 And welcome back to the fix section. Today we have Sheikh Ayyub with us. Honour to have you, Sheikh. Salamu alaykum wa rahmatullah. Wa alaykum salam wa rahmatullah wa barakatuh. Welcome, Sheikh. So I'd love to see you. Thank you. Alhamdulillah. It's nice to see you too. Thank you. Sheikh, you have to forgive me, but we've got a really overtaxing question. It's one of the hot topics, one of the topics that keep coming up, you know, continuously. So we have a question, Sheikh. It's regarding polygamy and the question reads, I had an arranged marriage in my 20s to conform to my traditional parents wishes. However, I recently met someone whom I feel a real connection on a spiritual religious level with and I wish to take her as my second wife. I am able to afford maintaining two marriages and I do not wish to divorce my first wife. But my wife, my first wife, is threatening to divorce me and also to prevent me from meeting our children. If I decide to marry for a second time, that is the threat. I have tried to be open and honest with my wife, but she is not budging. What should I do? And it's from an anonymous individual from the UK. Muslim brother in a tight situation, to say the least. Yeah, this is a difficult situation where the brother is in. So he is able to take care of the both wives if he wants to marry. But the problem is from the other side where the wife doesn't want to be in this relationship. It is a tough situation, but there are few things if we want to look at them from a jurisprudential aspect. And number one is was there any contract between the husband and wife when they were getting married? Where, for example, the wife said, I will not allow you to get married in my marriage life with you. If there was a contract where a wife and husband signed and it said clearly that a husband will not be able to marry another wife, then, of course, definitely he will not be able to marry because of the contract. Is a permissible clause here? It is according to our jurists and these are Maraji. They have given that particular permission that yes, it can stay if they agree. And this is according to Shuraat. Sometimes when we attend the marriage, what you call ceremonies, you can hear when they exchange vows that the dowry will be a particular amount of money or anything according to their agreement with conditions. So these conditions need to be looked at carefully because the Holy Quran talks about condition, meaning stick to your whatever contracts you have agreed upon. So long as it is not against the Holy Quran, not against the hadith of the Holy Prophet, An-A'ima, alayhimu salam. And number two, it's according to the hadith. Hadith says, al-mu'minuna, that believers have to stick to their conditions. So on the basis of conditions, yes. But the husband needs to be very careful or very much aware of what the consequence is going to be, as well as the wife. Is the wife, let's assume, look at it from both ways, if that term wasn't in the contract, is the wife, is the sister going out on a limb because she has a right to divorce him in that kind of context and also, will she have a right, Islamically, to say, well, because I'm angry, you just won't be able to see your children? No, the answer is definitely no. Angry doesn't make anything in terms of law because the sister is angry, then the law will be changed according to her angry. It's not like that. Of course, she will be committing sin, especially if she says, for example, you are not going to see my children. The children, according to Islam, are of the father and the mother and it's for the both parents to take care of the children. So she doesn't have a right to say, you will not be able to see my children. And this point is very important. It happens within our community sometimes because of anger, sisters may say things, brothers may say things. We need to remind them that your marriage became into existence because you decided to follow the Islamic laws. So Islamic laws need to be applied here. So they continue before the marriage, during the marriage, and after if it so happens that the marriage ends? Indeed, indeed. So we need to be careful about that. And actually one of the interesting verses which I recited during the marriage ceremony is the first ayah in Surah An Nisa. The first ayah in Surah No. 4, where at the end it says clearly, what taqwa Allah, what taqwa Allah, and have taqwa, fear Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. Have good consciousness within you because this taqwa is before the marriage, during the marriage, after the marriage, if the marriage is not going to work, we need to adhere to the taqwa principles. So No. 2, or No. 3, regarding the marriage itself, it cannot be dissolved because the sister is angry, another woman is about to come into existence and the brother is going to marry. So he's perfectly within his rights to say because he can financially afford it, he's happy to maintain both of them. So she hasn't got a right to object to that Islamic law. These are not one of the things which will allow her to go out of marriage because the husband wants to get married to another wife. It is difficult for some sisters, or I can say many sisters, but actually the permission for a brother to marry a second wife and even the third and fourth has been given by Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. And when we look at many aspects of why a brother can marry