 Well thank you for attending my session. I realized I didn't send a bio or anything so really this is a surprise for everyone. I like these to be kind of a discussion versus me just yacking so I'm gonna like ask questions and stuff so you know try to interact with you all. So let's see let's get this going. So hi everyone I'm Dan, Dan Buck, he they pronouns, I'm the director of educational equity with out front Minnesota. For those of you unfamiliar with out front our mission is to create a state where lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer people are free to be who they are, love who they love and live without fear of violence, harassment, or discrimination. You know basically we just want everybody to live their lives the best they can and do everything that everybody else gets to do and you know do things like go to work, pay student loans, retire. We envision a state where LGBT individuals have equal opportunities are working towards a day when all Minnesotans have the freedom and power confidence to make the best choices for themselves. My goal as director of educational equity is to work myself out of a job. I go into schools and I work with administrators and teachers and staff actually whatever to ensure that LGBTQ kids are treated like humans and it would be nice to not have to do that work anymore because they are. Unfortunately, I've got a lot of job security in that realm. Our agenda, so quick intros, ground rules, terms, definitions, statistics, information, questions, and closing. Like I said there's going to be opportunities here I'm going to ask questions I would really love you you know if you would just dialogue with me a little bit it's less tedious than listening to me talk. So introductions, we're not going to do this part but I do want to say ask you know what is to kind of like base set and you know ground ourselves. What is one thing you have to leave at the door today to be open to this material? You know whether it's assumptions about the LGBTQ community or the fact that it's raining and probably turning into ice halfway across the state whatever. Just let's think about that thing for a second that one thing you have to check at the door to be present. So some ground rules. Confidentiality, anything that I say the words coming out of my mouth the slides and everything obviously this is why I'm here I want you to use these I want you to take this information and share it but if somebody shares a personal story or something about themselves that's theirs to share and if you find it compelling if you think it's something that might somebody else might find useful please get their permission first before you share it because that is their story to share. Impact versus intent we're all trying here we're going to slip up we're going to misgender we might use a wrong name we might say something that we think is you know is you know whatever but somebody else might find a little offensive or a lot offensive we're trying our best here so you know if we mess up we try to fix it and move on. Ask questions as we're going through this holler out a question if I you know if you just want to fit it into the space please take that space. You don't have to worry about using the thumbs up or clap I mean if you want to clap feel free not yourself though but you don't have to do the thumbs up because I can't see them so be comfortable knowing all the questions all your questions are not going to get answered but I will give my email at the end of the presentation so if you have further questions or if you have any comments or concerns or anything please reach out to me that's why I'm here. So why are we here why am I giving this presentation this is a presentation I give to the non-student side of K-12 education all the time and the reason I'm using this is because the theme of building bridges we're trying to build bridges here we're trying to bridge the gap between people who don't understand pronouns or have misunderstandings about trans folks we're trying to like find that ground where we can understand where each person is coming from and who they are and why they are the way they are. The main thing about this presentation is it is really about safety and I'll get into that later but LGBTQ plus youth are at risk and they need and deserve our support. CIS kids CIS straight kids suffer from depression and thoughts of self-harm or acts of self-harm absolutely true gay lesbian bisexual kids like double the rate transgender non-binary kids triple the rate this is about safety for all kids and I want to emphasize every child deserves a safe learning environment and help when battling depression or other things. National studies have shown that 71% of LGBT youth reported discrimination due to either sexual orientation or gender identity. These stats come from GLSEN if you're not familiar with them they have all kinds of incredible stats about I mean they break it down by state by state nationally but all kinds of great information about queer kids. Minnesota has unacceptably high levels harassment that have led to 61% of gender non-performing children seriously considering suicide. That is a huge number 61% just sit with that you know. We're going to do a little activity here so I'm going to ask some questions and then let you think on them for a minute and then I'm going to ask you some more questions. This is a tool we use to get in our trainings to get people's years turning we're not going to take a full five minutes we don't have time so I just want you to look through the questions and think about them a little bit and then we're going to