 The most disturbing thing about narcissists. There are a lot of shocking things that narcissists do but this has to be the most disturbing thing and it is something that is likely to leave you feeling unsettled and render you unstable. When the narcissist first targets you they tune into who you are. They have nothing in common with you. They don't share any interest experiences or other characteristics with you. Instead they reflect back to you your own virtues and ideals which makes it seem like you're perfect for each other as though you're supposed to be together because you may have experienced a lot of invalidation and childhood. So when the narcissist shows up and acts like they're the same as you, you fall for it even while you have nothing in common with them and they have a hidden agenda to exploit and steal your qualities and virtues. It's effective because they're very good at pretending. They're good at playing games and deceiving people. They know how to behave in a particular way to make you believe something that is not true because that's what they've been doing their entire lives. It's what they had to do to get by. They had to make people believe that there's something even when they're not and they do it to get you to attach to them so that they can steal your qualities and virtues which is why when they provoke you to react it's like they take a piece of you. It relieves their tension and anxiety and then they inhabit your calm and composed a meaner when they never had that an emotional state before. They were very erratic, they were unpredictable. So it may seem as though they suddenly changed when in fact they distilled your identity. They stole a part of you and they left you feeling less like yourself as though a part of you was missing because it was. They had literally robbed you of your qualities and virtues of what made you who you are which is why by the end of it were left feeling inadequate. While the narcissist runs off with another person feeling confident and optimistic because they're still pretended to be you and they take that state of mind and demeanour with them wherever they go which is why you will feel like the narcissist suddenly changed and they were never the person that they portrayed themselves to be. There was never an equal exchange because you were just doing and giving everything to them while they were just mirroring you and then they rode off to the sunset to share these qualities and virtues with someone else to manipulate them into being their source of supply while simultaneously using a situation to hurt you because you think that you want to need them when in fact you just want that part of you back you want your qualities and virtues your interests experiences and characteristics but you mistook it as though you wanted to be with them as though they're this person that you're meant to spend the rest of your life with when you just fell for their fake identity because they were just reflecting back to you this idealized version of yourself which is why when you saw their mask come off you felt disappointed you felt like something was missing especially when they began to devalue and discourage you because it's like you can't even have a normal conversation with them you have no difficulty talking to other people but the narcissist just doesn't seem to understand you which leaves you very confused because when they were love bombing you they understood you perfectly well which is how you should know that they are intentionally invalidating you they're doing it deliberately because that's how they tear you down and take pieces of you away from you when they first targeted you you were having good conversations and everything seemed to be going well but then when things were meant to progress past that point it started to get really bad because that is when they started to gas like you and to make you think that you have difficulty communicating and as though everyone else thinks that way of you as well if you're emotionally strong you will be able to validate yourself and remind yourself of your proficiency but even if you do that they will shift the blame onto you they will say that everyone thinks you're crazy they will make you feel like you're the problem they will manipulate your thought and emotion so that they can gain control because they gain control by making you think that something is wrong with you and as though they're doing you a favor by being with you as though you need their help when in fact they had to extend themselves to reach you so they're not doing you a favor which is why you may notice that narcissists often surround themselves with very attractive or successful people while they're nowhere near as attractive or successful because they're playing that person down they're invalidating them they're making them feel less than who they actually are because this is what narcissists do they will find something that hurts you and then they will continuously poke at it to contain you and they will pretend that whatever you're not is what is ideal to them they will make you think you're not good at having conversations and they will chip away at your self-esteem to make you feel less than who you actually are until you lose yourself worth as a result of their actions of behaviors because everything that you were and everything that you believed that you were is taken from you by the narcissist until you start to question who you even are if you were ever a person or if you became a person when you met the narcissist but you did have an identity before you met them and when they targeted you they created this mental snapshot of you in their mind and then they distorted it they took bits and pieces of who you are until they eventually found someone else and then they discarded you when you weren't dealing with a narcissist you need to validate yourself more than usual well more than you normally would because otherwise you're going to lose yourself to the void as it endlessly consumes you you need to remind yourself of who you are you need to recognize the separation between you and them recognize the difference of interests recognize that you are not the same and be aware that they have an agenda that they're using to control you to contain what they're invigous of and what they're trying to strip away and don't think that you could just give them a little bit and then they're going to feel satisfied the more they take from you the more they will end up hating you because it's never enough it just makes them realize that they're dependent on you like a child that is parent so they will hate and resent you and the more they age the more bitter they will become because they can't regulate themselves they use people as external emotional regulators so they have to manipulate people in order to get their needs met they have to take pieces of your identity which is why they will eventually end up despising you but because you can do it on your own you don't need external validation you can validate yourself which is why they often end up mocking you and being condescending as though they're more important and more intelligent than you are they may take you for granted but they will treat you in a way that is apparently kind of helpful but portrays a feeling