more than a wife, it is easy for us to say that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala knows the best. Allah knows the masala, the benefits of why he has given permission for Muslim brothers to marry the second and the third and the fourth. However, there need to be conditions which needs to be looked at and in this case here we can see this brother says I can afford to take care of a second wife. So that's a key issue. But to be able to take care of a second wife also psychologically, socially and emotionally, so there are many things which need to be looked at. So it's not only financially. So in this particular question, he's had an arranged marriage in his 20s which is still happening frequently in our communities. His parents were happy in the 20s but he doesn't seem like he's made a connection with his wife because the second wife he's saying woman, lady is a connection of a spiritual and religious level. So is he perfectly allowed in that situation to say in terms of in front of Allah that that's permissible to take on a second wife and for the wife then to sort of maybe they don't have that sort of connection religiously in a practical level. What would you say to that? I think there are few things to look at here. Number one, it seems they were very young when they got married. And one of the things which are advised to the parents and to the family members when someone is getting married we need to support that marriage, especially when they are young. We need to encourage them, we need to talk to them, we need to make sure that they understand the institution of marriage properly. That's number one. And number two, these days and I really ask for centers, Maulana's, Shuyukh to talk to people before they get married to explain the things which will happen. Like a pre-marriage counseling. Indeed, and some communities they have started to do that. Yeah, yeah. These councils are very important because sometimes people think that to get married, especially some young brothers is just to take this sister live with her in your house and that's it. But there are many things which need to be looked at. So when we say connection, spiritual connection or other connection what do you mean by that? And another thing is the relationship grows day by day when two people live together. And one of the things which Muslims and Islam sometimes can be seen as if it is it is kind of not understanding the situation not to allow the sister and brother to live together. Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala through his Rahma and Masih makes two people who don't know one another properly. Two strangers. Two strangers. They come into existence in this institution of marriage. Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala the way he says he has made out of this relationship Mawadda and Rahma. So there is Rahma Masih. However, we need to teach and nurture the institution of marriage between the two young boy and girl or sister and brother in order for them to understand you know what? Yes, this is according to the Sunnah of Rasulullah. This is a Sunnah of Imam Amir and Fatima to Zahra. Absolutely, you're right. But in a real life context we have incompatibility. There may be someone who is so materialistic and it's like I don't really want to go to the mosque to pray on Friday. And the man is looking for something that's more meaningful in life. He's yearning by the sounds a bit for that spiritual connection. So it could be completely justified what he's saying. It works both ways as well. So in terms that we can say to two people but they could be chalk and cheese and they can maybe never see eye to eye. So in this context if the first wife was absolutely adamant and she's putting these threats on him he's under pressure. Is it better he does Mawadda or should he do a temporary marriage as opposed to a permanent? Or what's his sort of what are his permissible boundaries in that context then? Yeah, sure. Doing Mawadda is permissible. It is allowed. Especially if the brother sees that the time for me to go into permanent marriage is not ready yet he can go into that institution. In incompatibility when we talk about it there is within if I can say many marriages and some of the things will grow gradually day by day, year by year so the patience is what is needed here and understanding. Patience. Patience. Because there's going to be so many sisters watching who are going to say if he doesn't have that if they're not that spiritually compatible why doesn't he work on it? Why does he need to get another wife? Because you know that we're living in the era and I've got to be frank of anti-polygamy and that's just the Muslims that was all right in the times of when the Quran was revealed that's for war that's for those societies but now we have civil society law and order and police ambulances and social services why do you need to still have this ancient tradition? Yeah, indeed and it's unfortunate to say that there are some people who are looking at Islamic let me call them laws that these are backwards laws they can't function at the modern time but we need to remember that these laws came from Allah our creator knows us better so when he says a man is allowed to marry more than a wife there are reasons there and these reasons will continue to be like that I think in the future we are coming to a level where maybe there will be people who will