 Section 43 of the Library of the World's Best Literature, Ancient and Modern, Volume 8 This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org Recording by Ron Altman. Library of the World's Best Literature, Ancient and Modern, Volume 8 Section 43 Selected Excerpts by Cervantes, Part 1 by George Santayana. Treating of the Character and Pursuits of Don Quixote In a village of La Mancha, the name of which I have no desire to call to mind, there lived not long since one of those gentlemen that keep a lance in the lance rack, and an old buckler, a lean hack, and a greyhound for coursing. An ola of rather more beef than mutton, a salad on most nights, scraps on Saturdays, lentils on Fridays, and a pigeon or so extra on Sundays, made away with three quarters of his income. The rest of it went in a doublet of fine cloth and velvet breeches and shoes to match for holidays. While on weekdays he made a brave figure in his best home-spun. He had in his house a housekeeper past forty, a niece under twenty, and a lad for the field and marketplace who used to saddle the hack as well as handle the bill-hook. The age of this gentleman of ours was bordering on fifty. He was of a hardy habit, spare, gaunt featured, a very early riser, and a great sportsman. They will have it his surname was Quixote, or Quixote, for here there is some difference of opinion among the authors who write on the subject, although from reasonable conjectures it seems plain that he was called Quixote. This, however, is of but little importance to our tale. It will be enough not to stray a hare's breath from the truth in the telling of it. You must know then that the above-named gentleman, whenever he was at leisure, which was mostly all the year round, gave himself up to reading books of chivalry with such ardor and avidity that he almost entirely neglected the pursuit of his field-sports and even the management of his property. And to such a pitch did his eagerness and infatuation go that he sold many an acre of tillage-land to buy books of chivalry to read, and brought home as many of them as he could get. But of all there were none he liked so well as those of the famous Feliciano de Silva's composition, for their lucidity of style and complicated conceits were as pearls in his sight, particularly when in his reading he came upon courtships and cartels where he often found passages like, the reason of the unreason with which my reason is afflicted so weakens my reason that with reason I murmur at your beauty. Or again, the high heavens that of your divinity divinely fortify you with the stars render you deserving of the dessert your greatness deserves. Over conceits of this sort the poor gentleman lost his wits and used to lie awake striving to understand them and worm the meaning out of them. What Aristotle himself could not have made out or extracted had he come to life again without special purpose. He was not at all easy about the wounds which Don Belianus gave and took, because it seemed to him that great as were the surgeons who had cured him he must have had his face and body covered all over with seams and scars. He commended, however, the author's way of ending his book with the promise of that interminable adventure, many a time was he tempted to take up his pen and finish it properly, as is there proposed, which no doubt he would have done, and made a successful piece of work of it too, had not greater and more absorbing thoughts prevented him. Many an argument did he have with the curate of his village, a learned man and a graduate of Sygenza, as to which had been the better knight, Palmarin of England or Amidae of Gaul. Master Nicholas, the village barber, however, used to say that neither of them came up to the night of Phabos, and that if there was any could compare with him it was Don Galeor, the brother of Amidae of Gaul, because he had a spirit that was equal to every occasion and was no Finnecan knight nor Lacrimos like his brother, while in the matter of Valor he was not a whit behind him. In short, he became so absorbed in his books that he spent his nights from sunset to sunrise and his days from dawn to dark pouring over them, and what with little sleep and much reading his brains got so dry that he lost his wits. His fancy grew full of what he used to read about in his books, enchantments, quarrels, battles, challenges, wounds, wooings, loves, agonies, and all sorts of impossible nonsense, and it so possessed his mind that the whole fabric of invention and fancy he read of was true, that to him no history in the world had more reality in it. He used to say the seed Rue Diaz was a very good knight, but that he was not to be compared with the knight of the burning sword, who with one backstroke cut in half to fierce and monstrous giants. He thought more of Bernardo del Carpio, because at Ronseval's he slew Rowland in spite of enchantments, availing himself of the artifice of Hercules when he strangled Anteus the son of terror in his arms. He approved highly of the giant Morganta, because although of the giant breed which is always arrogant and ill-conditioned, he alone was affable and well-bred. But above all he admired Rinaldo's of Montalban, especially when he saw him sallying forth from his castle and robbing everyone he met, and when beyond the seas he stole that image of Muhammad which, as his history says, was entirely of gold. And to have a bout of kicking at that traitor of Agenelon he would have given his housekeeper and his niece into the bargain. In short, his wits being quite gone, he hit upon the strangest notion that ever madman in this world hit upon. And that was that he fancied it was right and requisite, as well for the support of his own honour as for the service of his country, that he should make a knight errant of himself, roaming the world over in full armour and on horseback in quest of adventures. And putting in practice himself all that he had read of as being the usual practices of knight's errant, writing every kind of wrong and exposing himself to peril and danger from which in the issue he was to reap eternal renown and fame. Already the poor man saw himself crowned by the might of his arm, emperor of Trebizond at least, and so led away by the intense enjoyment he found in these pleasant fancies, he set himself forthwith to put his scheme into execution. The first thing he did was to clean up some armour that had belonged to his great-grandfather and had been for ages lying forgotten in a corner, eaten with rust and covered with mildew. He scoured and polished it as best he could, but he perceived one great defect in it, that it had no closed helmet, nothing but a simple morion. This deficiency, however, his ingenuity supplied. For he contrived a kind of half-helmet of paste-board which fitted on to the morion looked like a whole one. It is true that in order to see if it was strong and fit to stand a cut, he drew his sword and gave it a couple of slashes, the first of which undid in an instant what had taken him a week to do, the ease with which he had knocked it to pieces disconcerted him somewhat, and to guard against that danger he set to work again, fixing bars of iron on the inside until he was satisfied with its strength, and then not caring to try any more experiments with it, he passed it and adopted it as a helmet of the most perfect construction. He next proceeded to inspect his hack, which, with more quartos than a real and more blemishes than the steed of Gonella, that tantum pellicet also fruit, surpassed in his eyes the Busephalus of Alexander, or the Babica of the Seed. Four days were spent in thinking what name to give him, because, as he said to himself, it was not right that a horse belonging to a knight so famous, and one with such merits of his own, should be without some distinctive name, and he strove to adapt it so as to indicate what he had been before belonging to a knight errant, and what he then was, for it was only reasonable that his master taking a new character he should take a new name, and that it should be a distinguished and full-sounding one, befitting the new order and calling he was about to follow. And so, after having composed, struck out, rejected, added to, unmade and remade a multitude of names out of his memory and fancy, he decided upon calling him Rosinant. To his thinking lofty, sonorous, and significant of his condition as a hack before he became what he now was, the first and foremost of all the hacks in the world. Having got a name for his horse so much to his taste, he was anxious to get one for himself, and he was eight days more pondering over this point, till at last he made up his mind to call himself Don Quixote. Once, as has already been said, the authors of this voracious history have inferred that his name must have been beyond a doubt Quixote and not Quixote, as others would have it. Recollecting, however, that the valiant Amadi was not content to call himself curtly Amadi and nothing more, but added the name of his kingdom and country to make it famous, and called himself Amadi of Gaul. He, like a good night, resolved to add on the name of his and to style himself Don Quixote of La Mancha, whereby he considered he described accurately his origin and country and did honour to it in taking his surname from it. So then, his armour being furbished, his morion turned into a helmet, his hack christened, and he himself confirmed he came to the conclusion that nothing more was needed now but to look out for a lady to be in love with. For a night errant without love was like a tree without leaves or fruit, or a body without a soul. As he said to himself, if for my sins or by my good fortune I come across some giant hereabouts, a common occurrence with night's errant, and overthrow him in one onslaught, or cleave him asunder to the waist, or in short vanquish and subdue him, let not be well to have someone I may send him to as a present, that he may come in and fall on his knees before my sweet lady, and in a humble, submissive voice say, I am the giant caracallium bro, lord of the island of Malindrenia, vanquished in single combat by the never sufficiently extolled knight, Don Quixote of La Mancha, who has commanded me to present myself before your grace, that your highness dispose of me at your pleasure. Oh, how our good gentleman enjoyed the delivery of this speech, especially when he had thought of someone to call his lady! There was, so the story goes, in a village near his own, a very good-looking farm girl with whom he had been at one time in love, though so far as is known she never knew it, nor gave a thought to the matter. Her name was Aldanze Lorenzo, and upon her he thought fit to confer the title of Lady of His Thoughts, and after some search for a name which should not be out of harmony with her own, and should suggest and indicate that of a princess and great lady, he decided upon calling her Delsinia del Tobozo, she being of El Tobozo, a name to his mind musical, uncommon, and significant, like all those he had already bestowed upon himself and the things belonging to him. Of what happened to Don Quixote