 So he said it's over. We're going to talk about how to move on after heartbreak Okay, first off, let's face it. The end of a relationship is sort of a death While not in the same sense of a human or even an animal or pet that you own It's the death of a dream It's the death of a dream. So obviously if there's going to be death of a dream there's probably a corresponding feeling of Pain associated with that. It's that's a just a very common very human feeling But we're going to talk about how to move on after that now ladies oftentimes you get so fixated on Why he ended the relationship you go you want I mean there are articles about articles about why did he move? Oh, why did he pull away? Why doesn't he commit? Why doesn't he love me and And many of you oftentimes in that heartbreak in that fear in that anxiety you will chase a man To get his affections back to get that that feeling of being wanted by another human being and I want to encourage you all If it doesn't work for one of you It doesn't work for both of you I'm gonna repeat that that's really important if it doesn't work for one of you It doesn't work for both of you And yet I've witnessed women losing their mind over a man. They dated only three or four months Not even that significant of a relationship that they've literally are in the pit of despair Over someone they barely knew and god forbid it's worse. It's a cyber relationship I can't begin to tell you how many humans find themselves in what I call cyber relationships And what it means is you have a relationship more with your telephone You're touching your smartphone more than you're touching the other human being most of your connection is through cyber connection Now what's interesting about this and I'm I'm not going to spend too much time because I'm going to talk about how to move on after a breakup But these cyber connections if you will I call them cyber You know Their virtual connections if you will create something known as artificial intimacy See why you felt so connected to this other human being from an artificial sense Or from a from a cyber sense is that it's artificial intimacy You feel a sense of closeness, but more importantly you've given your heart You've given your power away to another human being in many cases And so in a in a in a day-to-day relationship, there's an actual you know separation when someone ends it And by the way, even though the title says he said it's over moving on after a heartbreak Well, this is true for this is by the way, this video is for men and women alike Because what I've observed with so many people that they've given their power away To another human being now I did a video once called the seven ways women give their power away Um seven wait, what's it called? Yeah, it's called seven wait here. Here's the script for it So look it up. I want you to check out this video the seven ways women give their power away And I think heartbreak first is recognizing what caused the heartbreak like why do you feel heartbroken? Well in many cases in the way women give their power away as the relationship is on the man's terms You oftentimes abandon your standards And worse you abandon your boundaries and if you've banned in your boundaries if you've given him your power Then when he he moves on he's taking away a piece of your heart But you and I don't mean a piece. I mean your your your sovereignty's perspective of your heart If you haven't read my book what the heck is self-love anyway a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work There's a link below to get a copy of all the books. I recommend in my videos under Jonathan recommend books in the show notes And then the first comment Well, it's not a dating a relationship book. It's all about gaining your power your sense of sovereignty And when you abandon your standards you abandon your boundaries It's going to be rather challenging to get them back because you gave it to him So that heartbreak is that he took your standards and boundaries because you gave it to him not your love. I'm talking about And that's what you're feeling pain over You know in many cases women are afraid to speak their truth You know sadly and they know this is a crude illustration, but there's duct tape over your mouth. There's duct tape Okay Now I understand why many of you have duct tape over your mouth because you're afraid And most likely there was a significant trauma that happened in your childhood or your adult relationships That caused you to lose your voice In fact, I highly recommend Reading the book the Hoffman process the Hoffman process This is a deep dive into healing your childhood wounds and adult traumas that may have taken your voice away But the minute you've given you've taken your your own voice away by not speaking up You've given him all the power in a relationship to cause heartbreak You know, it's interesting when a relationship ends when you've given your power a all the focus is on him Why did he do it? It's all focused on him very rarely. Are you redirecting? That focus on yourself and we're going to talk about that in a few minutes as well And then god forbid you've been in a relationship where you're constantly waiting for him to initiate contact to create validation in your life If that's occurred You've given your power away You know the other thing a lot of humans do in relationship. This is true of men and women alike They stopped doing their normal routines That they had prior to the relationship. I am guilty of this In my last relationship. I got out of many of my routines because I just enjoyed the company And that wasn't healthy for me. I recognize that now And it's important to have what you had in your pre-life You know, obviously you're not going to have as much time as you, you know, did in your prior You know prior to a relationship, but don't abandon your what you your those important things in your life for another human being Now this happens heartbreak is I can't live without them. I can't live without them Folks, many of you know, I've lost a child. In fact, there's a picture of my son conna right there in the obey shirt It's my son who passed away over five years ago I can tell you That I didn't experience the death of a dream. I experienced the death of my child And what i'm going to share with you in a few minutes Is how I was able to come to a sense of peace Over his loss because the loss of a child or