mean. On the other hand, I didn't say no. I can't pretend I don't like you, Joe. You're basically a nice boy. Only if you'd only get some culture, learn about things so we could have something to discuss, to talk about. Art, music, economics? Or similar high-class subjects. Joe, see what you can do. OK, Clarice. I'll try. And then I'll let you know. Sure. And, Joe. Yeah? In light of the circumstances, Daria, I rescind my previous refusal. What does that mean? It means you can have a good night kiss. Are you ready, Carl? Yes, Professor. Now, remember, after I throw the switch, it will take several seconds for the accumulator to build up. When the red light on the control panel flashes, you throw your contact even. I understand. All right. All right. One, two, three. It's working, Professor. It's working. Oh, good. Excellent. Try it again. Wonderful, wonderful. All right, Carl. Turn it off. Now, I've checked every dial, every meter, as the machine was running. And they all coordinated precisely. Then it will work on a human being. Are you sure enough to let me try it on you? Well, it isn't that, Professor. It's just that you kind of need me to help you run the machine. Oh, yes. Yes, I understand, Carl. And since I am the inventor, it would also be foolish for me to volunteer to be the first human guinea pig. Well, obviously, we need someone else to try it on. And that's right, Professor. Imagine. 11 years' work. Here is a machine that takes a tape recording of a human voice reading facts, figures to anything, and transforms it from sound waves into electrical waves. Then, through electrodes attached to a human head, charging that brain with the wave so that automatically the person getting the electrical shock has information charged into his memory. It will be a boon to education. People won't have to go to school anymore. Your brain wave machine will just charge their brains with anything they want to know. Thank you. Well, there's a lot of experimenting we have yet to do, but so far as we can know, up to this moment, the machine should work, I hope. Now, whom are you going to try it on? Oh, yes, whom? Well, we'll run an ad. We'll try to find someone, not too bright, but someone we can try to transform into a mental giant. Yes, sir, this is Joe. We sent him six dozen boxes like he ordered. Ten-day billing. Yes, Charlotte, turn to it right away. Flora, take a letter. The boss ain't got a check from St. Louis and he's mad. It doesn't pay to be mad. It's not good for customer relations. The home is a lot of going. Dear sir, uh... Dear sir, how? Aren't you feeling health? Gosh, I don't know, Flora. I guess my mind ain't on my work. Where is it? I'm going to Clarice's Thursday night for dinner. She's your girl. I should make you happy. Be happy. But she's having Sam Wittzenberg for dinner, too, and he's got culture. You got a job. Flora, you're a smart girl. You know how to find things in the files. Tell me, how do I learn about things? How do I get culture? Study. How much time have I got? Thursday is three days from now. What can I learn in that time? Not culture. That's what I mean. I'm licked before I start. I have a teacher. That's expensive. So stay a bachelor. But I don't want to. Oh, look, look, here's a newspaper. I'll turn to the educational section. Here it is, here it is, French. Well, I'm French. Why would I do it French? What do you do with culture after you get married? Look, I'm only trying to be helpful. Go on, Flora. What else is there? How to hypnotize in nine easy lessons. Hey, that's interesting. If you learn how to hypnotize, it's not going to work for you anymore. Oh, let's see, what's this? Be a mechanic, learning the soul of a machine. Soul of a machine? Crazy. Oh, here's another read. Well, what does it say? You see, if you would like to find any subject in the world without effort and are willing to volunteer for a scientific experiment, try to box one, nine, three, four, the facsimile times. Hey, I don't like that volunteer for scientific experiment part. But it also says if you would like to learn any subject in the world without effort. Do you, do you think I should write them? Or you'll lose the stamp. Use a company stamp, you'll lose nothing. Okay, so since I'll never get culture just wishing for it, take a letter. Dear sir. We startin' that again? Dear sir, box one, nine, three, four, the facsimile times. In response to your advertisement, permit me to say that I would very much like- Have you read these letters from people who want to volunteer for our machine? All six of them. Do you think it's wise to take people of such mentality? Well, it would be a good test for the machine. Yes, but