when he left the inn? Day was dawning when Don Quixote quitted the inn, so happy, so gay, so exhilarated at finding himself dubbed a night, that his joy was like to burst his horse girths. However, recalling the advice of his host, as to the requisites he ought to carry with him, especially that referring to money and shirts, he determined to go home and provide himself with all, and also with a squire, for he reckoned upon securing a farm labourer, a neighbour of his, a poor man with a family, but very well qualified for the office of squire to a night. With this object he turned his horse's head towards his village, and Rosinante, thus reminded of his old quarters, stepped out so briskly that he hardly seemed to tread the earth. He had not gone far, when out of a thicket on his right there seemed to come feeble cries as of someone in distress, and the instant he heard them he exclaimed, Thanks be to heaven for the favour it accords me, that it so soon offers me an opportunity of fulfilling the obligation I have undertaken, and gathering the fruit of my ambition. These cries no doubt come from some man or woman in want of help, and needing my aid and protection. And wheeling he turned Rosinante in the direction whence the cries seemed to proceed. He had gone but a few paces into the wood when he saw a mare tied to an oak, and tied to another and stripped from the waist upwards, a youth of about fifteen years of age, from whom the cries came. Nor were they without cause, for a lusty farmer was flogging him with a belt and following up every blow with scoldings and commands, repeating, your mouth shut and your eyes open, while the youth made answer, I won't do it again, master mine. By God's passion I won't do it again, and I'll take more care of the flock another time. Seeing what was going on, Don Quixote said in an angry voice, This courteous night it ill becomes you to assail one who cannot defend himself. Count your steed and take your lance, for there was a lance leaning against the oak to which the mare was tied, and I will make you know that you are behaving as a coward. The farmer, seeing before him this figure in full armor brandishing a lance over his head, gave himself up for dead and made answer meekly, Sir Knight, this youth that I am chastising is my servant, employed by me to watch a flock of sheep that I have hard by, and he is so careless that I lose one every day, and when I punish him for his carelessness and navery, he says I do it out of negardliness, to escape paying him the wages I owe him, and before God and on my soul he lies. Lies before me, base clown, said Don Quixote, By the sun that shines on us, I have a mind to run you through with this lance. Pay him at once without another word. If not by the God that rules us, I will make an end of you, and annihilate you on the spot, release him instantly. The farmer hung his head and without a word untied his servant, of whom Don Quixote asked how much his master owed him. He replied nine months at seven reels a month. Don Quixote added it up, found that it came to sixty-three reels, and told the farmer to pay it down immediately if he did not want to die for it. The trembling clown replied that as he lived and by the oath he had sworn, though he had not sworn any, it was not so much, for there were to be taken into account and deducted three pairs of shoes he had given him, and a re-all for two bloodlettings when he was sick. All that is very well, said Don Quixote. But let the shoes and the bloodlettings stand as a set-off against the blows you have given him without any cause, for if he spoiled the leather of the shoes you paid for, you have damaged that of his body, and if the barber took blood from him when he was sick, you have drawn it when he was sound, so on that score he owes you nothing. The difficulty is, Sir Knight, that I have no money here. Let Andres come home with me, and I will pay him all, re-all by re-all. I go with him, said the youth. Nay, God forbid, no, senor, not for the world, for once alone with me he would flay me like a saint by thalamu. He will do nothing of the kind, said Don Quixote. I have only to command, and he will obey me, and he has sworn to me by the order of knighthood which he has received. I leave him free, and I guarantee the payment. Consider what you are saying, senor, said the youth. This master of mine is not a knight, nor has he received any order of knighthood, for he is Juan Haldudo, the rich of Quintanar. That matters little, replied Don Quixote. There may be Haldudo's knights. Moreover, every one is the son of his works. That is true, said Andres. But this master of mine, of what work is he the son when he refuses me the wages of my sweat and labour? I do not refuse, brother Andres, said the farmer. Be good enough to come along with me, and I swear by all the orders of knighthood there are in the world to pay you as I have agreed, real by real, and perfumed. For the perfumery I excuse you, said Don Quixote. Give it to him in reals, and I shall be satisfied and see that you do as you have sworn. If not, by the same oath I swear to come back and hunt you out and punish you, and I shall find you though you should lie closer than a lizard. And if you desire to know who it is lays this command upon you that you may be more firmly bound to obey it, know that I am the valorous Don Quixote of La Mancha, the undoer of wrongs and injustices. And so God be with you, and keep in mind what you have promised and sworn under those penalties that have been already declared to you. So saying he gave Rosinand the spur and was soon out of reach. The farmer followed him with his eyes, and when he saw that he had cleared the wood and was no longer in sight, he turned to his boy Andres and said, Come here, my son, I want to pay you what I owe you as that undoer of wrongs has commanded me. My oath on it, said Andres, your worship will be well advised to obey the command of that good night. May he live a thousand years, for as he is a valiant and just judge by rogue, if you do not pay me he will come back and do as he said. My oath on it too, said the farmer, but as I have a strong affection for you I want to add to the debt in order to add to the payment and seizing him by the arm he tied him up to the oak again where he gave him such a flogging that he left him for dead. Now, Master Andres, said the farmer, call on the undoer of wrongs. You will find he won't undo that, though I am not sure that I have quite done with you, for I have a good mind to flay you alive as you feared. But at last he untied him and gave him leave to go look for his judge in order to put the sentence pronounced into execution. Andres went off rather down in the mouth, swearing he would go to look for the valiant Don Quixote of La Mancha, and tell him exactly what had happened and that all would have to be repaid him sevenfold. But for all that he went off weeping while his master stood laughing. Thus did the valiant Don Quixote right that wrong and thoroughly satisfied with what had taken place as he considered he had made a very happy and noble beginning with his knighthood, he took the road towards his village in perfect self-content, saying in a low voice, Well, mayest then this day call thy self-fortunate above all on earth, O Delsinia del Tobosso, fairest of the fair, since it has fallen to thy lot to hold subject and submissive to thy full will and pleasure a knight so renowned as is and will be Don Quixote of La Mancha, who, as all the world knows, yesterday received the order of knighthood and hath today righted the greatest wrong and grievance that ever injustice conceived and cruelty perpetrated, who hath today plucked the rod from the hand of yonder, ruthless oppressor so wantonly lashing that tender child. He now came to a road branching in four directions, and immediately he was reminded of those crossroads where knights errant used to stop to consider which road they should take. In imitation of them he halted for a while, and after having deeply considered it, he gave Rosinante his head, submitting his own will to that of his hack, who followed out his first intention, which was to make straight for his own stable. After he had gone about two miles Don Quixote perceived a large party of people, who, as afterwards appeared, were some Toledo traders. On their way to buy silk at Murcia. There were six of them coming along under their sunshades, with four servants mounted and three mule-tears on foot. Scarcely had Don Quixote described them when the fancy possessed him that this must be some new adventure, and to help him to imitate as far as he could those passages he had read of in his books, here seemed to come one made on purpose, which he resolved to attempt. So with a lofty bearing and determination he fixed himself firmly in his stirrups, got his lance ready, brought his buckler before his breast, and planting himself in the middle of the road waiting the approach of these knights-errant. For such he now considered and held them to be, and when they had come near enough to see and hear he exclaimed with a haughty gesture, All the world stand, unless all the world confess that in all the world there is no maiden-farer than the empress of La Mancha, a pure-less Dulcinea del Toboso. The traders halted at the sound of this language and the sight of the strange figure that uttered it, and from both figure and language at once guessed the craze of their owner, they wished, however, to learn quietly what was the object of this confession that was demanded of them, and one of them who was rather fond of a joke and was very sharp-witted said to him, Sir Knight, we do not know who this good lady is that you speak of, show her to us, for if she be of such beauty as you suggest, with all our hearts and without any pressure we will confess the truth that is on your part required of us. If I were to show her to you, replied Don Quixote, what merit would you have in confessing a truth so manifest? The essential point is that, without seeing her, you must believe, confess, affirm, swear, and defend it. Else ye have to do with me in battle, ill-conditioned, arrogant rebel that ye are, and come ye on one by one as the order of knighthood requires, or altogether, as is the custom and vile usage of your breed. Here do I bide and await you, relying on the justice of the cause I maintain. Sir Knight, replied the trader, I entreat your worship in the name of this present company of princes, that to save us from charging our consciences with the confession of a thing we have never seen or heard of, and one moreover so much to the prejudice of the empresses and queens of the Alcaria and Estre Medura, your worship will be pleased to show us some portrait of this lady. Though it be no bigger than a grain of wheat, for by the thread one gets at the ball, and in this way we shall be satisfied and easy, and you will be content and pleased. Nay, I believe we are already so far agreed with you that even though her portrait should show her blind of one eye, and distilling Vermillion and Sulphur from the other, we would nevertheless