 Oh, we got a funny man on with us now. Ian Carmel joins us, stand-up comic, host of all fantasy, everything, the podcast. What's up, Ian? Okay, well, we're gonna start right with your hat, right? Because you are a Blazers fan. You grew up in Oregon. So if people are wondering how that happens, that's how it happens. And they've been in tank mode for a minute. What do you do with seasons like this? Because as a Spurs fan, I get it, it happens. What do you do with these types of seasons? You learn to love the likes of Dewop Wreath and Delano Banton. Who? He's... And you convince yourself that these are going to be major parts of an eventual championship-winning team. You lie to yourself. You lie, yeah. And you stand here lying to yourself. It takes time. It takes time. It does. It does. And you end up getting really into what is apparently going to be the worst draft class in years. I know. You guys really didn't time that well, did you? Future is bright. No, the future is bright. That future just might not start until 2026. Future is bright. I'm in the same boat, but we have Wimby. Go on, sorry. Yeah, you're not in the same boat at all. I don't want to hear that. I mean, it sounded good as I started to see. You're in a yacht. He's in a goddamn canoe. You're right. You're just sort of like on a tube floating by. I'm in a tube and there was a chance that I was going to get that yacht too. Like last year, there was like, you know, this yacht is on for grabs. Cause I cry in. I legit cried when they opened the envelope and it was spurs are getting the number one. Legitimately had tears of joy coming down my face. Like it had already, like we'd won a championship already. How's that? Oh, I remember the feeling because it happened when we drafted Greg Odin. So I'm very familiar with that feeling of excitement that you're about to, you know, join forces with a franchise altering center. So you're the same. I know it well. It's exactly the same. Yeah. And so big news of Portland. This past off season, they move on from Damian Lillard. What was your take on that? Did it kind of run its course? Did you think that was the right move at the time? Did you want him to keep them? What was your thoughts on that? I was grateful that we would always have the rap albums to remember our time together. You know, honestly, I was happy for him. It felt like an amicable divorce. Even if it got a little weird with where he was going to be moving after the divorce was completed. But I think Portland will always love Damian Lillard. I mean, that's my favorite player who I got to watch throughout my career as a Portland Trial Blazers fan. And yeah, it was time for him to go. You know, he'd taken us as far as we were gonna go. The team clearly couldn't put winning pieces around him in a way that he needed to have around him at that point. So yeah, I think not a single Portland Trial Blazer fan who doesn't wish him well. We're also on a little bit in the Milwaukee Box fans. So now do you still follow? Do you still cheer for him in Milwaukee as long as they're not playing the Trial Blazers? Whoever cheers for you, thanks. You're awesome. We're cheering for him. I swear to God, in Portland, yeah, we are sashes. You're class X. We're a little bit class X. We a little bit have like a parasocial relationship. Maybe we're like a little bit of like a cuck fan based due to because of it, but. Maybe not. Everyone, everyone in Portland, they do. There's a little bit of shot in Freud, you know what I mean? When the Doc Rivers thing was first getting off the ground, but now that they're clicking their move and they're winning a lot of games, I think everyone would like to see it happen for Damien Lillard. By the way, revealing moment for Lou who said who roots for their X. So now we know a little bit more about Lou Will than we did yesterday. Bitter, bitter man. Which one? Exactly. I like him, I like him already, I like him. By the way, on the Dame thing, like when it came out that he was bored and my favorite part, lonely, in Milwaukee playing video games, what did you think of that? I thought sounds like Milwaukee. Yeah, checks out. Check out. But how can Dame Lillard be lonely anywhere? I got a good feeling he's found some companies. He's found people. Since that interview. Reggie Miller, well go ahead, I'm sorry. No, I was just gonna say Chicago's right down the road, man. You can go find some company, you know, even if it's not Milwaukee. Exactly. It's like Austin and San Antonio. Okay, stop. Quick little ride. Reggie Miller recently said that Dame Lillard is in his top 10. Where would you rank Dame? Of all time. Personally, I would have Damien Lillard in my top three with Rashid Wallace and Kevin Duckworth, but that's your support on trailblazer thing. Right. Reggie Miller said he's got Damien Lillard in his top 10. Yeah, he said he got him in his top 10. Of all time. That's bad. I think it was a hot take, but you know, it worked. We're talking about it. I thought he meant top 10 shooters of all time. Top 10 trailblazers of all time. Yeah. I thought we were all, I mean, we were all pretty stoked. He made top 75 all time, and I thought