talk about them. So how do you know what gender you are? Can you describe your gender? When did you first become aware of your gender? How have your family and friends responded to your gender expression? What do you really like about your gender and what would you change about your gender or other people's perception of your gender? So some quick questions for you. What question was easiest to answer and why? Just shout out anybody. And I know there are two number ones there I keep meaning to fix this. So what question or question was easiest to answer and why? Anybody want to share? Hi I'm Chelsea. I use their pronouns. My easiest question to answer is what I really like about my gender and even that one's complicated. I think especially you know being a trans person who looks a lot like their assigned gender first. You know it's really interesting and you know my gender is mine and it's based on so many other types of myself and my experiences and yeah it's mine and it's always mine. Thank you. Anybody else? I use their pronouns. I'd also like to say number four because I'm also trans and look like my family from birth but I really like how when I do dress more than I'm still in how confident I become. Yay I'm happy for you. What question was hardest to answer and why? Because I'm like my gender's the way I am. I don't know what to say. Okay anybody else? Okay this is interesting because I don't get a lot because when the settings I do these in I don't get a lot of people who identify as trans or non-binary. So this is this is a really interesting Q&A we're doing here for me. Thank you. What came up for you during this activity? Nothing? Sure something came up for some of you. For me because I'm cisgender I think it was interesting how the first four questions are basically defined by how I've been raised and the perceptions that I've been taught throughout my entire life rather than exploring things for myself. I guess like when I defined them like well when I was a kid I was given like a girl toy and that was who I was so that's just an interesting question. Okay the cis people in the room have you ever been asked these questions before? Okay everybody have you been asked these questions before? I think especially like in college you know I recently got really you know from this thing this last year um yeah when I would disclose and like when people essentially cis people who were like really well-intentioned and you know I disclose that I'm trans I have no idea and I'm like yeah well sometimes you know that's intentional but yeah all the time and you know sometimes you know they ask you know just like want to learn more and like that's super great um and sometimes it's not so great but yeah. Yeah um so when I do this survey um generally what I get are a lot of people who are like no no no um the point of the survey is to kind of put uh cis folks into the shoes of a non-binary person a trans person because nobody asks me what do I like about my gender or nobody asks me can I describe my gender they're like oh you know this is some dude um but they ask trans folks they ask non-binary folks well what didn't you like or what do you like or why do you do this or why do you do that um and also trans non-binary folks ask themselves these questions all the time you know they ask these questions of themselves as they're trying to figure out their path forward as as you know for those of you in the room as you were trying to find your place in life and who you are these are questions you probably are similar questions you probably ask yourself I don't want to assume um but yeah this is this really kind of puts you know cis straight folks in the shoes for briefly of what this kids go through um in their in their daily life but also adults you know um it's not just a 15 year old that is trans or non-binary it's not just that person that's not just college people people in their 50s 60s and 70s come out um in life as trans or non-binary or I myself didn't come out as as a queer person until later in life um living in the closet sucks tell you that so some terminology y'all are going to know some of these terms so bear with me it's a little bit of base setting but you know for the most part I'm sure everybody here knows it a lesbian or a gay person is transgender is a term for people whose gender identity differs from the sexer assigned to birth so if a person's assigned female at birth does that mean they identify as a male or a man not necessarily but what we do know is they don't identify as as a female as a woman and then queer is a term that's often that's used in an umbrella term to describe anyone who's not straight or cisgender or the community as a whole um I identify as a queer person there are plenty of people who are LGBT that identify as queer people um others that don't uh the one takeaway on this is um if you are a cis straight person please do not use queer when referring to people um because it's been used as a slur against us for so long um we can use it but please don't use it when referring to us I'm going to come back to bisexual so bisexual are individuals who are physically or emotionally sexually attracted to multiple sexes or gender um what's a pansexual person so who watches shix creek any shix creek watchers in here no oh this is weird um so a pansexual person is a person who's attracted to people regardless of gender so as a bisexual person we're attracted to multiple um sexes genders um but uh pansexual people's attraction is regardless of gender it just doesn't matter to them they're attracted to the person not necessarily a trait or a characteristic