to gratify your worship say all in her favor that you desire. She distills nothing of the kind, vile rabble, said Don Quixote, burning with rage. Nothing of the kind, I say, only ambergris and civet in cotton, nor is she one-eyed or hump-backed, but straighter than a Guadirama spindle, but ye must pay for the blaspheme ye have uttered against beauty like that of my lady. And so, saying he charged with leveled lance against the one who had spoken with such fury and fierceness, that if luck had not contrived that Rosinante should stumble midway and come down, it would have gone hard with the rash trader. Down went Rosinante, and over went his master, rolling along the ground for some distance, and when he tried to rise he was unable, so encumbered was he with lance, buckler, spurs, helmet, and the weight of his old armour, and all the while he was struggling to get up he kept saying, Fly not, cowards, and catiffs, stay for not by my fault, but my horses am I stretched here. One of the mule-tears in attendance, who could not have had much good nature in him, hearing the poor prostrate man blustering in this style, was unable to refrain from giving him an answer on his ribs, and coming up to him he seized his lance, and having broken it in pieces, with one of them he began so to belabor our Don Quixote, that notwithstanding, and in spite of his armour, he milled him like a measure of wheat. His masters called out not to lay on so hard and to leave him alone, but the mule-tears' blood was up, and he did not care to drop the game until he had vented the rest of his wrath, and gathering up the remaining fragments of the lance, he finished with a discharge upon the unhappy victim, who all through the storm of sticks that rained on him never ceased threatening heaven and earth and the brigands for such they seemed to him. As the mule-tear was tired and the traders continued their journey, taking with them matter for talk about the poor fellow who had been cudgled, he, when he found himself alone, made another effort to rise, but if he was unable when whole and sound, how was he to rise after having been thrashed and well-nigh knocked to pieces? And yet he esteemed himself fortunate as it seemed to him that this was a regular night-errant's mishap, and entirely he considered the fault of his horse. However, battered in body as he was, to rise was beyond his power. End of Section 43 Section 44 of Library of the World's Best Literature Ancient and Modern, Volume 8 This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org Recording by Doug Taylor Squim, Washington Library of the World's Best Literature Ancient and Modern, Volume 8 Section 44, Selected Excerpts by Cervantes Part 2 by Miguel de Cervantes Don Quixote and Sancho Panza Sallyforth and the Adventure with the Windmills He remained at home 15 days very quietly without showing any signs of a desire to take up with his former delusions, and during this time he held lively discussions with his two gossips, the curate and the barber, on the point he maintained that night-errant were what the world stood most in need of, and that in him was to be accomplished the revival of night-errantry. The curate sometimes contradicted him, sometimes agreed with him, for if he had not observed this precaution he would have been unable to bring him to reason. Meanwhile Don Quixote worked upon a farm laborer, a neighbor of his, an honest man, if indeed that title can be given to him who's poor, but with very little wit in his pay. In a word he so talked him over and with such persuasions and promises that the poor clown made up his mind to Sallyforth with him and serve him as a squire. Don Quixote, among other things, told him he ought to be ready to go with him gladly because at any moment an adventure might occur and might win an island in the twinkling of an eye and leave him governor of it. On these and the like promises Sancho Ponza, for so the laborer was called, left wife and children and engaged himself as Esquire to his neighbor. Don Quixote next set about getting some money and selling one thing and pawning another and making a bad bargain in every case. He got together a fair sum. He provided himself with a buckler which he begged as a loan from a friend and, restoring his battered helmet as best he could, he warned his squire, Sancho, of the day and hour he meant to set out that he might provide himself with what he thought most needful. Above all, he charged him to take off Forhoss with him. The other said he would and that he meant to take also a very good ass he had as he was not much given to going on foot. About the ass, Don Quixote hesitated a little, trying whether he could call to mind any nighterrant taking with him an Esquire mounted on ass-back. But no instance occurred to his memory. For all that, however, he determined to take him, intending to furnish him with a more honorable mount when a chance of it presented itself by appropriating the horrors of the first discard his knight he encountered. Himself he provided with shirts and such other things as he could, according to the advice the host had given him, all which being settled and done, without taking leave, Sancho Ponza of his wife and children or Don Quixote of his housekeeper and niece, they sallied forth unseen by anybody from the village one night and made such good way in the course of it that by daylight they held themselves safe from discovery, even should search be made for them. He rode on his ass like a patriarch, with his out-for-horse and Bota, and longing to see himself soon, governor of the island, his master had promised him, Don Quixote decided upon taking the same route and road he had taken on his first journey, that over the Campo de Montiel, which he traveled with less discomfort than on the last occasion, for as it was early morning and the rays of the sun fell on them obliquely, the heat did not distress them. And now said Sancho Ponza to his master, Your worship will take care of senior knight errant, not to forget about the island you have promised me, for be it ever so big, I'll be equal to governing it. To which Don Quixote replied, Thou must know, friend Sancho Ponza, that it was a practice very much in vogue with the knights errant of old, to make their squires governors of the islands of the kingdoms they won, and I am determined that there shall be no failure on my part in so liberal a custom. On the contrary, I mean to improve upon it, for they sometimes, and perhaps most frequently, waited until their squires were old, and then when they had had enough of service and hard days and worse nights, they gave them some title or other of count, or at the most marquee of some valley or province more or less. But if thou livest and I live, it may well be that before six days are over, I may have won some kingdom that has others dependent upon it, which will be just the thing to enable thee to be crowned king of one of them. Nor needs thou count this wonderful, for things and chances fall to the lot of such knights in ways so unexampled and unexpected that I might easily give thee even more than I promise thee. Well, in that case, said Sancho Ponza, if I should become a king by one of those miracles your worship speaks of, even one of Gateris, my old woman, would come to be queen, my children and fantes? Well, who doubts it? said Don Quixote. I doubt it, replied Sancho Ponza, because for my part I am persuaded that though God should shower down kingdoms upon earth, not one of them would fit the head of Marie Gateris. Let me tell you, senor, she is not worth two maravetes for queen. Countess will fit her better and that only with God's help. Leave it to God, Sancho, returned to Don Quixote, for he will give her what suits her best, but do not undervalue thyself so much as to come to be content with anything less than being governor of a province. I will not, senor, answered Sancho, especially as I have a man of such quality from master in your worship who will be able to give me all that will be suitable for me and that I can bear. At this point they came in sight of thirty or forty windmills that there are on that plane and as soon as Don Quixote saw them, he said to his squire, Fortune is arranging matters for us better than we could have shaped our desires ourselves. For look there, friends, Sancho Ponza, where thirty or more monstrous giants present themselves, all of whom I mean to engage in battle and slay, and with whose spoils we shall begin to make our fortunes, for this is righteous warfare and it is God's good service to sweep so evil a breed from off the face of the earth. What giants, said Sancho Ponza. Those thou seest there, answered his master, with the long arms and some have them nearly two leagues long. Look, your worship, said Sancho, but we see there are not giants but windmills and what seem to be their arms are the sails that turn by the wind make the millstones go. It is easy to see, replied Don Quixote, that thou art not used to this business of adventures. Those are giants and if thou art afraid, away with thee out of this and betake thyself to prayer, while I engage them in fierce and unequal combat. So saying, he gave the spur to his steed, Rosenante heedless of the cries his squire Sancho sent after him, warning him that most certainly they were windmills and not giants he was going to attack. He, however, was so positive they were giants that he neither heard the cries of Sancho, nor perceived near as he was what they were, but made at them shouting, Fly not cowards and vile beings, for it is a single night that attacks you. A slight breeze at this moment sprang up and the great sails began to move, seeing which Don Quixote exclaimed, Though ye flourish more arms than the giant Breraris, ye have to reckon with me. So saying and commending himself with all his heart to his Lady Dolce and Ea, imploring her to support him in such apparel, with Lance in rest and covered by his buckler, he charged at Rosenante's fullest gallop and fell upon the first mill that stood in front of him, but as he drove his Lance-point into the sail, the wind whirled it round with such force that it shivered the Lance to pieces, sweeping with it horse and rider, who went rolling over the plain in a sorry condition. Sancho hastened to his assistance, as fast as his ass could go, and when he came up found him unable to move, with such a shock had Rosenante fallen with him. God bless me, said Sancho, did I not tell your worship to mind what you were about, for they were only windmills, and no one could have made any mistake about it, but one who had something of the same kind in his head. Hush, friend Sancho, replied to Don Quixote, the fortunes of war more than any other are liable to frequent fluctuations, and moreover I think, and it is the truth that that same sage Friston, who carried off my study and books, has turned these giants into mills in order to rob me of the glory of vanquishing them. Such is the enmity he bears me, but in the end his wicked arts will avail but a little against my good sword. God order it as he may, said Sancho Pansa, and helping