 The Anderson Family Now, Oliver, when Christine arrives this afternoon, please help me. She's an old schoolgirl friend. How long is she gonna stay? I have no idea. Probably only a few minutes. Is that the babe who's trying to get into pictures? Yes, she's just been married, so please be careful how you talk to them. I don't think I'm even gonna talk to them. Oliver, Christine would just love to go home and tell everyone I married a stoop. A stoop? What's a stoop, Mom? Quiet. Okay, I'll show them how a stoop really acts. No, please, Oliver. Spying on you so they can report I'm a stoop. He didn't say that. Well, I intend to, according to you. Uh-oh, here we go again, folks. The Anderson Family Let's visit the Anderson Family. Well, this whole thing started when Mary received a wire that a school-day girlfriend is going to drop in on her for a short visit. The young lady is bringing her new husband with her, and needless to say, Mary is determined to make a good impression. Hurry now, Junior. Get all the papers off the back porch and then come in and help Mother move this chair over the worn place in the rug. Gee, Mom, is this a visit or an event? Gosh, why don't you act like you always do? Because when you have company, Junior, you have to exert yourself a bit to make their visit pleasant. Well, if you haven't seen her for years, why do you care, Mom? Well, because I do. Now run on and get your work done. Mom, that's kind of cheating. She'll think we're always like this. Oh, you just don't understand, Junior. I have to make her think I'm happy. A nice home, lovely son, money in the bank. Is Pop going to meet him, too? Oh, I wish you wouldn't bring that up now. I have enough to worry about. Run on. Your father will be here any minute. Call me when Pop gets home. I don't want to see this. I suppose the door is locked. Well, it's Mr. Anderson. Well, I'm sorry. You're so late. Oh, I stopped over and talked a few minutes with J.J. Tuttle. He has a new remedy he's going to make called use back. Well, tell me about it some other time and take hold of the other end of this radio. Now, wait. I've worked all day. We can do this housework Saturday. Do no such thing, Oliver, here. Read this. A wire. Now, wait. Your father wasn't here only. It's not father. Arriving on 8 o'clock train will be thrilled to see you bringing Roland with me. Christine. Christine Johnson might school with her. You wouldn't know her. You mean she's just barging in with no notice? Well, the only thing that counts is she's arriving at 8. We have 20 minutes to meet the train. Well, why don't I take the newly wedged to a hotel? Oliver Anderson, I'm about frantic as it is. I can't treat people like they weren't welcome. I'm not. Well, I should think you'd try to help instead of having it all fall on my shoulders. Now, wait, honey. Calm down. I wanted to think I married well. I wanted to feel that she isn't the only one who made a success of her life. Oh, come on, honey. Why pretend? Let's just be normal. Well, Oliver Anderson, I'll not ever go back to pleasant well and talk about me. She never did like me very well and I know why she's coming here. Well, I'll meet the train and tell her we've moved. You'll do as I ask you. Meet the train. Be pleasant. Make her feel welcome. Oh, I do so want the people back home to know how happy I am. Okay, honey. You can count on me. Now, you go ahead. I'll take Junior down to the train with me. They're bound to see him sooner or later anyhow. They come in this gate, Pop. Mom said she was a blonde and rather a prominent front teeth. All I'll have to do is look for teeth and hair. All right. You look for the hair and I'll watch her. I think this is the lady, Pop, coming over toward this post. Blonde hair, prominent teeth. Brother, she isn't kidding. Oh, hello there. Is this Christine? Oh, you're Mr. Anderson. That's right. I would have known it in a moment just like Mary wrote. Only a little older. Well, this is Junior and Mary's boy. I've heard so many nice things about you. Oh, you darling. Looks just like his mother. Well, little? Yes. Shall I take your bags? Oh, bring them. Oh, excuse me. Mr. Anderson, this is Roland Bill Javent, my husband. Oh, hello there, Roland. Put your hat back on your head, Roland. This man is not a producer. Oh, I'm happy to make your acquaintance, I think. Well, shall we go? Well, just so. I mean, you're back, you're back, you're back. Mary can't wait till she sees us. She's thrilled to death. May I carry one of those grips for you, sir? Oh, of course, here. Take this one. Junior meant the little one, Mr. Rone. Is riding on trains make Roland ill? Oh, no. He's ridden on them before. But he hates to call in people he doesn't know. That's all. Roland and I should get along fine. Our car is over here. Mama's waiting for it. Just think. 