um pansexual's term has been around for over a hundred years but it's really come into a lot more common usage in the last I'd say 10 years or so um because bisexual was felt to be a little transphobic um you're bisexual you're attracted to men and women where does that leave uh trans folks or non-binary folks um you know we're attracted to multiple sexes or genders um so anyways uh pansexual is attraction regardless of and it felt it was felt to be more inclusive so any questions about that and the shix creek reference um for people who know um there's two characters they're talking and there was an assumption that one was gay and he's pansexual and he's describing it in terms of wine he prefers he likes the wine not the label so um if you haven't seen that scene google it shits creek david wine not the label and it is sweet so what is the binary framework the binary framework is what we've been raised in here um and other places too you know we have men shoes women shoes men's room women's room uh men's pants women's pants um this is the binary we've been raised in so we have a sign sex this is what the doctor sees at birth this is a male this is the female identity um is a person's sense of who they are a man or a woman expression is how they show themselves to the world masculine or feminine and attracted to a male is attracted to women a female is attracted to men now this is the binary framework i'm not saying this is i'm agreeing necessarily with the idea that one would present one way or the other i'm just saying this is the binary framework so my question to you is um are there two sexes are there just two sexes anybody yes or no thank you yes next slide there are more than two sexes there are intersex um answer intersex is a term for variety of conditions where some as reproductive sexual anatomy does not fit will be determined to be typical male or female biology some intersex people know that they're intersex from birth the external characteristics are not necessarily like say a penis or a vulva but some people have what we would consider typical anatomy male female penis vulva type anatomy but they don't not for that find out their intersex until later in life like they come to puberty and their body doesn't change in the way we've typically determined to be male or female and after some investigating we may find that a person say has testes where the ovaries would be so not everybody knows their intersex at birth but what does this tell us the main point this tells us the existence of intersex people shows the idea of two clear distinct sexes the sex binary is a myth it is not real so gender though what is it sex and gender are two different things um gender identity is a person's internal sense of themselves as a man woman both or neither oftentimes influenced by their sex assigned at birth um cisgender it's a term for people whose gender matches the sex are assigned at birth they're assigned male at birth and they um they're a boy they're a man it fits it all clicks it all makes sense um transgender folks are a term for people whose identity differs from the sex are assigned at birth the example given is assigned female at birth raises a girl or woman in the binary framework but does not identify as a girl or woman do they identify as a man maybe some of them do but not all of them the main point is they don't they don't identify as female um any questions on those i know this is really nuts and bolts um but you know the schools i go into there's so much um lack of clarity around these issues i have to sit there and i'm kind of like beat beat it over their heads in order to get the results i need um for later on in the presentation so gender identity um sometimes transgender people change names pronouns take hormones enter surgery also the body spent none of these are required to be transgender there's no one way to be a transgender person there's also no one way to be a cisgender person we think about fashion heels in the 1500s were men's apparel now heels are something that women wear um there was a time in this country where men wore pants women wore dresses um and that's not the case um anymore or so much there's no one way to be a cisgender person either these are all constructs there's a lot of identities out there non-binary gender fluid gender queer these are terms used by people who experience their gender identity or expression falling outside of the categories or man or woman now two spirits a term used by some not all indigenous people i want to emphasize that as a native person um not not all tribes recognize two spirits um some tribes my neighboring tribe from where i'm from recognizes men and women that's it my tribe recognizes four plus um two spirit marks return to native traditions that historically recognize more than two genders the big takeaway on two spirit it is a term for native folks only you are not a native person this is not a term for you to be using same ghost or spirit animal please stop uh transgender man transgender woman we went over that a little earlier um so yeah so these are some transgender identities there are so many out there there are there are terms for people like well what's this identity i'm just like wow that one's a new one to me i'm gonna have to break out google um but the nice thing is people are more comfortable finding the one that fits for them now why is this important i mean why why do i do this why do we go into schools and talk about this well one gender affirmation is standard care supported by american medical association american ad api academy of pediatrics american psychological association