a pet is far more significant than someone you've been dating for a few months Or even possibly a year and I recognize a year-long relationship is a significant relationship And we're going to have to heal from that. That's critically important I wonder excuse my slurping. Oh, by the way, my coffee mug says don't make me go also a psycho roommate on you I will try to keep it tame on this video you know Oftentimes when a significant relationship ends someone you deeply cared for you feel as though that's the only person Oh my god, jonathan. I had the most amazing chemistry with them. The sex was off the charts And yet you are unfulfilled in many parts of the relationship most likely When a man ends the relationship as I said before if it wasn't working for him most likely there aren't parts working for you Now many of you know, I had a significant relationship that ended We were together about 14 months Before the relationship ended and we lived together nine of those months This was significant to me and I mentioned this because interestingly enough we're reconnecting She's visiting in she's coming into Los Angeles We're going to meet up for a lunch probably an hour hour and a half because she has a doctor's appointment nearby where I live I share this with you because I'm going to share how I got through this how I moved on from this relationship And I can tell you that I feel in a good place Listen, I'd be lying to you if I didn't say there's a residual sadness for me Because it is there was a death of a dream. I was I was um To some degree I got caught up in the fantasy of the relationship without recognizing that there were some deficiencies You know, but thankfully I didn't have to call a doctor. I didn't have to call an attorney. I didn't have to call a policeman See if you're in a type of a relationship where you have to call a doctor an attorney or policeman Yes, that's a relationship you need to move on from The most garden variety relationships don't work out for reasons that we all know internally And yet we don't look in the mirror We oftentimes blame the other person without looking at what was our role in this relationship Now doctors will tell you I mean medical I mean professionals will tell you That when a relationship ends Give yourself some space And I'm fully in agreement with that. It's important to reintegrate when the tapestry of a relationship ends It's time to reinvest in yourself. That's critically important. There's no doubt about that Let me tell you something if you're losing your mind for someone you dated for three months There's some real deep inner work that needs to be done You know versus just taking some space I mean, I'm in agreement with taking space but more importantly if you're losing your shirt over someone you barely know Boy, that's a time to get some deep help In fact, I invite you all to go seek an elder to go seek a professional To help you unravel why you gave your power away to another human being because that's all that's happened From my perspective anyway, you know, they suggest keeping busy I think busy can be a benefit Because it takes your mind off of the relationship, but it can also be busy is actually a different kind of Self-medication some people keep so busy that they don't allow themselves to feel their feelings To truly feel the pain of the loss I can tell you folks When I dropped Marie off at the airport Meaning I was sending, you know, she was moving on to To florida I was driving through lax and I was screaming at the top of my lungs. I just wanted to go I mean, I'm not going to demonstrate it here, but I screamed at the top of my lungs in the car With the basically saying the airport. I mean like I mean I was screaming loud. I just wanted to Release the feeling Of this ending And by the way, we have to we release in pieces So recognize that keeping busy is important at the same time I invite you to feel your feelings And certainly take time for yourself. Don't put yourself back out in the dating marketplace Some some coaches will tell you the best way to get over someone is to go seek someone new No That is not fair to the other person if you haven't truly reconciled That past relationship Now I want to say talking to family and friends is critically important Talking to family and friends You know share your feelings with this is this is what life is all about life isn't just isn't about by the way We are blessed. I'm going to go off on a tangent here We are blessed that we don't live at least here in the united states in some sense of war Time experience we we actually have been given the benefit Of exploring our inner world because we're not hyper focused on the basic hat Maslow's hierarchy of needs of survival We've all been given this gift of being able to explore our inner world This is why I recommend book after book after book after book If you really want to get a sense of your emotions, I haven't recommended this book This is a thick mother, okay It's called the language of emotions What your feelings are trying to tell you I I mean this is like I said, it's a thick book You may want to check it out link below to get all the books. I recommend The language of emotions You know after a heartbreak go through and do some work On yourself and please don't use drugs and alcohol as a way to self medicate And please please please take good care of yourself because here's where I'm going to get to Moving on Folks I learned this with my son In fact, my book what the heck is self love anyway was birthed after the passing of my son and I Actually reached a level of acceptance Very quickly I accepted his loss accepting the death of a dream Is it accepting the loss accepting the loss? I think helps elevate our our acceleration from moving on Much quicker when we get to a place of acceptance sure we're going to feel denial and anger and bargaining and all those things in the wheel of death The wheel of death. I'm sorry You know the hierarchy of of emotions of grief. Excuse me of grief In a relationship, I think it should be easier to get to acceptance because it isn't you know, it isn't the same as losing a pet or a loved one And I'm talking about objective Objective acceptance See objective acceptance goes like this. I want everyone to write this down I want you to first write down and ask yourself What positive things about myself? Did I learn in this relationship? What positive