propagate for no marriages at all that the best life for a man to live alone and for a woman to live alone Islam says no we need to go to the real situation who is this man and who is this woman they need to come together for many reasons in order for them to produce children who will go and the way we say fill the world for the betterment of they themselves so there are many issues which we need to look at however we have a caller on him we have a caller on the line Ahmed from London Salam Aleykum Aleykum Salam would you like to pose your question to the sheikh yes please thank you very much sheikh Masha Allah great in depth talk you've been doing following the program it's really really interesting it's something that we need now to meet you to discuss topics like this the question I have is that I've heard that it's better to take a second wife who is widowed or who is divorced could you please shed some light on that certain women unfortunately in our community are neglected inshallah widows and those women who are divorced and surely they need to be married they should have a priority compared to those who have never been married before so could you shed a little bit of light on that and what we are to do with widows and those females are divorced thank you very much sheikh thank you very much thank you very interesting thank you brother Ahmed very interesting question Masha Allah Masha Allah indeed brother Ahmed has got a very strong point for those brothers who want to marry the second and more than a wife they need to look at these criteria especially if we we call ourselves people who follow the sunnah of the holy prophet sunnah of imma alayhimu salam then the holy prophet imams of ahlul bayt alayhimu salam noble people when they wanted to get married to a second wife they used to look at these criteria there is a widow here someone and especially in those eras or times they want there was no this what you call social system of helping people who are in need so it was not only to take care of the sister and maybe they were orphans there and the holy prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam says clearly khairul boyuti indallah baytun fihi atimun mukram the best of the houses in the eyes of Allah is the house where there is an orphan who has been taken care of so imagine if a brother marries a widow and there are children there who are orphans Allah will bless that particular house definitely so yes we need to go for that and those sisters also who don't have means to support their lives even if they are not widows we need to think for them also so my understanding of what you've said today and enlighten us with your knowledge is that when Islam is talking about marriage it's about building yourself into sort of more building an omniscience about a spiritual and religious environment whereas when we're looking at culture today it's about ownership that you married me and you mustn't now look at anybody else and that seems to be trail and that's and so on and so forth so we have this conflict of what marriage is a holistic outlook so in just as a final point so coming towards the end what is marriage meant to mean to an Islamic couple maybe are looking to get married or are married what is marriage in Islam marriage in Islam consists of many things number one in order for a man and a woman to fulfill their natural needs if we can call them humanistic needs they need to marry in order for them to support one another according to the Holy Quran it says clearly women are your garments you men women are your garments and you women men are your garments so garments is there to clothe me to cover my shame to cover me from cold and so on and so forth so we are there to support one another number two there are children there who are going to be born out of this man and woman we need to take care of them we talk about Ummati Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa alayhi wa salam Kuntum ghayra ummah you are the best of the nations and the ummah why? because you do amru bil marufan nahyan il munkah ummah can be formed through a sister and a brother when there are children there Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala also says about financially or economical issues that if brother is poor and sister is poor by getting married Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala may make them rich so there are many other reasons benefits and blessings and blessings and the last one is spiritual benefit which islam says la rahabani yata fil islam there is no celibacy in islam in order for me to become a high kind of spiritual person I don't need to marry islam says no by marrying you will become a spiritual person because you can help the sister and the sister can help you and it is the sunnah of the awliya and sulaha noble people all of them we look at them they didn't live alone but they had a wife to support them or a wife to be supported by a husband thank you so much thank you so much Shaykh that was very interesting that was eye opening thank you and I think so we can say safely that this brother it's permissible for him to marry inshallah they come to an understanding we'll probably get a shot for that with all the women so we've got time you can go have a cup of tea have a break short break and we'll be back with a new recipe for weight loss smoothies apparently you're making it apparently so so we'll see you soon inshallah