forcing transgender people to fit within the sex or assigned at birth causes substantial psychological pain and is medically unethical forcing gay kids to be straight bi kids to be straight lesbian kids to be straight queer kids to be straight forcing people to be something they are not is harmful it is medically unethical and it is wrong people are who they are and they need to be treated as such now um these serious health risks um psychological pain um is uh greatly reduced when kids are allowed to socially transition ways that are consistent with their gender identity and they receive support for parents schools and peers this is about safety so much of this presentation is you know terms and definitions but the reality of it is it's all about safety national studies show that 70% of transgender students do not feel safe at school they're harassed they want to simply do things like you know go to the restroom um change clothes in peace that's what they want and they're harassed and they're bullied they're targeted for discrimination transgender teens experience high rates of depression anxiety and self-harm all of which are in due part due to discrimination stigma and social rejection and there are also potential medical issues when you have a child who's told that you can use the one single user restroom on the other side of the school and the teacher's faculty lounge um and you have to ask permission to use it that kid is not going to go to the restroom often enough or as often as they need to they're going to withhold water or they're not going to go to the restroom they're going to be dehydrated they're going to have bladder issues um when they could simply just use the restroom they identify with um and they should be able to and they need to be allowed to and quite honestly in the state of Minnesota the schools are required to allow children allow people to use the restroom that they identify with um Minnesota transgender and gender non-performing student nearly three percent of student population and it doesn't matter where it is uh it could be in st peter it could be in Bemidji it could be in Duluth it could be in the Twin Cities it could be in Ovoli Minnesota it's three percent three percent three percent um so i'm going to update this information i've got an intern coming in to do this but the 2019 MBE student survey showed that 33.7 percent of lgbtu 11th graders had considered attempting suicide in the past year that's huge um and it's unacceptable uh when transgender and gender non-performing students those numbers rise to 39.8 percent um these are unacceptable numbers and we need to do something about it uh in the last well since november uh three of the schools that i work with have lost children to depression um lgbtu kids to depression um which is devastating um they're trying their best and these kids still end up hurting themselves or worse um and that's unacceptable we have to do something about that why does all this matter now obviously you know this is geared towards teachers but it's geared towards everybody mutual care and respect um it's about student safety and as part of an educator's job and as part of your job as a human to be kind and try to be nice for others gender expression so we kind of covered this earlier but just a reminder there's no one way to look at certain gender identity um we can communicate our identities through dress and expression but it's not you know it's just how we communicate and show ourselves to the world um gender expression also um we have to think about how it works if in given cultures how we show ourselves in different cultures here in the united states two heterosexual men don't walk down the street holding their friends hand um their male you know two heterosexual men are not going to hold each other's hands going on the street they're not going to kiss each other goodbye or to greet each other in other parts of the world that's common it's very normal um and honestly i feel like we're in such a prudish touch star society it's nice to be able to get a hug and not you know just i want to hug my friend it's nice it's comforting it feels good for some of us not everybody's a hugger i get that but two two straight people shouldn't be like looked at in some sort of weird way because they hug each other um that's just hurtful toxic masculinity has done a lot of great harm to us um now our gender expression may be communicated through name pronouns clothing behaviors and mannerisms et cetera but there's no one way to be any gender or any expression so pronouns pronoun usage when i started doing these trainings in schools i had a lot of questions you know they them singular they them singular they them plural it's just plural it just is it's always been plural um the reality of it is is they them has been used as a singular for a very long time william shakes spear used as a singular jane austin used it as a singular um whether we are in that camp of no it's it's it's a plural it's a plural it's pearl we've had somebody pass us going down the road at 90 miles an hour and you're like oh they're insane they're gonna cause an accident um because we didn't see who it was we couldn't assign a gender to them but we knew it was one person driving the car um even in high school i remember my buddy going to the bathroom people be like where's tim i'm like oh they went to the can um we do it all the time without really even thinking about it so uh the big question i get now one of the weird you know one of the the thing people get weird about is mixed pronouns like my he phase um and i noticed there are a couple people