him to rise got him up again on Rosenante, whose shoulder was half out, and then discussing the late adventure, they followed the road to Puerto La Piz, for there, said Don Quixote, they could not fail to find adventures in abundance and variety, as it was a great thoroughfare. Sancho Pansa and his wife, Teresa, converse shrewdly. The translator of this history, when he comes to write this fifth chapter, says that he considers it apocryphal, because in it Sancho Pansa speaks in a style unlike that which might have been expected from his limited intelligence, and says things so subtle that he does not think it possible he could have conceived them. However, desirous of doing what his task imposed upon him, he was unwilling to leave it untranslated, and therefore he went on to say, Sancho came home in such glee and spirits that his wife noticed his happiness a bow shot off, so much so that it made her ask him, what have you got, Sancho friend, that you are so glad? To which he replied, If it were God's will, I should be very glad not to be so well pleased as I show myself. I don't understand, you husband, said she, and I don't know what you mean by saying you would be glad, if it were God's will, not to be well pleased. For fool as I am, I don't know how one can find pleasure in not having it. Harkey, Teresa, said Sancho, I am glad because I have made up my mind to go back to the service of my master Don Quixote, who means to go out a third time to seek for adventures, and I am going with him again, for my necessities will have it so, and also the hope that cheers me with the thought that I may find another hundred crowns like those we have spent, though it makes me sad to have to leave thee and the children, and if God would be pleased to let me have my daily bread, by shod and at home, without taking me out into the byways and crossroads, and he could do it at small cost by merely willing it. It is clear my happiness would be more solid and lasting, for the happiness I have is mingled with sorrow at leaving thee, so that I was right in saying I would be glad, if it were God's will, not to be well pleased. Look here, Sancho, said Teresa, ever since you joined on to a night, errant, you talk in such a roundabout way that there is no understanding you. It is enough that God understands me, wife, replied Sancho, for he is the understander of all things. That will do. But, mine, sister, you must look to Dappel carefully for the next three days, so that he may be fit to take arms, his feet, and see to the pack saddle and other harness, for it is not to a wedding we are bound, but to go round to the world and to play at give-and-take with giants and dragons and monsters, and hear hissings and roaring and bellowings and howlings, and even all this would be lavender if we had not to reckon with the Angusons and enchanted moors. I know well enough, said Teresa, that squires errant don't eat their bread for nothing, and so I will be always praying to our Lord to deliver you speedily from all that hard fortune. I can tell you, wife, said Sancho, if I did not expect to see myself governor of an island before long, I would drop down dead on the spot. Nay, then, husband, said Teresa, let the hen live that would be with her pip, and let the devil take all the governments in the world. You came out of your mother's womb without a government. You have lived until now without a government. And when it is God's will, you will go, or be carried, to your grave without a government. How many there are in the world who live without a government and continue to live all the same and are reckoned in the number of people? The best sauce in the world is hunger, and as the poor are never without that, they always eat with a relish. But, mind, Sancho, if by good luck you should find yourself with some government, don't forget me and your children. Remember that Sancho is now full fifteen, and it is right you should go to school if his uncle the abbot has a mind to have him trained for the church. Consider, too, that your daughter, Maria Sancho, will not die of grief if we marry her, for I have my suspicions that she is as eager to get a husband as you to get a government. And, after all, a daughter looks better ill-married than well-kept. By my faith, replied Sancho, if God brings me to get any sort of a government, I intend, wife, to make such a high match for Maria Sancho, that there will be no approaching her without calling her my lady. Nay, Sancho, returned Teresa, marry her to her equal. That is the safest plan, for if you put her out of wooden clogs into high-heeled shoes, out of her gray flannel petticoat, into hoops and silk gowns, out of the plain Marisa and thou into Dona so-and-so, and my lady, the girl won't know where she is, and at every turn she will fall into a thousand blunders that will show the thread of her coarse home-spun stuff. Tat you fool, said Sancho. It will be only to practice it for two or three years, and then dignity and decorum will fit her as easily as a glove, and if not, what matter? Let her be my lady, and never mind what happens. Keep to your own station, Sancho, replied Teresa. Don't try to raise yourself higher, and bear in mind the proverb that says, Wipe the nose of your neighbor's son and take him into your house. A fine thing it would be, indeed, to marry our Maria to some great count or grand gentleman, who when the humor took him would abuse her and call her clown bread and Claude Hopper's daughter and spinning wench. I have not been bringing up my daughter for that all this time, I can tell you, husband. Do you bring home money, Sancho, and leave marrying her to my care? There is Lope Toko, wantoko son, a stout, sturdy young fellow that we know, and I can see he does not look sour at the girl, and with him, one of our own sort, she will be well married, and we shall have her always under our eyes and be all one family, parents and children, grandchildren and sons-in-law, and the peace and blessing of God will dwell among us. So don't you go marrying her to those courts and grand palaces where they won't know what to make of her, or she want to make of herself? Why, you idiot, and wife for Barabbas, said Sancho, what do you mean by trying without why or wherefor to keep me from marrying my daughter to one who will give me grandchildren that will be called your lordship? Look ye, Teresa, I have always heard my elders say that he who does not know how to take advantage of luck when it comes to him has no right to complain if it gives him the go-by. And now that it is knocking at our door, it will not do to shut it out. Let us go with the favoring breeze that blows upon us. It is this sort of talk, and what Sancho says lower down, that made the translator of the history say he considered this chapter apocryphal. Don't you see you animal, continued Sancho, that it will be well for me to drop into some profitable government that will lift us out of the mire and marry Marie Sancho to whom I like. And you yourself will find yourself called Donia Teresa Pansa and sitting in church on a fine carpet and cushions and draperies in spite and in defiance of all the born ladies of the town. No, stay as you are, growing neither greater nor less, like a tapestry figure. Let us say no more about it, for Sanchica shall be a countess. Say what you will. Are you sure of all you say, husband? replied Teresa. Well, for all that I am afraid this rank of countess for my daughter will be her ruin. You do as you like, make a duchess or a princess of her, that I can tell you it will not be with my will and consent. I was always a lover of equality, brother, and I can't bear to see people give themselves theirs without any right. They called me Teresa at my baptism, a plain simple name, without any additions or tags or fringes of domes or donias. Cascaho was my father's name, and as I am your wife, I am called Teresa Ponza, though by right I ought to be called Teresa Cascaho, but kings go where laws like, and I am content with this name, without having the dawn put on top of it, to make it so heavy that I cannot carry it. And I don't want to make people talk about me when they see me go dressed like a countess or governor's wife. For they will say at once, see what heirs the slut gives herself? Only yesterday she was always spinning flax and used to go to mass with the tail of her petticoat over her head instead of a mantle, and there she goes today in a hooped gown with her brooches and heirs, as if we didn't know her. If God keeps me in my seven senses, or five, or whatever number I have, I am not going to bring myself to such a path. Go, you brother, and be a government or an island man and swagger as much as you like, for by the soul of my mother neither my daughter nor I are going to stir a step from our village. A respectable woman should have a broken leg and keep it home, and to be busy at something is a virtuous damsel's holiday. Be off to your adventures along with your don Quixote and leave us to our misadventures, for God will mend them for us according as we deserve it. I don't know, I'm sure, who fixed the dome to him, but neither his father nor grandfather ever had. I declare thou hast a devil of some sort in thy body, said Sancho. God help thee, woman, what a lot of things thou hast strung together, one after the other, without head or tail. What have cascajo and the brooches and the proverbs and the heirs to do with what I say? Look here, fool and dote, for so I may call you when you don't understand my words and run away from good fortune. If I had said that my daughter was to throw herself down from a tower or go roaming the world as the Infantadonia Urraaca wanted to do, you would be right in not giving way to my will. But if in an instant, in less than the twinkling of an eye, I put the dome and my lady on her back and take her out of the stubble and place her under a canopy, on a dais, and on a couch with more velvet cushions than all the Omohadis of Morocco ever had in their family, why won't you consent and fall in with my wishes? Do you know why, husband? replied Teresa, because of the proverb that says who covers thee, discovers thee, that the poor man people only throw a hasty glance on the rich man they fixed their eye. And if the said rich man was once on a time poor, it is then there is the sneering and the tattle and spite of backbiter's and in the streets here they swarm as thick as bee. Look here, Teresa, said Sancho, and listen to what I am now going to say to you. Maybe you never heard it in all your life and I do not give my own notions for what I am about to say are the opinions of his reverence the preacher who preached in this town last length and who said, if I remember rightly, that all things present that our eyes behold bring themselves before us and remain and fix themselves on our memory much better and more forcibly than things past. These observations, which Sancho makes here, are the other ones on account of which the translator says he regards this chapter as apocryphal in as much as they are beyond Sancho's capacity. Once it arises, he continued, that