 Hello there lovers and all my friends out there now. I know today's title is a little But I do want to intend this to come across with love and respect But some of you guys in the comments section, especially of late have been getting right underneath my skin And here is why it's these self depreciating self cancelling I can't do it. How dare you try to motivate me comments that feed a negative mentality Because as you can see a lot of these comments that they have lots of thumbs up They have lots of responses in the bottom It's kind of like in gym class when everyone is like hustling and one person is like I'm tired And that gives permission for five other people to be like, yeah, I'm tired too. I just Want for everybody to stop saying that they can't or they shouldn't have to or they've done enough or that they are Tired or that things are different for everybody else and it's easier for everybody else It's easy for me to say or for them to say because they aren't you and being you Automatically means that you can't accomplish things or that you don't have access to certain things in life that you have cancelled Yourself out from the opportunity to live your best life specifically on this channel You have cancelled yourself out from the opportunity to live the best intimate life and to be able to walk into any Room that you want to and control that because of X whatever you have determined in your mind that X is that stops You from being your greatest and best self and there is a community of you guys who really fostered this attitude That it's not fair for you the car just stacked against you. Therefore. You shouldn't really bother trying anything new And that trying anything new is a betrayal to the fact that you should just be allowed to be yourself And that should be enough wouldn't that be great So I decided to go on a date with a guy and I wanted to test something out as you guys know in my full Screenshow I go on ten different dates and test out a different thing every day and this one was directly inspired by these kinds of comments So I was like, okay, what if I went on a date with a dude? And again, I did my research on him and found out what his exact ideal physical type is and I embodied that and then I identified his Exact mental type and I embodied that but here's the kicker. I don't have self-confidence. I doubt myself constantly I'm very insecure. I felt uncomfortable answering questions I asked a lot of questions and I was very engaged and I was very encouraging However, when it came to talking about me or complimenting me I had a real Debbie Downer attitude about myself and my body language reflected that How would this person respond on a date with someone like that? Oh, thank you take a seat As your day going it's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. Just Weird and let's see what else my favorite films fast and furious series Oh What about you? What's your favorite? I'm probably not your type, right? Yeah. Well, I exclusively date black. Yeah. Yeah What's your background? My mom is is half black half white My dad is is Indian. And so I'm not like that's cool That's a great mix. You got a lot of a lot of cool things going on. No, you're very beautiful. Oh, thank you Yeah, you're welcome Wow, thank you. I thought yeah, because like, you know, you just never know and so I was like, oh, this is probably a waste of everyone's time For this yeah, this date you took the whole day off. I don't know. I'm flattered inviting me out after if you are We could hang out after yeah, if you wanted. Oh, I have a shoot tonight. So oh, yeah No, don't be a short hang out if you're busy. I'm not But you're chill. Yeah, I'm cool. Well, I'll let you get on to the rest of your day And yes on this date and on every date I've gone on for this whole entire full-screen experience I have exaggerated the premise and hypothesis. And so if you don't directly see yourself in there Please look for little bits and pieces of that because I'm not expecting that anybody has that much of a self-depreciating lack of confidence But I do see a lot of bits and pieces of those especially in the comment section especially of late as we've gone on these different experiments together and I want to Emphasize to all of you guys who are looking for someone to say that you know what just be yourself go out there Don't try any harder. And that's okay that I'm never gonna be that person for you I'm always going to encourage you to strive harder and to push through and that being ourselves Is an illusion and that's exhausting to say and I'm I feel exhausted saying that out loud But if I could just be myself and that be enough I wouldn't have had to lead my family and move to America I wouldn't have had to go back to school for separate occasions I wouldn't be begging right now this certification program to take me in this professional board to take me on I wouldn't be doing pilots I wouldn't be making three videos a week at this point because my YouTube channel has been struggling like no others this January And for the hell of me I can't figure out why I wouldn't have to keep striving and trying I wouldn't be wearing a mother freaking wig right now because of the fact that I wasn't able to do my hair today If we all didn't have to put our comfort and our pride and admit some of our shortcoming and faults and work around those or work To mask those and yes, I'm sure it would be a better place in a better world If we could get into relationships and let ourself go and stop worrying about being our best selves If we could finally find someone to love us and allow us to be jealous or whatever being yourself or eating junk food For a lot of us that we're looking for that excuse to just let our guts hang out Wouldn't that be great? Or would it? Or would it? We're all subject to have to try a little harder and it frustrates me to see in the comment section you guys say Trying is out of your league There's no point in trying because you were born with a certain ailment that disallows you From attaining the things that I'm talking about because I have natural advantages that you don't Or whoever else it is that you compare yourself to to say well It's easy for them to say if we start playing the game of who has it worse We'll all lose eventually we're going to lose to the person who lives in Sudan We're going to lose to the person who lives in Iraq going to lose to the person in our neighborhood Who has great disadvantages that we can't even begin to relate to so let's not play that game I'm not saying that I have all the answers for you or I'm not telling you that all my tips are perfect But what I'm trying to do is give you guys viable options for how you can work around some of your weaknesses To make better intimate connections and to continue to strive for more Because we are all subject to the human flaw that says Not that's not good enough Whether you are an iphone or whether you are a couch or a person We all are subject to that thing that says that I think we can do better. I think we want better