 I don't want to set up a camera for this, um, I just got off the phone and apparently one of my friends has committed suicide, so it's another friend that I've lost. And I know it's not like, I know it's not, like, I don't know. I'm so sick of losing everyone. It really is. I just can't deal with losing people anymore. It's so hard. It's so hard. It's so fucking hard. Don't let me drive. Oh look, I'm looking so attractive. Um, as you saw from the intro to it, I just lost someone. I'm only filming this now because everything I'm feeling is how everyone feels. I think, I don't know, I'm making this just because I need to get this out there. If you're feeling suicidal, please reach out to someone. Please reach out. Do you want to talk to your family? Do you want to talk to someone? Don't just go ahead and do it. Just talk to someone. I think she was going through this as well. I just got a deal with it, so I didn't answer the phone. So it's like, please, please reach out to someone. If someone calls you and you're like going through this stuff, don't just ignore that call. Like, I can hear you. You've got PTSD awareness and fucking... because I was like, what if I answered the phone? What if it was God? I've not yet written a name or photos because someone asked me not to. And I respect that. I think people can message me and do something. It just happened and I'm in the right frame of mind to answer. That's why it happened. I've just ignored it all. Filming this on Sunday. Um, it's currently Sunday. I don't know what day it is. I can't do anything but cry. This is someone that I grew up with that... was there with me when I was dealing with my EU disorder. It's worked. Someone that was there with me when I first started to kill myself. She came to the A&E department to be with me. And even when I said breast and what just happened, she still came. Don't fucking see me. I didn't answer the wonderful king phone call because I didn't... because I wanted to fucking sleep. And I'll never speak to her again. Because I don't see her. But it is not education. I'm sort of... I don't understand how people can message me and be like, oh you're such an inspiration. You really helped me. I mean, well, everyone around me dies. I'm not a cry to the number. I always say to my friends though, if you're going through something, just call me and that's that. I try to be... I just spoke to her for an hour and she might have felt a bit more inspirational just because I talk about my life. I don't see how people find it helpful. I don't understand how people find it helpful. Just people who don't be done. I'm not using people. And I'm not necessarily terrified of it. You know, it's just my life. I have to keep going. And I've just asked one too many people now to talk about mental health to the end of the fucking Earth. I can sit and talk about my life. I couldn't do that. But once something happens, I just don't know. I feel so out of control. It's just... It's the worst feeling ever. It's such a mess if you feel like doing something to yourself or to anyone just for help. I don't care if it's the fucking ambulance. I don't care if it's the week. I don't care if it's a help. I didn't reach out to support. The thing that's hurting me the most is that we had been talking on Facebook and we was planning like the summer. I didn't know who she was even struggling at the moment. I didn't know she had stuff going on at the moment. I should have been there. I should have answered the phone. I shouldn't have done something. It just makes me think. Like how many messages I haven't read on Facebook. I don't know how many messages I haven't read on Instagram and Twitter. Like what if these people are asking for help and they do that? I just ended up in that room because I didn't answer them up. It terrifies me. It terrifies me. I thought that people could have died because I didn't answer them. That's actually happened though. This is someone that I grew up with. This is someone that I've known look good that I've done YouTube. It's someone that I knew before. This is someone who supported me when I needed them. They supported me for my innovation. They supported me through everything. She has someone. I just want to cry and be alone. I feel like I'm not alone when I'm talking to a camera. You did watch this. I hope you're doing okay. If you're not, reach out to someone. Please reach out to someone.