of superiority and you may notice this when they compliment you or give you recognition for something they're coming at it in a way as though you're there supporting it and you need something from them when in fact it's the other way around and they're just projecting their feelings of emotional dependency on you but they twist it in their minds as you need validation from them when in fact you were fine on your own long before you met them and it's just another reason why they hate you because it's just another thing they can't do they can't regulate themselves so they begin to despise your freedom and independence because that never worked out well for them which is why they crave a measurement they need boundaries to be unclear to where there's no distinction between you and them they're emotionally reactive to you so they need you to be emotionally reactive to them and they need to make it difficult for you to escape they need to hold on to you because they viewed you as an extension of them as an extended part of them which is how they're able to do what they do because if they viewed you as a separate person with your own identity they wouldn't be able to do it an abuser must first objectify their target and view them as their property as something that belongs to them or as an extended quality or characteristic of them which abusers typically do because they have low self-esteem they feel powerless and effective in the world so they have to latch onto you and abuse you so that they can absorb these parts of you because they lack an identity and a sense of self while you're very confident and self assured which is why they have to chip away at your self-esteem and anything that makes you you and even while they're tearing you down they will still blame you once you've become deeply involved with the narcissist it may seem like an inconvenient coincidence or just bad timing but your frequency and flow is conflicting with their rigidness and inflexibility your identity is incompatible with their lack of an identity which is why you're unable to exist together you cannot be fully immersed in a feeling of energized focus or full involvement and enjoyment when you are around them because they lack a sense of self so they have to take that from you which is why you will never feel comfortable around them you will never feel like you can just be yourself because you were never meant to be in the same space at the same time you were never meant to cross paths it was a natural it was contrary to the ordinary course of nature because it wasn't real it was a staged event an orchestration they manipulated you they used you to their advantage so that they could exploit you for their own personal gain so that they could derive benefit from you as their resource as their supply and extract these useful and valuable qualities and virtues that you have which is why anything you try to establish with them inevitably failed and yet they put the blame on to you when they were the ones who targeted you they planted themselves in a unnatural situation while they posed as a person who was real or genuine which makes no logical sense it's a catch 22 a real authentic person could not survive emotionally in an artificial environment an environment that is made or produced by human beings rather than occurring naturally because it wouldn't be in accordance with normal human feelings and behavior which is why if you're an empath and you live in the city you feel completely drained by the end of the day or you spend most of your time alone you naturally move away from networking and more towards an isolated space some of you may even live in rural areas because it's just a different type of energy it's more compatible with empathic people although narcissists could be found in rural areas as well but either way when you're involved with narcissists it's always an artificial environment at times it may look real but it's just made the copies of the natural to give the outward appearance of authenticity when if you spend enough time in that environment you will find yourself giving more and more of your time and energy and you're getting little or nothing back in return because it isn't real it's not self-sustaining the artificial environmental illusion is propped up by the empath's energy so if you're not present in the environment it operates with a very low level of performance and effectiveness because empaths are very rare only one to two percent of the world's populations are empaths while mpd affects up to 15 percent of the population and then there are many more other personality disorders and mental illnesses and dr ramani has said in one of her videos that she believes that narcissism affects over 50 percent of the population so the illusion is being propped up by other narcissistic people or normal people rather than those who are empathic or highly sensitive so even though the illusion is still there it's a very weak low energy performance in comparison to what they had with you which is why they will typically who the you will stalk you because finding that same type of energy again is highly unlikely while narcissism is widespread and that is why even when it seems like the narcissist has moved on they always find a way to pop up again even if it's just to triangulate you with their new supply because they can't find any fulfillment in that on the road they have to experience it vicariously through you by trying to make you envious or jealous because they have no identity of their own which means that they can't even experience the highest spectrums of vibrations and emotions like we can because they're constantly cycling through states of pride desire fear guilt and shame so they have no time to experience peace love happiness or joy because they're constantly looking for the next dose of supplying to pull them out of their misery and despair they never even accept the situation or environment of the rain they're always trying to change it or they're trying to put themselves in a situation where they don't belong which instantly makes it unnatural and anyone who remains in these situations for any amount of time will become all organic as well whether vibrating at a very low level which means they're barely even conscious or alive they're barely even aware of or responding to their surroundings so they're only going to be responsive to slight changes signals or influences that are vibrating on a lower scale rather than those of a higher vibration even if it exists they won't even be able to perceive of it while they are in that environment which is how you may have noticed that at times it's like the narcissist can't even perceive of you they don't understand it they have to devalue and degrade you to pull you down to their level so that you're bought on the same page but as soon as they do that you're contaminated and it becomes a natural situation because it's unnatural for our vibrations to make such a dramatic shift downwards it's more natural for our vibrations to go up but narcissists force unnatural events in order to get what they want which means that they're not really even alive because they're not experiencing the world in a natural way and at times they often have nothing outside of the illusion to channel that energy