We're not caterpillars and I was having this rant the other day where it's like wouldn't it be grand to be a caterpillar Where you go into cocoon you go through one major change you spend six months Completely revamping yourself and when you come out emerge as a butterfly. That's it You are now complete and you will find your mate based on this transformation that you have done You will find your ideal job based on the singular transformation that you have done and from that point on life becomes free flying Doesn't work that way because once you become a butterfly someone will look at you and say cool. What next? Once you finish school someone's going to say, okay Now what job are you going to get and once you get a job we're going to be like, all right, awesome Don't where you going to live? What house are you going to buy? That is just the nature of why there's a new iphone every single Mother freaking week because we're all Subject to this thing where it says change do better grow growth That's why we have lived in a rapidly advancing society and especially for the past 100 years We've seen ridiculous examples of this and to the point that it may actually become our downfall. That's a different story for a different day Amen to that What i'm really trying to say is i want to find a way to communicate to you That yes, you are enough and you are beautiful and you are glorious and the work that you have put in to be Who you are today is valid and important and we appreciate that But that doesn't mean that it's it and that it's over It doesn't mean that you've done all that you can possibly do because i would love to be in that boat as well too But i don't think that boat exists. I think it's a mirage It's something that's put in the distance in front of us And i think the reason why a lot of people when they become successful aren't fully satisfied is because they have the expectation that when they achieve This place in their life that success means free sailing success means you don't have to keep reinventing and trying hard And doing new things it doesn't mean that and i don't think a successful relationship And i could be wrong on this means that either I think it always means that that struggle to stay on top to be your best self to find new ways of communicating of connecting to find New ways of selling off your strengths and buying your weaknesses to put yourself in a position of power Continues till death do you part? if Maybe not and i don't get me wrong. There are definitely people out there who say that's good enough for me And they find contention with that. I believe if you're on this channel I don't think that that would be what your truth is. I'm looking for the best in life I'm looking for the best out of my partnerships the best out of love the best out of sex the best out of life And no different to that I'm looking for the best out of you as well And I can't get that if you guys form these gangs against me that say you'll never understand What it's like to be a shit is don't try and tell us for a second What we should be doing or how we should be trying because it won't work for me because i'm not you Whatever you or whatever I represent Um to to who you are So I just want to encourage you guys To kick those comments out as a matter of fact I'm now going to delete those comments because I hate when somebody makes that I'm dark skin and big it won't work for me comment and don't get me wrong I will never be somebody who minimizes especially for black women how difficult the experience of being a dark skin black woman is One that I cannot directly relate to but I definitely empathize with because statistically This is the most educated group Statistically this group raises families on their own over and over again and statistically This specific group of people put themselves out there time and time again only to be passed up and never be chosen as the first pick And to be a double minority in that regard is extremely difficult And there are so many challenges against you and I empathize for you because at some point it feels like How much more can I do and give? And why should I bother trying when all the efforts that I put in Haven't gotten me the exact results that I want and the answer to that is Because when we make those small strides eventually those big leaps Even though we can't see them in hindsight because we're the ones inching it along If you really looked back at your life and saw how far you have pushed that massive boulder by yourself so far You would feel so encouraged to continue to push it more and I know when somebody asked you to do more it feels like You don't get it do you and maybe I don't and maybe we don't but at the end of the day Please don't fault me for asking you to try harder Please don't fault me for asking you to try different tips if i'm telling you guys Look potentially you might be too nice and that might be your downfall I know that feels like a really shitty thing to say to somebody because being nice Is supposed to be something beautiful and valuable on this planet But again because we are subject to that drive that says we want to be better Sometimes being nice doesn't bring that out of people and they can end up being resentful towards you for that Don't kill the messenger I'm still learning And i'm still finding out why it is that i'm not reaching my best potential and within my relationship I have to constantly go through these checks and assess and figure out and relearn myself and learn how to be a better person And that is the constant struggle that we're going to go through But if we do it as a community and we all agree that that is a natural normal and healthy part of life And if nobody stops in the gym class and says yo i'm tired. I'm not going anymore Then the rest of us don't feel that same like relief like cool. I'm with that person Don't be with that person be with the teacher be with the leader and i'm with my leaders on this as well too I have had a really Hard month this month and it really had me thinking about this a lot because of the fact that once again I had a pilot put before mtv and It was declined This is my fifth pilot in three years since i've moved to america and spent Ridiculous amounts of money to stay in this country and to fight Only to essentially you know be told a lot of the times that yes, you're good enough But not quite and the reason they declined this recent pilot is because i'm not splashy enough or the show wasn't splashy enough And then they made a comparison to amber rose who's on their platform and said that you know She's really splashy and out there and radical which she is Which made me feel like i am less than right that um I don't fill up the space or i don't compare to the space that this presence fills up But it's frustrating because i have unique talents that i think make me different and splashy in other ways But they couldn't see that so what do i have to do? I have to find different and unique ways to make them see that And that is a part of why i'm making three videos a week right now I'm upping my content because i realize the fact that if i'm not willing to do extreme things for attention that like Help me stay out there in the world over time I have to constantly be at your guys heels nipping telling you like i'm still here. I'm still here eventually You'll be like hey cool come this way This book is by lizzie velasquez It's called dare to be kind and for those of you guys who've ever met lizzie before or known her story She has a youtube channel and she has an incredible story in which she was on the internet one day Just she has gone through a lot of challenges major health challenges And she was told that she wasn't supposed to live past the second decade and here she is I think close to 27 years old still kicking because she has been fighting against life as is But along with that fight of health, which is one that i am very grateful not to have to do She went on the internet one day and there's a video called the world's ugliest woman Which had millions of views and it was featured her face She didn't know this person she didn't ask for it She'd never done wrong to them and that started a quest for her where she said that I think there's an ugliness in the world that I want to see beauty in not in myself I already see the beauty in myself There's an ugliness in the world that I want to right that wrong And she began her channel and she exists in healthy relationships. She just bought a house this year She has her own show. She has a book out I've seen so many examples of people who have had way more Difficulties and adversities and hard cards dealt their way and that isn't to minimize mine or your adversities But just to remind us that everybody out here is fighting and striving And yes, some people may have a lucky chance or a lucky break or maybe born with green eyes But at the end of the day Nobody is chilling. I don't think anyone's chilling Um And that's I guess part of the frustration too when the full screen show tips come in you guys like these are manipulative I don't want to have to do them then don't Don't try but then why are you on a video that's trying to teach you how to make better connections If you at the heart of it all don't feel like I could probably do better at connecting with people Don't reject the tips look for you inside of them And I often compare what I'm doing to that of a golf swing So when you go to learn a new sport and you're learning how to do a golf swing, it's very mechanical It's very like do this put your bum out square your hips up And then eventually when you practice those tips you find your own stride within it And at first it feels very mechanical and stiff But eventually over time the you and it comes out and you make your own unique golf swing And that's what I'm encouraging you guys to do I'm giving you guys these arbitrary tips that have been studied and psychologists say that like on a mass level This may be a successful way to connect with the average person and there's always nuances But the average person these tips may work for so I'm educating you guys on these tips and you can take them and say Okay, maybe when I go out on dates I have to be more mechanical to ensure that I am balancing disagreeableness with agreeableness Or that I'm encompassing some of the traits this person loves about their family Into how I connect and love them intimately or that I'm ensuring that I'm not just focusing on looking good for this person I got to also connect with them as a human being to make that long lasting intimate interaction Those are the things I'm saying to do and maybe the way that they're coming across and I could learn from this Don't feel authentic for you But I'm just trying to give you a golf swing so you can get in your own groove eventually But these are the basic things they're going to allow you to get that ball to go the farthest So yes, I read all of your comments And I take in as much as I possibly can and maybe in the comment section below It's an opportunity if you let me know where my golf swing isn't the greatest where my delivery isn't the greatest But I also really want the comment section below for us to have a love fest right now. I'm a little tired I'm tired of this myself. I'm tired of looking at myself and saying what's wrong and what I'm not doing right Especially this month and I'm tired of you guys looking at yourself and saying what's wrong and why things won't work out So just in the comment section. Just let me know what you motherfucking love about yourself What are you so proud of what is your strength right now that you can say? Yo, I would sit on that if it was a table, I would sit on that that is a solid ass strength I would invite the whole neighborhood to come and sit on this That sounds And finally guys, I want to invite you to watch this episode on the full screen show Yo, it was an incredible eye opener. So please go and watch that episode It was insanely insightful and for anybody who has ever asked yo shannon How can I support your content? This would be it when you guys go on other platforms that are able to pay me which youtube no longer really is And say yes to this content that lets people know that okay people are willing to invest in this kind of stuff Let's do more of it So I want to make more youtube videos for you here and the trade-off for this being free Is that once in a while when I do have an opportunity like this, please go and support it And like I said, there's two different ways you can do so without spending a dollar of your money Big ridiculous massive shout out to everybody who has already gone over there and watched I see you I appreciate you. I love you and speaking of people I see appreciate and love Okay, so I did the video how to dance sexy and I had a challenge in it called the two to four challenge Which I encourage people to like yo for 15 seconds put this song on and just move in the most seductive Sensual way that feels authentic to you and the videos that I got back were so beautiful and affirming and sexy and self-love filled and just Unapologetically fucking cool and I want to encourage everybody who hasn't given this a try Even if you're not ready to put it out there in the world Just do it because I think it was so cool and you People are the MVPs right now to me all you women who took part in this challenge I couldn't even begin to tell you how inspired you made me feel this week Because of the fact that you took a little bit and you made it your own and you made it beautiful And that is what the spirit of this channel really is and you guys embody that in 15 seconds And I didn't know how you could do that, but you did and you've encouraged me to keep going. Thank you Thank you so so so much That also goes to you guys. Thank you for being here till the end Due to popular demand, I am now podcasting daily on anchor fm Now that is a place you guys can go to ask questions You actually leave voice notes and then I answer your questions So go to anchor.fm slash shambli to sign up and to have your daily questions answered