13 years since I've seen Mary. I wonder if she still has straight hair. Darling, how are you? Let me look at you. I'm so happy I could cry. Oh, do put your things over there and come on in the other room. I don't know what to tell you first, Mary. Oh, I'm rolling there. Oh, yes, of course. I'm not used to having a husband. This is Roland Bills Haven. Mary, my husband. Oh, how nice. How do you do? Roland is assistant teller at the Farmer's Bank over in Springville. And he gave up his career to bring me here. Oh, are you going to locate out here, Christine? Oh, yes, of course. I have a letter from Mr. Webber to give me a few starring roles and pictures. Gee, are you going to be a movie star? You can just bet I am. And nothing is going to stop me. That's the spirit. Now, how do you feel about it, Roland? Oh, I suppose it'll be boring, but I'll go through with it because I love Christine with a love that is deeper than the deepest ocean. I'd like to see that in a man, Roland. Of course it wears off a little later on. Yes, I guess that sort of thing could become a notness, Roland. Will you have a cigarette, Roland? I don't smoke. Roland neither smokes, drinks, or plays cards. You cook, Roland? I abhor the kitchen. Oliver, dear, will you help Junior get dressed for dinner? Help him? Oh, my God. Oh, sure, of course. Excuse me, folks. Come on, Junior. Yeah, excuse me. Of course we will. You run right along. We dress for dinner. Well, probably afraid I'd raise my voice to Roland. Well, what shall I wear for dinner? Well, just change your shirt and comb your hair. Well, I always do that. Well, do it again. Did you get that remark about her going to be a picture star? Well, yeah, but she has a letter, Pop. Yeah, well, listen. Your mother could give her ten minutes to start in the powder room and make Christine look like the back row of a Burlesque chorus. Well, gee, Pop, like Mom says, you're not showing the right attitude. Never mind my attitude. If she didn't go home and tell all Mary's friends how I acted, I'd really make her visit a nightmare. Good morning, darling. Well, Oliver Anderson, if you don't hurry out, scream. We'll be right there, Mom. Now, don't worry, honey. I'll pass the stuff to Christine first. Oh, and the husband makes me so nervous. Oh, come now. In ten minutes, I'll have me eating out of your hand or else on his way to the railroad station. Oliver, dear, will you bring the soup? Right away, Mary. My? You've a perfectly trained husband, Mary. Does he always help this way? Well, he does now, but it took a lot of patience on my part. I do hope Rowland will cooperate. Excuse me, Christine. It's hot. Oh, my goodness. I should say it is. And you, Rowland? What kind of soup is this? Split pea. I don't eat it. These peas are different. They're split sideways. Junior, please, you're spilling your milk. I don't care for any. Thank you. Okay, Mary. Thanks. How about you, Junior? Oh, yes. Thank you. We'll spend a few minutes with the soup, but there's more coming. You just read the paper, Rowland. Thank you. Comics are on page eleven. Rowland, dear, you're not yourself. You're generally so quick with woody answers. Please leave me be, Christine. Don't nag. Oh, Mary, I must tell you. Remember Creeper's Christiansen, the boy with six fingers? Uh, vaguely, yes. Well, he married a girl from the city and when he brought her home, people just gasped. What's the matter? Do you have two heads? Well, no, but she was a sight. And they have three children now, and oh, I know what I wanted to tell you. Remember that little dark girl, Irma Crumps, who sat right behind you in the eighth grade? What was the matter with her? Oh, nothing. But I do remember that day the teacher sent you home to have your hair combed. Remember that. It seems as though I do. I guess the wind had blown it. And the wind was curled. Well, yes, but remember, I was young then, Christine. If you'll excuse me, Mama, I'll take the plates. All right, all right, go ahead, Junior. But look out now. Be quiet. You'll wake Roland. I hope you'll excuse Roland. But strangers seem to subdue his will to be exuberant. But look, don't you think he should take his chin out of the salad? Oh, my goodness. Roland. Roland, dear. Yes, darling. You're right. Roland, darling, please, you're tied. Well, have I eaten yet? Not yet. Then why am I sitting here? Just be patient, dear. You've had a long, tired day. Mary, would you mind very much if Roland retired early? Of course not, if he can make it. I do seem to be sort of worn thin. Possibly I should tub and retire, darling. Oh, I'm so sorry. Oliver, come help me put