things about myself? Did I learn in this relationship? It's the first thing I did When when when my relationship ended, you know, one of the most positive things I learned about myself I was capable of going all in Was capable of going all in I really I don't think I ever went all in in my marriage And I don't think I ever went all in in my my significant relationship after my divorce for the first time in my life It's really I I want to say that not only Am I proud of myself? And I'm just using me as an example. You have to you have to examine this for yourself. What positive things did you learn about yourself? number two How did you heal from this relationship? How did you heal? Folks, many of you know, I've mentioned this in previous videos. I have what's I am a I am a recovering anxious attachment style if you're not familiar with the work of Dr. Stan Tatkin and Wired for love and attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller. I highly recommend checking this out I am a recovered anxious attacher. Okay. I'm going to call myself out But there's anxious avoidant and secure. I highly recommend checking out these books I feel as though I've healed pretty much You know as close to being secure as possible I share this because one of the critical components of moving on Is healing our love attachment style Because if we're feeling deep heartbreak Then we're obviously disconnected from ourselves. We've given our power to another Please forgive those armpit stains. It's just hot up here with the lights And the next two things I invite you all to do Is to ask yourself What was good about each relationship? What was good? Really get nitty gritty Can I share with you mine? One of the things I loved about our relationship was going to Costco together. I love that I loved how we worked as a team There's so many beautiful qualities about Marie that I truly respect and admire And rather than feeling it as a loss. I'd rather feel it as a sense of Of of gratitude because that's the fourth piece is being grateful For this person to be in your life not from a place of pining for them because here's the danger You can do this what was good and what you're most grateful for and then go Oh my god, that's the only person that can give me what I want. No folks Soulmates come into our lives to bring us a lesson to teach us a lesson Our true love goes to school with us each and every day holding hands. Okay If if that person isn't ready to hold hands with you for the distance There is somebody else out there that is Your person I want you to know We have an abundance of great people out there and oftentimes we individual sabotage Our own relationships by giving our power away to another human being There's nothing easy about doing the work. It's not this is this is this is really deep stuff to really own Our own sovereignty And yet the reward at the other end whether you're in a relationship or not The reward at the other end is a sense of inner peace And that's my invitation for you all Is to love yourself in such a way that you will never feel heartbreak You might feel sadness you might feel Some sting that's natural But the end of the day you love yourself so much that you're going to put up pick up your britches and put yourself out there Is this sinking in is this resonating with you? Please let me know if it is post a comment below I'd like to hear your thoughts I do my best to read them all in the first 24 hours if you like this video Please hit that like button. Please share this video Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell so you can be notified of new videos as well Also, if you'd like to connect with me, there's a link below to schedule a discovery call with me to see If working with the coach is right for you or you can follow me on instagram You can join my group called midlife love mastery where you can have direct access to me on a regular basis All the links below including the link to get the books. I recommend All right, those who know my live format know that it's time for q&a If you have a question In the chat box Write the word question then post the question there after or you can purchase a super sticker super chat All the monies from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son connor asley That's a picture of him with his brother It is in his honor We donate to causes like the hockman process insight institute and we give scholarships to private coaching as well All right, so hit that little dollar sign. Our goal today is 50 dollars. Let's get some love going today Hit that dollar sign to send us some love All right If you have a question by the way, you're more than welcome to ask me personal questions because I shared some personal stuff with you Kath says jonathan love your transparency honesty about your past relationship. Thank you You know what? I i'm actually very proud of myself my capacity to be Vulnerable to be authentic to be transparent. I really am proud of myself So thank you for honoring me by pointing that out. I really appreciate it leah is in the house Do you agree that most important thing to men are sex food money? And for the most part if you're satisfied these three things men are completely satisfied You know, I think This is gonna sound like a judgment. So I want to be careful. I believe low vibration men Men who are driven by their lower chakra that chakra for power that chakra for sex that lower chakra I think for the most part that might be true Even the most until this isn't about intellect about a man This is about where his libido lies if his libido lies in food money and power and sex See power doesn't have to be the same as money. Okay, but I included that in there see men who Desire a real heart connection men who desire a real connection with a partner on an emotional level men who desire emotional intimacy They're not satisfied with those three things. Yes, that's him. By the way, it's him. By the way, I mean now Let me be clear. I'm a guy that likes to have lots of sex So I want to be with a partner that likes it morning, noon and night. I'm just gonna own that piece Okay, and I'm over 50 I sure I like money money is the sense of safety and security food is important But you know, it's equally important for what I call a more evolved man Is true emotional intimacy true emotional safety So yeah, we can you know, here's the problem with generalized advice And even my advice