almost any change would be an improvement for them judging from the letters. Whatever else may be said, professor, the people who wrote those letters are human beings. Yes, I suppose so. And we need a human being to test with. After all, so far the only living thing we have used was a dog. Ah, but the dog lived. It proves the machine's electrical charge in the head does not kill. The charge doesn't kill, but does it force knowledge into the brain? We've been to recording of the Einstein theory into the dog. But the dog can't talk. What good is it to him? But, Carl, doesn't it give you satisfaction to know that because of our invention, there is one dog in this city who actually knows the Einstein theory? Did any dog know the theory before our invention? No. All right. So we have reason to believe the machine will work. That is why we are looking for a human being. Just to be sure. But, um, which one of these letters, uh, which one of these people shall we take? Well, whichever one has the greatest need for knowledge. They all need it. Yes, but I mean, uh, whichever one believes he needs it most. That person will have an incentive to cooperate with us. I see. Well, in that case, this one. Flora, look! I got a letter. They selected me. Congratulations. It says here, please choose your subjects. Art, music, economics, that's for me. You should also add another subject. How to get St. Louis to pay its bill. That ain't culture. Who says the ladies' garment business is culture? Gosh, Flora, you know what I mean. Like Clarice says, there's more to living than just having a job. You ever try living without a job? Art, music, economics. I'll show Sam Whitson, boy. He's not the only one who knows those things. I'll show Clarice, too. Should I call the number on this letter and make an appointment for you? Would you, Flora? Gee, thanks a lot. OK. Mr. Joe Martin, you sent him a letter about Day of Rain. The sooner, the better. Mr. Martin is in conference now, but I believe it could be arranged. Yeah, uh, pick one for today. The hellermats no difference. Thank you. Well? Here's your dress. After 12 o'clock today, you'll have culture. Oh, Mr. Martin, if you just lie down here on this surgical table. Surgical table? I didn't come for an operation. I came for an education. Oh, and you shall get one, my boy. You shall get one. After today, you'll be an expert on art, you know, painting and sculpting, all that sort of thing. Lie down, please. What are you going to do? Well, you see, Mr. Martin, you have brain waves. I have? Everybody has. You see, the brain gives off power. That's why. Now, what we do, well, to describe it simply, is play a recording of some subject you want to learn. Now, the sound waves are transformed into electrical waves and are charged into your brain. The result is you have the knowledge impressed into your mind. Isn't that wonderful? I just remember I got another appointment with Mr. Martin. In your letter, you said you wanted to show your girl that you could learn things, be smart, get culture. Where did I put my head? Here or there? Your head of here, your feet down there. Splendid, splendid. Now, Carl, attach the electrodes to his head, will you? Yes, Professor. Well, then, you will never know what hit you. I mean, not at all, not at all. Just relax, Mr. Martin. Everything is ready, Professor. All right, Carl. One, two, three. Now, now, now, it's just warming up, Mr. Martin. Don't be so nervous. No, sir. Shall I start the recording now? In one moment. You see, Mr. Martin, Carl will start the recording that he dictated this morning, and then I'll charge the knowledge into your brain. You see? Begin the recording. Yes, Professor. Among the new school of paintings which have excited modern critics and which are likely to have a profound effect upon future interpretive forms, the new circular school of impressionistic painting is outstanding. Now, for the charge. Employee and vibrant. How is he, Professor? Is he all right? He's a little glassy-eyed. Maybe we'd better stop the experiment. No, no, no, we'll try it once more. Only speed up the recording so we can charge his brain more quickly. All right, if you say so. Here goes. Ordnance of relationships which stimulate the senses and excite the imagination. The circular school manages to get around traditional obstacles of comprehensibility. One already exposed to the circular school of impressionistic painting to Darrell and Montenegro. Now, the charge. Now the school which is managed to repeat. That's enough, that's enough, Carl. Shut up the equipment. He is alive, isn't he? I think so. Mr. Martin. Mr. Martin. Wake up, Mr. Martin. He's coming to