that was like a generous and lovely thing to say about him. I don't know about it. Maybe top 10 guys from Oakland, top 10 point guard. Oakland list is good. That's the bad list. The Oakland list is very good. The Oakland list of point guard is amazing. Okay, so you got Duckworth, you got Sheed, Clyde Drexler, Damien Lillard, who of all the players in the history of the trailblazers deserve a statue outside that arena. All right, so Clyde Drexler's kid got this conversation going amongst Blazers fans, and I guess amongst the national media, two of the other day. I'll tell you this for free, it's not Clyde Drexler. Why is that? You don't get a statue in front of the Rose Garden when you leave town, when you ask to leave town and then you go win a championship for another city. That's tough. You go into the whole thing as a Houston rocket. In my opinion, to get a statue, you either have to win a championship with a team or stay with a team for your entire career and be one of its best players. He didn't do either of those teams or things. So Damien doesn't get a statue either, then. So no statue? Damien Lillard does not get a statue in Portland. Here's the Statulis Moto Center. Yeah. Statulis, here's who gets the statue. You can have one of Dr. Jack Ramsey talking to Bill Walton and Maurice Lucas all huddled up together. You got the three of them. Wow. All talking to one another. That could be a statue. I think you have a statue of the person who invented voodoo donuts. It's just a guy holding a pink box. There's one out here now, too. Okay, we don't get that. They're everywhere. They're spreading. I love donuts. Maybe that guy who rides a unicycle dressed like Darth Vader holding bagpipes, like he can get a statue. I thought he was just a crackhead in Portland. That doesn't mean he doesn't deserve a statue. Those things are mutually exclusive. Our crackheads are employed. We're a whimsical city. What made you first fall in love with the Blazers? How did that start? So I went to preschool at a place called the Middlemen's Jewish Community Center in Portland, Oregon. And this was in the early 1990s, when basketball teams would still practice at places like that before they had practice facilities. It went online and you would imagine. That's crazy. I bet it did. Yeah, I practiced at a nursing community college for my first seven years of my career. What? I kind of love it. At a nursing community college? Yes. Yes. Just out there crossing up 78-year-old Jerry. Yeah, like what is it? Okay, all right. Go on, I like it. So I went to preschool there and the Blazers practiced at that same facility. So you'd be sitting there like eating a caniche in the cafeteria. And Jerome Cursey and Clyde Drexler would walk by. R.I.P. R.I.P. Yeah, gotcha. And it was just amazing. The town, the city has always loved the Blazers. We have two soccer teams now, but we are primarily a one sport town for most of my life. So I just fell in love with them then and I assumed that it was a, oh, we go to the finals every couple of years' experience for the rest of my life. And it has not been the case, but it started like that. That's awesome. So you've been to a lot of games, obviously. Also, Portland's one of the hardest, craziest fans that we've ever played there. I love playing at Portland. It's awesome playing there, especially in the post-season. My least favorite game ever, obviously, was when that dagger put me out of my misery. That's my worst game ever in Portland. What is your favorite game you've ever been to as a Portland and what's your least favorite game you've ever been to? I'm actually glad you brought that up because I happen to be at the game where Damien Lillard hit the shot over you. Oh no. Yeah. Y'all believe the snare that day. Hell of a shot. You've heard it louder in the Rose Garden than I think it's ever been in the Rose Garden before. I think even louder than it was. Eat Curl. Not to say any names, but James Harden was supposed to switch. He did it and then just in the, in the statue, it's gonna go up front. It's gonna be my little white ass like this. It would be. That's a weird answer. That would be the picture. You're gonna get half a statue. I'm gonna be the Jalen Rose in the statue. Why are you gonna get like a full arm, though? That's by your name wrong, it's gonna be great. You were there. That's kind of amazing that you were there for his worst. I love that. I was hammered. I was in the crowd. I'm actually in the footage of you hitting that shot. You can find me. I decided to wear a tie at that game for some reason. Yeah. So I'm in the crowd cheering. My arm goes up before it goes in. You knew it. I knew why you, he had you guarding him so I knew it would not. It all comes out now. Okay, so what's the worst game you ever attended? Well, not because of our burgeoning friendship. I'm gonna say that too because I feel so bad for you. Oh, that's nice. Thank you. Thank you. See, just like that, you guys are besties. By the way, I just have to tell you, when I was 13 and the Spurs were playing the Trailblazers for the Western Conference Finals, that was the first time I sports cried. And the