too since then paths are very rare and you may often just want to be left alone which is why they're like loose cannons that unpredictable and uncontrolled because they have nothing else to ground their energy it's only you which is why they have to get you to filter everything through them so that you attach to them and then they can live vicariously through you because they need a vessel all they have is a void there's nothing inside of them that empty meat suits so they have to fill themselves full of you which is why whenever you're around them you will feel like you're losing parts of yourself you just can't be yourself around them you're not built to exist in an unnatural environment it will eventually destroy you unless you pull yourself out of it while the narcissist seems to be fine because they thrive in unnatural environments that's where they gravitate towards because that's what fulfills them but for them to survive they have to abandon their previous character which they were using to manipulate their old source of supply and then they have to build a new character based on your qualities and virtues in order to reflect it back to you to attract you by making you think that you have something in common in order for you to connect and attach to them so that they can extract narcissistic supply from you which means that their base point or natural setting is to have no character at all and when you're around them you will feel like you have their lives sucked out of you because they're constantly feeding off other people's energy they have very little energy of their own they're like zombies they're barely even existing they're just constantly finding new ways to relate to people or to connect or find common grounds when it's not even something that they care about or believe in but they do this because they understand how the mind works they're very good at reading people they had to be to be able to survive emotionally so they understand that there needs to be something where you are in agreeance where you are sharing a view or opinion so they have to deliberately place themselves in a natural situation which is naturally what they gravitate towards in order for them to survive as a narcissist but by doing that with every person they're with they're not even existing and they also can't be alone they're addicted to people but they're living in a fictitious reality they never experience reality directly they experience it through a distorted lens because they get rid of any information that challenges their sense of grandiosity and their false narrative which validates their self-centered and exploitative behaviors they imprison themselves in a world of their own making which is detached from the true reality because the true reality is based on objective informational facts while their reality is based on their feelings which is why they have to gaslight their target into submission and they have to deprive you of your qualities and virtues while assigning those same attributes to themselves because they're living in denial of the true reality they're constantly running away from it because otherwise their disorder cannot function so it's essential to their survival that they avoid reality at all costs when the narcissist steals your identity it makes you blame yourself look at yourself thinking that you need to change to improve something you try to become a better person you try to become more attractive and that may make them treat you a little better sometimes but it will never be real you will end up having to manipulate them or learn to tolerate what they're doing or your only other choice will be to leave them because when you're with a narcissist you're going to be working hard for the rest of your life they need constant praise and admiration and you're never allowed to criticize them you have to make them think that things were their idea or else they wouldn't do it because they're constantly engaged in their compulsive and obsessive reality as a result of their mental disorder they're incapable of having a relationship with themselves or with anyone else they have unrealistic and abnormal expectations of other people they escape goke you they blame you for the wrong doings mistakes or faults of themselves or other people while using you as that emotional or sexual supply without any consideration of your feelings you're completely under their control you're unable to protect yourself from their revelation because they want to distort your identity they genuinely believe that whatever they think see or perceive about the world is the truth and as though you're the one who is distorting reality regardless of the facts or basic logical reason it's just whatever they feel to be true because their disorder is maladaptive they have an inability to adjust to the environment or situation so anything outside of that understanding is weird or wrong they don't like it and they don't want you to like it narcissists have no identity of their own they have no individual characteristics that would otherwise distinguish them from other people which is why no matter what part of the world you're from they all share the same behaviors and way to thinking because they have a fragile and inflexible ego they can wear different masks but who they actually are does not change when they targeted you they took on your identity they stole pieces of you and when they discard you they may go off and use that to attract someone else or they may take on their identity instead whatever they think is more suitable to their environment but underneath that they're just very insecure they doubt everything that they say they doubt everything that they think or feel which is what makes us good targets for them because as empaths we feel everything we react instantly to make other people feel better to validate their perspectives so that they can feel secure in themselves we are constantly validating the narcissist's false reality we are making them feel better and they are taking pieces of us away they're using it to sustain their false identity which is why once we're involved with them we begin to feel insecure about our sense of identity we experience uncertainty and confusion because we're trying to fix ourselves to make ourselves better when we were never like that before we felt grounded in ourselves and in knowing who we are but when you get involved with the narcissist you feel broken as though something is wrong with you when really the narcissist is insatiable they can't be satisfied so you can never be enough for them no matter what or how much you give to them no matter how much you yank your personality inside out in an effort to please them they're never going to be satisfied even if you become exactly what they want you to be or even if you somehow manage to exceed their expectations of you it's never going to be enough thank you for watching if you found this video helpful please give it a thumbs up share your thoughts in the comment section hit the subscribe button to receive the notifications if you would like to support the channel you can donate our payable to emice's narc survivor you can book a one-on-one with me on my website it's narc survivor the code UK thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon