By popular demand, here's my uncensored performance at the 15th Annual Funniest Celebrity in Washington contest at the DC Improv.
Warning: you may be slightly offended! Or not . . .
Filmed by Emily on 9/10/08.
Secret Muslim terrorist politicians in house say ho!!!
I'm here 'cause David Shuster had to be replaced
'Cause his cable network just got disgraced
His convention coverage was a bit amiss
And so apparently it comes down to this!
I rep the P O L I T I C O
Practice every day to perfect the flow
And yeah times are tough, but I thought you should know
We're the only newspaper that continues to grow?
Oops, did I touch a nerve?
Journalism's in the shitter and youre all disturbed
I might lose my job but hey, I don't sweat
Because I made my name on the Internet!
I don't think I am one but this drink was free?
Every other contestant here is a joke
Bob Barr? Yeah good luck with the pothead vote
And Grover Norquist? Man I'm not trying to be mean
I thought your tax policy WAS your standup routine!?
Huck you won Iowa 8 months ago
And now you're here telling jokes at a comedy show
It's just survival of the fittest I don't mean to be rude
But NOW do you believe in evolution dude?
And every other contestant's male white and old
So turn up your hearing aid ya 'bout to get told
I could be your intern, could be your grandson
But tonight you're gonna recognize I'm number one!
I just insulted Mike Huckabee!
Been on the campaign trail a year or more
And there are only three things that I know for sure
McCain is old. Obama's black
And if you mention either one you bound to get smacked!
Obama picked Biden to be his VP
Because he wanted a change in foreign policy
The guy served six terms and I hate to rant
But the only thing he changed was his hair implants!
McCain picked the Governor of Alaska
So there's just one question I have to ask ya
If she got a bangin body that wed all wanna hit
Does that negate the fact that she dont know shit?
Please don't throw your drinks at me!