when we see any person well dressed and making a figure with rich garments and retinue of servants, it seems to lead and impellous perforce to respect him. Though memory may at the same time recall to us some lowly condition in which we have seen him, but which, whether it may have been poverty or low birth, being now a thing of the past has no existence, while the only thing that has any existence is what we see before us. And if this person, whom Fortune has raised from his original lowly stake, these were the very words the Padre used to his present height of prosperity be well-bred, generous, courteous to all, without seeking to vie with those whose nobility is of ancient date, depend upon it, Teresa, no one will remember what he was, and everyone will respect what he is, except indeed the envious, from whom no fair Fortune is safe. I do not understand, you husband, replied Teresa. Do as you like, and don't break my head with any more speach-ifying and rhetoric, and if you have revolved to do what you say, resolve, you should say, woman, said Sancho, not revolve. Don't set yourself to wrangle with me, husband, said Teresa. I speak as God pleases, and I say, if you are bent upon having a government, take your son Sancho with you, and teach him from this time on how to hold the government, for sons ought to inherit and learn the trades of their fathers. As soon as I have a government, said Sancho, I will send for him by post, and I will send the money, of which I shall have no lack, for there is never any want of people to lend it to governors when they have not got it. And do thou dress him so as to hide what he is and make him look what he is to be. You send the money, said Teresa, and I'll dress him up for you as fine as you please. Then we are agreed that our daughter is to be a countess, said Sancho. The day that I see her a countess, replied Teresa, it will be the same to me as if I was burying her. But once more I say, do as you please, for we women are born to this burden of being obedient to our husbands, though they be dogs. And with this she began to weep and downright earnest, as if she already saw Sancho dead and buried. Sancho consoled her by saying that, though he must make her a countess, he would put it off as long as possible. Here their conversation came to an end, and Sancho went back to see Don Quixote and make arrangements for their departure. End of section 44. Section number 45 of Library of the World's Best Literature, Ancient and Modern, Volume 8. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Recording by Doug Taylor, A. W. W. W. Library of the World's Best Literature, Ancient and Modern, Volume 8. Section 45. Selected excerpts by Cervantes, Part 3. By Miguel de Cervantes. Of Sancho Ponzi's Delectable Discourse with the Duchess. The history records that Sancho did not sleep that afternoon, but in order to keep his word came before he had well done dinner to visit the Duchess, who, finding enjoyment in listening to him, made him sit down beside her on a low seat, though Sancho, out of pure good breeding, wanted not to sit down. The Duchess, however, told him he was to sit down as governor and talk as squire, as in both respects he was worthy of even the chair of Sidruy Diaz, the Compeador. Sancho shrugged his shoulders, obeyed and sat down, and all the Duchess's damsels and dweinas gathered round him, waiting in profound silence to hear what he would say. It was the Duchess, however, who spoke first, saying, Now that we are alone and that there is nobody here to overhear us, I should be glad if the senior governor would relieve me of certain doubts I have, rising out of the history of the great Don Quixote that is now in print. One is, in as much as worthy Sancho never saw D'Alsenea, I mean the Lady D'Alsenea del Toboso, nor took Don Quixote's letter to her, for it was left in the memorandum book in the Sierra Morena. How did he dare to invent the answer and all that about finding her sifting wheat? The whole story being a deception and falsehood and so much to the prejudice of the peerless D'Alsenea's good name, a thing that is not at all becoming the character and fidelity of a good squire. At these words, Sancho, without uttering one in reply, got up from his chair and, with noiseless steps, with his body bent and his finger on his lips, went all round the room, lifting up the hangings, and this done he came back to his seat and said, Now, senora, that I have seen that there is no one except the bystanders listening to us on the sly, I will answer what you have asked me and all that you may ask me without fear or dread. And the first thing I have got to say is that for my own part I hold my master Don Quixote to be stark mad. Though sometimes he says things that to my mind, and indeed everybody's that listens to him, are so wise and run in such a straight furrow that Satan himself could not have set them better. But for all that, really, and beyond all question, it's my firm belief he is cracked. Well, then, as this is clear to my mind, I can venture to make him believe things that have neither had nor tail, like that affair of the answer to the letter and that other of six or eight days ago, which is not yet in history, that is to say the affair of the enchantment of my Lady Delcinea, for I made him believe she is enchanted, though there's no more truth in it than over the hills of Ubeda. The duchess begged him to tell her about the enchantment or deception, so Sancho told the whole story exactly as it had happened, and his hearers were not a little amused by it. And then, resuming, the duchess said, in consequence of what worthy, Sancho has told me a doubt starts up in my mind, and there comes a kind of whisper to my ears that says, if Don Quixote be mad, crazy, cracked, and Sancho, his squire, knows it and notwithstanding serves and follows him and goes trusting to his empty promises, there can be no doubt he must be still madder and sillier than his master. And that being so, it will be casting your teeth, Signora duchess, if you give the said Sancho an island to govern, for how will he who does not know how to govern himself know how to govern others? My God, Signora, said Sancho, but that doubt comes timely, but your grace may say it out and speak plainly or as you like, for I know what you say is true and if I were wise I should have left my master long ago, but this was my fate, this was my bad luck. I can't help it. I must follow him. We're from the same village. I have eaten his bread. I'm fond of him. I'm grateful he gave me his ass coats and above all I'm faithful. So it's quite impossible for anything to separate us except the pickaxe and shovel. And if your highness does not like to give me the government you promised, God made me without it and maybe you're not giving it to me, will be all the better for my conscience for as fool as I am, I know the proverb, to her hurt the ant got wings and it may be that Sancho the squire will get to heaven sooner than Sancho the governor. They make as good bread here as in France and by night all cats are gray and a hard case enough is who hasn't broken his fast at two in the afternoon and there's no stomach a hand's breadth bigger than another and the same can be filled with straw or hay is the saying is and the little birds of the field have God for their purveyor and caterer and four yards of quenza frieze keep one warmer than four of Segovia broadcloth and when we quit this world and are put underground the prince travels by his narrow path as the journeyman and the pope's body does not take up more feet of earth than the sacra stands for all that the one is higher than the other for when we go to our graves we all pack ourselves up or rather they pack us up and make us small in spite of us and then good night to us and I say once more if your ladyship does not like to give me the island because I'm a fool like a wise man I will take care to give myself no trouble about it I have heard say that behind the cross there's the devil and that all that glitters is not gold and that from among the oxen and the plows and the oaks whom by the husbandmen was taken to be made king of Spain and from among brocades and pleasures and riches Roderick was taken to be devoured by adders the verses of the old ballads don't lie to be sure they don't lie exclaimed don't you Rodriguez the duena who was one of the listeners why there's a ballad that says they put king Rodrigo alive into a tomb full of toads and adders and lizards and that two days afterwards the king in a plaintive feeble voice cried out from within the tomb they gnaw me now they gnaw me now there where I most did sin and according to that the gentleman has good reason to say he would rather be a laboring man than a king if vermin are to eat him up the duchess could not help laughing at the simplicity of her duena or wondering at the language and proverbs of Sancho to whom she said worthy Sancho knows very well that when once a night has made a promise he strives to keep it though it should cost him his life my lord and husband the Duke though not one of the errant sort is nonetheless a knight for that reason and will keep his word about the promised island in spite of the envy and malice of the world Sancho be of good cheer for when he least expects it he will find himself seated on the throne of his island and seat of dignity and will take possession of his government that he may discard it for another of three bordered brocade the charge I give him is to be careful how he governs his vassals bearing in mind that they are all loyal and well born as to governing them well said Sancho there is no need of charging me to do that for I am kind hearted by nature and full of compassion for the poor there's no stealing a loaf from him who needs and bakes and by my faith it won't do to throw false dice with me I am an old dog and I know all about tusk tusk I can be wide awake if need be and I don't let clouds come before my eyes for I know where the shoe pinches me I say so because with me the good will have support and protection and the bad neither footing nor access and it seems to me that in governments to make a beginning is everything and maybe after having been governor of fortnight I'll take kindly to the work and know more about it than the field labor I have been brought up to you are right Sancho said the Duchess for no one is born ready taught and the bishops are made out of men and not out of stones but to return to the subject we were discussing just now the enchantment of the Lady Delcenea I look upon it as certain and something more than evident that Sancho's idea of practicing a deception upon his master making him believe that the peasant girl was Delcenea but she did not recognize her it must be because she was enchanted was all a device of one of the enchanters that persecute Don Quixote for in truth and earnest I know from good authority that the coarse country wench who jumped up on the ass was and is Delcenea Del Toboso and that worthy Sancho though he fancies himself a deceiver is the one that is deceived and that there is no more reason