work. What? Oh, what happened? Oh, is it over? Yes, that's all for today. And I got culture? So far as we know, everything seemed to work. I got a headache, too. Would you like a glass of water? No, I think I better go now. I've got to get back to work. It's just so long, fellas. Professor, should we have let him go like that? Uh, let's look out of the window. Ah, there he is. Just came out of the door onto the street. He's a little wobbly. Maybe a cop will think he's drunk. Frankly, I'm a little worried about him. I wonder if the experiment really worked. I'm worried about him, too. Because even if the experiment did work, we speeded the record up so fast. Good heavens, Professor. What if he ends up talking like Donald Duck? Oh, Sam, you play the piano so beautifully. Sam Wittschendrag is not known as the Beethoven of Brooklyn for nothing. I know exactly what you mean. When Madele Baker said, you look like a bum, you never got a haircut, I said it's because you're artistic. Not getting a haircut, I mean. Oh, excuse me, there's the doorbell. More company? It's probably Joe. That's passion. Now, Sam, don't you and Joe start anything. Hello, Clarice. Come in, Joe. Nice party. I hope you like it, Joe. Clarice, have you made up your mind yet? Made up my mind? You know Clarice about us. Joe, this is not the place to pursue that question. Well, I just thought that maybe if you. I don't know yet, Joe. Come into the party. Sure, Clarice. Well, well, well, if it isn't Joe. How are you, Joe? Hello, Sam. Sam was playing the piano. Yeah, I heard. Read any good books lately, Joe? Well, we're taking inventory at the store, and I've been kind of busy. Yeah, Joe works very hard. A hard head, you got to work hard, eh, Joe? The only reason you've got a soft head is you've got so much hair on it, it's like a mattress. But, uh, Clarice says it's artistic. Clarice says it. Did you say that? Well, I, Joe, I, I meant he looks like an artist, artist way along here. And speaking of artists, Joe, what do you think of the new Circular School of Impressionistic Painting? Well, I, I. Do you think the dynamism of the blues is more effective than the interpretive qualities of the vibrant yellows? Well, the, the real. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Sure, Joe. Ha, ha, ha. You're absolutely right. Uh, by the way, Clarice, how about you and I go to the Art Institute the more after now? Oh, that's very nice, Sam. Joe. Joe, what's the matter? Sure. Sure, go with him to the Art Institute. Maybe he'll get a job. They'll use him as a ham up to dust the paintings with. Joe. You want to know what I think about the new Circular School of Impressionistic Paintings? I'll tell you. I think the brushwork of DeGaro is infinitely superior to the technique of Marconelli, but that the interpretive approach of both of them is immature. Joe. You're so smart, Sam Whitsomberg. Let me ask you a few questions. Why does Gregory Thompson, the British Impressionist, conceive all legendary characters in his paintings as Cubistic? Why? Well, it's because, uh, it's because, uh, because, because, uh, why, Sam? I don't know. Sam, you don't know? You don't know they're Cubistic because Thompson is a Cubist and not a Circular School at all? You didn't know that, huh? But I- You're a blockhead, so you, of all people, should know a Cubist. Now, let me tell you something else. The important news in Art Circles is the recrudescence of 19th century painting with particular emphasis on the portraiture of that period. In fact, I think I will go myself tomorrow to the Art Institute and just look at that 19th century stuff. Well, would you like to come, Clarice? Joe. Okay. Now, we... Oh, oh, we, we can't go tomorrow. It's Friday, I gotta finish him then. Oh, that's all right, Joe. We'll go Saturday, anytime you say, Joe. Okay. But you only go with me to the Art Institute. Do you understand? Yes, Joe. So, uh, what are you gonna do tomorrow, Sam? I, uh... I think I'll get a haircut. Already from morning's quick. Where's that, that file from St. Louis? You feeling all right, Mr. Martin? Great. Like a million dollars. All from culture? Flora, you should have been there. I was so smart, the waves were so big, even I couldn't understand what I was saying. At some education you got? Science is wonderful. Imagine those professors doing what they did to me. They shoot me full of brainwaves. One minute I'm a dope, and the next minute I'm an expert on... on... Art? Music? Economics? I... I don't remember. Let me think. Sam was there. It must have been about art, because... Because tomorrow I'm taking Clarice to the Art Institute. If you're going there, you really must have