Christine's things in their room. Oh, oh, oh, sure, sure, sure. Hey, folks, I'll be right back. Why don't you act like a human being, Roland? They bore me. What do you think they're doing to me? There isn't a hotel room in town. She's the type of person I have. What are you doing in our bedroom? Oh, gee, I don't know, Mom. And I know it isn't the thing to say, but gosh, I wish they'd never come. Oh, come now, honey. Don't give it another thought. Nah, they don't worry us. Not a bit. What the thing she said about Mom? She doesn't do it to be mean, darling. She's just reminiscing. But surely you did something that was all right when you were young? Sure. She married me. Yeah. Yeah, she probably thinks that was a mistake, too, Pop. Yeah, I know. I wish I could put some cinders in their bed. Oliver, I don't... Oh, you don't know when we can get some, do you, Pop? Shh, quiet, please. They'll hear you. Christine was always like this. I understand her. Now, let's just all relax. I'm going to relax, but I'm also thinking of a way to bounce that gopher face. Why, Oliver? The kid likes it. Oh, now her teeth aren't bad at all, Oliver. Her teeth aren't bad. Those teeth! She's the only woman I ever saw who could eat corn on a cob through a picket fence. Oh, Steve, Pop, we should tell them that. Don't worry. Tell them what I'll do. I'll have them out of this house in an hour from now. Back to the Anderson family. A girlfriend of Mary's has dropped in to see her. Mary is trying very hard to make an impression on her, so the report back in Mary's hometown will be a good one. A junior rather goes along with his father and disliking both the girl and her husband and is told, Mary, that he'd do what he can to send her on her way. Oliver isn't too sure of success because right now he's trying to talk junior out of his upper bunk for the night. Oh, look, there's nothing wrong with the back porch, Junior. You're young and healthy. Well, that's pretty cold out there, Pop. That isn't the idea. Of course it's cold, but I'll see that you have a couple of extra blankets. Gee, look, just like camping out in the woods. Mom says I don't get my rest out there. Well, you slept out there when your grandfather was here? Well, sure, but it was summer then and warm. Look, just get it out of your head that you're gonna talk me into sleeping out there. Oliver, I've put the bed clothes out on the back porch. Yeah, I know. I was just talking to Junior about it. You're going to sleep out there, Oliver. No, wait just a minute. Not me. But, darling, Junior must have eight hours of uninterrupted sleep each night. I don't care about that. I'm not sleeping on that back porch. Chapman's dog barks at six and wakes me up. Oh, Shucks, you don't have to worry about that. If you pull the covers over your head, you won't hear the dog pop. That's the way I did. I don't care how you arranged it. I'm not sleeping on that porch. Put Roland out there. Now, isn't that lovely? You'd treat a guest that way? I don't like it. I think the feeling's mutual. Why can't I just climb in with Junior for the night? Oh, gee, Pop, it'll hardly hold me, honest. Ah, it's ridiculous. These bunk beds are built to hold grown people. Well, there's not room, Oliver. Look, we'll make room. But, Pop... Just tell your friends that I'm retiring. Oliver, I won't say it again. You're sleeping on the back porch. Now, wait, look, here's what I mean. I can get way back in the box. See, when Junior gets out in the morning, he won't even wake me. What are you doing, Oliver? I'll show you what I mean. Now, here. I'll get up there and show you what I mean. You better use the ladder, Pop. Ah, ladder. That's for sissies. I see. The springs. Junior, lift that end up. Okay. Give me your hand, Mary. Here. Now, you're up. You come. Come on, Pop. Striking a woman. I didn't strike her. Now, get out of here. Mary Darling, let me help you up. I'm sorry, Rowland, so all of this... You're positively revolting. Ah, look, I didn't strike her. I'd expect you to say that. Oh, Christine, don't be ridiculous. Shall I strike him, Christine? No, Rowland. Don't bring yourself to his level. Look, get this fop body here before I wind this bedpost around his neck. Oh, I've never been so insulted in my life. Well, it's the first time forever. Come, Rowland, and control your temper. Well, you better listen to her, Rowland. That's the first sensible thing she said today. Now, look, Christine, this was an accident. There's no reason for this excitement. Just calm down and go out with Rowland. I'll be right with you. I'll be right with you after 13 years with him, and you can have Tom. Oliver Anderson, I've never been so humiliated in my life. You haven't. Who fell through the bed? Yeah, that brings us up to sleeping again, Mom. All right, you and Mom figured out. I know where I can get a good night's sleep. Now, Oliver, don't you go over to Meister's garage and disturb poor Mr. Tuttle. Listen, I'm going to get a night's sleep regardless of who it disturbs. The air is quite chilly. Careful, and don't step in that oil on the floor. Oil? Don't tell me you're drilling for oil in here. No, no, it's that peasant Homer. He changed oil in the car and the pan leaked. Now, my boy, to what may I attribute this late call? I was just wondering, uh, how it affects for sleeping facilities over here. Sleeping facilities? Yeah. When I was married, there's no room for more than one, since Homer stored that old couch out here. Why do you ask? Oh, some schoolgirl friend of Mary's and her husband are using our beds for the night. Oh, me. I know what you mean. Oh, do you? I remember when Esther and I were first married. Esther? Yes. Esther was my second wife. Oh, I see. Yes, friends would drop in and stay. Finally, I had to put my foot down. Poor Esther was so tired when she left to work for work each morning, I was afraid they would terminate her. Well, how'd you get rid of her? It's a very simple matter. Is it? In fact, I'd rather do it for you than listen to your confounded snoring out here all night. You don't insult them, do you? Oh, no, no, no. Of course not. Oh, come on. Just how good a friend is this schoolgirl? Well, I don't think she's a friend at all. Just remembers the bad things about Mary. Nothing good. She says she's going to be a star in pictures. Ah, just the type I love to play with. As a cat doth a mouse. Mary won't stand for any rough stuff now, JJ. Rough stuff? That's medieval. When I get through with them, they're on the train before they know it. You run on now, and I'll be right with you. No, no, no. I'd rather you go back with me. Very well. But let me warn you, don't contradict the thing I say. And here's what I'll do. All right, I'll go along with you. Help routine to be a well-known personality who just arrived from the city. Mr. Turtle's with me. Come on in, JJ. Now, let me handle this, Oliver. Go ahead. Oh, Mr. Turtle. I'd like to have you meet some friends of mine. Well, well, happy indeed. But you have so many friends, Mary, my dear. This is Mr. and Mrs. Bill Chapman. Ah, how do you do? Pleasant fellow over here. Yes, and I assume you're strangers in our fair city. Yes, that's true. I'm going to be in pictures. Pictures, oh, wonderful. However, I can perceive that you are a newcomer to our provision. We call it the cinema. Oh, you're in pictures? Oh, wonderful. Sure, for years, the old school. Why don't you sit down, Mr. Turtle? Mary, JJ does better when he's standing up. Go on, tell Christine more, JJ. My? And you call him JJ? Surely, yes, my dear girl. We're old friends. For a while, you know, Mary was rather perturbed with me for insisting she be the lead in my play. Foreign and the tulips. A predricate corn production. You mean Mary? Mary Anderson? Oh, my wife. Please, Mr. Turtle. Now, now, now, don't be muddies, Mary, my dear. Ah, me, I can remember how I pleaded with Mary to take her test. I can hardly believe it. I remember Mary had such straight hair in school. Straight hair? My, my, I could name a dozen of my closest associates who started out life with straight hair. And now they're on straight salary. Yes. Mr. Turtle, Mary's skin was never very good. I understand you have to have a good skin. A good skin? My goodness, Mrs. Bilgevin, Mary here has what we call the Cleeg Stimuli. Short for camera skin, sought after by many of our best producers. Roland, we aren't keeping you up, are we? I'm comfortable, thank you. Oh, well, maybe I should put on a little coffee. It isn't too late. Coffee? Oh, yes, yes, of course. It would be splendid, Mary. Yeah, it won't take but a minute. I just can't understand it at all, Mr. Turtle. The manager of the theater at home told me I had the perfect face and skin for pictures. And I was always the lead in our school plays. My dear young lady, that is behind you. Forget it. Erase it from your mind and start over. What does your husband do? An assistant cashier at our bank at home. And a mighty good one, too. End me, lad, all you happy here, Mr. Bilgevin. I can answer that. You're the type who would never consent to be called the husband of that star. You have too much fire. My dear chap, your personality scintillates too much determination in your makeup. Er, I am somewhat tenacious. Then you think I am wasting my time, Mr. Turtle? Certainly not. We never know till we try, my dear. Some of my friends have tried for years. Homes have been broken up. Lives have been thrown to the