who used uh some mixed pronouns when we were talking earlier so do you have questions about mixed pronouns or why people use mixed pronouns or how to use them when somebody introduces themselves with a mixed pronoun okay so when somebody gives mixed pronouns um what they're telling you is they're comfortable with more than one pronoun obviously um some people go order of operations oh this person said he phase so he's probably what they're more comfortable with they have something to use for some people that's the case for some people they want to mix a match um you know just mix them up um you know i'm just like he they pronouns i just leave it that some people do like oh my pronouns are he they mix them up if you uh mix them up is great um but uh if they say you know i had a cork or who'd be like you know they'd introduce themselves by name and they're like my pronouns are they she they is preferred she if you must you might get that um i don't necessarily use they because of any gender identity specific things i might have some gender queer tendencies but more the reason i use they is for visibility um when i go into a room and i say he they pronouns what i'm saying is i acknowledge pronouns i use pronouns i want to hear your pronouns and i will accept your pronouns and it normalizes pronoun usage um so how do you find out somebody's pronouns well guess ask yeah how do you find out somebody's chosen name yeah um should you require somebody to give you their pronouns yeah we don't want to require people to use to give pronouns some people just don't want to they don't want to play the pronoun game okay fine okay you have your opinion you have your thoughts about it other people um may not be comfortable maybe they're not ready um i like to tell people like when you are passing when you're when you're um asking students pronouns or asking colleagues pronouns use something like you know hey my pronouns are he they is you know what are yours if you'd like to share or um if you're you know if you if you want to share or something like that make it more of an option because when we talk about so my my big example is robert bobby assign you know robert was the birth name bobby is their chosen name so you have this person who is still using robert still using he-hems now when you say um when you kind of put it in a situation where giving the pronoun is not optional you want that pronoun what this child is now in a situation of either outing themselves before they're ready um my pronouns are they them or keeping themselves in the closet um my pronouns are he him um we don't want to be in a situation where putting a child or anybody um in in that area of where they have to out themselves before they're ready or discuss something that maybe they're not just they're not ready or this is just not the time they want to do it or forcing them stay in a closet so make it optional um don't make it a requirement um yeah any other questions i know this is really kind of nuts and bolts but it's so surprising when i go into schools people who work with our children every day there's a struggle here teachers are getting better and better at this um and part of it is just due to the climate this last you know two and a half years almost three years now they almost have bigger fish to fry they're like okay fine they them i would use they them i would use bobby it just doesn't matter to me the rest of my class forgot how to be a student and i have to work on that but i'm having a lot of pushback from administrators i'm getting a lot of pushback from school boards um i work in a i'm working in a school right now where a school administrator actually went through the school and ripped down rainbow flags um they told teachers they could not have all our welcome signs up um they made them turn their safe space signs to the side so the class can't view them from their desks these are hate crimes just gonna throw that out there but i'm working in this environment and it sucks it's really painful so dead names um does anybody want to give a definition for a dead name yeah go ahead yeah look uh dead name um a name you usually assign to you at first um and you know not necessarily for a little trans person they'll definitely know you know for trans and non-binary folks um it's a name that is they are uncomfortable with using um you know can make them dysphoric um and then you know they have you know their own chosen name um but do they do they make people um can have a yeah a lot of damage yeah um we never use a dead name if we know that bobby is this person's name we don't use robert um if nobody if you're in a room with people um and nobody knows them by their dead name you don't ever disclose a dead name um bobby is who they are um there are situations uh in the previous the previous one uh training i just did um somebody was like i had this person introduce themselves to me and i didn't recognize them and they're like well we know each other and i didn't get it and i didn't get it and i didn't get it and i was like couldn't make the connection because i'm looking at that point i don't know this person because their out representation is is who they are not who they used to present as and so another person was like well that was so and so you don't recognize them because and um is that dead naming yeah but you know they're they're trying to help um and so that was kind of an issue ify question um ify situation um it's better for the person who who gives their chosen name to kind of in their own way in own time um explain it or open themselves if necessary but we have to be comfortable with the fact