Trailblazers, and by the way, this is before anybody here was probably even alive. How many times have you sports cried since? Probably like four, like Chris Paul's, you know, game seven, hits a three. They're all Spurs related. It's a complete sign. Have you ever cried after like an NBA game? See? Like I cried, I lost the state championship. That was the last time I think I cried in like the basketball game. I think fans cry more than you guys, right? And we cry, but they don't really cry. What does that mean? I think you guys care more than I do. I think it means that we're not making like $20 million a year. You guys care, the cheques still cash. Yeah, I don't know like, this is not. And when it leaves, we booze. This is not okay. We discovered something about it. All right, we gotta get to the podcast. All fantasy, everything, and I love this because you guys draft anything and everything. And I'm talking, it doesn't have to be sports. It can be chips, action stars, bald people, which I think is amazing. In the first pick in the things not to do at an NBA game draft, I know this is. What is your first pick? I think my first pick is leave early. Oh, that's a good one. That's a good one. You don't leave early. This is one that kills me, especially this season in Portland, every game I've gone to when I'm back home in Portland, people are increasingly leaving early and that's not what you do. That's how we need to separate ourselves from the Miami fans, the Laker fans. Blazers fans stay. Thank you. And we watch our team get beat by the Atlanta. That's fine, but you stay good, bad, and ugly. Best halftime show. First pick. All right, first pick. And this is almost a career achievement pick. I know. More than it is a right now pick, but it's gotta go to Red Panda. Red Panda, yeah. Who's Red Panda? What? Lou, who else? Even if you don't know Red Panda, you know Red Panda, Red Panda. What's the act? The woman on the giant unicycle with the plates. Oh, that's my favorite. She kicks them up on her head. Michelle, look at me. Do I supposed to know her name as Red Panda? If a person's named Red Panda, you should know. I'm a little busy at halftime machine. Ian, this is why fans and players can't get along. It doesn't even know her name. No, well, that's probably the worst thing I've ever seen in a game plan. It's not a meta or anything. They don't see the halftime. We don't see it. Ian, we're gonna move on to college basketball here. You went to Portland State University, who have zero final four appearances. Are you into March Madness? And who are you rooting for this year? Are you following at all? I always have a soft spot for the Oregon Ducks, but no, I just recorded a stand-up special last weekend. So then, not as in touch with March Madness as I normally am. Who should I be rooting for this year? North Carolina. Or Nancy Sight. I can't root for North Carolina. So you know what's interesting about North Carolina? He said, North Carolina has the same average age as the Oklahoma City Thunder. So I can't root for that. They're like Van Wilder over there. They're 23 years old playing college basketball. Bunch of guys getting their doctorates? What's going on out there? Yeah, a bunch of med students. Well, that's how it used to be back when they'd stay four years. We're just going back. I know how it's like five, six years. Seven, eight, yeah. COVID. You get the transfer year. It's unbelievable. I mean, even I've retired since COVID. Like, they got to go home. Ian, if you, okay, I'll give you a team. NC State has this big dude named DJ Burns. Little baby Zebo. Yeah, and he's like, he's adorable. He has a side hustle that he tells all of his teammates about where he has vending machines and he's making, just love. Yeah, cause you can't root for the dude. Oh, I like this guy. You're gonna like this guy. Do you Google him? He got snacks. He has a full unit. Yeah, he's a, he's settled down channel. He looks like a dude who's like cooking everybody a 24 hour fitness. He looks exactly like that guy. And he's got game. And he does. And he's lovable. So yes, that's the one. NC State is the one. We're gonna do a little rookie of the year here because for the entire season, since day one, it's Chad Holongran and that's all they talk about. And I've been obviously fighting the good Wemby fight, which will clearly be right. Where are you on this controversial debate? I think it clearly needs to go to school because I had schooled as my early pick. He did have it. I had him as my early pick and it didn't, it hadn't went my way. It hasn't, but lately he's really, he's really been playing. He's run through the rookie wall and the rookie wall has shattered around him. Chad Holongran, I mean, if we're being completely serious about it, it can't be Chad Holongran. A, not a rookie. Thank you. Not a rookie. Thank you. B, he's surrounded by, I mean, if you put Victor Wemba and Yama in Chad Holongran's place on the Thunder, he will be putting up even crazier stats than he is right now in San Antonio. Chet's amazing. He's great. We're very lucky we get to watch him in the NBA for the next, you know, 10, 15 years. But Wemba and Yama is doing stuff already. That makes me... But he's losing every time you do it. He is, but it's not his fault. Like, which guy would you take on your team going for? Thank you. No, that's not the argument. 