wolves. And how me heart aches when I see you two young people just starting out in life. It reminds me of Esther in a second way. J.J., show Christine what you mean by that kind of skimp. Are you a dermatologist? Well, I dabble in it a bit, yes. You mean you've never heard of blister effects for tired feet and that wonderful remedy used back? I hope you don't think I'm stupid, Mr. Turtle. Of course not, of course not. We all do foolish things when the bloom of youth rests lightly upon us. Then you think it's foolish for me to go on with my career? Let's go back home, Christine. Yeah, sure. Oh, my yes. Had I but the foresight. The vision which your husband possesses, Mrs. Bilgehaven, I would have made a success of my life. But for you it's not great. Oh, it's terrible for me to be running out this way. The coffee will be ready in a couple of minutes. Ah, Mary! Step to the later moment, my dear. Please, under the lamp. Under the lamp? Why? Just to test us all, Mary, go on. Yes, I would like to show Mrs. Bilgehaven what I mean. There, there, now. Now, now, chin up, come on. Just a little bit to the left, please. Relax the facial muscle. Relax your face, Mrs. Bilgehaven. Yes, that's fine. Now, hold it, hold it, just like that. Yes, yes. Now, Mrs. Bilgehaven, come close, please. I'll show you what the expert looks for in a skin. All right. Professional secret. Oh, this is so silly, Jay. Well, I... Now, you'll notice the closeness of the pores in Mary's skin. What? The lack of oily surfaces which catch the lights in the camera's eye. And notice, too, the texture of the hair. The stem, we call it. It's what we call versatile straight. Now, we take that hair and make it do anything we desire. Because of the chemical which we know in the trade is scravenic. No, you're scravenic. I don't think I care to discuss it any further, Mr. Tuttle. You don't have a chance, Christine. Let's go home. Oh, my dear, I hope I haven't hurt you feelings. Some of the skins I inspect have pores which under the gloss look like a slice of Swiss cheese. Oh. I abhor cheese. Well, Mr. Tuttle, it's getting rather late now, and I think... JJ, stand for coffee, Mary. There's a train at 11, Christine. Let's get back. Oh, no. No, please, Christine. I guess Roland knows what he wants to do, Mary. I think you're right, Roland. It does me heart proud, Mr. Bill Haven, to see such fine family spirit. And in the years to come, I pray that you will think kindly of the old man who showed you the way to real happiness. Army, I may even drop in at the bank in the future and pay a friendly call. He means when the bank's open at the first. Oh, my, my, my. If you're going to catch that 11 o'clock train, you'd better hurry. Mr. Anderson, I started out hating you, Byron. That's all right. Everybody does that. But I certainly think Mary should be very happy to have found such an understanding person. You might mention that around town when you get home. Mary, dear, I owe this all to you. I'd have blindly staggered on, determined to be something which I could never, never be. Yeah, mention that too around Pleasantville, will you? Oliver, do you really have to go now, Christine? Yes, Mary. This has been a bad dream. I want to put it behind me. Roland and I were meant to stay at home. Army, it is such wonderful people that this great country can well boast and the best of luck to you both. You've shown us the way to real happiness. Together Christine and I will work out our destiny at the bank, I at the cashier's window, and Christine on the accounts receivable. Ah, gee, it's quiet with them gone, Mary. Oliver Anderson, I've never been so humiliated in all my life. Now, just a minute. How long do you think Roland will have stayed around and starved with her? I don't know. About two weeks. Now they're home and happy. What else could you wish for? But the way it was done, Oliver. Oh, yes. An artist to his fingertips. You know, Mary, that cuddle's a mighty handy fellow to have living around you. Well, maybe you're right, dear. Now, is everything taken care of for the night? Yeah. Oh, wait a minute. I'd better get you out of here. Junior? Oh, of course. There's no need of his sleeping out there on that cold porch. I'll go get him. Hey! Yes? There's a note on his clock here. Huh? He's sleeping in Homer's garage tonight. The Anderson family is written by Howard Swart, directed by Herb Lytton, and features Dick Lane as Oliver, Louise Arthur as Mary, and Walter Tetley as Junior. Others in the cast were Ginny Johnson, Doug Young, and George Perroni. Music by Gordon Kibbe, sound effects by Ray Erlenborn, and your announcer is Ken Peters. The Anderson family, is a Hollywood broadcaster's production transcribed from Hollywood.