 Good afternoon. Welcome to coronavirus and our mental health. And I'm Ken Burtness. I'm coming to you from Haleiva out on the North Shore. And it's great to be here. We're a week into December and on our way into the holidays and looking forward to that. And we've got a great show for you today. We're gonna talk about the joy of weddings. Talk about a joyful day coming up. Great stuff. First, though, we got to go to our coronavirus update and check on that. And there is some disturbing news there. Two weeks ago, I told you that the US statistics were slightly up. And that was we've taped that show the day before Thanksgiving. Sort of there are entryway to all these holidays. And that was made me feel uncomfortable. Now two weeks later, we are significantly up a national statistics across the board. If you take a look at the five indices that we really pay attention to, let's take a look at them real quickly. The first off, the new cases. New cases in the country were up 28%. Now, if we look at the positive rate for those cases, that was up 40% from two weeks ago. Taking look at hospitalizations, that was up 29% and ICU cases were up 21%. The only statistic that was down was deaths. And that was down 10%. That's good news. But it was expected news. Because what's happening is those positives in those new cases are coming from the coronavirus Omicron variants, beta five and beta four. They are the most infectious ones. And they're the ones that are causing the great majority of all these statistics to rise. Now, the good news about those variants is that they're less lethal. But there's certainly more infectious than the other variants that we've had experience with. So we can look forward to those numbers increasing unless we do something about it. And so far, we haven't been doing anything about it. At least it seems that way, both at the national level and Hawaii. Now, Hawaii, as the last two months that I've been reporting on coronavirus updates, we've been doing better, much better than the mainland. In fact, we're better, significantly better than them on four of the five indices. The only one that we're not better on is the positive rates. That's up 42% from two weeks ago. And that's a lot. That means a lot of people are getting sick with COVID. And those statistics are undervaluated. Because a lot of those positives come from home testing, which nobody knows about and never gets into the statistics. They are reported to the hospital or to other people. So that 42% is a very, very minimum. It's probably a lot more than that. So those are the things that really concern us. Plus, the fact is we don't seem to be doing, like I say, anything about it. We've been for a while. We haven't been masking very much. And now that the numbers are increasing, we haven't started masking more. We're still not masking. We're still not maintaining social distancing. And we're not getting our booster shots. And that's the thing that really concerns me. Because although we're doing very well on getting our vaccinations, 81% of the people here in Hawaii have been vaccinated, but only 47% have got their boosters. That means less than half the people in Hawaii have a booster. And the boosters that they will be getting now are the boosters that really count. They're the boosters that tackle those Omicron variants, as opposed to the previous boosters. Those are the kind of boosters you need. And we need to get more people to do that. Otherwise, we're going to have a lot of sick people during the holidays. Now, yeah, we look at the deaths and we say, gee, we're doing so much better on the deaths. And that's great. We've already lost over 1000 people here in Hawaii, over a million people in the country to coronavirus. And we certainly don't want to lose any more. But if people are sick during the holidays, it's going to put a very damper on those holidays. You're not going to be feeling well. You're not going to be able to go to those family gatherings, those friend gatherings. And it's going to be much less of a holiday. So please, everybody that's listening in, think about getting your boosters and get them as soon as possible. Okay, let's go to the joyful part. And that brings us back to Tony Baron. Tony has been on the show twice before. This is her third time on. And the first two times she was talking about people who were in difficult situations. The first time I talked to Tony on the show, we talked about inmates in the Hawaii prison system and the difficulties that they faced during the coronavirus. And then we talked about tobacco cessation on her second show, helping people to get rid of that demon tobacco, which is a stoned out killer, that's for sure. More people die of tobacco related illness than all the other drugs combined, plus a whole bunch of other factors. So those two were very important things that it was Tony was doing to help people. But today, as a minister, she gets to talk about giving weddings. And that is, I can't think of a more joyful situation. Thinking back to my own first wedding, it was just one of the most glorious days I ever had. And Tony's going to talk to us about a joyful time and what we can do to make it even more joyful. Tony, welcome to the program. Hello, my dear, happy holidays. And I'm glad you had a good time, your first wedding. So those were kind of practice weddings, yeah. Truly, yeah, I've had three partners. And the nice thing about those is three wonderful women that I've had the chance to share life with. We're still all very close friends. And in all the time we've had together, it's just been wonderful. And I value