100%. But there's one guy that's averaged 17, 8, and 3 on the best team in the West. There's one guy averaged in, what, a 19. We're speaking as athletes. On the worst team in the West. We're speaking as athletes. That's our only argument is, okay, this guy's doing it on a shit team. The other guy's doing it on the best team. Well, who, do the Celtics have a rookie on their team this year? Because then we should just give it to him, right? Yeah, exactly. And by the way, he's surrounded by good players. He's had a whole extra year of this. Yeah, but sort of Blake Griffin, he won rookie of the year. Victor Wemba, Yama. I don't think that's right either. He has been a pro for five years already. Oh, so now the Europe game is all comparable. But usually we're like, what's not to see? It's comparable to the kids sitting out and working out every day. And I can't take it anymore. What I'm hearing is that we need to reach a compromise. And that compromise lives in Portland, Oregon. It's scooted inside. All right, scooted is. I'm good, I'm good with it. It was scooted to make me look like a genius. I'm down for it. It's true. It's a long game. Don't worry. You're gonna get born out in five, six years when he's getting his first statue, the first statue that a current NBA player gets in front of an arena. It's cute. Did you happen to watch the Clippers six years game last night and see the current? I didn't. Did you see this? Where he just goes individually, ethers and offends every referee and then decides to go with their mothers calling them all bitches. Yes, I did. I didn't see the game, but I did catch that particular highlight. And then I counted another 43 times throughout the course of the evening. Oh my God. God, I love it so much. It's unbelievable. Have you, hey, by the way, you need to use this in one of your next stand-ups. Anytime you get heckled or booed, just go with them and their mothers. Have you ever done anything like this? I unfortunately have done something like that. If you do it at the end of the set, it goes okay. If you do it at the beginning, it's kind of hard to get the crowd back. I will. The timing is everything. An hour of awkwardness. If he captured that and put it up on Instagram, by the way, that would be one of the bigger crowd work lips. So I've seen before, he'd probably get his followers real fast. Late last season, you tweeted, you would kill for Dylan Brooks if he were a trailblazer. Why Dylan Brooks? You get me, Ian. I just kind of think that's the guy you want on your team. When he's on the other team, you're like, I hope a bear eats him. I hope he falls off a bridge. Like, you hate that guy. But when that person is on your team, out there instigating on your behalf, yes, sometimes it goes wrong. Sometimes it ends up with LeBron taking it personally and then taking that out on your team. But that's what LeBron does anyway. But every like, you guys tell me, does the player like Dylan Brooks ever get in your head to the point where it throws off your game a little bit? No, he's just, that's what he does. He's like a Patrick Beverly. That's his role. But again, you do like it when it's on your team, but when it's not on your team, it's cringy. It's eye rolling. It's awesome. Cringy and eye rolling, but does it ever take you out of your game? Are you ever like, I want to hit a shot over this guy until you take a shot you wouldn't normally take? Wait, so you're saying you don't think LeBron's, I think LeBron remembers it and that he uses it. Maybe it's backfiring for Dylan Brooks, but... No, is that the only time we've seen LeBron and go get 40 points? Like, no. I love Dylan Brooks. I'm with you, Ian. I think he's hilarious. He's a character. I just love having a villain. The more characters we have... I'm down for that. I like it. In the league who are just like, oh, we got this guy tonight. And then you get to watch his antics in addition to the game. I think it makes for a more enriching fan experience. Well, Draymond might be available. No. Yeah, by the way, would you want Draymond on your team? Would you want that smoke in Portland? Not this team. I think it would be a bad experience for both parties if he joined this team. But if it was the Blazers team from 2019, 2018, would love Draymond Green on that team. I mean, he is good at what he does. The, you know, 61 games, he's not suspended. Exactly. I think that's annoying. When's the special come out, Ian? It's gonna come out sometime in June. We don't have an exact date yet. But the special, the book, everything drops at the same time. Good busy month. All right, we appreciate the time so much. Maybe the Troubles would be good in a couple of years and we'll still be on the air. And then we can have like a whole big party. It'd be great. I'll come back to celebrate when it's Cooper Flagg, Scoot, and then... Oh, there it is. I like that for you. All right, we're doing that. It's Tron's Wagner. Carmel, we'll be back.