said something. I know, but I can't remember what it was. Flora, ask me some questions. Maybe it'll come back to me. Why do you... I don't know! Yesterday I saw a picture in a magazine. It looked like four soapboxes in a junkyard. It was called Sunset in Hawaii. Magazine said it was a... Cubist picture. Does that make sense to you? No. Even if you couldn't understand what you're saying? No. You need another shot in the head. Yeah. Yeah, that's right. Flora, call the professors and make me another appointment. I gotta take Clarice to the Art Institute tomorrow. And I can't remember anything at all! Now, Mr. Martin, please don't be so nervous. Just answer my questions. But she's my girl. I'm finally making progress, and this has to happen. Yes, sir. Carl, put on the recording again. Let Mr. Martin hear it. Yes, sir. A lot to both of comprehensibility. Among the leading exponents of the Circular School of Impressionistic Painting, Figaro and Martin Nellie are perhaps best known. Another school which has managed to retain some influence on contemporary trends, despite the vigorous onslaught of the Impressionists, is that group best exemplified by the work of Gregory Thompson, who's an Impressionist? Yeah, now, you remember that, don't you? I don't remember it, and I don't understand it. But we charged your brain with that information. You charged it? You tried to collect it? I don't know where it is. Carl, I'd like to talk to you alone for a moment. Excuse us, Mr. Martin. Yeah, yeah, sure. You're sure the machine worked properly when we experimented on him? When I dismantled the machine this morning, everything was perfect. What could have happened? Apparently, it makes only a brief impression on the brain, about 24 to 36 hours. Oh, that's terrible. What's terrible about it? At least we're on the right track in a year or two. We'll perfect it so people can remember all the time. People! People learn things even if we don't perfect the machine. But what I most regret is, there's no longer a dog in the whole world who knows the Einstein theory. Well? I'm sorry, Mr. Martin, but obviously the experiment wasn't as successful as we even hoped it would be. Well, then give it to me again. Professor, I just got to know about art. I'm taking Clarice to the Institute tomorrow. Wouldn't you take her to a movie instead? But I'm not afraid anymore. Put those things on my head again. Give me a million volts. I like it, I like it. I'm afraid that's impossible. You see, we dismantled the machine. We're moving it to a laboratory, upstate it, we'll take at least a month until we put it together again. A month? But tomorrow... I'm sorry, Mr. Martin. Clarice won't marry me now. You're right on time for our trip to the Institute. I'm so excited. Come in, Joe. Hello, Clarice. We'll see all the pictures and you'll explain them to me, won't you, Joe? Clarice, there's something I want to tell you. Yes, Joe. It's about my culture, about what I said about art the other day. Oh, Joe, you were wonderful. I thought Sam Wittenberg had dropped dead. You know what? After you left, he said you knew more about art than anybody he ever knew. He... he said that? And you were so masterful when you told him you were taking me to the Institute. I... I want... Oh, Joe, Joe, I got something to tell you. You have? I made up my mind. Joe, don't you understand? I made up my mind. I accept your proposal. You mean you... you'll marry me? That's right, Joe. You've got culture. We'll have a mental affinity. Clarice, listen. Let's get married right away, today. Let's not even go to the art Institute. Joe, you're so smart. We'll go away on a honeymoon for a month. A month? A whole month. And then when we get back, then we got time for culture. I promise you, after one month, I will absolutely be charged with culture. Oh, Joe, this is so sudden and so romantic. Oh, but I don't have a truth, so I need clothes. Look, look, I've awakened the ladies' garment business. I'll go to the store. I'll get you all the clothes you need. Only let's get married and not go to the art Institute. Oh, Joe, you're so smart. You think of everything. I do? I'll bet you even know the Einstein theory. 2000 Plus presents a thrilling melodrama of adventure and terror. Be sure to listen. 2000 Plus is produced by Dreyer and Wendelson Productions Incorporated. In today's cast, Bryna Raper in portrait Clarice and Flora, Gilbert Mack was Joe, William Keen was Sam, and Mercer McLeod was the professor. The orchestra was conducted by Emerson Buckley, music composed by Elliott Jacoby. Sound, Walt Shaver, and Adrian Penner. Engineer, Ed Formica. This is Ken Marvin speaking. Program came from New York.