them so highly. But let's talk about the seasons. The subtitle for this show was Love for All Seasons, meaning that we can get married any time around the clock, especially here in Hawaii with our great weather here. And it's always such a joyful experience. At least I hope it is. And so maybe we can start there. What's the best time? Is there a season to get married? Is there a best time to get married? What's your take on that, Tony? There is a best time. And I don't know about the season unless the rainy season, which is when the mainland folks are having snow, we have the rain. And to go there aren't too many places in Hawaii that have free shelter for your wedding, if you want a beach wedding and beach weddings are the most popular. I also recommend if you want to, well, if you want, I don't know, big or small, excuse me. Keep it simple. The more my experience is, the more details, the more people, the more fancy, the more elaborate, the more extras that you have for your wedding is going to be pressure, Bill, for sure. And when you're selecting a time, choose a weekday, Monday through Thursday. Then you'll have a better chance of people that you want. There will be available to you and stay away from holidays. Do not get married on the holidays. It's there's just too much going on. People have plans. They have families they want to be with. So the smaller, the less elaborate, the more comfortable, the more joyful is my take. That's terrific. Yeah, I certainly agree with that. That's certainly the way my weddings have been. And it's it's easy up here in Hawaii because we've got such wonderful outdoors. And that's what I like is being outdoors for the wedding. That's God's church, you know. Yes, absolutely. God's church. I totally agree, Tony. Now, a lot of people, though, when they're planning their wedding, they get stressed out. There seems to be so much, so many details that they seem seem to need to attend to. And they get sort of overwhelmed. How do you counsel people to to keep it simple? Because I totally agree with that. But how do you keep them from getting stressed out? Shop around. You can find weddings from $95 to the skies, the limit. You can pay as much. I had one of my first rides. She said, well, this was her sister that was at the wedding. She said, when I collect $10,000 for the flowers and the alcohol, then I'll plan my wedding. And I thought, gee, that's kind of an odd starting point, but OK. And that's what happened. She saved the $10,000 and then spent it on the accoutrements. Is that how you say that, accoutrements? Accoutrements, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So, but, you know, I know many brides spend their time growing up to have that Cinderella day. So all that fuss and musts and stress is part of the fun for them. And good for you. You know, I, I, I my recommend, oh, you know what? I have a lot of military families that they want to live together, but they want to be married before they do that. So they have a minister, maybe a photographer or friends that will take pictures and then they're married and then they go back to the mainland and they have the church and the white gown and spend all that money and it's perfectly fine because they're already married, they're relaxed and they can enjoy it with their friends and family. The problem with, you know, and I totally agree with you, but if you spend a lot of money on the wedding, then when you're starting out, you're starting out and you have to, well, there are a lot of things to get and a lot of things to do and some of them cost money. And if you spend all that money on the wedding, it leaves very little money for starting out with some of the things that you need to buy, things that you need to put down for renting a house, you know, or buying furniture or things like that. And the nice thing about simple weddings, that you're doing it with a minimum of cost is that you'll still have that money when you're starting out when you really need it instead of going into a debt. When people go into debt, it's really hard. I mean, we're already young people are already in debt for this, for their education, which I never had to worry about because when I was going to school, it was basically free. And now they've got this tremendous school debt to worry about. So, yeah, if we can just keep the costs down and the same. You know, if you talk about Cinderella, if you remember the ball that Cinderella was at, she was not stressed out at all. She just went to the ball and it was this wonderful experience. And she had a great time and she met the prince that she loved. And and she had no previous preparation for that. She got the help from a very godmother. But outside of that, she didn't have to do any of that. So Cinderella can be less expensive. You know, you and I tend to focus on the expense, but it's true for many brides that that's not a problem for them. And sometimes the parents are the ones that want the big gala event. So fine, there's nothing wrong with that. If you have the meet ways and means to pull it off without losing sleep for weeks before. So, you know, for all you brides out there that have resources, good for you, have a party. And that's the other thing, too. The ceremony itself is absolutely leading. It just goes by in the blink of an eye. So my recommendation is, even if you want to spend all that money that you have your simple ceremony with a few close friends and then have a big party after when you're married and you're relaxed and you're not watching the clock and, you know, just keep it simple, sweetie. I certainly like that idea. That's for sure. OK, let's what I really want to hear. You've been doing weddings for a long time and I'm always interested in joyful weddings. It's like I said, I was lucky enough to have a real joyful wedding. And some of the weddings I've been to have not been pretty stressful for the bride and groom. So I was wondering if you could share some of the things that the bride and groom, the weddings that you attended to and presided over. They were not stressed, but they were just joyful. If you could share some of those, that would be terrific. Well, what's coming to me, I guess it's joyful because they were tears of joy. But I remember this one couple where he was in his full military uniform, you know, relatively young man, full military uniform and standing up there. And when we came to speak, he laid his head on his bride's shoulder and just sobbed. Wow, that's great. Yeah. And the other thing that is fun for me with all the hundreds or thousands of weddings I've done, I really like renewal ceremonies. You know, that just is so romantic. And many times the husbands will plan it and say, well, do you want me to jump out from behind a tree because you haven't told anybody what you're doing or what? OK, you know, we'll we'll just pretend like you're a bystander. We're going to ask you to take some pictures of our little get together here. Boy. So let's see. Sorry, I lost. Oh, let me let me ask you something about the renewal real quick. Let me let me insert the fact that, you know, I think a lot of people should renew their weddings more often. You know, there's such joyous experiences like you're saying. And, you know, marriage is especially if we're looking at marriage that's been together a long time. It's it's not they lived happily ever after that never really happens. There's always difficult times and hard times. As well as wonderful and joyful times. And when you're in a renewal, you get to you have a chance to get the people focused and they are focused on all the good times. Yes, we need that. We need to stay focused on those because too often we think of we remember the bad times and we forget about the good times and renewal is a wonderful way to bring those back and express gratitude. How do we get more people to do that? It's just such a wonderful idea. It is. It is. So two different ceremonies, two different couples and for the renewal ceremony. And when I was still relatively new and officiating and the men I'm used to brides crying, that's, you know, it's a release of the stress that leading up to that day. But when the men cried, so after it was all said and done, I said, asked them individually, why did you cry? You know, and both of them independently gave the same answer. They said, because she's put up with me for so long. Well, yeah. Now, did you ask the wife the same question? And what did she answer that? That I'd be interested in that, too. They said the same thing and he put up with me. Well, thank goodness, thank goodness that people put up with us. Yeah. One of the things that I was concerned about earlier, it's wonderful when parents can step in and be of assistance. That's terrific when they can do that. The caveat I always had about that in the few weddings that I've seen very few weddings compared to you, of course, is that sometimes the parents provide the support, but they also want to direct and want that wedding to be like they imagine it should be, because maybe they didn't have the wedding that they wanted and they're going to pass it on to their kids and they're going to say, well, we didn't do it right, but you're going to do it right. And this is what you need to do. And I'm thinking, no, no, what the glorious, most glorious thing about my wedding was that we did it all ourselves. And we, you know, and the parents came out because we were older and parents came out and they didn't have a say in it, but friends never. We just did everything exactly how we wanted it. And that was part of the real glorious part. So yeah, parents can support and then step back and let your kids do it. But sometimes, you know, that's that's something that worries me. Did you run into that? They'll always be mommy's little girl and daddy's little boy. And they're always too young for the parents to, to, you know, stand up. They're probably not good enough for their daughter or their son either. So yeah, all kinds of emotional booby traps. Yeah. No, the parents have been pretty good. I must say that just everybody happy tears, lots of happy tears. So it's just absolutely joyful work. Many times, you know, I've thought to myself, gee, I get paid for this, you know. Yeah. Yeah. When you when you get to a wedding and I know you've been to many different kinds of weddings and many different kinds of places. What sort of cues you off and says tells you, wow, this is going to be a great wedding. You know, what's the thing that immediately catches your mind when you get there and everything is setting up and everything. And you're getting ready to, you know, to do the wedding. Anything that tips you off? The simple ones, the ones where everybody's there early versus, oh, no, my bride's maid forgot the flowers and the best man forgot the rings and all kinds of things can happen. But just sweet, simple, love filled, gentle, romantic and a lot of times there's babies involved. So it's just what you said, a joyous occasion, a joyous occasion. And I'm always glad to be part of it. You know, it's one of the most important days in their whole life, you know, having their first child, getting married, that kind of thing. You can't buy it. It's