that sometimes we're uncomfortable this makes me uncomfortable i can't figure this out i don't know this or i feel weird about that or what about we have to be okay with our personal discomfort in these situations because if we dead name a person we are causing harm dead naming somebody repeatedly um outing person um misusing pronouns are forms of harassment and need to be treated as such and this doesn't go just for students and kids in schools this goes for your co-workers this goes for friends this goes for people you meet in your day-to-day lives now why do we do this why does this matter um like i said earlier this is about safety um so texas university this huge study in 2018 i'm trying to find a newer study because i don't like using a study that's four years old i want new information but anyways when chance under youth are allowed to use their chosen name in places like work school home with friends risk of depression and suicide drops excuse me young people who use their name in all four areas experience 71 percent fewer symptoms of severe depression 71 percent is not a small number that is massive this is not like a 2 percent or 3 percent type thing 71 percent 34 percent decrease reported thoughts of suicide in a 65 percent decrease in suicidal attempts when i say this is about safety i actually mean it it's not hyperbole transgender and non-binary youth with access to binder shape wear a gender affirming clothing reported lower rates of attempting suicide than transgender or non-binary youth without using correct names and pronouns saves lives period encourage co-workers encourage friends encourage family to use a person's name and pronouns um the correct ones um so as minnesotans we address a group of people by you guys anybody more than two people is you guys we're in minnesota it's what we do but we need to move away from that you guys even if we lived in a binary framework strict binary men and women are the only two things that exist there are no trans folks or no non-binary folks um you guys exclude half the population we need to be more inclusive in our day-to-day language use non-gender terms everyone students learners people i love using y'all y'all is one of the most welcoming terms in the entire world y'all are welcome to come over y'all y'all can do this thing it's such a welcoming term and i know that it's got this like southern dick thing to it but man y'all is one of the most welcoming and inclusive terms out there um we don't want to do things like separating groups by gender um we want to ask for things like chose names and pronouns but not require it we encourage schools to have gender inclusion policies uh because there are three basic student rights um we have the right to change names pronouns and gender and school records uh there are school records you cannot change a child's name in they have to match the birth name the birth certificate name the legal name these are things that get reported to the state of minnesota things like um birth report cards and things like that you can't you can't change names on those legal documents but in any other space a child should be able to change the name use the name they want to go by um teachers are very comfortable using nicknames like when they do roll call maybe like you know calling out names my name is actually not dan it's roland you know they'd be like roland i'm like i go by dan roland's my dad's name and they're like okay fine dan and they just start using dan um teachers are familiar with using the not birth name the not legal name they are um but all too often ambiguity is the problem um when a person looks ambiguous and a person doesn't look like we expect them or act like we expect them to be um it makes them nervous it makes them feel weird it makes them feel sorts of ways about calling this person bobby or sarah when they look like they should be a robber or a mark um people don't do well with ambiguity um so we need to be more comfortable with ambiguity with that um can anybody describe the difference between a nickname and a dead name so a nickname is just something i like dan i just like going by dan if you call me roland it doesn't trigger any responses but when you call bobby robert it triggers things um that's not who they are um is it who they ever were for some people sure i was robert but now i'm bobby other people it's like no i was never robert i've always been bobby um so we want to make sure that we are using um that name a nickname is just it's just something we like going by um it doesn't cause any real responses we want to keep that in mind they're not the same students also have the right to dress participate fully in activities every kid has the right to participate in the activity of the gender they identify with and then the right to full and equal use of restrooms and locker rooms that master of gender identity a quick way to get sued and lose is to not allow a student to use the locker room or the restroom that they identify with um as far as their gender um gender inclusion policies must include professional development targeted all teachers and staff so the district can consistently meet the needs of genders uh diverse students you know they bring me into schools all across the state to do these trainings because it's the right thing to do and so school teachers you know teachers in general have been just more and more on board with this the problem that i'm having is with school boards and administration who are having fields and school boards are getting really really rough right now um and it's it's going to be something that i'm going to have to deal