to doubt the truth of this than of anything else we never saw Senora Sancho Ponsa must know that we too have enchanters here that are well disposed to us and tell us what goes on in the world plainly and distinctly without subterfuge or deception and believe me Sancho that agile country last was and is Delcenea Del Toboso who is as much enchanted as the mother that bore her and when we least expect it we shall see her in her own proper form and then Sancho will be disabused of the error he is under at present all that's very possible said Sancho Ponsa and now I'm willing to believe what my master says about what he saw in the cave of Montesinos where he says he saw the lady Delcenea Del Toboso in the very same dress and apparel that I said I had seen her in when I enchanted her all to please myself oh it must be all exactly the other way as your ladyship says because it is impossible to suppose that out of my poor wit such a cunning trick could be concocted in a moment nor do I think my master is so mad that by my weak and feeble persuasion he could be made to believe a thing so out of all reason. But, senora, your excellence must not therefore think me ill-disposed for a dope like me is not bound to see into the thoughts and plots of those vile enchanters I invented all that to escape my master's scolding and not with any intention of hurting him if it has turned out differently there is a god in heaven who judges our hearts that is true said the duchess but tell me, sancho, what is this you say about the cave of Montesinos for I should like to know sancho upon this related to her word for word what has been said already touching that adventure and having heard it the duchess said from this occurrence it may be preferred that as the great don Quixote says he saw there the same country wench sancho saw on the way from El Toboso it is no doubt delcinea and there are some very active and exceedingly busy enchanters about so I say, said sancho and if my lady delcinea is enchanted so much the worse for her and I'm not going to pick a quarrel with my master's enemies who seem to be many and spiteful the truth is that the one I saw was a country wench and I sent her down to be a country wench and if that was delcinea it must not be laid at my door nor should I be called to answer for it or take the consequences but they must go nagging at me at every step sancho said it sancho there as if sancho was nobody at all and not that same sancho panza that's now going all over the world in books so Samson Grosco told me and he's at any rate one that's a bachelor of Salamanica and people of that sort can't lie except when the whim seizes them or they have some very good reason for it so there's no occasion for anybody to quarrel with me and then I have a good character and as I have heard my master say a good name is better than great riches let them only stick me into this government and they'll see wonders for one who has been a good squire will be a good governor all worthy sancho's observations said the duchess are catitonian sentences or at any rate out of the very heart of Michael Verino himself who Florentobus oxidit anus in fact to speak in his own style under a bad cloak there's often a good drinker indeed senora said sancho I never yet drank out of wickedness from thirst I have very likely for I have nothing of the hypocrite in me I drink when I'm inclined or if I'm not inclined when they offer it to me so as not to look either straight laced or ill bred for when a friend drinks one's health what heart can be so hard as not to return it but if I put on my shoes I don't dirty them besides squires to nights errant mostly drink water for they are always wandering among woods forests and meadows mountains and crags without a drop of wine to be had if they gave their eyes for it so I believe said the duchess and now let sancho go and take his sleep he will talk by and by at greater length and settle how he may soon go and stick himself into the government as he says sancho once more kissed the duchess's hand and entreated her to be so kind as to let good care be taken of his dapple for he was the light of his eyes what is dapple said the duchess my ass said sancho which not to mention him by that name I asked him to call dapple I begged this lady duena here to take care of him when I came into the castle and she got as angry as if I had said she was ugly or old though it ought to be more natural and proper for duenas to feed asses than to ornament chambers God bless me what a spite a gentleman of my village had against these ladies he must have been some clown said donya rodriguez the duena for if he had been a gentleman and well-born he would have exalted them higher than the horns of the moon that will do said the duchess no more of this hush donya rodriguez and let's in your ponds arrest easy and leave the treatment of dapple in my charge for as he is a treasure of sanchos I'll put him on the apple of my eye it will be enough for him to be in the stable said sancho for neither he nor I are worthy to rest a moment in the apple of your highnesses I and I'd at soon stab myself as consent to it for though my master says that in civilities it is better to lose by a card too many than a card too few when it comes to civilities to asses we must mind what we are about and keep within due bounds take him to your government sancho said the duchess and there you will be able to make as much of him as you like and even release him from work and pension him off don't think senora duchess that you have said anything absurd said sancho I have seen more than two asses go to governments and for me to take mine with me would be nothing new duchess laughed again and gave her fresh amusement and dismissing him to sleep she went away to tell the duke the conversation she had had with him end of section 45 recording by Doug Taylor squim Washington section 46 of library of the world's best literature ancient and modern volume 8 this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org recording by Doug Taylor squim Washington library of the world's best literature ancient and modern volume 8 section 46 selected excerpts by Cervantes part 4 by Miguel de Cervantes sancho panza as governor the history says that from the justice court they carried sancho to a sumptuous palace where in a spacious chamber there was a table laid out with royal magnificence the clarions sounded as sancho entered the room and four pages came forward to present him with water for his hands which sancho received with great dignity the music ceased and sancho seated himself at the head of the table for there was only that seat placed and no more than the one cover laid a personage who it appeared afterwards was a physician placed himself standing by his side with a whale bone wand in his hand they then lifted up a fine white cloth covering fruit and a great variety of dishes of different sorts one who looked like a student said grace and a page put a laced bib on sancho while another who played the part of head carver placed a dish of fruit before him but hardly had he tasted a morsel when the man with the wand touched the plate with it and they took it away from before him with the utmost celerity the carver however brought him another dish but before he could get at it not to say taste it already the wand had touched it and a page had carried it off with the same promptitude as the fruit sancho seeing this was puzzled and looking from one to another asked if this dinner was to be eaten after the fashion of a jugglery trick it is not to be eaten, senior governor except as is usual in customary other islands where there are governors I, senior am a physician and I am paid a salary in this island to serve its governors as such and I have a much greater regard for their health than for my studying day and night and making myself acquainted with the governor's constitution in order to be able to cure him when he falls sick the chief thing I have to do is to attend at his dinners and suppers and allow him to eat what appears to me to be fit for him and keep from him what I think will do him harm and be insurious to his stomach and therefore I ordered that the plate of fruit be removed as being too moist and that other dish I ordered to be removed as being too hot and containing too many spices to stimulate thirst drinks much, kills and consumes the radical moisture where in life can sears well then, said Sancho that dish of roast partridge is there that seems so savoury will not do me any harm to this the physician replied, of those, my lord, the governor shall not eat so long as I live why so replied Sancho be called, replied the doctor our master Hippocrates the pole star and beacon of medicine says in one of his aphorisms omnis satcharachio mala pedisis atimpissima which means all repletion is bad but that of partridge is the worst of all in that case said Sancho let's, in your doctor, see among the dishes that are on the table to deny me most good and least harm and let me eat it without tapping it with his stick for by the life of the governor and so may God suffer me to enjoy it but I'm dying of hunger and in spite of the doctor and all he may say to deny me food is to take my life instead of prolonging it your worship is right senor governor said the physician the worship I consider should not eat of those stewed rabbits there because it is a furry kind of food if that veal were not roasted and served with pickles you might try it but it is out of the question that big dish that is smoking farther off said Sancho seems to me to be an oleopoldrita out of the diversity of things in such oleas I can't fail to light up on something tasty and good for me said the doctor far from us be any such base for there is nothing in the world less nourishing than an oleopoldrita to cannons or rectors of colleges or peasants weddings with your oleas podridas but let us have none of them on the tables of governors for everything that is present should be delicate and refined the reason is that always everywhere and by everybody simple medicines are more esteemed than compound ones for we cannot go wrong in those that are simple while in the compound we may by merely altering the quantity of the things composing them but what I am of opinion the governor should eat now in order to preserve and fortify his health is a hundred or so a few more cakes and a few thin slices of conserved quinces which will settle his stomach and help his digestion Sancho, on hearing this threw himself back in his chair and surveyed the doctor steadily and in a solemn tone asked him what his name was and where he had studied he replied my name, senior governor is Dr. Pedro Ratio de Aguero I am a native of a place called Tiertea Fuera which lies between Caracuel and Almodovar del Campo on the right hand side and I have a degree of doctor from the University of Osuna to which Sancho glowing all over with rage returned then let Dr. Pedro Ratio de Maguero native of Tiertea Fuera a place that's on the right hand side as we go from Caracuel to Almodovar del Campo graduate of Osuna get out of