 hear what's happening, I'll give you an update. All right, Heather just popped in. Question, if my end goal is marriage, should I mention that up front or should I simply say I'm looking for a committed relationship? Does the M words scare even the good ones away? Well, here's the thing about, and by the way, great question, Heather. I think, you know, after my divorce, I think for the first year after my divorce I didn't want to get remarried. That was the last thing I wanted to do. So I guess it depends on how far apart his last significant relationship was. And so I don't look at marriage as the always the end all be all. I would say certainly a committed relationship with the idea, you could simply say, you know, I'm looking for a relationship where we spend three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interest, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills, both in our personal and our professional life, intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy, that leads to either moving in together or getting married at some point. So you've kind of outlined how you'd like it to look, okay? And you've kind of said, look, I'm good with either moving in together or getting married or possibly living together apart, which means that you basically have your two established homes and you make a fully committed relationship from that. So I don't think you have to say the M word, but I will tell you this, when a person doesn't know what they want, it's hard, you know, this is why, look it, express what you want. Use the narrative I just said, okay? And just say, what are you looking for? Well, I'm just looking for something casual. I don't want anything serious. You know, I'm just not ready for anything serious. I'm not ready for anything serious. And I'm not really ready for anything serious. I just want something casual light. I just don't want no pressure. I just, I want no drama. I just want everything casual and light. I don't want anything serious. Well, guess what? When you want something serious, then you can get my fucking vagina, okay? That's when my, that's when my vagina actually becomes worthy of the man who says, I think I want something, not with you, you just want commitment. Here's the thing. A lot of guys are clueless. They're running around, they're winging it. They're winging it, they're winging it. They're operating from the place of when I see her, I'll fall in love instead of saying I want commitment and then I'll see her. I think Wayne Dyer says it like this. He goes, most people operate, I'll believe it when I see it. I'll believe it when I see it. I'll believe it when I see it. Instead of operating, excuse me, I'll believe it when I see it. I'll believe it when I see it. I'll believe it when I see it. Versus when I believe it, I will see it. When I believe it, I will see it. And what I mean is when they believe in commitment, then they'll find commitment. But if they're hoping for some magic fairy dust to change them, look it. This is why the dating marketplace, as I said earlier, is a cluster fuck out there because you don't know if he values you yet because you don't know if he values commitment yet. And that's just my rant on that. So Heather, thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it. All right. Let's go swim in. Kim says, question. You know you're amazing, right? Thank you, I appreciate that. Yeah, I'd like to think I'm pretty amazing. Not in a arrogant way, just in a value myself way. Okay, question. Do middle-aged men really want relationship or are most looking for casual situations? So the answer is most are looking for casual situation because the milk is free. Most of them, it's easy to get casual because the challenge with mid-life, look it, Brady Bunch fucked it up for everybody because they made it look like it's so, this is mid-life folks. They made it think like, oh, it's just so easy. You've got Carol, whatever her maiden name was with three children. You got Mike Brady with his three children. He had, they had Alice, the housekeeper. They could just, she could move into their home and just magically work out. She didn't have to work. She even had someone cleaning the house and do a shit. She didn't have to go work every day. She didn't have to carpool. She didn't have to go through a contentious divorce. I think they were both widowers or we found out later she was divorced, okay? At least in the sequel movie. I think in the original storyline, they're both widowers. So they didn't have a contentious ex. They didn't have contentious children. They made it all work out and their biggest problem was one bathroom for six kids. My point in bringing this up is, most people have no fucking clue how to navigate the baggage in their life, both their emotional baggage and their actual baggage. And I'm using the term baggage. Men and women alike have so much fucking baggage in midlife that it's, the problem is blending lives with someone and because they don't know how to cognitively do this because they haven't read books like eight dates by doctors John and Julie Gottman. By the way, before the penis ever goes inside the vagina, both of you should be at least reading chapter one in this book because at least you'll learn the mechanics to a healthy, happy relationship. And sadly, most of you are naive to this and most of you don't stand up for yourself. Listen, if you ever want to have a chance, and by the way, I'm not saying stand up for yourself in a, look, I talk about the book why men love bitches. I don't mean an actual bitch, a real fucking pain in the ass type of person. I mean a bitch is she's in her powerment and she expresses her needs, wants and desires in a way that can be seen, heard and understood. Ooh, let me repeat that needs, wants and desires expressing her needs, wants and desires in a way that's seen, heard and understood. Sadly, most you women, I put you down just as much as I put men down. You vomit your feelings and then you wonder why it's a clusterfuck. If you haven't read the book, Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg, I highly recommend reading this book, Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg, so you can learn how to better communicate in relationship. Here's another book you should, by the way, I should all be reading Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters. So you can actually start tapping into you ladies, you all think you're so fucking good at this. And believe me, you're not. And you know I know this because I've gone out with what feels like 10,000 women. And so few of you actually know how to communicate. You all think just because you vomit words doesn't mean you're communicating with a person. Just because you vomit words doesn't mean you're communicating with a person. In fact, I posted something on Instagram. I'm gonna, if I think I did. So it says here, this is a meme, okay? Eventually you will stop thinking, let me just read it. Eventually you'll stop thinking that communication is key and realize comprehension is key. You can communicate all you want to someone, but if they don't allow different ideas in their view, way of thinking, or you don't allow for it, it's useless. Real comprehension is the way, listen, if you can't articulate your feelings and they can't comprehend it, you're not communicating with one another. I think I just went off on a tangent. So Shelley, let me go back to your question. So coming back to you, roughly about 20% of men, okay. 20% of men are users, 60% are spenders and 20% are growers. So to answer your question, most are the users and spenders. And you've got to learn how to bet for the growers. That's why you hire me, schedule a call with me if you want to learn how to do that. All right, thank you, Shelley, I appreciate it.