with more on a day-to-day basis in my work because i'm having school boards say no you can't do this training um no you can't talk to our staff about gender diverse students so this is this is a struggle that we're dealing with at out front and many students and teachers are dealing with lack of queer clear boy lack of clear and well-invented policies expose school districts to lawsuits school districts have been forced to pay millions for discrimination based on gender identity does anybody really mint when when a school is sued and loses you know loses the case and pays out $1.3 million honestly that student didn't really win um sure you know the school is being forced to make changes but it would have been simpler for everybody involved if the school had just done it to begin with it had been easier for that child instead of having to go through what could have been years of harassment it's easier for the school to not have to deal with all the legal battles it's just easier all around the minnesota human rights act prohibits discrimination or harassment in education based on gender expression actual perceived gender identity or actual perceived sexual orientation um and minnesota state of sport school act states that all students have the right to attend school and safe and supportive environment where they can learn and have equal access to equal opportunities minnesota has some really great protections in place either through various acts which i'd prefer to go through is have legislature pass something or through legal action but we have great protections in place they do need improved on but just because uh it doesn't state it in a minnesota department of education guideline or just because there's not an act doesn't mean we can't just do the right thing and we should um i did some trainings in wisconsin wisconsin does not have these protections but the school i was in had these in place because they just felt it was the right thing to do they didn't have the legislator tell them to do it what are risks of not having this policies it's hard on students when a child doesn't know classroom to classroom if their name or pronouns is to be respected it's difficult for them um they may be great in middle school teachers are accepting everybody's kind of on board with it but they've heard that when they moved to high school that there are multiple teachers who aren't on board with it or this or that or the other and that causes anxiety am i going to be treated the same when i move to this other classroom or to this other school so having that policy is just comforting and reduces anxiety and stress um teachers it reduces struggles for teachers when they just know this is how you treat a gender not forming student this is how you ask for a pronoun this is how you treat a dead name this is how you this is how you respond when you have a student repeatedly using a misgendering a person or using a dead name um having these policies in place provide support for them and then kids if they're not educated on other people it can create a hostile environment um things are getting better in some ways there are as more acceptance at least of maybe going to a restroom or using a pronoun there's still a long way to go there is still so much harassment there's still so much discrimination against these kids and adults too you know in the workplace if you are an adult and you come out as a non-binary person or a trans person you have the same they often have the same struggles as these kids it's just a different environment 78 percent of lgbtq youth report having at least one in person lgbtq affirming space that's great that's a pretty big number 78 percent it should be 100 and it should be far more than one space but when we think about it you know as students when we were kids you know there's that one adult that got us there's that one adult that understood us and they you know whether it was a teacher or maybe an uncle or an aunt or or whatever there was that one adult that got us and that was such a nice feeling to know that um it should be more than that though so we're at the question stage oh let's see we're here so this is my email um dan at out front um kq uh is my it works in my department um kq does these trainings for students um they work with the student side of education i work with the non-student side of education so here we are hello um where are we for time we have about five minutes here is there something you didn't hear or something you would have liked or heard or just a question in general that maybe out front can help address or or something like that i'm sorry i didn't hear that to ask them their their pronouns so so yeah they're we we want to make people comfortable so when we just ask you know we introduce ourselves and we try we try to model things like pronouns like hi i'm dan he they pronouns you know what's your name and your pronouns if you'd like or if you know um you know just not making it a requirement is nice because i want to know your name at the very least it's either for me to talk to you it would be nice if i could use the pronouns that you would prefer so um and normalize it don't just be like well that person over there is non-binary or transgender in my eyes and how i see them so i'm going to ask them ask everybody you know and you see robert walking down the street and he's wearing a suit and tie and all you know during his briefcase or whatever roberts do i don't know what roberts do but you see that that that ciz that we see as a ciz man you know make sure you're asking him to like hey what's your name you know and your pronouns if you'd