is somewhat generalized, but I I'm inviting you always to pick it apart There are no absolute each man is different We have a significant percentage of men and women who are deeply wounded out there emotionally speaking And they use each other as therapists instead of really working on their own stuff prior to entering into a relationship When a woman feels heartbreak, it's because she's given her power away to another human being most likely That means there's sign that you know, that's why you have to heal after a breakup and that's why I offer objective acceptance I didn't say this in the broadcast, but when when my relationship ended one in other words um I accepted her reason Because her reason for her to end it if it didn't work for her it didn't work for me either I was objective about it. Sure. I missed a lot of the good things I'm reminded of those good things every day And actually these reminders are like, you know, it's interesting A lot of people, you know, I mentioned earlier. I lost a child a lot of people Are afraid to talk about my child to me I want to talk about connor to everybody. I love talking about connor and I love the reminders because they're all great Memories for me in such a good way. I'm talking about my previous relationship all these reminders because I'm not given my power with the idea of getting it back See when you're in a state of bargaining trying to get it back those reminders can be very painful For some of you, you can't have reminders of past relationships around Now be candid with you. I took away all the photographs. I didn't need that reminder But I'm reminder of of just little things Which are all good Like a candle she might have got me or something else. Anyway, I'm just going off on a tangent there But I think you get my gist. Hey beach lover just gave us a 20 dollar super sticker. Thank you for the love We really appreciate that How did I find uh How did I heal or find peace after my son's loss radical acceptance that is that was what I got to radical acceptance That's just recognizing that His journey. Okay. Here's what I how how I viewed it We all come into this life for a variety of different reasons Some of us are a full length feature film filled with a lot of drama some it's action adventure film Some it's a suspense. Some it's a scary movie Some it's a sci-fi Hunters was just a short film I accept that his time on this earth was meant to be a short period of time radical acceptance is not focused on what Is missing in my life radical acceptance is recognizing that we're all here on a journey and he chose to his journey ended I don't want to say he chose it, but I think on some level we all Choose what happens in our lives to some degree um Even when we step out of the house to get hit by a bus or got hit by a bus we we chose to step out of the house um Radical acceptance that's how I got through it Thank you. I appreciate that um Let's keep going maria's in the house Isn't it going to be hard for you to see marie? How much how did the lunch come about? We haven't seen each other yet. That's that's happening in a few days actually is it gonna be hard I don't know yet. I mean I I have no attachment. See I have no attachment to an outcome I have no attachment to an outcome I'm actually looking forward to seeing her. It'll be nice. She's a good human being We haven't talked very much in between we we maybe share a message here or there We talked about right before christmas just to wish us each other a merry christmas Um, it'll be interesting to catch up to hear how her life is going in florida I'm interested in hearing about that. I'm interested into hearing about how her children are doing I'll share about connor. Oh, I'm gonna share with her my upcoming live events. I'm excited about telling her that I'm excited to tell her that you know life is good for me You know, I'm I'm excited to tell her things Will it be a little bit hard sure but a little bit hard is not a big deal I don't like getting shots at the doctor. Okay It's a little bit hard. Okay, but it lasts a second Because I'm in a good place because folks for the most part for the most part not fully I feel like I love myself It's only hard when we are attached when we want that other person to validate our own love for ourselves The minute we've given our power away to someone else and we want them to validate us You know, that's what's hard. I don't feel that need. Okay, so thank you for that question. I appreciate it jennifer's in the house By the way, jennifer's one of my favorite names. It comes from jennifer heart from heart to heart I just had a crush on stefanie powers and I just love that name because of that Okay, jennifer says I broke up with a guy dated three weeks because he was a poor communicator I've tried getting back with him because I miss him and was Attracted to him. He won't talk to me. Should I give up? See Okay, the the thumbnail in this video says don't chase him What you're attracted to is the fantasy of him Most likely. Okay, you've created a fantasy in your head. Certainly. You're physically attracted to him. I get him What did you say he was a poor communicator? Like like it's fascinating. You want him back. You want this poor communicator back in your life You want this poor communicator back in your life? Do you know miserable you're going to be in relationship? You know, he can write he can ride you for years and when I use the word ride you I mean he can have sex with you for years and ejaculate inside of you and you're going to be miserable And yet you want him. I mean I want you to really look in the mirror on that one jennifer He's a bad poor communicator And yet you still want him but jonathan he can always improve but jonathan, you know this but by the way the reason By the way folks, I love when you Send me messages when I do the but jonathan because your your butt is like it sucks But I really want this really crappy relationship Even though it sucks It's amazing how humans again release forgive my slurping how we argue for our limitations how we argue For our dysfunction that by the way, I'm laughing only because jennifer. I want you to laugh at yourself for a moment If you can laugh at yourself and you can be objective At least based on what you told me why do you want to be in relationship with someone who's a pure communicator? If he doesn't want you, you know, you should move on Uh E.m. Said