it's just one of the pleasures in life. Because you've done so many weddings, Tony, can you tell us a little bit about what you've seen as far as changes go? How have the weddings changed since when you first started doing them to a typical wedding that you're doing now? Makes me makes me shake my head. We're in a park in Waikiki and the ride shows up and she's got a seat like a negligee see through long flowing cover up, but it's not covered up because you can see through it and a G string. So, you know, I'm old. I have to admit, I was aghast. And then on the other side of that are her friends that show up. When I say her friends, many weddings, the guests will come and cut off, leave by shorts. See, it didn't used to be that way. It didn't used to be that way. It used to be you dress up to get on an airplane. You dress up to go to church. You dress up to go to a wedding. You know, but now I'm a dinosaur. So I just say, hey, I'm glad you're here. You look great. What about your preparations? You know, I know that in the weddings that I've been to, you know, there's a lot of traditional, depending upon the religious preference to the bride and groom, you know, there's certain things that you say and things that you do presiding over a wedding. But more and more, I see people doing their own vows. Doing different things other than straight from the scripture over whatever ever religion they're from. Are you seeing things like that? And how's how's that changing as far as do they ask you to do different things? Do they say, Tony, we need you to do this as compared to what usually people ask. Sure. Sure. Sometimes they'll want to sing. Sometimes I'll say, would you like to sing to your bride? And then, of course, everybody falls down laughing because nobody wants to do that. But one conversation I had with a guest. Now, from the time I get that first phone call, get myself ready, get to the ceremony, get home, it's about three hours of my time. And one of the guests said to me, gee, you know, you make all that money for 20 minutes worth of work. That's about the length of the ceremony. I said, 20 minutes. Well, I wasn't sitting around the house looking this way for one thing. So between that and the driving and the time and the waiting and getting it done, it's. Do they ever ask you to say different words? Yeah, sure. And I and what I tell them is if they want because they'll go on the internet and they'll see other weddings and they'll copy those. And I said, you know, that doesn't feel quite ethical to me. Somebody created that ceremony and it really belongs to them. So what I do is I have a standard wedding and which I really enjoy because I can say it with sincerity. It's not like I'm reading it. I've said it so many times. I can be in the moment with the couple. And after I say, OK, repeat after me and I give it to them in a way that they don't have to memorize anything. Just give them short excerpts of it to repeat. And then I'm sorry, there's something wrong with my brain. And then oh, then I tell them, OK, now you tell her in your own words that you love her. And then I do the same with everybody, you know, and sometimes they're prepared and sometimes they're not. And you can get some funny moments then. And some heartwarming moments, I'm sure. Absolutely. Can you remember any of those right off hand? Don't you see? I love you. And I say, oh, I see you've got a man of a few words, huh? Yeah, that's it. That's it. No, I can't. You know, there's no such thing as a bad wedding unless the bride is so stressed that she can't function then then that's humbug. Yeah, we're running sort of short of time and it's been great, Tony. You got any final words, things that you'd like to leave with people thinking about getting married or thinking especially about renewing their vows? Well, I remember this one man that was planning a secret renewal ceremony. And I said, well, when are you when are you going to tell her that you've arranged this? And he said, oh, I'm going to tell her right away so I can get my rewards now and then I can get them again after the ceremony. I would like to hear how she responded to that. That's that's an interesting way of going at it. Tony, it's been wonderful. It's been wonderful seeing you again. And it's especially wonderful to talk about something so joyous is weddings where people just they're making their memories, which will last them a lifetime. I try to tell them that my weddings, I would like to see them laugh because they're having a good time and I'd like to see them cry because they're having a good time. Both of those, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, yeah. You know, when you're crying, you know, there's a big difference people. If you look closely, you can tell the difference between crying because you're sad and crying because you're joyful. And I know you see a lot of those joyful tears and that's wonderful stuff. Yeah, great to be part of it. Thank you, Kim. And thank you, everybody who's watching. We really appreciate you being here. Thanks to the Think Tech Hawaii staff, Jay and Haley and Michael and Eric and everybody that's helped us out. And to all you again at home, please have a great, great holiday season. Enjoy being together with your family and friends and be safe. Get those boosters, okay? Aloha. Thank you so much for watching Think Tech Hawaii. If you like what we do, please like us and click the subscribe button on YouTube and the follow button on Vimeo. You can also follow us on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn and donate to us at thinktechawaii.com. Mahalo.