my presence at once for I swear by the sun I'll take a cudgel and by dint of blows beginning with him I'll not leave a doctor in the whole island at least those I know to be ignorant for as to learned wise sensible physicians then I will reverence and honor as divine persons once more I say let Pedro Ratio get out this or I'll take this chair I am sitting on and break it over his head and if they call me to account for it I'll clear myself by saying I served God in killing a bad doctor a general executioner and now give me something to eat or else take your government for a trade that does not feed its master to beans Sancho, fool, bore and clown that he was held his own against them all saying to those round him and to doctor Pedro Ratio who as soon as the private business of the Duke's letter was disposed of had returned to the room now I see plainly enough that judges and governors ought to be and must be made of brass not to feel the importunities of the applicants that at all times all seasons insist on being heard and having their business dispatched and their own affairs and no others attended to come what may and if the poor judge does not hear them and settle the matter either because he cannot or because that is not the time set apart for hearing them forthwith they abuse him run him down and gnaw at his bones and even pick holes in his pedigree you silly stupid applicant don't be in a hurry wait for the proper time and season for doing business don't come at dinner hour or at bedtime for judges are only flesh and blood and must give to nature what she naturally demands of them oh, except myself for in my case I give her nothing to eat thanks to senor doctor Pedro Ratio Tratea where I here die of hunger and declares that death to be life and the same sort of life may God give him and all his kind I mean bad doctors for the good ones deserve palms and laurels all who knew Sancho Ponza were astonished to hear him speak so elegantly and did not know what to attribute it to unless it were that office and grave responsibility either smart nor stupefy men's wits at last doctor Pedro Ratio Agüero of Quitea Fuera promised to let him have supper that night though it might be in contravention of all the aphorisms of Hippocrates with this the governor was satisfied and look forward to the approach of night and supper time with great anxiety and though time to his mind stood still and made no progress nevertheless the hour he so long for came and they gave him a beef salad with onions and some boiled calves feet rather far gone at this he fell to with greater relish than if they had given him francolins from Milan pheasants from Rome veal from Sorrento partridges from Moron or geese from Lavajos and turning to the doctor at supper he said to him look here, senior doctor do you know enough about giving me dainty things or choice dishes to eat for it will be only taking my stomach off its hinges it is accustomed to goat, cow, bacon hung beef, turnips and onions and if by any chance it is given these palace dishes it receives them squeamishly and sometimes with loathing what the head carver had best do is to serve me with what they call oh yes, podridas and the rotten are they are the better they smell and he can put whatever he likes into them so long as it is good to eat and I'll be obliged to him I will requite him some day but let nobody play pranks on me for either we are or we are not let us live and eat in peace and good fellowship for when God sends the dawn he sends it for all and without giving up a right or taking a bribe let everyone keep his eye open and look out for the arrow for I can tell them the devil's in cantalana and if they drive me to it they'll see something that will astonish them hey, make yourself honey and the flies will eat you of a truth, senor governor said the carver your worship is in the right of it in everything you have said all the inhabitants of this island that they will serve your worship with all zeal, affection and goodwill for the mild kind of government you have given a sample of to begin with leaves them no ground for doing or thinking anything to your worship's disadvantage that I believe said sancho and they would be great fools if they did or thought otherwise at once more I say my dapples for that is the great point and what is most to the purpose and when the hour comes let us go the rounds for it is my intention to purge this island of all manner of uncleanness and of all idle good for nothing vagabonds for I would have you know, my friends that lazy idlers are the same thing in a state as the drones in a hide and eat up the honey the industrious take I mean to protect the husbandman to preserve to the gentleman his privileges to reward the virtuous and above all to respect religion and honor its ministers let's say to that my friends is there anything in what I say or am I talking to no purpose there is so much in what your worship says sr. governor said the major domo that I am filled with wonder when I see a man like your worship entirely without learning for I believe you have none at all say such things and so full of sound maxims and sage remarks very different from what was expected of your worship's intelligence by those who sent us or by us who came here every day we see something new in this world jokes become realities and the jokers find the tables turned upon them the night of the governor's round a night which the head carver passed without sleeping so full were his thoughts of the face and air and beauty of the disguised damsel while the major domo spent what was left of it in writing an account to his lord and lady of all sancho said and did being as much amazed at his sayings as at his doings for there was a mixture of shrewdness and simplicity in all his words and deeds the senior governor got up and by Dr. Pedro Rachel's directions they made him break his fast on a little conserve and forceps of cold water which sancho would have readily exchanged for a piece of bread and a bunch of grapes but seeing there was no help for it he submitted with no little sorrow of heart and a discomfort of stomach Pedro Rachel having persuaded him that light and delicate diet and liven to the wits and that was what was most essential for persons placed in command and in responsible situations where they have to employ not only the bodily powers but those of the mind also by means of this sofastry sancho was made to endure hunger and hunger so keen that in his heart he cursed the government and even him who had given it to him however with his hunger and his conserve he undertook to deliver judgments that day and the first thing that came before him was a question that was submitted to him by a stranger in the presence of the major domo and the other attendants and it was in these words senor a large river separated to two districts of one and the same lordship will your worship please to pay attention for the case is an important and a rather naughty one well then on this river there was a bridge and at one end of it a gallows and a sort of tribunal where four judges commonly sat to administer the law which the lord of the river bridge and the lordship had enacted and which was to this effect if anyone crosses by this bridge from one side to the other he shall declare on oath where he is going and with what object if he swears truly he shall be allowed to pass but if falsely he shall be put to death for it by hanging on the gallows erected there without any remission though the law and its severe penalty were known many persons crossed but in their declarations it was easy to see it once they were telling the truth and the judges let them pass free it happened however his declaration swore and said that by the oath he took he was going to die upon that gallows that stood there and nothing else the judges held a consultation over the earth and they said if we let this man pass free he is sworn falsely and by the law he ought to die but if we hang him as he swore he was going to die on that gallows and therefore swore the truth by the same law he ought to go free it is asked of your lordships and your governor what are the judges to do with this man for they are still in doubt and perplexity and having heard of your worships acute and exalted intellect they have sent me to entreat your worship on their behalf to give your opinion on this very intricate and puzzling case to this Sancho made answer indeed those gentlemen judges that send you to me might have spared themselves the trouble for I have more of the obtuse than the acute in me however repeat the case over again so that I may understand it and then perhaps I may be able to hit the point the queris repeated again and again what he had said before and then Sancho said it seems to me I can set the matter right in a moment and in this way the man swears that he is going to die upon the gallows but if he dies upon it he has sworn the truth and by the law enacted deserves to go free and pass over the bridge but if they don't hang him then he has sworn falsely and by same law deserves to be hanged it is as the senior governor says said the messenger and as regards a complete comprehension of the case there is nothing left to desire or hesitate about well then I say said Sancho that of this man they should let pass the part that is sworn truly and hang the part that is lied and in this way the conditions of the passage will be fully complied with but then senior governor replied the querist the man will have to be divided into two parts and if he is divided of course he will die and so none of the requirements the law will be carried out and it is absolutely necessary to comply with it look here my good sir said Sancho either I'm a numbskull or else there is the same reason for this passenger dying as for his living and passing over the bridge for if the truth saves him the falsehood equally condemns him and that being the case it is my opinion you should say to the gentleman who sent that as the arguments for condemning him and for absolving him are exactly balanced they should let him pass freely as it is always more praise worthy to do good than to do evil this I would give signed with my name if I knew how to sign and what I have said in this case is not out of my own head but one of the many precepts my master Don Quixote gave me right before I left to become governor of this island that came into my mind and it was this that when there was any doubt about the justice of a case I should lean to mercy and it is God's will that I should recollect it now for it fits this case as if it was made for it that is true said the major domo and I maintain that like Kyrgos himself who gave laws to the Lassidominians does not have pronounced a better decision than the great panza has given that the morning's audience close with this and I will see that the senior governor has dinner entirely to his liking that's all I ask for fair play said Sancho give me my dinner and then let it rain cases and questions on me and I'll dispatch them in a twinkling the major domo kept his word for he felt it against his