I remember you recently said you're not interested in dating other coaches because they don't make enough money By the way, none of the men I talked to said they care how much well I I let me just be clear Look at and in midlife two incomes are better than one number one Number two it costs a lot of money to support two lifestyles So I'm what I meant in that joke is I don't want to be with someone who's broke or can't support themselves That's what I meant in that comment and a lot of people who are by the way when I said coaches I'm talking about all those people on tiktok all those people giving advice on Instagram. They're just they're they're pseudo, you know Advice givers. That's what I really meant of that But certainly I don't think Men don't care as much about money when they can support themselves, but midlife men. It's a whole different ball game Folks, I think unless a man is a six figure plus income earner in los angeles. That's almost being broke um It takes two in two incomes is just better than one especially at the cost The cost of living the cost actually worse the cost of dying Do you know the cost of dying Is more expensive than sending your college your your child to a four year high end university the cost of dying is ridiculous So anyway, I did share that publicly and I'm that's my my reflection of that. So thank you for that one Suzanne says what do you think about a god? Wait? What do you think about a guy wanting to go back to being friends after a romantic relationship? We're friends for many years before we dated. He hurt me badly and doesn't acknowledge it. Okay. This is a great question Here's the challenge with being with friends with someone And I guess it depends on what kind of friends we're talking about oftentimes These type of dynamics you have used each other as each other's therapist and while the relationship didn't work out You are dependent upon that therapy the two of you provided for one another That's why people oftentimes stay friends So the real question I have for you is will this man be in your life? If you meet the love of your life, you've got married a year from now Will this man still be in your life? Will he be someone you talk to every day? Okay, probably not So what happens is this this oftentimes becomes a self medication staying connected with a former lover or partner is a form of drugs and alcohol It's self-medicating The different okay, so am I friends with Marie? We are friendly to each other And I will call her my friend. Okay But there's a big difference between Somebody I talk to on a regular I will not share my emotional life with Marie That's reserved for other people in my life. That's actually reserved for my partner See a lot of times people stay friends Because they won't have a need to share their emotional life with someone. I refuse to do that Until we are both in a significant relationship and then I won't have a need to share my personal life with her Now I might share my personal life. It's something coming up with my son Okay But I'm not going to use that I believe the emotional life is oftentimes a again a replacement for therapy So I don't I don't believe that that's healthy But you can be friendly my ex-wife and I are friendly to each other and we get together every once in a while We share children we share an experience of loss of child So we do we are friendly with each other and sometimes we send each other funny reels on instagram or facebook She likes she likes french bulldog. So she's always sending me one She sends it to my son as well and whenever I find one I send it to her because being friendly with an ex is I think of a better way of living life than being Unfriendly with them, but I would be careful being friends with them Because it oftentimes is a replacement for therapy. Thanks for that question. By the way, does anyone shoot Um, does anyone want to join the hot seat? Okay. Does anyone want to join the hot seat with me tonight? Here's the link. I just posted it in the comments if you'd like to join me live, okay Stephanie oh, so I mentioned jennifer and stephanie now stephanie's in the house If we can meaningfully if we can have a meaningful intimate relationship with god Then do you think perhaps it's possible in the long-distance relationship, especially where there's deep spiritual connection? Stephanie I can appreciate that two people can love god and still not be a good partner for one another. Okay and ultimately Um, you know, you could be experiencing a false sense of intimacy. Okay, you wrote it in your comment You know, you could be feeling artificial intimacy So it's great. By the way, it's great that you have something in common with god But ultimately god doesn't god didn't intend cyber relationships. I don't believe I think god intended Men and women to be together Okay, and not to bond, you know through uh, you know cyber You know, that's just my perception of god. Okay Jennifer says thank you for the previous comment. I appreciate that Light blue says thank you jonathan for sharing on your healing and talking about your son acceptance That's what I need to do. Just accept and move you don't move on you move through Okay, I know the title of this video is moving on but we move through when it's mobile when it's the loss of a child We move through it. We don't move on from it. I go to cosco with you anytime. Thank you so much All right, um Gigi said, uh First off deciding how much how important your partner's income is very Personal choice. I don't want to be taken advantage of and and I'm used to very comfortable lifestyle. Yeah, you know money By the way, money is an important critical part of a relationship If you haven't read the book eight dates by doctors jon and julie gotman okay chapter Four right there chapter four the cost of love work and money Money money is an important factor. I know a lot listen Rich men don't care about money. Okay, they don't I mean well, they do care about money They care about coveting their own money hence why prenups and everything by the way. I think that's a good idea Okay, but the average american here in the united states makes less than a hundred thousand dollars a year The average american has less than three months savings in the bank account. Okay, just the average I'm gonna say I believe I I believe studies show that 80 percent of americans live close to paycheck by paycheck So to say money doesn't matter it does matter It's so critically important for the by the way. Do you realize That close to 50 percent of divorces cite money as the reason And for the for the fact is for the over divorced the the over 45 crowd given that Probably 75 percent of singles out in the dating marketplace are divorced Some people have alimony child support things to deal with Financial things to deal with maybe they listen. I I mean I got wiped out in the market crash of 2008 and I just split my assets When I prior to that going through a divorce Money is critically important. Don't think otherwise now to the extent that men don't care how much woman makes It's not I mean, yes, there are men out there that are seeking sugar mamas So those men definitely care those men that seek sugar mamas If you're a man like me, I I want someone who can support themselves Mainly because I'm not going to take on their responsibility. I mean until we're in a fully curated relationship And even and and at that point it may it may be a factor may not necessarily be a factor for each person it's completely different And as brian says Can't buy me love by the Beatles exactly and jahala says Yes, money can cause problems money. It by the way, it is naive to think otherwise But jonathan men are supposed to plan and pay for dates and men are supposed to pay for everything because that's what they're supposed to do They're supposed to be the provider and protectors By the way, there is a lot of you living here that gotta recognize you got to take care of yourself for the rest of your life You know, we do not live in that base survival Component that cave people lived at I'm just here to and by the way By the way, just like jahala says it's important that a man take care of himself After the market crash it took me almost a decade to rebuild my life Took me almost a decade to be in the position. I'm in right now and I'm very grateful I'm very blessed and thank you all for the love and kindness both in your support But also the general, you know Honoring me by being your coach By the way, there's a link below to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with the coach is right for you My area of expertise is teaching you discernment And I'm blessed that I'm in a preset profession where I get to showcase that So thank you Um, all right, if you have a question write the word question post the question thereafter or purchase a super sticker Super chat or if anyone wants to be brave and join the hot seat. I just posted a link right there Ian says A e n a e n What to do if he left us? See wait, what to do if he left us on scene for weeks like I found a video of his with his wife He said he divorced cooking With kids on his father's public facebook I am sorry. I don't understand what you're saying. I apologize I I know you're probably from another country and cannot articulate properly, but I'm not really sure what you're saying here Okay um Gigi says my last guy's behavior was despicable when I said enough I blocked him I am covered that he has a clinical issue and constantly negging me to tear me down That's negging is negative reinforcement. I don't want to know anything. I don't want him to know anything about me Yes, some cases we have to block a person from our lives We have to block a person from our lives You know There are a lot of emotionally disturbed human beings out there I mean, there are some emotionally disturbed human beings some people that have clinical issues there's no doubt about it and so Given that that we have connections through our devices Either through social media or just direct devices. Sometimes we have to block people That's a reality Um, I blocked haters. Oh my god. I get some people that hate my content and you know, I don't mind someone criticizing or or Disagreeing with my point of view But when you attack a person You attack their character you attack their integrity. That's where you know, they're that's the haters, you know Poor taylor swift. I feel sorry for her. She's got when I say I feel sorry for her I'm sad for her because I get the sense. She does a lot of good and yet. There's a lot of haters out there You know when you put yourself out there publicly you are Um, you are exposed you know And we live in a really it's it's a sad world that we have to there. It's a sad world when people Have a need to tear down other people and particularly in relationship, you know Sometimes people get over a relationship by literally making it so much about what was wrong with them But the sad part about doing that when you make it so much about what was wrong about them What was wrong about them? What was wrong about them? You know, there's a mirror coming back and saying what's wrong with me. What's wrong with me? What's wrong with me? And worse that residue is like tar It affects every relationship there after in your life So I just want everyone to recognize that uh Um that can happen again. If you'd like to join the hot seat, please click that link. I'd like some love We need some questions Okay Ann comes back and says what should I do if he's been ignoring my direct messages for weeks But I found a video of him and his wife whom he claimed to have divorced cooking with their child on public facebook. Well, then he's a cheater And be grateful that he's ignoring you. You must move on That's what you need to do if somebody is still okay I mean, I guess the question is do you want if he is married and has children And what are you going to do about it? What are you going to do about it? for yourself Because if you want him back that means he has your If you want a person back who's married and has children. What does that say about you? I want you to really examine that question. What does it say about me that I I want this person back? Let me ask the question differently. What if he was married to you and there was a woman that wanted him What would you think of that woman? What would you think about that woman that wants your husband? Now you can judge your husband and his behavior and his actions I I get that piece and that's very understandable and acceptable But what would you think of that woman because that's what you're talking about for yourself It's it by the way, this is an inner journey. I invite you to explore it All right. Thank you so much. Suzanne has a question How to get through breakup of a guy wouldn't tell you why he broke up with you and why and won't talk to you Okay, I like this Does the does the why matter like why does the why matter? What if he just didn't like the way you wore your earrings, okay? I'm just picking something so obscure like bizarrely obscure. Okay. He didn't like earrings. What if that was the reason? Like does the why really matter? I know we can go you see the problem is our ego finds ways to To see the ego and the heart This is the way I observe it the the unhealthy ego has to rationalize Ways to attack ourselves emotionally Our self-love our heart is supposed to is supposed to lean into any experience and say how can I love myself more You know I suspect when marie ended the relationship the reason she gave me was the reason she gave me I suspect there was a deeper why I didn't really need a lot of time to figure I mean I could actually now this is personal to me That's why I can't share it publicly um But I don't need to know the deeper why all I need to know is she ended the relationship and if it didn't work for her It doesn't work for us the why doesn't matter now I know jahala says here the why does matter as it can have you second guessing yourself Well, what if the why was he didn't like the way you wore your earrings? Are you going to start second guessing your entire life? See this is the whole point of self-love You don't ever need to second guess yourself When you fully embody your sovereignty your self-worth your self-esteem The why doesn't matter And god forbid they give you some sort of lie they tell you some you know, it's not you it's me kind of thing You're still gonna the why cause see the minute you get fixated on the why and you go through story and story and story and story and story Story in your head you've got these conversations in your head You are detracting from your own self-worth The why is irrelevant Now the question could be are there ways you can improve yourself? Well, that's something you do on your own. That's called self-examination. That's that's why the the why doesn't matter what you can do is look in the mirror And ask yourself why was I attached to this person? Why am I losing my mind over this person? That's the why you should be really exploring and then invite yourself How did I how can I heal from this? That's the more important piece of the puzzle ain't uh And a n says why would he lie about his divorce because he wanted sex from you again? The why doesn't why did he lie? Why do people lie? Because we've got a lot of messed up people out there we do Why would he lie? He wanted some benefit you had in his life And I know it sucks. I particularly when you feel betrayed That feels like such a betrayal and I understand that piece and I'm sending you a big gigantic Jonathan Berraha someone uh, jane spitfire says Uh beach lover so true move on dodge a bullet if he doesn't want to stay exactly I'm not listen. I recognize that we see it's funny because A lot of people I started this broadcast by saying you always want to know why did he end it? Why did he end it? Why did he end it? Why did he pull away? What if he just said I I'm not attracted to you. I don't like you anymore I don't I think you're a piece of crap Okay, what if he said I think you're a piece of crap And I don't ever want to see you again. What if it's that harsh Are you going to take that personally and say are you going to really look at yourself and go? God I'm a piece of crap because god for and by the way for some of you god forbid you do that That is that is the worst thing you can do to yourself is believe someone else's projection about you There why it doesn't matter okay melissa wants to tell ian um Sometimes people are good at co-parenting and can do activities for the kid. Otherwise. They may be trying to reconcile Yeah, that's a good point too Taty says it's it is it even safe dating anymore watched Dateline last night where a lady got killed by one of her ex-boyfriends Okay, you're talking about the one tenth of one percent things that happen You can live your life in fear look it I could go out next week go out with a woman she could pull out and she could be um Glenn close in a fatal attraction that could happen But I don't live I could go I could get in the car and get in a car accident tomorrow and die You know I can get on an airplane it could crash You know yes, you could go out on a date This is why you know now being prudent is very you know I think being prudent in your life doing a little bit of background work about on a person everything That's very healthy to do that. But don't live your life in fear and gosh you die Listen, I have a belief of brown I believe um on on A belief about life is that we get to we come back and do this over and over and over again Okay, we live a life of groundhog day We just take the lessons of what we learned in this incarnation and we do it again So you have to kind of accept, you know the fear of death Cause the fear of death is why most people avoid A lot of really good things in their life And they also helps protect them from the bad things too. I guess I can own that as well Jen says heart prayer heart. Thank you All right, uh roller girl says Thank you, uh, take care of your soul for your uh, your being your health your life. I agree Um, jane spitfire says Jonathan thank you for telling us the truth humans are complex in so many different ways. Ain't that the truth If you have a question write the word question then post post the question thereafter You cannot control all situations. Be safe. Be careful. Listen I learned the hard way. We have no control When connor passed away And no control I mean could I have Curated circumstances that might have caused that not to happen. Yeah, but I don't beat myself up for it either You know what that's why really appreciating every second every moment with the people you love is probably the most important thing In life is appreciating every second with the people we love including ourselves Tricia tasha says Jonathan is right. It doesn't really matter why why does not really help sometimes when someone breaks up With you all you can do is accept it. You have to accept the person's choice to leave That's my belief system. You don't by the way, you can disagree with me folks. You can say i'm wrong I'm fine with you saying that I think when we when we spend too much on the why We're we're and I know we see because we are such Rational human beings than the ego that the unhealthy ego really fucks with us It really does fall. I I think there's a healthy ego and I think there's an unhealthy ego I said in this broadcast objective acceptance You have to look at like I looked at the entire relationship from beginning to end My dynamic with maria. I I really examined it And and because I wanted to I asked myself What positive things did I learn about myself in this experience? What was what how did I heal? What was good one of my most grateful for those are the only four questions? I believe at should be asked and answered to move on from heartbreak Belinda says we're all looking for closure when the closure is obvious move on But we can determine the closure. We have that power. We can close a door We have that power to do that. We don't need the other person But by the way once they closed their side of the okay, so you ever been in a hotel where there's double doors This is a perfect analogy They close the door so you can't get into the adjacent room You can close your door too Because if you're always looking at their door, you're hoping that they open it You're disconnected from your own life. By the way, that's a heavy-duty pit stain. Whoo I'm funky. All right, this is tagged up. I can't even pronounce miss moon or mr. Moon I text him. Good morning after traveling overseas and just getting back. He replied. He doesn't want to see me We are having issues. I just don't I do I just go no contact already distant for two months He he already said he doesn't want, you know I mean was his behavior rather depending on how long the two of you two together Could it be kind of crappy? Absolutely. But yeah, you don't need to do anything Work on healing yourself What positive things did you learn about yourself? How have you healed? What was good? What are you most grateful for? Taty says after having been married for 16 years, how do you know you're you are good to date? I think If you are still charged by it, okay, if you still have a charge over this other person if you haven't uh examined Uh, if you haven't, you know, if you still have a charge by them if you're bitter if you're jaded Though those things I would say don't date as you move to healing when you get to a tipping point Where you don't feel charged by them charged as in like electrical charge um If the charge is just very prickly just a little bit of a prick That's a good time to start dating If it's like Like this then no don't be dating if it's ah Don't be dating if it's uh If it's uh That's when you date and only you can decide that for yourself Jane Spitfire says Jonathan losing a child is so nerve-wrecking, but appreciate in keeping the memories indeed Kath says live very true live your best life my brother stated I will see you at easter cat three days later. He was killed in an accident Craig taught me Taught me well 40 years ago Yeah, I'm sorry about the loss of your brother Aurora says 100% agree the why ultimately doesn't matter it could even make it worse. You can only control what you can control exactly Tati says can a man have higher chakra? Absolutely, there are lots of men with higher chakras. Absolutely. It's great. By the way God universe spirit, I invite everyone here watching this broadcast right now To recite this prayer with me God universe spirit, I invite in a juicy delicious healthy happy relationship Where we have amazing chemistry with one another and the communication between the two of us is effortless and easy particularly when we have friction When we disagree on things and we have compatible lifestyles with one another and we share the same values And we build the deep roots of trust that support a relationship god universe spirit It is raining good men. It is raining good women It is raining good people that have the kind of character to dive into the kind of relationship I and everyone seeks and god universe spirit. I invite that in for everyone right now Beach lover says oh wow jonathan adjoining rooms analogy is incredible keep that one I know I got to write that down adjoining rooms Break up. Let me write that down adjoining I just made that up on the fly rooms Doors closed Oh, thank you for reminding me. I know I was like god Do you ever sometimes just kind of marvel at your own and listen? I know this sounds arrogant But there are times when I feel like I'm channeling from source and I feel like that one was channeled in for me So I'm like I'm gonna own it by the way every once in a while. We got to give ourselves a pat on the back Anyway All right. Hey, did you find value in this broadcast? If you did I'd like to hear your thoughts post a comment below I'd like to hear what you have to say about this if you did find value in this video Please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel Hit that notification bell so you can be notified of new videos as well And always if you want to connect with me as a coach check out the link below If you want to follow me on uh facebook and join my group There's a link below to midlife love mastery. You can follow me on instagram You can check out all the books. I recommend you can get my dating vows They're all in the links below and in the first comment as well. All right. I'm gonna wrap up this video As I always do and again those pit stains. I'm so embarrassed give myself a big gigantic jotham bear hug I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear pillow Give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love And let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives I want to thank jane and melissa and aurora and ann and belinda And jill and joanna and cath and roller girl and beach lover. Thank you for that. By the way Folks, we still have time to get 30 more dollars. Send some love to connor today. I'd really appreciate it I'd like to thank rachel tatsy and ann and uh pa pa pa pa pa pa Let's see That's miss moon and we said belinda already tasha maria Thank you all for the love We really appreciate all your loving some I truly appreciate all the Hey, look at this troll spoken like a real simp. Thank you so much for your comment This is a simp means a wimp basically a person that caters to Um females I get it. Thank you so much for saying that by the way, that's my way of saying f you buddy Aurora says god bless you. Thank you so much. All right everyone be well. Have a fab day and go enjoy the super bowl tomorrow