like to share just do it all the time not just with somebody who would assume to be uh trans or non-binary we don't ask somebody are you trans or are you non-binary that's rude that's very rude we don't do that they'll disclose that if they want to um this is the same way we don't ask somebody are you gay um pretty rude we don't do that either um they'll let you know if they want you to know um but just asking in a gentle way that that allows them to if they're comfortable to if they want to because it shows that you care it shows that you are interested and it shows that you are trying to do things to make them feel comfortable i mean is it so for so there are people in the room who identified as not ciz is there a way you like people to ask you your pronouns is there something you're comfortable with um i guess for me as you know a trans adult who works in education i do a lot more of the modeling of you know including my pronouns so that you know my trans students are like all my students can feel comfortable um with that and thankfully i have really great coworkers who i don't always have to initiate that a lot of times they initiate that so that's great and especially you know last week was like i know new people like you've gone around the room everyone said their name and shared their pronouns if they wanted um but only if they were comfortable so i think that's the best for me um but i haven't had them model uh and you know come out so that my other students are still comfortable with that thank you okay we've got a couple more minutes left um what else i mean it doesn't even have to relate to these slides if there's something that that you have you know in thinking about this subject or or if there's something about the slide i'm happy to chat i have a question yeah so if i if you're in a scenario with like someone who has like chain pronouns or names and someone else misgenders them is it like appropriate like if they're not saying to themselves is it appropriate for me to be like you're like these are the you know what i mean like to correct someone if the other person hasn't taken that step to it themselves even if they're openly out right in front of their face like yeah it's like three people talking and one has changed pronouns and 12 people that they changed it and some i've corrected i've corrected people um not necessarily right in front of their face but to the side um just like hey you know that's bobby they go by bobby you know don't don't use that other name their pronouns are they them um because we don't want to create a situation where all of a sudden bobby's feeling like on the spot or whatever um but we do want to we do want to be an ally and we do want to support and correct um and i so my my mother-in-law would misgender my child my my oldest is non-binary trans um and my mother-in-law would be like she she misgender them and we'd be like they and she's talking they she's talking they she's talking you know ivy um you know we we just we just did it we did it right in front of the kid um because we were so sick of it um it's like come on lady just just do the right thing for a hot second here um yeah it's it's kind of if you're able to kind of do it to the side it might be a little a little less awkward for all involved but sometimes just a quick pronoun you know pronoun correction um is appropriate don't don't beat that horse too hard right in front of everybody though um do a pull aside if possible um because students will do this too like in a classroom they'll be like robert and the teachers will be like bobby you know better you know they'll be like he and they're like they you know better um do we need to talk about this um those things happen um but making a big scene out of things makes everybody feel a little uncomfortable and awkward too i don't know if anybody else has a different opinion or has their own thoughts on this please do share um yeah especially like if someone's been made to move from around and so thank you yeah context is also like really important like um you know like i'm originally from iowa and when i the few times i do go back to iowa um i'm using she her pronouns for all me that's like you know for my own safety and they know i have a lot of great friends in iowa who always used to say them for me um but that's um you know sometimes be like hey like i know you want to respect me and i love you for it but like this is the time when you can misunderstand me um and i need you to for like my comfort level um but yeah also like on context you know um you know i've been in situations you know there's another trans person in there you know like being impact and if it's not like more looking past this conversation where the person who's just rendering them it's not like on accident or you know like a bad habit it's really intentional you know learning when to pull aside and when someone like needs to advocate for them someone to advocate them in that moment and you know doing so appropriately but you know there's nuance to everything thank you okay so we're at time um it's my email can y'all see my email did it show up in the chat up there i actually wrote it on the board okay oh okay thank you so yeah um please uh if you if you have any questions or comments or concerns um please email me and if you found something in here you're just like i question what you're talking about there i'd also like to know that too for the simple reason um i can't make these better if people don't tell me where it could be better um i appreciate you all being here today thank you so much um enjoy the rest of your day thank you thank you