conscience to kill so wise a governor by hunger particularly as he intended to have done with him that same night playing off the last joke he was commissioned to practice upon him it came to pass then that after he had dined that day in opposition to the rules and aphorisms of Dr. Tetea Fuera as they were taking away the cloth there came a courier with a letter from Don Quixote for the governor Sancho ordered the secretary to read it to himself and if there was nothing in it he would need to read it aloud the secretary did so and after he had skimmed the contents he said it may well be read aloud for what senor Don Quixote writes to your worship deserves to be printed or written in letters of gold and it is as follows Don Quixote of Lamanche's letter to Sancho Ponza governor of the island of Barataria when I was expecting to hear of thy stupidities and wonders friend Sancho I have received intelligence of thy displays of good sense for which I give special thanks to heaven they can raise the poor from the dung hill and the fools to make wise men they tell me thou dost govern as if thou were to man and art a man as if thou were to beast so great is the humility wherewith thou dost comport thyself but I would have thee bear in mind very often it is fitting and necessary for the authority of office to resist the humility of the heart for the seemingly array of one who is invested with grave duties could be such as they require and not measured by what his own humble tastes may lead him to prefer dress well a stick dressed up does not look like a stick I do not say thou should swear trinkets or fine raiment or that being a judge thou shouldst dress like a soldier but that thou shouldst array thyself in the apparel thy office requires and that at the same time it be neat and handsome to win the goodwill of the people thou governest there are two things among others that thou must do one is to be civil to all this however I told thee before and the other is to take care that food be abundant for there is nothing that vexes the heart of the poor more than hunger and high prices make not many proclamations but those thou makes take care that they be good ones and above all that they be observed and carried out for proclamations that are not observed are the same as if they did not exist nay they encourage the idea that the prince who had the wisdom and authority to make them the power to enforce them and laws that threaten and are not enforced come to be like the log the king of the frogs that frighten them at first but that in time they despised and mounted upon be a father to virtue and a stepfather to vice be not always strict nor yet always lenient but observe a mean between these two extremes for in that is the aim of wisdom visit the jails the slaughter houses and the marketplaces for the presence of the governor is of great importance in such places it comforts the prisoners who are in hopes of a speedy release it is the bugbear of the butchers who had then to give just weight and it is the terror of the marketwomen for the same reason let it not be seen that thou art if perchance thou art which I do not believe covetous a follower of women or a glutton for when the people and those that have dealings with thee become aware of thy special weakness they bring their batteries to bear upon thee in that quarter till they have brought thee down to the depths of perdition consider and reconsider con and con over again the advice and the instructions I gave thee before thy departure hence to thy government and thou wilt see that in them if thou dost follow them thou hast a help at hand that will lighten for thee the troubles and difficulties that beset governors at every step write to thy lord and lady and show thyself grateful to them for in gratitude is the daughter of pride and one of the greatest sins we know of and he who is grateful to those who have been good to him shows that he will be so to God also who has bestowed and still bestows so many blessings upon him my lady the duchess sent off a messenger with thy suit and another present to thy wife Teresa Ponza we expect the answer every moment I have been a little indisposed through a certain scratching I came in for not very much to the benefit of my nose but it was nothing for if there are enchanters who maltreat me there are also some who defend me let me know if the major domo who is with thee had any share in the trifle thee performance as thou did suspect and keep me informed of everything that happens thee as the distance is so short all the more as I am thinking of giving over very shortly this idle life I am now leading for I was not born for it a thing has occurred to me which I am inclined to think will put me out of favor with the ducan duchess but though I am sorry for it I do not care for after all I must obey my calling rather than their pleasure in accordance with the common saying amicus platos and magus amica veritas I quote this Latin to thee because I conclude that since thou hast been a governor you have learned it adieu God keep thee from being an object of pity to anyone thy friend Don Quixote de la Mancha Sancho listened to the letter with great attention and it was praised and considered wise by all who heard it he then rose up from table and calling his secretary shut himself in with him in his own room and without putting it off any longer answering his master Don Quixote at once and he bade the secretary write down what he told him without adding or suppressing anything which he did and the answer was to the following effect Sancho pawns his letter to Don Quixote de la Mancha the pressure of business is so great upon me that I have no time to scratch my head or even to cut my nails and I have them so long God send a remedy for it I say this master of my soul that you may not be surprised if I have not until now sent you word how I fare well or ill in this government in which I am suffering more hunger than when we too were wandering through the woods and wastes my lord the Duke wrote to me the other day to warn me that certain spies had got into this island to kill me but up to the present I have not found out any and the doctor receives a salary in this town for killing all the governors that come here he is called to Dr. Pedro Racheo and is from Tiertea Fuera so you can see what a name he has to make me dread dying under his hands this doctor says of himself that he does not cure diseases when there are any but prevents them coming and the medicines he uses are diet and more diet until he brings one down to bare bones as if leanness was not worse than fever in short he is killing me with hunger and I am dying myself of vexation for when I thought I was coming to this government to get my meat hot and my drink cool and take my ease between the holland sheets on feather beds I find I have come to do penance as if I was a hermit and as I don't do it willingly I suspect that in the end the devil will carry me off so far I have not handled any dues or taken any bribes and I don't know what to think of it for here they tell me that the governors that come to this island before entering it have plenty of money either given to them or lent to them by the people of the town and that this is the usual custom with all who enter upon governments last night going around I came upon a fair damsel in man's clothes and a brother of hers dressed as a woman my head carver has fallen in love with the girl and has in his own mind chosen her for a wife so he says and I have chosen the youth for a son-in-law today we are going to explain our intentions to the father of the pair who is one Diego de la Liana a gentleman and an old Christian as much as you please I have visited the marketplaces as your worship advises me and yesterday I found a stallkeeper selling new hazelnuts and proved her to have mixed a bushel of old empty rotten nuts with a bushel of new I confiscated the whole for the children of the charity school who know how to distinguish them well enough and I sentenced her not to come into the marketplace for a fortnight they told me I did bravely I can tell your worship it is commonly said in this town that there are no people worse than the market women for they are all bare-faced unconscionable and impudent and I can well believe it from what I have seen in them in other towns I am very glad my lady the Duchess has written to my wife Teresa Ponza and sent her the present your worship speaks of and I will try to show myself grateful when the time comes kiss her hands for me and tell her I say she has not thrown it into a sack with a hole in it as she will see in the end I should not like your worship to have any difference with my lord and lady for if you fall out with them it is plain it must do me harm and as you give me advice to be grateful it will not do for your worship not to be so yourself to those who have shown you such kindness and by whom you have been treated so hospitably in their castle that about the scratching I don't understand but I suppose it must be one of the ill turns the wicked enchanters are always doing your worship when we meet I shall know all about it I wish I could send your worship something but I don't know what to send unless it be some very curious pleister pipes to work with ladders that they make in this island but if the office remains with me I'll find out something to send one way or another if my wife Teresa Ponsa writes to me be the postage and send me the letter for I have a very great desire to hear how my house and wife and children are going on and so may God deliver your worship from evil minded enchanters and bring me well and peacefully out of this government I doubt for I expect to take leave of it and my life together from the way Dr. Pedro Rache treats me your worship servant Sancho Ponsa the governor the secretary sealed the letter and immediately dismissed the courier and those who were carrying on the joke against Sancho putting their heads together arranged how he was to be dismissed from the government Sancho spent the afternoon in drawing up certain ordinances relating to the good government in the island he reduced the prices of shoes boots and stockings but of shoes in particular as they seemed to him to run extravagantly high he established a fixed rate for servants wages which were becoming recklessly exorbitant he laid extremely heavy penalties upon those who sang lewd or loose songs either by day or night he decreed that no blind man should sing of any miracle in verse he could produce authentic evidence that it was true for it was his opinion that most of those the blind men sing are trumped up to the detriment of the true ones he established and created an aguacil of the poor not to harass them but to examine them and see whether they really were so for many a sturdy thief or drunkard goes about under cover of a make-believe crippled limb or a sham sore in a word he made so many good rules that to this day they are preserved there and are called the constitutions of the great governor Sancho Ponza end of section 46 recording by Doug Taylor Squim Washington